| | legolas by laura |  |
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+30grmblfjx Cunovendus Happenstance EileenK98 Braigwen bananadude CaptainMcNeil Sparrow Rabid Badger Wolf BadficReadings Kevin M Ezri Dax Nevvy Reidmar Exodia's Right Leg Blooferlady Miss Misery Zeiss Manifold Kitbug chelonianmobile Waffles Electron Blue Dr. Professor Science lovedless Chris91 theweirdkind Chalchihuitlicue Miraba merryb87 34 posters |
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Exodia's Right Leg
Shitgobbling pissdrinker
Join date : 2009-08-04
Age : 38
Location : Niggertown, HUAHUEHUAland
| | Subject: Re: legolas by laura Tue Jan 26, 2010 2:57 pm | |
| - Chris91 wrote:
- Exodia's Right Leg wrote:
- "Mean while the Orcs was back at Mondor" is my personal pick. Actually, it should be my WGW signature, if I weren't so lazy.
Hey, if you don't want it I'll take it.  Sorry, I was gonna put it there right away if my internet didn't decide to go kaputz on me. | |
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Chris91
Knight of the Bleach
Join date : 2009-06-13
Age : 57
Location : Salem, Mass., USA
| | Subject: Re: legolas by laura Tue Jan 26, 2010 6:42 pm | |
| In that case, never mind.  | |
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Ezri Dax
Sporkbender
Join date : 2010-02-02
Location : Stuck in a timewarp.
| | Subject: Re: legolas by laura Tue Feb 02, 2010 4:06 pm | |
| Thanks for the links to the sugar-high epic reading, the memories are priceless. | |
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Kevin M
Sporkbender
Join date : 2009-09-10
Age : 38
Location : The greatest city on Earth.
| | Subject: Re: legolas by laura Fri Feb 12, 2010 9:18 pm | |
| I remember hearing the story read on an old YTMND link a while back. Probably the funniest way you could waste your time. | |
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BadficReadings
Join date : 2010-05-18
Age : 42
Location : The Neutral Zone
| | Subject: Re: legolas by laura Tue Jun 01, 2010 3:21 am | |
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Wolf
Join date : 2009-08-25
Age : 43
| | Subject: Re: legolas by laura Wed Dec 29, 2010 8:24 pm | |
| Guess what's just been re-posted on FFN? legolas by laura - Quote :
- Copypastre notse: I am so angre they took this down from here, IT DOESN'T BREAK RULES! so why took it down? This fic MUST be in this site, happy reading.
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Rabid Badger
And This is Why I Need Medication
Join date : 2009-06-10
| | Subject: Re: legolas by laura Wed Dec 29, 2010 8:50 pm | |
| - Wolf wrote:
- Guess what's just been re-posted on FFN?
legolas by laura
- Quote :
- Copypastre notse: I am so angre they took this down from here, IT DOESN'T BREAK RULES! so why took it down? This fic MUST be in this site, happy reading.
It has 14 reviews-all of them negative. For starters, she puts it as being complete, but it just cuts off in the middle of a sentence. This is only ONE of the myriad things the reviewers complain about. Many suggest the reason it was originally taken down was because she knows nothing about correct spelling and punctuation, characterization, and basically couldn't write her way out of a wet paper bag in a septic tank. No answer from her so far, but when she does, I expect it to be an epic flounce. Unless it's a troll. | |
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Sparrow
Sporkbender
Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 39
Location : West Peoria, IL
| | Subject: Re: legolas by laura Wed Dec 29, 2010 9:19 pm | |
| - Rabid Badger wrote:
No answer from her so far, but when she does, I expect it to be an epic flounce.
Unless it's a troll. - Quote :
- I am uploading my friend's fic they pulled out of this site originally, thats unfire. This story is copyrighted by Laura.
