Please, think of the poor ellipses!

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Chapter 1: Jeanette screams
"SIMON!!! SIMON!!! SIMON GET UP HERE!!! NOW!!!!" Simon rushed up the stairs..... "WHAT?! WHAT'S WRONG?!" "THE BABY-" Jeanette stopped in
mid sentence, and scrame... "WHAT ABOUT THE BABY?!" "It- It- It's tryin to- OWWWWWWW!!!!!" "I'M CALLING THE HOSPITAL!!" "HURRY!!! IT
HURTS!!!"

This is how it begins. No explanation, nothing. And the author's Enter key is apparently broken; the whole thing is written in choppy paragraphs like this.

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A nurse knelt by Jeanette, and placed her hands by Jeanette's bladder, "Now... I need you
to push as hard as you possibly can...." Jeanette scrame loudly.... But pushed as hard as she could.... "PUSH!" Jeantte pushed... "PUSH!!!" Jeanette
pushed harder, and scrame louder....

Scrame? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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"JEANETTE!!!!" JEANETTE!!!! WAKE UP!!!!" Simon shook Jeanette but she didn't
move.... "JEANETTE!!!" Tears were streaming down Simon's cheeks.... Suddenly his cell started ringing.... Simon sniffled, and opened his cell...
"WHAT?!" "Uhh... Sy... Is this a bad time?"

At a time like this, he answers his phone? "Is this a bad time?" Are you kidding?

Quote :

Chapter 4: Baby survives... Jeanette dies

Whoops, spoiler warning!

Quote :

Simon walked into the hospital.... And into the baby's hospital room.... As soon as Simon walked in he saw that the doctor's face had a very sad look
on it.... "Is something wro-" Suddenly Simon heard crying, and whimpers... "Is that-" "Yes... It's the baby..." "Umm... Why do you sound so sad-"
"Welll.... Your wife got really sick after she had the baby... We tried everything... We really did... But she just couldn't make it.... Sorry..."

Love the attempt at suspense, which is completely ruined by the chapter title--we know which one is alive.

Quote :

Suddenly Thomas heard a scream, and started wailing...... Suddenly little
Thomas fell out of Simon's arms... And his small head smacked the ground.... Thomas started screaming his lungs out.... A nurse quickly ran to
Thomas... And carefully cradled his head..... Thomas scrame louder.....

You dropped him on his head? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Quote :

Thomas crawled to his dad room.... and opened the door a little.... Suddenly he heard talking.... "Alvin... How do I tell a 2 year old that his mom died
when he was just a little newborn...." Simon paused... "I know..... Alvin he's handicapped....

Because you dropped him on his head! You bad parent, you! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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Simon hurriedly picked Thomas up... And put a hand to his small forehead....... Thomas's forhead was BURNING!!!!!! Thomas's cheeks were
a light red.... And he kept wheezing.... 'I gotta get to the hospital... And FAST' Simon ran out the door and into his car....

Despite an ending like that, this is listed as "Complete". We should probably count our blessings.

And a moment of silence, please, for all the innocent ellipses that were forced into the service of this . . . whatever.

Oh WOW, that's pretty terrible. We probably SHOULD be thankful it's listed as complete.

Should be listed as "Complete Shit".

Also:

Quote :

A nurse knelt by Jeanette, and placed her hands by Jeanette's bladder, "Now... I need you to push as hard as you possibly can...."
Jeanette scrame loudly.... But pushed as hard as she could.... "PUSH!"
Jeantte pushed... "PUSH!!!" Jeanette pushed harder, and scrame louder....

Is her bladder on the outside of her body? Is she pushing with her bladder? I am completely stumped by this whole 'bladder' thing.

And 'scrame'? Not just typo-ed once, but spelled thus all throughout the fic. W. T. F.

Death after childbirth, babies handicapped by being dropped on their head...yeah, it must be a Chipmunks fic. They did this stuff in the show all the time. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Er...link, please?

