Ok, Nihilist, Raine, Khan, and I were discussing bizare cross-over ideas, when I suggested Friends/Star Trek TNG. I started to roleplay it. Things spun out of control.
unskilled78 : [Troi] Captain...I sense no intelligent life on that planet."
unskilled78 : [Picard] Mr. Worf, seperate the saucer section, and crash the stardrive section into that planet."
unskilled78 :[Worf] Sir?
unskilled78 : I'm taking no chances.
Nihilist :[?] That's really fucking stupid, Captain
unskilled78 : That...thing.. is as much a threat to our species as the borg.
Nihilist :[Data?] Well, we can't do much if Riker and Troi are still on that planet partying with Rachel
Nihilist : much boobage
unskilled78 : Mister Data, how would you like to become my number one, complete with all the "privilges" therein?
unskilled78 : Computer, select a random child on board the enterprise, and connect me to it.
Nihilist : [Data] I am programmed for multiple techniques, a broad variety of pleasuring
unskilled78: Kid, can you spout obvious phrases like "I sense anger" when we are being fired upon?
unskilled78 : [Child] yep. I shore can, captain.
unskilled78 : Excellant, you're hired.
Nihilist :But captain, what are you going to do about commander Riker?
unskilled78 : As of now, you are acting Commander Data.
Nihilist : Dr. Crusher is going to be upset, Wesley is still down there as well
Nihilist: you know we could just contact them and beam them up, Captain
Unskilled78: No, I can't have the enemy know what we're planning.
Nihilist: but they're not intelligent, as you said Captain
[color=blue]Nihilist: they will amount it to witnessing a remnant of Pop Culture, nothing more or attribute it to the liquor
Unskilled78: I suppose. All the same, activate encryption scheme Tango-Sierra 11.
Nihilist: Aye, Captain. Preparing crew for beam-up
Nihilist: Okay, they're all here, still want to blow this planet up?
Unskilled78: Terminate it with extreme prejudice.
Nihilist: separating stardrive section
Unskilled78: Make sure we're at a safe distance.
Nihilist: okay, we're crashing the saucer into Earth in 3...2...1...
Nihilist: Oh, I already calculated that, Captain.
Unskilled78: I don't know who would forget such a thing...
Nihilist: BOOOOOOOM.
Unskilled78: wrong section, Mr. Data.
Nihilist: ah, shitsticks.
Unskilled78: The Saucer Section has most of the crew-quarters.
Unskilled78: , but the Stardrive section has the warp-drive (Anti-matter) & photon torpedoes.
Nihilist: I appear to have had the instructions mixed, up, my apologies Captain.
Nihilist: I was supposed to launch the stardrive into the planet, not the saucer.
Nihilist: again my apologies
Unskilled78: Mister Data, has my offer of l'amore so discombobulated you?
Drabbler : [Joey] "You Klingons think you could *bleep*ing mess with me? Well, say hello to my photon torpedos!"
Nihilist: Why, I am not sure, Captain.
Nihilist: You did make me feel quite happy and worthwhile there.
Unskilled78: Tell Me, Mister Data, have you ever read the classic book "A Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy"?
Nihilist: Why yes, Captain.
Nihilist: Well captain if I did possess real feelings, I would say you made me feel quite happy and worth it and it made me lose a bit of forethought.
Unskilled78: Very Good. I'll be in my ready room. Riker, you have the dick----er bridge.
Nihilist: May I join you in the ready room, Captain?
Unskilled78: by all means, Livingston is quite a voyeur.
Nihilist: Very apt, Captain. As you know I am programmed with a variety of sexual techniques. Which would you prefer?
Unskilled78: Pick a random one from the human-male compatible category.
Unskilled78: Variety is the spice of life.
Nihilist: Ah, yes captain. Would you like to go reverse cowgirl?
Unskilled78: As my French ancestor said at Trafalgar, Yippie-kie-yay, motherfucker.
Nihilist: Yes captain, just give me a few minutes to dress into something more comfortable.
Unskilled78: Computer, play music file Picard-Gamma-Alpha-Picard.
Nihilist: Okay, I am ready, naked and ready to service you Captain.
Unskilled78: Authorization: "Who's your daddy? Suck IT!"
Nihilist: This music is quite nice, Captain.
Unskilled78: Veryyy good, Mister Data.
Unskilled78: Merde. Have you been working out, Mister Data?
Nihilist: Why yes, I appreciate you noticing my efforts, Captain.
Unskilled78: Natasha Yar didn't know what she was giving up.
Nihilist: Ah, yes, Tasha.
Unskilled78: Oh, Data! Do me like I was Tasha.
Nihilist: She was quite attractive, Captain, but I find you more fulfilling. I hope you find the same for me.
Unskilled78: Certainly, Your penis fits in my anus much better than hers did.
Nihilist: Ah, well you knew of her secret then, Captain?
Nihilist: Also, your anus is quite taut.
Nihilist: It does not take much of a penis to fit it.
Unskilled78: Of Course. How do you think a woman got so close to commanding a starship?
Nihilist: True, true.
Unskilled78: They must "prove" that they really want the job. and that they have the "skills" for it.
Nihilist: Now I am going to move up and down to massage my penis against your anal walls, captain
Unskilled78: Please, continue
Nihilist: I will move at a variable rate so as to keep you excited.
Unskilled78: Engage!
Nihilist: Thrusters engaged!
