Titanic--the animated wreck

Thanks to this place, I was acquainted with Titanic: The Animated Movie, or, Titanic: The Legend Goes On… This movie is mainly infamous for the rapping dog scene, because, you know, no movie about the Titanic can be complete without a rapping dog.

What I saw was so bad that I had to see the rest of it for myself. Turns out, the whole thing sucks. Which isn't a big surprise. It's so bad, it deserves a sporking.

There are two versions: an uncut version, and a somewhat shorter cut version, which seems to be the better known.

The plot is the same in both. It's basically James Cameron's Titanic mixed with Disney's Cinderella, with various other things ripped off from other movies. And it all sucks.

There are some differences between the two versions, though. A major difference is a change in the music. I hate to say this, but the rapping dog scene in the cut version is actually somewhat improved from the original. Wow, that hurt my brain. There's also different editing. To some extent, this is actually an improvement, as editing should be. Some extraneous stuff is cut, and some of the lazy voice work and dubbing is taken out. Some of the scenes are reordered in ways that make more sense, too. However, this isn't always the case. Some scenes don't make much sense at all because of how they've been cut or rearranged. In other scenes, the speech and movement is choppy and has clearly been edited to hell.

I've watched both versions, which would have been unbearable if not for the fact that parts of the movie are so ridiculous it makes me laugh.

First, some links:

Uncut version
Cut version
Nostalgia Critic's review

Without further ado, I give you Titanic: The Legend Goes On… the sporking.

First of all, it should be mentioned that the animation is second-rate at best. There are a lot of errors, such as one point where the singer's eyes actually move across her face (as opposed to just looking from side to side). And every now and then, we're treated to exterior shots of the Titanic that look suspiciously similar to those CGI images of the ship you see in documentaries on the sinking.

How has this movie not attracted a hundred lawsuits? It's probably so bad that everyone it steals from just has pity.

the story starts off with the heroine, Angelica, in a lifeboat as the Titanic is sinking. This scene is only in the cut version. Much of this scene is the same repeated footage of Angelica helping row the lifeboat, and then looking to the side and gasping. We get the exact same shot of her about four times. Other shots seem to have been plucked out of context and tossed in here. A couple minutes into the movie, as the ship is sinking beneath the water, one of the old ladies in the lifeboat appears to laugh. WTF? If you're trapped in a lifeboat, you really don't want to be in the one with the old lady who finds the tragedy amusing.

Then, we cut to a flashback, where Angelica is on a train with Cinderella's evil stepmother and stepsisters. Oops, I mean, they're Angelica's stepmother and stepsisters. They just look suspiciously like the ones in Cinderella, right down to their hair colors and the colors of their dresses. They even have an evil cat. I'm getting suspicious, here.

The wicked trio taunts Angelica, who is looking at a blue necklace. Hey, wasn't there another movie about the Titanic that had a blue necklace? Well, this necklace is a locket given to Angelica by her mother, who abandoned her as a baby.

We cut to the boarding of the Titanic. After several seconds of watching a random seagull fly around, we get to play "Spot the Familiar Faces." Look! It's the geese from The Aristocats! And there are the Dalmatians from 101 Dalmatians! I've also read where people see a resemblance between some of the animals and animals from Don Bluth films, but I never saw many Don Bluth movies, so I can't personally attest to this. I believe it, though.

In the commotion, Angelica loses her locket. A guy named Gaston, who doesn't really serve much purpose in the film, finds and pockets it. There's also a detective who's traveling incognito to catch some jewel thieves. This might work better if he didn't look like Sherlock freaking Holmes, complete with a deerstalker cap. There's also some obnoxious woman named Corynthia, her Chihuahua, and her two sidekicks, who look like the bad guys from 101 Dalmatians. Is there nothing original in this movie?

As the humans board the ship, so do the animals. They even have their own miniature boarding ramp into a porthole. A lot of them are ethnic stereotypes—there's even a trio of Mexican mice, complete with sombreros. I'm not sure what Mexican mice are doing in England in 1912, but they appear to be musicians on tour. Okay, whatever. Another group of mice, a family with a son, are also on board.