I want to say troll and not laura herself, if only because the poor writing in the other fics doesn't quite seem like the type found in "legolas." But I admit, this is the only fic of laura's that I can really remember reading. I'm also going by that username - "DeliciousNutriciousLemon." It just sounds suspicious. | |
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CaptainMcNeil
Sporkbender
Join date : 2010-08-09
Location : The Motherland
| | Subject: Re: legolas by laura Thu Dec 30, 2010 7:17 pm | |
| I call a troll, but it's fun to see anyway. I 'reviewed' it. | |
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Chris91
Knight of the Bleach
Join date : 2009-06-13
Age : 57
Location : Salem, Mass., USA
| | Subject: Re: legolas by laura Fri Dec 31, 2010 9:54 am | |
| - Sparrow wrote:
- Rabid Badger wrote:
No answer from her so far, but when she does, I expect it to be an epic flounce.
Unless it's a troll.
- Quote :
- I am uploading my friend's fic they pulled out of this site originally, thats unfire. This story is copyrighted by Laura.
I want to say troll and not laura herself, if only because the poor writing in the other fics doesn't quite seem like the type found in "legolas." But I admit, this is the only fic of laura's that I can really remember reading.
I'm also going by that username - "DeliciousNutriciousLemon." It just sounds suspicious. Everything about this story is suspicious-- especially the quality of its prose.  | |
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bananadude
Join date : 2011-01-29
| | Subject: Re: legolas by laura Sat Jan 29, 2011 9:36 pm | |
| https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMbjK1m6alg  | |
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Braigwen
Why yes, I am a Rocket Scientist!
Join date : 2009-06-14
Age : 44
Location : Punching Udina.
| | Subject: Re: legolas by laura Sat Jan 29, 2011 11:39 pm | |
| - bananadude wrote:
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMbjK1m6alg
I lost so hard I fell out of my chair and woke up the whole house. But it was totally worth it! | |
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EileenK98
Recovering Fanbrat
Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 56
Location : very, very close to Chris
| | Subject: Re: legolas by laura Mon Jan 31, 2011 7:29 am | |
| Oh my God, that was hilarious!
Whatever happened to Laura (the author), by the way? Is she still out there, somewhere? Please tell me she's not still writing! | |
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Happenstance
Sporkbender
Join date : 2009-11-27
Location : 221B
| | Subject: Re: legolas by laura Wed Feb 02, 2011 3:23 am | |
| Oh man, I lol'd so hard at that video. I shall be watching that from now on when I want instant lulz. :D | |
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Cunovendus
Sporkbender
Join date : 2011-01-11
| | Subject: Re: legolas by laura Thu Mar 31, 2011 4:28 am | |
| I couldn't resist it...here is a script for a film adaptation! (I put it in spoilers due to the ridiculous size of the otehrwise resulting post) - Spoiler:
"LEGOLAS BY LAURA: THE MOVIE"
FADE IN:
EXT. A FOREST - DAY
Camera pans across the woods, which are bland and lifeless.
Eventually, it tracks LEGOLAS who is riding along. He shows
no emotion or purpose, he is just simply riding along.
After a few beats, he stops. The camera shows that he's
spotted a baby lying there.
LEGOLAS
My god, it's a baby whaped in
colth.
LEGOLAS dismounts and approaches the baby.
LEGOLAS (CONT'D)
Who left you here little one?
The baby begins to cry. LEGOLAS picks the baby up and holds
it. The baby stops crying instantaneously.
LEGOLAS (CONT'D)
Your name is going to be Laura.
LEGOLAS re-mounts his horse, while holding the baby. The
camerawork should be such that it is not quite clear how
this is achieved. Having mounted the horse, LEGOLAS rides
off.
CUT TO:
EXT. A CASTLE - DAY
LEGOLAS rides towards the castle. This castle is completely
out of place here. As he is riding inside, the camera tracks
a sign post saying "Milkwood (a few hours from Mondor)".
CUT TO:
INT. THE CASTLE'S GREAT HALL - DAY
FATHER and MOTHER are present. They are sitting on their
thrones doing absolutely nothing. LEGOLAS, now dismounted,
enters with the baby after a few beats.
