Baby Mine by MouseDragon
A happy ending to a tragic event, leaves the question of... How many Autobot's does it take to raise a baby?
Do you remember the yogurt brand that sold the Whips? How the yogurt was whipped up till there was more air than yogurt? Well this is what happens when you do the same thing to fanfiction.
I am going to take the same approach as the last time and condense the chapters down since there is so much fluff that it becomes meaninglessly insane.
Chapter 1Bumblebee calls Iron Hide in a shaky voice to announce that he has a baby inside him. (Now, before you go and make jokes about not being able to trust Prime when he's alone with his Autobots, be careful you do not wake Harley.) Iron Hide is skeptical but Bumblebee explains that some woman just left her baby daughter in someone elses car because it looked like it belonged to someone with a lot of money. The other Autobots are not so sure about Bumblebee being able to raise a child. But Iron Hide thinks it will be a just reward for having raised Bumblebee up from a sparkling and having to put up with the little Spy's antics.
Yes...this fic is Four Autobots and a Baby.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Chapter 2Bumblebee panics as the baby
springs a leak pees all over his leg. Seriously.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Chapter 3Bumblebee names the little girl Sparkplug, a name that Iron Hide used to call him. Iron Hide shows his deep appreciation by stomping off to target practice and blowing the snot out of what ever is in his way. Oh...and Autobots are fed out of bottles when their sparklings.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
6 years later...Sparkplug wakes from a nightmare and refuses to go back to sleep lest the monsters attack her in the night. Iron Hide and Ratchet make a big show of going off and fighting the monsters so that lil Sparkplug can sleep.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
Chapter 4It's Sparkplug's first day at school and Bumblebee can't let her go. Iron Hide goes all tender much to Sam and Bumblebee's surprise. At Sam's goading, Iron Hide reveals that Bumblebee is Optimus Prime's son, and then gives Sam a sound beating when he asks how Autobots mate.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Chapter 5
Bambi makes Bee cry. Sideswipe and Sunstreaker pull a stunt that ends up getting lil Sparkplug injured and Bee feints. Ratchet yells. A lot.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Chapter 6Sparkplug is in a coma and Bee wants to kill Sides and Streaker. Prime tries to stop him and gets kicked in the crotch for his trouble but proves to be the perfect sage. Then the CPS shows up and everything takes a hard left into cluster-fuck-ville.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Chapter 7Ratchet takes Sparkplug to the hospital while Bumblebee has a mental breakdown. Optimus devises a plan to get Sparkplug back and get the Autobots along with Sparkplug and Sam back to Cybertron.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Chapter 8Sideswipe and Sunstreaker use holograms to pose as two brothers, one of whom is shot. This distracts the hospital staff for Bumblebee and Optimus Prime's holograms to slip past security and head up to Sparkplug's room. They load her onto a gurney and slip her past security by disguising her as a body headed for autopsy. (Curiously they already have the COD before the autopsy is done which would alert most hospital staff. But for the sake of the story, who cares.) They then get Sparkplug into a white Coroners van and drive away.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Chapter 9 - Quote :
- No one in the ER, would ever forget the day the dead man and his brother, beat the crap out of each other, then stood, side by side, hand in hand, dropped their pants, bending over and giving everyone in the trauma room a shining view of two very handsome asses, which would be the subject of several female nurses wet dreams for months to come, then flipped them all off and disapeared into thin air. The terrible twins had struck again.
And then they jump in a rocket ship and blast off...
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Chapter 10Optimus Prime holds a press conference on the White House lawn asking help in giving Bumblebee sole custody of Sparkplug. (Even though they had just been about to leave Earth behind in the last chapter.) Custody is rewarded and Bee and the Twins share a tender moment before celebrating by painting Iron Hide hot pink with purple flowers while he was in stasis.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Chapter 11Things turn all pink and cutsey. Mostly because Iron Hide agreed to stay pink because Sparkplug likes the color. Bee is brought to school for show-and-tell day. Sparkplug, Sam and Bee go out for ice cream and the Autobots chill at the cliff. Sparkplug is heartbroken over not being able to change into a Camero which somehow turns into a fight over which Twin is the "bestest in the whole wide world" and Bumblebee gets the idea to turn Sparkplug into Frankensparks!
