Hot Cancer's 10 worst Star Trek episodes/movies

Reepicheep-chan wrote:

Fergengi was just a backward super-capitalist society. Having literally nothing to wear marking a person as a second class citizen makes perfect sense when you think about how importent personal material wealth is to the Ferengi, and having a large underclass of women to be second class citizens is a pretty important foundation for the type of society the promotes individuals hoarding shit-tons of cash.

Yeah, that was one of the funnier parts of the Ferengi- the degree to which their two hats conflicted with each other. You get the idea that the DS9 writers were trying for a saving throw against some of the idiocy that the TNG writers had established.

. . . given that the result was "Profit and Lace," though, it's pretty clear they rolled a natural 1.

Sparrow wrote:

Gamma Vector wrote:

As for Voyager, I grew up on that. I have a tendency to mentally gloss over it's more failtastic moments. But does anyone else remember a weird episode with a borg...fetus...thing...that like...tried to take over the ship...
I'm not sure if that even happened, of if dreamed or something. o_O;;

D you mean Drone?

Ah, yes, that does seem to be the one.
...Dammit, now that I know which one it is, I'm gonna have to dig out my DVDs and watch it again.




Also, Ferengi: Okay, apparently I didn't pay much attention to them, because I didn't realize the naked women were a thing.
...Waitwait, if clothed women are supposedly some super-taboo kinky thing then...with that new law that said women could wear clothes...The Ferengi government effectively dressed every woman on the planet up as a Playboy Bunny.
...
...
...No. I'm sorry, but no. Just...no.

I can't believe a thread like this has gone this long without mentioning the TNG ep. "Genesis", AKA: Trek's original recipe You Fail Biology Forever, AKA: Worf devolves into a Sleestak and tries to eat Picard.

Not devolve, de-evolve.* And they should've kept spider-Barclay.




When it debuted, the second-biggest complaint about the episode seemed to be that they always used the more awkward term. Did Braga and the others not realize the word "devolve" exists, or did they think the audience wouldn't?

Drabbler wrote:

Not devolve, de-evolve.* And they should've kept spider-Barclay.




When it debuted, the second-biggest complaint about the episode seemed to be that they always used the more awkward term. Did Braga and the others not realize the word "devolve" exists, or did they think the audience wouldn't?

Well, this is the same franchise that featured "they're black on THAT side and white on THAT side." Subtlety and trusting the audience to get things on their own isn't really a strong suit.

No, I'm never letting that one go.

Freezer wrote:

I can't believe a thread like this has gone this long without mentioning the TNG ep. "Genesis", AKA: Trek's original recipe You Fail Biology Forever, AKA: Worf devolves into a Sleestak and tries to eat Picard.

Which wasn't nearly as bad as Barcley de-evolving into a spider.

gaijinguy wrote:

Drabbler wrote:

Not devolve, de-evolve.* And they should've kept spider-Barclay.




When it debuted, the second-biggest complaint about the episode seemed to be that they always used the more awkward term. Did Braga and the others not realize the word "devolve" exists, or did they think the audience wouldn't?

Well, this is the same franchise that featured "they're black on THAT side and white on THAT side." Subtlety and trusting the audience to get things on their own isn't really a strong suit.

No, I'm never letting that one go.

Oh yeah, I remember that episode. The night it aired, you could tell exactly which of your neighbors were watching it by the sound of anvils landing in their living rooms. I'm amazed the hospitals didn't rebel when they decided to include it on the DVDs.

Freezer wrote:

I can't believe a thread like this has gone this long without mentioning the TNG ep. "Genesis", AKA: Trek's original recipe You Fail Biology Forever, AKA: Worf devolves into a Sleestak and tries to eat Picard.

And tries to mate with Troi... >.>

Freezer wrote:

I can't believe a thread like this has gone this long without mentioning the TNG ep. "Genesis", AKA: Trek's original recipe You Fail Biology Forever, AKA: Worf devolves into a Sleestak and tries to eat Picard.

Didn't Jonathan Frakes win some kind of award for his acting in that episode?

...he was there for like, what, five minutes? What'd he win it for, Best Performance of Caveman Banging On Fishtank?

I honestly couldn't have told you if he was even in that episode.

Dr. Professor Science wrote:

Freezer wrote:

I can't believe a thread like this has gone this long without mentioning the TNG ep. "Genesis", AKA: Trek's original recipe You Fail Biology Forever, AKA: Worf devolves into a Sleestak and tries to eat Picard.

