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 Things You've Learned from Badfic

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Harley Quinn hyenaholic
Knight of the Bleach
Knight of the Bleach
Harley Quinn hyenaholic

Join date : 2009-06-12
Age : 35
Location : Taking that picture...

Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 12 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 12 EmptyTue Sep 27, 2011 11:19 am

Anything (and I mean ANYTHING) can be crossed with ANYTHING.
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https://www.fanfiction.net/~breechloader
Sunatic

Sunatic

Join date : 2010-07-04
Age : 35
Location : Jyväskylä, Finland

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 12 EmptyTue Sep 27, 2011 2:01 pm

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:
Anything (and I mean ANYTHING) can be crossed with ANYTHING.

Well... yes. Yes it can. To me, it's just a matter of putting them together with skill. I've seen some of the weirdest cross-overs work. Any specific examples of crosses that just cannot work at all?
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http://nerdywitches.net
Harley Quinn hyenaholic
Knight of the Bleach
Knight of the Bleach
Harley Quinn hyenaholic

Join date : 2009-06-12
Age : 35
Location : Taking that picture...

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 12 EmptyTue Sep 27, 2011 2:16 pm

Technically while anybody from one world can be dropped into another world and told to get back home, I can't see Lost in Space meshing well with Harry Potter.
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https://www.fanfiction.net/~breechloader
Lady Anne
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
Lady Anne

Join date : 2009-06-12
Age : 44
Location : The land of the fruits and nuts

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 12 EmptyTue Sep 27, 2011 6:42 pm

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:
Technically while anybody from one world can be dropped into another world and told to get back home, I can't see Lost in Space meshing well with Harry Potter.
Now you've cursed it into existence.
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http://www.angelfire.com/yt/anneblair/index.html
Nevvy
Sporkbender
Sporkbender


Join date : 2009-06-30

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 12 EmptyWed Sep 28, 2011 5:54 am

I'd be surprised if it doesn't already exist.
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Harley Quinn hyenaholic
Knight of the Bleach
Knight of the Bleach
Harley Quinn hyenaholic

Join date : 2009-06-12
Age : 35
Location : Taking that picture...

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 12 EmptyWed Sep 28, 2011 6:18 am

Heh. I CHALLENGE YOU!

Another thing I've noticed in an awful lot of Slash is that there's always one fully gay person, and one bisexual person who used to go with women and is just now finding out how they like guys too.

Not that that's necesserily BAD, but it can get a little samey.
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https://www.fanfiction.net/~breechloader
Petronella

Petronella

Join date : 2011-10-24
Age : 29

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 12 EmptyMon Oct 24, 2011 1:12 am

Eyes are never just described as brown, small, wide-set, etc. They're glittering sapphire orbs.

Really thin girls have F-cup breasts and don't somehow snap in half when they stand up.

Characters from other universes or worlds practice the same religions that we have.

A female canon character that the author dislikes will end up being a bitch and/or a slut, regardless of whether or not she actually is that way in the original work. This is especially true if she's romantically involved with a character that the author wants her self insert to hook up with.

Characters in a period piece will freely use modern expressions.

Readers love it when you insert an author's note after every sentence in the fanfic. They're just dying to know that you think Robert Pattinson is hot, or that you wrote this during math class, or that you based a character off of someone you know.

If two attractive men spend more than five minutes together, it means they're gay and secretly in love with each other.
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GeorgeUK
Sporkbender
Sporkbender


Join date : 2011-05-16

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 12 EmptyTue Oct 25, 2011 10:57 am

Anyone can be paired with anyone, no matter how improbable/impossible.

A male canon character that the author dislikes will end up being a psychopathic murderous rapist who will die a horrible death, regardless of his canon personality.
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Petronella

Petronella

Join date : 2011-10-24
Age : 29

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 12 EmptyTue Oct 25, 2011 1:09 pm

If two guys hate each other in canon, it means that they're actually in love with each other, but trying to hide their feelings. Each man will somehow inevitably find out that the other man is in love with him, and then there will be a tearful confession where they admit they've loved each other all along. Followed, of course, by sex.

There is no such thing as a male retractory period. Also, a couple can have non-stop sex for hours on end, without any discomfort or pain.

Men will immediately dump their long-time canon lovers to be with a Sue who they just met. Bonus points if said Sue is underage.

You can only become pregnant if you really want a baby. Otherwise, feel free to have all the unprotected sex you want, because unplanned pregnancy never happens.

Yelling random words/phrases in Japanese never gets old or tiresome. Ever. Please keep doing it.

If someone disapproves of you writing slash about an impossible couple, it's not because said couple is ridiculous, it's because they hate gay people.
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Harley Quinn hyenaholic
Knight of the Bleach
Knight of the Bleach
Harley Quinn hyenaholic

Join date : 2009-06-12
Age : 35
Location : Taking that picture...

