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 The Horrors Of Leslita, Part I: PANCAKES (NWS, Image-Heavy)

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Zeiss Manifold
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PostSubject: The Horrors Of Leslita, Part I: PANCAKES (NWS, Image-Heavy)   Mon Oct 26, 2009 2:33 pm

The first in a hopefully(?) ongoing series; the “Lesbian Lolita” collection at asstr.org is something of a legend on weepingcock, and for good reason.

By quamp common logic, two girls going at it together make for serviceable porn. Three girls going at it together can make for even better porn. So, what if you had an entire city of girls continually going at it? That should make for the best porn ever, right? That’s what the writers of [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] set to find out, and unfortunately for them, it doesn't - as you can see from the graph.
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Yes, you heard right; the whole setting takes place in Wafflevania a budding, female-exclusive metropolis whose entire existence seems to be centered around making random acts of sapphism. Lesbian Land has no garments proper, only stripper-wear. Lesbian Land doesn't have ordinary TV's, it has blaring, irremovable, wall-sized viewing screens that display nothing but porn. Lesbian Land doesn't have ordinary sports, it has competitive cunnilingus. Lesbian Land doesn't have bars, it has...let's not even go there.

“Cindy”, though, has no qualms at all with any of this.
Quote :
"The sign in large neon pink letters blinked on and off `Lesbian Land'.Nice title, Cindy thought. A domed city devoted exclusively to lesbian's. No men, no bisexual women (at least that they knew of!) just pussy licking women. And lot's of them too, Cindy smiled.
Take her down to the lesbian city, where the dildos shine and the floors are filthy! Soon, she gets a demonstration of the city’s sole export:
Quote :
The gateway to `lesbian land' was in the shape of a vulva. She ran her hand along the slick wet sides of the huge labium, water washed down the inner sides of the structure and a little mist sprayed into her face."
Freud: *EXPLOSION*
Christo: AT LAST MY RUINOUS PLAN IS COMPLETE
And yes, you’ll be seeing a lot of this. Whoever controls the juice controls the universe, it seems, and said “Cunt juices” comprise the entire cultural, economic, and infrastructural base of the city. I'm not kidding when I say that the main characters end up consuming gallons of this stuff by the end.

This is a huge story, though, and the lulz is diluted from time to time by One Rule-breakage and the fact that a good half of it reads something like this:
Quote :
Cindy got up to use the toaster. The toaster was shaped like a vagina.
That said, out of all the highlights, the one that I feel most captures the spirit of the story is in Chapter 8, [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]:
Quote :
"Lisa set the dildo down next to Cindy, pushed her legs apart and spread her pink lips. She then slipped the speculum into Cindy's cunt and pulled on the handle. Cindy's inner folds spread wide, and her cunt gapped open. The spacious opening gave Lisa a clear view of Cindy's cervix. Her pink inner walls slick and dripping with excitement.
A speculum? But does she want to help cure Cindy of an infection, or give her one?
Quote :
Lisa then brought several items to the table. Some breast milk, white flower, baking powder, eggs, and some blueberries."
…The latter, it seems.
Note that the only thing Lesbian Land manufactures is breast milk. ‘Cause it’s EROTIC.

Quote :
"What are you planning?" Cindy questioned.

"Three guesses and the first two don't count. But I hope you like cunt cakes."

"Cunt cakes?"
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Quote :
"You know pancakes, only the mixing bowl is your sweet, juicy cunt."
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The two then proceed to make THE LEAST SANITARY BREAKFAST EVER:

Quote :
Lisa cracked an egg on the edge of the table and then held it above Cindy's gapping hole. Slowly the yoke and white oozed from the eggshell and into Cindy's cunt. Cindy gasped as she felt the cool, slimy egg sink into her birth canal. Lisa cracked and added a second egg, then added the white flower with baking power and a cup of breast milk. One by one, Lisa dropped in the blueberries.
You’d think a city full of nothing but women would at least have some knowledge on how to prevent yeast infections. Someone’s vagina dentata are going to end up with cavities by the end of this.

Quote :
"So Cindy, could you have ever imagined your cunt would be made into a mixing bowl before coming here?"

"Never," she said.
CINDY HAS ACQUIRED THE VAG OF HOLDING

Quote :
Lisa dropped the last of the blueberries into Cindy's vagina then pulled the speculum out. Cindy's hole closed quickly, but some of the breast milk spilled out and flowed down between her ass cheeks.