[quote="your mom"]Also:

Quote :

Is her bladder on the outside of her body? Is she pushing with her bladder? I am completely stumped by this whole 'bladder' thing.

I've had children and trust me, I don't recall my bladder never entering into it. Now the uterus, on the other hand...

Though given this author manages to use the word 'scrame' twice, she probably isn't aware the bladder and the uterus aren't the same thing

Also, I just realized that this story is about one of the Chipmunks losing his wife and ending up with handicapped son. Excuse me while I find a corner to sit in and I repeatedly beat my head against the wall till my brain falls out.

Found it...


The author, AlvinSeville, has another bunch of similar themed stories on his page...


Like a story in which someone called Claire finds an orphan chipmunk by nearly stepping on him, shortly followed by a disturbingly graphic scene in which some unnamed chipmunk man comes in and tries beating the hell out of him.


Turns out the orphan is Alvin, as is described in another story with this gem:

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"Lu-Lu-Look...." Claire pointed to Alvin, "His name's Alvin, I found him on my leg, and his dad stabbed him,

I don’t even feel comfortable laughing at these fics... They are genuinely disturbing!

WD40 wrote:

Found it...


The author, AlvinSeville, has another bunch of similar themed stories on his page...,

[/quote]

You do know Seville was the last name of the guy who created them? (Dave Seville).

This person has very real problems of a type I simply don't want to even think about.

Rabid Badger wrote:

WD40 wrote:

Found it...


The author, AlvinSeville, has another bunch of similar themed stories on his page...,

You do know Seville was the last name of the guy who was their 'father' in the cartoons (David Seville)

Rabid Badger wrote:

Rabid Badger wrote:

WD40 wrote:

Found it...


The author, AlvinSeville, has another bunch of similar themed stories on his page...,

You do know Seville was the last name of the guy who was their 'father' in the cartoons (David Seville)

Um... if that was the name of his adoptive father, it stands to reason it'd be his last name, right? I don't think it implies the horrible incest chipmunk marriage thing you seem to be imagining.

Seriously though, this story hurts my eyes to read.

Miss Prince wrote:

Um... if that was the name of his adoptive father, it stands to reason it'd be his last name, right? I don't think it implies the horrible incest chipmunk marriage thing you seem to be imagining.

Yeah. That's how it worked in the 80's cartoons--they were frequently referred to by the full names Alvin Seville, Simon Seville, and Theodore Seville.

And the name "Dave Seville" was a psedonym for Ross Bagdasarian, who probably got tired of having to spell his name for people. His son Ross Jr. has been the caretaker of the franchise for at least the last twenty-five or so years, and both provided Dave's voice in the cartoons.

Grife I can't believe I remember that much.

Looks like Jeanette finally found out what she has to do to get lucky with you [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Seriously though, this is by far the most hilariously bad fic I've read in a long time. I'm gonna be busy with AlvinSeville's back-catalogue for a little while now... *snicker*

It seriously hurts my brain trying to read fics that are this badly punctuated. Does it really hurt for authors like this to attempt writing in coherent sentences? I don't get what this particular author finds difficult about using full stops.

In reality I probably should stop applying logic to badfic authors. It might make me want to

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scrame

.

despite FF.net's effort of actually putting a spellchecker in the document manager, it's obviously barely used. Kind of funny, really.

I simply find it hilarious when people try to take light-hearted, fun cartoons and try to write edgy, dark fanfiction about the characters.

NOOOO NOT MY CHIPMUNKS OTP *epic sulk* okay I'm better now

...wow. XD Don't you love how badficcers can so easily turn lighthearted kiddie fare into wangsty soap opera busines? And the chapter setup is brilliant, Sephiroth would be proud.

I think it's probably a memoir, where the author is the baby chipmunk.
It's the only plausible explanation for writing something like this.

lurkar wrote:

I think it's probably a memoir, where the author is the baby chipmunk.
It's the only plausible explanation for writing something like this.

Forget plausible this makes me want to...want to... [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] cave in the author's face.