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 Hadrian Abhorsen

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Join date : 2010-05-20

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PostSubject: Hadrian Abhorsen   Hadrian Abhorsen EmptyMon Jul 15, 2013 5:05 pm

Well, I hadn’t wanted to pull out yet another Potterfic, but I think this one deserves it. It’s technically only half Potter, anyway, and the perpetrator, one Sakurademonalchemist (from now on, SDA), mostly uses Potterverse stuff to make the other half look better. What is the other half, you ask? Garth Nix’s Old Kingdom trilogy, particularly book one, Sabriel.

That in and of itself isn’t a problem; the Old Kingdom books are pretty awesome, with a cool magic system, interesting world, and an awesome female hero (Sabriel herself) to root for. Thematically, they also parallel the Potter books pretty well, particularly in their ideas about death and immortality. Theoretically, a crossover between them could be all kinds of awesome. This… is not that story. This is essentially a bog-standard Super!Harry story with Old Kingdom stuff thrown in to make Harry (‘scuse me, Hadrian) look awesome, while displaying little understanding of how either canon works unless it can be put to the service of the power fantasy. It honestly reminds me (particularly in terms of the overpowered, jerkass protagonist and use of another canon to put down the Potterverse) of Kieran Halcyon (as in, the… being… who gave the world such gems as Rose Potter, Sanctuary of Arda, and Harry Potter and the Forgotten Realms, all of which have been sporked here or elsewhere), except with less nudity.

Luckily, SDA abandoned it after two chapters (though they are pretty long chapters). Thank the Charter for small mercies. The fic is “Hadrian Abhorsen”, and it may be found in its original, er, glory here: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

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How would one describe Harry Potter?

The main character of a world-famous series of YA books? An everyman hero who real-world groups have used as an allegory for (or against) just about everything? The all-too-frequent victim of badfic writers the world over?

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Would they say he was a timid first year with poorly hidden scars?

In his first year, maybe (but seriously, “timid” and “Harry Potter” aren’t usually words I think of as going together). If you described him that way later on, I’d have to wonder what books you were reading.

Who on earth is talking, here, anyway? I’m not even sure if it’s supposed to be in or out of universe! This is pretty basic writing stuff, SDA!

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His glasses held up by massive amounts of tape, showing clear emerald eyes and a mysterious lightning shaped scar under his raven black hair? Unsure of how to fit into a world he had been thrust into after living ten years under a cupboard under the stairs?

Sheesh, you even manage to make his canon description sound mildly stu-ish.

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You're looking at the wrong child if that's who you believe he is.

Harry had actually been knocked out, tied up, hidden in a broom cupboard, and replaced by a Polyjuiced, overpowered Gary Stu. When he came to, he knew immediately what had happened, as it was the third time in the past week.

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Harry is a confident, and right now, very annoyed boy with a respectable five feet on him. He doesn't wear any corrective gear for his eyes, which are a clear emerald with blue tints. His scars from many from years of fighting are displayed proudly. His black hair is long and held back by a blue ribbon, with blue highlights he just put in last week. He also has a bandolier across his chest with seven bells of different sizes. In his pocket is a hidebound book which only he can read.

… and canon is now officially dead. Seriously, what is with this fandom and giving Harry ridiculous makeovers and powers at the expense of any and all likeable traits?

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And he has never lived inside a cupboard under the stairs.

He also doesn't want to be here at all, nor would he if the headmaster hadn't forced him to come. So here he was with children many years his junior, and fully prepared to hit the headmaster with any hex he can get past. He had a job to do back home, and this school for magic was pointless to someone who has been using magic for over twenty years.

You read that right. Harry is in actuality twenty. And his last name isn't Potter.

The time-twisting elements of this thing make my head hurt, they really do. And they serve no purpose other than to make sure Harry-stu here is already better than everyone.

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Harry is known as Hadrian Abhorsen, son of Lily Abhorsen and natural enemy of the dead.

All right, all right, hold it! *Nerd hat on* “Abhorsen” is the name of a particular magical bloodline (and of the office that bloodline has the power to execute, which is that of keeping the Dead well, dead, and stop them from troubling the living). But it’s not a surname. So far as I can recall, nobody in the Old Kingdom uses surnames. The closest is when a soldier early in the first book calls Sabriel “Miss Abhorsen”, which was probably just politeness (and is never used again). She’s never called “Sabriel Abhorsen”, and no other member of her bloodline uses Abhorsen like a surname. *Nerd had off*
Oh, and let’s look at some Abhorsen names, shall we? Sabriel, Lirael, Terciel, Clariel… and Hadrian. Which of these is not like the others?

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Oh? You thought Lily was Petunia's sister? Let's compare the two.

Lily is a bright girl with dark red hair, bright green eyes and five foot six before she died. Petunia is a horse faced girl with straw blond hair and squinted blue eyes which she uses to spy on her neighbors. Petunia is only five foot three.

And this proves nothing for SDA’s attempted point. Certain traits follow the Old Kingdom’s magical bloodlines. Abhorsens have abnormally pale skin, jet black hair, and dark eyes. Lily has red hair, green eyes, and is never noted to be particularly pale. In short, Lily has none of the bloodline’s hallmark traits. Nice one, SDA. If you have to say Harry has Abhorsen ancestry, it makes a hell of a lot more sense if it comes from James.

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Do you still believe they are even remotely related to each other? Lily was adopted at age six, and she knew it.

Considering we never get a description of Mr. or Mrs. Evans, I don’t have much trouble believing it. For all we know, one parent looks just like Lily, and the other looks like Petunia.

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Where has Harry been for nineteen years? And why is he even in Hogwarts? Let's go back to the day Voldemort came and killed his parents, shall we?
"Lily! Take Harry and run!"



Lily cried as her husband died. She knew why he had come, and she would never allow him to do it. She took out a vial she had intended to keep sealed, and opened it.

Gah! The importance of Lily’s sacrificial love flies over the head of another badfic writer. You know who else put no store by love either, and assumed it had to be some rare and powerful magic that saved Harry’s life? Tom Riddle.

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Tracing the mark on her son's head, she watched as it glowed briefly before vanishing. She lightly touched where the mark had been, and felt the comforting feel of something she had escaped years ago.

Lily was a Charter Mage, but more than that she was an Abhorsen, born to lay the dead to rest and make sure they went past the last gate. Her bells had been left in a bag, securely fastened. She had never touched them in all the time she had been in this land. She took the bells in hand, and prepared to face the insane man intent on killing her son.

Wait, wait, wait. Charter magic isn’t just something you do- it’s a skill that takes years and years to learn (this is something the two canons have in common). If Lily was adopted at age six and hasn’t used Charter magic since, the odds of her being able to do anything at all impressive are pretty much nil. Not to mention the fact that the Abhorsens don’t just hand out their magical bells willy-nilly- Sabriel didn’t get her own set until her father was captured and he magically sent her his. No one in their right mind would give a set of some of the most powerful magical artifacts- artifacts designed to raise, control or banish the dead- in their world to a six-year-old who doesn’t understand and can’t control them. That’s pretty much a recipe for a zombie apocalypse, right there.

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"No! Not Harry!"

"Stand aside foolish girl!"

She stood defiantly in front of Voldemort, and he cast the spell which all wizards feared. The killing curse threw her soul out of her body and into...the second gate!

*Nerd hat on* The afterlife in the Old Kingdom is simply called Death, and is an infinite, cold river that passes through several “gates” before leaving the world entirely (the ninth gate is the last gate, and the final, irreversible death). It’s possible, if you’re a trained necromancer, to enter Death and come out again unscathed, but that only works if you enter willingly while your body is still alive. If you’re forced into Death by being killed- well, you can force your way out so long as you haven’t passed the Ninth Gate, but that does pretty bad things to you. Going by the rules of the ‘verse, Harry should still be fine (Sabriel was nearly stillborn and her father pulled her out- infants seem to be pretty resilient, and she hadn’t passed the first gate), but Lily? Say hello to the undead monster formerly known as Lily Evans Potter, people!

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Seeing her son in the first, she used the almost forgotten spell that would allow her to pass the second gate unhindered. What worried her was that she never saw Voldemort go past, as she knew the Charter Magic would have sent him along with Harry. It never reacted well with wizard magic. In fact, in all her years as a witch she had noticed that it was no where near as powerful as Charter or even free magic.

But of course, all reality must bend for our Stu and his mother. And who says Charter magic is stronger than wizard magic, anyway? Off the top of my head, I can recall very little that a Charter mage ever does that a Potterverse wizard couldn’t replicate, and Potterverse magic is a lot more reliable than any of the Old Kingdom’s magics. Charter magic doesn’t need a wand, but that’s about it. Conclusion- SDA has Sueified the entire Old Kingdom canon.

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She scooped up her son, still fresh with life, and crossed the boundary back into the living.

She gasped, and picked up her son, who was now crying, Charter Mark glowing. He had a new scar on his forehead, which is probably why he was upset. She knew she had little time, Albus would arrive before long.

Hate to break it to you, Lily, but I think that being held by his zombified mother just might be the reason for the crying. Just saying.

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It had been his suggestion to use Peter after all. Sirius would never have switched if the old man hadn't said anything. And Peter was no Occulmens, so he had to know that the rat was the traitor.

Hello, Dumbledore bashing, one of my favorite elements of any Potterfic. Look, SDA, there’s no indication that Dumbledore had anything to do with Pettigrew being made Secret-Keeper, and I’m sure that Pettigrew was probably a pretty decent Occlumens, considering he was Voldemort’s spy for about a year without being unmasked. But of course, what badfic would be complete without assuming that he’s a manipulative, evil old coot who masterminded everything bad that ever happened to Harry for… no adequately explained reason, really.

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Lily quickly packed her things, and prepared to flee England altogether. She saw the wisp of a beard, and scowled. She grabbed her wand and James, and made sure he husband was at least in the ninth gate before apparating out of the house, with her son in her arms.

“She saw the wisp of a beard.” *Sniggers* What, was it just floating there unattended? That’s quite a mental image!

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Albus entered the house, ruined by magic. James was on the ground, dead. He saw an odd symbol, but thought nothing of it. He went upstairs to see...nothing. Voldemort had obviously been there, James would never have gone down otherwise. He cast a temporal spell, and saw what happened. What had Lily done?

How in the hells did Dumbledore get there so quickly? From the sound of it, it’s only been minutes since Voldy got vaporized!

…For that matter, where is our favorite Dark Lord? Lily’s sacrifice shouldn’t have worked, if she knew she could come back from death, that’s why the fact that Harry could come back after Voldemort AK’d him wasn’t in the Prince’s Tale! The sacrificee has to believe they’ll die for it to work! I can buy that Lily could use necromancy to save herself (though I still say that she ought to be undead now) and Harry (which I can buy more readily, as Sabriel’s dad does something very similar), but the Avada Kedavra shouldn’t have backfired! Voldemort is still on the loose, thinking he’s just vanquished the last threat to his power, and is probably even now swinging by the Longbottoms’ to tie up that loose end! Nice Job Breaking It, Lily!

