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 If I Was Your Nazi

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If I Was Your Nazi Empty
PostSubject: If I Was Your Nazi   If I Was Your Nazi EmptySat Jul 03, 2010 2:13 pm

You know Kingdom Hearts, the innocent little game by Square Enix and Disney, with such delightful characters like Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck? Well, how about that, but set in Nazi Germany! Well here's If I Was Your Nazi! I know, I know, yet another Nazi fanfic on the front page. But this one's different. Oh wait, it's not.
Here's a quick word of warning, this fanfic is extremely insensitive, has a poor plot, awful descriptions, and the author has esentially just used Nazi Germany and the Holocaust as a backdrop to their Yaoi highschool fanfic. High-school Nazis who run concentration camps between classes. All the characters of Kingdom Hearts become Nazis, despite two being gay and one being a Jew (lol spoilers, we find that out a bit later)
Quote :
Disclaimer: Would I like to own the Third Reich? um...no?
Also, the author uses these 'funny' disclaimers at the beginning of every chapter.
Now let's begin!
Axel is running through Berlin, late for a meeting with Hitler.

Quote :

"The Führer is not ready yet." Himmler said.
"What is he doing?" Axel asked. "He told me to have my report done by today, did he not?"
"That he did." Himmler said. "He is currently meeting with Riku right now."
"If you say so…" Axel said. "Have you seen Roxas yet, Father?"
"He is with Goebbles at the moment." Himmler said. "Why?"
"I wanted to speak with him." Axel said. "He is my friend, after all."
"And you could not have chosen a better friend." Himmler said. "He is the perfect Aryan."
Himmler was referring to the "perfect German": the Aryan. Anyone who was not Aryan, that is to say blonde hair and blue eyes, was often looked down upon. Axel was only a Nazi because his father was a very important man in the Third Reich. Himmler had allowed his son to get his current job: aiding the running of Bergen-Belsen. Axel didn't really like the job, but he figured he should take anything he got.
Awww... Axel's so truly caring. Also in this chapter: he joins the SS.

Quote :
"It's not because he is Aryan, Father." Axel said. "We have a lot in common."
Yes, you heard that right, Himmler is his father. And Axel is Axel Himmler.

Quote :
"I trust you have the report?" Hitler said.
"Yes, sir." Axel said.
He opened the folder he was holding and read from the report. "2,000 Jews were admitted into Bergen-Belsen last week. Of that number, 948 men, 153 women, and 57 children were killed. Their bodies were burned in the crematoriums."
"Some were killed immediately by gas chambers, some were shot." Axel informed Hitler. "All others were put to work and died from exhaustion."
Mass murder and genocide are only minor things in this fanfiction. Couldn't let a little something like the Holocaust get in the way of the yaoi romance, could we? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] "3000 Jews died today, adding to a grand total of 10,000 this week!" And yes, this is done constantly throughout this fanfic.

Quote :
"Is there anything else, mein Führer?" Axel asked.
"I've been thinking of entering you in the SS." Hitler said. "You have already met the required needs to join."
These 'required needs' are never specified, and Axel joins the SS.
Axel then goes looking for Roxas, his best friend, who just happens to be there, and what happens next is just priceless.
Quote :
"Roxas! I was just coming to find you. Guess what the Führer told me?" Axel asked, dragging Roxas up the rest of the stairs.
"What?" Roxas asked his friend as they made it outside the Führerbunker.
"I'm going to be in the SS!" Axel jumped up and down.
"Wow! Congrats, Axel! You'll be with me now." Roxas was also in the SS.
"I know!" Axel smiled.
"So when do you start?" Roxas asked as they went down to the corner market for some lunch.
"On Monday." Axel replied. "I can't wait! I mean, I'll be with you all day!"
WOW! I'm going to be in the SS!!!! YAY!!!!!!! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Quote :
"I'm rounding up Jews on Monday." Roxas said. "Maybe I can convince the Führer to let you come with me."
Yeah! We can go out like all best friends do, and round up Jews along the way!
(By the way, it is later revealed that Roxas is in fact Jewish, but this fic lost any common sense it might have had a looong time ago)

Quote :
"5th, 6th, 7th, 8th and 13th streets." Roxas said. "Your dad has me doing serious errands, you know?"
"Dad's a bit crazy sometimes." Axel said. "But I wouldn't be working here if he wasn't my father."
Dad's a bit crazy sometimes. Ya know, genocide and all that?

