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 Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here.

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Lexin
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Melissa
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Melissa
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Melissa


Join date : 2009-06-13
Age : 45

Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. Empty
PostSubject: Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here.   Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. EmptyTue Jun 16, 2009 3:53 pm

http://www.squidge.org/~peja/hercules/ChangeOfLife.htm

In a nut shell, Ares rapes Hercules, Hercules is strangely OK with it, OOCness happens, then the assbaby is introduced and Hercules is turned into a woman.

Quote :
: This story has been being written for a very long
time. My Hercules/Ares muse finally jumped up and bit me on the ass, so
I finished it tonight.

Yeah. Blame all this on a muse.

Quote :
Iolaus was almost bouncing with enthusiasm. He reached for a hug, thought better of it and settled for a handshake.

Yep, cuz these two never hug. Unless you count the very first episode, that time Iolaus died, that time Iolaus wasn't dead anymore, that time Hercules was going off to Olympus....

Quote :
. He took off his clothes, lounged on his blanket, rubbed sun-oil on his cheeks, his arms, his chest.

And here's the first anachronism. See, back in those days, Earth had something called an "ozone layer". This "ozone layer" protected the earth from harmful UV rays, making sun-oil largely unneeded.
Warning: Disturbing rape scene. True, Herc should've seen it coming since Ares had his hands all over him. Yet, Herc couldn't seem to find the strength to break his arms off. (Ares is a god, he'll grow new ones!)

Quote :
"Ares, stop!" Hercules attempted a futile struggle,
but his strength was gone. "Why can�t I stop you?" he groaned as he
collapsed beneath the god of war.

In complete control, Ares kissed him again, then
again. "Because you don�t really want to stop me. Now shut up, and just
accept it."

Without verbal permission, Ares entered into him and was brutally having sex into him.
Hercules moaned in pain, but Ares was not gentle,
pumped faster when the pain seemed worst, and Hercules was left crying
and shivering as it went on and on for what seemed like hours.

Yet, the whole thing ends with:
Quote :
Hercules rushed into his arms again, full lips crushing fuller ones. "I don't want you to go."
"I'll be back." Ares' kiss was gentle, he drew back from it with his eyes closed in torment. "I'll be back for you, my love."
"I love you, Ares."
"Don't you forget that, either." The god of war�s turbulent eyes were brimming. "You love me!"
"Yes, I do." Hercules tenderly touched his cheek.

Oh, barf! Since Ares can't be the bad guy now, that duty falls to Hades, who normally doesn't really have anything against Hercules.
Quote :
Hades shook his head. "I will take this news to Zeus and see what he has to say about it. I seriously doubt he will approve."

You mean the same Zeus who married his sister? The same Zeus who took a mortal named Ganymede to Olympus because Zeus thought he was cute? OK, neither fact was brought up in Legendary Journeys, but still....
Oh, and since when did adult Herc give a shit about his father's approval?

This thing is rather scattered with anachronisms, even by HTLJ standards. Here's another one I noticed:

Quote :
. "I would like to come for you Saturday. We need a Saturday together."

The word "Saturday" comes from the Roman god of the harvest and wasn't regularly used until 2 A.D. It would be glaringly out of place in Ancient Greece. Back to the fic:
Quote :

Fully understanding the principles of the antatomy,
Ares slid a hand between his legs and felt for his testes. He could not
find them. They were mysteriously absent.

"What are you doing?" Hercules asked.
"Just feeling around." Ares would not tell him his suspicions yet.
"They were sore for a while, then they just disappeared." Hercules said.
Ares nodded. He had a good idea who was responsible
for this act, the spiteful god of the underworld, who was supposed to
be a god of beauty, of peace. But then, Ares was the god of war. The
roles could have reversed somehow.

He kissed Hercules, whispered encouragement into his ear, and kissed him again. "You're not concerned?"
"No, I don't need them. I�m happy without them."

WTF? Your balls disappear and you just decide you didn't need them anyway? I'll admit, I don't have a pair myself, but if I woke up and found any of my body parts were suddenly gone, I'd be concerned, if not in a screaming panic.

Let's cut to the assbaby! And I do mean "cut". (Not for the squeamish)

Quote :
The medical man was just as perplexed as they were. "The only thing we can do is operate. To open him and remove the baby."
It was at that moment when Hercules let loose a loud
scream. Iolaus, who had, at that moment, peeked between his friend�s
legs, had seen the miracle. "The baby's trying to come out down here! I
saw a bulge here between his legs!"

As they came round, he touched the place with his
index finger and felt pressure. Then, he moved out of the way so
Hypocrates could feel it.

"The child will more than likely be born dead."
Hypocrates said as his fingers investigated. "He can be getting no air
in there."

