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 My I.Q. It's dead, Jim.

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JizzMasterZero
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JizzMasterZero

Join date : 2010-09-10
Location : Mianus

My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. Empty
PostSubject: My I.Q. It's dead, Jim.   My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. EmptyMon Oct 11, 2010 4:41 am

Sometimes you can find a good Star Trek fic, and sometimes.. unwritten is better. This would have been better had it never been written.

Juniors Is a fic Where people yell a bunch of things, and I think the author was on too much 'LDS' as they wrote it.

Lets begin.

Quote :
silly random teenagers who helped run the this day,the crew was noticing many quotes from Monty Python and the holy grail among the teens.
Yes. This seems quite logical already.

Quote :
"Interesting"the Vulcan the 2 humans tried to explain media to a Vulcan,the juniors where having a poker game."Ill raise you 2 laffy taffeys,for 3 butterfingers,and a jolly ranger"
A Jolly Ranger?
In the future, trucks are quite jolly.


Quote :
"MARK!"Kira screamed in tackled him."Ouff"He grunted."What?HE groaned."Where stopping at a station"She told him."WE CAN GET MORE CANDY!"She yelped(candy is there money equivalence.)"Great"He rolled his eyes."Now will you get of me?"Kira nodded and lept of his ran back to the infirmary."Dam mark ,just ask her out."He muttered.(OHHHHHHHHHHH!)
...............snap?

Quote :
Te Enterprise was facing cabin had happened in nearly 4 was fiddling with her ipod.
......what does that MEAN?? Nearly 4?? WHO IS NEARLY 4?
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Quote :

Mark was laying on of the hospital beds,

All of them.
Quote :
and trowing a ball up in ,well Teddie had fallen crew wasn't much was staring into had found a Rubix cube,and was fiddling around with and Sulu where talking about video was the only one who was focused.
scratch

Quote :
"Mark got up,stretched and walked over to bones."A Rubix cube!"he cried."So cool!" Bones sighed."Cant solve the dam thing."
Well lets hope not. We don't need Pinhead on the ship, causing even more mass confusion.

Quote :
"Spock took it,and in 2 minutes,had finished it.(every ones faces O_O)
O__________________________O

Quote :
"She hit paused,and l0ooked at him."
I know for a fact that Kirk likes being l0ooked at.

I'm going to end here, as I feel everyone should have the chance to try and make out what's going on in this story, because I sure can't.
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The Scientist
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The Scientist

Join date : 2010-10-05
Location : Under Strangeland's Iron Sea

My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. Empty
PostSubject: Re: My I.Q. It's dead, Jim.   My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. EmptyMon Oct 11, 2010 4:52 am

This doesn't make any sense at all. Like...none. Whatsoever.

Even My Immortal made more sense than this fic.

Interesting, however. Do you think it would be more readable if I weren't hung over? The mind boggles.

Quote :
3 WEEKS LATER!

CAPSLOCK! Scene change. I like this already.

Quote :
(i am taking this from twilight's of the plot devices belong to the authors.I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!)

This is supposed to make me carry on reading, right? scratch


Also, more SHOUTING ANNOUNCEMENTS!!!!!!

Doesn't the author realise how rude this is?

I am missing the lulz factor here, though. Sadly.
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Alhazred
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Join date : 2009-07-21

My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. Empty
PostSubject: Re: My I.Q. It's dead, Jim.   My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. EmptyMon Oct 11, 2010 5:11 am

Why the hell are random words underlined? Is it for emphasis? Why is underlining being used for emphasis when there is egregious abuse of capslock through ninety-percent of the...document...thing?