LEGOLAS
Father mother I found this little
baby in the woods.
MOTHER rises and steps off the throne, towards LEGOLAS
MOTHER
How can people put baby in the
woods and to die?
FATHER
We are going to keep her.
LEGOLAS looks happy.
MOTHER
Why are you happy?
LEGOLAS
I don't know, I just am for some
rising.
FADE TO:
INT. LAURA'S ROOM - DAY
LAURA is waking up. She is now a girl aged about 10.
LEGOLAS enters after a short while.
Caption: "Ten Years Later".
LEGOLAS
Good morning.
LAURA
Good morning too.
LEGOLAS
What's a matter?
LAURA
Legolas I want to know how to
ride a horse.
LEGOLAS
Okay. First you get dresses and
have something to eat and then we
will go for a horse ride lesson.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE CASTLE EXTERIOR - DAY.
STRIDER and GANDALF are both on horses, riding towards the
castle. They both stop as they enter the camera shot. Close
up of them both.
STRIDER
Gandalf I did not know Legolas
had a sister.
GANDALF
I did not know as well.
CUT TO:
EXT. PANNING SHOT OF BARAD DUR FORTRESS - DAY
As the camera pans around, a sign can be seen saying
"Mondor: Home of the Dark lord."
CUT TO:
INT. THE DARK LORD'S THRONE ROOM - DAY.
DARK LORD is looking at a plan - the plan is shown to read
"Plan to kidnap the Princess (but not Legolas)". As he
examines the plan, ORC BOSS enters the room.
ORC BOSS
I'll get her for you sir.
DARK LORD
Yes you can.
CUT TO:
EXT. ANOTHER PART OF THE FOREST - DAY.
LEGOLAS and LAURA are both astride a horse. LEGOLAS is
giving silent instruction. LAURA looks off to the side as
if she noticed something.
LAURA
Legolas who's that?
LEGOLAS looks to the side. Camera pans briefly to show
GANDALF and STRIDER, then pans back. LEGOLAS turns back to
address LAURA.
LEGOLAS
That is Gandalf and Strdier.
STRIDER and GANDALF have now entered the shot.
STRIDER
Legolas.
LEGOLAS
Strider long time seen.
STRIDER
How's you?
LEGOLAS
I am fine.
GANDALF
Who's this then?
LEGOLAS
Meet Laura I found her in the
woods when she was just a baby.
LAURA looks away shyly.
LEGOLAS (CONT'D)
Laura come and meet Strider and
Gandalf.
LAURA
Hello I am Laura.
LEGOLAS
She is the Princess.
STRIDER
She is so cute.
LEGOLAS
That will be my fault.
GANDALF
Why?
LAURA
He protects me that's why.
LEGOLAS suddenly looks up into the air.
LEGOLAS
I think we should go back to the
castle.
LAURA
I can feel it too.
They all ride out of shot.
CUT TO:
INT. THE CASTLE'S GREAT HALL
LEGOLAS, LAURA, STRIDER and GANDALF enter the shot.
LEGOLAS
Do you want to stay for a night?
GANDALF AND STRIDER
(in unison)
Yes please.
LEGOLAS
Come then, let's have tea.
They make their way to a large table, where tea is laid
out.
CUT TO:
INT. LAURA'S BEDCHAMBER - NIGHT
LAURA is tucking herself into bed. LEGOLAS is speaking to a
few GARDS
LEGOLAS
Gards, will you please keep an
eye on Laura's room?
GARD1
Of course Legolas.
LEGOLAS leaves. The GARDS stand vigil.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE WALLS OF THE CASTLE - NIGHT
Several ORCS are seen climbing up the walls. No one spots
them and no attempt is made to hinder them. They reach a
window and climb inside.
CUT TO:
INT. LAURA'S BEDCHAMBER - NIGHT
Enter the ORCS; one of them grabs LAURA. LAURA screams.
GARDS enter.
GARD2
Oh my! Lots of orcs!
