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 When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"...

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Hadiya Tannous

Hadiya Tannous

Join date : 2010-05-01
Location : Anywhere I can read, learn, live, laugh, imagine, and love.

When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"... Empty
PostSubject: When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"...   When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"... EmptySun Sep 05, 2010 1:32 am

Alright, so my fandom has an issue with rape trucks. I think every fandom has them pretty much--those characters that are a bit shady, a bit crazy, a bit lecherous, who are turned into Snidely Whiplash-esque balls of torture and malaise for the sake of drama or the OTP. All character development is thrown out the window, all logic is burned, and all personality is sacrificed on the altar of TEH DRAMAZ!!1

My fandom, in general, has two main characters who serve as the rapists: Russia or France. In Russia's case it's because of his quite prevalent Yandere insanity, and in France's case it's due to the fact that he's a raging nymphomaniac hornball who commits acts that border on sexual abuse at times (forcing the characters to strip during the Christmas special, for example). While Russia is mainly the raping bicycle that's ridden the most, France has his moments as well...

As is the case of this fanfic, which is literally titled "Rape".

...Yes, I'm fucking serious.

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This story, written by "goth4ever" ( Rolling Eyes ) is pretty much the story that members of TVTropes use to have a field day. From ukefication, to villainification, to attempted rape, to all around character bastardization and complete logic fail, this fanfic has it all! So pull out your Horatio emoticons, bring out the Bleach, and put on the John Freeman song, we're delving into "Rape".

...I can't believe she titled her fic that.

Quote :
Suddenly, the doors to the conference room busted open, scaring everyone but Russia in it. France walked in with his head held high and his hands out. "Perfection as arrived~!" he enounced.

England ran his hand slowly down his face and America blinked. "More like Hell has arrived…" England mumbled into his hand.

Okay, slightly OOC, but I can still recognize the characters and their respective relationships with each other. We're doing good so far.

Quote :
.

France put his hands on his hips and smirked in England direction. "Oh Iggy! You're so funny!" he said with a giggle and a wave of his hand then walked over to him. He took the younger nation's chin in his pointer and thumb and lifted it up, making England blush dark. "And tasty too…" he said then licked his lips.

America glared at him as he put an elbow on the table and his chin in his hand. England glared at him harder and growled. He kicked the other in-between the legs, causing France to yelp and fall to the ground. England stood up and put his hands on his hips. "How many bloody times do I have to tell you… I do NOT love you!" he shouted then stormed out of the room, America quickly followed.

"All this pain is out of love from you Iggy!" France shouted after him.

England turned around then took off his boot and chucked it at France, hitting his in the head. He then turned back around and stormed out the door.

China sighed and leaned back "You deserved that one France." He said, leaning back in his seat and putting his hands behind his head.

France rubbed his head, still laying on the floor. "He'll come out about loving me sooner or later, I just know it."

China rolled his eyes.

AAAAUUUUGGGGGGHHHH I TAKE IT BACK Upset

What the fuck is this, a Mexican soap opera?! Why didn't England just punch France in the face?! Why did he kick France in the nads and throw a hissy-fit in front of the rest of the nations?! Why is France so ungodly obvious and touchy-feely in front of the rest of the nations?! Why did America just sit there and watch his boyfriend be openly hit on by France and not say anything?! Why the hell didn't another nation say something?! WAIT, WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY EVEN MEETING IN THE FIRST PLACE?!

GYYYYYAARRRRRRRRGGGHHHHHH

Also--"all this pain is out of love from you"? Way to fail at the English language, dear.

Quote :
England sighed and put his hands on the sink as water dripped from his face. He turned off the water "Yeah I'm fine…" he mumbled. He stood up straight and turned to his side to look at the taller nation. "Am I really that gullible?" he asked quietly.

Man, when the characters themselves know they're OOC, the author has a major problem.

Quote :
America frowned and walked to him. He pulled him into a hug and put a hand on his head along with his chin. "At times you can be, but France is a sly bastard whose sex drive never turns off." He has as he gently stroked the other's hair.