The whole talking animal thing is wildly out of place. Who is this movie supposed to appeal to? I went through a bit of a Titanic kick when I was about ten, but by that time, I was outgrowing talking animal movies. But any younger, and a movie about the Titanic doesn't seem like a very logical choice for children. I mean, yeah, there are a lot of imaginary kids' movies that have some dark stuff in it, but I could just see the conversation after this movie:

Child: That's sad that everyone died.
Parent: It's a true story, too. Over a thousand people drowned.
Child: *gapes*

Yeah.

Also, making an animated movie about the Titanic with talking animals and comic relief scenes just makes the whole thing even more morbid.

Angelica is sharing a third-class cabin with a kindly old woman and her two grandchildren. She discovers that her locket is missing, and as she looks right at the camera with her pouty, gaping mouth and sultry eyes, I realize what she reminds me of: one of those Real Dolls. She has about as much personality as one, too.

Angelica gets verbally abused by her stepmother and stepsisters some more. They taunt her about how she doesn't have anything nice to wear to the party that's being thrown on the ship (wow, this really does seem familiar…), only this time, their voices echo in her head like some sort of freaky hallucination. Far out!

Now, we get into one of the film's most infamous scene. Yes, that's right: the rapping dog scene. The mouse family is settling into their quarters in the cargo hold. The little mouse boy, who's just met Angelica, wants to invite her to the party the animals are having. The mother mouse says they'll talk to Fritz about it. Wait a second, who the hell is Fritz? (In the uncut version, this part is in a later scene, after they've met him. In the cut version, it's thrown in here. This is just one of the first examples of things not making much sense due to the editing.)

All of a sudden, the stepmother's evil cat and the Chihuahua show up. The cat chases the mice and the Chihuahua just…goes away or something. We don't see him again for a bit, but that's okay, because he serves little relevance except to be compared to a bat by several other characters (is that supposed to be an insult?). Finally, we see Fritz the dog, as he chases the cat off.

Little mouse boy thanks Fritz, and Fritz responds in the most logical way.

He dons a jersey and backwards cap and bursts into rap. It's party time! Every now and then, we get a shot of clapping paws that look disturbingly like furry human hands. Is there a werewolf on board?

Words cannot describe how ridiculous this scene is. It must be watched to be believed.



Looking on the bright side, the rap in the cut version is actually better than the uncut version. In the uncut version, I can't understand any of the lyrics. The refrain sounds either like "Put on the ritz!" or "We're on the fritz!" but who can tell? However, the descent from normal conversation to bizarre rapping is even more abrupt in the cut version. Usually, in musicals, the songs fit the mood of the story as well as the action that's taking place. This does neither. Perhaps Fritz is just showing how talented he is. Not only can he chase away cats, but he can invent fashion and musical genres that won't be popular for decades.

I couldn't find a clip of the rap scene in the uncut version, but it starts at about 4:20 of this clip

After this, we learn that Corynthia and her goons are the jewel thieves. However, this entire storyline is pretty boring and unnecessary. Nothing they do has much affect on the story, except to provide comic relief (and they fail horribly), so I find my mind wandering whenever they're on screen.

Next, we see William and his nanny. It's not really clear what their relationship is. He calls her "Nanny," which I initially took to be a pet name for "Grandmother." But it seems that she's actually a nanny who took care of him as a child. Later, the exact nature of the relationship between them will be relevant, trust me. Nanny randomly mentions her long-lost daughter. Not too many surprises in this story.

Meanwhile, Gaston sweet-talks the ship's singer, Molly (I don't think she's supposed to be Molly Brown. I hope she isn't), who wears an anachronistically revealing dress. Did they have double-stick tape in 1912? 'Cause that's the only way that dress remains fixed to her bust.

Another subplot involves a brash American woman, whom I think might be based on Molly Brown. If Molly Brown tried to "catch" wealthy men with the help of her obnoxious dog, that is.

Down in third class, Angelica gets the kindly granny to do her mending work for her, while she sits around and mopes about her locket.

But we finally get some action (sort of) when Angelica and William meet in the hall. Angelica is carrying the newly mended clothes, and William picks up one of her stepsister's dresses and remarks that Angelica would look ravishing in it. This is supposed to be a compliment, I guess, but the dress is clearly designed for someone about 250 pounds, and implying that it belongs to svelte Angelica is odd at best.

