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 Tirion Fordring - legendary paladin of high morals

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Nevvy
Sporkbender
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Join date : 2009-06-30

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PostSubject: Tirion Fordring - legendary paladin of high morals   Tirion Fordring - legendary paladin of high morals EmptyTue Sep 28, 2010 12:25 pm

Okay, this is a bit of a cheat because the fic itself has been long taken down from the internet. I found the snark in an old file and decided to share it, however, as Tirion isn't a prominent character in WoW fanfic. This is probably due to the fact that even though he had a very prominent role in the events of Wrath of the Lich King, he is neither blood elf nor death knight.

Anyway, the fic had a bizarre enough twist to be given fifteen more minutes of life.

So let's start with a word from the author!

Quote :
im 14

D:

Quote :
and this is my first erotic writing thing

Why do the above facts make me feel dirty?

I pondered if this was touching on the One Rule, as this was apparently a self insert fantasy (the author used a picture of a half-dragon girl as an avatar, to boot). However, nothing is said about our main lead's age, so we can probably assume that she isn't underage even if the author is fantazising about herself and Tirion.

Tirion, by the way, is at the least pushing fifty.

Anyway, let's get on with the story!

Quote :
Seniagosa stood next to her love, eying him slightly as she snaked her tail around his leg.

Yes people, this author is turning Tirion into a furry scaly lover. Has the man not suffered enough? Granted she's only, eh, half-dragon-half-human but that doesn't make it that much better, now does it?

Quote :
“Senia, Right now isn’t the time.” He whispered to her softly. By this time our young dragon maiden was getting very annoyed at his ignoring her.

This is the end of our very first short paragraph. Man, she's impatient. And judging by what Tirion tells her, I sort of doubt that part about her being a maiden.

Quote :
“Tirion…please?” She moved to be in front of him, putting her hands on his shoulders, “It’s winter. It’s blue dragon mating season….”

Mating season used as an excuse for porn. Haven't ever seen that one before. Also that's a hilarious line if you know that blue dragons always inhabit cold, snowy parts of the world. Malygos is a pervy old dude, apparently.

Quote :
“Senia…” He said just before giving her a kiss, hopeful that she would stop bothering him for affection after that.

Who would ever expect that a kiss would make a horny dragon shut up and run along? Then again, I suppose that at the point where you're approached by a horny dragon you'll be willing to try just about anything to worm out of the situation.

Which reminds me of that site that sold fantasy dildoes meant to represent mystical beings' dongs. Anybody remember that? I think it was posted on orange GAFF or one of the earlier.

Quote :
Tirion was mistaken, Senia returned the kiss harder. At this point he decided it was just best to give in.

His will was weak and his chastity belt brittle.

Quote :
The dragon maiden started to remove her robe slowly, making Tirion have a slight lust in his eyes now.

No, dude, that's just an eyelash.

Quote :
He always loved her half-dragon form; he just never made moves on her sexually. Tirion was always busy with his duties for the Argent Crusade.

See, I told you that she was a half-transformed freak. Let's hope for his sake that her scales are reeeal smooth though.

Oh, and that mention of the Argent Crusade was the only bit of canon in the entire fic.

Sadly I didn't save any of the actual porn, but if memory serves it was extremely generic stuff that involved brief doggie-style before ending with dragon freakazette in Tirion's lap.

Quote :
A look of embarrassment came across Tirion’s face as he felt himself release his juice into Senia.

Author, you might want to know that Tirion used to be married and had a grown son, so him being this awkward about orgasming is pretty silly.

To the above comment, one of the commenters of the original snark wisely opined:
"Hey, I'm an adult and married and even I'd be embarrassed if I realized I'd just fucked a half dragon/human looking thing and had (evidently) enjoyed it."
Thank you for that, Rantysocks *tips hat*

Quote :
Senia looked in his eyes and giggled at him, leaning foreword and biting his neck, her teeth puncturing him.

Yaaay, bloodless bloodplay!

Quote :
Coming to a stop and licking his lips as she came as well,

Despite the comma, that's the end of that sentence. I have to give the author credit for at least not having them go "OOOOOOOAAAAAH IIIIIII'M COOOMIIIIING!" like they're running through an airport about to miss their flight. On the other hand, these orgasms really are anticlimatic in every sense of the word.

Quote :
“Tirion…I love you...” She said softly as she dismounted him and laid next to him, cuddling up to Tirion. Both of them flinging the blankets over each other and cuddling, falling asleep slowly.

A generic ending to a really pointless story.

This is one of those fics I'm sad to see gone from the 'net. Pointless, but incredibly silly and therefore memorable.
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Vilecat

Vilecat

Join date : 2010-09-24
Location : Great White North

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PostSubject: Re: Tirion Fordring - legendary paladin of high morals   Tirion Fordring - legendary paladin of high morals EmptyTue Sep 28, 2010 2:53 pm

With Tirion of all people? Someone who could be her grandfather? Tirion Fordring - legendary paladin of high morals 886522

I don't recall anything about dragons staying half transformed in the Warcraft Universe. Any dragon halfbreed are either Drakonids or Dragonspawns. Alexstrasza is the closest you'll get in term of looks and she's the leader of the Red Dragonflight, also called the Life-Binder because of her role in the world of Azeroth. Every other dragon is hidden under a high/blood elf appearance, or more rarely like what's-his-face in Sunwell, a human form. Draeneis are closer to what the author is picturing. Space Goats!

That's all speculating without looking at canon. This... All... :mindblown:

Yeah I'm a WC/WoW fag, but for my defense I can't stand playing Blood Elves.
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Braigwen
Why yes, I am a Rocket Scientist!
Why yes, I am a Rocket Scientist!
Braigwen

Join date : 2009-06-14
Age : 40
Location : Punching Udina.