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He immediately made a fake Harry for them to use. He had always suspected something was odd about Lily Evans, as he created a fake body to take her place. It would never work if someone used a temporal spell like he had, but he had to buy time so he could locate the boy who lived...and the woman who was not Lily.

A fake Harry? What? Did Dumbledore just create life ex nihilo? Should we be starting the First Church of Albus Dumbledore, here?

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She had to be a foul creature that had taken the place of Lily Potter, there was no other explanation for it.

Of course she was. She was a Mary Sue, chosen by the Dark Gods of Badfic to give birth to the Alpha-Stu.

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Sirius was on the ground, in shock. Lily told him what happened, and he believed her. He remembered reading books in his family's library about the Old Kingdom and their magic. But he never expected Lily Evans, brilliant muggleborn and wife of his best friend to be from there! Or from such an old clan!

Holy awkward scene change, Batman! Not to mention Holy Awkward World Smushing, as the Old Kingdom has no connection to England, so unless he was hopping into the future to read a muggle fantasy series that wouldn’t be written until the mid-nineties, Sirius shouldn’t know any of this.

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The bells and Book were proof enough. Only an Abhorsen could open them, and Lily was no necromancer. She even made him an offer, if he was willing.

Since the Bells and Book of the Dead mean nothing to a Potterverse wizard- and as we’ve already established, Sirius has no way of knowing anything about the Old Kingdom, and Lily has no reason to have the genuine articles on her person- his only conclusion was that her husband’s death and her own near-death experience had left Lily delusional. He quietly excused himself from the room and flooed a quick message to St. Mungo’s…

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She could make him a Charter Mage, and take him with her. He accepted it, and they booked the first ship off of England, after sealing all their vaults.

Further proof of Lily’s delusions. Sailing ships are a really rotten way of travelling to another dimension, you know.

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It wouldn't do for the old man to steal from them, now would it? Sirius floo called Remus, and explained he was leaving with Lily to protect her and Harry. The old wolf knew something had happened, and Sirius said to keep an eye out for Peter, who was the traitor all along.

The “old” wolf? Remus is in his early twenties at this point! I’d feel fairly insulted reading that description, if I were him!

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He was never seen in England for ten years.

Who wasn’t? Remus? Sirius? Pettigrew? Dumbledore?  Harry? Genderbent!Undead!Lily? I understand wanting to end a section on a dramatic note, but at least strive for coherency!

Anyway, the chapters in this thing are monsters (though fortunately, there’s only two of them) so we’ll leave things here for today.

Last edited by MasterGhandalf on Thu Jul 18, 2013 3:41 pm; edited 5 times in total (Reason for editing : Adding link to fic)
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Hadrian Abhorsen Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hadrian Abhorsen   Hadrian Abhorsen EmptyMon Jul 15, 2013 7:05 pm

What did I just read? The fuck did he do to HP and Abhorsen? Oddly enough, I'm surprised Abhorsen doesn't have enough badfics as HP; maybe that's more of a good thing.
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PostSubject: Re: Hadrian Abhorsen   Hadrian Abhorsen EmptyTue Jul 16, 2013 2:51 pm

so am i the only one reading Abhorsen as abortion
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PostSubject: Re: Hadrian Abhorsen   Hadrian Abhorsen EmptyTue Jul 16, 2013 4:43 pm

@Kakashifan: Fandom-wise, the Old Kingdom/Abhorsen trilogy seems to be at that happy space where it’s moderately well-known, but has yet to reach the level of critical mass needed to spawn a significant amount of badfic. Of course, it’s entirely possible that with the release of Clariel next fall (and especially if the movie plans for Sabriel ever reach fruition) that might change (though I admit I kind of want to see an Old Kingdom/Twilight crossover, just because they’re so hilariously thematically opposite that it could only be gloriously bad, or else involve Sabriel banishing the Cullens beyond the Ninth Gate, either one of which works for me).

Anyway, on with the show:

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Harry was playing with his half sister Sabriel, and between the two of them they kept their father occupied. As an Abhorsen he was bound to go and make the dead lay to rest, or to forcefully send them back. At least he could always count on 'Uncle Padfoot' to watch over the children. His many times distant cousin Lily had arrived in the middle of the night with a child and what appeared to be a large mutt in tow.

Sigh. The forcing of the canons together gets more and more awkward, with Lily being shoehorned into the Old Kingdom role of Sabriel’s mother. Why did she remarry almost immediately after James’s death, anyway? And why is Sabriel still the same person when someone completely different is one of her parents? How is Lily a “distant cousin” of Terciel when Kerrigor had been hunting down the Abhorsens for centuries and it’s pretty clear that prior to Sabriel’s birth, Terciel (her dad) was the only one left (well, except for Chlorr/Clariel, but since she betrayed everything the Abhorsens stand for long ago, I doubt the family was anxious to claim her), and how does Terciel even know who Lily is if she’s been gone from the Old Kingdom since she was six? And why is it that I, the guy who is just reading this thing, put a lot more thought into any of this than the individual who wrote it? WHY?

You know, the story of how one of the last Abhorsens, desperate to save his/her young daughter, managed to send her to another world where she was adopted by a British muggle family and grew up almost entirely ignorant of her heritage might actually be interesting. Naturally, I don’t believe Lily’s backstory ever comes up again.

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She died naturally a half a year later in childbirth, bringing his daughter Sabriel into the world. So now he had a son, a daughter, and a novice Charter Mage who was willing to learn anything he taught him. Though between two of the three, mischief was common. Hadrian was an imp in disguise, and he would swear to that!

At least Sabriel wasn't so damn mischievous!

So he sent them across the wall, except for Sirius who was now his unofficial helper. Hadrian and Sabriel would learn magic, safe from the dead. Until it was their turn to take up the bells.

(Hadrian, age twelve, Sabriel age eleven)

Hadrian finished the Book before his sister, which wasn't surprising. He found it fascinating how many dead there were and how to send them back. But he was thoroughly disgusted with the methods used to bring the dead back, and would never use any of them. (Which was actually a secret relief to his father and uncle, with his enthusiasm for reading the Book.)

The Book is a manual for Abhorsens to use to learn how to defeat the Dead. I should hope that having no desire to raise/control the Dead for personal gain after reading it is a given (particularly when you’re raised by the current Abhorsen who probably made sure to teach you that is wrong from as soon as you were old enough to understand). If Terciel and Sirius were actually worried- well, that doesn’t speak well of Harry-Stu’s (I refuse to call him Hadrian, at least without scare quotes) morality.

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Sabriel was less enthusiastic, but she wasn't afraid to learn either. Still, she had many chapters to go before she finished it.

Now in canon, Sabriel was never actually what you’d call comfortable with her abilities as a necromancer of her affinity with death (which seems pretty understandable, from my point of view). But I’m not cutting SDA any slack here, since he/she/it just dedicated a whole paragraph to how good Harry-Stu is at this stuff. This just reads like diminishing Sabriel to make “Hadrian” *retch* look good; this sort of thing is always annoying, and doubly so when it’s a female character being reduced to prop up a male one.

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Since he had finished the Book before her, he was given the chance to use the knowledge in a practical exercise.

They certainly didn't expect him to be able to banish a Greater dead all the way to the ninth gate with a whistle!

GAAAH! The Greater Dead are some of the most powerful things in the Old Kingdom, with only the Bright Shiners (who are gods, basically) being stronger than them. They’re the oldest, strongest, and most malign spirits in Death, roughly analogous to the liches of stock fantasy settings. Harry-Stu is twelve, and I’m assuming that the “whistle” mentioned here are the pipes that young Abhorsens are trained on before they’re ready for the bells, which are explicitly stated to be much weaker magical instruments. Long story short, he just took on a tank with a peashooter, and won. (And if by “whistle” we just mean “he whistled”, then he took on a tank with his bare hands, which is even worse). If he wasn’t a Stu before, he sure as hell is now.

And Terciel? You’re a terrible father and worse Abhorsen if you let a Greater Dead within ten feet of your adopted son.

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His father lead him through all the gates, and while they went through them, had him describe each one and it's defense. Hadrian got each one right, and saw the final gate. Looking up, he saw the starry sky which all dead must go through to pass on. He merely blinked, and looked at his father.

Who was gaping at him.

Apparently the Ninth Gate had no effect on Hadrian for some reason.

Blessed Astarael! And I thought beating the Greater Dead was stuish. The stars of the Ninth Gate symbolize the final death. Anyone who looks at them will be temporarily mesmerized, and if you look at them too long or are past your time to die (such as a Dead spirit, or a sorcerer who prolonged your life with magic), they’ll carry your spirit away, permanently. The only logical explanation for why Harry-Stu isn’t affected is that he’s some kind of immortal, which flies right in the face of the themes of both Harry Potter and the Old Kingdom.

Or SDA is just dumb and threw this in to make “Hadrian” look cool without giving thought to the ramifications. Yeah, I think it’s that one.

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Sirius was sniggering, and clapped the boy on the back, proud he had passed the test.
The next week he got his own bells, and was brought back across the wall with Sirius to learn wizard's magic. Any Charter magic he learned now would be from the library on his spare time.

And it just keeps coming! Why does Harry get his own set of bells now when in canon Sabriel didn’t get hers until her father was captured and she had to succeed to his position! And why is he getting to learn wizard magic when he’s being raised in the Old Kingdom? The answer, of course, is so that SDA can give him as much power as possible.
Quote :

(Hadrian age fifteen, Sabriel age fourteen)

Sabriel was thrilled! Uncle Sirius was going to live on her side of the wall, to teach her magic! According to him, it was because she shared the same mother as Hadrian, so he could! He was even planning on taking her across the sea to get the required items! Hadrian was with father, learning the trade. He sent letters every week with his odd pet owl, Hedwig.

Points off, SDA, for making serious, reserved, mature-beyond-her-years Sabriel act like a giddy schoolgirl. Further points off for Sue-ifying her. And a few more for including the exact same pet owl Harry had in canon without any explanation.

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They were on the ship, heading to England, where her uncle was born. He had changed his appearance greatly, like having short hair, yellow contacts and his wardrobe, which made her sigh in disbelief.

Okay, first off, why has Sirius changed his appearance, seeing as he’s not a wanted mass-murderer in this AU (or is there something you’re not telling us, Padfoot?) Second and more important, how? *Nerd hat on*The Old Kingdom shares an island with a nation called Ancelstierre. The Old Kingdom is dominated by magic, and Ancelstierre has early 20th century level technology, and the two are separated by a magical wall. Ancelstierre is pretty clearly Fantasy Counterpart-England, but it’s not actually England, and we hear bits and pieces about the continent to the south, which resembles Europe but isn’t Europe. In short, the Old Kingdom is not on Earth. So why in the name of the Charter can you get from the Old Kingdom to England by boat!!!!????*Nerd hat off*

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Who wore robes outside a bathhouse?

Sabriel, your dad wears chainmail, a blue surcoat, and carries a sword as part of his job. I’m really not sure why you’re getting hung up about robes.

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He chuckled at the question, and explained to her about where they were heading.