Later, in a crappily edited scene, William visits the stepmother's cabin and, upon being terrorized by the stepsisters trying to flirt with him in their underwear, asks if there's another daughter. The stepmother lies, and William takes it at that and assumes he didn't see Angelica go into that cabin, after all. It's not like anyone on the Titanic had servants.

Later, Gaston gives Angelica's locket to Molly. She then gets on stage and starts singing the one and only song she sings during the entire movie. Unfortunately, this song is somehow and earworm for me. This is what this place has done to me—I've been introduced to earworms from animated Titanic movies. The song is different in the cut version than in the uncut. I think I actually prefer the uncut version's song (and, bonus, it's not an earworm). I guess this is trade-off for the "improved" rap song.

William finally finds Angelica again, on deck. He may have only said a few words to her, but he's in love. Angelica isn't sure:

Quote :

"I don't know whether to believe you or not…"

Angelica finally starts to show some signs of intelligence. The uncut version includes a line where she says

Quote :

"Please don't make fun of me."

You only know the guy from a one minute run-in in the hall, Angelica, and he claims he loves you. That's just kinda creepy. Keep showing this brief burst of intelligence, please!

William wants Angelica to meet him at the reception that night, but Angelica doesn't have anything to wear. The kindly granny in her cabin, as luck would have it, just happens to have an old party dress from her youth that just happens to be Angelica's size. How convenient!

Meanwhile, The talking animals rescue the missing locket and return it to Angelica. Speaking of which, Angelica isn't freaked out at all by the fact that there are talking, clothes-wearing animals on board, which suggests she's not so bright, after all. Yeah, it wasn't exactly realistic that Cinderella was friends with the talking animals, either. But nor was it realistic for a fairy godmother to turn a pumpkin into a carriage. It was a fairy tale. This is the Titanic. Unless this is some parallel universe where animals can talk and wear clothes, this shouldn't be making sense to her.

At the reception, the detective comes in wearing the disguise of a…well, a third class passenger, I guess, because that's what he's mistaken as. What he looks like is a gypsy stereotype, maybe. This guy really doesn't understand the meaning of disguise. You're supposed to blend into your surroundings, not stand out. Less than a minute later, he's in a different, but just as stupid disguise with red hair and a black beard. He's not a great detective, either. The jewel thieves try to steal some jewelry, but it's the talking dogs that thwart them. That's just embarrassing.

While waiting for Angelica, William has a flashback to all the times he's seen her. He's only met her a couple times, so we're just treated to more footage of her carrying around her stepsisters' laundry basket and leaning on a railing. Riveting. Also, since it's implied that all this stuff is a flashback Angelica is having while in the lifeboat, that would mean she's having a flashback of William's flashback. What's especially annoying is that in the scene where Angelica and William first meet, there's a shot of him touching Angelica's hand, and his finger bends in a really weird way. Seeing a repeat of the scene just calls more attention to it. Though, that may be a secondary issue to the fact that she's having a flashback to events that she couldn't possibly know anything about, such as the jewel thieves.

Angelica shows up, and she and William make with the tonsil hockey. There's not much of interest to report, here, except that Angelica's gloves magically disappear in the middle of the scene, only to reappear again later. The animation really is that bad.

Finally, we get to the iceberg. There can't be too much more of this, now. Up in the crow's nest, they spot something alarming: it's a bunch of small chunks of ice! Wait, that's not very alarming. Let's look again. AH! Now it's a huge iceberg! So that's why the ship couldn't steer away fast enough—the iceberg formed in front of them in a matter of seconds. As the iceberg hits, we're treated to the same shot of the hull tearing—repeated four times. The brave workers try to save the ship...by throwing water around in buckets. At least aim for outside the ship!

We get another animation flub as William finds Angelica amongst a throng of escaping third-class passengers—two women in the background are marching in place, rather than moving forward. Were we seriously not supposed notice this?

The uncut version also has an interesting voiceover issue right after this, where the same voice clip is repeated several times by an officer telling people not to proceed. I know they were lazy, but repeating the same sound clip over and over? He sounds automated. Maybe he's supposed to be like one of those robotic angels in the Doctor Who episode. They fix this in the cut version, thank goodness.

Meanwhile, on deck, Molly the singer begins to perform as people around her get into lifeboats. Now, I don't expect too much realism at this point, so I know the band isn't going to start playing "Nearer My God to Thee," but really, the same damn love song she's been singing the entire movie doesn't seem appropriate here. This is not the time for a slow dance.

