Kisses and Angels

This little gem was an interesting little story I came across today whilst browsing through FFN. I admit that it is not as bad as some of the stories we've reported here, owing to the fact that the spelling and grammar are actually okay, that said there is something very wrong with it. Kira and Dukat randomly get together, have a baby and make a snap decision to marry. You heard me, Kira and Dukat. For those of you who did not watch Deep Space Nine, I will tell you right now that Kira absolutely detests him, and Dukat seems to enjoy irritating her.

So Kira gets up early for her duty shift, Dukat is there, and then the following happens:

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He was cut of because Nerys suddenly kissed him. The kiss was over as quickly as it began. When they broke apart Dukat was smiling. To his astonishment so was Nerys.

"I'll see you later then?" asked Dukat.

Kira goes around kissing men she hates all the time, especially war criminals.

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Kira walked over to Dukat and they continued walking toward the airlock. As soon as they reached the airlock Kira hugged Dukat tightly. "I'm pregnant," she whispered.

I see, and doesn't she think that Dukat would be likely to toss her out of said airlock? Oh I forgot, it's a badfic and these characters are nothing like the ones on the show.

Anyway, the baby is born, is named Marielle, and we get this stupid touching scene:

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"Have thought about telling your family about Marielle?"

"Why? My mother would just see her as more dishonor."
"What if you were married?" asked Kira while giving him the bottle. Dukat put the bottle in Marielle's mouth before answering.
"She would be okay with her then, but I'm not married."
"You could be in the next forty- eight hours. If you are willing to go through a Bajoran wedding."

Riiiiiight. Let me get this straight, Kira slept with a man she hates, carried his baby and then marries him on a whim in order to please his mother. A likely story.

So here we have the wedding scene:

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"Oh. How long is this going to take?"

"However long it takes to say the words."
"Oh. Do we start now?"
Kira nodded and got the bowl. She took the first drink. Julian started speaking, "Boray pree hadokee. Tolata impara boresh. Preeya Dukat, Preeya Nerys, Abrem varo atel."
Kira put the bowl down and kissed Dukat gently. Julian was a bit surprised that either of them even went through with the ceremony.
"Um... May I leave now?" asked Julian.

Dr. Bashir I do sympathize wholeheartedly, understandably you didn't want to be dragged into this fic and made to babble in fangirl Bajoran.

I think I will let you snark the rest, but you get the general idea.

Uhm. Why was Julian performing the ceremony instead of the Cisco? That probably bothers me more than anything else in this fic. >

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"Why? My mother would just see her as more dishonor."
"What if you
were married?" asked Kira while giving him the bottle. Dukat put the
bottle in Marielle's mouth before answering.

The line they meant to have next was:

"Yes, if I were married, especially to a Bajoran, which Cardassians as a people felt were inferior and no better than slave labor for the better part of a century! Oh, and I killed my parents, so I don't know why I care about their opinion!"

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"You could be in the next forty- eight hours. If you are willing to go
through a Bajoran wedding."

Wow, that's quick, considering that a Bajoran day is 26 hours long and she'd be basing her measurement of a day upon that frame of reference...


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BadficReadings wrote:

For those of you who did not watch Deep Space Nine, I will tell you right now that Kira absolutely detests him, and Dukat seems to enjoy irritating her.

I think you misrepresent the relationship just a little. This is like having a Nazi officer (who tried to kill his own half-Jewish daughter out of shame at her existence - remember Tora Ziyal?) suddenly getting together with a Jewish underground leader and having a happy Stepford family. In other words, not enough facepalms on the internet to describe this shit.

Found & posted this a while ago. [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Basically, there's no attempt to suggest why Kira and Dukat get together, not even a bad attempt. Okay, you're probably going to struggle very hard to come up with a good reason for Kira to jump on Dukat (Dukat would jump on anything that has a vagina), but you could at least try. There's pretty much zilch on how they feel about each other (which I would've considered kind of necessary info for a romance fic). It's just a flat description of actions and bland dialogue. They just have a child and it's presumably supposed to be all cuddly and fluffy, but the dialogue is totally and utterly without emotion making it read like an instruction manual for a flatpack wardrobe.
Shitty, shitty, shit shit shit.

Here's what Kira actually feels about being close to Dukat:

Import my snark from before, so people don't have to flick between threads:

Hot Cancer wrote:

So, I'll start my attempt at the challenge of with Kisses and Angels, some short, overly sweet Star Trek Deep Space Nine fluff, involving that very likely pairing of Gul Dukat and Major Kira, that isn't at all a complete no go that the writers weren't even a tiny bit ambiguous about.