That's...true, I guess. But he's usually not that...stupid about it. Dry

Quote :
The younger nation pulled away and looked at him and took his cheeks in his hands, making him look him in the eye. "I know so. And if he doesn't, then I get to beat the shit out of him."

England smiled "Alfred, what have I told you about fighting without a good reason?"

"It is a good reason! He's molesting and mentally raping my boyfriend! Plus he's calling you Iggy, which is my pet name for you. I swear, he has to be pleasuring himself every night to thoughts of you, and it's disgusting."

And the reason you didn't do anything when France was openly harassing your boyfriend in front of you and all your "co-workers" is because...?

Quote :
"But that's what why I pulled away. We still have to get back before the others come looking for us and discover our secret. You were the one that made me promise you that we would never tell what happened on July 4th, 1776."

Rolling Eyes

Ugh...seriously, author? You're actually implying that England and America were boinking each other during Independence Day? I mean, I consider myself a major US x UK fan, but I'm not rabidly stupid enough to imagine that they wanted to do anything to each other during the Revolutionary War that didn't involve shooting each other in the face, especially early on. You Fail at History Forever.

(Sometimes it doesn't surprise me that fans of other pairing hate on US x UK so much--some of us are fucking morons.)

Warning: this next part of the story will make your eyeballs melt--and we aren't even at the rape yet!

But first, some more historical!failure, courtesy of goth4ever!

Quote :
"I have a brilliant plan to stop global warming!" the blonde with glasses said proudly. "We build a giant dish to reflect all the sun away from the Earth! Very heroic I'd say."

scratch

Now, this is a line that would not be a major problem in any other context aside from this one.

Why?

Because this fic is obviously taking place in the 21st century and the Allies from World War Two are the only ones at the meeting.

Take a moment to digest that: this author, unlike in any other Hetalia badfic that I've read, has managed to screw up the historical timeline itself. First of all, global warming was not even a glint in Al Gore's grandfather's eye during World War Two. Secondly, even if this story was taking place during modern day times, there is no way in hell that these five particular countries would be in the same room with each other outside of the UN Security Council. And let me tell you--this is NOT the damn UN Security Council. They're apparently just sitting around and talking about global warming like it's World War Two, even though World War Two's been finished for over sixty years.

I mean, I just...No. This is pure fail, plain and simple. Fail Fail FAIL FAIL FAIL FAAAAAIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLL.

...But even THAT is not the worst part of this scene! Behold!

Quote :
France looked America over then glanced back at England. His smirk popped back up on his lips and he slipped off his boot. He gently ran his toes along and up the other's leg, getting under his pant leg.

England kept his eyes on his boyfriend, showing no emotion. "Just relax… breathe… breathe… Oh Jesus!" he thought then mentally jumped when he felt the other's foot slowly run up the inside of his leg and close to his crotch. He did his best to fight back the blush and to not explode. America glanced at him. Their eyes locked for a moment, just long enough to piss France off when he discovered that his little "footsies" trick wasn't working at all on England.

He growled quietly under his breath, "What the hell?" he thought "That normally make England jump 20 feet or so out of his seat!"

Yes, France is trying to seduce England by playing footsie with him. In the middle of a meeting involving the Allies discussing global warming in the 21st Century.

When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"... 724940

Quote :
China then made a face and waved his hand in front of his face. "Oh geez… what smells? And it's not England's feet because it didn't smell like this when he walked in."

France's eyes widened slightly and he blushed a bit. He quickly slipped his boot back on then leaned back in his seat as he put up his hands. "It's not me! Both my shoes are on."

"Um… I never said it was you, France." China said a bit awkwardly.

France blushed a bit more and crossed his arms. He looked away from the other to see America staring at him. He glared "What the hell are you looking at, burger boy?" he asked in a hiss.

America put up his hands "I never said anything!"

"Good. Let's keep it that way."

OMG WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE Upset

I can't believe I'm actually asking this, but is it time for the rape scene yet?

