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 Normal Student at Shibusen? Not for long!

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Raine
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Raine

Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 33
Location : Australia

Normal Student at Shibusen? Not for long! Empty
PostSubject: Normal Student at Shibusen? Not for long!   Normal Student at Shibusen? Not for long! EmptySat Jun 20, 2009 1:09 am

It's been a while since I've MST'd anything. Just... just kill me if I fail at this. I only got into Soul Eater a few months back, but it's an interesting manga series - even though it's the equivalent of Pringles, once you pop you can't stop. The SE section in the Pit of Voles is slowly becoming a hotbed of terrible fics, I wouldn't be surprised if it goes the same way as most other popular shonen sections.

A normal human is a student at shibusen? by diichan

Quote :
this fanfiction waspretty much based on a dream i had
and it stars my best friend.
her name - mit
=P
so yer, oh and I LOVE KID XDDD
333
MWAHHAAHAHA

There's one basic rule you have to adhere to if you're to have Kid love you in return - perfection. Right now, Kid's expression would probably be something along the lines of this:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

And that was after he accidentally put a tear in his test paper. I can only image his reaction to this fic.

Quote :
and i want to think of kid again, like i always do in the mornings
and eavnings
and during the day
haha! if he was real, well, i guess he would be a bit scared
rampaging, aysymetrical fangirl running around wanting to glomp a freaking anime character.
yep, he would be scared alright.

Hell, I'm scared right now. I guess I'm a little glad you've recognised your faults though. Admitting you have a problem is the first step.

Quote :
the radio was blurring in the background.
i think it was the weather.
oh! how clichéd!
'and today the weather shall be sunny throughout the whole of the country, with light showers in patches, especially those just west of london.'

I don't think I've ever heard the term "radio was blurring" before in my life - wtf is that supposed to mean anyway? Unless Blur was on the radio... Regardless, I don't believe sunny weather would cause a radio to blur.

Quote :
yep, thats right i contradict myself because im like that.
i love early mornings.
i love sleep.
well, i prefer sleep so i just sleep in.
and tend to be on the computer secretly untill midnight talking to mit on skype, looking up pictures of kid, though i've probably seen them all.

Looking up pictures of kid is illegal, I'm pretty sure... :downs:

Quote :
i ran upstairs and packed my bag for the school day.
brushed my teeth.
washed my face.
everything that a normal 14 year old english girl would do in the mornings.

I'm not sure being a "rampaging, aysymetrical fangirl running around wanting to glomp a freaking anime character" is something a normal 14 year old English girl would do either. I can only be glad this is "based on a dream".

Quote :
but i wasnt realy listening so i didn't know WHAT it was that we were supposed to be doing.
i moaned again, and thought that if my life was a story, i would be the depressive mary-sue that everyone hates.

Definition - Mary Sue: A character that everyone is supposed to love.

Quote :
generally im quite hyper, but i was realy tired.
you see, i have a weak immune system, so gradually, i get more and more tired during the week.
no, it has nothing to do with my not that much sleep.

So when you get to sleep-in on the weekends that doesn't have anything to do with being refreshed at the start of a new week?

Quote :
maka albarn was standing there.
freaking maka albarn!
from soul eater!
...
i knew that she wasnt a cosplayer.

Just so people are clear, this is what Maka Albarn looks like:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Not exactly a "unique" character design or anything... Sounds like someone's imagination is running a bit out of control.

Quote :
'do you need her for anything?'
'yes, well, we need her to drop out of school.'
'what?' i said
suddenly my sleepyness and brodem flew RIGHT out the window.
...
i gradually got out from the side of the desk and went through the door, in which maka was holding open for me.
'thanks.' i said, just about grabbing the last of my manners in my whilwind of exitment.

I'm relatively sure throwing a Polish village out a window would be somewhat impossible. scratch Not to mention "whilwind of exitment" seems a bit over-the-top just for going through a simple door.

Quote :
'oh, ok then, err, when do i leave?'
i said itching to go...
'right now.'
i opened the door to the classroom and shouted
'SO LONG SUCKERS!' with a huge smile on my face.

BURN BRIDGES, USE CAPS, FORGET ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY! WE'RE OFF TO FOLLOW SOME GIRL WITH A PASSING RESEMBLANCE TO AN ANIME CHARACTER WHO SAID THEY NEED HELP FOR A "NUMBER OF REASONS" WITHOUT EXPLAINING ANY OF THEM!

Quote :
'oh! maka, um, could i take someone with me.'
'who?'
'my best friend, mit, i know where her school is, i couldnt live without her.'
'oh, no need, shes alreay in the car.' maka explained, this time, with a real smile on her face.

