...a cookie to whoever gets the reference in my topic description...anyway...
...right, folks, I have been racking my brain for MONTHS trying to figure out how to jump into the lovely sporking to be had on WGW, but I finally figured out what to do: play to my strengths and write within my fandom.
I really love Chobits. Anyone out here love Chobits?
For those who don't know, Chobits is a manga created by CLAMP that was later turned into an anime about a guy named Hideki Motosuwa who lives in a world where androids with personal computer functionality called persocoms are widespread. He finds a mysterious one in the trash with no memory named Chii. He helps Chii get used to this mysterious world of ours, tries to figure out the mystery behind Chii's deactivated, wiped state, and along the way realizes she could be becoming more than just a companion, and definitely more than a computer...
(Off-topic, while I may be one of those lonely girlfriend-less types I still think a persocom would be great. You could at least always have a wingman during these sporkings...someone who can pay witness to what I see on some of these sites and say "yeah, it's real, I saw it too." Yeesh, sometimes...)
Anyway, lemme continue explaining this. Let me introduce one last person for the purpose of this sporking.
This guy is Shinbo Hiromu. He's Hideki's best friend. Seen here with his laptop persocom, Sumomo, he is Hideki's guide and companion to the world of persocoms and sticks with him as he tries to figure out Chii's past and what kind of future she may have.
So I'm hoping at least one of you anime/manga fandom-savvy people might know why I'm preparing this fresh dish of Japanese snark-o-nabe. For those who don't have an idea, CLAMP has a thing for boys love in their works. There's nothing wrong with this: there's Yue and Touya in Cardcaptor Sakura, there's Fai and Kurogane in Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle, there's things like that. Those are all fine. And since it's yaoi, it receives a lot of fangirl attention. Some good, because after all there are yaoi fans out there that have a functional frontal lobe, and most bad, because there are yaoi fans can't get past yaoi by itself and just go, well, "YAOI! SQUEEEEE---
" and there's no end to it.
Chobits is generally an exception because of, well, the way the story works.
- Spoiler:
To put it as concisely as possible, Hideki has eyes for Yumi, then for Chii, then for Yumi again, and it's pretty much solidly cemented by halfway through the series that Hideki is in love with Chii. And the series ends with him together with Chii. Cut, dried, that's a wrap.
Not...a lot of wiggle room for yaoi, considering everyone who we follow is more or less solidly confirmed straight in Chobits. And all the relationships are lovely, but that's my opinion.
...but like how you're going to find an unpopped kernel in every bag of popcorn, there's a yaoi fangirl in every fandom.
Enter prin1cess. I'm guessing either "pr1ncess" was already taken or she can't type "pr1ncess" right. I honestly took one look at the summaries of her other three stories and couldn't hit the back button fast enough. And enter her story...ahem..."sheenbo." I capitalized it in the title, she didn't. The story of yaoi lemon between Hideki and Shinbo that flows about as well as eating oatmeal with broken glass in it.
Oh yeah, and by the way, nobody's ever called Shinbo "Sheenbo." Never in the anime, never in the manga, and as far as I know, "Sheenbo" is just a really weird way to pronounce "Shinbo." There's no reason to call Shinbo "Sheenbo" unless you were having someone make fun of him in a fic of yours or something by calling him a baby name.
I'm at least reasonably sure she isn't a troll.
Reasonably.
I'm sporking the whole thing here because there is so little to this fic that sporking only some of it really wouldn't do it justice.
Anyway...let's take a look, shall we?
- Quote :
- This is my first Yaoi lemon so i'm sorry if its bad...this was to get out of writers BLOCK...
And we just HAD to publish it raw on the Intertubes, did we?
- Quote :
- KNOCK KNOCK!
'hey motosua whats up? I was in th neighborhood so I decided to stop by'
More than in the neighborhood, Shinbo's in the same apartment building as Hideki is. Right next door to his room.
- Quote :
- 'sheenbo you liar the power is out at your place so you wanted to crash here..am I right...?'
Shinbo: Uh, the power's out in your room too, we live in the same building, Motosuwa.
Hideki: ...oh right...that was some bad beer...
Shinbo: Gonna need the bathroom?
Hideki: I'll be right back. *urk*
- Quote :
- 'your smarter than I thought hideki'
'some best friend you are'
'oh I was only teasing you don't have to get upset all of a sudden'
'whatever'
'where's chi by the way?'
'miss manager is her "mom"(creator)so she went to live with her.. '
Hideki: In fact, I think I'll go get her. Hang on a sec, I'll go downstairs.
Okay, gotta say it again: THEY ALL LIVE IN THE SAME BUILDING! Chitose Hibiya is Hideki and Shimbo's landlady, and as the fic very briefly touches upon, created Chii. And if Chii went to live with Chitose, that means she's just a floor down now! That's not a very good way to shove the other main character of the story onto a bus carrying fridges with a bridge poised and ready to drop on it.
- Quote :
- 'and I thought you had a thing for her..'
'…'
Thanks, fellas. I'LL be pointing out the story inconsistencies, if you don't mind!
- Quote :
- 'check out this pervy video I got…wana watch it?'