Quote :
France watched him reach for the boot but then smirked and grabbed his wrist. He pulled him across the table and into his lap. England's eyes widened and he quickly looked up at him as he blushed. "No one here to save you now Iggy." He said "You can't keep that act up forever. Sooner or later, I'm going to find your breaking point and I'm going to make you whimper and moan and beg for more." He whispered, leaning to put his mouth near the other's ear.

Fucking finally, let's hurry up and get this shit over with!

Quote :
England growled but took a breath then slid off the other's lap. He stood up, taking his wrist back and picked up his boot. He slipped it back on and started for the door but France grabbed him before he could. He kicked the heavy door shut and locked it then pinned the other to the floor. England's eyes widened and he blushed again. He glared "Unhand me." He said calmly, trying not to get mad.

France just simple grinned devilishly and leaned down to place his lips on the other's in a forceful kiss. He bit the other's lip, pulling it down then slipped his tongue into his mouth.

England's eyes widened more and he grunted when the other would touch his tongue with his. Soon, he clenched his teeth together, hoping to bite the other's tongue off but France was quicker. He removed his tongue from the other's mouth then grinned. He then grabbed the other in-between the legs, making England cry out with large eyes.

France purred "So that's your sweet spot is it? Not a problem. I can do a lot with that." He said then started undoing his own top.

England gasped then screamed "Alfred!"

Oh Jesus, I'm honestly torn between laughing and crying! I mean, this might just be the stupidest rape fic I've ever seen in my life! From the complete implausibility of the situation, to England's lack of spine, willpower, and physical strength, to the cliche-ness of the entire damn scenario, to the fact that England is calling out to America for help instead of beating the snot out of France...seriously, am I being punked?

Quote :
"Alfred!" he heard England scream.

America's eyes widened "That was Arthur…" he quickly looked around, seeing that France was nowhere to be found.

"Alfred!" England screamed again.

"Oh shit!" America shouted then ran back inside.

That's generally the reaction one has when they realize they've left the stove on, not when they've discovered that their lover's in mortal peril.

Quote :
China heard the other curse and he stopped. He looked up to see the scared and worried look on the other's face then turned to Russia. "Russia, what's wrong with America?" he called to him.

Russia stopped and turned around slowly to look up at the large meeting building "I just heard England scream America's name, so I'd say he's in trouble."

BRILLIANT

So the Keystone Kops--I mean, America, China, and Russia--rush in to see what the ruckus is about.

Quote :
"Alfred! Help me!" England shouted. There was a thud and then England screamed again "No! Get that nasty thing away from me!"

"Quiet my little butterfly, you'll enjoy this." France said quietly.

::laughs so hard her sides stitch::

Quote :
America's eyes widened in rage and fear. What was France doing to his boyfriend in there! He tried the door knob but it was locked. He growled and started to hit his shoulder against the door, trying to break it down.

Wait, America's having trouble breaking a door down? He could pick up buffalo and spin them around when he was a baby and, now that he's an adult, tears out entire window panes like they're tissue paper and drags Jeeps around for the hell of it, and he can't break down a door?! What's it made out of, Unobtanium?!

Quote :
Suddenly, the door next to the meeting room opened and Canada walked out. His eyes were wide "Brother, what's wrong?" he asked.

Rolling Eyes

So...Canada's right next door, and yet he doesn't hear England struggling and screaming for help loud enough to be heard outside the building, and only realizes something's wrong when he hears America trying to break down the door? Maybe the walls are made of Unobtanium as well.

Wait--what the fuck was he doing in there, anyway? Waiting until the plot told him it was convenient to leave?

Quote :
"France is raping England!" America shouted.

China's and Canada's eyes widened "I never thought he would go this far!" China said.

"Yeah, neither did I, but now France is gonna pay once I get this fuckin door open!"

China grabbed him, making him stop. "Stop it! You're going to hurt your shoulder doing that!"

Yes, China, let's give France more time to rape England so we can stand around and talk to each other for the next fifteen minutes.

Quote :
"I don't care!" America shouted, glaring at him with small tears in his eyes.