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 12 EmptyTue Oct 25, 2011 1:43 pm

GeorgeUK wrote:

A male canon character that the author dislikes will end up being a psychopathic murderous rapist who will die a horrible death, regardless of his canon personality.

Hey, I happen to be perfectly capable of turning characters I DO like into psychopathic murderous rapists. That's what makes them so hot to my readers!
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https://www.fanfiction.net/~breechloader
Petronella

Petronella

Join date : 2011-10-24
Age : 29

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 12 EmptyTue Oct 25, 2011 4:25 pm

You don't need counseling or therapy to help you cope with being raped. You just need to sleep with your True Love and everything will be better.

If it's cute, innocent, and/or intended for children, someone has written a story about the characters all butchering each other.


Last edited by Petronella on Tue Oct 25, 2011 4:27 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : new information)
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GeorgeUK
Sporkbender
Sporkbender


Join date : 2011-05-16

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 12 EmptyTue Oct 25, 2011 4:32 pm

The only way to make something darker is with gratuitous blood, guts and gore.
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Sheba
Shitgobbling pissdrinker
Shitgobbling pissdrinker
Sheba

Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 33

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 12 EmptyTue Oct 25, 2011 4:39 pm

The only way a marriage can end is if one spouse dies. Divorce doesn't exist.
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kleine_kat
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
kleine_kat

Join date : 2009-06-11
Age : 40
Location : Lower Countries

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 12 EmptyTue Oct 25, 2011 11:33 pm

Petronella wrote:


If it's cute, innocent, and/or intended for children, someone has written a story about the characters all butchering each other.

Or having wild sex orgies. This is especially the case if one or all of the characters are toddlers.
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fapfapfap
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
fapfapfap

Join date : 2010-04-23

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 12 EmptyWed Oct 26, 2011 9:43 am

Relationships totally work all the time between men in their 30's and teenage girls. Or if the girl is in her 20's, the guy has to be either at least as old as her dad, or immortal.

Those relationships are totally and completely feasible and always result in emotional and intellectual fulfillment for both individuals, no exceptions.
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Harley Quinn hyenaholic
Knight of the Bleach
Knight of the Bleach
Harley Quinn hyenaholic

Join date : 2009-06-12
Age : 35
Location : Taking that picture...

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 12 EmptyWed Oct 26, 2011 4:36 pm

A leather jacket makes EVERYBODY redeemable.

Even when they're from the evil universe.
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https://www.fanfiction.net/~breechloader
beepchoc

beepchoc

Join date : 2010-09-04

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 12 EmptyTue Jan 24, 2012 5:54 pm

If you're young and you get pregnant everyone will either worship you and fall to your feet with plates of chocolate and macaroni cheese and you'll have the best pregnancy ever until oh no, you go into labour at 37 weeks and then everyone panics.

or.

if you're young and you get pregnant everyone suddenly turns against you. You're boyfriend will proceed to call you a cheating whore and suddenly turn into an angry ogre who hits you. You're best friends will also call you a cheating whore without hearing your side of the story and proceed to hit you. Your parents will proceed to call you a slut and promptly throw your ass out. Even strangers will call you a cheating whore. Yet there will always be the mean girl who suddenly becomes your best friend for no reason whatsoever. You will become suicidal but then once you wake up from the scissor cut across your wrists you will scream out, worried about the foetus inside you. After you've delivered said foetus, probably at 37 weeks where everyone will panic, the people who called you a cheating whore will suddenly realise their wrongdoing and become besties again.

In both cases, You're bound to find some strapping lad who you've never spoken to before who will fall madly in love with you and mod out a nice expensive nursery. He will fall to your feet and feed you macaroni and cheese while declaring his love for the foetus.

I have a problem with pregnancy fics if you can't tell. I love to read 'em but they're always so so bad that I cringe. They are more than likely written by someone who's under 20 and never been pregnant before.
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EileenK98
Recovering Fanbrat
Recovering Fanbrat
EileenK98

Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 52
Location : very, very close to Chris

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 12 EmptyTue Jan 24, 2012 6:16 pm

fapfapfap wrote:
Relationships totally work all the time between men in their 30's and teenage girls. Or if the girl is in her 20's, the guy has to be either at least as old as her dad, or immortal.

Those relationships are totally and completely feasible and always result in emotional and intellectual fulfillment for both individuals, no exceptions.