Let's dive in:

The first chapter is set between Call to Arms and Sacrifice of Angels - ie. during the Dominion occupation of DS9, so Dukat is command of the station and Kira can't look at herself in the mirror over it. At least in the actual series anyway.

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"The time is 0500 hours."
Kira Nerys sat up sleepily. Once Again it was Monday. Kira hated Mondays. Sighing, she got up showered, and dressed. By the time she was finished it was only 0630 hours.

It took her an hour and a half to shower and get dressed? The only way it could've taken her that long is if she sat down with her vibrator for a while or spent ages on her hair or something - which is not something Kira would do.

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She found the promenade almost deserted. The only person on the promenade was a Cardassian who upon further study was Dukat.

Dukat, at this time the most powerful man in the quadrant, and a man of many vices, with access to unlimited supplies of alcohol, whores, and probably cocaine to boot is just hanging around on the Promenade at 6:30am? Sure.

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Surprised Dukat looked up and was even more surprised to find Major Kira standing there. "Please sit down, Nerys," he said.

Surprised Dukat is surprised. Incidentally, if you find a lost comma, please return it to this sentance immediately, it requires its inhaler.
And also there'd be a lot more disgusting smugness from Dukat, but that's a minor point.

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Nerys sat down and took a sip of her raktigino. "Why are you here, Dukat?"
"I am helping the Dominion take over the Alpha Quadrent."

DUH!!! NO SHIT! And he wouldn't describe it like that anyway.

So Kira sits down with him and just decides to kiss him. No explanation:

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Dukat smiled and stood up. "I should probably go before..."
He was cut of because Nerys suddenly kissed him

He was a cut of what? Lamb, Beef?

I really mean no explanation - no description of her motive in suddenly taking a romantic interest in the man who is to the Bajorans as Hitler is to the Jews - none whatsoever. If you have characters doing shit that they'd never do in the canon material please try to explain it.

Chapter 2 then skips to after Dukat's mental breakdown at the end of "Sacrifice of Angels" - Kira leads him away to be taken to the funny farm.

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Kira walked over to Dukat and they continued walking toward the airlock. As soon as they reached the airlock Kira hugged Dukat tightly. "I'm pregnant," she whispered.
Dukat pulled away from her slightly and smiled.

Again, no explanation of why she decided to have a child with the man she hates - just "I want to write lazily so accept it". Also, Dukat at this stage has had a complete meltdown and is babbling to his dead daughter and the only "good guy" he acknowledges is Sisko, I doubt he'd even listen to her.

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He was going to have another angel to take care of.
If Nerys let him near the child.

Because you did such a good job taking care of Ziyal didn't you? That decade in a Breen prison camp must've been a great childhood. Also, given that Kira's dislike of Dukat has gone out the window, I really don't see why he's worried.

Chapter 3:

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A/N: Starting with this chapter the story goes AU.

Two chapters too late, dear.

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Colonel Kira Nerys looked

KIRA'S STILL A MAJOR UNTIL THE END OF SEASON 6!!!! Sorry...

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A person came in the room

Kira: "JESUS CHRIST! Clean that up you sick fuck!"

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"Have thought about telling your family about Marielle?"
"Why? My mother would just see her as more dishonor."
"What if you were married?" asked Kira while giving him the bottle. Dukat put the bottle in Marielle's mouth before answering.
"She would be okay with her then, but I'm not married."

Replace the last line with: "Well let's see considering I'd be committing polygamy with my Cardassian wife* with whom I have SEVEN FUCKING CHILDREN already, I don't imagine she'd be pleased."

*I forget the exact line, but I think it's implied when he becomes leader of Cardassia that he got his family back.

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"You could be in the next forty- eight hours. If you are willing to go through a Bajoran wedding."
Dukat looked up at her. Had Colonel MAJOR Kira Nerys, the woman who had hated him years and attempted to kill him several times, just asked him, Gul Dukat; Former Prefect of Bajor, to marry her ?

No explanation yet again. Not even the slightest comment on how Kira feels or why she's doing it. Talk about failing Romanctic writing 101. This is just a description of actions, throw in more unneccessary words and we'd have the PG version of Tuxedo Mark.

Chapter 4:

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"So let me get this straight," said Doctor Bashir to Kira. "You want me to marry you and Dukat in a Bajoran wedding ceremony?"

