The irony, it burns.

There is good writing, and then there are authors mired in an imaginary battle to write good fiction as if they are attempting to rid the world of bad writing. Well, what these whiteknights tend to forget is that their work can be torn apart much like any other writer's. These whiteknights believe in the absolute truth of good versus bad fanfiction, when in reality they wallow in their guilty pleasures much like anyone else. It's hypocritical. And honestly, knowing how to write does not mean that your work is considered "good" or even remotely interesting. I believe they call it... having heart?

With the current events of this board, I feel it is relevant to mention the work of The Battling Bard.

What we are presented with in the first line of this user's profile is a battle cry- an exercise in futility- to grab other like-minded pretentious writers' attention.

Quote :

There will always be the threat of The Horny Fanwoman hanging over us like the Sword of Damocles (except fatter, stupider and cuntier). Join this Facebook group and say NO! To your favourite characters being turned into sex obsessed beasts. NO! To smug self promotion. NO! To Tolkien being perverted to suit horny fantasies.

Note how they fail to mention that thinly-veiled shit that contradicts these rules is labeled as a parody.

The author goes on to say that her (I will assume it's female) goal is to drag the LOTR up past gutter-level. Now I do not understand how one person can do that, nor do I understand how anyone can be so pretentious as to believe that their own writing is enough to pull a fandom out of the gutter. She goes on to say that she believes in being cruel to be kind when it comes to critiqueing. Now how the fuck is anyone going to help raise standards in a fandom when they're going around flaming the badfic authors instead of kindly taking them in and showing them how it's done?

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Having said that, I am a fan of fanfiction, and don't have a particularly high standard (just look at the fics on my fave list), so if I do give you a bad review, it does mean your story is particularly awful

The irony, it burns.

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Feel free to flame my stories, my feeling is if I dish it out, I should be prepared to take it back. I will not get angry and never revenge flame.

Haha. Let's find out if she means it.

Now a bunch of things she does not like people to write about in the LOTR fandom is listed. I do not know about LOTR and maybe someone more knowledgeable can check it out. It just screams "pretentious clusterfuck" though.

Now the first steaming pile of pretentious shit I bring you is Muchs Mighty Cock. It wouldn't be so bad if the author was more good-natured, really. She takes herself waaaay to seriously.

Quote :

Much groaned with longing, pleasure building in the pit if his stomach, eyes clouded with desire. Hands caressed as the moon and stars shone brightly in the night sky. With his mighty sword erect, he plunged it into the heart of the cock he desired above all others.

Now for starters, how does pleasure build up in the pit of someone's stomach? The only feeling that comes to mind is nausea. What did his hands even caress? And uh, plunging swords into cocks? Ow. Irony. So much for standards.

Quote :

“For heavens sake Much, will you stop playing with that bird, I'm starving!” Exclaimed Robin, a bite of impatience in his voice.

“Well Master, you do know how much I love a bit of cock.”

Butt-head: huhuh, you said "cock".

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Gotcha! How many people thought that was going to be slash?

Translation: BOW TO MY AWESOMENESS.

So yeah, even supposed "goodfic" authors aren't immune to writing crap. They just cover their asses with conventions.

Crossposted to the badfic challenge thread, and The forum she moderates.

It's a trollfic! Nice hypocrisy on the Battling Bard's behalf.

But you gaiz, it doesn't count 'cause s/he is just trying to save the fandom really no really you gaiz

Oh my, the grandiloquence with which this braggart carries themselves does amuse. To think they haven't cottoned to the fact that they're fighting a pointless, impossible and altogether silly little "battle"! I dare say I haven't laughed so heartily since tiffin!

DON'T BE STUPID

OF COURSE NO ONE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO HAVE RED HAIR

AND EVERYONE IS STRAIGHT ALWAYS COMPLETELY BECAUSE THE AUTHOR WAS

AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON FANFICTION AWARDS THE OTHER STORIES DON'T DESERVE TO BE IN THE SAME CATAGORY AS MY MASTERPIECES AND IF ANYONE ELSE WINS IT'S MEANINGLESS MEANINGLESS DON'T YOU DARE SAY OTHERWISE THEY'RE RIGGED

ALSO DAUGHTERS HOW COULD YOU MAKE A COUPLE HAVE A DAUGHTER THAT'S SO BORING AND LAME AND IT'S NOT LIKE THAT EVER HAPPENS IN REAL LIFE EVER IF YOU ALREADY HAVE A DAUGHTER IT'S ILLEGAL TO HAVE ANOTHER ONE ISN'T IT?

