I think this Sex Toy must have been on the Clearance rack at the Nibelheim Lion's Den

I was one smitten with the unrestrained gushing that was so eloquently authored by Ms. Laura. The sheer passion it took to blatantly ignore punctuation; to birth an epic piece that would bring the MicroMachines man to tears when presented as a voice-over script. But please, dear readers, notice that what I have used is past tense. And the reason for that is what I've stumbled upon from an old, dusty, data cd. If Laura wrote FFVII slash. I must forewarn you, this is my first solo snark and I'm accomplishing it without the aide of my internal muses. I think most of them are reviewing their contracts to ensure there isn't a clause or three binding them to this "caliber" of work, so feel free to crit my single weapon wielding.

Quote :

Sephiroth stares at Cloud, who is huddled in the corner... smirking slightly Cloud Strife has his knees pulled up to his chest Sephiroth goes over to the corner Sephiroth says, "you ready?" Cloud Strife says, "?" Sephiroth reaches down for him Cloud Strife draws back... but cant get far Sephiroth grabs Cloud's arm in one gloved hand Sephiroth says, "Where are you going cutie?" Cloud Strife says, "Leggo..."

...my Eggo waffle. Or maybe they meant Lego, as in "Oh look! I found a Lego! Lets talk about this!!"

Or perhaps I'm too optimistic. This is, in fact, only the first para-sentence.

Quote :

Sephiroth puts one hand around Cloud's neck and pulls him close to his face... grinning slightly Sephiroth says, "You're mine" Sephiroth forces a deep kiss on him Cloud Strife says, "!!!" Sephiroth grins at him. Pushes him down to the floor and pins him there... moving his shirt up Cloud Strife says, "stop!" Sephiroth goes down and starts to suck on one of Cloud's nipples as he pins him to the floor Cloud Strife Whimpers Sephiroth continues with the nipple till it becomes a hard point then moves to the other one Sephiroth says, "you might actually like this at some point... but for now you have to do what I say" Cloud Strife Squirms a little

So now we're up to two punctuation statements. I thought Rude was the only one cleared to speak ellipsis. Or ellipsis-es. Ellipsi?(Google says ellipses. Scrabble tournament here I come!!) Maybe I missed a memo, but at least they aren't emoticon speaking "O.o;;" But now I'm a little confused. I thought Cloud's last name was Strife, not his middle name. I must say Whimpers is a good surname, but then it changes to Squirms. Maybe he's got one of those hyphenated names so it's really Whimper-Squirms? OH!! Does this mean Cloud's got some kind of Native American ancestry and that's the name he was bestowed when he came of age? I dunno, lets skip ahead and find out!

Quote :

Sephiroth pulls his arms around Cloud and drags him over to him Cloud Strife says, "I don't care.. I don't wanna" Sephiroth says, "You really can't mean that..." Sephiroth raps one hand around Cloud's throat and squeezes some what Cloud Strife says, "...." Cloud Strife closes his eyes Sephiroth says, "you fell pain from this... is this worth not sucking me off?" Cloud Strife nods Sephiroth takes his hand away from Cloud's throat and raps it around the younger man's cock...

So far there's been a decent amount of effort on Cloud's part to stop this crazy rape train. And for that I applaud him, for being one brave little toaster Soldier and standing up for his rights to be left alone. Too bad the Author can't hear his pleas to stop this fic! But, it does bemuse me to wonder since when did Sephiroth learn to rap? I can't help but envision him with the neck chains, droopy pants and wife beater, a hat turned every which way but right and him beat boxing in the front lobby of ShinRa's main office. Maybe that's really where the madness started, all stemming from a drive-by gone wrong and now he's out to settle the score. Or maybe torching Nibelheim was just to up his street cred? Heck, maybe that's how he learned to express how misunderstood he felt.

Oh wait, he'd be screaming Linkin Park if that were the case.

Quote :

Cloud Strife whimpers Sephiroth takes his pants the rest of the way off Sephiroth says, "Come now... " Cloud Strife says, "No! I want my momma.... "

I think we all might by now.

Quote :

Cloud Strife nods sadly ... his body having responded where his mind won't Sephiroth keeps his hands on the floor, grinning as he thrusts again and again into Cloud Cloud Strife begins to sob softly Cloud Strife . o O ( it hurts.... why was I brought here? what did I do... I wanna go home... )

Aww damn, shattered that small expectation!! And even one-upped it to include thoughts in parentheses!!! Or is it... oh GOD, THOSE ARE THOUGHT BUBBLES!

Quote :

Cloud Strife says, "yes.... why am I here?" Sephiroth says, "you were here to be my sex toy... and I must say.. after I got you to behave you were quite good" Cloud Strife says, "How.... why?" Sephiroth says, "I don't know... they just brought you for my pleasure"

BECAUSE ACTUALLY THINKING OUT A VALID REASON OTHER THAN POOF-MAGIC WOULD BE TOO MUCH TO ASK. Also, I think maybe it's because he had a hit set out on Shin-Ra Senior if he didn't produce. Well. At least that's how I liked to play the game, made it much more entertaining as a gang war.

Quote :

Sephiroth hugs him in a way that makes him seem like some one else other then the guy that just fucked him Cloud Strife leans into the hug Sephiroth says, "shhh... I know how much it hurts... I was 10... much younger and smaller then you... it hurts.. but it feels good after a time" Cloud Strife says, "I don't want it to feel good.... I wanna go home" Sephiroth says, "I wasn't talking about now... I meant the next time some one does this it will feel better.. trust me"

*drum roll* Ladies and Gentlemen, let us give a nice warm welcome to our first expletive! *general applause knob is turned up then down* Also, I wonder if chameleon!hug is a materia or a learned skill ability? Also do I smell the seelding starts to a sequel? Oh if only I was a good girl and could ask for that for Christmas!! ...not.

