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 Forever Knight: Nick and Nat's Live Sex Show FOR GREAT JUSTICE! A GAFF Repost

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Jenny Islander
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Join date : 2009-07-16

Forever Knight: Nick and Nat's Live Sex Show FOR GREAT JUSTICE! A GAFF Repost Empty
PostSubject: Forever Knight: Nick and Nat's Live Sex Show FOR GREAT JUSTICE! A GAFF Repost   Forever Knight: Nick and Nat's Live Sex Show FOR GREAT JUSTICE! A GAFF Repost EmptySat Jul 25, 2009 11:23 pm

I first read ShadowDancer in 1997 and it's all coming back to me now, like pizza burps the morning after a party. The author, StormyNite, won awards at fkfanfic.com and went on to publish profic under her real name, which I won't post here. From what I've read, it's clear that she has grown as an author, so I hesitated to post this old story. Then I reread it. It's so bad. It's so good.

It starts pretty well:

Quote :
She walked out of the club at a little after 2 am. God, she was tired. It seemed like every night she danced the crazies got worse. It wasn't fun anymore. Her sister always told her to quit when it wasn't fun, but she was past that now. She needed the money and the tips were incredible. Men would pay a fortune for fantasy sex. So she had to take her clothes off to get the big bucks. So she had to put up with the crazies that pounded on her door and followed her home periodically. She could handle it. She was, after all, an educated, bright articulate woman who could take on the world at any time.

Jeannie walked down the alley toward her car and wrapped the jacket around her tighter as the wind picked up. She didn't hear him until it was too late and her scream vanished with the wind.

------------

Natalie squatted by the body looking for any samples of skin under the nails before she bagged the hands. Schanke questioned the owner of the club who found the body in the alley as he'd left to go home. He hadn't heard or seen anything. Nat could hear bits and pieces of the conversation as she finished her preliminary work.

Nick finished the background check and preliminary interview with the deceased roommate and needed more. He squatted down beside the body and watched Nat work. It never ceased to amaze him how calm and detached she seemed when she worked. He envied her that. It was like a switch that she turned on and off at will. She told him once it was the practiced 'shell' approach. It was the only way to survive in medical school, but it seemed to Nick that lately, she forgot to take it off more times than not. Of course, who was he to talk about closing himself off from people and the real world. It made it hurt less when it came time to move on. Maybe that's why he'd noticed it of late. She was becoming more like him all the time.

"Got anything, Nat?"

She had been watching his face periodically trying to figure out what he was thinking. Nick was so good at hiding his feelings and it bothered her more than she was willing to admit. "Not much different than the other 2 this month. She was beaten, raped and killed right here if I'm guessing....and very quickly. He didn't take time to clean up after himself. There's semen on her thighs and the ground, as well as the blood. Most of it's hers as near as I can tell. I won't know positively until I get it all back to the lab. She's in her late twenties or early thirties, athletic, good health and obviously a dancer. Anything helpful from the roommate?"
I quoted such a long excerpt to show StormyNite's strengths. She neatly sketches the character of the walk-on murder victim. The pacing is a lot like an FK episode and the canon characterization and dialogue are spot-on at first. She adds some thoughts that fit Nick and Nat and their edgy romance: they worry, they wonder, but they don't talk. It is a nice irony that they are worrying about the same thing.

It is obvious already, however, that StormyNite needs a proofreader. Besides the tense and punctuation problems, we have stuff like this:

Quote :
Nick finished the background check and preliminary interview with the deceased roommate
Nick is a medium?

The B plot, which is going to devour the A plot, sneaks into the very next paragraph:

Quote :
"Not really." He sighed and helped Nat up as she stripped off her rubber gloves. "Roommate said she danced usually till closing because the tips were better than the early shift. She worked 3 nights a week." He smiled and touched her elbow to make her look at him directly. "How did you know she was a dancer?"
Because Nat overheard Schanke's conversation with the strip club owner, as noted above? No. Nat explains that she can recognize a dancer by her legs. Oooh, foreshadowing.

Now we get the Man-Eating Glamor Girl From Central Casting. In this story, she is an OC, Marissa Devoux, who does something with computers at the police station. You know the drill: She sees the male lead, she wants him, she disses the female lead's looks and fashion sense while gossiping in the ladies' room, and guess who is sitting in one of the stalls?

