So, I stumbled across this while looking for a Firestarter fanfiction to waste time with. Firestarter is, I think, my favorite Stephen King book, so I was hoping someone had maybe a GOOD story about what happens after the end of the book, or a GOOD story about Charlie growing up and going to college or something. Or at the very least, a fic about Charlie blowing shit up. I could have done with a mindless blow-shit-up fic. There were a grand total of three fanfictions in the Firestarter section. One looks okay, as it's a sequel-type fic; I'll have to look at it. One looked kind of blah and was full of OC's. I may go and take a look at it later, too, with some trepidation. The other one was....uh, this.
"Unknown" by Savnana. Way to misspell your own username.
Anyway, this story is fairly short. The description is promising, as is usual with fics like these:
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- A girl goes to a new school and meets a boy and is attacked by this crazy guy who thinks she is a powerful woman who he claims to have killed. So he is after her and to that I say "Let hunt go on" but will she escape from him and what about this boy?
Oh boy, this is going to be like Legolas by Laura, isn't it? Well, at least there's
some punctuation. So, I take a look inside, and am greeted by
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- “Angel don’t please don’t.” Aaron said. But it was to late. Angel was gone. Aaron sat and began to weep.
Please don't what? What did she do? Where did she go? Who is this Angel? What does this have to do with Firestarter? We don't know. We fast forward 15 years, where the story is just as incomprehensible and is for some reason divided into "chapters" within the same chapter, despite there being nine chapters.
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- Aaron went to unlock the door but it was already was unlocked. He thought one the girl was there but when he opened the door. There was a young girl with blond hair and light blue eyes. Aaron’s eyes got wide and he dropped the keys he bent down to get them. He noticed she had child with her “How can I help you?” He asked.
Try telling us what this has to do with Firestarter and when Charlie's going to make her entrance?
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- Then picked up a photo on his desk and looked at it. Then he realized that they where the same people in it just then she said something he didn’t understand. Just then she kissed him and at that moment he hared a crash on the floor. He looked at where it came from and it was Gabriella at the door.
OH NO, NOT GABRIELLA! ANYONE BUT GABRIELLA! SHE CAN'T SEE THIS RANDOM TRESPASSING LADY KISSING...wait,
who is Gabriella?
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- She had dropped the bag and ran out tares running down her face.
Whoever she is, she cries tears made out of either pandas or scientific balances. Dude,
I want that power. Imagine if you will, your worst enemy has you cornered, and is about to shove your head in a toilet. You start to cry out of humiliation and fear. Suddenly, YOUR TEARS BECOME FUCKING PANDAS AND RIP YOUR ENEMY TO SHREDS. Your swirlie days are over, man!
Anyway, Angel (the blond girl, apparently) chases after this Gabrielle lady and corners her in an alleyway, and we finally find out some things about the people here. Gabriella and Aaron are going out, and Angel has a husband and son. Yawn.
They walk back to the house and find that NOES the baby Jason (I think) has been kidnapped, apparently by Angel's X-Husband. What, is he Wolverine or something? Or Pyro? Maybe we're actually getting into stuff about mutants and powers andf scientific fuckups and stuff related to, y'know, Firestarter?
Angel suddenly grows wings, too. IS SHE PART OF A SHOP EXPERIMENT??
Please?
- Quote :
- Her skin was boiling hot
YEEES HER X-HUSBAND IS A MUTANT AND HE'S GOING TO BURN HER WITH HIS MIND!
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- just then Jason started to cry again Angle leaped at her son and grabbed him vanished again.
NOOOOOOOO FUCK I wanted to see some boiling organs
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] . Aaand we're back to the high-schoolish drama nobody gives a shit about. Angel puts her baby in a basket full of witch (Pureed? Minced? Diced?) and tells us her saaad story. Apparently the only thing special about this X-husband is a perfectly nice guy who suddenly turned evil. Maybe he's possessed by an evil spirit? Or maybe he sold his soul to Satan or something. Either way, he's done gone bad, and Angel confesses all of this to her friends, and suddenly His Evilness appears! Can we has mindfires now? NOW?
...
Damn it, no. It looks like the only mindfires we get are the ones that are caused by this fic melting your brain. We get some stupid Looney Tunes-esque chase scene where they're all running after each other until somebody tackles somebody and Angel rushes to help her brother.
No, wait, it turns out it's not Mark, it's LUKE.
Mark's twin brother. At least tell me he's telekinetic. Give me that. HIS NAME IS LUKE FOR SHIT'S SAKE, THE FORCE POWERS NEED TO BE THERE. PLEASE? PLEEEAAASE?
- Quote :
- “U… I’m lost Angel who is this?”
No, but he is the one character I can sympathize with. Completely confused and lost and feeling like his head has been banged on the floor. Luke mah boi, this is what all truly sensible people would feel upon reading this crap.
Mark (are we sure it's not a triplet brother?) appears again, and this time he gets a kick in the knee! Yeah, you go Angel! Kick that bastard in the knee for being lame and not a psion. Yeah, he deserved that for leading me on like that. So suddenly somebody's mom appears (presumably Angel's) and scolds them all for fighting. Then we compare the baby to some people in the family, Mark tries to steal the baby again, the baby bites him, and laughs are had by all.
Uh, okay. That's just the first chapter. Maybe there's something relevant in the second chapter? Maybe it even improves. Let's check.
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- “Angel don’t please don’t.” Aaron said. But it was to late. Angel was gone. Aaron sat and began to weep
...wait. Huh?
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- Chapter.1
15 Years later
Aaron went to unlock the door but it was already was unlocked. He thought one the girl was there but when he opened the door.
Whaaaaaat, IT'S THE SAME DAMN THING. Maybe it's a mistake, y'know, an upload error. On to the third chapter!
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- “Angel don’t please don’t.” Aaron said. But it was to late. Angel was gone. Aaron sat and began to weep.
Oh for crying out loud!
It turns out, ALL of the chapters are the exact same thing, posted over and over again, without any noticeable changes in storyline, spelling, or grammar. It's just the same thing. It was all published at one time, too, so...what the fuck?
First of all, I want to know what this has to do with Firestarter. Or anything, for that matter. Answer: nothing. It's not even Firestarter by Laura. It's NOTHING by Laura. Second, why is the same "chapter" posted over and over again? Third, the description has NOTHING to do with the fic, with the exception of the names.
What.
And there is one, solitary, tiny review:
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- Ive read it all i say its really good
...Really? You read it all, and think it's good? *Checks profile* Um, no stories, no profile description, nothing. I smell a rat, guys. Or at least a review whore. Or maybe a troll. Who knows? Either way, it's stupid.
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