What Book Should We Dramatic Read Next?

We're on the last book of the 50 Shades trilogy (thank god), and I was asking Weirdy what book we should DRAMATICALLY READ next? I vote for an Anita Blake book, Narcissus in Chains on. Either that, or Key to Conflict, which is hysterically awful. Like seriously awful. And I need to get back to snarking that.

Anyone have suggestions?

we should totally read the Eisenhorn books, if only because the gun descriptions will make Penguins head explode, and the grim dark grim dark just begs to be pulled apart. a bit

Seconding Anita Blake.

Somath Cegem wrote:

we should totally read the Eisenhorn books, if only because the gun descriptions will make Penguins head explode, and the grim dark grim dark just begs to be pulled apart. a bit

It's 40K, you go in expecting the guns to be ridiculous. And they're not that bad in th Eisenhorn trilogy... which is all in all a pretty good series.

Dark Viking, by Sandra Hill. Navy WEALS, blind obediance to a guy in serious need of Prozac, and way too much author on board.

I could go for Anita Blake.

However, I also suggest Way of the Wolf by E.E. Knight. It's like Clint Eastwood took a grizzled shit on Twilight, because there are vampires but everything is very grimdark and the lead character is huge Stu by the time you get to page 16. It's not even because he's doing inexplicably badass stuff. No, it's entirely because the author is trying to set him up as some sort of giant badass and is trying too hard.

I'd suggest one of the many Warcraft novels, mainly Cycle of Hatred, only because it took it seems to be the weakest of the novels I've read thus far.

rae wrote:

However, I also suggest Way of the Wolf by E.E. Knight. It's like Clint Eastwood took a grizzled shit on Twilight, because there are vampires but everything is very grimdark and the lead character is huge Stu by the time you get to page 16. It's not even because he's doing inexplicably badass stuff. No, it's entirely because the author is trying to set him up as some sort of giant badass and is trying too hard.

Oh god yes, I would love to have you guys do that book/series. Though book #2 is even more fun to mock.

TheIan wrote:

I'd suggest one of the many Warcraft novels, mainly Cycle of Hatred, only because it took it seems to be the weakest of the novels I've read thus far.

The problem with a novel like that is that it almost certainly requires the people to know the lore to identify most of the worst spots, often in ways that won't be obvious to the people who DO know the lore.

bleachedblackcat wrote:

FULL OF SUCK

Oh, good! I was afraid they might improve, later. <3 Good to know this isn't the case.

I've only been able to read through the first three books so I can't tell you if they ever get better (I highly doubt it)

You want to know how much of a Stu the guy becomes? Let me quote wiki "Valentine starts off as a Wolf, but due to some events that are hinted to be caused by Alessa "Smoke" Duvalier becomes a Cat and finally becomes a Bear after an ill-fated meeting with a Lifeweaver in Pacific Command."

For those who haven't read the books, each animal naming is after someone has gone through some training thing to gain powers like that animal.

Have you guys done Eragon? Only legit bad series I can think of, besides the later Drizzt books. I hate the new whatever the fuck trilogy type shit he's been pushing out lately, Ghost King and all the ones related ot that. Along with the Obould/orcs storyline.

How about The Land of Painted Caves, the final book in the Earth's Children series? It's also nicknamed Plodding Through the Pleistocene, which should give you an idea of how good it isn't.

Seconding Eragon. OMG... It's like Snookie pretending to be smart un-ironically.

I love how he magically turns half spoiler/whatever in the second book, and it makes him super pretty/no blemishes or scars. Just so he can probably bang Ayra, whatever her name is. And so many other things. That was one of the big ones, and the fact that he more or less owned Mor-blah after the fact when before he was useless.

Definately Anita Blake. Whichever book is the porny-est.

Oh yeah, we should do some Anita Blake.

The Beauty Trilogy by Anne Rice also comes to mind, but I'm not sure how bad they are.

Bumping this because I wanna get back in on the readings.

Lurv wrote:

The Beauty Trilogy by Anne Rice also comes to mind, but I'm not sure how bad they are.

Whatever "badness" the books have is easily outweighed by it's sheer soulcrushing boringness.

Every single chapter goes like this:

Beauty: "Oh, I hope * Horrible thing* doesnt happen today!"

Prince "Hello Beauty. Today we're doing * Horrible thing*"

Beauty "Oh woe!"

*Horrible thing*

Beauty "Oh well. I guess *Horrible thing* is the new norm now."

Prince "Hello Beauty. Did you know about *New Horrible thing*?"

20 goto 10.

Every. Single. Chapter.

For. Three. Books.

WD40 wrote:

Whatever "badness" the books have is easily outweighed by it's sheer soulcrushing boringness.

Well, I'm used to that by now, though it would be nice with something that's more entertaining for a change.

Yeah, I have not read the Beauty thingy but I hear it is pretty boring too.

Yahtzee, him of Zero Punctuation fame, did a review of the trilogy once himself. That's how I came to read it...

You can check it out Here but really all you need to read is his summary paragraph at the end:

Quote :

MONOLOGUE OF A PERSON WHO HAS HAD A SENSIBLE UPBRINGING INVITED TO THE QUEEN'S PALACE

"Boy, thanks for inviting me to your palace, your majesty! Your piss-ups have earned quite a reputation as - oh, thank you, I would like some wine! So as I was saying, I... whoa. Ha ha. You know, I must be jetlagged or something, I could have sworn that serving boy was completely stark bollock naked! Anyway, I would - oh my fucking god, he was! They're all stark bollock naked! Do you guys have a trouser shortage or something? Fuck, you could have said so! We've got tonnes of trousers at our palace you can have if you'd just ask - entertainment? what sort of entertainment? Oh shit, what is that man doi - AGH! FOR FUCK'S SAKE I'M TRYING TO EAT HERE! I don't want to see that! Please, for the love of all that is holy just pull that thing out of his - NO DON'T MAKE HIM DANCE - oh Jesus I'm going to throw up. Summon the troops. This palace BURNS TONIGHT."

The end.