SILENT HILL: SHAT ON MY MEMORIES (NOW IN CAPS-O-VISION)

A LIST OF GRIEVANCES:

FUCKING HARRY FUCKING MASON FUCKING FUCKING DAHLIA FUCKING GILLESPIE ON A FUCKING BOAT

ALL OTHER ASPECTS OF CANON WHICH ARE THOROUGHLY SHAT UPON (READ: ALL OF THEM)

DESCENT INTO NOWHERE (STAIRS) RIPPED DIRECTLY FROM WALTER SULLIVAN, SH4

DESCENT INTO NOWHERE (HOLES) RIPPED DIRECTLY FROM JAMES SUNDERLAND, SH2

SUSPENSE SURGICALLY REMOVED VIA CLEAR DIVISION OF "SAFE" AND "UNSAFE" AREAS

PUZZLES SURGICALLY REMOVED, PERIOD

NO DIFFICULTY SETTINGS

AS ENGAGING AS WATCHING MOLD GROW (NOT EVEN THE INTERESTING KIND OF MOLD)

DID I MENTION HARRY MASON FUCKING DAHLIA GILLESPIE ON A BOAT

SIDE STORIES CHOPPED INTO FREEZE-DRIED, OPTIONAL CHUNKS

AREAS UNRECOGNIZABLE FROM ORIGINAL (OR ANY) GAME

PLOT UNRECOGNIZABLE FROM ORIGINAL GAME (BUT RECOGNIZABLE AS A NUMBER OF PAINFUL TROPES)

SERIOUSLY HE FUCKS HER ON A BOAT WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILING VAGUE AND INACCURATE AT BEST

NO BOSSES OR DEFINED AREAS, MAKING GAME A LONG, DRAGGING MEANDER THROUGH NOWHERE

FUCKING CRAZY CYBIL FROM THE THRICE-FUCKED GAME-KILLING MOVIE

LISA: WHERE IS HER CHARACTER??? "OH, I EXIST, OH WAIT, I'M GOING TO DIE AND NEVER BE MENTIONED AGAIN"

ONE TYPE OF MONSTER WITH ONE TYPE OF ATTACK AND ONE OBNOXIOUS SCREAM

ALSO OBNOXIOUS FLAILING AROUND IN THE DARK WITHOUT A MAP OH FUCKING JOY

HERE'S A FUNNY JOKE: WHAT DO YOU CALL A RUN BUTTON THAT ONLY WORKS 60% OF THE TIME? SHIT PROGRAMMING! YEAH IT'S EVEN LESS FUNNY WHEN YOU'RE BEING RAPED BY DEMONS

A BOAT ON WHICH HARRY MASON AND DAHLIA GILLESPIE FUCK, THERE IS ONE

KAUFMANN WHERE??

RANDOMLY BEING SANG AT BY A SAD PROM QUEEN BECAUSE IT ISN'T A BAD ENOUGH FANFIC ALREADY

OH NOW I HAVE TO FUCKING DOGGY PADDLE IRL BECAUSE IT'S WARIO WARE NOW AND NOT A MOTHERFUCKING SILENT HILL GAME

ARTIFICIAL DIFFICULTY: FREEZING THE GAME OVER WHENEVER THE HELL SOMEONE IS ABOUT TO MAKE A FUCKING PLOT POINT

THAT BOAT NEVER DID ANYTHING TO DESERVE THAT

EVERY AREA SAME AS EVERY OTHER AREA, NONE OF WHICH ARE INTERESTING

GIGANTIC BLANK AREA NEAR END WHICH YOU CAN WANDER AROUND IN FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES STRAIGHT WITHOUT FINDING THE ARBITRARILY PLACED WARP, GG PROGRAMMERS

SMOOTH FUCKING JAZZ IN EVERY FUCKING AREA SILENT HILL IS NOT MADE FOR CONSTANT MUSIC YOU CUNTSUCKING ASSHOLES

THAT BOAT IS NEVER GOING TO UNSEE THAT AND NEVER GOING TO BE CLEAN AGAIN EVER


SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCKING HELL EVEN IS THIS IT DOESN'T EVEN FUCKING MAKE SENSE

AND THEN IT TOLD ME I WAS PROBABLY LOUSY IN BED

AND THEN IT THANKED "THE ORIGINAL SILENT HILL TEAM" INSTEAD OF TEAM SILENT

FUCK CLIMAX

FUCK THEM IN THE URETHRA WITH CHAINS MADE OF BROKEN GLASS

FUCK THEM FUCK THEM FUCK THEM

DISCUSS.


addendum: one prop and one prop only: the sunken car bit gave me the jaggies because I have recurring sunken car nightmares BUT THEN ALL SUSPENSE IS REMOVED BECAUSE YOU CAN GO AND MAKE A FUCKING SANDWICH WITH EVERY CAR WINDOW OPEN AND STILL NOT DROWN FUCKING FUCKERY BUGGERNECK FUCK I HATE YOU CLIMAX I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU

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I guess I'm not buying this shit pile, then.