Angelica proceeds to the lifeboats, leaving William aboard the doomed ship. Suddenly, we're right back where we started, with Angelica rowing that damn boat. Haven't we seen this clip enough already?

On board, William breaks a window for no apparent reason--why doesn't he use the door? It's his turmoil…his horrible turmoil over being separated from Angelica!

In the uncut version, there's a truly perplexing moment during the boarding of the lifeboats. William's nanny smiles and, upon told to get in the lifeboat, remarks

Quote :

"We're on a boat in the middle of the ocean!"

Is the stress making her go senile? The clip seems to have been taken from an earlier scene where she responds to William telling her about how he can't find Angelica anywhere. Why they initially stuck it in here, too, is a total mystery. It's taken out of the cut version, though, I can't imagine why it was put in the movie in the first place.

Meanwhile, First Officer Murdoch roughhouses his way into a lifeboat, saving his own life at the expense of a lesser officer. Charming man.

While William floats helplessly in the freezing Atlantic, Angelica finally finds her long-lost mother. Well, it's nearing the end, so I guess time is running out for it to happen. It just so happens she's in the same lifeboat as William's nanny, who suddenly recognizes the locket. Could Angelica be her long lost daughter? Has this movie done anything so far that isn't predictable? Nanny assures Angelica that she would never abandon her—she just left her with the wicked stepmother because she and Angelica's father had to. Which…is still abandonment. Just understandable. Maybe. We never learn why, so it's anyone's guess. Maybe they had a good reason, or maybe they were on the run from the law or something. Angelica doesn't care.

We also learn that Nanny raised William like a son. Which is kind of creepy, considering he and Angelica are in love now. Yeah, it's not incest since they're not related, but still, weird connotations there.

Suddenly, they see someone who looks like William floating in the water. Though he's not far away at all, Murdoch, whom they're lucky enough to have in their lifeboat, doesn't want to stop to rescue him. Only, it's not William, but the stupid detective. Angelica is disappointed. But since they've already grabbed him, they have to rescue him anyway. Darn.

Until now, the talking animals were unaccounted for. I would never want a bunch of animals to drown, but that rapping dog is probably demonic. If it saved the world from him....But never mind, the animals are floating on a crate. They rescue a chef who's floating in a giant pot. In the uncut version, this is accompanied by a lengthy flashback to a slapstick scene where the chef tried to catch one of the mice. Because really, what we really need here is some comic relief. You know, to offset the screams of the drowning people. Still, things look pretty hopeless for the animals…until a bunch of dolphins come and rescue them. WTF?

Back with the lifeboat, we get the same clip of the kindly granny saying, "Look! Over there!" And then, what looks like the same shot of a man floating in the water as we saw before, only reversed. Only this time, it's William. What follows is a badly-edited bunch of clips as they pull William over, all while Murdoch yells at them to let him go. Can his family sue for defamation? Did the makers of this movie not realize that the Titanic had a real First Officer who died and maybe shouldn't be portrayed as a total jerk?

And really, Murdoch's concerns about overcrowding or tipping the boat seem groundless. There's a ton of room in there. The characters can move around at ease, and even stand. Maybe in this version, so many people died because each boat only had a handful of people.

As William revives, he and Angelica embrace, illuminated by a light that seems to come from nowhere.

The next thing we know, it's over.

Except, it isn't. All of a sudden, we hear a shrill, hard to understand child's voice.

Quote :

"Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Where are you going? The movie isn't over yet! Don't you want to know what happened to everybody?"

They all froze or drowned. The end.

The kid is supposed to be the mouse kid, I think. But he just sounds undecipherable. In the uncut version, he even flubs the lines a little bit.

We get a brief epilogue, where the kid informs us that the mice are living with the chef they "rescued," (yeah, right, it was the convenient dolphins that rescued all of them), the detective got a promotion (but the rapping dog is working with him, probably doing all the work. All he'd have to do is rap at the criminals, and they'd turn themselves in), and the stepsisters have married the jewel thieves for some reason. William and Angelica are married of course, and it's all happily ever after. Except for all those people who died.

Quote :

"Bye for now! And…see you soon!"

