The Wogglebug's Book of Manners.

Howdy, y’all. Y'all can call me Clyde. I’ve got a real turd here. I debated for a while whether to put it in New Releases or Original, but in the end, I decided I would put it here, because there’s nothing even remotely original about this book.

Without further Ado, I give you…..

The Wogglebug’s Guide to Manners
-or-
Do as I say, Not as I Do, by Wogglebugfucklover
-or-
Thank Fuck I’m High

I’ve had this knocking around my hard drive for a long time, so it was quite a pleasant surprise when bugfucker showed up. For the record, I can confirm the deletion of every even slightly negative review on every site. But that’s neither here nor there, so let’s dive right into it!

Be warned. Below, you will see uncensored illustrations from this tome of horrors. All quotes are extracted verbatim from the source.  Do not expand anything if ye be faint of heart or weak of stomach.

Spoiler:

This page introduces us to-OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF ART CLASSES OR SHADING OR PERSPECTIVE. Okay, I’m going to try not to rag too hard on the artwork, since I actually admire Woggie for hiring a developmentally disabled artist. At least, I hope to God that’s why the illustrations are so bad. But one thing I can’t let pass…. The canonical Wogglebug has a lengthened index finger to approximate a lecturer’s wand. Even the most apathetic reader knows this. Leaving that out really shows a lack of knowledge of the source material.

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Hello to all of you, my dear young friends!  It gives me such pleasure to see you all today!

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Oh god, now I’m going to be reading everything in Herbert’s voice. The fuck have I done to myself?

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Now as you must have noticed, I am a thoroughly educated gentlebug with the manners of such.  I learned them all by listening to and observing the wise professor and also his students in the school room I had grown up in, so to speak.

You know, most people, if told they had manners and education of a beetle, they’d be upset. Bugfucker, on the other hand, that would actually be an improvement. So, meh.

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And now as I am a teacher myself

Oh, God, JUST as the ‘pedophile teacher’ stories were dying away for a while. Low hanging fruit, much?

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I shall be honored to give you a lesson on how to have the manners I have, which are easy and fun to learn.

“Spoiler: It involves drugs. Lots of drugs. And blood.”

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So you just listen to and observe me as I go through a whole day that is typical for me in the Land of Oz.

Well, I would hope that going through a whole day is typical of your day. I mean, imagine if you typically only existed for twelve hours and disappeared to god knows where? You’d be a timelord!

Spoiler:

That might be the best rapeface ever on the Tin man, there. Also, he only has one leg.

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Every morning I wake up with the sun.

“The son of one of my neighbors, that is. We woggled half the night.”  

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Then I go out and I happen to come by a couple close friends of mine, The Scarecrow and Tin Woodman.  I smile and I say 'Good morning' to them.

“They’re Very Close friends, you know. A bit old for my tastes, but they do seem to care for each other.”
Good god, that face. And scarecrow’s expression makes me think that he just suddenly got something shoved up his ass.  Oh. So that’s where the Tiin Man’s other leg went. Ew.

Spoiler:

horrible faces aside, I do like the addition of the spiritual icon on Dorothy’s crown. and the eternity symbol is certainly an appropriate choice, as she looks old as fuck here.

Quote :

In the Emerald City courtyard I find Princess Dorothy and her charming little dog Toto.

“Dorothy had just turned fifty, as you can see. As had Toto, due to his pact with Satan all those years ago.” Seriously, that dog looks like Cthulhu fucked Chewbacca on a Ouija board.

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I notice Dorothy has a new crown and Toto has a new collar and I compliment these things of theirs.

I used to love it when Dorothy complimented my thing, but then she got old. Alas, none can stay children forever.”

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Then Dorothy sees my new Oz pendant and compliments on it, to which I reply, 'Thank you, my dear!'

“I made it from the blood of a thousand children. Don’t ask where the blood came from.”

Spoiler:

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I next find two more of my friends, Jack Pumpkinhead and the Sawhorse.  It seems the two of them are having a sort of a dispute over something.