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Chapter 12Sparkplug undergoes ninja training and as her first task must distract Rachet while the Twins sneak up on him. Ratchet is found later hanging from the ceiling by bungee cords. Lots of important things are missing from the medbay and Sideswipe and Sunstreaker reveal their science project: Sparkplug as an Autobot.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Everyone expects the worst but it's only Sparkplug inside of a mech suit. Which happens to me mind controlled. At least the weapons systems have not been activated yet. Although from that loud explosion I would say that Murphy's Law is alive and well in the Transformer-verse.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Chapter 13Sparkplug shoots Bumblebee. Bumblebee and Sparkplug share a hug. Iron Hide asks to torture the Twins. Optimus says yes. Iron Hide tells Sparkplug that shocking the twins is just like tickling them and then teaches Sparkplug a new word. "Slag-tard."
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Chapter 14Starscream attacks, Decepticons fill the base and the Twins break the Death Dance and kill all the Decepticons. Starscream disappears as Ratchet discovers that Sparkplug is dying, her suit fused to her body. Prime cradles her as she tells him 'Jazz says to hold on to your lug nuts.', and everything goes white.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Chapter 15Jazz talks in Jive and lays it down for Optimus. That bright flashy light made Sparkplug into a real Autobot and Prime can not understand why he was chosen to be a Prime. Iron Hide tells him that it's just something you accept, like cryptic riddles from Q or random butt-fuckings from Riker. Wait, wrong fandom.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Chapter 16Jazz is Sparkplug's Guardian Angel. Sparkplug gets her first taste of energon and asks to see Bumblebee. Optimus remembers when Bumblebee was her age.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Chapter 17Sparkplug accidentally shoots Iron Hide and sends him off into loopy land where he meets Jazz. They apparently used to be lovers and then Jazz sings. When Iron Hide wakes up, Ratchet smacks him for activating Sparkplugs weapons which causes Iron Hide to burst into tears.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Chapter 18The Twins get tormented by Jazz who pretends to be a giant, evil, rabid bunny about to eat them then forces them to promise to take care of the other Autobots before turning out the lights.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Chapter 19Jazz randomly possesses Autobots and leaves pictures of rabid chipmunks weilding chainsaws with messages that read 'Doc Hatchet Strikes Again' in red letters. Iron Hide blows the Twins apart which makes him feel just peachy and he goes to blow more shit up and Ratchet gets the day off.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Chapter 20Sam and Bumblebee go for a ride. Sam starts touching things and Bee starts going wonky. Hot Rod shows up and they race which makes Bumblebee go big 'O' face, making Hot Rod laugh at him and tease him for Cumming in the middle of a race. Sam asks what the heck Hot Rod was talking about and Bee just peels out and leaves Sam on the side of the road.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Chapter 21The girl driving Hot Rod is the daughter of the owners of Shojen Jump and she moved to America from Japan. BTW, Gakt is the sexiest bishie boy ever.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Chapter 22Sparkplug has a bad dream about Megatron. She also learns that the Autobots can communicate in their heads and the Twins cure their boredom by blasting loud techo music and not letting anyone shut off the connection.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Chapter 23Ellie sings Opera to get back at the Twins for blasting that Techno in the middle of the night then sets the recording on a loop playing inside the Twins' heads. Bumblebee shows up with a very bloody and dead Sam.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Chapter 24Bumblebee squished the human that stabbed Sam. Jazz sings a lullaby to Sparkplug and tells Bumblebee to trust her. Sam dies.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Chapter 25Sam is dead, Sparkplug is human again and Bumblebee goes bat-shit. Jazz speaks to everyone and tells them not to worry and to hang on to their lug nuts. Sparkplug walks in. Optimus has headlights for eyes and talks like Sentinel Prime.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Chapter 26Sparkplug, sitting in Sentinel Prime's hand tells Sam that she can bring him back. Sparkplug tells Bumblebee the same thing and Optimus talks like Sentinel Prime.
Chapter 27Sam is now Cobalt, a bright blue Camero. Cobolt wants to play with Bumblebee's gear shift and they race down the road. Sparkplug drives Jazz who comments that she is a natural to which she agrees since she is an Autobot.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Confused yet? There's more...lots more in the form of sequels. Lots of them.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
Home 