And found it far more interesting than he had described.

They came back with supplies, books, a wand and two new pets. A cat and owl. They also had something else with them...a werewolf by the name of Remus Lupin.

Ant it’s all in the service of SDA making sure their characters are the best of two worlds, of course.
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(Hadrian, age sixteen, Sabriel, age fifteen.)

Hadrian was eager to see his sister again. She seemed excited to be learning magic, even if it was the weaker version compared to the Charter. He still remembered how Remus reacted to finding out he had a sister. And what he does for a living.

Yet again, we see Potterverse magic being put down in favor of Charter magic. This’ll be something of a running theme, and it’ll be particularly annoying once we get Harry to Hogwarts.

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The only problem was that someone or something was breaking Charter stones at an alarming rate. Every time he went to fix one, it was broken a month later! It was driving him nuts! And the dead were gathering for something.

Harry-stu, you sound like someone being irritated at a bunch of messy kids, not one of mortal civilization’s last defenders against an incoming zombie apocalypse.

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He groaned. He really hated the dead. And because they were gathering in greater numbers, father was out every day. He rarely got a moment of peace now, even with the help of Hadrian and Sirius. The sendings had to find two extra sets of bells for them, but it was worth it. Between the three of them, the situation was tiring, but manageable.

Why does Sirius get bells!? I don’t care if he’s learned Charter magic, necromancy and Free magic are separate things, and they’re unnatural and, more importantly, corruptive. Abhorsens seem to have some inherent immunity (though they can still be corrupted; just ask Chlorr), but there’s never, never in any of the Old Kingdom books a single instance of an Abhorsen giving a full set of bells to a non Abhorsen, because to do so would either sign that person’s death warrant or leave them open to corruption. Yeah, you’re a great friend, Not-Terciel (because the actual Terciel wouldn’t have done something so boneheaded).

I’m going to mostly snip the next bit, as it’s just a rehash of the plot of Sabriel with less tension and added Gary Stu (all the same events- Terciel’s disappearance, Sabriel going after him, meeting Mogget and Touchstone, Terciel’s death, the final fight with and imprisonment of Kerrigor, happen as canon, except with “Hadrian” hovering around and contributing nothing while insisting he’s awesome). It also has an extremely intrusive author’s note that tries to explain how this crossover is set up but is horribly awkwardly placed (it simply cuts out of the story for a large chunk!) still makes very little sense based on how the Old Kingdom and the Wizarding World are set up, and reiterates SDA’s insistence that Charter magic is totally better than wizard magic. I’ll include a bit of the more wall-bangery parts of this section.


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He took out his wand, holly with thestral and unicorn hair, wrapped around a phoenix feather. The man who made the thing was impressed with his core selection, saying it was perfect for necromancer work.

Sabriel raised her wand, rowan with thestral and unicorn hair with snow phoenix feather. The wand maker had said the same thing, only to be careful with charms. They would either be weak or wouldn't work at all. She should stick to transfiguration.

Both were experts at potions, and carried no less than ten healing potions, four pepper ups, five curealls, and at least twelve pain relieving potions at all times. It was inside a charm around their neck in the shape of a different animal. Hadrian wore a stag and Sabriel the tiger. They could pull out the potion needed with a word. No magic required.

And of course, we see that Harry-stu and Sabriel-sue get the coolest wands and magical objects. Note that Harry doesn’t get his canon phoenix-feather wand, which means that he’s probably not connected to Voldemort, which is another piece of evidence that Voldy is still alive and kicking.

Am I a bad person for wanting Voldemort and Kerrigor to team up and reduce “Hadrian” to a fine paste?


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His voice was off, and she could feel the power behind it. The dead's voice came back to it.

Hadrian's scowl, if it were even possible, deepened. He was really not happy about the name.

“Really not happy” about the name of the most powerful undead sorcerer in the Old Kingdom’s history. HAHAHAHAHAHAH! Canon Kerrigor would chew you up and spit you out.


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A black and white cat glared at him, most likely for disturbing it's nap with his trick.

Fail, SDA, fail. Mogget is pure white. This is Old Kingdom 101, here!

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It snarled at him, annoyed.

"You know I hate that trick of yours!" it yowled.

"Unless you want a bath, shut up Mogget."

It glared even more at him.

"So this is the next Abhorsen. Why didn't he pick you instead? You have more experience and are used to the dead by now."

"How do you know she's the next one in line?"

"I'm a cat."

Hadrian conceded the point. He once mentioned if he was the next one in line for succession he would turn Mogget into a dog, if only to annoy him. He liked dogs, and barely tolerated felines.

Mogget is snarky, brutally honest, and never takes crap off anyone. No wonder Sues and Stus wouldn’t like him.  It’s still annoying to hear him sing Harry-stu’s praises, even briefly; Canon Mogget, like our Gary-stu here, may be arrogant and obnoxious, but he’s also awesome and has something that “Hadrian” has never even dreamed of- style.


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He took the last bell from Sabriel, and told them to run. Hadrian scowled at him, but left anyway. He heard the clanging of the one bell that would drag all who heard it through all seven gates and beyond. It was the largest bell, to be used as a last resort.

It was also his second favorite, next to Kibeth.

Astarael, the bell of last resort, the bell that sends anyone who hears it deep into Death, is his second favorite. Harry-stu, you’re creeping me out.

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Unknown to his now dead father, he had met the one who created that last bell and come out alive. He could hear her voice speak to him, anywhere he went.

He found it soothing, to be honest. He never understood why he was immune to that power, or had the ability to heal stones in minutes. The one time he asked the soul, she had smiled, and replied in a voice that chimed that he was an embodiment of magic.

He never could figure out what the hell she meant by that.

Astarael had attempted to remove the strange creature from her canon and send it beyond the Ninth Gate. Unfortunately for her, it didn’t work, for the reason that “SDA said so”. She’s now attempting to lull Harry-stu into a false sense of security.

Seriously, SDA, this is one of the gods of the setting, and an extremely alien and dangerous one. Lirael and Sam barely survive meeting her, and she wasn’t even really paying attention to them. Why on Earth did you thinking making her “Hadrian’s” imaginary friend was a good idea?


End snipped section. Merlin, that was tedious, and Sirius, for all that he was supposed to be Terciel’s helper, pretty much dropped off the face of the Earth for most of it, which proves my point that making him an assistant was a bad idea in the first place. Oh, and SDA just cut the Clayr, completely. It’s not like they’re central to the plot of the next two books, or anything. Or maybe Sanar and Ryelle Saw the badfic coming and booked it in the other direction.  

Quote :
It had been over a year since the battle, but Hadrian could feel the stirrings of something beyond the veil. Why was his lightning scar hurting so damn badly?

Sabriel and Touchstone had taken over the Kingdom, and were going to have a daughter soon.

Wait, taken over? That makes it sound like they staged a coup, not that Touchstone was the rightful king!

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Though Touchstone had a few choice words to say about her owl...which really loved to dive bomb him for some reason. Minerva seemed to enjoy harassing him as well. The thing Hadrian loved the most about it all?

Touchstone couldn't do a thing about either of them unless he wanted Sabriel to spend a few days in the House, ALONE. Hadrian, however, was a source of relief, since he could complain about it to the boy. He said he would cast an owl repellant charm on him, and the dive bombing stopped. Another spell to keep cats away, and he finally felt some relief.

What did Touchstone ever do to you, SDA? Hasn’t the poor guy been through enough?

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Though he did have to wrestle Hadrian when the boy wouldn't stop laughing at him.

Then the odd sightings of fire started to happen. Hadrian was the one to investigate, and each time the reports said the same thing.

An old man with clashing colored robes was looking for someone. He wore half moon spectacles and carried an ornamental wand.

And so we must even bash Dumbledore’s fashion sense. Dumbledore liked his clothing on the wild side, but I don’t think it clashed…

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So Hadrian followed the pattern of appearances, and waited patiently for the man to appear. An hour of waiting, and the ball of flame occurred. If he squinted, he could just see a bird amid the flames.
The man did in fact have an extraordinary bad taste in color combinations. Hadrian glared at him, and said plainly, "I don't care if you are a Wizard. Do you have any idea how much trouble you are causing?"

How much trouble he’s causing? What trouble? He’s just been wandering around looking for someone, and so long as he’s not a free magic elemental, necromancer, or Dead, it’s not an Abhorsen’s business if he does!

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The man saw something amid his bangs and said in relief, "Harry? Harry Potter?"

"Wrong name. You are to quit it with the theatrics immediately. I have enough problems keeping the dead down and fixing Stones. I don't need a senile old goat to add to it."

Harry-stu, if your “sister” was at all like her canon personality, she’d probably slap you for being so rude. Dumbledore has done nothing to you at this point to earn your contempt!

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"Harry, you must return to England! The war..."

Hadrian gave him a patented look that stopped him cold.

"We are just now recovering from an influx of dead, too many broken stones to count, and the return of the royal family. I can't leave for a war which has nothing to do with me, and my sister is still learning how to be a proper Abhorsen. If you want our help, come through the veil like everyone else and make a formal request."

Okay, in canon, Sabriel and Touchstone did just fine without a self-righteous ass policing them. SDA may have been going for concerned, protective big brother, but what they got was condescending jerk.

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The man stared at him. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. He was supposed to come through, convince Harry Potter to come to England and die killing off Tom.

Harry wasn't supposed to be a young man with clear power and training, a sister or a known purpose.

Ah, Manipulative!Dumbledore. I love this part (and by “love”, I mean “can’t stand”). The idea that Dumbledore was in canon a manipulative, morally ambiguous but ultimately well meaning grey-shaded character (taking all the reveals about him in Deathly Hallows into account) seems to have totally flown over the heads of most of the fandom, who try to make him out to be the reincarnation of Darth Sidious (except that Sidious actually took over the galaxy, while your average Evil!Dumbledore is a manipulative genius who couldn’t manipulate his way out of a paper bag).

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"Harry, you don't have a sister."

Case in point. Dumbledore has lost track of Harry for how long, exactly? He should know full well he doesn’t have any idea what’s happened to him, and wouldn’t say something so stupid!

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"Sabriel is my half sister. Our mother died giving birth to her, so don't you dare try to tell me otherwise."

A white owl came down, and dropped a letter.

Hadrian skimmed it and cursed.

"Damn it all to hell! I wish the greater dead would just stay dead for once!"

Another one!? Greater Dead are pretty rare! In canon there were only two that we get to meet (Kerrigor in the first book, and Chlorr in the second and third) and they were two of the toughest customers in the whole series. Why are they apparently just coming out of the woodwork?

Maybe “Hadrian” has them on contract- they’ll wreak havoc and then “let” him banish them, all so he can come out looking good.

Oh, and "hell" isn't an Old Kingdom swear; they have no concept of "hell", for that matter.

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He disappeared in a crack.

The next time he saw the old man, he was preparing for a vacation. Sabriel had finally gotten the hang of sending the dead to the last gate, and he needed a break. Sirius and Remus could always help if she really needed it.

Because they were so much help during that business with Kerrigor- oh wait, no they weren’t!