'you bet!'
Shinbo: Because that's what we do because we're guys, right? Watch pervy videos?...yes? No? Any takers?
Hideki: ...you okay, Shinbo? Besides, the power's out!
I hope people see what I'm trying to do here in this sporking. Hideki and Shinbo don't need a yaoi relationship to still be two peas in a pod. I hope I'm doing this right; describing how their dynamic as two best buds would work if these dudes were written properly, if not even canon.
- Quote :
- 10 MINUITES INTO THE MOVIE
Aw, crud, the right typo and I could've made a classical music joke. I was trained as a pianist as a kid.
- Quote :
- 'I'm gonna take a shower…
'now?'
Shinbo: Yeah, because everyone knows I invite you to the bathhouse right after watching 10 minutes of a porno.
Hideki: *chortle*
- Quote :
- There was no reply he dashed off in a flash. when he reached the bathroom sheenbo was sweating he
knew it was a bad idea but somehow he couldn't stay away..he also didn't want to admit that he was in
love with his best friend
Okay, folks, HERE we go...
- Quote :
- had been Ever since they he there was Takako he thought he would be
able to hide his feelings by dating her but instead it awakened them even more and in the end they broke up.
...okay, okay...now I will admit this kind of a lack of knowledge of the character relationships in Chobits MIGHT be trolling, but still. Anyone experienced with Chobits would know that Shinbo has a thing for Takako Shimizu, the young teacher at the cram school he and Hideki go to. It gets more obvious as the series goes along.
- Quote :
- now he had the perfect opportunity! it was only the two of them no-one things he could do...NO! he shook the thought from his head but to no avail.
and the video they watched wasn't
helping him at all turns out it was about gay guys…getting it on..…and the one looked similar to hideki
Shinbo: ...wow, that wasn't the one I wanted to get.
Hideki: Mix-up at the rental?
Shinbo: This has gotta be some kinda prank!
- Quote :
- that was the primary reason for running in the bathroom,he had a problem he needed to take care of…
Probably trying to find a place to laugh himself asphyxiated without scaring the rest of the apartment.
- Quote :
- Meanwhile, hideki was relieved after sheenbo left…he didn't think he could hide the increasing bulge in
his pants any longer so he decided he needed to get rid of it and fast so he started stroking his length all the while imaganing it was his best friend
moan..'sheenbo…'
'sheen-bo'
Okay, I gotta admit, now this gets funny. I'm not sure prin1cess meant to write comedy here, but she's succeeding. Now I'm sort of hoping this is a stealth parody of yaoi lemons as a whole.
- Quote :
- 'yes?'
''hideki quickly scrambled up and covered his now bare
frount with his hands 'this….This isn't what it looks like i was'
...please?
- Quote :
- 'great minds think alike'
'what?'
Just then sheenbo crashed his lips on to hideki's capturing them in a passionate kiss after they were
...*sigh* No, never mind, this can't be parody.
- Quote :
- starting to pass out because of the lack of air,they broke apart.
I CAN'T HOLD THE YAOI ANY MORE! SHE'S BREAKING APART! MAYDAY! MAYDAY!
- Quote :
- 'sheenbo…. '
'yes darling'
*snortchortle* Wow, damn, they move quick don't they?
- Quote :
- 'let's do the stuff they did in the movie'
Hideki: You know, all ten minutes of poorly-acted buildup we probably saw in the movie.
- Quote :
- 'are you sure you don't have to do this for my sake you know'
'of course I'm sure I really want this I want..you'
Brace for the Chobits fandom being dynamited to make room for gratuitous yaoi lemon in three...two...one...
- Quote :
- hideki then tugged sheenbo's pants and underwear off
together….and took him in his mouth.
'hideki…more'
...IMPACT! *KTHOOOOM*
- Quote :
- Hideki sucked as best he could until sheenbo released into his mouth
'how was that?'
'pant AMAZING'
Now for a little more background:
It took all eight volumes of the manga for
- Spoiler:
Hideki to decide he loved Chii.
All of the other romances either wrapped up in the seventh or the eighth, and they all started with hints and tones set down since either the first or second volume of the manga.
IT TAKES 717 POORLY WRITTEN WORDS FOR HIDEKI TO DROP EVERYTHING TO HAVE GAY SEX WITH SHIMBO
Yaoi logic my ass, this is forced!
Erm...well I...uhhh...I don't know what else to talk about here.
So you know what? I'm going to cut the rest of it. You know what it is that happens next: yaoi buttsex and the flattest, drabbest ending ever:
- Quote :
- 'I love you'
'me too'
'will you stay with me'
'of course'
And that's it, then it just ends. No epilogue, no "the end," no author's notes and no written apology to anyone who thought Chobits yaoi wasn't such a crazy idea and had the misfortune to stumble across this thing.
It boggles the mind; what must go through the minds of these yaoi fangirls who think that wherever guys are even vaguely friends can become lovers in a heartbeat is probably a set of divine (or would that be hellish?) commands in a language incomprehensible to the human mind.
Anyway, thank you and enjoy this very first sporking I've attempted.