I'll love you long time!

slinkythecynic wrote:

If I have a comment, contributive or not, I'm going to post it. If you don't like that I'm not "contributing" to an already "dead" post, I am not forcing you to read it. That is a petty reason to be pissy.

DON'T LIKE DON'T READ is a well-mocked forum cliche around here. Don't try and pull that shit. If we don't like it, we're gonna tell you so. That's the whole damn point of this forum.

So, inspired by this thread's resurrection from the dead, I went looking for hilarious instances of perversion in my area. The problem is that I live in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Perversion seems to be in short supply. Loads of cougar fantasies and "married, age 45, looking for discreet fuckbuddy," but nothing outrageous. The strangest was a guy who wanted a woman to vacuum his house topless.

Until I got to this guy:

White sub seeking in need men

Quote :

white sub dude available tomorrow at the north bookstore from 10am to
around 1pm or so.... all holes clean, sweet and ready to accept your
hard throbbing dicks.... no reciprocation necessary; bi/straight; blue
collar bikers step to the front of the line... i will be upstairds in
one of the larger rooms on my knees ready and waiting; line up and take
your turn... safe only; i will have the condoms, lube and everything
we need; just bring your hard dicks and get the release and pleasure
you want and deserve... i am 5'10 170lbs; short hair; Carhart cap;
harley t-shirt; black jeans and black boots.... mid 50s and in great
shape; healthy.... i will see you men in the morning....

Submissive buggery. Okay, nothing new. But at a bookstore? 0_o Maybe WGW has skewed my perceptions of reality, but a bookstore doesn't strike me as the most convenient place for a rendezvous of this nature, upstairs room or not. And is he honestly expecting a line? In Cedar Rapids? I'd love to know what's going on in this guy's head. On second thought, maybe I wouldn't.

For the most part, though, I was disappointed. Even the vice here is dull. I really need to move back to Chicago.

Electron Blue wrote:

slinkythecynic wrote:

If I have a comment, contributive or not, I'm going to post it. If you don't like that I'm not "contributing" to an already "dead" post, I am not forcing you to read it. That is a petty reason to be pissy.

DON'T LIKE DON'T READ is a well-mocked forum cliche around here. Don't try and pull that shit. If we don't like it, we're gonna tell you so. That's the whole damn point of this forum.

More power to you, I wouldn't expect anything less than your honest opinion, but you're a bit touched in the head if you think I won't do exactly the same. I don't care if you have a problem with anything I have posted. I'm not going to change my practices based on your posts. Bottom line. It is pointless to try. I say no to people for a living. I'm really good at it.

Quote :

all holes clean, sweet and ready to accept your hard throbbing dicks....

Why... can't... I... stop... laughing?

slinkythecynic wrote:

Electron Blue wrote:

slinkythecynic wrote:

If I have a comment, contributive or not, I'm going to post it. If you don't like that I'm not "contributing" to an already "dead" post, I am not forcing you to read it. That is a petty reason to be pissy.

DON'T LIKE DON'T READ is a well-mocked forum cliche around here. Don't try and pull that shit. If we don't like it, we're gonna tell you so. That's the whole damn point of this forum.

More power to you, I wouldn't expect anything less than your honest opinion, but you're a bit touched in the head if you think I won't do exactly the same. I don't care if you have a problem with anything I have posted. I'm not going to change my practices based on your posts. Bottom line. It is pointless to try. I say no to people for a living. I'm really good at it.

More power to you. Don't get upset when we chastise you every time you pointlessly necropost. Or we'll just have Mikey follow each miniwank about it with U MAD macros.

Jesus. wrote:

More power to you. Don't get upset when we chastise you every time you pointlessly necropost. Or we'll just have Mikey follow each miniwank about it with U MAD macros.

Yeah, we never could get Chris to stop it either. Why do people do it though? Talk about friggin' annoying. It is like those people on the bus who sing out loud to the music they are listening on their CD player. In public. How do you get past the age of 12 without figuring out that is not ok? IDK, it seems pretty basic to me.

Jesus. wrote:

slinkythecynic wrote:

Electron Blue wrote:

slinkythecynic wrote:

If I have a comment, contributive or not, I'm going to post it. If you don't like that I'm not "contributing" to an already "dead" post, I am not forcing you to read it. That is a petty reason to be pissy.

DON'T LIKE DON'T READ is a well-mocked forum cliche around here. Don't try and pull that shit. If we don't like it, we're gonna tell you so. That's the whole damn point of this forum.

More power to you, I wouldn't expect anything less than your honest opinion, but you're a bit touched in the head if you think I won't do exactly the same. I don't care if you have a problem with anything I have posted. I'm not going to change my practices based on your posts. Bottom line. It is pointless to try. I say no to people for a living. I'm really good at it.

More power to you. Don't get upset when we chastise you every time you pointlessly necropost. Or we'll just have Mikey follow each miniwank about it with U MAD macros.

Upset? Heavens no. Mildly amused by the rampant e-snobbery, yes. Again, I say no for a living. If I got upset every time some arse tried to get me to change my mind I wouldn't have survived the first week in my job, let alone three years. *Points to signature*

You don't have a signature.

InkWeaver wrote:

You don't have a signature.

Ahh bollocks, I did last night. -.-

*Points to image below*
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Wow, you're intolerable.

Electron Blue wrote:

Wow, you're intolerable.

....you didn't seem to get the note where I don't care, did you?

slinkythecynic wrote:

Electron Blue wrote:

Wow, you're intolerable.

....you didn't seem to get the note where I don't care, did you?

Awww, you're adorable. Tell me: is this puberty, or quarter-life crisis?

Jesus. wrote:

slinkythecynic wrote:

Electron Blue wrote:

slinkythecynic wrote:

If I have a comment, contributive or not, I'm going to post it. If you don't like that I'm not "contributing" to an already "dead" post, I am not forcing you to read it. That is a petty reason to be pissy.