“Well, it looked more like the Sawhorse was trying to fuck Jack in the ass. With his rear legs, apparently.”  

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Which is not really uncommon for these two.

“There is a reason Jack always walks funny.”
 

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So after I say 'Pardon me, my good friends,' I then proceed to help them resolve their conflict with each other and help them see that it is all right to disagree as long we still respect each others personal boundaries

“No means no. Unless it’s one of those gorgeous preteens over there. Speaking of which, toodle-oo!”

Spoiler:

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Next I come across two young boys who are having a severe quarrel in the middle of a game of theirs.

"They had been having the argument for fifty years if they started as young boys, judging by their faces. I began to wonder what was happening causing everything in this not-really-Oz to look so horrible. It was like we were nothing but sketches by a retard on ketamine"

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 They seem almost on the brink of doing harm to each other.

"And it was my job to do harm to minors in Oz."

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So after I come between them

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I help them to find a way to keep playing with each other

Honestly, i dont even think I could make that sound more pedophile-y if I tried. Bravo, Bugfucker, bravo.

Spoiler:

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I am approached by the Wizard of Oz who tells me about the surprise party this evening for the Frogman to celebrate the first anniversary of when he came to live with us, and he invites me to come to it.  And I happily accept saying, 'Oh, yes, of course I will.  Thank you very much!’

First, remember how I said Tinman had the best rapeface ever? The Wiz just stepped up his game. Second, Wiz, Wogglebug, Frogface confirmed for gay sexy times threesome. We need fanarts now.

Spoiler:

Quote :

I am approached by Princess Dorothy and her friends, Betsy, Trot, and Button-Bright.  They say they are going on a picnic and invite me to come along with them.  To which I delightedly reply, 'Of course, I'd love to!'

"Some days, you don't even need to give the candy. I had trained Dorothy well over the years."

Spoiler:

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Along our way, we meet Billina the yellow hen as she is leading her fuzzy yellow chicks along the road.  So we stop a moment and let them pass by us.  I tip my hat as we all wave to them.

"Billina was once fucked by a tennis racquet. That is why her chicks look like tennis balls."

Spoiler:

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Once we reach the spot for our picnic we spread out our blanket and set up our meal together.

"Rohypnol cookies for the kids, and the kids for me!"
Also, penisfinger.

 

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I then sit straight beside Dorothy.  When I want something I always ask with 'please," and then reply with 'thank you' when it is given to me

"If you don't treat the. Special, they will tell their parents."

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 I sometimes reply with 'no thank you' when they ask if I want something.

Bless her heart, Dorothy never got the hint that she's simply too old for my tastes now."

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 I also never speak with my mouth full and I also use my napkin.

"Otherwise those kid-juices stain"

Spoiler:

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After our picnic we clean up the place where we were,

See? I don't even have to try. Clearly the author secretly wants to out the Wogglebug.

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  Along the way we meet with the Cowardly Lion.  It seems he has had a hair cut, or rather a mane cut, and is feeling rather embarrassed by it because ie isn't sure if it looks good with him

At the behest of a very good friend of mine who is homosexual, I will forego the obvious gay jokes here and simply observe that the lion looks like an aging drag queen gone to seed.
I will however, point out that as a noun, ‘haircut’ is a single word. You fail so hard you fail at failing. And then fail anyway.

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We assure him he is as handsome a lion as he always is, and I add that his mane will always grow back also

"The second part, of course, caused him to realize I was lying about him still looking good.In his anger, he kills all the children. "

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He then feels better.

“His rage not fully satiated by the carnage however, the lion left this mockery of Oz and moved to a zoo in Dallas Tx, where he eventually killed the lioness who he bunked with.”

Spoiler:

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Once I am back at the Emerald City, I begin to prepare myself for the party this evening.  And who isn't always concerned with how they look and act at a party, especially when it is here in the Emerald City?  So after I have washed myself up and had my clothes neatly pressed to perfection, I head out to the Palace dining room.