Quote :
"I better meet up with Marluxia, Zexion and Saïx." Roxas said. "I'm supposed to meet them at Xemnas' apartment. I guess I'll see you tomorrow? You're coming to my place, right?"
Random lists of names are also commonplace in this fic, mostly long lists of unimportant characters that only show up once or twice.

Quote :
Roxas gave a smile then a wave and walked off. As Axel watched the blonde go, an uneasy feeling erupted in his stomach. Axel had a feeling he knew what this feeling was. He'd felt it when he'd seen some cute girls back at grade school. But if he was in love with Roxas, he would be gay, which was looked down upon by Nazis. What was a guy to do?
And so he's gay. Jewish and gay. Also in the SS.
Didn't the Nazis run checks on everyone? I mean, there's no way this could have happened in real life.

Quote :
Yes, Himmler is Axel's father. It fits.
No. No it doesn't.

Quote :
next chapter: word of the death camps comes to Axel and Roxas
Wow, can't wait for that. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
And that's the end of chapter one!
Also in the next chapter: more insensitivity, a crappy plot and general history failure!
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PostSubject: Re: If I Was Your Nazi   If I Was Your Nazi EmptySat Jul 03, 2010 2:26 pm

Do you know, I'd actually love to own an early to mid-20th century military superpower with a total dictatorship in place and effective secret police force. Would be a lot more useful than some Star Trek characters or drawings of naked Japanese people.

I was about to hit my troll button, but I looked at the writer's profile and she looks real. Great.
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PostSubject: Re: If I Was Your Nazi   If I Was Your Nazi EmptySat Jul 03, 2010 9:25 pm

Why Nazis? What is it about the Third Reich that makes these fanbrats want to stick their favorite characters in Nazi Germany?

I weep for the future. In thirty or forty years, we may get Saddam Sues! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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PostSubject: Re: If I Was Your Nazi   If I Was Your Nazi EmptySat Jul 03, 2010 9:27 pm

Oh God, more Nazi badfic? IT NEVER ENDS!!! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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PostSubject: Re: If I Was Your Nazi   If I Was Your Nazi EmptySun Jul 04, 2010 9:24 pm

Vanilla-villa wrote:
And so he's gay. Jewish and gay. Also in the SS.
Didn't the Nazis run checks on everyone? I mean, there's no way this could have happened in real life.
I dunno about the SS, but many of the Nazi brownshirt leaders were openly gay, including Ernst Röhm, their head and one of Hitler's right-hand men. The more I research the Nazis, the more I believe that Nazi RPS is plausible (although still not tasteful.)

...am I a horrible person for believing that Röhm and Goebbels were totally gay for Hitler? It's what the evidence suggests.
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PostSubject: Re: If I Was Your Nazi   If I Was Your Nazi EmptyMon Jul 05, 2010 9:03 am

EileenK98 wrote:
Why Nazis? What is it about the Third Reich that makes these fanbrats want to stick their favorite characters in Nazi Germany?
The stylish Hugo Boss uniforms?

...nah, I got nothin'.
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PostSubject: Re: If I Was Your Nazi   If I Was Your Nazi EmptyMon Jul 05, 2010 10:52 pm

Vanilla-villa wrote:
All the characters of Kingdom Hearts become Nazis, despite two being gay and one being a Jew
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


saeku wrote:
I dunno
about the SS, but many of the Nazi brownshirt leaders were openly gay,
including Ernst Röhm, their head and one of Hitler's right-hand men. The
more I research the Nazis, the more I believe that Nazi RPS is
plausible (although still not tasteful.)

...am I a horrible
person for believing that Röhm and Goebbels were totally gay for Hitler?
It's what the evidence suggests.
What exactly have you been reading, if I may ask? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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PostSubject: Re: If I Was Your Nazi   If I Was Your Nazi EmptyTue Jul 06, 2010 4:25 am

Quote :
"I'm rounding up Jews on Monday." Roxas said.

This explains pretty much everything in KH2.
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PostSubject: Re: If I Was Your Nazi   If I Was Your Nazi EmptyTue Jul 06, 2010 4:46 am

Owlish wrote:

saeku wrote:
I dunno
about the SS, but many of the Nazi brownshirt leaders were openly gay,
including Ernst Röhm, their head and one of Hitler's right-hand men. The
more I research the Nazis, the more I believe that Nazi RPS is
plausible (although still not tasteful.)