Rolling Eyes

Quote :
The short nation stared at him then turned to Russia as he walked to them. He pointed at the door "Russia, you're Russian, can you lock pick this door?" he asked, putting a hand on it.

Russia looked at him then the door. "No, but I can break it down." He said.

Shocked

...

You know what? I honestly considered snarking this line, but it's just so...beautiful in its inanity. So I decided to present it to you raw and uncut, dear readers, because nobody should ever live their lives without knowing the...er...Russian lock-picking stereotype.

After all, in Soviet Russia, key unlocks YOU! ::is shot::

So the marching morons, after pulling their heads out of their asses, finally break down the door and dash inside.

Quote :
He saw England huddled in the corner,

When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"... 724940

Quote :
"Get you fuckin hands off my boyfriend!" America shouted then nailed a punch right in France's jaw.

Because we all know that the best thing for a rape victim to hear--after being possessively dominated by their attacker--is their lover possessively dominating them in return! THE MORE YOU KNOW!! ::sparkle sparkle star::

Quote :
Canada ran to England and knelt down next to him. "England-san, are you alright?" he asked.

England's eyes were now gushing tears. He lunged forward, hugging the quiet blonde tight. He cried into his chest "I-I was so scared… so scared…" he said quietly.

Okay, who is this quivering ukeblob and what has he done with the former British Empire?

Quote :
China's eyes widened and Russia and he ran to the brawl on the floor. "Hey, hey, hey break it up! Break it up!" China shouted as he grabbed America and put him in a tight headlock and Russia grabbed France.

Yeah, I mean it's not like he was just RAPING anyone or anything, you're REALLY overreacting, America. Rolling Eyes

Quote :
America thrashed around in his arms "Let me go! I'm gonna fuckin kill him! I'm gonna put his fuckin face into the ocean and drown his sorry ass!"

France panted, gladly taking the support Russia giving him. He wiped some of the blood from the corner of his mouth and glared back at the other "You little bitch! You think that sense you're a country now, you can go around doing as you please! The world isn't like that!"

"Oh listen to you! You rape any man you see that you think is cute! This time you went WAY too far!"

"I was showing him how much I love him!"

"You don't love him! You just want someone for your little sex games! You're nothing but a fuckin prostitute!"

"You take that back!"

"Why don't you come over here and fuckin MAKE me take it back you little bitch!"

Hey, America, maybe instead of having a pissing contest with France you should be doing something more important, like, oh, I don't know--COMFORTING YOUR TRAUMATIZED LOVER, PERHAPS? I MEAN, JUST A THOUGHT.

Quote :
"Both of you, stop it!" he shouted then walked in-between them. He glared at both of them then turned towards France. Faster than France could realize, England had drawn back his hand and smacked the other clean across the face, making Russia stubble to keep his hold on France. He grabbed a handful of the other's long blonde hair in the back of his head and pulled it closer to his face, making France grunt. "If you ever try shit like that again… it's not Alfred that you're going to have to worry about… or Russia, or China, or any other country… Got me?" he said in a low and dangerous voice.

France opened his eyes slightly to see the cold hard glare in the other's eyes, making his wide slightly.

England gripped the other's hair tighter, making France yell. "I asked you something…" he said in the same tone he use just moments before "GOT me?"

France nodded "M-mhmm…"

"Good…" England let go of France's hair and brushed his hands together to dust off any of the long blonde hairs he had in-between his fingers. "Russia, China, Canada, take France to the hospital. Alfred, you're coming with me." He said then turned towards the door, not even bothering to grab his clothes that were sprawled out on the floor.

Woah, holy shit, it's canon!England! Dude, where have you been this whole fic?!

Quote :
America blinked then trotted down the stairs. As soon as he reached the stair behind the other, England turned around quickly and wrapped his arms tight around him, barring his face in his chest to cry. America's eyes widened but he then wrapped his arms around the other. He put his lips on the other's hair as he gently stroked his hair and closed his eyes. "Shh… Shh… it's going to be alright… I have you now…" he said a bit louder than a whisper.