See that fuckery all over his shirt? This is why someone with actual artistic sense erases their pencil sketch after they’ve inked over it; even I know that. But then again, the slow-in-the-mind illustrator doesn’t even understand three-point perspective, shading, or even basic consistency of scale, so maybe he just is that stupid.

Spoiler:

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As everyone is gathering inside and the party is beginning, I greet as many of the other guests I can who come my way and I give them my best smile, letting them know how happy I am to see them here also.

That is the most phallic finger ever. And the Tinman seems to have picked up on it, judging by the pedo-grin. That beige thing is gonna get it.

Spoiler:

Quote :

If I bump into someone by accident, or someone bumps into me, I quickly stand straight again and say, 'Oh dear, I'm so sorry, I didn't see you there a moment ago.'

That….. thing’s… face just says ‘oh god please not the buttfucking again.’ You cannot unsee it.

Spoiler:

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I meet with the Frogman, and I congratulate him on his year of happiness of living here at the Palace, and let him know also about how much his friendship will always mean to me.

God only knows where that finger’s going to end up this time. Also, that’s supposed to be the frogman? It looks like an inbred ogre. Adding that to the list of horrible things I’d rather be reading than this: Shrek fucking his own kids to create a super-retard.
I hope you all enjoy the sacrifices I’m making here.

Spoiler:

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When I feel I have to sneeze I always cover my nose and my mouth with my handkerchief.

“Froggy takes the opportunity to insert himself quite a ways up my ass.”

Spoiler:

Quote :

The Frogman's friend, Cayke the Cookie Cook, has brought with her a whole new kind of cookies.  She comes to us and invites me to try one.  And of course I reply with, 'It will be my pleasure, Miss Cayke!'  And then after I've tried one I let her know just how good they are.

"All they need is some rohypnol and they'll be perfect for my next wacky molestation adventure!"
Okay, if that’s a chick, I’m the goddamn Pope. That is a pink-haired transvestite with rapecookies.
Another one for the list: Transvestite baker uses rape-cookies to gather a harem of children.
….Actually, that’s probably where this one is going anyway. Fuck.
Also, goddamn really? ‘cookie cook’? That’s the best you could do? Avatar put more effort into ‘unobtanium’ than that. And they had 100% less pedophiles in that movie, too! Fuck me sideways with a rake, I just said something positive about Avatar’s plot. This is starting to take its toll.

Spoiler:

Quote :

Shortly afterward, dinner is served.  I sit beside the Frogman and Jack Pumpkinhead.  And I follow the same etiquette as I had at the picnic.  I sit straight, and eat politely, I never interrupt when someone else is speaking, and of course I use my napkin.

Pedowizard is watching you.

Spoiler:

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After dinner, the Wizard puts on a magic show for us all.  And as I watch I do not speak, but I do like to applaud and sometimes laugh when the time is right for it, of course.

"After all, the Wizard would take anyone who didn't applaud to the dungeon. They were never heard from again, but the Wizard always wound up with a new leather coat afterward."
For the list: Sweeney Todd in Oz. Actually, I’d read the hell out of that.

Spoiler:

Quote :

After this, everyone begins to slowly leave.  And just before I do, my friends, including Dorothy and the Frogman, come up to me to say good night and also give me hugs.

"Dorothy, despite being a bit codependent, was very good at enticing children for me, so I always make sure to keep her feeling loved."

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And yes, giving hugs are my favorite kinds of manners as they are manners for saying 'I love you'.

"Just never tell your parents about HOW I love you, right? They'd lock you up."

Spoiler:

Quote :

Well, that is all for now.  Goodbye, my young friends, and I hope you've all enjoyed hearing this lesson as much as I have enjoyed giving it!

"Because I certainly enjoyed giving it to the little children!"

So there you have it. The Sonichu comics of the new decade.



Fuck I need alcohol now. Fuck.

I’ll have something witty later. Fuck.

Goddamn my poor bleeding eyes.

Fuck.

A couple of things:

First, there's a bit of code that needs correcting. One of your [quote] lines has a / that isn't needed.

Second, a couple of the images aren't in sequence. Two of them are duplicates.

Third, this was magnificent.

