Oh look! Another Cliched Horror Romance Starring... MICHAEL MYERS!

Code:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3868045/1/Love_of_a_Killer

What I was thinking when I decided to look for a Halloween fic and decided to check out one that read 'Love of a Killer', I'll never know. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


But hey, at least he doesn't talk... than again, you never know.


So, it begins with a very Mary Sue named Jen Blackwell, who's hiding in an alley.




If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my pimp! Prostitution lasts forever! Pay-day never ends...!

Doesn't it sound likes she about to give a three dollar bj, though? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

But, alas, we finally notice, much to my disappointment, that she is not a prostitute...


...She's a super-sue! OMGWTFBBQ?!?



This is how easy it is to rob a store, people. All you need is a crowbar, a trench coat, and sue powers!




Only four miles? Damn, when I was a kid we ran until we passed out...! Everyone for themselves! Now, I just turn myself in and beg my mother to pay bail.



Woe is you, darlin'. Woe is you.

You don't need to steal for money! Welfare is just around the corner, or you could always become the first sue-prostitute. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Pay-day never ends!

And since when did the poor have morals...? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]



Now, poor, poor (no pun intended) Jen is about to be raped my some ugly creep, who is the only one who has the same thoughts as I do:

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“Go ahead, but no one will help a filthy whore. They’ll just think your screaming with ecstasy. Besides, it’s been too long since I fucked someone as sexy as you!”

WHOO! Best line in this shit! Filled common sense about a sue!

But even though her sue is about to be raped, she had to add that last line in there to boast her ego.

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Pulling her shorts and underwear down and released one hand to undo his own trousers, the thug yelled, “You’re gonna love this baby. We’re gonna have a hell of a time!”

That's what he said. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]





Why the hell did Bojo have to die? He was only going to “give her a good time”! Can you blame a guy...? Thugs have needs, too! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]



Oh, my God! Is she dead...



Oh... no. Got distracted at the part where is said 'her heart had stopped beating'. She's, sadly, still alive.

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A man wearing a blank white mask with a mechanic’s uniform stood before her, his bloodied knife glinting in the moonlight. He cocked his head to the side, studying her with those cold, black eyes

Yeah, because he would just stare at you like a lost widdle child seeking the wonders of your pussy! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


...Michael... JACKSON, hee-hee!




Oh, Mr. Jackson. You naughty, naughty boy. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Someone needs a spanky... Rawr.

This makes even less sense than Pyramid Head. Michael Myers? WAT.

Also, if you have to break the window with a crowbar, it's not shoplifting.

*reads ahead* Oh, he takes her to a house... somewhere... and throws her down on the bed and ties her up. And then she falls asleep. WAT. And then he goes out looking for victims after being "Oh, poor, poor me" in his head.

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Oh well, he’d just have to bust the lock, which he did by smashing the handle of his kitchen knife against the knob. The knob broke causing the door to open and Michael quietly let himself in.

Yes, that's very quiet. Stealthy. Like a cat even.

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Michael finished climbing down the latter and starting heading toward his new home.

He tried the earlier, but it was locked. ... yeah, bad joke.

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He watched her shiver like a frighten poodle and let out soft cries of displeasure. Seeing her in this state, it was been hard to believe this was the same girl who had fought so hard against him earlier. Whenever Michael had a victim to kill, they usually weren’t so hard to get rid of. Only a few had been able to escape him, but he’d usually found them in the end or would find them eventually. Her strength had surprised him since it was rare he’d encountered a situation like that. He’d been forced to tie her up because she was too much of a fighter for him to allow her to run loose. He had the burning desire to keep her…to never let her leave him, why he didn’t quite know, but just knew there was a reason he had to keep her.

:headshot:

'I will love her and keep her and call her George!'

Even Michael Meyers doesn't deserve this sort of character assassination.

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This makes even less sense than Pyramid Head. Michael Myers? WAT.

I completely agree.