...am I a horrible
person for believing that Röhm and Goebbels were totally gay for Hitler?
It's what the evidence suggests.
What exactly have you been reading, if I may ask? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Yeah, Rohm and Heines were apparently openly gay. Some newspaper in 1931 published letters from Rohm where he told a friend he was gay or something like that, and he didn't go and deny it or have the editor killed when Germany became a police state 2 years later.
Since Hitler and Rohm addressed each other as friends rather than formally, it's led many to suspect that Hitler was gay for Rohm, but that falls under cannot be confirmed and no real evidence to support it.
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PostSubject: Re: If I Was Your Nazi   If I Was Your Nazi EmptyTue Jul 06, 2010 6:02 am

Owlish wrote:
What exactly have you been reading, if I may ask? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Hot Cancer has got the evidence for Röhm. And as for Goebbels, he was married and fucked women, not all of whom were his wife. But here's a quote from his diary:

"Hitler is there. Great joy. He greets me like an old friend. And he looks after me. How I love him! [...] Heil Hitler. I want Hitler to be my friend. His photograph is on my desk."

He sounds like a teenage girl with a crush. Totally gay for Hitler. If I Was Your Nazi 961878
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PostSubject: Re: If I Was Your Nazi   If I Was Your Nazi EmptyTue Jul 06, 2010 12:47 pm

Well, it looks like a whole lot of people over there were fangirling for this guy at the time. Not all of them female.
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PostSubject: Re: If I Was Your Nazi   If I Was Your Nazi EmptyTue Jul 06, 2010 1:04 pm

I'm guessing the writer is a Manson-loving emo-brat. Doncha know Nazi imagery is sooo sexy and edgy? Honestly, I think a lot of the current popularity of WWII set fanfiction can all be boiled down to the evil that is Hetalia(sp?).

...And isn't Axel a bit too exotic looking to be SS? Too young as well I think, but don't quote me on that one.

Quote :

"How does it feel to be Aryan?"
Roxas leaned back in his seat and said, "I dunno. I don't really feel any different from anyone else."
"But you're the ideal German." Axel stated needlessly.
"I know. But so many other people could be the ideal German. Like people with black hair and green eyes." Roxas said. "But looks don't really matter to me."
"What do you mean?" Axel frowned.
"To me, it doesn't matter what people look like." Roxas said, playing with his necklace. "It matters what people do, what they say…that sort of thing."
"Same for me." Axel nodded in agreement. "I personally think this whole 'purification of Germany' is a bunch of crap. As long as we aren't killing each other in the streets, it's ok."
"Couldn't have said it better myself." Roxas said with a smile.

See, it's okay because they're good Nazis. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Quote :

"Everyone thinks Hitler's the best thing that's happened to Germany. They don't really know what he's been doing." Roxas said, staring at the dirt on the ground.
"He got Germany out of the Depression and that's all people care about." Axel said bitterly. "The German people don't care if millions are dying at Hitler's hand!"

Hm, somehow I think there was a bit more to it than that....

Actually I think the problem with the fic isn't so much a lack of sensitivity but the inability to humanize the characters without exposing a decidedly modern and American veiwpoint on the Reich.
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PostSubject: Re: If I Was Your Nazi   If I Was Your Nazi EmptyTue Jul 06, 2010 2:15 pm

Snoof wrote:
EileenK98 wrote:
Why Nazis? What is it about the Third Reich that makes these fanbrats want to stick their favorite characters in Nazi Germany?
The stylish Hugo Boss uniforms?

...nah, I got nothin'.
Pretty sure that is why though. Also why we are not going to get Saddam Sues, anymore than we have an influx of Vietcong Sues. You would think we would have more Cold War Russia Sues though, what with the sexy Russian spy cliche movies had going on for so long.
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PostSubject: Re: If I Was Your Nazi   If I Was Your Nazi EmptyTue Jul 06, 2010 3:44 pm

To repeat something I posted before, but am to lazy to look up:

The World War II Generation is mostly gone. To today's fanbrats, Nazis are basically just as real as Sephiroth, Pyramid Head, Voldemort, Megatron, and all sorts of other evil psychos fangirls schlick themselves over.
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PostSubject: Re: If I Was Your Nazi   If I Was Your Nazi EmptyTue Jul 06, 2010 5:18 pm

Vanilla-villa wrote:
Yaoi highschool fanfic. High-school Nazis who run concentration camps between classes.