Fourth, seriously, that penisfinger...does it have a mind of its own or is the artist just so incompetent to make no effort of consistency?

And five, very important, five, don't let me eat pears! I hate pears! I would read the shit out of Sweeney Todd in Oz.

Tyshalle, have I ever told you that you're made of win?

Okay. I think I took care of all the formatting crap that time. It actually came out a lot better than I thought it would, since I had to do it by hand in googledocs while I was at work. Glad you guys liked it.

I think this pretty much sums up this Woggle-bug gagfest:
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Just want to let I am NOT offended at all.

I know I am an excellent writer no matter how much you think otherwise. You just obviously know nothing about the fine art of constructing a childrens picture book, let alone one that shows how the Wogglebug is an expert for such a thing.

I don't care what you think. Just because you don't like me or him does not mean no one will.

And, just keep in mind, that any defaming thing you see against my books, movies, etc. will also be aimed towards people like my illustrator, my audiobook narrator, any voice actors associated with the movies I make.

Suffice to say, also the members of my fan club who are decent and honest people who live honest and decent lives.

I also very much think you are inflicting abuse onto the much younger crowd that the majority of my books and movies and products are aimed towards.

I know you want to think the young crowd will not like my products. But I also realize a lot of people also think movies like the Shrek series are appropriate for kids also. Their popularity has made me feel there is not much hope for the human race.

I'm just doing my part to reconcile the positive values of the cartoons and movies of my childhood.

And seriously, this picture book in question is only a small portion of the vast majority of what is to come with my franchise. A critic I lately received via an Inkspand reviewer suggested I had not presented some of the values I was trying to convey as coherent as I could. They said it might have worked better to show the Wogglebug giving specific advice to a person about a problem related with the story.

I have no doubt such a thing could work. That was how the picture book of Dora the Explorer of the same subject was. But I was just constructing it in more of the light of the Clifford the Big Red Dog version I read of the subject.

All picture books are as unique as novel length books even when they still address the same subject. Because if nothing else, they feature different varieties of characters and settings. I'd just prefer to have the conflicts drawn out between characters in my novels and keep it subtle in my picture books.

And, I was just doing what I felt was right for such a book that starred the Wogglebug. And, I know I can never do anything to make you like it at all. But I don't care about you lot. I'll still gain a lot of fans with my franchise.

And, no matter how much you hate the Wogglebug and the way I write anything, I don't care because I know at least that you can never have the emotional connection to him I do, you can never feel joy from him at all. Therefore you cannot ever write anything about him to make anyone happy on a level that is moral and valuable, and this intelligent.

But I do take joy in writing about him to make people happy, so I can and should convey that to the world. To plant the seeds of the start of a brighter future world for the children of the next generation to come. I mean, while there may not be a lot of hope, there is always some hope. So I have to make it grow.

I rest my case.

Oh, look who "graced" us with her presence. How delightful.

Avenging Atheist wrote:

Just want to let I am NOT offended at all.

I know I am an excellent writer no matter how much you think otherwise.

I wonder what your beta-readers have to say about that...

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You just obviously know nothing about the fine art of constructing a childrens picture book, let alone one that shows how the Wogglebug is an expert for such a thing.

Hey kids, show of hands who wants a picture book of an unimportant, dated character?

You in the back, put your hand down, you little lying shit.

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I don't care what you think. Just because you don't like me or him does not mean no one will.

And, just keep in mind, that any defaming thing you see against my books, movies, etc. will also be aimed towards people like my illustrator, my audiobook narrator, any voice actors associated with the movies I make.

You'd think they'd know better than to be involved in the projects of an insufferable, bug-obsessed lunatic, but then again we have Bronies(like me!), so we should give them the benefit of the doubt. Who knows how many were forced into it against their will?

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Suffice to say, also the members of my fan club who are decent and honest people who live honest and decent lives.

Thank you for that irrelevant and useless point.

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I also very much think you are inflicting abuse onto the much younger crowd that the majority of my books and movies and products are aimed towards.

I know you want to think the young crowd will not like my products.