Quote :
As the door shut, Natalie open the stall where she had stood silently and walked quietly to the mirror. A single tear ran down her cheek which she quickly brushed away only to find another taking its place.
Oh, crap, it's the Single Tear. No, wait--it's a near miss. Whew. Anyway, Natalie angsts for a couple of paragraphs. At least she doesn't break into sobs.

Okay, so on her way home, she's thinking:

Quote :
Somehow along this little road they had been traveling, she had fallen in love with her best friend. A best friend that just happened to be a 800 year old vampire. Was it even possible for him to love her back in the way she wanted....no....needed? She didn't know and she didn't think Nick did either. The closer they got, the more complicated and risky it became. They both knew it.
This is the last bit of in-character Nat you're going to see. Instead of going home, she goes to Nick's loft and fills one of his bottles with her own blood. That's right: She draws enough blood to fill a wine bottle all at once and doesn't have a problem with it. She then puts on one of his silk pajama tops and crawls into bed with him. Nick wakens from a pleasant dream about Nat asleep in his arms to discover that Nat is asleep in his arms. Awww. He gets uncomfortably hungry, starts breakfast, and that's the last bit of in-character Nick for this story because, of course, he happens to pull out the bottle of Nat from the row of bottles in his fridge. Upon detecting her thoughts in her blood--to StormyNite's credit, this is canon for FK vamps--he has a four-paragraph epiphany. When he comes out of it, Nat is sitting on the floor with him, and this time she is crying the Single Tear. There is kissing in clinical detail. Tongues fence, bodies mold, etc. There are urple confessions of love:

Quote :
"Tell me what to do, Nick. Tell me....and fear nothing because I love you. I have faith in you....in us. We have a future together. I know that as sure as I breathe."
This from the character who once snapped, "God, what is your childhood trauma?"

They share a little blood, which somehow grants her the ability to read his thoughts as if she were an FK vampire. She sees his terrible past, accepts him, cries another Single Tear, the beast is soothed, and Natalie--oh, dear:

Quote :
"Fear not, my beloved. I will love you throughout eternity and nothing will prevent us from being together....not what you have been or what you are. I am yours, body and soul, for as long as you will have me. Say only to me that you feel the same way and there is nothing we cannot conquer together." She touched his lips gently to hers and melted her body into his. Nick raced into the shower at vampiric speed, quickly washing the coating of melted Canon Sue down the drain and scrubbing himself clean as the rest of her oozed back out of his offended pores. He scrambled into his clothes and flew off in search of the real Natalie Lambert.
There's another half-page of urple and schmaltz. New chapter. It's two weeks later. Glamor Girl decides to plant doubts in Natalie's heart. Nick, Don Schanke, and another cop, Miller, are in the police bullpen. G.G. saunters up to Nick, sits in his lap, kisses him, and wriggles around, knowing that the precinct captain is in his office nearby. Naturally, Schanke is dumbstruck, Nick pushes G.G. away, and the Captain angrily summons Nick to his office. Then we get this bit from Miller, who is the Designated Gullible Bystander for this story:

Quote :
"I guess the rumors are true then. Marissa and Nick are a hot item. God, what a lucky guy...he has to be one of the hottest women I have seen in ages.
Nick is a drag queen?

Quote :
The only thing that can come close to her is the dancer over at the 'Hidden Box'.

"What?" Schanke was slowly recovering.

"I said This is your Official Plot Coupon, which you can redeem for the B plot. Pay attention, Don! that dancer over at the 'Hidden Box' was the only woman I have ever seen that could hold a candle to Marissa.. Nick's a lucky man." Miller strolled off shaking his head mumbling about great legs and nice buns.
So Schanke, who suspects that Nick and Nat have finally gotten off the fence, heads for the morgue to have a painful conversation, but before he can raise the subject, Nat's coworker Grace races in to do the same thing. Why, it's good old Grace in her usual cameo as Natalie's unofficial mom--because she has no life beyond the morgue and Nat's romantic troubles! Natalie cracks up, and:

Quote :
Schanke and Grace couldn't believe her reaction and in unison placed their hands on their hips and screamed. "NATALIE!" Then they turned to each other. "Why are we screaming?" they screamed. "We never scream," they screamed. "But the author is plugging us into a standard adolescent romantic wish-fulfillment plot, so we have to conform," they screamed. "Eeee! Boyz II Men are sooo hott!" Don added.
We know how this one goes. Female lead laughs off Glamor Gal's behavior, asserts trust in male lead. Male lead happens to have been listening, walks in, and kisses her. Awww.