The GARDS then stand there doing nothing, while the ORCS
take LAURA away and leave via the window.
As they leave, LEGOLAS bursts into the room.
LEGOLAS
Where is Laura?
GARD1 & GARD2
(in unison)
The orcs took her.
CUT TO:
INT. THE DARK LORD'S THRONE ROOM - NIGHT
LAURA and ORCS are there.
LAURA
Put me down.
The ORCS do so. Camera pans to a fire which has just
appeared, and DARK LORD steps out of it after a few beats.
DARK LORD
Welcome Laura.
LAURA
No it can't be!
LAURA tries to run but ORCS grab her.
DARK LORD
Put her into the cell and bet her
and also do whatever you want
with her but do not kill her.
ORCS drag LAURA out of shot.
CUT TO:
INT. LAURA'S CELL - NIGHT
After a few beats the door is opened.
ORC BOSS
Trow her inside!
LAURA is thrown inside and the door is shut. LAURA gets up
and looks out of the window.
LAURA
Oh, I wish Legolas or someone
would save me.
CUT TO:
EXT. ANOTHER PART OF THE FOREST - NIGHT
LEGOLAS is standing before STRIDER and GANDALF. A sign can
be seen saying "Milkwood - a few hours from Mondor".
LEGOLAS
Is the army ready?
Camera shows that the 'army' consists of STRIDER and
GANDALF, who nod.
LEGOLAS (CONT'D)
Right, let's go and save Laura.
They leave.
CUT TO:
INT. LAURA'S CELL - NIGHT
LAURA is sitting on the ground, doing nothing. After a few
beats, the door opens. Several ORCS enter with ORC BOSS.
They shackle her to the wall.
ORC BOSS
Stripe her!
The ORCS strip LAURA, and ORC BOSS rapes her (the
camerawork must somehow prevent this from being too
explicit)
LAURA
Go away you bastard!
Another ORC enters with a whip. He takes out a tissue and
wipes LAURA roughly, then begins to whip her. Then the rest
of the ORCS lay into her. Cries of "Four to one!" and "I'll
take those odds!" Can be heard. Eventually, DARK LORD
enters with a big tube.
LAURA (CONT'D)
What's that?
DARK LORD
Posion.
LAURA
No! Please don't injet into me!
DARK LORD approaches with the tube.
FADE TO:
EXT. THE ROAD TO 'MONDOR' - NIGHT
LEGOLAS, GANDALF and STRIDER are marching - the sound of a
full army can be heard in the background, even though they
are the only ones present. There is a sign reading "Mondor -
this way (a few hours east of Milkwood and Rivendell)"
Caption: "Few Hours Later".
CUT TO:
INT. LAURA'S CELL - NIGHT
LAURA wakes up. She is now bloodied. The ORCS have gone.
LAURA
I feel so cold. I can't see very
well. I only can move my right
arm but not my left. Why would
they bet me like this, and at
such poor odds?
CUT TO:
EXT. THE GATES OF MORDOR - NIGHT
As before, a sign can be seen saying "Mondor - home of the
Dark lord" and pointing to the gates (which are flimsy
wrought iron gates). The 'army' arrives.
DARK LORD enters and stands on the battlements.
LEGOLAS & STRIDER & GANDALF
(in unison)
Let Laura go!
DARK LORD
No.
LEGOLAS
Right lisson. I will clim up to
the cell and get Laura and you
and the others will find another
way in.
Again, camera shows that the "others" consists of two
people.
STRIDER
Alright.
Camera also shows that the DARK LORD is standing on the
battlements watching all of this. LEGOLAS starts scaling the
walls. GANDALF and STRIDER simply run through the gate and
head towards Barad Dur.
GANDALF
I'll will go and kill the Dark
lord and you and the others go
and help Legolas.
STRIDER
Be careful
GANDALF
I will don't you worry about me.
CUT TO:
INT. LAURA'S CELL - NIGHT
LEGOLAS' voice can be heard from outside.