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He had everything packed, and let them know exactly where he was going just in case. He had been named the godfather of her daughter Elaine, who reminded him so much of their mother Lily.

Error, error! Sabriel named her daughter Ellimere, after a friend from her school who died fighting Kerrigor. There’s no reason why she would have changed it!

You know, between this and cutting the Clayr, I’m starting to think that SDA never read past the first book. Or maybe just skimmed 2 and 3 enough to know who Astarael is.

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The old man spotted him as he was leaving the House. Before he could react, the old man did something he would never be able to explain.

Hah! So much for Harry-stu’s supposed superiority. Dumbledore is one of the two greatest wizards in his world for a reason, and even SDA can’t keep it from leaking through eventually.

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Hadrian was gone, far from home and peace.

When he woke up from the spell, he found himself noticing two things.

One, he was eleven again with all the things he had packed. And two, he was nowhere near the Kingdom. In fact, he was under the stairs trying to figure out what the hell was going on. He realized he must be in a cupboard.

WHY? Just, just why? Why did Dumbledore send Harry back in time, why did he send him to the Dursleys, and how exactly did he accomplish any of this? Why didn’t he just sit Harry down, explain the situation (Voldemort is, to all practical intents and purposes, a Greater Dead necromancer, so he’s not an enemy any Abhorsen should have qualms about fighting) and see if he’d come along of his own free will? And why, why, why did SDA think any of this made the slightest lick of sense?

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He checked to make sure all his things were still there, and put them in the necklace with the potions. He had a feeling he should just play along for now.


That screech hurt his ears.

He found himself cooking breakfast for a horse, a pig and a walrus. Who then took him to the normal zoo.

The abnormal zoo, down the street, was undergoing renovations.

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This had to be the oddest vacation he ever had. It got even stranger when he saw the date.

'What the hell?'

The date was almost twelve years to the day when he and Sabriel finally sealed Kerrigor in a cat's body, held in place by Ranna.

Could someone try to figure out what this sentence says about the date? Because I think a vital word or two is missing…

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Thinking back on the spell, he realized the old man had forced him to fight in his war.

So when the half giant Hagrid took him from his 'relatives' care, he felt he had to say something.

"Hagrid, all I really need is a potions refill and my books. I don't need the wand."

He pulled out his own in proof.

Hagrid helped him buy the things he needed anyway, including an egg for his birthday. It was a rare Snow Phoenix egg!

And a “rare snow phoenix egg” is just for sale, and cheap enough it can be bought on impulse for a kid’s birthday present? Really?

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The goblins were very suspicious about how he acted, and it didn't help when he said the name he went by for almost nineteen years.

"For the last time Hagrid, my name is Hadrian Abhorsen!"

Yeah, Harry-stu. You’re doing a really good job of playing along.

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The goblins pulled him aside and found out he was in fact Harry Potter, or if he went with his mother's real name, Hadrian Abhorsen.

He quickly got his affairs in order, like the missing keys and a few things Lily left behind for him.

Lily, so far as anyone knew, was muggleborn. Why would she have left Harry anything at Gringotts? Methinks the goblins are scamming someone…

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He left richer, annoyed and fully prepared to hex the headmaster the first chance he got.

And so began his first day into as Harry Potter, the pissed off boy who lived.

That could be the tagline for so, so many bad Potterfics. Well, chapter 1 is done, and served mostly to establish that Harry is a master of both Charter and wizard magic, a better Abhorsen than Sabriel, capable of defeating Greater Dead and resisting the Ninth Gate like it’s nothing, is pals with Astarael, has the grudging respect of Mogget, and is an all-around horrible person to people he doesn’t like. He is, in other words, a really horribly obnoxious figure of a Gary Stu. I’ll tackle chapter 2 a bit later, but know that it features a lot of Dumbledore bashing, a lot of Potterverse magic bashing, and a friendship between “Hadrian” and, of all people, Draco Malfoy. You have been warned.

Last edited by MasterGhandalf on Thu Jul 18, 2013 3:44 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Hadrian Abhorsen   Hadrian Abhorsen EmptyTue Jul 16, 2013 6:35 pm

Oh wow. oh wow....That was only ch1 and he did all of that? :Facepalm

I really need to reread the Abhorsen books, since I don't remember much about the storyline. I do remember liking Sabriel for a female protag since she really only cared about getting the job done, and not romance or other petty things, even though we see her care for her father and Touchstone a bit. I didn't like the 2nd or 3rd books as much, I can remember that much, probably since Nix started relying on a couple cliches and made the MC's sorta predictable.
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Knight of the Bleach
Knight of the Bleach

Join date : 2009-06-13
Age : 53
Location : Salem, Mass., USA

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PostSubject: Re: Hadrian Abhorsen   Hadrian Abhorsen EmptyWed Jul 17, 2013 8:25 am

To quote that great philosophical sage Bullwinkle J. Moose, "I think I shall now be sick."
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PostSubject: Re: Hadrian Abhorsen   Hadrian Abhorsen EmptyThu Jul 18, 2013 5:44 pm

Well, people, the good news is that the worst of the desecration of the Old Kingdom canon is behind us. The bad news is that SDA is about to open fire on Potterverse canon with both barrels. And if you thought Hadrian was a horrible excuse for a human being before… well, he’s about to get a whole lot worse. Let’s get this over with.

Quote :
Hadrian was on the train, really pissed off. Between his supposed relatives and the cover story that he had been in hiding with them all these years, he was down right furious! (If he had been forced to live with the Dursley's, well let's say for safeties sake they wouldn't have had to worry about the dead.)

That’s not very Abhorsen-like of you, “Hadrian”. You’re supposed to protect living people from the Dead, no matter how obnoxious they are. I’m still waiting for an explanation for why (and how) Dumbledore regressed you to age eleven and made you live with the Dursleys for a few weeks (and apparently made everyone except you remember that it had always been that way).

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So now here he was, unable to contact anyone, let alone himself. When the students began to board, he growled.

The only thing that kept him from going stir crazy was the fact that he could use Charter Magic here.

Oh, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA no! This is something I didn’t get into last chapter, because it only really starts being a problem here. *Nerd hat on* Charter magic is cool; I actually agree with you on that one, SDA. But you know what one of the most distinctive things about it is? That’s right, Charter magic is region-locked! You see, the Charter (which is basically a metaphysical document that describes everything in creation that isn’t an Eldritch Abomination, and which Charter mages manipulate to cast their spells) is only accessible in the Old Kingdom. The farther you get away from the Old Kingdom, the harder and harder Charter spells get to cast, until once you get a certain distance they can’t be used at all. “Hadrian” is in another freakin’ dimension. He may or may not still be able to access Death, but his Charter magic ought to be worse than useless, or would be if SDA was remotely following canon. As it stands, either they decided to violate one of the most fundamental rules of Old Kingdom canon to make their Gary Stu that much more special, or they have the reading comprehension of a brain-dead fruit fly.*nerd had off*

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A red head popped in, and asked if he could sit with him. Hadrian could see a set up from a mile away.

"No," he said flatly.

Why, exactly, can you see a setup? The train is rapidly filling up, and you don’t even know anything about Ron! Especially since there’s no evidence it was a setup in canon! This is a particularly galling bit of fanon from the Manipulative!Dumbledore, Super!Harry crowd, and it’s showing up here with even less justification than usual.

Vin the Mistborn: *pops in from MG’s Karala sporking* Sheesh, this Hadrian person must be even more paranoid than me, and I check my closet and under my bed for assassins before I go to sleep.*she pops back out*

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The red head was persistent, and only left after he hit the boy with a rather amusing charm. The twin brothers saw his trick and applauded.

Fred and George and just dropped in here without any explanation, and they approve of some un-described but apparently humiliating spell that a stranger just cast on their little brother. SDA is putting bad writing and bad characterization together in one charming bundle.

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Another boy came in, with two goons at his side.

"They've been saying all along the train that Harry Potter is aboard. Is it true?"

Hadrian glared at him.

"No. I have never gone by that name once in my life except when my birth father was alive, and I most certainly don't intend to start now. You may address me as Hadrian Abhorsen."

Apparently his little speech met with the boy's approval, because he held out his hand, "Draco Malfoy. The one on the right is Vincent Crabbe, and the left is Gregory Goyle."

Harry-stu and Draco are both pompous jerkasses. No wonder they take an instant liking to each other.

You know, this brings up an interesting point. SDA is obviously a pretty serious Dumbledore-basher, and makes Dumbledore out to be an arrogant, self-righteous, manipulative jerk who pulls out all the stops in trying to reshape the wizarding world to his idea of what it should be, but isn’t nearly as clever as he thinks he is. The question is- why latch onto the Malfoys, when the personality you give Dumbledore is pretty much exactly what Lucius already is?

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He nodded.

"You were named after the star constellation, correct?"

You grew up on another planet, Harry-stu. Why in Merlin’s name do you know anything about Earthly constellations?

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Draco took that as the invitation it was, and sat down. He looked a bit sheepish, "Now that question I could never figure out. I have no idea what my mother was thinking when she named me."

Draco, your mother is a Black, and most Blacks have star names. Besides, Latinate names run in the pureblood community. Pureblood pride is basically Draco’s defining trait! SDA, what did you do to him!?

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"You think that's bad? I have a half sister named Sabriel. And she named her cat and owl Minerva and Xiomara."

“Sabriel” is a perfectly respectable Abhorsen name (unlike, I might add, Hadrian which, if SDA bothered to follow Abhorsen naming conventions, ought to have been something like “Hadriel”). Minerva was a Roman goddess (though only She knows how Sabriel heard about her).

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That little tidbit was obviously news to him.

"You have a sister?"

"I know exactly what happened that night, and my mother didn't die from some silly curse. She died giving birth to my younger sister almost a year after the Dark moron killed my father."

“The Dark Moron”. Seriously. This is how you treat your Big Bad, SDA? Then again, this is the same person who described their Stu as being “really not happy” about freakin’ Kerrigor. I never thought I’d say this, but Voldy? I’m rooting for you, mate.

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Hadrian bought out the entire cart from boredom,

*snerk* Sounds like he bought the cart, but didn’t buy any of the actual snacks on it. Have fun with that.

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and took out a book. Since his sister was still new to the family business, she carried the Book with her...but that didn't mean he didn't have his own copy. They had a book handmade in the kingdom, blank. A simple copy spell and a charm to self update should Sabriel add anything (or Hadrian to his) and now there were two copies of the Book.

The Book of the Dead is a powerful magical object whose contents shift as per the needs of the reader. I’m pretty sure it would resist being copied so handily.

And I really hate how you keep emphasizing that Sabriel is “new”. She’s less than a year younger than you, you jerk!

Quote :
Draco appeared interested in the writing, since he vaguely recognized it.

Seeing the look of recognition, Hadrian smirked.

"How much Ancelstierre can you read?"

Harry-stu is obviously drunk on his own alleged awesome. Ancelstierre is the name of a country, not a language.

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Seeing his look of confusion, he showed him another book, one of simple Charter Spells. Draco actually managed to read two.