"I'm making a mess," Cindy said.
Oh ha ha ha CONSIDERING THERE IS A YEAR’S HARVEST-WORTH IN YOUR NETHER REGIONS YOU ARE BEING QUITE NONCHALANT ABOUT THIS

Quote :
Cindy made some yummy noises as Lisa continued to fuck her blueberry flavoured pussy.
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Quote :
Lisa picked up the dildo and placed it against Cindy's puffy, pink lips. She pushed hard once and three inches of it disappeared into Cindy's hole. Cindy watched as a bluish liquid gushed out between the ring of her vagina and the dildo.
Lisa: Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner Tide is made!
Cindy: :/

Quote :
"Cum for me honey, it will make the cuntcakes taste so much better if they're drenched in your discharge."
Cindy moaned. She couldn't help but cum at this point.
Cindy: Oh yes, it gets me so hot when you talk about discharge like that!
Gynecology HQ: QUICK BARRICADE THE DOORS

Quote :
"Yes Cindy, cum... cum in the batter, make it taste and smell of you."
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] the lesbians are weeping
Cindy tells me they’ve given up cooking alone
And now they’re so confused by their new diseases
But she tells me that she has yet to break a sweat
Left the Bisquick to mould in the cabinette
Even though all her meals require insane cleaning

Some of them yeast and some of them feast
But it’s nothing I would want in the least
It’s a batter, such a batter, ooh
Oh what a batter to make a cuntcake from…


Quote :
Cindy continued to cum and her vagina became a sloppy, sopping mess of blueberry batter.

Lisa pulled the dildo free and grabbed a metal pan. This she placed on the floor. "Squat over this and spread."
Well that sure seems like a logical thing to OH FUCK THIS
guys
LET’S HAVE A [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] REACTION FACE PARTY [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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Quote :
Cindy slid off the table and squatted over the pan. The blueberry batter dripped out of her cunt in long, stringy strands.
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Quote :
It pooled in the pan, slow spreading out to cover the surface.
"Push, Cindy, push it all out."
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Quote :
Cindy used her inner muscles to force the mucus like mixture out. Her cunt farted a few times, as the trapped air escaped. A fine spray of blueberry batter and cunt juice followed each pussy fart.
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Quote :
Cindy grinned as she squeezed the bottle and a jet of maple syrup surged into her cunt, glazing her inner walls.
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Quote :
Cindy pushed the rolled up blueberry cake into Lisa's hole. It was about ten inches long and two inches thick, and to Cindy's amazement she was able to fit it all in without it bending or breaking.
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Quote :
Each bite was more flavourful then the last. Her tongue swirled around Lisa's stretched hole, licking up the creamy, blueberry, syrup and cunt flavoured fluid.
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Quote :
Her finger still worked Lisa's anus, pumping her anal chasm full of syrup.
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Quote :
Her pussy muscles clenched down on the cuntcake, pushing a gooey, blob of bluish fluid out.
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Quote :
Cindy smeared Lisa's tits with the sticky cream that she had been pumping into her ass, then she leaned over and sucked her nipples clean, but left some of the gooey, sticky cream on her firm tits.
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Quote :
Cindy pulled the last six inches of the cake out of her cunt and brought it up to Lisa's mouth. She leaned against Lisa's chest so their tits would mash together and stick.
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Quote :
Cindy fed Lisa the dripping wet cuntcake. It was breaking apart as she feed it to her, bits sticking to her cheeks and chin. Lisa's face was as messy and gooey as hers. When the last of the cuntcake was swallowed, they kissed deeply and took turns licking each others face clean.
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Quote :
"Yes, you have to have your pussy juices milked, which you are going to love, and then we have to get you a job."
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Quote :
"Well then I think we should get started," Lisa said, "But first our pussy's need a cleaning." She slipped a finger into Cindy's hole. "You're still very sticky."
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Miss Prince
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PostSubject: Re: The Horrors Of Leslita, Part I: PANCAKES (NWS, Image-Heavy)   Mon Oct 26, 2009 2:47 pm

I killed myself laughing. This is... wow. I can't even...

You've found a keeper, Zeiss.
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Lurv
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PostSubject: Re: The Horrors Of Leslita, Part I: PANCAKES (NWS, Image-Heavy)   Mon Oct 26, 2009 2:51 pm

Haha, oh god.

Good thing I didn't like pancakes much to begin with, though.
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frostflowers
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PostSubject: Re: The Horrors Of Leslita, Part I: PANCAKES (NWS, Image-Heavy)   Mon Oct 26, 2009 2:55 pm

This story obviously takes place in that [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]. This makes it entirely plausible - I mean, if the Chinese believe it, it's perfectly plausible, right?

.... Right?

In other news, this story just ruined my plans to have pancakes for lunch tomorrow. Damn it.
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Dr. Professor Science
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PostSubject: Re: The Horrors Of Leslita, Part I: PANCAKES (NWS, Image-Heavy)   Mon Oct 26, 2009 8:24 pm

Dear Zeiss, I give you my heart.

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theweirdkind
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PostSubject: Re: The Horrors Of Leslita, Part I: PANCAKES (NWS, Image-Heavy)   Mon Oct 26, 2009 8:28 pm

I'm laughing so hard right now. That was a great snark. I remember you posting this in the chatbox on the House. It's still horrific.
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Rabid Badger
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PostSubject: Re: The Horrors Of Leslita, Part I: PANCAKES (NWS, Image-Heavy)   Mon Oct 26, 2009 9:08 pm

DAMMIT, ZEISS, IT ISN'T BAD ENOUGH I HAVE TO READ THIS CRAP ON WEEPING COCK?! NOW YOU'RE DRAGGING IT OVER HERE!