Wow, it's like a perfect storm of badfic.

Quote :
Axel is running through Berlin, late for a meeting with Hitler.

That's not a phrase that's likely to lead to anything good.

Quote :
"He is currently meeting with Riku right now."

Paging the Department of Redundancy Department.

Quote :
next chapter: word of the death camps comes to Axel and Roxas

Um...didn't the first chapter feature them looking forward to rounding up Jews and delivering a report on the number killed?

Trioculus wrote:
The World War II Generation is mostly gone. To today's fanbrats, Nazis
are basically just as real as Sephiroth, Pyramid Head, Voldemort,
Megatron, and all sorts of other evil psychos fangirls schlick
themselves over.

I'm reminded of a fanfic someone wrote for S.M. Stirling's Draka series (in which evil South African Nazis-but-worse take over the world) where the Draka lost and have become stock movie villains to the younger generation. A surviving Draka who works in McDonalds ruefully notes that nobody is even scared of him anymore.
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PostSubject: Re: If I Was Your Nazi   If I Was Your Nazi EmptyWed Jul 07, 2010 12:18 pm

Trioculus wrote:
To repeat something I posted before, but am to lazy to look up:

The World War II Generation is mostly gone. To today's fanbrats, Nazis are basically just as real as Sephiroth, Pyramid Head, Voldemort, Megatron, and all sorts of other evil psychos fangirls schlick themselves over.

Are the kids these days really that stupid? (Or perhaps the better question is has the internet trivialized everything so completely?) I mean, I've never spoken with anyone at length who was really a part of all that and I still know that this story is in bad taste.

...However I am also a huge fan of Hellsing, so what the hell do I know?
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PostSubject: Re: If I Was Your Nazi   If I Was Your Nazi EmptyWed Jul 07, 2010 8:47 pm

Shinracentric wrote:

Are the kids these days really that stupid? (Or perhaps the better question is has the internet trivialized everything so completely?) I mean, I've never spoken with anyone at length who was really a part of all that and I still know that this story is in bad taste.

...However I am also a huge fan of Hellsing, so what the hell do I know?

Let's just say that when I was born, WWII had barely been over 10 years. Most of the men who'd fought in it were relatively young, just starting families, and it was a topic that was still discussed in depth both on TV and in the classroom. I think I was in third grade when WWII first became a concrete concept for me. It probably didn't hurt that my dad had actually fought in the European Theater and would, occasionally, mention things.

If my dad were still alive, he'd be 99 years old. A large majority of the veterans of WW II are dead, and wars, even ones that created something as horrific as the Holacaust, eventually becomes the past. I don't know how much they teach kids about it in school today, but I'd wager more attention is paid to the Gulf War, just like, by the time I was in Junior High and High School, the focus was on Vietnam, because that was the major war we were fighting.

That said, the fetishization of Nazis as sex objects just sits my teeth on edge. It would be different if we knew that the vast majority of Hitler's closest generals and the likes actively disagreed with him, and just kept their mouth shut because they didn't want to end up in a concentration camp. Unfortunately, from what we've learned, most of his followers were more than happy to engage in atrocities and his attempt to wipe out an entire race of people. Yes, the uniforms look snappy, but they were NOT nice people, and they would've had no interest in either you or your silly Sue/Stu self-insert.
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If I Was Your Nazi Empty
PostSubject: Re: If I Was Your Nazi   If I Was Your Nazi EmptyThu Jul 08, 2010 8:22 am

Trioculus wrote:
The World War II Generation is mostly gone. To today's fanbrats, Nazis are basically just as real as Sephiroth, Pyramid Head, Voldemort, Megatron, and all sorts of other evil psychos fangirls schlick themselves over.

In this case, the author seems to realize that the holocaust is real. She also know that it was the worst thing that ever happened ever, so she's trying to use it to make her fiction deep and give her characters moral challenges. This might work, if her characters were not video game yaoi stereotypes with the moral depth of a twelve-year-old. I would wager that the author is in middle school or a bit younger and just doesn't get how callous her characters are acting.

Some authors just don't get that big topics (rape, child abuse, the Third Reich) are not something that can be used to add impact to lackluster writing - they're subjects that you need to be a good writer to do any justice to at all.
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