Why Bashir? How is he qualified to do it? Because he dated Leeta for half a season? Why not Sisko, the Emissary of the Prophets and station commander? Since all canon is out the window and Kira doesn't hate Dukat, and Dukat isn't either insane or incarcerated, I don't see why he'd have a problem.

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After Julian left Marielle promptly started crying. "Guess I need to feed her," said Kira.
"I'll get the bottle," said Dukat.
Kira sat down on her side of the bed with her daughter in her arms. Dukat came back from the other room with the bottle and sat down beside Kira. Giving her the bottle he said, "I love you, Nerys,"
Kira smiled. "I love you to, Dukat."

Look at that touching family scene complete with robotic dialogue - doesn't it bring tears to your eyes?

Ugh. Chapter 5:

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Kira woke up when she felt Dukat get out of bed. She saw him walk over to the computer terminal and had it open a link to a specific place on Cardassia Prime.

Namely Dominion HQ where he transmitted full details on allied fleet strengths and positions to Weyoun and Damar.
The rest of this chapter is more robotic dialogue where Dukat looks for validation from his mother for having another half-Bajoran bastard child - I can just imagine him calling his Mommy prior to invading something "Hello mother, is it okay if I retake Terok Nor and invade the Bajoran system?".

And then when she's okay with it because of some handwaving Kira and Dukat decide to go to Cardassia because the author decided to just ignore the WHOLE FUCKING WAR that's going on because it's AU from Chapter 3.

Oh dear.

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For those of you who did not watch Deep Space Nine, I will tell you right now that Kira absolutely detests him

To fill in a few more of the blanks, Dukat is everything that Kira hates in Cardassians...namely, and arrogant piss who never truly understood why the Bajoran people weren't more grateful that his people occupied their world for the better part of a century.

Plus, putting all that aside, he did her mom years ago. Ew.

And was prefect of an Occupation (albiet towards the end) that killed 10 million Bajorans.

I never understand what the fascination is with Dukat in fanfiction. Yes, he's slick and charming. But that's the Cardassian "hat" - smug, condescending, arrogant bastards that would seduce you one minute, then blast you to atoms the next.

And Dukat in particular is the worst of the lot. He's an unrepentant psychopath who believes that the only way to convince people of his "nobility" is to kill them.

Yes, he keeps making passes at Kira. But that's not because he loves her - it's because he wants to break her. She represents everything about the Bajoran people that he loathes, and he believes that if he can bend her to his will then he will have won the Occupation.

I think the fanfiction obsession owes a lot Marc Alaimo's charisma and stage presence, he really makes Dukat work.

Spotts1701 wrote:

Yes, he keeps making passes at Kira. But that's not because he loves her - it's because he wants to break her. She represents everything about the Bajoran people that he loathes, and he believes that if he can bend her to his will then he will have won the Occupation.

You know, I never looked at it like that. I always thought he wanted to do Kira because he can't keep his dick in his pants (that we know of: Moreau, Naprem, Kai Winn, Mika, his own wife with whom he has 7 children, plus a probable array of other mistresses and Bajoran 'comfort women') and that in his own deluded mind, he probably thinks he's genuinely interested in Kira.

That theory makes just as much sense though.

I just read the most recent chapter of this (all 20 lines of it) and she's pregnant again.

I'm guessing the author is going to keep throwing babies into this until they get bored of writing.

Spotts1701 wrote:

I never understand what the fascination is with Dukat in fanfiction. Yes, he's slick and charming. But that's the Cardassian "hat" - smug, condescending, arrogant bastards that would seduce you one minute, then blast you to atoms the next.

And Dukat in particular is the worst of the lot. He's an unrepentant psychopath who believes that the only way to convince people of his "nobility" is to kill them.

Yes, he keeps making passes at Kira. But that's not because he loves her - it's because he wants to break her. She represents everything about the Bajoran people that he loathes, and he believes that if he can bend her to his will then he will have won the Occupation.

That's my take on Dukat too. He's probably the most psychopathic character that Star Trek ever created. It's easy to see how he can lie to women and use his charms to get them to sleep with him (as with Kira's Mother), but Kira is way too wise to his ways.

As for why the fangirls like him... well in fangirl land, hate = love and love = sex, and sex = babies. So in a twisted sort of way hate = babies to the fangirls. I probably shouldn't try applying logic to stories like this, but hey, somebody's got to.