He listened to the older nation cry and embraced the cold dampness of his shirt.

Oh, well THAT regression was fast. Rolling Eyes

Quote :
America frowned at him, not glaring at all, then turned to rest his lips on the other's head then closing his eyes again.

"I love you, Alfred" England said suddenly.

America kissed the others forehead "I love you too, Arthur."

Aww isn't that so wonderful and sweet and totally in character and BALLHFADFKALSDFJAKLSDFHASLKD When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"... 556166

The fic ends rather abruptly after this, but am I complaining? FUCK NO, I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE BEFORE SHE WRITES MORE (oh crap too late)

::runs like the wiinnnnnddd::
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Vanilla-villa
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
Vanilla-villa

Join date : 2010-04-19
Location : England

When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"... Empty
PostSubject: Re: When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"...   When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"... EmptySun Sep 05, 2010 8:24 am

Quote :
"France is raping England!" America shouted.
Well, that pretty much sums up this. When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"... 611762
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bleachedblackcat
Armbiter of Good Fanfiction
Armbiter of Good Fanfiction
bleachedblackcat

Join date : 2009-06-11

When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"... Empty
PostSubject: Re: When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"...   When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"... EmptySun Sep 05, 2010 10:00 am

"I love you! Who cares that you just got raped and might need a doctor? My love will heal all!"

"Yes it will snuggle bunny!"


Quote :
So the Keystone Kops--I mean, America, China, and Russia--rush in to see what the ruckus is about.

Is it bad of me to want to see that someday?

They save the world, one slapstick fall at a time!
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XLT-100852.0
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
XLT-100852.0

Join date : 2010-07-18
Age : 28
Location : interwebs

When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"... Empty
PostSubject: Re: When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"...   When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"... EmptySun Sep 05, 2010 12:09 pm

Since when do countries rape each other? They are landmasses. It would be unpossible.
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Somath Cegem
Wonderfully English
Wonderfully English
Somath Cegem

Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 34
Location : Land of Burning Spirit

When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"... Empty
PostSubject: Re: When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"...   When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"... EmptySun Sep 05, 2010 12:35 pm

XLT-100852.0 wrote:
Since when do countries rape each other? They are landmasses. It would be unpossible.

I think the nearest you could get would be if one invaded another, stripped it of everything of value, killed every able-bodied person they could find and then salted the earth behind then as they left.

And impossible sir, you are not Ralph Wiggum.
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XLT-100852.0
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
XLT-100852.0

Join date : 2010-07-18
Age : 28
Location : interwebs

When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"... Empty
PostSubject: Re: When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"...   When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"... EmptySun Sep 05, 2010 1:19 pm

Somath Cegem wrote:
And impossible sir, you are not Ralph Wiggum.
The Simpsons hasn't been funny in 20 years.
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Dr. Professor Science
Ghoti
Ghoti
Dr. Professor Science

Join date : 2009-06-25
Age : 29
Location : One of the guys with the giant papier-mâché dongs in Lysistrata

When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"... Empty
PostSubject: Re: When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"...   When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"... EmptySat Sep 18, 2010 2:09 pm

XLT-100852.0 wrote:
Since when do countries rape each other? They are landmasses. It would be unpossible.
Have you seen South America lately? She's just begging for it, bending over like that and flaunting it to Africa. For shame.
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Rabid Badger
And This is Why I Need Medication
And This is Why I Need Medication
Rabid Badger

Join date : 2009-06-10

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PostSubject: Re: When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"...   When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"... EmptySat Sep 18, 2010 10:07 pm

I'm seeing more Larry, Moe and Curly from the Three Stooges, running into walls and poking each other in the eye.

I know little about Hetalia (except what I picked up from Zeiss and Delcat, and Hadiya's information), but even I know enough to know this isn't how the manga works.

Plus, I have this idea that England would at least try and fight back a little, not just lie there like a slug.
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PostSubject: Re: When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"...   When the story's actually TITLED "Rape"... Empty

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