- bleachedblackcat wrote:
- Man how do races stay alive in this world? I'd say that only around 50% of women of all races get to hit puberty, and about 30% of those aren't killed as soon as they dare to step outside of the house. Add that to how many of them might not be able to have kids due to various reasons and one starts to wonder if some mage isn't producing tube babies somewhere.
I have no idea. I literally have NO idea.
But for now, we're back to reviewing FATAL! What? No applause?! For those following along at home, we're up to page 146, Chapter 6: Sociality! Nothing like making up nonsense words! What the fuckwad author means by "sociality" is "randomly determined every other aspect of your character as it applies to society, such as name, profession, and social status". What this means for us is lots more dice rolling!
First of all, we need to determine our kobold's name. We have to look in Appendix 7 in the back of the book because amazingly, they have a chart for that!! Looks like we roll a d1000 again. Does Byron Hall have a thing against d100's? I rolled a 526, and find out our name is "Musodah". Evidently, kobolds have no last names, so that may make things awfully confusing for all those little kobolds who roll the same numbers. The game does generously say that we can choose our own names if we don't want to be known by our birth names. How sweet, game! Letting us choose something about our characters? It's amazing!
Next we determine our birthday, which there's a formula:
{1d20* / [(1d12 + 1d20) - 1] / [5100 - age]**}
*Reroll results of 14 or higher.
**The formula above uses kobold years (KY)
To be more clear, that's for month/day/year. Uh. Huh. Rolling the dice, I get the 8th month, 5th day, and whatever year, because I don't feel like looking up our kobold's age. It's not like I'm filling out a real character sheet for this. I just love how they have to have you reroll oh, a third of the die about for the month generation. "15, 16, 15, 19, GOD DAMN!" Heh.
Next is birth status, and we turn out to be in the majority of legitimate births. Wait, really? In the Rape-O-Matic world, 80% of all births are legitimate? Really? Next, we roll a 1d100 (yay for percentile dice finally!) and find out our social status, and.... Huh. Wow. Really? Holy shit! I rolled a 100%, and that makes us
royalty! Seriously, a game lets you start off playing as freaking
royalty! How the hell are we going to get experience and advance in levels? Putting all our subjects to death... wait, I see what you did there, game.
As royalty, we start off with 3d100 silver pieces, which ends up at 158 silver. Not bad for starting wages, I guess! Then, depending on our social status, we have to determine where we were born AT. Wow, let's not leave any detail to the player's imagination, game. A 91% gets us the capital city of koboldland. After that, we randomly determine how many siblings we have. Kobolds have a +5 modifier to the roll, so we roll a 62 + 5 = 67% or 1d4 brothers AND 1d4 sisters, which would be one brother and 4 sisters. To determine birth order...
- Quote :
- Consult the results for Siblings, determined above. ... add 1 to the number of Siblings and obtain a die with a number equal to or more than the modified number of Siblings. Discard any result that is too large.
I just love how sibling is capitalized in that. Sibling: Now Always a Proper Noun! We just happen to luck out and have six kids in this family, and our birth rank ends up being number 1, woot! WE INHERIT EVERYTHING AND LEAVE OUR SIBLINGS NOTHING!
Next, we would determine randomly if we are married, but evidently kobolds do not recognize matrimony, so we don't roll. The book goes on to say that marriage is recognized between slaves (why, how nice of them) but that inter-racial marriages are forbidden, which what the book means to say is inter-
species marriages are forbidden, but oh well, why do we bother trying to correct the book anymore on technical terms? Then, it goes off and I facepalm so hard.
- Quote :
- The marriage of noble females is very different from peasants. With peasant females, personal choice and attraction are factors, and marriage commonly follows pregnancy.
I facepalm so hard here because even just a quick Google search turns up that FATAL's famed "HISTORICAL ACCURACY" is completely wrong. Marriages were basically arranged, noble and peasant alike, and while sometimes the groom had a say in it, the vast majority of the time, the parents of the couple to be wed arranged it. I only point this out because it's just one little tiny flaw in FATAL's otherwise flawless hysterical, I mean historical accuracy.
After that, there's a lot of bullshit about how even though women are "property" of their husbands, a relationship built on mutual love, respect, and intimacy is desired. It then goes on to say:
- Quote :
- ...wife-beating is common and corporeal punishment is the norm. Arguably, wives do not get the worst of it. Husbands rarely have mastery over their wives; nearly everywhere, wives dominate their husbands.
Yes, seriously, those three sentences are put together back to back. Wife beating is common, but YO DOG! Wives TOTALLY MASTER their husbands! Totally.
A short section, but still a section nonetheless! I shall continue next time on page 151 with Language, which actually sounds completely boring which is why I stopped here.
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