I HAD SO MUCH HOPE.

Quote :

FUCKING HARRY FUCKING MASON FUCKING FUCKING DAHLIA FUCKING GILLESPIE ON A FUCKING BOAT

Quote :

DID I MENTION HARRY MASON FUCKING DAHLIA GILLESPIE ON A BOAT

Quote :

SERIOUSLY HE FUCKS HER ON A BOAT WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE

Quote :

A BOAT ON WHICH HARRY MASON AND DAHLIA GILLESPIE FUCK, THERE IS ONE

JESUS SHITFUCKING CHRIST
WHAT

Ah hahaha... wow, I saw a review yesterday that said it was terrible too. I almost thought they were being sarcastic.

So let me get this straight...they fuck on a boat?

Mafiosa wrote:

Quote :

FUCKING HARRY FUCKING MASON FUCKING FUCKING DAHLIA FUCKING GILLESPIE ON A FUCKING BOAT

Quote :

DID I MENTION HARRY MASON FUCKING DAHLIA GILLESPIE ON A BOAT

Quote :

SERIOUSLY HE FUCKS HER ON A BOAT WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE

Quote :

A BOAT ON WHICH HARRY MASON AND DAHLIA GILLESPIE FUCK, THERE IS ONE

JESUS SHITFUCKING CHRIST
WHAT

I AM DEAD FUCKING SERIOUS. You know the boat where Dahlia and Cybil and Harry all meet on in the original game? Yeah, Harry goes there except Dahlia is a twenty-year-old slut and she gets him drunk and THEY FUCK. FOR REALS. AND CHERYL IS THEIR DAUGHTER, EXCEPT HARRY DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT WHEN SHE WAS A KID AND SHE'S IMAGINING THE ENTIRE GAME IN A MENTAL ASYLUM AND FUCKING FUCK I CAN'T STOP TYPING LOUDLY

IT'S A GIANT FANFIC. I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING, THEY TOOK THE CHARACTERS AND STRIPPED AWAY THE CANON AND REWROTE THE ENTIRE THING INTO SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE.

ETA: THIS RIGHT HERE ARE YOU SEEING THIS I COULD FEEL MY SOUL DIE I SWEAR

FUCK FUCK FUCK ON A BOAT
IN THE OPENING CUTSCENE
MERRILY MERRILY NOT SO SCARILY
THE WHOLE GAME IS A DREAM

:headshot:

Well, um...at least the voice acting's better?

I scrolled past everything that was in all-caps. What'd I miss?

*Chugs booze* *Kisses Harry*

"I taste sweet, don't I?"

"Uh, you taste like Johnny Walker."

Oh yeah, I need to alert my friend about this. She's been a HUGE fan of the series since it came out. After I tell her what they've done, I think I'll go hide in a bunker for a while. D:

Oh-kay . . . twenty minutes away from getting to his daughter, clearly terrified, and then he goes ahead and bangs the creepy-ass drunk jailbait. That's scary, all right. Are there status ailments in this game? What's the health handicap for a burning sensation when you piss?

All sarcasm aside, the relatively good voice acting combined with the weird puppetty animation to make the whole thing look even more unreal. She kept giving him these sultry looks and I kept thinking "Don't! SHE'S GOING TO EAT YOUR SOUL." And then the camera flashed back to Harry, and it was like the animation downgraded just enough so that HE was suddenly a creepy-faced puppet person too. Well, I'm officially scared.

Delcat wrote:

Mafiosa wrote:

Quote :

FUCKING HARRY FUCKING MASON FUCKING FUCKING DAHLIA FUCKING GILLESPIE ON A FUCKING BOAT

Quote :

DID I MENTION HARRY MASON FUCKING DAHLIA GILLESPIE ON A BOAT

Quote :

SERIOUSLY HE FUCKS HER ON A BOAT WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE

Quote :

A BOAT ON WHICH HARRY MASON AND DAHLIA GILLESPIE FUCK, THERE IS ONE

JESUS SHITFUCKING CHRIST
WHAT

I AM DEAD FUCKING SERIOUS. You know the boat where Dahlia and Cybil and Harry all meet on in the original game? Yeah, Harry goes there except Dahlia is a twenty-year-old slut and she gets him drunk and THEY FUCK. FOR REALS. AND CHERYL IS THEIR DAUGHTER, EXCEPT HARRY DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT WHEN SHE WAS A KID AND SHE'S IMAGINING THE ENTIRE GAME IN A MENTAL ASYLUM AND FUCKING FUCK I CAN'T STOP TYPING LOUDLY

IT'S A GIANT FANFIC. I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING, THEY TOOK THE CHARACTERS AND STRIPPED AWAY THE CANON AND REWROTE THE ENTIRE THING INTO SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE.