Didn't Jonathan Frakes win some kind of award for his acting in that episode?

Nah, it did win an Emmy for Sound Mixing though.

The Way To Eden is good for a laugh, at least. All I can think of when I see those ridiculous hippies is Dick Shawn's Lorenzo St. Dubois "L.S.D" character in the original Producers. I honestly don't know which is funnier...L.S.D. because Mel Brooks meant him to be funny, or the space hippies because the Trek writers didn't.

But, you know, in light of later current events and the tendency of Trek episodes to be morality plays reflecting those events...that episode seems like a missed opportunity. The Way To Eden depicted a charismatic leader who took a bunch of lost, searching youths under his wing and got them to hang on his every word and follow him on an insane quest, right?

Well...this episode was written and aired BEFORE the Manson murders. If the murders had occurred before it was written, if the writers had been willing to be daring...we might have seen a much darker and more disturbing take on that idea.

Didn't Spot turn into a lizard in Genesis? Yeah, I may not know a lot about evolution, but I don't think that's how it worked. But then Spot was also transgender so maybe s/he did evolve from lizards.

Yes, Spot (of the mysteriously changing gender) had kittens and then turned into a lizard. I don't know why, but to me, that was the ickiest bit. But the entire episode was gross, and basically made of fail.

The worst Trek episode of all time must be TOS's And The Children Shall Lead. Honestly, I hate it with the fire of a thousand suns. Not even the stupidest TNG episodes are this vile ... well, with the possible exception of Code of Honour and Planet of the Jogging Bimbos (don't remember the title). But that was Season 1. Half of that was kind of silly, anyway.

The Scientist wrote:

Yes, Spot (of the mysteriously changing gender)

I always figured there had been many Spots and that Data belonged to the Lennie Small school of pet-care.

I'm surprised that nobody's mentioned Dear Doctor
Captain Archer and crew find a planet with two sentient species, one of which (the one which is basically in charge) is dying from a plague.

Eventually, the come to the conclusion that the plague is a flaw in the DNA of the affected species because they are "an evolutionary dead end"
NBD, right? Bashir or McCoy would whip up a solution before breakfast.
Well, this is Enterprise, where the stupidest solution is the canon one.
Apparently, the presence of the infected species is causing the non-infected one to be unable to evolve into prosperity.
So, Phlox and Archer decide together that helping the dying species is wrong. And they leave.
Our heros, ladys and gentlemen.

I think Distant Origin from Voyager should rank up there. Who knew that the dinosaurs had a space program?

William Shakespeare wrote:

The Scientist wrote:

Yes, Spot (of the mysteriously changing gender)

I always figured there had been many Spots and that Data belonged to the Lennie Small school of pet-care.

I'm surprised that nobody's mentioned Dear Doctor
Captain Archer and crew find a planet with two sentient species, one of which (the one which is basically in charge) is dying from a plague.

Eventually, the come to the conclusion that the plague is a flaw in the DNA of the affected species because they are "an evolutionary dead end"
NBD, right? Bashir or McCoy would whip up a solution before breakfast.
Well, this is Enterprise, where the stupidest solution is the canon one.
Apparently, the presence of the infected species is causing the non-infected one to be unable to evolve into prosperity.
So, Phlox and Archer decide together that helping the dying species is wrong. And they leave.
Our heros, ladys and gentlemen.

This was meant to be Enterprise's attempt at addressing the as-yet-to-be-thought-up Prime Directive. Mileage varies, but I found this to be one of the show's better episodes. Although, John Billingsley managed to rise above some of the shit material he was given as Phlox far more often than not.

Bumped since a friend of mine started up his reviews of Voyager again, start to painstakingly mediocre finish. The crowing glory of these by far has to be his review for Fair Haven:

Quote :

Mulgrew: I can't believe I gave up stage work for this.

Braga: Whatever, the stage sucks ass - there aren't even any explosions.

Mulgrew: What a shame.

Braga: It is. Anyway, here's how this shit goes down. Bobby's been fucking around on the holodeck instead of plowing Roxann -

Mulgrew: You know they don't actually have a relationship, right?

Braga: Whatever, you know he'd hit it. Anyway, he's created a whole Irish town in the holodeck, and Garrett totally gets cockblocked by Bobby while he's trying to get some Fanny McStrange. Anyway, Voyager found some sort of space thunderstorm. We're going to call it a neutronic wavefront because that sounds badass as fuck, and Neelix convinces Janeway to keep Fair Haven going to ride out the storm.