Oh, hell no. I don't think so.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

There are no words. This makes badfic look good.

DeeDee wrote:

Maybe in this version, so many people died because each boat only had a handful of people.

That's about the only realistic bit. Many of the boats were launched half-full (or less). That was at the beginning. When people figured out that the ship was actually sinking, they jammed into the rest so that some of them were overfull and threatening to sink.

Yeah, the lifeboat situation was almost as fucked-up as this movie.

Lady Anne wrote:

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

There are no words. This makes badfic look good.

DeeDee wrote:

Maybe in this version, so many people died because each boat only had a handful of people.

That's about the only realistic bit. Many of the boats were launched half-full (or less). That was at the beginning. When people figured out that the ship was actually sinking, they jammed into the rest so that some of them were overfull and threatening to sink.

Yeah, the lifeboat situation was almost as fucked-up as this movie.

Yeah, that's true. Still a bit of a stretch in the movie, though. There are a lot of shots where you only see one or two people in the boat, with lots of room around them and nary another person in sight, even though there are supposed to be at least eight people in there. I think the movie was going for easier animation rather than historical accuracy.

It’s probably only me, but watching the rapping dog actually made me a bit ill physically. His animation reminded me too much when I’m at sea and suffer seasickness. Considering this movie, it’s appropriate.

WOAH. This is on a level of WTF that I thought was usually occupied only by seriously deranged badfics*. That animation is...bad. Really bad. Uncanny Valley bad. And that's the most minor part of the awfulness, along with the blandness and contrivedness of the central love story plot (based on the sporking above, the Nostalgia Critic review and the TV Tropes entry).

The real WTFery is the mish-mash of cliches from and near- to outright plagiarism of other animated movies (one possible ripoff that wasn't mentioned above or in the Nostalgia Critic review was the 101 two Dalamations sharing a string of sausages like the two dogs in The Lady and the Tramp do with spaghetti), AND, of course, the worrying implication in places that the filmmakers either weren't aware the Titanic disaster happened outside a James Cameron movie or really didn't see a problem with sticking wacky talking animals into a horrible maritime tragedy. I'm seriously going to do some research to see if I can find out what, if anything, the creators had to say about it.

*It would not surprise me in the least, actually, to see a Titanic badfic where:

-Rose's mother was actually her stepmother
-Jack survived and he and Rose live happily ever after (OK, this one has no doubt been done to death)
-There are adorable talking or at least intelligent animals who help the two out.

Edit: I looked at the director's IMDB page, and boy, does his filmography not surprise me! His other masterworks (as director, producer or executive producer) include Navigators of the Space (though I think the Engrish there is a translation screwup), Killer Crocodile 1 and 2, College Girl On Vacation and my personal favourite title, Exterminators of the Year 3000.

Edit2: An interesting tidbit from a blog entry at Rotten Tomatoes:

Quote :

If you're wondering why this was called "The Legend Goes On", there were a couple of other European animated Titanic films before this one.

I haven't seen this mentioned anywhere else yet.

Edit3: Also, check out The Magic Voyage (warning, TV Tropes link), another apparently bizarre In Name Only adaptation of a true story - that of Christopher Columbus, in this case. Christopher Columbus and his talking woodworm buddy, that is, and his fairy princess girlfriend from the moon who gets kidnapped by evil bugs. YA RLY.

A rapping dog? God, rap didn't even EXIST in 1912. Seriously, it didn't exist back then. Pretty much literally.

Why would an old woman take a dress that must be 60 years old with her on a sea voyage ANYWHERE? She could have maybe had a daughter pr a friend but NO, it's was HER dress.

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Why would an old woman take a dress that must be 60 years old with her on a sea voyage ANYWHERE? She could have maybe had a daughter pr a friend but NO, it's was HER dress.

Also, wouldn't the dress most likely have been a) mouldy and b) so out of fashion it would make snobs' heads explode?

I love the MIDI score in the uncut version. The music at the beginning of this part sounds like it was ripped out of an obscure Squaresoft game from 1994.

Keith Fraser wrote:

Edit2: An interesting tidbit from a blog entry at Rotten Tomatoes:

Quote :

If you're wondering why this was called "The Legend Goes On", there were a couple of other European animated Titanic films before this one.

I haven't seen this mentioned anywhere else yet.