Quote :
Te Enterprise was facing cabin had happened in nearly 4 was fiddling with her ipod.Mark was laying on of the hospital beds,and trowing a ball up in ,well Teddie had fallen crew wasn't much was staring into had found a Rubix cube,and was fiddling around with and Sulu where talking about video was the only one who was focused."Damit!Bones cursed loudly."Mark got up,stretched and walked over to bones."A Rubix cube!"he cried."So cool!" Bones sighed."Cant solve the dam thing."He flips it over."Lets bring it up to the deck,see if they can figure it out."He yawned."Ya,wanted to talked to Kira"Mark raised an eyebrow. Kids gettin serious the doctor walked onto the deck(whats it called again?total brain freeze.)Hey Jim"Bones said,startling Kirk."Wait wha...?"The captain blabbered,and jumped two feet in the air."Smooth"Kira smiled, and blushed when she saw mark."Brought ya amusement"Bones smirked."A Rubix cube!"Kirk gasped,looking at the article in awe."Okay i call dibs after Kirk!"Teddie yelled."Dam you!"Kira yelled back."I don wanna talked to you no more you-NI!"Teddie was cut of short by Kira exclaiming Ni."NO!He cringed,and crawled under his chair "Muhahahaha!"Kira smirked."Teddie crawled out from under his chair."Alrighty,so Kira gets a try,then Teddie"Mark said,making a list."anyone else?"e asked."I'll have a go"Checkov yawned."Right"Mark grinned"Contestants shall only have 10 minutes tops to finish the Rubix shall be ranked by how far they get."Every one nodded,and gathered around Kirk."Begin NOW!"Mark ex;aimed,and Kirk began to solve the Rubix 10 minutes,Kirk had only gotten one side complete."Time!"Mark annouced."DAm"Kirk swore handed the cube to Kira,and she madly twisted her 10 minutes where up,she had only got 2 sides complete,and 1 4th of was next,and barley got 1 checkov tried,and got 3 sides complete."It is unsolvable!"Kira exclaimed."Spock took it,and in 2 minutes,had finished it.(every ones faces O_O)How...did you...do that!"Kira exclaimed!"It is a simple equation of a children

Use the enter key! It's right there, begging to separate different speakers during dialog! Why are they being tested with a Rubik's Cube? Is that even what's going on? For the love of god, what is the first sentence of this paragraph attempting to convey?

Quote :
(i am taking this from twilight's of the plot devices belong to the authors.I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!)

...what? Is...is the author trying to say she's borrowing plot-devices from Twiight? What else can we possibly parse out from this line?

Quote :
(i am taking this from twilight's of the plot devices belong to the authors.I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!)

Quote :
(i am taking this from twilight's of the plot devices belong to the authors.I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!)

Quote :
(i am taking this from twilight's of the plot devices belong to the authors.I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!)

Quote :
(i am taking this from twilight's of the plot devices belong to the authors.I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!)



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JizzMasterZero
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Join date : 2010-09-10
Location : Mianus

My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. Empty
PostSubject: Re: My I.Q. It's dead, Jim.   My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. EmptyMon Oct 11, 2010 5:20 am

The Scientist wrote:
This doesn't make any sense at all. Like...none. Whatsoever.

Even My Immortal made more sense than this fic.

Interesting, however. Do you think it would be more readable if I weren't hung over? The mind boggles.

I haven't drank any alcohol in two weeks and I still have no idea what its saying.


Last edited by JizzMasterZero on Mon Oct 11, 2010 5:29 am; edited 1 time in total
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Harley Quinn hyenaholic
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My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. Empty
PostSubject: Re: My I.Q. It's dead, Jim.   My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. EmptyMon Oct 11, 2010 5:26 am

I never drank any alcohol EVER and I have no idea what it's saying.

I think she may be trying to make us laugh.
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https://www.fanfiction.net/~breechloader
The Scientist
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Join date : 2010-10-05
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My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. Empty
PostSubject: Re: My I.Q. It's dead, Jim.   My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. EmptyMon Oct 11, 2010 6:25 am

Who, me or the author? I'm not.

Ironically, there is an ENT episode named Twilight, but obviously the author of this masterpiece is not referring to that one.

Wouldn't make a difference. It makes zero sense regardless.
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EileenK98
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My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. Empty
PostSubject: Re: My I.Q. It's dead, Jim.   My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. EmptyMon Oct 11, 2010 7:10 am

It's like the author's word processing program ate the odd word here and there. Why, I have no idea. Trying to eliminate it bite by bite, is my guess. Pity it couldn't have devoured the whole thing.
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Adagio
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PostSubject: Re: My I.Q. It's dead, Jim.   My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. EmptyMon Oct 11, 2010 10:51 am

Actually, I was thinking it's more like she wrote everything out, and then cut up all the sentences and jumbled them together, only some bits got lost along the way, so it ended up like one huge tumor of WHARRGARBL.

Also, good snark. I lol'd. *thumbsup*
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Anon
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PostSubject: Re: My I.Q. It's dead, Jim.   My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. EmptyMon Oct 11, 2010 11:33 am

EileenK98 wrote:
It's like the author's word processing program ate the odd word here and there. Why, I have no idea. Trying to eliminate it bite by bite, is my guess. Pity it couldn't have devoured the whole thing.
Bite by bite? I'd like to see that. Most computers would devour data byte by byte, but your way sounds far more interesting.
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your mom
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My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. Empty
PostSubject: Re: My I.Q. It's dead, Jim.   My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. EmptyMon Oct 11, 2010 2:09 pm

I think I laughed hardest at your usage of the Third Doctor, there, but that's because I'm a total dork.

