The Empty Vessel/Tel' Lindar

Sporkbender Join date : 2010-10-01 Age : 42

The Empty Vessel
Classic Mary Sue badfic that inspired some forum wank. I have a back burner project I kind of whittle on off and on that has some aspects from Welsh lore and these stories are why I can't use the name "Bronwyn" at all.

Anyway, Bronwyn is some kind of Mary Sue bard who falls into Middle Earth and is known as The Empty Vessel as in

Quote :: "Stand firm. Become the empty vessel. The water comes to fill you. Stand firm."

and

Quote :: "You are Bronwyn Morgan ap Powell. You are the Historian of the first Three Ages, the Storyteller of the Races, the Protector and Seer of the Future, the Musician of the All, the Voice of the Unheard, the Keeper of the Truth and of the Innocent. You are to be the Founder and Mother of the Celtic Bards. You are the Last Empty Vessel and when you become filled, you are to be the Bard of Middle Earth."

Oh God no. Never mind that "ap" means "son of."

Anyway, she runs around Middle Earth introducing everyone to modern music and marrying Haldir and having his babbies and blahblahblah.

Random passage:

Quote :: "They are beauties! Orophin, have you ever seen such a proud set on a she-Elf?"

Haldir looked at Orophin. He was gauging the size with his hands. Both hands. For one breast. "I have heard it said that more than a mouthful is too much." He tilted his head. "Who ever said that was a Dwarf!"

Rumil chimed in. "Oh, to smother in those!!!"

Orophin smiled. "The masses she could feed!"

Haldir clasped her to him and hissed. "You fools! Have some respect." He looked around and pointed. "Hand me that cloth!"

"Brother, you are going to need more than one to cover those!" Rumil's mirth was evident and Orophin's was close to breaking, although he attempted to sound serious. "Why cover them? Beauty such as that should not be hidden!"

Haldir glared and reached over for a large sheet. Orophin stopped him and gestured.

"Look. The tips are not rosy. They are-"

"Brown." Rumil finished for him. "They are brown."

Whew!

There's a sequel and I'm making that another post.

Sporkbender Join date : 2010-10-01 Age : 42

Tel' Lindar (The Bard)
This one's suddenly a Harry Potter crossover. Mary Sue hangs out with Snape a lot.

Mary Sue bard inspired a great deal of artists and some other really random people. Somehow.

Quote :: Aristotle. Edith of Swan. Merlin. Caesar Augustus. Turlough O'Carolan. Cleopatra. Mozart. Michaelangelo. Arthur. Liszt. Poe. Columbus. Gandhi. Vivaldi. William the Conqueror. Shakespeare. Chopin. Merlin. Joan of Arc. Teleman. Henry VIII. Thomas Jefferson, Socrates. Morgaine. Abraham Lincoln.

The Storyteller.

All were hers, come down from hers and Haldir's lineage. Children of their son Beckett and of their daughter Anselm. For thousands of years, her children, their children, had forged paths and guided man. And she had been their voice, the whisper in the ear, their conscious, their Storyteller.

Oh yeah, and you know why LOTR exists at all?

Quote :: She had been the one to slowly whisper the history of all Middle Earth into the ears of her child. It had started when he was very young.

"John, John, my child. Harken to my words..."

And he had. And he wrote. And he told the world of the ancient Elves, still beautiful, still angelic, still very much alive.

No one believed the stories were real.

Yeah, really.
In chapter 15, she rants about GAFF.

Quote :: By the time he had turned around, she was standing back up. She picked up the closest newspaper. "Let's see who you are, Madam reporter." She took a minute to focus on the small name in print. "Gaffy D. Eleterius."

Good times. Good times.

Anyway, that's all I'm posting because I don't really have anything clever to say. I was just sad this story hadn't come up.

Subject: Re: The Empty Vessel/Tel' Lindar Sun Mar 13, 2011 12:27 pm

My God, I remember this one. I was just getting into the world of fandom insanity back when the drama went down on Deleterius, and while I didn't post then, I rather wish I had. The author's friends turned out in force, bashing out TL;DR posts proclaiming that everyone was jealous, immature, and had violated LJ's ToS by posting Zee's personal information (actually the info that she was in her thirties, had one son, and was a music major, something that was apparently as good for finding her IRL as an SSN--and which she had already posted on a semipublic Yahoo group). For the curious, it's all here.

Sporkbender Join date : 2010-10-01 Age : 42

Oh, thanks for that. I totally forgot she included a conversation about not being a Mary Sue.

Quote :: Haldir's eyebrows furrowed together. "A Mary Sue? What is a Mary Sue?" Bronwyn sighed.

"In my world, a Mary Sue is a character written to be either totally helpless and insipid, perfect, or Xena, Warrior Princess."

Haldir's eyes never left the landscape. "And who is this Xena Warrior Princess?"

Bronwyn's arms tucked tighter around him, their babe jostling between them. "Xena doesn't need anybody. She has awesome sword skills, this round blade that she throws and she yells ‘Ayiaiaiaiaiaiaia' !" Haldir scrunched his eyes in pain at the pitch she produced.

"You are no Mary Sue, Baraer. You are no Xena..."

"Duh!"

"You are not perfect..."

She punched him.

"And, you are not helpless."

She sniffed. "I feel helpless."

"You FEEL pregnant."

Subject: Re: The Empty Vessel/Tel' Lindar Mon Mar 14, 2011 6:42 pm

To quote M. Bison: "This is delicious!"

Seriously wish I had been around for this mess.

And for anyone else new to this, I spoiler'd the 'Gaffy D. Eleterius' bit for amusement:

Spoiler:

What a class act.

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