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“Oh Will, do it harder! Don’t tease me, you jerk, just fuck me like there’s no tomorrow!” The girl in the room lay sprawled on the couch, her boyfriend on top of her. She’d been waiting all night for this, having to endure that boring chick flick and dinner. She hadn’t wanted to go out at all; no she’d just wanted to spend the entire evening doing this. She adored sex and had done it with at least three different men, but this guy had been the best so far. He knew what she craved and was happy to give it to her, he didn’t start off gently but rather dived on into the fun. For her, this was life and sex was definitely one of life’s greatest gifts. “That’s it, Will! Give it to me; don’t stop. Oh, yeah, that’s the spot!” The girl moaned in pleasure as Will drove deeper into her, giving her what she wanted. After a few more minutes of this, Will stopped to catch his breath and the girl lay her head back and sighed, “Boy, you are good!”

Funny how everyone but Jen seems to be a whore in this terrible fic.

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Michael stared calmly at her, still holding the drinks in his hand. “Well, aren’t you going to give me my drink?” The girl held out her hand expectantly, but Michael didn’t move.

Hm... Curious, curious. I seem to remember this scene from some where.

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But when he looked at Jen’s terrified face, screaming and crying for help, he had felt an unexplained rage at the man.

That means your infected! The plague of the sue strikes again!

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he’d killed that horny bastard

BOJO WAS NOT A HORNY BASTARD! He had needs, too!

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After that, it would only seem natural that he should kill Jen but for some reason as he stared into those hazel eyes that were full of fear and non-understanding, he found he didn’t want to. He wanted to keep looking into those eyes…he wanted to look at them forever

Why, Michael! WHY!? You've... you've become one of them!

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He placed his hand gently on her bare leg and laid it there for a few seconds, watching her sleeping face. When nothing happened, Michael moved his hand up to her thigh slowly and watched as her shivers increased and her whimpering grew louder. Up and up his hand traveled, from her hip, her side and paused at her breast. He’d seen a woman’s breast many times, but had never touched one; curiously, he placed his hand on her breast and began to rub gently. He listened to her moan softly, from pain or pleasure he wasn’t sure. He continued this motion for a while, the soft noises she made was making him feel hard inside. He stopped suddenly and looked down at the bulging sight on his mechanics uniform. He’d never had these feelings before, even when he had seen a fully nude woman it hadn’t turned him on at all. Jen wasn’t even naked or even really awake but yet he found himself turned on.

Ho, ho, ho. You naughty boy...! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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Her hair was the color of dark chocolate and fell like a waterfall about her face. As he began to stroke gently, Michael decided it was the softest hair he’d touched…like silk.

SHE IS JUST LIKE SILK! Soft and perfect on the outside, but uncomfortable and itchy inside. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] I'm thinking STD! No, wait. Most sues are virgins, so...

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Watching her sleep for another few minutes, he pulled off his shoes and lay on the bed beside her, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her close to him.

Why take your shoes off? Your toes will get cold. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] And why touch her? Wasn't getting infected enough? Now you have to get all snugglie on us.

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Her body frame fit perfectly beside his, like two puzzle pieces fit together.

I...Oh, God...I... Wow. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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He buried his face into her hair, almost wishing he could take his mask off and discover what her hair smelled like and feeling it’s silky strands against his scared, burned face

Hm. You would think being stuck outside and sleeping God knows where, you would stink. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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But no, he couldn’t let anyone see his face, especially not her.

DON'T LOOK AT ME! DON'T LOOK AT ME!

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Only a few had seen his real face and they were all dead

...Show. Her. Your. Fucking. Face. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

After that, he falls asleep and then the chapter ends. Regrettably, its only chapter 4. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Mistah J wrote:

After that, he falls asleep and then the chapter ends. Regrettably, its only chapter 4. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

If that's just Chapter 4, what could be in, say, Chapter 12? Michael and Super Sue skipping down the yellow brick road as rainbows fill the sky and bunnies and kittens frolick in the meadows?

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Mistah J wrote:

...Show. Her. Your. Fucking. Face.

Good snark, but that was the line that made me laugh entirely too hard. Probably because I said similar things all through the P. Hiddy* fic of hers.


*Name changed to protect the infected.

Mistah J wrote:

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Watching her sleep for another few minutes, he pulled off his shoes and lay on the bed beside her, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her close to him.

Why take your shoes off? Your toes will get cold. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] And why touch her? Wasn't getting infected enough? Now you have to get all snugglie on us.

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Her body frame fit perfectly beside his, like two puzzle pieces fit together.