I'm more concerned some kid's going to read it and ask, "Mommy, why does that ugly bug man have a penis for a finger?"

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But I also realize a lot of people also think movies like the Shrek series are appropriate for kids also. Their popularity has made me feel there is not much hope for the human race.

Well excuuuuuuuse me, Princess, but welcome to the latest generation.

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I'm just doing my part to reconcile the positive values of the cartoons and movies of my childhood.

So this entire crusade is driven solely by your outdated nostalgia. I guess I should still be obsessing over The Gummy Bears and Pirates of Black Water to push my own personal agenda. Who knew going backward was the way to progress forward?

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And seriously, this picture book in question is only a small portion of the vast majority of what is to come with my franchise. A critical I lately received via Inkspand suggested I had not presented some of the values I was trying to convey as coherent as I could.

The "excellent writer", everyone!

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They said it might have worked better to show the Wogglebug giving specific advice to a person about a problem related with the story.

I have no doubt such a thing could work. That was how the picture book of Dora the Explorer of the same subject was. But I was just constructing it in more of the light of the Clifford the Big Red Dog version I read of the subject.

All picture books are as unique as novel length books even when they still address the same subject.

You mean boring, antiquated methods of trying to revive a civil sense of self that have since been lost to the annals of time and evolution of traditions? Let me know when you bring back the Gladiatorial Coliseums, I've been wanting to watch some real bloodshed for a while.

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Because if nothing else, they feature different varieties of characters and settings. I'd just prefer to have the conflicts drawn out between characters in my novels and keep it subtle in my picture books.

And, I was just doing what I felt was right for such a book that starred the Wogglebug. And, I know I can never do anything to make you like it at all. But I don't care about you lot.

Then why are you still tormenting us?

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I'll still gain a lot of fans with my franchise.

"My 'fans' will give me all the ass-pats and ice cream that I need!"

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And, no matter how much you hate the Wogglebug and the way I write anything, I don't care because I know at least that you can never have the emotional connection to him I do, you can never feel joy from him at all.

Is the WoggleBug in the room with you right now? Does he touch you at night while you sleep?

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Therefore you cannot ever write anything about him to make anyone happy on a level that is moral and valuable, and this intelligent.

PFFFTT. "Intelligent". Riiiiight.

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But I do take joy in writing about him to make people happy, so I can and should convey that to the world.

But WILL you? I SHOULD be reading Catching Fire right now, and I CAN walk away from your insanity, but I choose not to. Such is the power of tense!

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To plant the seeds of the start of a brighter future world for the children of the next generation to come. I mean, while there may not a lot of hope, there is always some hope. So I have to make it grow.

I rest my case.

OBJECTION!

Your Honor, the client has made no such valid point at all in this verbal moonwalking! She has simply rambled on about nothing! I propose a reassessment of the client's psychological disposition and continue this trial another time!

Avenging Atheist wrote:

A critical I lately received via Inkspand suggested I had not presented some of the values I was trying to convey as coherent as I could.

This is not a line written by an excellent writer.

Edit: Ach! TheIan beat me to it.

Wogglebug, these long goodbyes are clearly just you sticking around because you want to get the last word in. If you really want to show us you have the potential to be a decent human being (if not a good writer), then get the fuck out and spare us the soliloquy. I mean, I would say that, if there was any chance of you being a decent human being. Just please, Woggle, break this circlejerk.

I edited my previous post to correct the typos.

And, I will now attempt to leave again. After all, I have a screenplay to reconstruct for a third draft.

I must admit, although being here for longer than I even wanted to be was stressful in some ways, I still discovered I am not the same person I was ten years by a hundred degrees.

Ten years ago I wouldn't have even dreamed about posting the posts I have back and forth with the lot of you. Because I felt if I did it would mean the end of me.

But actually now I feel actually the opposite of how I imagined I would ten years ago. I've really evolved into a new me!

Wow, props to Ian, that was said beautifully. For the most part.

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You'd think they'd know better than to be involved in the projects of an insufferable, bug-obsessed lunatic, but then again we have Bronies(like me!), so we should give them the benefit of the doubt. Who knows how many were forced into it against their will?