OK, I'm no OBGYN, but don't unborn babies get oxygen through the umbibical cord?

And it ends with:
Quote :
Hercules was the same, except that now he was a
beautiful woman, Ares wife, and the two of them grew more in love every
day. Ares was still extremely good looking and was so proud of his
family that he boasted of them often to others.


Yeah. Hercules is a woman now, and a beautiful one at that and (s)he and Ares have a son who plays with lions. OK. Someone clobber Sarah now!
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Cyberwulf
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Join date : 2009-06-03
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Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. Empty
PostSubject: Re: Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here.   Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. EmptyTue Jun 16, 2009 4:09 pm

Melissa wrote:
And here's the first anachronism. See, back in those days, Earth had something called an "ozone layer". This "ozone layer" protected the earth from harmful UV rays, making sun-oil largely unneeded.
:law:
The earth still has an ozone layer, dumbass.
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Freezer
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Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 50
Location : Memphis, TN

Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. Empty
PostSubject: Re: Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here.   Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. EmptyWed Jun 17, 2009 2:00 am

Because just correcting her wouldn't have shown your superior knowledge quite enough, eh Wolf? :lolinsane:
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Cyberwulf
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PostSubject: Re: Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here.   Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. EmptyWed Jun 17, 2009 4:07 am

It's common knowledge that the earth still has an ozone layer, not 'superior knowledge'. By the way, when did you get so concerned about everyone playing nice?
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Lexin
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Join date : 2009-06-11
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PostSubject: Re: Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here.   Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. EmptyWed Jun 17, 2009 4:11 am

Well, it's crap story, but MPREG was hardly unknown to the gods of Olympus - wasn't there that stuff about Zeus giving birth from his leg?
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Freezer
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Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 50
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Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. Empty
PostSubject: Re: Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here.   Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. EmptyWed Jun 17, 2009 4:17 am

Cyberwulf wrote:
It's common knowledge that the earth still has an ozone layer, not 'superior knowledge'. By the way, when did you get so concerned about everyone playing nice?

I don't. If I did, I wouldn't have bothered pointing out your ridiculous overreaction.
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Cyberwulf
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PostSubject: Re: Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here.   Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. EmptyWed Jun 17, 2009 10:37 am

Calling someone a dumbass is "a ridiculous overreaction", yet you're not concerned about everyone playing nice.

Fucking LOL
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Braigwen
Why yes, I am a Rocket Scientist!
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Join date : 2009-06-14
Age : 44
Location : Punching Udina.

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PostSubject: Re: Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here.   Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. EmptyWed Jun 17, 2009 11:40 am

Lexin wrote:
Well, it's crap story, but MPREG was hardly unknown to the gods of Olympus - wasn't there that stuff about Zeus giving birth from his leg?

Yes there was a bit of Mpreg in ancient times. And Zeus gave birth from his forehead. AFTER Hephestus split it open with an axe just to see what the heck gave him a 9-month long migrane.
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Lexin
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Join date : 2009-06-11
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PostSubject: Re: Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here.   Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. EmptyWed Jun 17, 2009 11:45 am

Mythandariel wrote:
And Zeus gave birth from his forehead. AFTER Hephestus split it open with an axe just to see what the heck gave him a 9-month long migrane.
Who was it with the leg thing, then? I'm sure a leg came into it somewhere. [is confused]
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Melissa
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Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. Empty
PostSubject: Re: Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here.   Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. EmptyWed Jun 17, 2009 2:03 pm

Wulfie, please stop stalking me. If I didn't know better, I'd swear you were trying to pick a fight with me. BTW, I was using a form of humor called "hyperbole". Can you say "hyperbole"? Nope. Didn't think you could.

Lexin, I believe the leg myth was connected to Dionysis. From what I remember from reading Bullfinch and/or Hamilton, Hera was jealous of some woman Zeus impregnated (again) so, she boasted to this woman that she wasn't so special to Zeus because he never let her see his true godly form. So, Zeus' latest baby-mama starts badgering him to let her see his true form. Zeus agrees and she dies of shock. To save the baby she was carrying, Zeus kept embryotic Dionysis in his leg.
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Cyberwulf
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Join date : 2009-06-03
Age : 42
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Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. Empty
PostSubject: Re: Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here.   Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. EmptyWed Jun 17, 2009 3:59 pm

Melissa wrote:
Wulfie, please stop stalking me.
Excitedplz


Quote :
I was using a form of humor called "hyperbole".
No, you were using a form of stupid called stupid. The ozone layer thing doesn't make any sense. What, you think no-one got sunburned back in the time of Ancient Greece? The thing to go for was the sun-oil. Actually, scratch that, your whole snark is weak as fuck, anyway.
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anangrychocobo
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Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. Empty
PostSubject: Re: Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here.   Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. EmptyWed Jun 17, 2009 4:14 pm