Schanke obediently waves the Plot Coupon:

Quote :
As the couple stood before them both Grace and Schanke breathed a sigh of relief. "Well, partner, I'm glad to see you have at least the good taste to stay with the best woman of the group. Unless of course you decide you want to chase that new dancer over at the 'Hidden Box' that Miller and half the precinct are talking about." Schanke chuckled as the daggers flew from Nat's eyes at him. "I think we should check her out, partner. She might be involved with these exotic dancer murders somehow. At least it's worth a peek. Don't you think?" Schanke loved to rile Natalie and getting Nick in trouble was just such fun.
We are a quarter of the way through the story now. The A plot finally reappears:

Quote :
"Come on, Schank. We have work to do and I don't think the 'Hidden Box' has the answers we need, ...but their dancers may be targets. Our killer has gone 2 weeks without a victim. He's overdue. We need to cover all the bars that sport dance floors and at least warn them." Nick grabbed Schanke by the arm and led him out the door.
New chapter. There's been a fourth murder, this one at the Hidden Box. Schanke and Nick drive over there; Nick's mind drifts, we discover from his daydream that he and Nat haven't had sex, and StormyNite briefly redeems herself with Schanke's pitch-perfect dialogue:

Quote :
"Smiling uncontrollably for no reason. People are starting to talk. They say you are a goner. No hope....nada....hit big time by the love bug. Wedding bells are in your future, partner. You got all the signs. Believe me!"
But Mr. Levine drags the story back into the jaws of the B plot. The only witness is a dancer named Shadow. Here's how Mr. Levine describes her:

Quote :
"She only dances in the shadows. At first I thought she was nuts when she approached me, but I have to admit it's the sexiest thing I have ever seen....and the mystery."

"What mystery?" Nick's curiosity was peaked now.

"The fact that you never know when she is going to dance. She just shows up, dances, drives them crazy and leaves. I have never seen her dressed the same or with the same color of hair twice since I met her. She wears sunglasses and a long black trenchcoat when she comes in and leaves."

"Are you saying, Mr Levine, that she doesn't work for you as a regular and you have no idea who she is or when she will dance?" Nick was astounded and slightly confused.

"That's right, Detective! She just shows up, we drop the screen and turn on the light, she does the rest. Each time it's a different dance. She has done everything from interpretive jazz to incredibly
exotic stuff. She makes over a $1000 a night in tips and believe it or not, the fact that they don't know if she'll show up makes it even more exciting. She has some incredible routines and her costumes are really unique."

"So if she doesn't work for you on salary, she just takes the tips?"

"She doesn't even do that. She has me collect them and send them over to the nuns over on 4th that run the Children's Home. She checks with them and if I don't deliver, she lets me know and won't show up for several days. It kills me, so I make sure they get it the next day now." Levine seemed a little ashamed of his behavior for trying to cheat the children.
Can you guess who Miss Shadow really is? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
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Jenny Islander
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Sporkbender



Join date : 2009-07-16

Forever Knight: Nick and Nat's Live Sex Show FOR GREAT JUSTICE! A GAFF Repost Empty
PostSubject: Re: Forever Knight: Nick and Nat's Live Sex Show FOR GREAT JUSTICE! A GAFF Repost   Forever Knight: Nick and Nat's Live Sex Show FOR GREAT JUSTICE! A GAFF Repost EmptySat Jul 25, 2009 11:23 pm

Naturally, Miss Shadow shows up that night. Because her professional anonymity is much more important than saving her life, they agree to interview her for five minutes only, while she is changing behind a screen. This leads into two full pages of Suvian goodness. Highlights:

Quote :
Schanke figured Nick must have been ogling the merchandise as bad as himself, but he turned to find his partner staring at the screen with a confused look on his face. That was the look.....confused or upset. Schanke grabbed Nick's arm jerking him back to reality. "Nick? You okay?"

Out from behind the screen walked a petite black haired woman wearing sunglasses. Her straight black hair swung well below her waist as the full length black silk Japanese robe clung softly to her figure. Her eyes were covered with dark sunglasses. She casually walked over to the vanity and raised one delicate foot slowly and pulled the leather thigh boot over her leg. The motion was slow, sensual and so provocative Schanke's mouth dropped as he stared speechless at this petite woman. How much costume was beneath the robe was not obvious, but Schank had a burning desire to find out.
Quote :
She slowly walked across the room. Every motion was deliberate and sensual. She screamed 'take me' with her walk, her shoulders, her hips and finally her lips. She stopped only a hairs breath away from Nick and slowly slid her finger down his shirt front stopping at his belt and lingered slightly. Having sized Nick up she moved her attentions to Schanke and slowly ran her fingertips up his arm until they brushed under his chin. She smiled slightly as her perfume radiated throughout the room. Slowly she let her the flat of her hand trace Schanke's side and stop at his hip. Just far enough to entice and tease but not fulfill an immediate need. Then she spoke.