Mulgrew: Wouldn't they need the power? For the storm?

Braga: I don't know, they have the holodeck hooked up to the Delta Flyer on jumper cables or some shit. Anyway, Janeway goes to check it out, and she meets a bartender that totally soaks her space panties. She stays up all night getting horny as fuck as they play bar games, then finds out he's happily married in the morning.

Mulgrew: It is amazing we don't have more female fans of this show.

No longer it took him five fucking years to finish.

SyFy just finished showing Voyager from the beginning, and having missed it the first time around I've been watching. I skipped every episode with the holodeck Irish village. Diddle-ee-ei-dil-di-dil-diNO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.

I dislike all episodes with Q, and Troi's mother. I find those two characters really annoying. However, the stupidest one had to be the one where Troi passed the captain's exam, and was suddenly a qualified deck officer, because in a simulation, she gave Geordi an order that he knew would result in his death.

She's a bloody counsellor, ffs! How is she in any way qualified to do what Starfleet Academy personnel spend many years training to do, and then have to climb through the officer's ranks serving as underlings on other ships before they even get to see the bridge, just because she passed a few exams and a simulation that took little more than a few weeks? Personally I don't think a counsellor should be a deck officer anyway. I can understand them having one on board but they should work from their own office, not the bridge. The only reason she gets so much screen time is because apparently she's pretty (personally I can't see it, but then I have a very refined taste ).

Appendix 1:

A Night in Sickbay - Enterprise

Here is the plot: Porthos might die. Why? Because Archer decided to fill out his application for the award of Worst Captain Ever by bringing Porthos, who I remind you, is a dog, ie. an animal that would be known for pissing on things, down to a planet inhabited by people who are known to be really easily offended, and from whom the crew of Enterprise need a vital part. Porthos pisses on a sacred tree and offends them and as a result they won't give them the part until Archer does some apology ritual. Bear in mind we are  supposed to think of Archer as a great man, the first human captain in deep space, leading 82 men and women into the unknown as the leader and moral center of Starfleet's first exploration mission; a great pioneer of space exploration far surpassing Kirk, Picard etc. etc. in his pioneering pioneerness, and he goes and does that. It's so retarded, that it almost defies analysis.

The rest might as well be irrelevant, it'd be terrible for that alone, but I'll give you a brief lowdown anyway.

Porthos has gotten a pathogen from the planet and, as above, might die, which makes Archer incandescent with rage even though it's his own stupid fault. He proceeds to be a complete arse biscuit to every member of his crew for most of the episode, especially Hoshi and T'Pol who are trying to sort out the apology ritual, and Phlox who is trying to save Porthos' life. Something he can only achieve in the end by dissecting one of his own animals for replacement parts. Yes, Star Trek, a series where there are frequent ethical debates, (the Enterprise episode Similtude contains a not dis-similar situation where a clone of Trip is sacrificed to save the real Trip and there is a debate about it) becomes a show where one animal is sacrificed to save a cuter one and no one bats an eyelid. Fuck. That.

Oh and in the middle of it, Phlox deduces that Archer is sexually frustrated and has a chubby for T'Pol. There are some awful double entendres, and Archer having a cringeworthy wet dream about T'Pol off the back of this. Let's just say the juxtaposition of the two plot threads is more awful than you are imagining.



I may write more appendices when I can be fucked doing it.

Honestly, A Night in Sickbay would have had the uncontested spot for Worst Enterprise Episode were not for the finale.

When this episode first aired, I had two of my friends, independent of one another, tell me it looked like a plot from the type of fanfic I used to write at the time (I wouldn't discover the original GAFF for another year). And it *is* godawful fanfiction level of writing, along with a summation of every complaint the fanbase had about Archer.

But yanno one episode that seems to fly under the radar of shit? Precious Cargo . I can only assume this was because Enterprise fandom gave anything Tucker-related a pass, but this episode is devoid of ANY original idea at all. A charming Rouge and a princess at one another's throats, then find themselves attracted to one another and fuck. Yippee! :rolleyes:

Plus, Padma Lakshmi's performance as Space Princess was so phoned it, she waited till after 7 pm on Friday to use the unlimited weekend minutes (remember when that was a thing? God, I'm old). Just....no.

So, the guy that reviewed Voyager at Wordforge a few posts up is having a go at Enterprise

This should be good.