Quote :
Okay,i had an idea,where kids go on the this is shall be in is a rough draft for my BEAR WITH ME!

Oh. WELL. That certainly excuses all the mistakes she's made. It's a rough draft. SILLY ME.
I wonder what sort of bear it is, because some of those things you don't want to mess with. If it likes fanfiction it must be somewhat domesticated, but still.



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5582

5582

Join date : 2010-08-28

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PostSubject: Re: My I.Q. It's dead, Jim.   My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. EmptyMon Oct 11, 2010 4:17 pm

What's disturbing is the fact that the author's earliest story is much more readable. It's like their ability to write has deteriorated over time.
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Alhazred
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PostSubject: Re: My I.Q. It's dead, Jim.   My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. EmptyMon Oct 11, 2010 4:32 pm

Which makes me think "troll," as if they realized the old stuff wasn't bad enough to get attention, but even if it is, it's so godawfully (masterfully?) done that it wouldn't make it any better.

What's really great are the reviews on the earlier story.

Quote :
not bad mate keep writing. but be sure you reread before you put it up cuz u gots some misakes. good luck writing.


Whooo! i like this. can't wait for future capters! Thanks-Kat

What.
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EileenK98
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My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. Empty
PostSubject: Re: My I.Q. It's dead, Jim.   My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. EmptyMon Oct 11, 2010 5:17 pm

Alhazred wrote:
Which makes me think "troll," as if they realized the old stuff wasn't bad enough to get attention, but even if it is, it's so godawfully (masterfully?) done that it wouldn't make it any better.

What's really great are the reviews on the earlier story.

Quote :
not bad mate keep writing. but be sure you reread before you put it up cuz u gots some misakes. good luck writing.


Whooo! i like this. can't wait for future capters! Thanks-Kat

What.

(Bolding mine.) Pot, meet kettle.
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JizzMasterZero
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My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. Empty
PostSubject: Re: My I.Q. It's dead, Jim.   My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. EmptyTue Oct 12, 2010 6:41 am

5582 wrote:
What's disturbing is the fact that the author's earliest story is much more readable. It's like their ability to write has deteriorated over time.

Do you mean this story? Because if so, although it is actually readable this time... It's still downright idiotic.
Example for those who don't want to read it:
Quote :
Thumper, my ghost cat leaped onto the table. He died a little after the move to England. He came back as a ghost and can talk.

It's rather fascinating how she stopped giving a fuck entirely about anything writing related.
So my conclusion is: Either she had a beta reader for her earlier works, and maybe its another My Immortal case, in which the beta reader stole her sweater or something, or, its a troll, trying their very best to troll, without realizing they may need to delete the comprehensible stories before writing like a 2 year old who's just gotten their hands on a keyboard with an already opened Word document.
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5582

5582

Join date : 2010-08-28

My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. Empty
PostSubject: Re: My I.Q. It's dead, Jim.   My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. EmptyTue Oct 12, 2010 9:54 am

JizzMasterZero wrote:

Do you mean this story? Because if so, although it is actually readable this time... It's still downright idiotic.

Yes, I had glanced through it briefly. All of their other stories still follow that sort of nonsensical, stream-of-consiousness type of writing; though are at least much easier on the eyes than that horrific clusterfuck of absolute nonsense that you had snarked.

Such a massive leap from bad to, holy-christ-make-it-stop-terrible could only be the work of yet another bored troll.

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Alhazred
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PostSubject: Re: My I.Q. It's dead, Jim.   My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. EmptyTue Oct 12, 2010 12:04 pm

Quote :
So my conclusion is: Either she had a beta reader for her earlier works, and maybe its another My Immortal case, in which the beta reader stole her sweater or something, or, its a troll

My guess is a little of both. She was honestly trying to be a wryter and had someone, somewhere tell her how awful the earlier stuff is, then threw a hissy fit along the lines of "WELL I'LL SHOW YOU I'LL WRITE SOMETHING AND NOT EVEN HAVE IT BETA'D AND WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT HAHAHAHAHAHA."
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My I.Q. It's dead, Jim. Empty
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