How!? From Draco’s perspective, the Charter marks ought to just be gibberish!

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"I'm impressed. Most of you English can't read a word of either."

Draco gave him a look.

"You're English you know."

"Only half. I was raised on the other side of the veil in the Old Kingdom. I can weild all seven bells and can speak Charter without glancing at a book, unless it's particularly complicated."

“Hadrian” smiled. “Aren’t I amazing? You can begin praising me at any time.”

Quote :
Draco was impressed now. He never would have believed the boy who lived was from that side.

He was moderately confused, seeing as none of these words meant a thing to him, and was rather uncomfortable at meeting someone who was so much like a delusional version of himself. He hoped he could slip away in a bit while “Hadrian” rambled on about himself… maybe to wherever Crabbe and Goyle evaporated to.

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"What house you looking forward to?"

"Which house is going to use a wandless, wordless hex on the headmaster the first chance they get?"

None of them, because Potterverse wizards need wands to control their magic, you moron!

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Draco gaped a bit, then laughed.

"Slytherin of course! Though if you're as smart as you appear you may end up in Ravenclaw."

"I'm not even supposed to be here. I turned the old goat down before, and he nailed me with some spell right as I was about to take a long deserved vacation!"

Seeing it would be a sore subject for him in the future, he asked how much magic Hadrian knew. And it surprised him.

"I can turn into an animagus, hex anyone nine ways to Monday, and cast high level wards without blinking."

Draco was really panicking now- he had to act fast before the Gary Stu sucked out the last of his personality and turned him into its mindless groupie. There was one spell Father had taught him as soon as he got his wand, but it might already be too late…

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Draco, eager to see his animagus, suddenly found himself confronting a large black wolf which almost filled the compartment.

Hadrian turned back, amused at his reaction.

… sadly, it was too late. Why am I actually feeling sorry to see Draco Malfoy’s canon personality go?

Quote :
And the alliance between Draco and Hadrian was formed. Draco immediately asked him what he did in the Old Kingdom, and Hadrian said "I'm guessing you don't know the significance of the Abhorsen name."

Draco shook his head.

"What is the main problem that you wizards face here? And I don't mean muggles."

"Dark creatures and wizards. Unless you're from a prominent Dark family, then they don't bother you."

Wrong! Draco would tell you that muggleborns, blood traitors, and anyone his dad doesn’t like are the greatest threat to wizarding society. Remember, this is the guy who wanted to go to Durmstrang because they actually teach the Dark Arts there.

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"We have a problem with the dead."

"You mean ghosts and Inferi?"

"I mean the dead. Greater and Lesser. Depends on how far they come from the gates. Our problem is keeping them dead."

A girl with bushy brown hair came in, and asked if they had seen a toad.

"What is the name of the toad?"

“The Name of the Toad”. Wasn’t that the title of some famous book or other?

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A nervous boy behind her stammered "Trevor."

"Accio Trevor the toad!"

A toad flew from the farthest compartment into his hand. He handed it to the boy, who stammered a thanks. The girl stared at him, and he raised an eyebrow.

Hermione has been reduced to speechlessness. SDA’s violation of the personalities of key Potterverse characters continues.

Quote :
"I happen to be a natural at charms. And I've used that one too many times to count."

Her eyes raised in shock.

"You're Harry Potter!"

Hadrian growled and sounded exactly like he did as a wolf.

"No I bloody am not. Why do people keep calling me by a name I have never even used?"

Maybe because it’s the name you’re in the history books here under? Seriously, just telling people you prefer to be called *gag* Hadrian would make you so much more tolerable.

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"I've read so much about you!"

"All lies. I rarely come to this side of the veil, for a damn good reason."

So am I to take that as an admission that you didn’t actually defeat Lord Voldemort at age one? The evidence for my theory that Voldy was never defeated in this timeline is mounting.

Quote :
At least she left five minutes later.

Hadrian sat down and scowled.

"This is the very reason I hate coming to this side. Between the wizards and the Ministry I never would get any peace! Back home all I would need for some quiet is to let everyone see the bells, and they don't even think of bothering me."


Hadrian brought out a bandolier, with seven bells. Hadrian pointed to each one, and said their name.
"Ranna, Mosrael, Kibeth, Dyrim, Belgaer, Saraneth and Astarael. Sleeper, Waker, Walker, Speaker, Thinker, Binder, Banisher."

Draco expressed an interest as to what they did.

O, Merlin and Astarael! Please don’t tell me you’re going to start teaching Necromancy to Draco Malfoy, of all people! He was bad enough as Hogwarts’ resident member of the Hitler, ‘scuse me, Voldemort Youth.


Quote :
The train slowed to a stop, and they got off. Hadrian kept his bag inside the necklace, and went to Hagrid.

He sat next to Draco, and the two looking for the toad earlier.

He turned to them, and held out a hand.

"Hadrian Abhorsen. And no, I don't answer to Harry Potter. Never have, never will."

The nervous boy held out his hand, "Neville Longbottom."

"Hermione Granger."

"By the way, everything the books said about how I survived? All a pack of lies. Mum knew a few things about death that she never told dad. Hence why we survived and disappeared."

The power of self-sacrifice and a mother’s love? Pfah, who needs it!

Quote :
Hermione seemed to deflate a bit.

"Tell you what, if you promise not to try anything without me there to supervise, I will show you a few things the Ministry prefers you never knew about."

Considering that you’re a nineteen year old in an eleven year old’s body, talking to a preteen- that sounds really, horribly dirty.

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That made her happy.

Everyone was startled at how Hadrian reacted to ghosts. And how they reacted to him!
The Gryffindor, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff ghosts all yelped in shock when they saw the bells. The Slytherin ghost shuddered.

Hadrian growled, but said, "Don't give me any reason to use these, and I won't send you through. Am I clear?"

ARGH!*nerd hat on* The Dead in the Old Kingdom books are actual spirits who died and entered Death and came back out again, either of their own will or because a necromancer dragged them back. Potterverse ghosts are the imprints or echoes of spirits who were particularly attached to the world and/or reluctant to die, but they aren’t actually the people they resemble. Old Kingdom Dead need to consume life energy to stay in the world, making them a threat to anyone they meet; Potterverse ghosts never show the ability (and rarely show the inclination) to hurt living people. There might be some misunderstandings at first, but I see no reason an Abhorsen (or regular necromancer) would have power over them. *nerd hat off*

But I’ll admit, the mental image of an increasingly frustrated “Hadrian” ringing his bells to try and bind or banish a bemused, somewhat pitying Nearly Headless Nick to no avail is pretty hilarious.

Quote :
The ghosts nodded and left so fast they left large trails of ectoplasm. Every first year turned to him. And he glared right back.

"The dead should learn to stay dead. Especially around me and mine."

Nick did his best to explain what the ghosts actually were, but “Hadrian”, filled with his own self-importance, would hear none of it. He should be glad, Nick thought after giving up, that he hasn’t run into the Bloody Baron yet…

Quote :
Everyone but Draco, Neville and Hermione immediately steered clear from him. McGonagall lead them into the great hall, and gave him a stern look for his bells. He gave her his best glare right back.

McGonagall promptly reprimanded him for disrespect towards a faculty member, privately regretting that he hadn’t been Sorted yet and so she couldn’t take points to make the lesson hit home.

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Soon the sorting started.
Draco was sent into Slytherin, Hermione to Gryffindor, and Neville to Hufflepuff. The red head from earlier went into Gryffindor.

Why the Hells does Neville go to Hufflepuff? He’s a Gryffindor, damn you! Gah, it’s probably some horrible composite of Neville-bashing and Hufflepuff-bashing, knowing SDA. Well, you just wait until he’s seventeen and comes after your pet snake with his magical sword, and… well, that kind of got away from me.

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"Harry Potter!"

"THAT DOES IT! I have had it with people calling me Potter! My name is Abhorsen! Get it right!"

If you’ve read my previous sporkings, you’ve probably figured out that I don’t swear very often, and when I do it’s usually not very strong (especially compared to a lot of people here). That said, “Hadrian”? You are an *asshole*. “Abhorsen” is also not a surname, but we’ve been over that already.

Quote :
He finally lost it. He went under the hat, ignored the stares, and hummed something in a tone so low no one caught the sound. One of his fingers was pointing to the headmaster, and by the time the hat yelled "Slytherin!" no one noticed the slight beam of light that hit the old man behind him.

Everyone was gaping. Except one person in the Slytherin table who clapped. (Draco)

Hooray for the awkward and unnecessary perens!

Quote :
Hadrian sat next to Draco, in a fouler mood than usual. Still, Draco did one thing no one else dared. He managed to get Hadrian to talk to them.

When Hadrian smirked, everyone got shudders. His eyes combined with the smirk made him look like an unholy creature from hell.

At least SDA admits it.

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"We should be seeing the effects of that hex when the headmaster stands up."

One of the prefects looked at him.

"What did you do?"

"Let's just say that the headmaster should stick close to the bathrooms for the next week. And it will be impossible for him to get rid of it before then."

The prefect promptly dragged Harry-stu to Snape so that he could be disciplined for pulling a totally unprovoked and disgusting prank on the headmaster. Merlin, why would you think telling an authority figure about something like that was a good idea?

Quote :
Soon the sorting was over, and the headmaster stood up. And promptly farted...or at least that was what everyone assumed it was. Eventually the students went to their new houses, and met their head of house.

Yes, “Hadrian” just cursed Dumbledore with explosive diarrhea. I am in awe of how he is such a picture of maturity, grace, and power. Seriously, that’s juvenile even by the standards of the eleven-year-old he pretends to be- coming from someone who is allegedly an adult, it’s just sad.

Well, on that incontinent note, we’ll end Chapter 2 for today. The second half should be up over the weekend.
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Hadrian Abhorsen Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hadrian Abhorsen   Hadrian Abhorsen EmptySat Jul 20, 2013 7:14 pm

Well, this is the home stretch, and it’s probably both the most boring and most infuriating part of the fic. The Old Kingdom stuff is mostly behind us, except when it’s pulled out and used (usually incorrectly) to show off how wonderful our Stu is. What we’ve got is essentially a cliffnotes version of the first few months at Hogwarts from Sorcerer’s Stone, to showcase how “Hadrian” handles everything better than his canon counterpart. My only solace has been imagining how the actual canon characters, especially McGonagall and Snape, would react to the situation, and in some cases I’ve included the scenarios. Hey, it’s helped me stay sane. Aynway, the last part of this wretched fic commences now.


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Snape singled out Hadrian and said "What did you do to the headmaster Abhorsen?"

The lack of that rather important comma almost makes it look like Harry-stu is now the Headmaster. Fortunately, even SDA hasn’t gone that far… yet.

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Hadrian grinned. At least one professor wasn't an idiot.

"I have two words for what he'll be experiencing for the next week. Explosive Diarrhea."

Snape smirked.

Severus Snape, the strictest teacher in the school, who considers Dumbledore one of the few people he actually respects, just smirks at the son of his hated rival when finding out he did that to the man. *headlaptop*

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"I take it there is no way to end it before then?"

