Return of the Outrageous Lies About the Previous Poster!

TheIan's biggest regret was dancing on top of his car during rush hour traffic while doing "The Ian" to the pulsating rhythm of "Enter Sandman", by Metallica.

Colchise has no interest whatsoever in boosting his post count. He thinks a smaller number is a better one.

EileenK has no interest-no interest at ALL in helping me increase my post count.

Hey folks, here's a fun fact--EileenK actually has a crush on me. Her favorite "toy" that she...affectionately called "Juan", has now been renamed! Of course, Eileen, being...Eileen forgot to cross out the name "Juan", and now it looks like "ColchiseJuan".

Colchise and his family eat deep fried armadillo for Thanksgiving dinner.

Yup, and Mississippi Misery's family eats bologna sandwiches for Christmas dinner--only, MISTER Misery likes to use his 25-cent Christmas "bonus" to get the "good" bologna, instead of the week-old varitey they usually get.

Colchise eats Easter eggs for Christmas--and I mean that literally. He eats the eggs saved from that year's Easter.

Lady anne is very proud of coming from a broken home--the fridge was broke, the rocking chair was broke, and so were her parents.

One Christmas, she asked her daddy for some rollerskates. Well, Mister Anne didn't know what to do, so he MADE her a pair of skates--out of some platform shoes and the gold balls from under the family sofa. when she got them that Christmas morn, she was estatic and couldn't wait to try them out.

...she was easy to identify, as she was the only kid in the neighborhood who was spinning around while skating.

That actually sounds kind of awesome...

Colchise auditioned for The Hunger Games, only to be told he was too thin. Even Hollywood has its limits.

Lady Anne auditioned for "Dancing with the Stars", only to be turned down in the preliminaries because she has a wooden leg with a real foot.

Colchise knows a man with a wooden leg named Al. He still doesn't know the name of the other leg.

I loaded Lady Anne in a cannon.

I blasted her off to Pakistan...needless to say, she now has a promising career as a taxi driver and she always smells like curry...always.

...and her fares always make fun of her for only having one syllable in her name, too.

Colchise just friended Kim Jong Un on Facebook.

Christopher91 knows this because he's part of Kim's "inner circle".

Colchise actually lives in a dumpster behind a Burger King and dreams of moving to that dumpster behind the mall.

Karmyn is squatting in one of Mitt Romney's stables.

Yep, and a drunken, incoherent Lady Anne is seen on YouTube taking a squat inside one of the confessional booths at the local church.

...rumor has it that the priest couldn't understand why "regret for eating Taco Bell enchiritos" is really a confession.

Lady Anne wrote:

Karmyn is squatting in one of Mitt Romney's stables.

Which is probably nicer than the residencies of most of us.

Colchise worked as a writer for David Letterman until she was dismissed for writing jokes so unfunny even David Letterman was appalled.

Mikey keeps telling me about his damn pet llama, named Keith. He has plans to cross-breed it with a pigeon he found on his way to work. He tells me he's gonna' call it a "llamgeon".

Colchise poisons the pigeons in the park.



And maybe a squirrel or two.

Eileen CAPTURES the pigeons in the park and tries to sell them as "E-KFC". It's unfortunately not a more reliable Email service, but it's just Eileen deep-frying pigeons and calling it EileenK-FC.

Colchise is really a hamster.

Yep, and Lady Anne is really Darth Vader's twin cousin--she married twice--once, to a guy named "Ballpark" Frank, and then she dumped his ass and took her maiden name back.

We call her Lady Anne Frank-Vader.

"Luke, I AM your...uh...cousin!"

Colchise writes Romney/Ryan slash fiction.

Miss Misery slashes Bachmann/Palin.

Lady Anne was caught giving a lap dance to a very bored John McCain in one of the rooms at the Howard Johnson's. He wanted to massage her back, but, even as close as she was in proximity, his arms were STILL too short to reach her.

...she prefers men who have REAL "size" to them--their PROSTATE, that is.