ALSO AU STORIES WHAT IS THAT HOW CAN YOU MAKE THE STORY INTERESTING IF SOMETHING DIFFERENT HAPPENS THAT'S RIDICULOUS

AND WHY WOULD YOUR OC WANT TO LEARN ELVISH IF THEY DON'T SPEAK IT ALREADY I THOUGHT IT WAS OK TO JUST MOVE CLOSER AND SPEAK LOUDER

ALSO SEX SCENES SEX SCENES MAKE ME ANGRY JUST BECAUSE I FEAR MY GENITAL ORGANS DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU CAN ENJOY YOURS

ALSO BRITAIN HAS NO MYTHOLOGY NONE AT ALL PEOPLE LIKE THE CELTS NEVER EXISTED EVERYONE JUST APPEARED WHEN TOLKIEN WAS BORN

I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT BECAUSE I AM BETTER THAN YOU LOOK I'M NOT GETTING ANGRY AT YOU THIS IS BECAUSE I AM BETTER THAN YOU LOOK I AM NOT FLAMING I AM CRITIQUING HARSHLY THIS IS BECAUSE I AM BETTER

Quote :

Now how the fuck is anyone going to help raise
standards in a fandom when they're going around flaming the badfic
authors instead of kindly taking them in and showing them how it's
done?

Which side are we on, again?

Wandering Critic wrote:

Quote :

Now how the fuck is anyone going to help raise
standards in a fandom when they're going around flaming the badfic
authors instead of kindly taking them in and showing them how it's
done?

Which side are we on, again?

It's really, really hard for me to take a writer seriously when they are fandom nazis but their own writing is terrible. Just sayin'. YMMV of course.

/agree x 10 about people whose own writing is terrible. Hypocrites are failure at its finest. However, I suspect "kindly taking [crapthors] in and showing them how it's done" is probably not going to get a lot of traction around here, seeing as the whole purpose of this board is laughing at bad writing and bad writers.

You've gotta give BB some credit for the "Statements I never want to read again" section. Five out of the nine make my list of reasons I want to smack a fanbrat with a 2x4. Or a sequoia log. On the other hand, she could definitely use a visit to my website, specifically the section on dialog. Oh, and the part about apostrophes, too. What a place to spot a greengrocer's apostrophe!

At least there's someone out there who makes me look calm and nice.

Wandering Critic wrote:

/agree x 10 about people whose own writing is terrible. Hypocrites are failure at its finest. However, I suspect "kindly taking [crapthors] in and showing them how it's done" is probably not going to get a lot of traction around here, seeing as the whole purpose of this board is laughing at bad writing and bad writers.

You've gotta give BB some credit for the "Statements I never want to read again" section. Five out of the nine make my list of reasons I want to smack a fanbrat with a 2x4. Or a sequoia log. On the other hand, she could definitely use a visit to my website, specifically the section on dialog. Oh, and the part about apostrophes, too. What a place to spot a greengrocer's apostrophe!

At least there's someone out there who makes me look calm and nice.

I don't know. I've always thought you sounded perfectly calm.

Wandering Critic wrote:

/agree x 10 about people whose own writing is terrible. Hypocrites are failure at its finest. However, I suspect "kindly taking [crapthors] in and showing them how it's done" is probably not going to get a lot of traction around here, seeing as the whole purpose of this board is laughing at bad writing and bad writers.

I see what you mean now and I stand corrected.

What? TBB makes you look friendly in comparison? You're nice as it is :/

Does she actually have a Facebook group called 'The Horny Fanwoman" set up? Because while I generally avoid both Myspace and Facebook like the plague, I'd set up an account just so I could join and then deliberately troll them. And I don't even write in the LOTR fandom.

I wonder how she'd react to canon slash?

Rabid Badger wrote:

Does she actually have a Facebook group called 'The Horny Fanwoman" set up?

Yep! Well, almost.

Quote :

Say NO! To Horny Fanwomen!