Whereas an older woman with a young guy is an EBIL cougar only after one thing!
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Rabid Badger
And This is Why I Need Medication
And This is Why I Need Medication
Rabid Badger

Join date : 2009-06-10

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 12 EmptyTue Jan 24, 2012 7:12 pm

beepchoc wrote:
If you're young and you get pregnant everyone will either worship you and fall to your feet with plates of chocolate and macaroni cheese and you'll have the best pregnancy ever until oh no, you go into labour at 37 weeks and then everyone panics.

or.

if you're young and you get pregnant everyone suddenly turns against you. You're boyfriend will proceed to call you a cheating whore and suddenly turn into an angry ogre who hits you. You're best friends will also call you a cheating whore without hearing your side of the story and proceed to hit you. Your parents will proceed to call you a slut and promptly throw your ass out. Even strangers will call you a cheating whore. Yet there will always be the mean girl who suddenly becomes your best friend for no reason whatsoever. You will become suicidal but then once you wake up from the scissor cut across your wrists you will scream out, worried about the foetus inside you. After you've delivered said foetus, probably at 37 weeks where everyone will panic, the people who called you a cheating whore will suddenly realise their wrongdoing and become besties again.

In both cases, You're bound to find some strapping lad who you've never spoken to before who will fall madly in love with you and mod out a nice expensive nursery. He will fall to your feet and feed you macaroni and cheese while declaring his love for the foetus.

I have a problem with pregnancy fics if you can't tell. I love to read 'em but they're always so so bad that I cringe. They are more than likely written by someone who's under 20 and never been pregnant before.


Also, it's quite common for girls as young as 14 and 15 to regularly give birth to quuadruplets. Either they will have no trouble at all during the pregnancy, which will last the necessary nine months (with no medical intervention) and give birth to perfectly healthy babies who all weight at least six lbs.

Conversely, they will have the pregnancy from Hell, go into labor prematurely, and loose at least half the children. But through some miracle, the remaining ones (who may weight as little as 3-4 lbs when born) will develop into healthy, normal infants, with no lasting physical problems.

You will never encounter a girl in fanfic who gives birth to a child with Cerebral Palsy or breathing problems, despite the fact that the younger the mother, the more likely the baby will be born prematurely and suffer from some sort of problem related to premature birth.
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Mouse
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
Mouse

Join date : 2011-01-22

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 12 EmptyTue Jan 24, 2012 10:31 pm

I'm too lazy to scan an entire twelve-page thread so I'll just say this: the only consequence of unprotected sex is pregnancy. This goes for both gay and straight couples. There is no such thing as AIDS or the Clap or any of those other diseases. Also said pregnancy will not result in any complications and the product of said pregnancy will be a perfect little angel who won't have colic nor will it spew from multiple orifices at once like something out of a Linda Blair movie. Also no character gets an abortion even if said character is all that stands between a takeover of the planet by the hostile demon legions of hell. Because everyone knows the life of TEH Babee is so much more important than the billions of lives that will be lost if the hostile demon legions of hell succeed in their takeover.
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Euglena
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
Euglena

Join date : 2012-01-26
Location : A petri dish

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 12 EmptyThu Jan 26, 2012 4:05 pm

Characters who are cheerful, sociable and well-adjusted in canon are secretly dark, edgy headcases on the inside.

It's perfectly fine for stepbrothers to have sex with each other.

Stealing and cryogenically freezing your unsuspecting partner's fetus is a moral alternative to abortion.

Incest is not wrong if the parties involved are robots.

Parental figures are always wrong and evil, no matter how competent/understanding/kind they are in canon.

If a new girl moves into town, she is guaranteed to become a canon character's love interest within 24 hours.
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EileenK98
Recovering Fanbrat
Recovering Fanbrat
EileenK98

Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 52
Location : very, very close to Chris

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 12 EmptyThu Jan 26, 2012 5:19 pm

Quote :
Incest is not wrong if the parties involved are robots.


I have to ask: what fandom is this?
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Euglena
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
Euglena

Join date : 2012-01-26
Location : A petri dish

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 12 EmptyThu Jan 26, 2012 5:23 pm

EileenK98 wrote:
Quote :
Incest is not wrong if the parties involved are robots.


I have to ask: what fandom is this?

Mega Man. Creepy thing is, said robots resemble pre-pubescent children.
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EileenK98
Recovering Fanbrat
Recovering Fanbrat
EileenK98

Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 52
Location : very, very close to Chris

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 12 EmptyThu Jan 26, 2012 5:32 pm

Yeah, that is creepy.
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Cactus Wren
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
Cactus Wren

Join date : 2009-08-20
Location : West of Superstition

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 12 EmptyThu Jan 26, 2012 8:08 pm

fapfapfap wrote:
Relationships totally work all the time between men in their 30's and teenage girls. Or if the girl is in her 20's, the guy has to be either at least as old as her dad, or immortal.

Those relationships are totally and completely feasible and always result in emotional and intellectual fulfillment for both individuals, no exceptions.
Sadly this is not limited to fanfic. I just finished rereading Heinlein's To Sail Beyond the Sunset, which is based entirely around the idea that if a man is anything halfway resembling a decent human being, there is nothing his daughter wants more in the world from the time she's twelve years old than to help him overcome all those tiresome old incest taboos. Failing that, she will by preference tumble into bed with any man who is at least twice her age.
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