This is why we can't have nice things. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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bleachedblackcat
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PostSubject: Re: The Horrors Of Leslita, Part I: PANCAKES (NWS, Image-Heavy)   Mon Oct 26, 2009 9:28 pm

Oh god I'd wiped all memory of this from my mind. THANKS ZEISS FOR GIVING ME BACK MY NIGHTMARES.
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Waffles
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PostSubject: Re: The Horrors Of Leslita, Part I: PANCAKES (NWS, Image-Heavy)   Mon Oct 26, 2009 11:03 pm

This is and forever shall be my utopia. If only the womexxn in this City of Dreams had massive cocks. How dare you insult it, you dirty maxxn? You shall be smote by my holy vagina! Do not tempt me, human, for my vagina is more powerful than you can ever be. Its flaming acidic fetuses and clitorbeams shall tear down the walls of your dirty maxxle mind.
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Zeiss Manifold
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PostSubject: Re: The Horrors Of Leslita, Part I: PANCAKES (NWS, Image-Heavy)   Mon Oct 26, 2009 11:21 pm

Waffles wrote:
If only the womexxn in this City of Dreams had massive cocks.

Quote :
womexxn

Quote :
cocks

Quote :
womexxn with massive cocks.

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PostSubject: Re: The Horrors Of Leslita, Part I: PANCAKES (NWS, Image-Heavy)   Tue Oct 27, 2009 12:11 am

WAFFLES HOW DARE YOU LIE TO US I THOUGHT YOU HAD AN OMNIPOTENT MAGICAL VAGINA THAT COULD SMITE LESSER BEINGS FROM AFAR.

Zeiss. You are absolutely spectacular.
:lolinsane:
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Delcat
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PostSubject: Re: The Horrors Of Leslita, Part I: PANCAKES (NWS, Image-Heavy)   Thu Oct 29, 2009 7:04 pm

Quote :
Cindy got up to use the toaster. The toaster was shaped like a vagina.
Either they're going to have to settle for one slice at a time, or they're built funny.

I would snark more but oh my God dying at Reaction Face Party
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Dragonfli



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PostSubject: Re: The Horrors Of Leslita, Part I: PANCAKES (NWS, Image-Heavy)   Fri Jan 21, 2011 11:44 am

i was like omg! when my friend first told me about this
but after seeing it actually written makes it all the more funny
it was like i couldn't look away
like a car accident
thank you for scaring me for life
it was one of the few times i enjoyed it
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WD40
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PostSubject: Re: The Horrors Of Leslita, Part I: PANCAKES (NWS, Image-Heavy)   Fri Jan 21, 2011 12:08 pm

Gawdammit, for a second there I thought Ziess was back... No

Now I'm sad, and it's all your fault Necroposting Newbie Angry

You're okay really, don't mind me.
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Vanilla-villa
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PostSubject: Re: The Horrors Of Leslita, Part I: PANCAKES (NWS, Image-Heavy)   Sat Jan 22, 2011 2:35 pm

Oh god, I literally laughed out loud. This is everything but erotic, and absolutely hilarious
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PostSubject: Re: The Horrors Of Leslita, Part I: PANCAKES (NWS, Image-Heavy)   Sat Jan 22, 2011 3:38 pm

Quote :
Cindy got up to use the toaster. The toaster was shaped like a vagina.
How much toast can a twat toaster toast?

None, because French sticks aren't toast.
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Rabid Badger
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PostSubject: Re: The Horrors Of Leslita, Part I: PANCAKES (NWS, Image-Heavy)   Sat Jan 22, 2011 7:35 pm

Vanilla-villa wrote:
Oh god, I literally laughed out loud. This is everything but erotic, and absolutely hilarious

What's disturbing is that there's an entire ARCHIVE of this stuff. Sections of it frequently get posted on the Weeping Cock LJ, and they're all as spectacularly brain-breaking as this. It's like an endless gyser of badly-written, totally implausible porn.
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SlayerOfStupidity



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PostSubject: Re: The Horrors Of Leslita, Part I: PANCAKES (NWS, Image-Heavy)   Sun Mar 20, 2011 6:39 am

I fear that this actually turned me straight. D:
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PostSubject: Re: The Horrors Of Leslita, Part I: PANCAKES (NWS, Image-Heavy)   Sun Mar 27, 2011 12:44 am

SlayerOfStupidity wrote:
I fear that this actually turned me straight. D:

Those "we can turn you straight" 'therapy' programs should get their hands on this.

It didn't turn me straight, but it definitely turned me off pancakes for a while.
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Kevin M
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PostSubject: Re: The Horrors Of Leslita, Part I: PANCAKES (NWS, Image-Heavy)   Wed Jul 13, 2011 3:12 pm

Bravo my friend.

Bravo.
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PostSubject: Re: The Horrors Of Leslita, Part I: PANCAKES (NWS, Image-Heavy)   Sat Jul 16, 2011 12:56 am

One undiluted wave of wtf. Zeiss is truly a brave soul.

About 3/4 of the way through I couldn't bear to read anymore so I just looked at the funny images and stayed happy.
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