Description:
Horny Fanwomen are taking over the Tolkien fanfiction world like proverbial locusts. Say NO! To your favourite characters being turned into sex obssesed beasts. NO! To mindless crappy pwp with no purpose but to give these desperate housewives something to wank to. NO! To smug self promotion

Horny fanwomen are total fucking arseholes and deserve our utter contempt

*Add your name to this list and sat NO! To horny fanwomen. Together we may be able to fight back against this unnatural breed that give Lord of The Rings and Silmarillion fanfiction a bad name*

[Insert tl;dr list of 21 reasons to hate]

Anyone who sticks up for the fanwomen will have earned my utter contempt.

Add your hatred to this thread and fight back against the evil that is The Horny Fanwoman!

Verandering wrote:

Rabid Badger wrote:

Does she actually have a Facebook group called 'The Horny Fanwoman" set up?

Yep! Well, almost.

Quote :

Say NO! To Horny Fanwomen!

Description:
Horny Fanwomen are taking over the Tolkien fanfiction world like proverbial locusts. Say NO! To your favourite characters being turned into sex obssesed beasts. NO! To mindless crappy pwp with no purpose but to give these desperate housewives something to wank to. NO! To smug self promotion

Horny fanwomen are total fucking arseholes and deserve our utter contempt

*Add your name to this list and sat NO! To horny fanwomen. Together we may be able to fight back against this unnatural breed that give Lord of The Rings and Silmarillion fanfiction a bad name*

[Insert tl;dr list of 21 reasons to hate]

Anyone who sticks up for the fanwomen will have earned my utter contempt.

Add your hatred to this thread and fight back against the evil that is The Horny Fanwoman!

And she believes these people exist only in the LOTR fandom? :roflmao:

Wow, and I thought our rants sometimes veered into self-righteous back-patting. This guy (or lady) takes the proverbial cake and wolfs it down in one bite.

I love how one of hir rules is 'no troll fics'--unless, apparently they're troll fics by the Battling Bard.

Quote :

Horny Fanwomen are taking over the Tolkien fanfiction world like proverbial locusts. Say NO! To your favourite characters being turned into sex obssesed beasts. NO! To mindless crappy pwp with no purpose but to give these desperate housewives something to wank to. NO! To smug self promotion

Horny fanwomen are total fucking arseholes and deserve our utter contempt

*Add your name to this list and sat NO! To horny fanwomen. Together we may be able to fight back against this unnatural breed that give Lord of The Rings and Silmarillion fanfiction a bad name*

[Insert tl;dr list of 21 reasons to hate]

Anyone who sticks up for the fanwomen will have earned my utter contempt.

Add your hatred to this thread and fight back against the evil that is The Horny Fanwoman!

None of that is misogynist at all! Especially not the part where horny fan men are not mentioned! Nope! In fact, the Battling Bard loves women! As long as they aren't horny! Horny women? Whoever heard of such a thing!? They're an unnatural breed!

ROFLMFAO! BALEETED!

Quote :

The Battling Bard:

I decided to wield my little used admin powers and blocked those people and deleted there posts. After the drama of last year, I really don't want to turn the forum into a war zone again.

Quote :

The Battling Bard:

I like to think of this as a safe haven for like minded people, I've had too much experience with that kind of thing to know it can quickly get out of control. Don't need that kind of stress at the moment.

OMG GAIZ SHE HAS TOO MUCH EXPERIENCE IN HER ONE YEAR ON THE INTERNETS

One of my pet peeves is the kind of scene where you think two characters are having sex and then it's suddenly revealed that no! they're doing something completely different! Gah! It's not original in the least and it wasn't all that funny the first time it was done. Way to rip off an old comedy routine, BB.

Maybe someday I'm going to write up my thoughts on fanfiction (I know, I know, but what are your thoughts on yaoi?). The thing about fanfiction is that the stuff that isn't badly written garbage is brainless. Unlike most original fiction, it doesn't even try to weave in anything deeper than just what's on the literal level. Most of the time it's scared of even moving away from the canon, scared of branching out. I realize that you could label things like Sir Gawain and the Green Knight 'fanfiction' but the stuff we have today is a far cry from people using a pre-invented scenario to show the reader something new and exciting.

