Worst of Fanfiction List, "The Gaffapedia".

We need a Wikipedia. Doesn't everybody have them now? I think there's one on cacti.

Complete with pages describing the members.

Yes, we will suffer for our suffering. Wouldn't it be wonderful? Just think about it? It's always great to be famous, even if it's just because everybody hates you.

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The Legend of Hunter Takahashi. Probably the most infamous Marty-Stu ever to invade the X-Men fandom. Hunter Takahashi is Japanese and a samurai (or at least claims to be one) whose mutation is vampirism and who strides around putting gays/women/liberals/etc. in their place, wanting to restore 'Samurai Mutant Vampire Honour', winning every fight he gets into with no great difficulty, raping the female characters for his 'monthly breeding' and constantly talking about how great he is.

I have nothing useful to add except that I was giggling for an hour after I read "monthly breeding"

Cori Falls should be on this list. She combines sappy OOC Rocketshipping and overall batshit egotistical delusional fangirl-ism into one big ball of epic lulz.

No one has mentioned squirrelking or his travesty Halflife: Fulllife Consequences yet. Anything as poorly written as Fulllife Consequences deserves a mentioned. It has some of the worst spelling and grammar imaginable, possibly giving DR. Thinker a run for his money.

It's also a troll by an SA goon, though unlike Dr. Thinker, it's also genuinely entertaining no matter what form you experience it in.

Alhazred wrote:

It's also a troll by an SA goon, though unlike Dr. Thinker, it's also genuinely entertaining no matter what form you experience it in.

And it's required that the Epic Reading combined with Garry's Mod be posted in every thread it is mentioned.

Penguin wrote:

Alhazred wrote:

It's also a troll by an SA goon, though unlike Dr. Thinker, it's also genuinely entertaining no matter what form you experience it in.

And it's required that the Epic Reading combined with Garry's Mod be posted in every thread it is mentioned.

And the remix:

TheIan wrote:

No one has mentioned squirrelking or his travesty Halflife: Fulllife Consequences yet. Anything as poorly written as Fulllife Consequences deserves a mentioned. It has some of the worst spelling and grammar imaginable, possibly giving DR. Thinker a run for his money.

You fo' real?

TheIan wrote:

No one has mentioned squirrelking or his travesty Halflife: Fulllife Consequences yet. Anything as poorly written as Fulllife Consequences deserves a mentioned. It has some of the worst spelling and grammar imaginable, possibly giving DR. Thinker a run for his money.

Haven't you seen the "movie version" of this thing on youtube? It's totally hilarious.

This may be a stupid question but why do most of the horrible fics listed involve rape in some form?

The gruesomeness makes the fic memorable, probably. It's probably easier to be horrifyingly bad than hilariously bad.

ahhh....

It might also be due to the fact that the bulk of fanfiction written is about people shagging. Many of the golden oldies are about suethor self inserts and pwp, and not about rape per se.

Ok. So, most of the golden oldies are just shit writing while most of the new stuff is torture-rape-porn?

Well at least it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be.

Observed wrote:

Ok. So, most of the golden oldies are just shit writing while most of the new stuff is torture-rape-porn?

Well, there's always Celebrian which is one of the most classic ones...

Though personally I prefer the ones that are bad for different reasons, like Burning for You.

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I am not so easily affected by beauty, of any kind, for I am the very pylon streaking across loveliness' polychromatic sky!

... says Gandondorf.

LogosPilgrim seems worth a mention. Literally everything she writes is weepy urple about how Severus Snape has tuberculosis (or pneumonia, or some other severe debilitating febrile illness) and is trying and failing to hide this fact, and everyone else is so MEEEN to him and he's such a good, kind, longsuffering soul that's so pure and pious and also sometimes becomes an Eastern Orthodox priest.


You thought I was kidding about that last bit, didn't you?

She's also written books about him--essays really--about how no one really understands Snape and his inherent goodness, not even the author who created him. Apparently adoring a fictional greasy-haired misanthrope is the key to a closer relationship with God; who knew?


Oh, yeah, did I mention she also likes to cosplay as him?

Does anyone remember the name of an extremely bizarre Gundam Wing fanfic I snarked on I believe it was the Green Board that involved Due and Hero finally having sex, and Hero somehow managing to severe an artery in Duo's ass so he bled to death? I can't remember the name or where I found it, but someone snarked a truly horrific GW fanfic last night on Weeping Cock, and someone else mentioned the Due/Panther fic, and I mentioned the one where he bled to death with neither of them noticing it, and now several people want to read it.

I can't remember where I found it, but Duo was presented as the usual blushing virgin and weeping uke, and the idea that you could bleed to death from anal sex (it wasn't even rough anal sex) was just too silly to let pass.

Any help would be appreciated. If you can find it, I may snark it for Weeping Cock. Very strange story written by someone who obviously knew nothing about the human body.

Rabid Badger wrote:

Does anyone remember the name of an extremely bizarre Gundam Wing fanfic I snarked on I believe it was the Green Board that involved Due and Hero finally having sex, and Hero somehow managing to severe an artery in Duo's ass so he bled to death?