"Not unless he happens to know all the Charter marks I used as well as the Wizard spell, no."

“I assure you, Mr. Potter, that Professor Dumbledore is well acquainted with all forms of wizard magic and has no doubt corrected the problem already,” Snape said. “As for your so-called Charter magic, it might have presented a problem were it functional in our world. As it is not, it will certainly present the headmaster no obstacle. You, however, are not so fortunate. You will be doing detention with me from now until Christmas, and you should feel grateful it wasn’t for the whole year. Now, get.”

Sigh. I miss Canon!Snape

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The prefects let them know the rules, and they went to bed. Hadrian and Draco promptly nabbed the window beds.

A most impressive feat, considering that their dormitory was underground.

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Hadrian woke up just as the sun hit him in the eyes, and took a shower. Instead of putting on the ridiculous robes, he grabbed something from his necklace.

An Abhorsen chain mail with green plating instead of the usual blue. It had taken him months to finally figure out a spell to change the coloring, but it was worth it. Now Sirius and Remus could wear the chains with red and gold. He put the bells on next, and they comfortably rested on his chest. The school robe was placed over the mail, and he put in the earrings in his left and right ears.

His earrings were in fact his fans, shrunk and hung by a small silver wire. They were closed and the bells silent. On each fan was the symbol for the Abhorsen and Potter family.

His favorite pair of boots were tied and ready for walking. They were well worn and comfortable, built for walking long distances.

I guess that this is chapter two’s obligatory fawning Stu description. Glad that’s out of the way.

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Hadrian was the first to the breakfast table, and the door still hadn't opened. He thought back to something Sirius had mentioned, about how the doors wouldn't open until seven.

By the time he got back from mentally memorizing each class and where it was, the doors had just opened.

Harry-stu is so impressive he can memorize his classes before he even gets his schedule.

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He sat at the Slytherin table, and began to eat.

He ignored the look the headmaster was giving him, probably from figuring out it was his fault that he had to use the bathrooms at least ten times last night.

Snape handed the schedules, and he promptly memorized them. Draco walked blearily to the table, and Hadrian handed him a strong cup of coffee.

Draco wrinkled his nose. “What’s this, some muggle remedy for exhaustion? We don’t deal with that rot in my family, Potter.”

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Draco drank it immediately, and winced when he burned his tongue. Hadrian absentmindedly handed him a pain relieving potion. He took a sip and nodded to the other boy. Suddenly he heard chirping, and looked down.

The egg had finally hatched.

The egg that hasn’t been mentioned or even vaguely alluded to since you got it, I might add.

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The tiny phoenix had icey blue feathers with silvery edges. But it was the eyes that held his attention.
They were emerald.

He named it Snowfire.

I call it Oxymoron. Isn’t “Snowfire” a character from a comic that got reviewed on Atop the Fourth Wall a while back?

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It slept in a pocket inside his Slytherin robes, until he found the kitchens and fed it.

After that, it was on its own.

Really, it was. That’s the last we hear of the thing. Thanks for that little interlude of pointlessness, SDA.


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McGonagall wasn't in the classroom, but a familiar feline was. Hadrian would swear the thing was Minerva's double! It even had the same personality!

"Minerva? What are you doing here? I thought you were with Sabriel!"

The cat turned into the teacher, and he realized his mistake.

"Sorry Professor, but your animagi form bears a striking resemblance to my sister's cat Minerva."

Needless to say, this will never become relevant again.

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"While that explains why you called me by that name, I would prefer if you did not do so again."


Draco felt he had to explain it to his friend, if only to keep house points from being taken.

"Her name is Minerva McGonagall."

"Ten points to Slytherin."

"Ah. Any teachers with the first name of Xiomara?"

"Madam Hooch," said McGonagall.

"What does she teach?"


"My favorite thing to do, though I usually prefer Paperwings to brooms," he said offhandedly.

Well, aren’t you special.

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Hadrian was the only person to get the assignment done correctly on the first try. He immediately brought out a book and began to read. It was an advanced transfiguration book...and it happened to be restricted.

…I’m running out of snark. SDA takes so many opportunities to push “Hadrian’s” awesome, it’s wearing even thinner than usual.

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McGonagall knew it was still in the restricted section, since the only way to get any books that advanced was to ask her. And it was too early in the year for that.

You need a teacher’s signature to get into the restricted section, but it doesn’t have to be the teacher whose subject relates to the class. Harry and co. got a potions book with Lockhart’s (the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher) signature, after all.

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"Mr. Potter..." she started.

An annoyed growl was heard, and he corrected her again.

"Abhorsen. I've never gone by Potter in my entire life."

Sensing it was a lost cause, she admitted defeat gracefully

Minerva McGonagall does not admit defeat, gracefully or otherwise. Because she doesn’t have to. She’s the Deputy Head, she’s tough, she’s smart, and she certainly doesn’t roll over for first years. Harry-stu, if you didn’t have the author on your side, you’d be in a world of hurt right now.

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"Mr. Abhorsen, where did you get that book?"

"Black Family library. Uncle Sirius gave it to me for finally passing his transfiguration lessons."
Everyone stared at him.

"Sirius, as in Sirius Black?"

"If you're going to tell me he's a Death Eater, save your breath. Peter Pettigrew was the Secret Keeper, not Black. Besides, he's officially a resident of the Old Kingdom, and therefore exempt from Ministry regulations and laws."

Nobody knew that anybody was the Secret Keeper! It was never common knowledge! Sirius was considered a Death Eater for “murdering” all those muggles and Pettigrew, and that was what he was infamous for! Only a handful of people knew that he was also considered to have betrayed Lily and James. Remember what Fudge said? "The worst he did wasn't widely known?" Does it ring a bell? In this AU, he vanished immediately after James’ death, and couldn’t have been framed by Pettigrew. Keep your own canon straight, SDA! At most, he’d have been a suspect who was never convicted.

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He was the only one to not get homework. Flitwick was both shocked and delighted that Hadrian was an expert in Charms. Even if he did fall of the stack of books when he read the name aloud. Hadrian politely corrected him about his name.

Well, at least Harry-stu shows he has some manners, and Flitwick is moderately in-character by being pleased with the Stu, since he’s generally friendly with everybody.

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Since it was clear Hadrian was beyond the first year curriculum, Flitwick offered to put him in his OWLs class. His last class was Defense, which was a complete joke. After five minutes he took out a book on Auror training which he borrowed from the Black family library and started reading instead.

…but this is going too far. Bumping Harry-stu ahead four years purely on the basis on one class? Enough is enough, SDA!

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Finally, classes were over for the day! Time to really explore the grounds. Draco and Neville decided to join him, while Hermione was in the library.

I can’t imagine Draco and Neville getting along. At all. Draco is a bully with a natural tendency to lord it over everyone he can, and Neville at this point has a crippling lack of self-confidence that makes him an easy target.

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Hadrian expanded his senses, and made a mental note on the number of ghosts in the castle. More than he thought, but as long as they didn't cause him any trouble he wouldn't bother them. Except maybe that Denizen from the third gate. Then he felt something that drew his sensed immediately. The ever flowing stream of the Charter!

“Hadrian”, you’re hallucinating. The Charter doesn’t exist (or at least, can’t be accessed) outside the Old Kingdom, remember?

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From the way the flow felt, it had to be a stone! And an untouched one at that! He jumped up in glee, and promptly headed towards the feeling.

He found a stone with an odd ribbon of what looked like rope and paper, and took off the rope. Then he touched the stone, and felt the soothing feel of the Charter surround him. Draco lightly shook his shoulder, and gaped at the look on his new friend's face.

…sigh. At some point in the distant past, an Old Kingdom royal came to Hogwarts and planted the only Charter Stone in England there, all for the sole purpose of making Harry-stu’s life easier. SDA, your bending over backwards so your Stu never has any conflict is showing.

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Hadrian turned to them, and was smiling. Not the same type he had been giving ever since people insisted on calling him Harry Potter. But a true smile that didn't send fear into their hearts.

If it usually sends fear into people’s hearts when you smile, you just might want to rethink your life.

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"I never would have believed a true Stone would be here. This just makes my stay a hell of a lot easier."

"What kind of stone?" asked Neville.

"This, Neville, is what is known as a Charter Stone. Back home I would be repairing the ones that necromancers break on purpose. These stones are direct links to the Charter, and make casting with the marks and symbols a lot easier."

Touchstone would be repairing the Charter Stones, you ass! An Abhorsen’s job is to defeat the Dead and Free Magic creatures. It’s the royal family’s job to plant and maintain the Stones! Must you do everything?

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He saw the confused looks, and said "I'll explain things to you and Hermione the first chance we have a day off. You two are looking at the only true Charter Mage within a thousand miles of here. I can even teach you how to cast."

Hadrian seemed to do a mental inventory for a moment, then said, "Do you know where I can get some Pommel Ash, lacewing flies and belladonna?"

Neville immediately brightened up.

"You can probably find belladonna in the greenhouses."

"And you could probably find the others by asking Snape. Why do you need those anyway?" asked Draco.

Hadrian replied, "I need them for a Fourth Level mid healing potion. I'm running low again."

*mutters something incoherent about how Potterverse potions don’t have levels*

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Draco apparently knew where Snape's office was, and told him. Hadrian bid them goodbye, and went to find the professor.

He ran into the man instead.

Are “the man” and “the professor” distinct people, then? Dear God, “Severus” and “Snape” have split into separate people. It’s My Immortal all over again! Run for your lives, the end is nigh!

… Sorry about that. Got a bit carried away there.


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"Abhorsen! What do you want? I'm in the middle of brewing a volatile potion!"

"Actually I was wondering if you knew where I could find Pommel ash, lacewing flies and belladonna. I forgot to stock up and I'm running low on fourth level mid healing potions."

Snape stared at him.

"You...can brew a NEWT level potion?"

"NEWT? It's one of the simpler ones I can brew. It's either that or owl Sirius for another supply run."


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Snape seemed to come to a decision.

"Come with me Abhorsen."

Snape lead him to a broom cupboard, shut him inside, then flooed to the Headmaster. “Professor Dumbledore, I have him,” he said. “Honestly, it was easier than I thought. I started feeding his ego and he became oblivious to anything else. So like his father…”

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He lead him to his office, and handed him the ingredients. Hadrian had a feeling Snape wanted to see if he was boasting or not, so he started the prep work. Five minutes later he was done, and the potion was quietly simmering. An hour later he put the last ingredient and let it stew until the next day.

Snape was in shock. The son of James Potter, an expert at Potions? Hadrian saw his look and smiled.

Snape mulled over all possibilities in his mind, and came to an inescapable conclusion- this was not Harry Potter, but some malignant doppelganger. Why didn’t he see it before?

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"I've been brewing this stuff for years. I keep a stock of healer's potions on me at all times."

And he brought out a sturdy box, and opened it.

"I brewed every single one of these. My sister can brew like this too."

"Tell me about this...sister of yours."