ETA: THIS RIGHT HERE ARE YOU SEEING THIS I COULD FEEL MY SOUL DIE I SWEAR

JESUS CHRIST WTF
I NOW KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO SHIT YOUR BRAIN
AS IN SHITTING IT OUT YOUR ASS, THOUGH DEFECATING INTO IT WOULD ALSO BE AN APT SUMMATION OF THE FEELING THE GAME INSPIRES

So, how was it compared to Silent Hill: the Movie?

But seriously, it got consistenly good reviews. Canon-rape and ezmode difficulty aside, is it playable?

saeku wrote:

So, how was it compared to Silent Hill: the Movie?

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saeku wrote:

But seriously, it got consistenly good reviews. Canon-rape and ezmode difficulty aside, is it playable?

That's the thing, is it's not even that.

1) The running gimmick is fun and scary the first time, okay the next, and then becomes obnoxious and gets steadily MORE obnoxious for the rest of the game. This is true of most "innovative" elements. Seriously, looking at your map and realizing you've run in a huge circle for literally the fifth or sixth time and then being immediately raped alive by demons when you click out isn't fun or creepy, it's just a gigantic frustrating pain in the ass. Also, the hide-points, which are undoubtedly being feted with gusto as being innovative, are ripped directly from Clock Tower 1 AND 2 AND 3 AND Haunting Ground AND there are barely any around anyway. Not to mention that unlike the aforementioned games, you're pretty much guaranteed to run smack into whatever you were hiding from two rooms away from the hide point anyway. Did I mention the computer is a cheating bastard? And there are no difficulty settings, so what you see is what you're fucking stuck with.

2) The "safe" portions are dry and vague and unengaging since you know you can't get hurt and the areas are huge and mostly blank. I probably missed a good chunk of certain areas because there was no real path and no real reason to go poking around. There are "mementos" you can collect, but they're story-less fragments and don't seem to do a dang' thing plotwise.

3) The puzzles, as aforementioned, are either literally "Step across the room and pick up a key" or "Here is a puzzle, and here is the explicitly laid out solution", so there's no fun there. Again, no way to make them any harder.

4) The psychological profiling is utter bullshit. When I told the game that I'd never cheated on a partner in a relationship (true, since I've only ever had one), it basically said NO U and turned everything into James-esque sex issues. A friend of mine did the same thing and got the opposite reaction. It seems to be about as accurate as voice recognition software, unsurprisingly.

5) The play control isn't quite godawful, but it's near it. While I'm aware that Pseudo-Harry's power is supposed to diminish the more he gets tackled, there were a lot of times when I was at full "health" and still couldn't shake off an enemy no matter what I did. There was a ton of frustrated flailing and dropping the nunchuk and swearing and dying.

6) Bugs. I burst out laughing and couldn't stop for a good two minutes the first time an enemy death-tackled Pseudo-Harry straight THROUGH the floor. I was less amused by the seemingly arbitrary cheating-bastard detection of the enemies. In the "unsafe" portion of the endgame, I was shocked, scared and impressed when the room suddenly started rising away from Pseudo-Harry, the enemies frozen in place--I assumed it was symbolic, the only part of his descent not directly ripped off from the other games, and it was truly innovative, random, and disturbing. Five minutes later, after trying every button and waiting for a cutscene, the disgust slowly pooled back as I realized I'd chipped into real Nowhere and was forced to restart. This was one of the final nails in the coffin.


Basically, it is playable--it's not Nintendo Hard, and it's not too bugged to win. It's just mediocre at the very best. If it was totally unrelated to Silent Hill, the plot would still be bad. It's a hot tranny mess and I'm incensed that it seems to be winning more awards than any of the true Silent Hill games ever did.


Having now proved that I can talk about its faults like a rational person and that I am not just being a bitchy fantard, I shall say in closing HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


and yes, for those counting, that is the first time in the entirety of my Wugwuh/House existence that I've used the exploding smiley. i was saving it for an emergency. it was worth it.

WTF Harry has an iPhone?

Fuck this game.

Aw, it looked interesting. Granted, I've never played a Silent Hill game before...

I've been really interested in learning what the psych profile questions are, though. I've googled a couple times but never found a list or anything. Anybody wanna help me out here?

Edit: Never mind, found a video. That was disappointing :|

Okay gais, I've cooled down a little, and I think I may have been too harsh. I firmly stand by the way I feel, I'm not gonna backpedal on that, but apparently a lot of old-time fans are enjoying the game a lot, so I'm gonna ask that fans play it themselves and choose for themselves. I'm a little disturbed that everyone seems to be taking my word as an absolute. I don't like influencing people that seriously on their opinions. I'M NOT THAT SMART, YOU GUYS, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT.