No, but I'm not sure I want to know.

you're talking about Sepiroth. That chick has written tons of Gundam Wing stories involving Duo being raped,preggers, and/or dying! Here website is a goldmine of badfic! Here's the link:

http://www.geocities.ws/jnurichan/sephiroth.html

I'm mildly surprised no one has yet mentioned that pussy-on-pussy action that is Bedtime for Luna.

Oh yeah, I had completely forgotten that one.

CTK reporting in...I'm a new member and all but I have this to submit. It's called A Perfect Prefect's Bath: I'm not sure how this got overlooked, its pretty old. It's yet another Harry Potter fic. The basic idea is that during Goblet of Fire Moaning Moaning Mrytle (the ghost from the bathroom) has Cedric tell Harry to come in the bathroom so she can seduce him. He comes in there to solve a puzzle that was given to him for the tournament, she admires his "manhood" and then suddenly she strips naked despite then crying about how they can't do anything. Then Harry suddenly figures out some kind of thermal dynamic BS excuse that allows them to touch by using warmth? And moments later we have Harry Potter having sex with a ghost and her declaring him her one true love.

Also there are some moments of gold like this:

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Harry's head snapped Upright, no longer viewing the egg in his hand he was able to now see that the voice had came from the ghost that normally hunted the bathroom on the third floor, Moaning Myrtle. She was staring downing at his erect dick and smiling.

Yeah, he misspelled haunted...

Oh yeah and this sentence:

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Harry kicked his bringing himself to the top of the tub and stared at myrtle.

...doesn't make anymore sense in context.

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He swallowed and stared, it was the first nude body of a girl he'd seen, never mind the fact that she was dead, she was gorgeous. Her Hair was parted into two pig tails, one placed on either side of her head. She had on a small pair of reading glasses; the two images together gave her the look of a sexy school girl. And that's exactly what she was before she died. Her Brest were size b-cup, perfect and her nipples were a light violet color.

Okay, seriously what the fuck is with these people...I think I have seen these type of descriptions enough times to know--they always are the lead in to terrible sex and sobbing, the sobbing being you after you're done reading.

Also Harry's dick seems to have some kind of throbbing issue. Oh and here's the confusing ass body heat part, you tell me what this is supposed to mean:

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She turned around about to fly away, thinking that it had just occurred to him that he couldn't touch. When in fact that hadn't been what happened at all, Harry had tested a thought of his." Wait" Myrtle turned to face him again, with her eyes full of tears. And now also a hint of hope. He continued, "When I touched you, you shivered as I did. Could you feel me?" She thought about that, she hadn't felt him that was for sure, but she had felt something, something she hadn't before. "Warmth, I could feel heat" Harry smiled, "so could I, I've touched you before, and I've always felt a chill, tonight though it was heat. Don't leave, come to me."

"But we still can't do anything Harry. I can feel warmth from you, and while it's more than I've ever felt from someone since dieing, it doesn't change the fact that we couldn't be able to touch each other." Harry looked at her now he was smiling, "But we can do so much with heat." When he said 'heat' his voice was almost a growl.

Myrtle was still confused but she walked over to Harry. When he indicated for her to, she laid down on the ground facing upwards. With a nervous look upon her face she closed her eyes tight, looking not unlike a scared virgin on a wedding night. Harry crawled between her legs, being careful not to touch any part of her body accidentally. He licked his lips to moisten them and lightly laid them against myrtles mouth. Her eyes flew open she tried to throw her arms around Harry's body but they went straight threw his body. She looked startled, not understanding, didn't she just feel him kiss her? How come she couldn't touch him back? It was Harry who explained. "When you felt me kiss you it wasn't really that, I simply concentrated on sending my body heat into you, and that's what you felt. You can do the something, don't put your hands threw me expecting them to stop when we meet. You have to push as much of your body heat as you can into the part of me you want to touch. You'll catch on, obey my hands"

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to down this bottle of rubbing alcohol.

I just love it when people confuse "threw", which is a verb (1.3. person singular preterite), with "through", a preposition which usually starts an adverbial clause.

You don't have to be a philologist to figure out the difference.... and that confusing these two homophones can become a big source of lulz.

The Scientist wrote:

I just love it when people confuse "threw", which is a verb (1.3. person singular preterite), with "through", a preposition which usually starts an adverbial clause.

You don't have to be a philologist to figure out the difference.... and that confusing these two homophones can become a big source of lulz.

I honestly didn't notice it, I was trying to understand the awkward explanation I was given for why its possible to doink ghosts.

Cardboard Tube Knight wrote:

The Scientist wrote:

I just love it when people confuse "threw", which is a verb (1.3. person singular preterite), with "through", a preposition which usually starts an adverbial clause.

You don't have to be a philologist to figure out the difference.... and that confusing these two homophones can become a big source of lulz.

I honestly didn't notice it, I was trying to understand the awkward explanation I was given for why its possible to doink ghosts.

Because the author said so. If Vampires can have sex, despite having had their bodies drained of blood and possessing no pulse or heartbeat, then ghosts can have sex, despite the fact they're nothing but shades of the dead and completely insubstantial.