"Technically she's my half sister. Her name is Sabriel Abhorsen. Mum had her about half a year after my birth father died. She is better at Transfiguration than I am, though I master how to be an animagi before her. She has an evil owl and cat named Xiomara and Minerva."

Wait, wait. Sabriel is supposed to be Harry-stu’s half-sister. That means James isn’t her father, and presumably Terciel is, as per canon. Lily only met Terciel after James died… then had Sabriel six months later… even assuming that she and Terciel hopped into bed the moment they met each other, that’s not long enough…

*adds human pregnancy to the list of things SDA doesn’t understand*

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Snape looked amused.

"And yes, I already know those are the first names of McGonagall and Hooch...though I swear McGonagall looks like Minerva's evil twin..."

Snape chuckled. Then he proceeded to tell Hadrian how to improve his potion making skills. All in all, a very productive first day.

He’d given “Hadrian” faulty instructions that would lead to the next potion he brewed exploding in his face. Yes, Snape thought, steepling his fingers, a very productive day indeed.


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The week flew by much the same. Aside from the fact that Hadrian now hexed Ron Weasly on sight (he couldn't take the hint that Hadrian didn't want to be friends with someone who called him Potter) and Hermione become his favorite study partner, it was boring but tolerable. (Though he secretly suspected that she was planning on tying him up and kidnapping him for all the spells he knew.)

Five points for making Hermione actually somewhat in-character, albeit with added pandering to “Hadrian”. Negative fifteen for assassinating Ron’s character, and another negative five for spelling his name wrong.

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At least the next day he would have a break from the tedious classes. Hermione, Neville, Draco and surprisingly Blaise Zabini were interested in Charter Magic.

Hadrian turned out to be a better teacher than most of the professors there. He was patient and explained each detial without someone asking. Neville seemed to grow more confident whenever Hadrian praised him.

And of course, Hadrian is a better teacher than the people who’ve devoted decades of their lives to the profession (and while the Hogwarts faculty are often eccentric at best, a number of them- McGonagall, Flitwick, and Sprout all come to mind- very much know what they’re doing).

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(Despite being in Slytherin, it was obvious to everyone that Hadrian did not tolerate bullies. And he had a tendency to protect the nervous firsties. Hence why the Longbottom heir looked up to him.)

He doesn’t tolerate bullies. That would be why he hangs out with Draco Malfoy all the time. Riiiiiight.

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Hadrian knew full well he had a strange knack of getting people to trust him. Particularly into battle against the dead. Whenever he lead people into a fight against the Lesser (or worse a Greater) dead, most of the time they made it out alive.

Why are you leading people into battle against the Dead on a regular basis? Your job is to protect people from the Dead! In some cases (like Kerrigor) a Dead is big and nasty enough you need all the help you can get, but for the most part, Abhorsens fight solo! Sabriel certainly doesn’t needlessly drag innocents into *her* fights.

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It didn't help that females were instinctively drawn to him like moths to a flame. He once complained about it to his sister, who then told him flatly that his aura read like a cute puppy, so what the hell did he expect to happen?

His aura reads like a cute puppy? What, is Sabriel possessed by Ty Lee now? And of course, females are instinctively drawn to him. Everyone else is…

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To be fair, he actually didn't mind the way Longbottom tended to hang out with him during Slytherin/Gryffindor paired classes. He had a feeling Neville excelled in the one class which tended to give him a real headache, Herbology. (If only because of the many variances in plants. And the fact that he does have allergies to certain species of flora.)

It may only be an irrelevant flaw thrown in to deflect accusations that the character is a Stu, but Merlin, that sentence is beautiful. I have seasonal allergies, and normally wouldn’t wish them on anyone, but for Harry-stu? I’m making an exception.

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In exchange for help in that subject, Hadrian paired up with Neville during potions. (Read: kept Neville from ruining his potion and getting a passing grade while he worked on a much harder one with Snape's permission.)

So you’re just like Hermione, only with added condescension. Lovely.

(Why are you even in class with Neville, anyway? Slytherin and Gryffindor had potions together, and Neville, in this bizarre AU, is a Hufflepuff).

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Of course his attitude towards the headmaster was nothing compared to how Peeves reacted to him. Now that was something every student in the great hall enjoyed a lot. The day Peeves was taken down thirty notches. (Not that they knew what Hadrian was threatening to do to the annoying poltergeist.)

Peeves is an essentially uncontrollable force of nature, and SDA so help me if you steal the thunder of that awesome moment in book five when he salutes Fred and George…


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Peeves was cackling like the pest he was, and zoomed into the great hall during the firsties study period. He was in the mood to annoy the Slytherin house today, since the Bloody Baron was out for a ghost conference.

“Ghost conference.” All context aside, that phrase is hilarious. I think I’ll have a sign made and hang it on my door- “Out to Ghost Conference”. Yeah.

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Then he saw the boy that the other ghosts spoke about with fear. Harry bloody Potter, no wait, they called him something else after a not so subtle warning. Now what was that name again? Horse-something?

Other ghosts? Peeves isn’t a ghost- this is clearly established in book one. He’s a poltergeist; a spirit of chaos, not the imprint of a dead person.

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Hadrian's head shot up the minute Peeves entered the hall, and his scowl would have terrified anyone on the wrong side of it. So when Peeves starts throwing the ink wells and books everywhere, Hadrian was pissed off.

So he did the best thing he could come up with, since he had to keep his bells in his necklace (Dumbledore threatened to confiscate them after the incident during the feast) and he knew everyone was watching.

He whistled sharply, and everyone could feel the power behind the notes. Peeves suddenly jerked back, and the entire hall watched as the poltergeist was literally thrown arse over teakettle out of the hall and into an open classroom.

AARGH! *Nerd hat on* It’s possible to wield necromancy by whistling in the register of one of the Bells. It’s really, really weak, though, and is mostly a last ditch effort of a necromancer or Abhorsen caught in Death without other instruments to save their own skin. The idea that it would have such a strong effect here- especially on Peeves, who isn’t even a dead person- is utterly ludicrous.*nerd had off*

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Then they all stared at Hadrian in surprise.

"Damn third gate denizen..." was all he would mumble, before going back to work.

Third gate denizen? As previously established, Peeves isn’t dead. He has no reason to go near Death or any of its Gates. SDA, would it kill you to do a little research first?

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Thus everyone learned that Peeves had finally found his match in Hadrian Abhorsen. It was the main reason Filch never threatened him with detention, once Hadrian noticed he was a natural Charter Mage who couldn't find an outlet for his power.

(Which is why Hadrian was privately teaching Filch how to use Charter magic and promised once the man had learned how to cast it properly to take him past the veil with his cat. At least over there he would fit in.)

*stares in wonder* SDA Stu’ed FILCH!!!??? And what’s this nonsense about being a “natural Charter Mage”? There is no such thing (unless you count members of the Charter bloodlines, which Filch certainly is not, unless you’re trying to say he’s a long-lost prince or something)! Anyone can learn Charter Magic so long as they’ve been baptized with a Charter Mark, which almost everyone in the Old Kingdom is as an infant.

Oh, I almost want to be there when Filch finds out that he’s been had. They’ll probably never find all of “Hadrian’s” remains.


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Hadrian was surprised to find himself enjoying Hogwarts. Despite being a twenty year old in an eleven year old body (who happens to have a penchant for swearing, drinking and causing major trouble in the non necromancer way) he was actually having fun. Mainly because the old goat in charge obviously didn't give his past self a memo about sending him the grown up boy who lived.

So, wait. Dumbledore did send Harry-stu to the past… and to the Dursleys… and made him younger… and didn’t clue himself in!? What kind of moron do you think Albus Dumbledore is, SDA? This is beyond stupid. This is setting himself up for catastrophic failure.

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One would almost feel sorry for Dumbledore...pause...if he weren't so damn manipulative.

One would almost find Hadrian Abhorsen an engaging protagonist…pause… if he wasn’t such a god-awful Jerk Stu.

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Between the twins and Hadrian, the school had one week of pranks after another. One the plus side, Hadrian was now on the school team after a bizarre series of events during flying lessons.

(Not that he actually needed them, since he had been in far worse conditions while flying for years.)

*Rubs forehead* Of course he has. Of course he has.

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Though once Neville had broken his wrist and Hermione her ankle (ouch) Hadrian suddenly found himself with a pack of lions and snakes without supervision.

The snakes poisoned him, and then they and the lions ate him. The end.

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'Oh hell, this will end badly I just know it.'

So Draco picked up Neville's rememberall that his Gran sent him (intending to give it back when he saw the boy) and Ron starts shooting his mouth off. Draco (being a Malfoy to the core) takes the snide comment and baits Ron.

Of course we can’t have Draco actually being an arrogant, spiteful bully, as per canon. Instead it’s all Ron’s fault. Why do you hate Ron so much, Harry-stu? He hasn’t even done anything to you yet!

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Hadrian sighed, and pulled something out of his necklace.


It was a bizarre paper-like bird thing, with almost creepy living eyes. It was also a prototype he had been working on for months after the battle with Kerrigor. A Paperwing for one, with enough room for a bag.

So he just goes and builds a Paperwing, one of the Old Kingdom’s most advanced magical constructs, in his spare time. Good God, is there any skill SDA didn’t give this creep?

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Getting into the seat, he leaned downward and gave a sharp whistle. The magic kicked in, and the wind brought him level with Draco.

If I hadn’t read the book, I’d be totally lost here. SDA, you never established that Draco was in the air or what he planned to do, just that he was having a fight with Ron. This is basic scene-setting, here, I don’t care if it’s fanfic based on canon events, it’s an AU and events are happening differently.

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"Toss it over Dragon. You can play with the Weasel all you want then."

Draco was too busy staring in surprise at the contraption he was sitting in for a few moments. Then he tossed the ball to him. Hadrian had to lean slightly over the side to catch the thing. Seeing a chance to test his Paperwing (Madam Hooch was atheletic, but it would still take her another fifteen minutes to get back. Ten if she ran), he whistled again, and flew once around the Gryffindor tower. Without the extra weight of the second seat, the Paperwing was much faster. Only the extra density of the paper kept it intact.

You just can’t resist the urge to show off, can you?

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Hadrian landed the thing with two minutes to spare, and shrank the Paperwing into the necklace again.

Everyone was giving him funny looks.


"What...is that thing?"

"A Paperwing. Of course this is one I modified as a one seater."

"A what?"

"Paperwing. One of my ancestors created it. The Clayr have over a hundred of them. I make them in my spare time."

Why is everyone so in awe of the bloody Paperwing? Yes, they’re cool- they’re semi-sentient magical aircraft- but wizards have been able to make flying vehicles for centuries. Yes, it’s mostly restricted to brooms (because they’re innocuous household items that can easily be hidden from muggles), but an exotic flying machine ought to be met with polite applause, not stunned awe.

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Hadrian sensed McGonagall approach, along with Madam Hooch. He turned to them, smirking.

"Abhorsen! What was that thing?" said McGonagall.

"Paperwing. One of the easiest ways to travel back home. And I make them as a hobby."

You’re just nauseatingly nonchalant about the whole thing, aren’t you.