LEGOLAS
(from outside)
Laura are you in there?
LAURA
Oh Legolas you finally came.
LEGOLAS
(from outside)
Are you alright?
LAURA
No I am not alright.
LEGOLAS
They bet you up and raped you
also the Dark lord gave you
posion.
LAURA
How did you know that?
Cut to close up of LEGOLAS
LEGOLAS
When I was your age they did the
same thing to me.
LAURA
Can you get me out of here?
LEGOLAS
Okay stand back.
CUT TO:
INT. THE CORRIDOR OUTSIDE THE CELL - NIGHT
LEGOLAS takes a few steps back, then runs at the door. Even
though he doesn't actually barge it, it still falls as soon
as he reaches it.
CUT TO:
INT. LAURA'S CELL - NIGHT
LAURA and LEGOLAS are now both inside
LAURA
Wow.
LEGOLAS looks at LAURA. He notices that she is bloody,
scarred and naked.
LEGOLAS
Why they did it to you not me?
ORC BOSS
(off camera)
Because she got a power and she
can distoy us all the bad guys.
CUT TO:
INT. THE CORRIDOR OUTSIDE THE CELL - NIGHT
LEGOLAS is now standing outside the cell, with many ORCS
and ORC BOSS on the other side. They stand off for a few
moments.
Caption: "The Fright Begins!"
LEGOLAS produces a bow, seemingly from nowhere, and starts
to shoot arrows. It is not clear if any of them actually
hit, or indeed what the reaction of the ORCS, if any, is.
LEGOLAS looks into the distance suddenly. Camera shows his
point of view - a few swords are being waved about (no
combat is actually taking place at this time).
LEGOLAS
Strider is that you?
Camera now reveals that it was STRIDER who was waving the
swords around.
STRIDER
Yes it is.
Only now does combat actually begin; LEGOLAS and STRIDER
begin killing the ORCS. They do not fight back. In fact
they don't respond at all, and simply allow themselves to
be cut down.
CUT TO:
INT. ANOTHER PART OF THE FORTRESS - NIGHT
GANDALF and DARK LORD are duelling. It has been going on
for some time.
GANDALF
I wish Frodo and Merry and Pippen
and Sam was here.
Suddenly a sword can be seen appearing in mid air. It seems
to have a voice, for it then speaks.
SWORD
Some wished us here.
GANDALF turns to the side, to see FRODO, MERRY, PIPPIN and
SAM, who have appeared seemingly out of nowhere. FRODO is
now holding the sword that spoke. The DARK LORD does
nothing while this is taking place.
GANDALF
Frodo Baggins why you doing here?
FRODO
We came to help you and also we
got rid of the ring.
DARK LORD
Oh no!
GANDALF
Prepare to be distoryed!
GANDALF then uses a magical power to smite the DARK LORD,
who is utterly destroyed.
CUT TO:
INT. LAURA'S CELL - NIGHT
LEGOLAS, STRIDER and GANDALF enter the cell.
STRIDER takes his cloak off and puts it around LAURA, and
they exit the room.
CUT TO:
EXT. ANOTHER PART OF THE FOREST - DAY
LEGOLAS, GANDALF, STRIDER and LAURA are travelling on
horseback.
They pass a sign saying "Mondor - a few hours away"
pointing in the direction they've just come; "Milkwood - a
few hours away" pointing in the direction they are heading;
and "Rivendell - a few hours away" pointing in a different
direction.
Caption: "Few hours later"
LEGOLAS
We must go to Rivendell to get
Laura better.
GANDALF
I think you are right.
The group then turns and heads in the direction indicated
by the sign, towards Rivendell.
As they are travelling, LEGOLAS puts his hand on LAURA's
head.
LEGOLAS
She's bruning up.
STRIDER brings his horse alongside LEGOLAS'
STRIDER
She is getting wose.
LEGOLAS
I know.
FADE TO:
EXT. RIVENDELL EXTERIOR - NIGHT.
Caption: "Few hours later".