Fight fight fight

Again
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Lexin
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PostSubject: Re: Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here.   Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. EmptyWed Jun 17, 2009 4:19 pm

Melissa wrote:
To save the baby she was carrying, Zeus kept embryotic Dionysis in his leg.
Thanks for that. I knew legs came into it somewhere.
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AngryRobotsInc
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Join date : 2009-06-10
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Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. Empty
PostSubject: Re: Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here.   Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. EmptyWed Jun 17, 2009 4:23 pm

Melissa wrote:
Wulfie, please stop stalking me. If I didn't know better, I'd swear you were trying to pick a fight with me. BTW, I was using a form of humor called "hyperbole". Can you say "hyperbole"? Nope. Didn't think you could.

Quote :
Main Entry:hy·per·bo·le Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. AudioPronunciation:

\hī-ˈpər-bə-(ˌ)lē\

Function:noun Etymology:Latin, from Greek hyperbolē excess, hyperbole, hyperbola, from hyperballein to exceed, from hyper- + ballein to throw
— more at devilDate:15th century

: extravagant exaggeration (as “mile-high ice-cream cones”)


Uhm. No.
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Freezer
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PostSubject: Re: Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here.   Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. EmptyWed Jun 17, 2009 5:48 pm

Cyberwulf wrote:
Calling someone a dumbass is "a ridiculous overreaction", yet you're not concerned about everyone playing nice.

Fucking LOL

Whatever, McCrankypants.
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Melissa
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Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. Empty
PostSubject: Re: Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here.   Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. EmptyWed Jun 17, 2009 8:54 pm

It's quite obvious Wulfie is only here to be a brat. I move we ignore her until she goes away.
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KJM
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PostSubject: Re: Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here.   Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. EmptyWed Jun 17, 2009 11:33 pm

I second that motion.
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Melissa
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Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. Empty
PostSubject: Re: Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here.   Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. EmptyThu Jun 18, 2009 9:21 am

Motion carried. Oh, and Lexin, I wikied it. Dionysus' mother's name in this particular myth was Semele. I was racking my brains trying to remember that detail.
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Cyberwulf
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Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. Empty
PostSubject: Re: Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here.   Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. EmptyThu Jun 18, 2009 10:53 am

Well, my work here is done.

btw melissa where is your oh so clever avatar??? it says bee-otch and there's a picture of a beeee
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AngryRobotsInc
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PostSubject: Re: Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here.   Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. EmptyThu Jun 18, 2009 11:49 am

Beause pointing out obvious stupidity is being bratty, but then using a word you obviously don't know the meaning of to excuse said stupidity isn't.

Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. Dvdrewinderie1
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Melissa
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PostSubject: Re: Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here.   Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. EmptyThu Jun 18, 2009 11:57 am

For a possible antidote, I'd like to recommend Scribe's Unexpected:
http://www.aresjoxercupidstrife.com/unexpected.html
It has good points and bad points. The sex is consensual, for the most part. (Magic springs cause a bit of a mind whammy.) Our heroes are in character. It can be funny, sexy and sweet at times. I personally don't care for the Strife/Cupid subpairing (especially the way Strife's speech is written.) And ret-conning the cause of deaths of Hercules' wives would just screw with the whole continuity. I mean, his struggle against the gods was a defining facet of the show. It was even mentioned in the opening credit sequence! Also, it doesn't look like it's getting updated, just when it was starting to take an interesting turn.

Oh, and I move we also ignore any of Wulfie's bootlickers as well.
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AngryRobotsInc
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PostSubject: Re: Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here.   Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. EmptyThu Jun 18, 2009 12:00 pm

Because thinking you're a moronic asswipe = licking Wulf's boots.
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Melissa
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Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. Empty
PostSubject: Re: Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here.   Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. EmptyThu Jun 18, 2009 12:02 pm

Say, Lexin, where'd you get your avi? I might like one like that.
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Lexin
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PostSubject: Re: Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here.   Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. EmptyThu Jun 18, 2009 2:16 pm

Melissa wrote:
Say, Lexin, where'd you get your avi? I might like one like that.

It's a piece cut out of an XKCD webcomic - http://xkcd.com/
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Melissa
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Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. Empty
PostSubject: Re: Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here.   Change of Life, because we need a bad M-preg on here. EmptyThu Jun 18, 2009 3:18 pm

Lexin wrote:
Melissa wrote:
Say, Lexin, where'd you get your avi? I might like one like that.

It's a piece cut out of an XKCD webcomic - http://xkcd.com/

Ah, yes. Thought the art style looked familiar! LOL!
I'm thinking of getting something featuring Opus, that is, if no one would feel offended by an anthropomorphic, somewhat political penguin. He's like Mallard Filmore, only a penguin. And funny.
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