I've also realized that I have some pretty personal issues (C&P from Miss Zarla's journal 'cause I am lazy:)

I guess it doesn't help that I'm so protective of the old games. Working as closely as I do with bad fanfiction, it pretty much killed me after the movie came out and movie canon seemed to replace game canon. Since the game is out of print, we had all kinds of fangirls taking it for granted that Cheryl--sorry, Sharon--was raped by a janitor and sacrificed by a mass cult and protected by Pyramid Head in the original game. I do love the movie, but it's meant as an addition to canon, not as Canon 2.0. It bothers me that the original game was such a delightful mess of bad voice acting and bizarre plot and sheer terror that is now being overlooked because of more accessible remakes. There are all kinds of next-gen Silent Hill fans that are never gonna know who the original Dahlia was or how much it hurt to see Lisa die or hear Kaufmann tell Harry to quit screwin' around, and that...it honestly hurts me. I don't want to see it die. I feel like with every new game that comes out, I'm losing pieces of the original fandom, and that's hard for me.

I guess that's what's really bothering me--the idea of the original games being thrown by the wayside. I haven't been in this fandom since the beginning, but I've been in it since before Pyramid Head was a stale 4chan meme instead of an unexpected and psychologically complex monster, and it's hard to see things slipping away.

tl;dr SH purist BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW.


Oh, and while I guess I should apologize for spoilers, if you didn't expect an apoplectic spoiler-ridden fit from the thread title, you haven't been around me long enough, man.


ETA: I rescind my rescind-ment. My sister tried playing, and do you know what happened? This happened.. There's a fucking Cheryl/Heather amalgam Dahlia. As in, Harry fucks his own daughter in the end of this version and there's nothing you can do about it. No. Fucking no. I'm done. I DON'T WANNA PLAY ANYMORE.

You know I started playing the game and I didn't find it that ba-

Delcat wrote:

ETA: I rescind my rescind-ment. My sister tried playing, and do you know what happened? This happened.. There's a fucking Cheryl/Heather amalgam Dahlia. As in, Harry fucks his own daughter in the end of this version and there's nothing you can do about it. No. Fucking no. I'm done. I DON'T WANNA PLAY ANYMORE.

WHAT THE FUCK. FUCK THIS.

I DON'T GET IT! EXPLAIN IT TO MEEEE

I own the game and never played the old ones before. I like it ok.

The best part is the psych profile, actually. First time around, I went to the women's shop and looked at all the female posters. Then I stared at the barmaid's breast a little too hard, I guess, because when I first met the cop, she was dressed up like a whore. The place was also an Irish bar.

A bug (staring at the old pictures in your cellphone damages the game) forced me to restart, so I did the opposite. I went to the manly camera place, stared at the camera posters and ignored the barmaid. The bar was now a sports bar with snacks instead of alcohol and the cop was dressed sensibly when I met her again.

Staring at alcohol also seems to make you look like a drunkhard. And in my first playthrough, all my ghosts seemed to be female; during the second, male and female.

I haven't had time to play more, but I did read that the incest thing is one of the three endings. You must've been very pervy to make that happen...

Anyway, I still need to play more, but for now, its a rental. Agree that there's something wonky about the controllers though.

Just stopping in to say that I can't read this title with "Shat" in it without thinking of this picture:

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And I can't unthink it.

I scrolled past all the RAAAAAAAAAAGE... what'd I miss? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Perverted Demon wrote:

I mistakenly joined a forum that requires a modicum of wit and reading comprehension while beating my head on the keyboard like a chimpanzee on shrooms.

And we're how old?

Kitbug wrote:

Perverted Demon wrote:

I mistakenly joined a forum that requires a modicum of wit and reading comprehension while beating my head on the keyboard like a chimpanzee on shrooms.

And we're how old?

It's like an ant infestation, isn't it? I tried searching for wherever it is that's linking us to thirteen-year-olds last night, but Googling "why god why fanfic" just turns up a billion potential snark candidates. There's got to be a particular crack in the wall letting them in somewhere...

Delcat wrote:

Kitbug wrote:

Perverted Demon wrote:

I mistakenly joined a forum that requires a modicum of wit and reading comprehension while beating my head on the keyboard like a chimpanzee on shrooms.

And we're how old?

It's like an ant infestation, isn't it? I tried searching for wherever it is that's linking us to thirteen-year-olds last night, but Googling "why god why fanfic" just turns up a billion potential snark candidates. There's got to be a particular crack in the wall letting them in somewhere...

Wait wait wait.

Wasn't there some troll from GAFF that had an avatar like that? I can't remember who it was... GAWD I KNOW I'VE SEEN THAT BEFORE!! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]