"I saw the man, Detective...." Her voice was sensual, as well as soft, now and she slowly walked back to Nick to size him up more closely.

Her eyes locked with his through the dark lenses and she slowly ran both her hands up his shirt front stopping at his neck. She pulled his face down to hers and whispered...."I can give you everything you want, Detective......descriptions, drawing, or anything else you might need......or want." She released him and stepped back displaying a great deal of leg encased in leather through the silky material of the robe, and smiled knowingly. "I dance for you tonight, Detective Nick night,....remember that."
Quote :
Shadow presented her backside to them coyly as she sauntered back towards the screen to finish dressing. "Come see me after the performance, Detective Knight, and I'll tell you everything you need to know. Now, gentlemen, you will excuse me as I finish dressing. The crowd will get restless." She disappeared behind the screen dismissing them.
Hoo boy. Anybody still in the dark about Miss Shadow's identity? Or about which character StormyNite identifies with? This is the kind of canon rape that happens when authors love too much.

From here on, it's going to be short. We are a third of the way through the story. This is the header of the next chapter:

Quote :
Adult:
Part 6
Song by Madonna off the Erotica album
Song title Erotic
Three pages of Miss Shadow, behind a screen, with a whip and an aroused man (Jacob, who works for Mr. Levine), acting out the song. Two more pages of Nick and Miss Shadow groping each other in her dressing room. I have to quote this:

Quote :
The g-string was truly a black leather with a matching dog collar with spikes. Her hair was wild and free and she sported leopard face paint and a black leather headband that matched the design on her boots. The skirt that appeared on stage as filmy tendrils that swirled around her legs was actually made of fine soft black leather strands.
WARNING. WARNING. HUMONGOUS SURPRISE AHEAD. HUMONGOUS SURPRISE AHEAD. HERE'S HOW THIS CHAPTER ENDS:
Quote :
"What have you done to me, Natalie? What magic is this?" Natalie stepped out from behind the dressing-room screen and brained the petite, black-wigged extra from a Madonna video with a Mallet of Doom she had borrowed from that nice Japanese kid at her last canon rape support group meeting. "Snap out of it, Nick! This little plastic bimbo just did her damnedest to turn you on! We both know that arousal equals hunger equals homicide! And she actually put . . . her hand . . . on . . . Schanke's . . . I can't even say it. Come on. We're leaving."
In chapter 7, they have sex, along with lots of urple dialogue. Selves and pelvises are ground (ouch), breasts are kneaded (owie), various tender bits are nipped by pointy fangs (OW!), a manhood screams for relief, and so on for three pages and an hour and a half.

In chapter 8, there is a page of afterglow and joining of souls before Schanke finally bangs on the door. Nick realizes that he is now wearing most of Natalie's leopard face paint and tries to scrub it off. Schanke is furious and accuses him of stepping out on Natalie. And then:

Quote :
Someone cleared their throat behind him and Schanke turned to find the long black haired woman they met earlier standing behind him. This time she wore a trenchcoat over jeans and low healed boots. Still wearing the sunglasses, she walked closer and stopped only inches from him and let her hand run down the front lapel of his jacket slowly.

Schanke's breath caught in his throat. She stood only inches away from him as her perfume surrounded him in a cloud of femininity.

"You would protect your friend from me, Detective? I am a big mistake in your eyes? A mistake that your partner cannot handle.....cannot afford or this little relationship of his will falter?" She let her hand lay softly, unmoving now, on his jacket as she awaited his answer.

Schanke stuttered slightly. "A mistake....no.....yes.....I mean....." Schank removed her hand and stood back to catch his breath and arrange his thoughts. If she wasn't so damn sexy, he could think clearer. What was it about this woman? Finally, he had control of the mush he called a brain again and stared at his partner who had now crossed the room to stand by this bewitching creature. "It's just that Natalie is a very special lady, and I don't want her to get hurt because you can't keep your hands off the blonde enigma here." Schnake glared at Nick as if he had betrayed Natalie on purpose.