Fanfiction, even most well written fanfiction, tends to not come out above the level of a pulp fiction novel. You know why? Because that's what it is. It's mindless entertainment. Hell, most of the source material is already close to mindless entertainment, so it's derivative mindless entertainment, which means you need even less of a brain to read it.

Is there anything wrong with that? No. There is nothing wrong with that at all. Everyone needs to have fun once in a while. The problem is when people get a stick shoved up their ass about the ~*~state of fandom~*~ while they're really just writing the same stuff as everyone else. It's even worse when they start ragging on about sex fanfiction when, really, they're writing stuff that's on the same intellectual level, just without the sex. Hell, the sex stuff is probably more entertaining than their stuff because most fanfiction amounts to ten chapters of boring ~*~drama~*~. We need more adventure stuff out there.

Also, there is the rare fanfiction that's actually smarter than the source material the person is using. Kudos to those people.

PS:

Quote :

There will always be the threat of The Horny Fanwoman hanging over us like the Sword of Damocles (except fatter, stupider and cuntier).

I, for one, would like to see a sword with a vagina.

Dr. Professor Science wrote:

Maybe someday I'm going to write up my thoughts on fanfiction

(proceeds to do so)

It's Someday already? Alright! All the vapourware is gonna come out at last!

^
Naw, there's more than just that. This is the abridged only-the-relevant-stuff version.

Quote :

There will always be the threat of The Horny Fanwoman hanging over us like the Sword of Damocles (except fatter, stupider and cuntier). Join this Facebook group and say NO! To your favourite characters being turned into sex obsessed beasts. NO! To smug self promotion. NO! To Tolkien being perverted to suit horny fantasies.

Now look, you silly pseudo-intellectual, everything in existence will at one time or another be used for sex-purposes, it's the way the human race operates. What sort of clean, innocent, conservative world do you think you're living in? Porn is one of the major functions of the Internet.

Quote :

Now look, you silly pseudo-intellectual, everything in existence will at one time or another be used for sex-purposes, it's the way the human race operates.

But . . . but, these stories are written by women over the age of thirty. Everyone knows that sexual interest ends at the age of twenty-six. Or ought to!

Randy wrote:

Quote :

Now look, you silly pseudo-intellectual, everything in existence will at one time or another be used for sex-purposes, it's the way the human race operates.

But . . . but, these stories are written by women over the age of thirty. Everyone knows that sexual interest ends at the age of twenty-six. Or ought to!

I got bad news for you, bucky. Some of the women writing them are waaay older than 30.

Quote :

I got bad news for you, bucky. Some of the women writing them are waaay older than 30.

And some of the men are too, my young friend.

Quote :

I wonder how she'd react to canon slash?

She says she's cool with it -- as long as it's not in Tolkien, because nobody in Middle-earth was ever, possibly gay. Nope, don't even think about it.

Quote :

Maybe someday I'm going to write up my thoughts on fanfiction (I know, I know, but what are your thoughts on yaoi?). The thing about fanfiction is that the stuff that isn't badly written garbage is brainless. Unlike most original fiction, it doesn't even try to weave in anything deeper than just what's on the literal level. Most of the time it's scared of even moving away from the canon, scared of branching out. I realize that you could label things like Sir Gawain and the Green Knight 'fanfiction' but the stuff we have today is a far cry from people using a pre-invented scenario to show the reader something new and exciting.

Dr. Professor Science, you've been reading in the wrong archives.

Verandering wrote:

ROFLMFAO! BALEETED!

Quote :

The Battling Bard:

I decided to wield my little used admin powers and blocked those people and deleted there posts. After the drama of last year, I really don't want to turn the forum into a war zone again.

Quote :

The Battling Bard:

I like to think of this as a safe haven for like minded people, I've had too much experience with that kind of thing to know it can quickly get out of control. Don't need that kind of stress at the moment.

OMG GAIZ SHE HAS TOO MUCH EXPERIENCE IN HER ONE YEAR ON THE INTERNETS

hehe. n00b

Quote :

OMG GAIZ SHE HAS TOO MUCH EXPERIENCE IN HER ONE YEAR ON THE INTERNETS

Quote :

hehe. n00b

Er, The Battling Bard/Last Temptation of Homer has been at FFN since 2005 at least. She's no n00b. Occasionally she clashes with people who have the chops to fight back, and that's what she was referring to.