Violent Caresses ~*~stabbity, stabbity!~*~ (A firefly fic)

I can't believe I haven't even looked at the Firefly section yet! Oh. Em. Gee. So many Rayne fics. So many Mal-has-a-daughter fluff fics.

Also, I have a knack for finding first time writer's fics. :-/

Violet Caressess: What heppens when a companion freind of Inara's comes on Firefly and finds romance in the crew? Read to find out! IxM, MxOC, JxOC NO FLAMES, REVIEW!

I think what drew me to this fic was the 'NO FLAMES, REVIEW!'

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(AN: Welcome to my 1st Firely fanfic! Im so excited! I now its going to be great, so review & favrite. Thanks to Shila for helping me w/ this!)

Shila needs to try a little harder as a beta, methinks.

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(Disclaimer: I only own Maeve, evry1 else is Joe Swedon’s! Dont sue me!!1)

I'm sure Joe Swedon won't. Joss Whedon, on the other hand, might.

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Inara braided a girl’s hair. It was a rich chesnut with beutiful purple streeks thru it.

Purple streaks through the hair; chestnut was shocked and outraged!

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She was indeed gorgous, with alabasar skin, delicate features, vuluptous curves, and full kissable lips.

Maybe it's just me and I'm reading too many typos into this, but I keep seeing "vuluptous" as "vultureuptous".

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Maeve and Inara went to the same companion school, but Maeve was only 18 and was just now able to work as a companion.

Wow, Inara must have been held back a lot in Companion School!

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All the men looked at them with desire. Maeve blushed, because she was young and a virjin.

Tee hee! I'm so innocent!

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He smiled pervertly at her, putting his hand on her ass when he talked to her and starring at her boobs.

"They will star in the greatest film of all time: Peter Piper Pickled a Pair of Pineapples!"

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Maeve had to agree, because she was a prostitute, but she was whorified.

You can say that again! *dies laughing*

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“Oh, INara!” she whimpered. “A whorible man wants to sleep with me tonight!”

"He goes to whores! It's whoreable!"

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“Oh no!” Inara cried. “Thats a very evil man! He raped 2 companions at the same time for 48 hours strate!”

Dood's got stamina!

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“Oh, Inara!” Maeve cried despretly. “I dont want to loose my virjinity to a man like that! I want my 1st to be a gentle man, with lots of experience, whose brave and strong!”

“Dont worry Maeve, I know someone just like that!” Inara exclaimed. “After the pary, come back onto Firefly with me, so you can escape that pedofile and Ill introduce you to a man.”

But Companions aren't children... OH NEVER MIND!

Obvious troll is obvious. Got to be a troll. Her Harry Potter story is even worse: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] All that awful spelling, all those homonyms, all those cliches...

Actually, it wouldn't surprise me at all if this turned out to be from the Bad Story competition a few months ago.

Yea, the spelling of the word horified is just too glorious to be a coincidence.
The only other explanation is the Beta finding the mistake and thinking it too hilarious to take out.

Euhm, didn't Companions get to choose the people they were going to accompany/sleep with? Inara does say something like that in the series.

Why yes, yes they do.

I'm still trying to figure out how anyone could spell virginity with a 'j'

Also, pedofile. I'm assuming this is the special file they keep the names of all known child molesters in?

"Violent Caresses"?

The title alone reeks of weapons-grade suck.

Forget flames, we should start a full-fledged bonfire to incinerate this thing.

Actually, Chris, "Violent Caresses" is the name I gave the snark. The name of the fic is "Violet Caresses", which isn't a lot better.

Hello everyone. Nice to see you find my writings amusing. If you couldn't tell by the correct grammar I am now using, both my stories were indeed trolls. However, I wasn't aware of a bad story contest; I just enjoy badfic so much that I wanted to write some myself. I was afraid I was going over the top, but I got some kicks out of it and wasn't planning on updating again (I couldn't manage to write troll-virginity-losing scene), so I can't complain. This was my first troll, and most likely my last.

But it was such a good effort! It made it here, after all, and yes, there have been and probably will be again badfic-writing contests.
...
Although, authors that truly are awful and think they're swell are actually much more fun.

Still, nice troll.

I, for one, certainly got a laugh out it.

Whorified. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]