The party is seen entering the city.
PAN TO:
INT. A BEDROOM IN RIVENDELL
LAURA lies in bed while LEGOLAS sits by her side.
LEGOLAS
I will stay by your side intill
you wake up.
Fade out and in several times to indicate passage of time.
Eventually LAURA opens her eyes. LEGOLAS kisses her lips,
and she puts her arms around him.
LEGOLAS (CONT'D)
All you alright?
LAURA
Yes I am.
LEGOLAS
I am soooooo happy.
LAURA
Do you want to be my boyfriend?
LEGOLAS
Yes I will be your boyfriend.
They kiss again.
LAURA
What happened to me Legolas?
LEGOLAS
You got kidnaped by the Orcs and
they raped you and also bet you
almost to death and then the Dark
lord gave you some posion.
LAURA
Why I can only move on arm?
LEGOLAS
Your left arm is broken.
The door to the room opens. Enter STRIDER and GANDALF.
LAURA
Hello Strider.
STRIDER
I see you are awake.
LAURA begins to say something but is cut short as the
picture freezes.
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END
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EileenK98
Recovering Fanbrat
Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 56
Location : very, very close to Chris
| | Subject: Re: legolas by laura Thu Mar 31, 2011 3:53 pm | |
| Brilliant! I love the part when the guards just stand there and watch the Orcs take Laura. It so perfectly points out the bad action scenes. | |
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grmblfjx
Hot and Botherer
Join date : 2009-06-10
| | Subject: Re: legolas by laura Thu Mar 31, 2011 5:01 pm | |
| Aw man, I want to film that now. :/ | |
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rae
Contributor
Join date : 2009-06-10
Location : computer chair
| | Subject: Re: legolas by laura Thu Mar 31, 2011 10:50 pm | |
| If ever we have a convention, we must film this. | |
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grmblfjx
Hot and Botherer
Join date : 2009-06-10
| | Subject: Re: legolas by laura Fri Apr 01, 2011 12:08 pm | |
| We need to have this convention in ol' Europe, where you just wander up to the next best hilltop if you need a castle in the background. Seriously, I can think of a whole handful within driving distance. One is even medievally furnished. | |
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Chris91
Knight of the Bleach
Join date : 2009-06-13
Age : 57
Location : Salem, Mass., USA
| | Subject: Re: legolas by laura Sat Apr 02, 2011 8:19 am | |
| - EileenK98 wrote:
- Brilliant! I love the part when the guards just stand there and watch the Orcs take Laura. It so perfectly points out the bad action scenes.
Laura couldn't write a grocery list, let alone a decent movie script. | |
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Cunovendus
Sporkbender
Join date : 2011-01-11
| | Subject: Re: legolas by laura Thu Apr 07, 2011 4:08 pm | |
| - grmblfjx wrote:
- ...One is even medievally furnished.
Furnished? Laura doesn't describe any furnishings in the story, so there is no furnishing. All the sets are to be completely bland, and devoid of any background. The only furnishings that are specifically referred to in the story are Laura's bed and the thrones on which Legolas' parents sit. | |
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grmblfjx
Hot and Botherer
Join date : 2009-06-10
| | Subject: Re: legolas by laura Fri Apr 08, 2011 8:03 am | |
| Well, if you take that logic too far, most movies would be pretty barren. But I get your point- one of the other two dozen in driving distance it is, then.  | |
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Cunovendus
Sporkbender
Join date : 2011-01-11
| | Subject: Re: legolas by laura Sat Apr 09, 2011 2:55 pm | |
| Aw, I've just discovered a whole host of spelling mistakes that I somehow managed to overlook, and now I can't modify the post! Oh well. | |
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Cunovendus
Sporkbender
Join date : 2011-01-11
| | Subject: Re: legolas by laura Mon Apr 16, 2012 8:36 am | |
| https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IECKGp-tLb0
:D | |
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Euglena
Sporkbender
Join date : 2012-01-26
Location : A petri dish
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