>.> Please don't link bronies in with this fuckery. Most of us are fairly normal. It's not like every sonic fan is CWC or every Oz fan is wogglebugfucker.


Also, for someone who is leaving, you're certainly spending a lot of time trying to harass me over PM, bugfuck. Although they are pretty amusing. I don't know the rules on posting PMs, or I'd add them to the snark. Anybody know the ruling on that? I will say that she refers to her crusade as 'The Great Work,' caps hers, much the same way as a certain political party. Perhaps that is why she hates Inglorious Basterds, since they do kill her role model of the perfect atheist quite definitively on screen.

I would also note that we have all technically read your 'story', now. Remind me, wasn't your only complaint about those reviews that people hadn't read them? Uh oh.

@ TheIan: Can you be less of a fuck about Bronies, Ian? There is absolutely no reason to throw it under the bus like that, unless you think being a fan-hater is "cool". I'm sorry, I shouldn't say that.

@Tyshalle: You're getting secret PMs from Cynthia Hansen and aren't telling us? If you don't post all of those PMs with added snarks right now you will have to have a time out.

ViewSonic wrote:

@ TheIan: Can you be less of a fuck about Bronies, Ian? There is absolutely no reason to throw it under the bus like that, unless you think being a fan-hater is "cool". I'm sorry, I shouldn't say that.

@Tyshalle: You're getting secret PMs from Cynthia Hansen and aren't telling us? If you don't post all of those PMs with added snarks right now you will have to have a time out.

Right now is a bit no-can-do, sorry. Tried writing snark from the iPad from work once, and you saw how horribifuckus it came out. Had to edit the OP like 4 times to fix the gorramn formatting.
Soon as I get home, swear.

Tyshalle wrote:

Wow, props to Ian, that was said beautifully. For the most part.

Quote :

You'd think they'd know better than to be involved in the projects of an insufferable, bug-obsessed lunatic, but then again we have Bronies(like me!), so we should give them the benefit of the doubt. Who knows how many were forced into it against their will?

>.> Please don't link bronies in with this fuckery. Most of us are fairly normal. It's not like every sonic fan is CWC or every Oz fan is wogglebugfucker.

I meant that in the context that there are some Bronies who go out of their way to be intentionally ruinous to the name, not those who promote a positive aspect of the fandom. Sorry, Tyshalle. I happen to be one myself, and I was kind of trying to go for a point I guess was lost in the context.

ViewSonic wrote:

@ TheIan: Can you be less of a fuck about Bronies, Ian? There is absolutely no reason to throw it under the bus like that, unless you think being a fan-hater is "cool". I'm sorry, I shouldn't say that.

I honestly didn't mean any offense, ViewSonic. I'm myself a Brony, in fact, but I hate those fans who are more perverts than anything else and degrade the meaning of being a Brony.

Oh! But I do!

Avenging Atheist wrote:

Oh! But I do!

Oh, so you DID read the CWCki. I knew you'd see yourself in Chris-Chan. Have you started work on your comics about the electric-Wogglebug Pokemon DO NOT STEAL yet?

ZAP TO THE EXTREME!!!!

You know, I was at the movies once, and they showed a preview of a cartoon that was very much like this book. The teenager behind me loudly said, "This is what they have our children watching now?!"

I have seen a dozen preview cartoons before movies that have garnered the SAME reaction from me, I'll have you know! And, MY book is NOT like those at all! Seriously, you have to watch my short movie adaption of my book before judging on such merits!

My movie adaption I did myself of my own book has received such comments as follows:

"There are a lot of people on the internet who could benefit a lot from the Wogglebug's social aptitude." Don't I know it!

"This seems rather like the old Disney cartoons teaching of how to do a specific thing, but only with more sophisticated lessons involved." (this was from a brilliant writer of fanfic and an upcoming book series of her own)

Just so you know, I've temporarily put a "private lock" on the movie. I need to guard myself for a while. But ONLY for a while!

We don't care.