I...Oh, God...I... Wow. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Dear God. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] There are no words.

Also, I approve of your username.

Miss Misery wrote:

Mistah J wrote:

After that, he falls asleep and then the chapter ends. Regrettably, its only chapter 4. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

If that's just Chapter 4, what could be in, say, Chapter 12? Michael and Super Sue skipping down the yellow brick road as rainbows fill the sky and bunnies and kittens frolick in the meadows?

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Le sigh. I... just... no words. None. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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She sees the horrific sight before her. Blood is everywhere, coating the room like paint. Her father lies on top of the dresser with his torso and stomach ripped open and intestines spilling out like spaghetti. Her brother’s head, arms and legs are ripped off his body and lie scattered around the floor like toys. Her mother, strung by her neck from the fan above the bed still twitches and her blood continues to spill.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Um... Therapy, anyone...?

Jen screams at the sight again and again…if only she had stayed home that night, maybe then she could’ve done something, anything! Oh god, please help!

I'm pretty sure that if some psychopathic killer was able to do this, then you would have died, too. Goddammit! Why didn't you stay home?

After her dream, she wakes up, notices Michael fucking Myers, the killer! And says this:

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Jen tossed the blanket from her body and sat up on the edge of the bed, glaring up at him. “OK, you asshole! You’ve got some explaining to do! Why’d you bring me to this hell hole and what do you want?”

Oh... you've got some balls. Big, big balls.

The sue gives him more attitude. Now, you would probably think that he'd kill her. I mean, his sister screamed at him and she's dead. But no, this sue gets away with it all!

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As Michael’s hand stroked her cheek, she felt a strange sense of comfort, reminding her of a place she once called ‘home.’

.

And then she jumps in his arms and kisses him lovingly. Admitting that she is a serial killer too. They skip off happily into the sunset, dreams of a white picked fence with a dog in the yard dance in their head.

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It even felt…nice. She was shocked just then that she had even thought those things

Gasp! She thinks!

She ruins the "moment" by her stomach rumbling. In which, Michael offers her a rat. Jen refuses because she is such a high-class hobo who stole for thugs. Hm. Then, even though she has no home, she asks him for:

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"What I mean is, do you have any food like chicken, granola bars or even some chips? You know, that stuff."

You know, I have no home, and have no food, but you little mask wearing bitch, if you think your gonna get any of this, you better start buyin' me some food. Hell, get me my mother fuckin' chicken!

You should be praying to some higher God that your still alive, not bugging him for food! Now is not the time to be picky!

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Michael shook his head no and Jen muttered, “Figures. I bet you don’t even stop by Burger King to get a burger.”

... And just by that one line, popularity for BK went sky-rocket. Freaks everywhere wanted to know if Michael Myers bought the double baccon cheese burger with extra fries!

Michael then leaves. That's pretty much all he does. Now, the limelight is back on the sue. Because, Michael just isn't that important.

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“He doesn’t want me to go with him,” Jen thought. “He intends to keep me here while he goes out.”

OMG! She made an obvious again!

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and in the corner there was some kind of doll. Jen frowned and walked over to the doll. She picked it up and turned it around so she could see the front of it. As quickly as she had picked it up, she’d thrown it away from her, horrified by what she’d seen. The doll had had two large nails stabbed into its eyes. “Who is this guy? What kind of sick person does that?” Jen thought.

Michael Myers, or any person who was molested when they were younger. Common sense, sue. Common sense.

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she came across a headline that screamed, “PATIENT AT GRACE ANDERSEN SANITARIUM FOUND DEAD.” Jen stared at the title and continued reading.

How can you stare at a title and read the article? Maltitasking, you have reached a whole new high!

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Jen stopped reading and put in hands in her face.

"in hands in her face". Your literature is so superior that, I am at a lost for words.

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Who on earth was she dealing with here?

That tall, bruly killer. You know, the one with the white mask and knife? No. He kills people for fun, but keeps terrible sues alive...? Still no. Um. Well, your going to fuck him soon. Yes? I knew you'd get it soon!

I... wow. Each chapter is getting less and less bareable!

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

...Where did I put my gun...? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Dr. Quinzel wrote:

Also, I approve of your username.

I approve of your usename, too. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Clicky
I was very much inspired by this story.