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 Sequel to the Count if Monte Cristo. Maybe.

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Blooferlady
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Sporkbender
Blooferlady

Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 29
Location : In your closet

Sequel to the Count if Monte Cristo.  Maybe. Empty
PostSubject: Sequel to the Count if Monte Cristo. Maybe.   Sequel to the Count if Monte Cristo.  Maybe. EmptyWed Jun 10, 2009 6:59 pm

I was planning on snarking this when a crazy bomb hit the House, so I'll kick off the new forum with this...gem.

I found this on a whim to look for bad Count of Monte Cristo fics. And wow, it's special.

Upon clicking the link, I found myself faced with a WALL OF TEXT. No, not even that. More like a WALL OF TEXT. I can only assume that this girl's enter and tab key were viciously ripped from her keyboard.

Nothing distinguishes the chapter title from the next sentence. So we get this:
Quote :
Chapter One: The End Of The Ordinary Ding, Ding, Ding... The soft chime of the bell rang slowly through the streets of Hollows Eve, New York.
This is the end of the ordinary ding ding ding. Get ready for some extraordinary ding ding ding.


Quote :
Amelia Mozart walked down the street, her eyes looking around the place cautiously, making sure she was not followed, her pale face filled with worry. Voices kept echoing in her mind, oh, how she wished she could erase all of them away.
GET OUT OF MY HEAD LEAVE MY BRAIN ALONE!

Quote :
"She's crazy, I heard her mom's a nutcase too," Amelia stopped suddenly, breathless from the running.
Random voice from nowhere. Also, she was walking. It was stated in the previous sentence. If you thought there might be even a little continuity, you were wrong.

So her dad is dead and she lives with her mom.
Quote :


"Amy, is that you? Oh, your father's home, and he's going to take us to the theaters tonight, isn't that such a nice treat for both of us?" came her mother's voice from her bedroom.
Ah, I see her mom thinks her dad is still alive. I guess that's the crazy.

Quote :
She looked at her mother, who was frail and pale, went to sleep again.
Amelia was, unfortunately, stricken with sever narcolepsy that could hit at any moment.

Quote :
She sat on the bed, and looked into the mirror in front of her. A 16 year old girl with long black hair that reached passed her shoulder stared back at her, with honey brown eyes.
Hello cliched reflection description. We meet again.

Quote :
She remembered what happened a couple of days ago... those men with black suits... how suspicious they look... "Mrs. Mozart, we need to talk to you about your old family's will." one of them said in a French accent.
Did... did he just appear in her room? Or is this a flash back? What is going on!?

Quote :
"Have you carried them out?" asked another one. "My... will?" her mother asked, puzzled. "Yes, your will." he said, looking at her dangerously.
"Because you could die. At any second. But your sudden and completely unforeseen death definitely wouldn't have anything to do with us."

Quote :
Amelia, who was standing behind the door quietly, felt frightened for her mother. "My husband's upstairs. Would you like to have a cup of tea?" her mother said, her illness taking over. "Apparently, this woman is a freak." Amelia heard one of them whispered, and she felt very angry.
ALL SHE WANTED TO DO WAS SERVE YOU TEA. IS THAT SO BAD? IS THAT A CRIME NOW?

So her mom and her get invited to this dinner at a hotel with the rest of their family. By the men in black suits who are definitely not villians.

Quote :
Her mother turned to look at her, the dazed look on her face was still there. "I'm fine, Amy. It's a pity they cant stay for tea. Papa was very excited." * * *
*** What is this. What is that even supposed to mean. I don't know.

Quote :
Amelia wore a simple white dress and tied her hair into a ponytail before setting off to the Golden Horses Hotel. She felt excited to see her aunts, uncles and probably cousins for the first time. She wondered what were they like, and whether they were nice or not. She decided not to bring her mother since she was not... well enough.
She goes all by herself because that is a GOOD IDEA.

Quote :
She touched the barrette that was pinned on the pocket of her dress, the golden barrette that her father gave her, and tried to get more self assurance.
SIMBOLISM? IS IT IMPORTANT? We may never know.

Quote :
To her surprise, her family was seated, looking serious and intense. None of her little cousins were there and she saw many men with black suits.
DUN DUN DUUUN! We never saw that one coming.

Quote :
"You must be Amelia," said the old man at the head of the table, getting up. He smiled at her warmly and hugged her. "We're very happy to see you here." "Who... who are you?" Amelia asked awkwardly. "I suppose your parents had never told you about your own family," the old man said. "I am your grandfather, child. Please, take a sit."
"I will trust you instantly."

Quote :
Everyone was so quiet, so serious, and they all seemed depressed... or something like that.
Or it could have been bloodlust. It's so hard to tell the two apart.

Quote :
She had no appetite, and she had a strange feeling--a feeling that something strange was going on.
Gee I wonder.

Quote :
She was about to bit it, when the big oak door burst opened and her mother came in, her face white with fury. "Don't kill my daughter!" she screamed. "Mother! What are you doing here?" Amelia asked, dropping her fork and running up towards her mother. She looked mad and angry, and she pointed at Amelia's grandfather. " You. you murderer! Richard told me about you!" she spluttered. Her grand father stood up, looking calmly at the woman who was at the edge of insanity, and smiled. It wasn't a kind smile. "Richard was a fool." He whispered dangerously. He took out a gun, and shot Amelia's mother.
DUUUUN! DUN DUN DUN DUUUN! I NEVER SAW IT COMING.

Quote :
"MOTHER!" Amelia cried. She stared at her mother, whose blood was all over the floor. She stared at the pale face, knowing that she would never get to see her mother smile and hug her again. Amelia sat on the floor suddenly. It was all too sudden--all too fast--what was going on? Amelia was confused. questions kept popping up in her head. Why did her mother come? How did she know?
Odd, because usually the first thought that would run through your head when your mom is shot in front of you is "OH MY GOD YOU SHOT MY MOM. OH MY GOD."

Quote :
"You're about to die, Amelia. Haven't you got anything to say?" her grand father asked. "Yes." Amelia said defiantly. "Go to Hell." The old man was about to pull the trigger, but to her surprise, he slumped on the floor, and so did the others. Some kind of gas was floating around the hall, making Amelia herself blurry.
You would have thought they would have noticed the gas sooner. I guess they're just as oblivious as Amelia.

Quote :
She felt her body go limp, and as she dropped to the floor, someone caught her, but she could not tell who it was, for she was falling asleep. * * *
DUN DUN DUUUUN DUN DUN! WHO COULD HER MISTERIOUS SAVIOR BE?! And those stupid asterics are back. :x

Quote :
"It took me a long time to get her out of that hotel," Amelia heard voices. but who was it?
Look, I don't, so don't ask me.

Now she's headed for New Jersey. For some unexplained reason. As far as I can tell, this has nothing to do with The Count of Monte Cristo. The word Count is mentioned once. That's it.

There is no second chapter, so you'll never know who her misterious savior is. Pity.
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fishstickhater
Sporkbender
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Join date : 2009-06-12
Age : 31

Sequel to the Count if Monte Cristo.  Maybe. Empty
PostSubject: Re: Sequel to the Count if Monte Cristo. Maybe.   Sequel to the Count if Monte Cristo.  Maybe. EmptyFri Jun 12, 2009 1:32 pm

All I can say is... wut. How does this fic come even remotely close to being related to The Count of Monte Cristo? scratch
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