'I Walk Almost Alone' a LoTR 'poem'.

Lord of the Rings didn't deserve this. Our author is Stybba, who has a profile that states that if she had one wish it would be to be a pony. If she had two wishes she would be a pony with a pretty saddle. She laments at length at Ewan McGregor getting married, IMDb states he got wed in 1995. I would have thought that 17 years was long enough to get over it.

Our fanfic is a poem or at least,

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Something like a poem.

The something it is like is, in fact, a poem.

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DISCLAIMER:I do not own LotR.I sure wish I did so I wouldn't have to live a secluded life as a fanfic author.

Amazon has over six thousand copies for sale, some for under £12. Buy it. Buy freedom.

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I don't really understand this but I think it fits under one of those "Frodo's Diary" more I read it the more I hate it,but if I didn't publish it I would go mad(which isn't to far away).

There's a missing bit in the middle of this, isn't there? Heh, heh, 'publish'. Pretentious little fanbrat. Two, too, to. Learn them.

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I Walk Almost Alone.

*Walk on (almost) through the wind, Walk on (almost), through the rain..!*

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The End Is Near.

If only. This is just the second line.

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Soon alll fates will be decided...

Alll fates!

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My Skin Is Schorching-And Yet My Heart Is Ice...Emotionless.

Your skin is what now?

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Death Has Not Approached Me.

Sensible guy.

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Life Is Something I Do Not Sense Inside Me.

Oh no! Your tapeworm died!

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This "Life" I Now Live I All A Blur.

Oh yes? Er, what?

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My Face Remains Grim.

I know the feeling.

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He Is A Loyal Servant,Friend,And Once...My Lover.

One does not, if one has class, shag the home help, dearie. Would anyone like to donate a space so those poor commas don't suffocate?

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He Tries To Unlock My Frozen Heart,

But I Must Push Him Away.

This is about Lord of the Rings? Either Frodo and Sam, I'm guessing, or maybe Sauron had a thing for Gollum. Either way, wouldn't you thaw a frozen heart and unlock a locked one?

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All He Wants To Do Is Help His Happiness.

Well, that seems healthy, actually.

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Helping Me Means Death.

Yeah, but the pay is good.

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That Is Why I Must Continue.

I Will Not Believe They Should Die For Nothing.

The wangst, it burns!

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And Then I Must Watch My Companion Die Before My Eyes.

I wanted my eyes to die first! Nofair.

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Then All Their Deaths Will Be In Vain.

Dear oh dear. All of them? Sadness. Really, a spell check and some good punctuation could help this, as would decent formatting. But the unmitigated twagedy nothing can save.

The critics rave about, I Walk Almost Alone!

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*sobs* Where did you go Justinian? *sob* this was not written by the giddy homocidal maniac I once knew *sob* WHO ARE YOU *wakes up* ...did..I say something?

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This is depressing we want cheese cake 3 please we will kill legolas if you give us more cheesecake.

Her other story is described as:

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My first attempt at something besides humor.

Oh yeah, because that first poem was just hilarious.

Ergh. Why so much capitalisation?

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I Will Not Believe They Should Die For Nothing.

Fear Is Nothing.

The Only Thing I Fear Is That My Quest Will Fail,

And Then I Must Watch My Companion Die Before My Eyes.

Then All Their Deaths Will Be In Vain.

Wuh...so you want them to die, just not for nothing. Number one friend EVER. Also can't decide how many friends are involved. Ech.

Summercorn wrote:

Lord of the Rings didn't deserve this. Our author is Stybba, who has a profile that states that if she had one wish it would be to be a pony.

That right there is a warning sign this girl's elevator doesn't stop at all floors. I wouldn't be at all surprised if it turns out she's got a psychiatric file a foot thick.

Summercorn wrote:

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Life Is Something I Do Not Sense Inside Me.

Oh no! Your tapeworm died!

Poor tapeworm.

Chris91 wrote:

Summercorn wrote:

Lord of the Rings didn't deserve this. Our author is Stybba, who has a profile that states that if she had one wish it would be to be a pony.

That right there is a warning sign this girl's elevator doesn't stop at all floors. I wouldn't be at all surprised if it turns out she's got a psychiatric file a foot thick.

Or she has a kink worthy of the bottom levels of 4chan.

Braigwen wrote:

Or she has a kink worthy of the bottom levels of 4chan.

:shiver:

Funny thing is, she comes across as the sort of age you want a pony, (just not generally to be a pony),just her list of stuff she likes: Pink Floyd, Elton John, Bow Wow Wow, Ziggy Stardust, etc. seems like she's a lot older.

I like this review though.

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I really like this poem! With the exception of "my lover"

'That does NOT go there, Mr. Frodo, sir!'

Braigwen wrote:

Chris91 wrote:

Summercorn wrote:

Lord of the Rings didn't deserve this. Our author is Stybba, who has a profile that states that if she had one wish it would be to be a pony.

That right there is a warning sign this girl's elevator doesn't stop at all floors. I wouldn't be at all surprised if it turns out she's got a psychiatric file a foot thick.

Or she has a kink worthy of the bottom levels of 4chan.

Or maybe both.

KJM wrote:

Summercorn wrote:

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Life Is Something I Do Not Sense Inside Me.

Oh no! Your tapeworm died!

Poor tapeworm.

This made me lol.

Lol.