Quote :

"We are all toys to the ultimate puppet master" Cloud Strife whimpers Cloud Strife says, "....."

I can't help but parrot poor Cloud Strife Whimpers-Squirms. But I also can't help but not hear Alex Whitaker's line "I had this dream and I came here to make sure it didn't come true." But then that's really where the nightmare begins, isn't it?

The constant use of Cloud's full name makes me think of that Half-Life Marty Stu fic.

lovedless wrote:

Quote :

Sephiroth pulls his arms around Cloud and drags him over to him Cloud Strife says, "I don't care.. I don't wanna" Sephiroth says, "You really can't mean that..." Sephiroth raps one hand around Cloud's throat and squeezes some what Cloud Strife says, "...." Cloud Strife closes his eyes Sephiroth says, "you fell pain from this... is this worth not sucking me off?" Cloud Strife nods Sephiroth takes his hand away from Cloud's throat and raps it around the younger man's cock...

So far there's been a decent amount of effort on Cloud's part to stop this crazy rape train. And for that I applaud him, for being one brave little toaster Soldier and standing up for his rights to be left alone. Too bad the Author can't hear his pleas to stop this fic! But, it does bemuse me to wonder since when did Sephiroth learn to rap? I can't help but envision him with the neck chains, droopy pants and wife beater, a hat turned every which way but right and him beat boxing in the front lobby of ShinRa's main office. Maybe that's really where the madness started, all stemming from a drive-by gone wrong and now he's out to settle the score. Or maybe torching Nibelheim was just to up his street cred? Heck, maybe that's how he learned to express how misunderstood he felt.

No, no, you're missing the point. He was beat boxing USING Cloud's cock. He'd sound something like a mix between a Murloc and those guys who "sing" by screaming with the microphone IN their mouths.

I want to know how someone fells pain. Is that like felling a tree? If so, Cloud needs to tell me how so I can stop the pain from reading just what you've quoted. Oh GODS, make it stop. *facepalm*

Solitia wrote:

lovedless wrote:

Quote :

Sephiroth pulls his arms around Cloud and drags him over to him Cloud Strife says, "I don't care.. I don't wanna" Sephiroth says, "You really can't mean that..." Sephiroth raps one hand around Cloud's throat and squeezes some what Cloud Strife says, "...." Cloud Strife closes his eyes Sephiroth says, "you fell pain from this... is this worth not sucking me off?" Cloud Strife nods Sephiroth takes his hand away from Cloud's throat and raps it around the younger man's cock...

So far there's been a decent amount of effort on Cloud's part to stop this crazy rape train. And for that I applaud him, for being one brave little toaster Soldier and standing up for his rights to be left alone. Too bad the Author can't hear his pleas to stop this fic! But, it does bemuse me to wonder since when did Sephiroth learn to rap? I can't help but envision him with the neck chains, droopy pants and wife beater, a hat turned every which way but right and him beat boxing in the front lobby of ShinRa's main office. Maybe that's really where the madness started, all stemming from a drive-by gone wrong and now he's out to settle the score. Or maybe torching Nibelheim was just to up his street cred? Heck, maybe that's how he learned to express how misunderstood he felt.

No, no, you're missing the point. He was beat boxing USING Cloud's cock. He'd sound something like a mix between a Murloc and those guys who "sing" by screaming with the microphone IN their mouths.

I want to know how someone fells pain. Is that like felling a tree? If so, Cloud needs to tell me how so I can stop the pain from reading just what you've quoted. Oh GODS, make it stop. *facepalm*

So THAT'S what those guys are doing with their mic-free hand! I always sort of thought it was some kind of gestural dance move or something, but really it's that they're mimicking a hand job!!

lovedless wrote:

Quote :

Sephiroth puts one hand around Cloud's neck and pulls him close to his face... grinning slightly Sephiroth says, "You're mine" Sephiroth forces a deep kiss on him Cloud Strife says, "!!!" Sephiroth grins at him. Pushes him down to the floor and pins him there... moving his shirt up Cloud Strife says, "stop!" Sephiroth goes down and starts to suck on one of Cloud's nipples as he pins him to the floor Cloud Strife Whimpers Sephiroth continues with the nipple till it becomes a hard point then moves to the other one Sephiroth says, "you might actually like this at some point... but for now you have to do what I say" Cloud Strife Squirms a little

But now I'm a little confused. I thought Cloud's last name was Strife, not his middle name. I must say Whimpers is a good surname, but then it changes to Squirms. Maybe he's got one of those hyphenated names so it's really Whimper-Squirms? OH!! Does this mean Cloud's got some kind of Native American ancestry and that's the name he was bestowed when he came of age?

Cloud's spirit-guide is a baby.

I suppose we can only be happy Sephiroth doesn't have a last name, since I'm sure Laura would've kept repeating it as well.

I dunno, though. Cloud Strife Whimpers-Squirms sounds less Native American, and more like what you get when a snooty rich British couple marry and insist on hyphenating their names.

Which is, in and of itself, amazing; since as near as I recall, the Planet had no United Kingdom. And the closest they got to Native Americans were Nanaki's people.

Sheba wrote:

Cloud's spirit-guide is a baby.

Ya know, that actually makes sense. Which frightens me in ways I'd prefer not to contemplate.

I know what you mean.

XD And now I can't stop picturing Rapping!Sephiroth. DAMN YOUUUUU!!