I never thought I’d meet a character I hated as much as Sara from "Karala", but you, “Hadrian”, are getting pretty darn close.

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He had a feeling they wanted to check it over.

"We must ensure that they are safe."

Hadrian gave them a look.

"Please, give me a break. Even if I gave you one, you wouldn't be able to understand the magic used to create it. It's an entirely different branch from what you use."

McGonagall regarded him over the rim of her glasses. “Twenty points from Slytherin, Mr. Potter,” she said coldly. “And in the future, please refrain from telling us what we can and cannot figure out. We are fully capable of determining that for ourselves”.

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"Be that as it may, we have an obligation to the safety of our students."

Hadrian snickered. But took out one of his unfinished Paperwings. McGonagall took it with her for investigation.

I’m so glad that you find a teacher’s concern for her students amusing, Harry-stu, you jerkass.

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"And by the way, there is a reason WHY they call them Paperwings. It's made of magic and paper. Try not to destroy it please?"

Snape came to him, and wanted to know what happened.

"I was field testing something while waiting for Hooch to come back. I happened to fly past the Gryffindor tower."

"And she saw the contraption and assumed the worst. What was it that you were using?"

"Paperwing. I can show you the one that I finished. The one I gave McGonagall was one I was still working on."

Snape was interested in the device, and Hadrian brought out a standard Paperwing for him.

Snape promptly confiscated it. “Bringing an unauthorized magical device to class purely for the purpose of showing off in it? Yes, Mr. Potter, you are indeed your father’s son. Turn out your pockets now, and if I find any other illicit artifacts that you are concealing on your person, you will wish you had never set foot in this castle.”

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"This is one I borrowed from the Clayr. I usually fly my own, but just in case I keep this one ready."

The reference to the Clayr would be a lot more meaningful if SDA hadn’t cut them from the story completely last chapter. Assuming they remember that at all, of course.

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He took it with him, and promised to not destroy it by accident. And had Hadrian come to his office a week later. Hadrian put his Paperwings back into his necklace. It seems Snape knew about Charter magic, and checked it over.

All he had to do was swear not to fly at night (like he was that foolish! England was cold enough during the day!) and he could keep his Paperwings.

What was it Snape said in the third book about rules being for lesser mortals rather than James Potter? Seems his son has inherited the tendency.

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They were an excellent test for his students. Filch was surprising a fast learner, and would soon be ready to learn how to fly.

The only other student almost prepared to fly was surprisingly enough, Neville. Draco, Hermione and Blaise were still on the secondary marks.

I take back what I said last sporking. SDA actually appears to like Neville. I like the guy too, and it’s really great to be able to look back over all seven books and see his development, but him being better at Hermione at what’s essentially a very rigorous academic practice in his first year? Not happening.


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Hadrian found himself as a Seeker on the Quidditch team of the Slytherin house. Ron was furious that Hadrian had gotten off free, so he challenge him to a duel. Hadrian smirked.

So did I. Flying a broomstick is nothing like flying a paperwing. Prepare to crash and burn (perhaps literally) “Hadrian”.

Besides, didn’t Slytherin already have a Seeker in Harry’s first year (unlike Gryffindor)?

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"Let me get this straight. You expect me to actually fall for such an obvious tactic? I've met politicians with more subtlety."

Politician-bashing ahoy! Maybe SDA is related to Kieran Halcyon after all.

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Then he faced Ron fully.

"Besides, I know more spells and curses than you will in a lifetime."

Good God, man, you’re a twenty year old in an eleven year old’s body. You haven’t lived anything close to a full lifetime, so don’t talk about what Ron will and will not do in his.

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Snape came up and said "Is there a problem here?"

Yes, Snape, there is. The odious little toad in front of you would be the problem. It’s not too late to restore canon if you act quickly!

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"Weasel challenged me to a duel sir."

Ron's face turned as red as his hair.

"Detention Weasly! And thirty points from Gryffindor."

Well, taking an opportunity to punish a Gryffindor unfairly is pretty in-character for Snape. Sadly, it’s to “Hadrian’s” benefit, so I can’t appreciate it.


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The first quidditch match. Already he had a massive headache. He had a small Paperwing shrunk around his wrist and ready to go at a moments notice. The last thing he needed was to fall off the damn broom midflight at the heights he liked.

I’m pretty sure that counts as cheating. Get him, Hooch!

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So they took their positions, and Hadrian snorted at the lack luster way his team looked. Honestly, he outflew everyone and had more experience with in flight combat than anyone. He could handle two inanimate objects aimed at him.

As he was patting himself on the back for his cleverness, a bludger flew up and struck him clean in the face, knocking him off his broom and out of the game.

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They weren't crows killed and reanimated with a single dead soul after his life energy. And after a 'ahem' incident when Hadrian almost killed Flint by leading a bludger right at him, they left him alone. Particularly since Hadrian had long since memorized certian spells which controlled winds.
It made catching the Snitch child's play.

Cheater, cheater!

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Hadrian mounted his broom and took off. It was a good thing he had his own with him, otherwise Snape would have had to buy one. (As it was, Snape was grateful the Potter Spawn *TM* had his own broom and had saved him five hundred galleons on a nimbus 2000. He spent the coins he saved buying rare potions ingredients instead and giving them to Hadrian.)

You know, there’s just something really, fundamentally unsettling about Snape the friendly and supportive mentor (it also misses the point of Snape’s contradictory attitude towards Harry entirely- he couldn’t separate Harry from his parents, so he was both protective of him- because he’d loved Lily- and tormented him- because he’d hated James. Nice work destroying a nuanced character, SDA).

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His Charter spelled broom was faster and less likely to get on his nerves than a wizard one. Besides, it had a spell on it to give him even sharper eyesight. (Not that anyone knew about that.)

He was flying moderately around, enjoying how easily his personal broom outstripped the others.

Then he spotted the Snitch and took off.

Before he even got close, Fred Weasly almost nailed him with a bludger, which he easily averted with a quick double barrel roll. But it had done the job he wanted, because the damn ball was gone again. He gave a friendly glare to the boy, who grinned back. The twins knew for a fact that Hadrian was an imp in disguise. Hell, he even gave them pointers on pranking which worked! (Which is why the Divination teacher found herself with thirty crystal balls filled with the image of Barney.)

… does Trelawney even have thirty crystal balls? I don’t even want to know about how British wizards know about Barney.

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Halfway through the game, he felt his broom grow warm. Someone was trying to cast a spell on it...a wizard spell. He looked where he was. Right in front of a Slytherin stand. And only one person was watching him without blinking.

Damn Quirrel. Was he still angry over how Hadrian outdid him in front of the bloody class?

WHEN WAS THIS!!?? GAAH! Is SDA giving Hadrian retroactive awesome now? Has Quirrell even been mentioned by name prior to this? AAGGHH! *mg temporarily devolves into wordless babbling*

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The broom was glowing red hot, as Charter magic was cancelling out the jinx. He glared at the man with the turban, and began a shrill whistle. Out of nowhere a large tornado engulfed the stand he was in front of, and the glow stopped.

Harry-stu can control the weather by whistling. That’s not a Charter mage or Potterverse wizard power. Conclusion- on top of everything else, he’s related to Storm.

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The wind stopped the second he let the whistle die down. Since everyone could clearly see that his broom had been glowing, no one commented on it. Snape however, was furious and had his wand out on Quirrel.

Hadrian saw the snitch, and in a moment which would probably have his family howling, caught it...and nearly choked since he had his mouth open when his broom catapulted him.

Since we’ve established that Quirrell’s jinx wasn’t having any effect, I can only conclude that Harry-stu fell off his broom out of sheer incompetence. It may not be much, but I’ll take my enjoyment here where I can.

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He promptly used mouthwash the second he was in the locker room. That was worse that his sister's first attempt at cooking with Sirius as the instructor! (Funny thing about that, Sirius is an excellent teacher in magic but can't cook worth a damn.)

… why do you have to take swipes at Sabriel, SDA? Sabriel’s cooking is never mentioned in canon, so far as I can recall, and Sirius was a rich kid who probably never had to cook a day in his life, so why would he be teaching her? . In other hands this could be decent, but considering how you keep emphasizing that “Hadrian” is so much better than Sabriel, it just rubs me the wrong way.


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Halloween. But Hadrian knew the other names it has been called. Before it was Halloween, the night children used to play pranks and get candy, it was All Hallow's Eve. But those who weild magic know it by another name, one that most never recall.

Samhain. The day before the Feast of the dead. And Hadrian's biggest headache. It was the one day of the year which Necromancer's loved to bring the dead past the veil of death. The only day when Death's boundaries were at it's lowest point.

Necromancers love to bring the dead back every day. That’s why they’re necromancers. They’d be especially hard pressed to bring back the dead on Halloween, though, seeing as it’s not a holiday that exists in the Old Kingdom.

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And his busiest time of year. He loathed this day with a passion. It had nothing to do with the fact that the Dark Moron killed his father and widowed his mother, though that sure as hell didn't help. And he never experienced the childhood joy of trick or treating like most children of England did. He spent this day helping his father send the dead that crossed back to where they belong.

Why, exactly? I seriously have to wonder this. In canon, Terciel sent Sabriel to be raised at a boarding school in Ancelstierre so that she could have a (more or less) normal and safe childhood. Why did he drag “Hadrian” along with him during his exceptionally dangerous work? Did he just want the kid to get killed? In fact, I can’t recall a single Abhorsen in canon who wasn’t in their late teens when they took up the family business.

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So it was understandable why no one could find him all day. The ghosts and Peeves seemed to know what was going on, because they stayed well out of his sight the entire day. In the end, it was Hermione who accidentally found him when Ron insulted her.

Hadrian found her crying, and knew he was going to hex the idiot the next time he saw him. Hadrian kept Hermione with him at the Slytherin table. He shut Draco up by telling him it was to piss of Weasel (Ron).

We know who Weasel is. You’ve been calling him that often enough. And the only explanation I can think of for why Harry-stu found Hermione is that he was busy perving in the girl’s bathroom.

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When the troll came, Hermione reluctantly went with the other Gryffindors. Hadrian lead everyone to an unused classroom once he remembered that the Slytherin dorms were in the dungeons.

In canon, we get an amusing, awesome, heartwarming scene where Harry and Ron rescue Hermione from the troll through a combination of courage and (in McGonagall’s words) sheer dumb luck, and she in turn lies to the teachers to protect them from being punished, resulting in the three of them becoming fast friends from there out. Here, we have two of the blandest sentences in the English language, and that’s it. SDA is so much better than Rowling, don’t you think?

And that’s it. No climax, no wrap-up, the story just stops. We never even find out if they beat the troll or not! On the one hand I’m relieved that we didn’t get further butchery of two of my favorite fantasy series, but on the other, it’s just annoying the way SDA apparently lost interest and never bothered to wrap anything up. In any case, that’s the end of that, and good riddance to Hadrian Abhorsen. May Kerrigor escape his bindings just long enough to consume your pathetic excuse for life-force. Of course, it’d probably make the poor undead abomination ill.

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