Unskilled78: Oh, Livingston, you've gone and messed your tank again.
Unskilled78: and we both know how hard fish-love-juice is to clean up...
Nihilist: most certainly..
Nihilist: Captain, I feel as if I may expel fluids into your anus. Shall I proceed?
Unskilled78: Mister Data, Will I bear a cyborg child as a result of this?
Nihilist: No, captain. I am sterile, but possess the means to rid myself of old fluids
Unskilled78: Very Well. Fire off whatever phalton-topedos you wish
Nihilist: Aye aye, captain. But are you insinuating that you want a cyborg child?
Nihilist: That is something I simply cannot provide.
Unskilled78: No, When I was assimilated by the Borg, the queen apparently extracted some of my seed and used it to create drones.
Unskilled78: Two days ago, Starfleet received a transmission from a "DUC&P" stating I was remiss in child support.
Nihilist: Oh, I apologize. I have simply not remembered that incident, and am surprised that you remember as well, Captain.
Unskilled78: Mister Data, I do not expect any of my crew to be perfect, even you.
Nihilist: So I am guessing that all your wages are garnished to support these drones?
Unskilled78: No, apparently Starfleet has something called the Kirk fund, which is a part of the "black budget" for just such a situation.
Nihilist: Oh, I am aware of that, what a waste of money that is.
Nihilist: So how else shall I pleasure you today, Captain?
Unskilled78: Why, Mister Data. I do believe it is my turn to pleasure you.
Nihilist: Ah, well thank you, Captain
Unskilled78: So, how may I please you?
Nihilist: Well, I have already pleasured my penis, in the act of pleasuring you.
Nihilist: So if you so desire, you may pleasure my own anus and tease my testicles.
Unskilled78: Very Well. To boldy go where no man has gone before.
Nihilist: You know I am a virgin?
Unskilled78: I have no idea where that came from. it just pops into my mind, every week or so.
Nihilist: Oh, never mind.
Unskilled78: Your anus caresses my penis so well, Mister Data. Tell me, did Doctor Soong intend for this use?
Nihilist: Most certainly, captain. He even tested it himself, on many an occasion.
Nihilist: It had to be perfect for him, so am I safe in assuming you both have the same girth and length of penis, captain?
Unskilled78: It would seem so. One of life’s many, wonderful coincidences
Nihilist: Not as if I would expect you to know. Your penis is quite pleasurable, infinitely more than Dr. Soong's.
Nihilist: It must be an extra bit of code in my programming.
Unskilled78: Thank you, Mister Data.
Nihilist: Captain, would you mind engaging a bit harder?
Unskilled78: I'll do my best, Mister Data.
Nihilist: I appreciate it very much.
Unskilled78: I apologize, but my sinews and muscles are not as good as they once were.
Nihilist: That is alright, captain, you being inside me activates something I've never "felt" before
Unskilled78: Why Mister Data, I do believe I have, to quote an early 21st century euphuism, broken your ass-cherry
Nihilist: Now I cannot remember if I can become pregnant with human children, captain, but I am willing to take that risk for you.
Nihilist: Now is that semen in my anus? Logic dictates so.
Unskilled78: Oh, QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ
Unskilled78: YES!
Unskilled78: YES!
Nihilist: My instruction set does not include programming for moans. I guess I am supposed to be a quiet fellow.
Nihilist: And I wish Q were here.
Unskilled78: It takes all kinds, Mister Data.
Nihilist: It's only natural that it would, Captain.
Dr. Professor Science : ... But I am here, Mon Capitaine.
Unskilled78: Q! Perfect timing.
Nihilist: Why- it's Q!
Nihilist: Q, were you watching the entire time?
Nihilist: If so, it is quite intriguing.
Dr. Professor Science : No, not at all. Your human activities are very strange.
Unskilled78: Well, Mister Data, out of all the wonders of the galaxy, I am sure your penis is the only one that would fit in my anus.
Nihilist: But I am not human and am only responding as my programming dictates.
Nihilist: Why thank you, Captain
Dr. Professor Science : My penis can fit any anus I so please.
Nihilist: So this is a human activity you do not find so strange, Q?
Nihilist: Q, so can you please demonstrate how your penis can fit any anus?
Dr. Professor Science : The Q reproductive cycle takes ten thousand years and is not so... messy. Messiness is fitting, however, considering the way humans act the rest of the time.
Unskilled78: This is hardly reproduction, Q. This is simple pleasure.
Nihilist: I am unable to reproduce, Q.
Dr. Professor Science : How strange and... oddly provocative.
Unskilled78: By comparison to your normal state, I'm sure your interactions with us seem far more messy.
Nihilist: Admit it, you want to join in and interact, if you know what I mean
Unskilled78: Why, Mister Data, I did not know you had mastered the art of a double entendre
Nihilist: I was practicing just for an occasion like this, Captain. Deanna Troi seems to be an excellent teacher in that regard.
Unskilled78: Yes..I suppose she would
Nihilist: My apologizes, Captain.
Dr. Professor Science : I suppose
Unskilled78: No, I don't mean that in any negative way
Dr. Professor Science : It's not a form of human interaction I am familiar with.
Dr. Professor Science : However, I am certain that my penis can take on any shape you so wish.
Unskilled78: The openness her culture has regarding sex would make her quite an expert, or so Commander Riker would state, when I've slipped a few sodium penthanol tablets in his synthehol.
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