The petite woman smiled and removed her sunglasses with one hand and the wig with the other and then chuckled. "Thanks, Schank! Glad someone's watching out for my interests." Nick reached over and pulled her up against his side as Schanke's mouth dropped open and he stumbled slightly in shock.

"NATALIE????" He squeaked when his voice returned to his lips.

Nick laughed and Nat leaped out from behind the screen and ran the Natalie!Sue through with her sword, which was a gift from that sorrowful and dignified Elf she had met at the last canon rape support group meeting. "Schank! Snap out of it! You're the best homicide detective in Toronto besides Nick! She's got you so messed up you can't even remember her hair color!" smiled ear to ear.
Nat explains that she used to blow off steam in college by dancing, they have a friendship-bonding moment, and we're finally back to the A plot, three-fifths of the way through the story. Nat has already explained things to the Captain, who agreed to keep his two best detectives in the dark until Nat could explain her hobby to Nick. In the meantime, a composite of the suspect was released at 2 a.m., while Nick's manhood was still screaming. As Nat explains:

Quote :
The picture was on the street as of 2 am. I had that much time to get it straightened out with Nick" She reached over and took Nick's hand in hers and squeezed it gently. "I think we got it straightened out...didn't we?"
Um, yeah.

A week passes without a lead. We still have about 16 pages to cover. Guess what happens next?

Yep. The Captain wants to use Natalie as bait, Nick is furious, Schanke sympathizes, and eventually Natalie convinces Nick not to stand in the way. So we're back at the Hidden Box, which has been packed every night in hopes of Miss Shadow's return. And . . .

Quote :
Levine knocked and then entered when commanded. Shadow stood before him in a one piece ankle length leotard of black silk with high heels and a flowing , see through transparent cover the shimmered in the light as she walked. It was like diamonds of light over the darkness that started at her shoulders, tapered to fit her waist and split into 8 or 9 pieces ended mid thigh. It was designed to pick of every piece of light and enhance every motion of the body underneath. She wore long black straight hair brushed loosely about her shoulders as well as her usual black sunglasses. Behind her stood the blonde cop Tracy Vetter? Is that you? that was with her when she left 7 nights ago. He wore tight black leather pants and boots with a white, open collared shirt that billowed freely about the arms. Looking closer you could see elegant ruffles that flowed elegantly over the backs of his hands from the tapered wrist of the sleeve. It reminded Levine of the shirts pirates wore sailing the open seas. It made the Nick appear sleek, strikingly handsome, and extremely sensual. Odd he hadn't noticed his good looks before, but the effect of the couple together was almost breathtaking.

"Shadow? What's up?"

"I have a bodyguard, Mr. Levine. I hope you or Jacob don't mind. I'm a material witness now, and the only way I was allowed to dance was if Detective Knight is glued to my side." She motioned to Nick who stood slightly behind her.

Nick nodded to Levine and smiled.

"You look great, Detective." He smiled back at Nick and then clasped Shadow's hand. "I'll take you anyway you want to dance, Miss Shadow. You know that. Besides, with you at his side he won't have to dance anyway." Levine kissed the back of her hand before he let it drop.
I need a shower.

Anyway, there's four pages of silhouetted bumping and grinding, ending in onstage sex, to the tune of Celine Dion's "It's All Coming Back To Me Now." Remember, Schanke is on the other side of the screen that hangs across the stage. Mr. Levine can tell from the quality of the humpa humpa that Nick and Nat are lovers. The plainclothes cops planted in the audience are describing their hard-ons over their radios. I really need a shower.

More humpa humpa in the dressing room. A delivery man shows up with flowers for Miss Shadow. But wait! He sticks a needle in her hand! It's the killer! Nick opens a giant can of vampiric whup-ass! He then turns his back on the perp in order to angst over Natalie! Schanke yanks open the door in time to see Nick shot in the back with a .38! The bullet goes through him and hits Nat! Schanke shoots the perp! Nick, still in costume and coughing blood, flies Nat to a hospital! Nevertheless, nobody notices a thing amiss or out of place! Nick manages to hypnotize Schanke with a preposterous cover story! One last tender scene between Nick and Nat! We end on a kiss! And there are two sequels!

Put a fork in me; I'm done.
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Forever Knight: Nick and Nat's Live Sex Show FOR GREAT JUSTICE! A GAFF Repost
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