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PostSubject: Re: Tirion Fordring - legendary paladin of high morals   Tirion Fordring - legendary paladin of high morals EmptyTue Sep 28, 2010 3:06 pm

In B4 Cyberwulf. Colbert
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XLT-100852.0
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
XLT-100852.0

Join date : 2010-07-18
Age : 28
Location : interwebs

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PostSubject: Re: Tirion Fordring - legendary paladin of high morals   Tirion Fordring - legendary paladin of high morals EmptyTue Sep 28, 2010 4:03 pm

Vilecat wrote:
Yeah I'm a WC/WoW fag, but for my defense I can't stand playing Blood Elves.

Old School Horde 4 life, mon!
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Somath Cegem
Wonderfully English
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Somath Cegem

Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 34
Location : Land of Burning Spirit

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PostSubject: Re: Tirion Fordring - legendary paladin of high morals   Tirion Fordring - legendary paladin of high morals EmptyTue Sep 28, 2010 4:17 pm

Vilecat wrote:
Every other dragon is hidden under a high/blood elf appearance, or more rarely like what's-his-face in Sunwell, a human form.

My favourite NPC would like to disagree with your statement.
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saeku
Fapmaster
Fapmaster


Join date : 2009-06-10

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PostSubject: Re: Tirion Fordring - legendary paladin of high morals   Tirion Fordring - legendary paladin of high morals EmptyTue Sep 28, 2010 5:16 pm

Nevvy wrote:
Quote :
“Tirion…please?” She moved to be in front of him, putting her hands on his shoulders, “It’s winter. It’s blue dragon mating season….”

Mating season used as an excuse for porn. Haven't ever seen that one before. Also that's a hilarious line if you know that blue dragons always inhabit cold, snowy parts of the world. Malygos is a pervy old dude, apparently.
Have you seen Malygos's humanoid form? I'd be okay if he was in permanent mating season myself.
Hottest raid boss in WotLK prove me wrong

Nevvy wrote:
Quote :
“Senia…” He said just before giving her a kiss, hopeful that she would stop bothering him for affection after that.

Who would ever expect that a kiss would make a horny dragon shut up and run along? Then again, I suppose that at the point where you're approached by a horny dragon you'll be willing to try just about anything to worm out of the situation.

Which reminds me of that site that sold fantasy dildoes meant to represent mystical beings' dongs. Anybody remember that? I think it was posted on orange GAFF or one of the earlier.
Never gets old.
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Yorokobi

Yorokobi

Join date : 2009-09-19
Age : 32

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PostSubject: Re: Tirion Fordring - legendary paladin of high morals   Tirion Fordring - legendary paladin of high morals EmptyTue Sep 28, 2010 5:49 pm

Quote :
Which reminds me of that site that sold fantasy dildoes meant to represent mystical beings' dongs. Anybody remember that? I think it was posted on orange GAFF or one of the earlier.

By any chance was it this site? They've changed the layout since I last looked at it, but they still have Thor, as well as their "fantasy" collection.
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Vilecat

Vilecat

Join date : 2010-09-24
Location : Great White North

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PostSubject: Re: Tirion Fordring - legendary paladin of high morals   Tirion Fordring - legendary paladin of high morals EmptyTue Sep 28, 2010 7:03 pm

Somath Cegem wrote:
My favourite NPC would like to disagree with your statement.
OFC! How could I forget Chromie <3!
To be frank, I had forgotten dragonkins can turn into pretty much any humanoid, since they rarely turn into anything else than high elves or humans. Lorefail D:

Doesn't make this fic any less terrible.
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Happenstance
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Happenstance

Join date : 2009-11-27
Location : 221B

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PostSubject: Re: Tirion Fordring - legendary paladin of high morals   Tirion Fordring - legendary paladin of high morals EmptyTue Sep 28, 2010 10:06 pm

Chromie! :'D <3 It always makes me sad when we skip her narrations in the beginning of Culling of Stratholme on heroic.

But I am forever scarred by the fact that somewhere, a 14 year old wanted to have sex with Tirion Fordring. Ew.
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TheIan
Armbiter of Good Fanfiction
Armbiter of Good Fanfiction
TheIan

Join date : 2009-06-12
Location : Dining car on the Train of Time, DenLiner

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PostSubject: Re: Tirion Fordring - legendary paladin of high morals   Tirion Fordring - legendary paladin of high morals EmptyWed Sep 29, 2010 5:46 am

Happenstance wrote:
Chromie! :'D <3 It always makes me sad when we skip her narrations in the beginning of Culling of Stratholme on heroic.

But I am forever scarred by the fact that somewhere, a 14 year old wanted to have sex with Tirion Fordring. Ew.
I know, honestly. Hasn't the man been through enough? He was excommunicated for helping an Orc, then brought back into the Argent Dawn to lead it, began the Argent Crusade against the Lich King, and lost his old friend Bolvar at Wrathgate. Give the guy a break!
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Vilecat

Vilecat

Join date : 2010-09-24
Location : Great White North

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PostSubject: Re: Tirion Fordring - legendary paladin of high morals   Tirion Fordring - legendary paladin of high morals EmptyWed Sep 29, 2010 9:15 am

There's more related to Bolvar and him, but it's better if you see it yourself. Just check the fountain statue in Dalaran for epic cinematic.

And yeah I'm a bit sad about skipping Chromie too, but if it keeps us from waiting a good 5-7 minutes of Arthas being a douche (only thing I also miss skipping is Arthas killing the villager)...
Gotta love rush-pulling the gauntlet <3 :gigglefits:
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PostSubject: Re: Tirion Fordring - legendary paladin of high morals   Tirion Fordring - legendary paladin of high morals Empty

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