How convenient! Speaking of convenient, can you explain how a car is the best form of travel to get from London to Nevada? Normal Student at Shibusen? Not for long! 203843

Quote :
i instanly recognized him, his clack clothing, his pale skin, black hair, with the three white sanzu lines running across it.
it was death the kid.
THE death the kid.
he turned around to face this way, whilst patti was clinging onto his sleeve. i could see them
those yellow/orange eyes that could glare at you in a second.
as a fangirl WOULD do, i ran out of the car at full speed but annoyingly i hit my head on the top of the car.
i think that was what it was.
but it any case, i was clichéy-y falling into the blackness

I could glare at you in a second too, you know. And just when did 'clack' become the new 'black' anyway? Oh, that statement was a bit "clichéy-y", wasn't it?

Quote :
i then focused in on my foreground.
i saw a boy, roughly two years older than me, with jet black hair,yet he had some wierd white stripes on them. he had amber eyes that were fixated on mine, and pale skin that made him look slightly like a corpse. he was holding me close to him, i think i had fell or somthing, because he looked like he hadjust caught me.
he seemed to be blushing slightly.
what a strange boy.
i wondered weather i had any relation to this boy.
as much as i knew, i was a normal, small, 14 year old girl, with brown hair, my name was rikki and my best friends was mit.
and that was it.
that was all i knew.

Hitting your head on a car and giving yourself amnesia in front of your anime crush? Smoooooth. I just worry you've given yourself a concussion as well if you think the weather has any relation to that boy, and your best friends is a girl called Mit.

Quote :
mit seemed to be backing away slowly, and started talking to a girl, slightly taller than her, with mousey brown hair, tied up in pigtails, and a long black coat.
she was looking concerned, and nodded her head.
it was then, that she started approaching me.
'umm, rikki, it seems that you have lost your memory, well part of it. im not going to help you get it back, it seems that its best like this, but, we still need you to help us here at shibusen.'
'shibusen?'
'i'll explain later, my name is maka, please come this way, kid, could you come with us. bring liz and patti too...'

And here I thought you were more responsible than that, Maka. The poor girl has amnesia and a concussion! You really must be some imposter cosplayer if you've forgotten most people should be seeing a doctor about now. For shame!

Quote :
=TO BE CONTINUED=
anyways, chapter two will be alot better! this is all , im a freaking mary-sue and stuff.
as for the dream i was telling you about? yer, that lags onto chapter two.

Muddled? - Yep.
Clichéd? - Somewhat.
Freaking Mary-Sue?- No, just your average run-of-the-mill self-insert.

Looking forward to chapter two though. Normal Student at Shibusen? Not for long! 8638
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quamp
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
quamp

Join date : 2009-06-11
Location : Locked away in Suburban hell

Normal Student at Shibusen? Not for long! Empty
PostSubject: Re: Normal Student at Shibusen? Not for long!   Normal Student at Shibusen? Not for long! EmptySat Jun 20, 2009 5:45 am

Quote :
time please

Time to stop this mess.

Quote :
i turned over, and looked at my tattered, used-to-be-blue-but-is-now-near-yellow baby G watch.

"Damn cheap crap from China." Rikki thought.

Quote :
ugh, i have 10 minuites left of sleep before mum will come in and kill me.

and i want to think of kid again, like i always do in the mornings

and eavnings

and during the day

People who think like this often become stalkers.

Quote :
oh! how clichéd!

Nice of you to admit that you can't come up with an original idea.

Quote :
well, id better be going, i was so caught up in my random thoughts that i noticed that i only had 5 minutites to get dressed to go downstairs for breakfast.

or mum wont let me go to the expo.

Oh noes!

Quote :
the school day went by slowley, it was a dreary thrusday afternoon. 5th period, near the end of the day.

the lesson?

french.

ugh.

Now, why does everyone always seem to dread French more than anything else in the day? I took Spanish and liked it, you should try that.

Quote :
we were SUPPOSED to be doing something.

but i wasnt realy listening so i didn't know WHAT it was that we were supposed to be doing.

You don't pay attention, you don't do the homework and then you wonder why you fail the tests.

Quote :
and then i realized about mit!

what if i had to live without mit!

I'm sure mit would get along just fine without you.

Quote :
anyways, chapter two will be alot better! this is all muddled, clichéd, im a freaking mary-sue and stuff.

This is why we have beta readers.
A friendly tip here: if you know it sucks, DO NOT POST IT.
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