There's The Legend of Titanic—which also happens to be Italian, although it's apparently so rare that the YouTube user could only find the Czech dub. This one also dips into the Don Bluth well and actually makes its (androgynous) Fievel ripoff the star, and it more than makes up for its lack of rapping dogs with the most inappropriate use of a mutant octopus ever (start at 4:40).

Quote :

Edit3: Also, check out The Magic Voyage (warning, TV Tropes link), another apparently bizarre In Name Only adaptation of a true story - that of Christopher Columbus, in this case. Christopher Columbus and his talking woodworm buddy, that is, and his fairy princess girlfriend from the moon who gets kidnapped by evil bugs. YA RLY.

OH MAN OH MAN I REMEMBER THIS MOVIE. It seriously started off with Columbus believing that the earth was square after going through a whole series of globes cut into random geometric shapes.

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Why would an old woman take a dress that must be 60 years old with her on a sea voyage ANYWHERE? She could have maybe had a daughter pr a friend but NO, it's was HER dress.

Nostalgia Critic's explanation of this ("I'm lying of course - I stole it!") fits perfectly here.

Every fucking scene, every fucking line of this is sporkable, without difficulty. It may be the worst thing ever to exist, it could even trump A Sound of Thunder (which is REALLY bad), and that's saying something.

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

A rapping dog? God, rap didn't even EXIST in 1912. Seriously, it didn't exist back then. Pretty much literally.

Also, not only were backwards baseball caps and ghetto blasters not around in 1912, I'm pretty sure they were out of date by 2001 when the film was made. So the dog is from the late 80s/early 90s era? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

He's Doctor Who's dog form! You can tell from the way he's out of date and time travels!

And when I say 'did not exist', you know I mean 'did not exist' in the same way as washing machines and iPods - it had not been INVENTED. If that dog had rapped, people (mice are people too) would have stared in disbelief. And when he starts going on about shooting people, which is generally all rap seems to consist of, he'd be freaking ARRESTED.

I wish I could spork this, but I CAN'T because the movie pretty much sporks itself. It's so fucking dumb, that I could swear it's a troll unless I saw the shit happening right before my eyes.

The effing rapping dog reminds me of another epic failure of an animated dog.

Maybe Camillo Teti is a troll...

Hot Cancer wrote:

Maybe Camillo Teti is a troll...

A troll with hell lot of spare time and money on their hands... I wish I could reach that level too.

Keith Fraser wrote:

The real WTFery is the mish-mash of cliches from and near- to outright plagiarism of other animated movies (one possible ripoff that wasn't mentioned above or in the Nostalgia Critic review was the 101 two Dalamations sharing a string of sausages like the two dogs in The Lady and the Tramp do with spaghetti),

I noticed that, as well. There's pretty much nothing original in the entire movie. Unfortunately, it's hard to relate all the crappiness without resorting to a play-by-play of the entire movie, since there really isn't anything in it that doesn't suck or look suspiciously like something from another film.

Keith Fraser wrote:

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Why would an old woman take a dress that must be 60 years old with her on a sea voyage ANYWHERE? She could have maybe had a daughter pr a friend but NO, it's was HER dress.

Also, wouldn't the dress most likely have been a) mouldy and b) so out of fashion it would make snobs' heads explode?

Indeed. Do you think they had those as seen on TV vacuum sealed bags back then, too?

I'm not an expert in 1912 fashion by any means, but I'm pretty sure the dress would probably be super outdated after all those years.

Mae Bedlam wrote:

There's The Legend of Titanic—which also happens to be Italian, although it's apparently so rare that the YouTube user could only find the Czech dub. This one also dips into the Don Bluth well and actually makes its (androgynous) Fievel ripoff the star, and it more than makes up for its lack of rapping dogs with the most inappropriate use of a mutant octopus ever (start at 4:40).

Yeah, I actually stumbled upon that while I was looking for clips of this movie. To be honest, I had to quietly back away from that one, because I think I can only deal with one thing at a time. I mean, it's one thing to accept that there's one horrible animated Titanic movie--it's quite another to accept that it's not the only one. It's like when that link got posted to the gallery of artwork of dragons fucking cars. It just boggles the mind.

It looks like that one might be almost as bad, but it's hard to tell since I don't understand Czech.