DON'T LIKE DON'T READ is a well-mocked forum cliche around here. Don't try and pull that shit. If we don't like it, we're gonna tell you so. That's the whole damn point of this forum.

More power to you, I wouldn't expect anything less than your honest opinion, but you're a bit touched in the head if you think I won't do exactly the same. I don't care if you have a problem with anything I have posted. I'm not going to change my practices based on your posts. Bottom line. It is pointless to try. I say no to people for a living. I'm really good at it.

More power to you. Don't get upset when we chastise you every time you pointlessly necropost. Or we'll just have Mikey follow each miniwank about it with U MAD macros.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

You're welcome.

But seriously, you guys are getting trolled super hard. I believe this is one of anangrychocobo's sock puppets. Or maybe one of Knorg's. I have a picture for this too.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Why Michael, this may be the first useful thing I've seen you contribute (even if you stole it from elsewhere). Give yourself a pat on the back and help yourself to a large, celebratory glass of bull semen.

People! We have to hose this sand out of your urethras before it turns cancerous

Hot Cancer wrote:

Give yourself a pat on the back and help yourself to a large, celebratory glass of bull semen.

god I missed you man

Cyberwulf wrote:

People! We have to hose this sand out of your urethras before it turns cancerous

Hey now. When sand gets in my urethra it turns into a pearl.

slinkythecynic wrote:

Electron Blue wrote:

Wow, you're intolerable.

....you didn't seem to get the note where I don't care, did you?

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

YOU TELL 'EM AND YOU TELL 'EM HARD, INTERNET TOUGH GUY

Rich Cocoa Treat Well, I live in Atlanta so I figured we'd have something weird. This guy wrote a lovely poem!

Quote :

She's a tasty brown sugar
Pure chocolate delight
A Nubian Princess
I lay with each night

She's perfection in motion
With satin smooth curves
My ebony jewel
And a joy to observe


So flawless in shape
From her head to her ass
And down to her feet
Sweet chocolate with class


She has bouncy firm breast
With puffy dark nips
And a soft curly bush
With juicy wet lips


Such a dream making love
To her passionate ways
As she locks me between
Her warm chocolate legs


When I dip in her nectar
Of moist liquid fire
I could feel her unleash
Her lust and desire


I am hooked to the bone
On this honey brown sweet
And I can't get enough
Of her rich cocoa treat

If nothing else I could go for some chocolate right about now.

Tungsten Monk wrote:

Maybe WGW has skewed my perceptions of reality, but a bookstore doesn't strike me as the most convenient place for a rendezvous of this nature, upstairs room or not.

I would think WGW would skew your perceptions of reality in another direction. Or have you forgotten about this classic?

saeku wrote:

Tungsten Monk wrote:

Maybe WGW has skewed my perceptions of reality, but a bookstore doesn't strike me as the most convenient place for a rendezvous of this nature, upstairs room or not.

I would think WGW would skew your perceptions of reality in another direction. Or have you forgotten about this classic?

Gee, thanks. I'd never actually read that before.

I definitely have been sk(r)ewed by WGW, though. My major concern was that the clerk was described as having darkish hair in the first part, and then sandy hair later. Proofread your pornfics, plz.

Tungsten Monk wrote:

I definitely have been sk(r)ewed by WGW, though. My major concern was that the clerk was described as having darkish hair in the first part, and then sandy hair later. Proofread your pornfics, plz.

The later chapters involve children and (IIRC) scat and racial slurs. But I digress.

Jay/Cris wrote:

slinkythecynic wrote:

Electron Blue wrote:

Wow, you're intolerable.

....you didn't seem to get the note where I don't care, did you?

Awww, you're adorable. Tell me: is this puberty, or quarter-life crisis?

Judging by the name, I vote for puberty.

moonpie wrote:

Rich Cocoa Treat Well, I live in Atlanta so I figured we'd have something weird. This guy wrote a lovely poem!

Quote :

She's a tasty brown sugar
Pure chocolate delight
A Nubian Princess
I lay with each night

She's perfection in motion
With satin smooth curves
My ebony jewel
And a joy to observe


So flawless in shape
From her head to her ass
And down to her feet
Sweet chocolate with class


She has bouncy firm breast
With puffy dark nips
And a soft curly bush
With juicy wet lips


Such a dream making love
To her passionate ways
As she locks me between
Her warm chocolate legs


When I dip in her nectar
Of moist liquid fire
I could feel her unleash
Her lust and desire


I am hooked to the bone
On this honey brown sweet
And I can't get enough
Of her rich cocoa treat

If nothing else I could go for some chocolate right about now.

If it wasn't so food focused maybe he could turn it into actual talent. As it is, he just sounds hungry

Quote :

I am 24yr old atheletic white male who wants to try swallowing a womans piss. Make your pussy squirt with uncontrolable orgasms. Can meet today. Hope to hear from you soon, thanks

This chap seems rather puzzled as to how women wee. I bet he's proper jealous that women must have uncontrollable orgasms in order to empty their bladders.

Quote :

I'm looking for a wet nurse who can provide milk or wished to be induced, There must be someone out there looking for this also and gets turned on by feeding. I can provide benefits if needed and I'm willing to do anything in return. About me, well I'm 30 white male 6ft tall black hair and blue eyes and well hung with 8 inches uncut.

I'm sorry, I seem to have been possessed by the ghost of Sigmund Freud here. Anyone care to offer a non-Freudian interpretation for this one?

Also, a lot of the London Craigslist posts seem to be seeking a "wank buddy". I can sort of imagine what this is, but it's such a cute name that I want to picture it as one guy masturbating while another holds a stopwatch and shouts motivational statements.