Nintendo Fan's Lust

Ladies, Gentlemen and everyone else, Why, God, Why proudly presents: Nintendo Fan's Lust, by JoshCube.
This is a fic like no other; a classic tale of a Nintendo fanboy, sex, gallons of cum, blowing, scooting and pregnancy! In the immortal words of the great virgin author himself, the summary:

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Ok I have noticed that alot of people now days dont make stories about themselves, well I hope that changes cause sometimes it makes it more interesting. I dont like making erotic stories too long, so here is a short one. This is a story about me having sex with Peach, Zelda, and Samus. Nintendo girls I have loved ever since I was a child. Though they arent real, I share a special bond with them. The funny thing is, I diddnt start getting a nasty mind about them till I was about 12 years old, then I started to think dirty about them. So yeah, its a special bond. Like once my innocent mind grew up with them, and then my adult-hood went to the next level.

Let the snark...begin!

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Ok I have noticed that alot of people now days dont make stories about themselves,

:insert smiley doing a spit take here:

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well I hope that changes cause sometimes it makes it more interesting.

No...no, it usually doesn't.

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I dont like making erotic stories too long, so here is a short one.

It's hard typing with one hand, after all.

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I diddnt start getting a nasty mind about them till I was about 12 years old, then I started to think dirty about them. So yeah, its a special bond. Like once my innocent mind grew up with them, and then my adult-hood went to the next level.

Puberty was inordinately unkind to you, was't it?

This is my first snark since GAFF. That is because I am not funny - in fact, I am the antithesis of funny. I am so unfunny, funny takes one look at me and shrivels up and dies; I'm so unfunny, it kills kittens. For serious, guys.
But here goes anyway:

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In the final room, I was up against Bowser, Ganon and Mother Brain. With my final blow, I sent all of them flying far away out of the castle and bam, they were gone, I had defeated them with my final blow.

Really, with your final blow?

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Josh: Yeah it wasent that hard, just doing my work being a loyal Nintendo fan.

That line seriously reminds me of something a friend I had at school would have said. It has that tacked-on, shout-out thing going on.
Also, the hardness is still to come. I know you know what I mean.

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Samus: Well I am an expert at keeping the body fresh and healthy with massages.

Samus Aran: by day, a bounty hunter, and wielder of deadly weapons who leaves people burnt and very definitely dead; by night, a masseuse, restorer of bodily health. She occasionally gets the two mixed up, however.

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Zelda: I will work you arms, Peach can do something else mabey.

Like his legs? That would be a sensible place to--oh, never mind then.

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Josh: Thats fine.......mmmmm...

Homer Simpson: Mmmmm…fine…

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Then she started to go lower to where my dick was.

JoshCube’s Anatomy - now the anatomy textbook.

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Now we were all laying in our undies and panties.

Then he stuck his sex in her sex and they had sex!
Seriously, undies and panties? In a fic he says shouldn’t be read by anyone under 18? …I shouldn’t
even try to make sense of it, should I?

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Peach: You like it huh? I knew you would you little pervert!

Listen to the Princess - she speaks the most sense of anyone here!

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So Zelda scooted

Stop it. Stop it now

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As I was stroking Zelda, Peach got to the front of Zelda and opened her legs and scooted next to Zelda's Face. Zelda went lower as I fucked her and she started to lick Peach's pussy which turned me on even more and I started to fuck Zelda faster.

Given how crude his language has suddenly become, I have a feeling this ‘faster’ is directly related to what he’s doing inside his pants at this point in the story.
Please stop with the scooting.

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I started getting so horney that I was on level 3 which was the state where I wanted to come.

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But since I havent fucked Samus yet, I would want to let my load in her. So I got Samus and went up to her body and bent her legs in the air with her ass facing upwards.

Human females != sex dolls.
You can tell with which one of these JoshCube has more experience. And that's surprising, given that not even your average sex doll would want anything to do with him.

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Josh: I am cumming soon!! I have to pull.
Zelda: Well pull then.
Josh: Do you want me to!?
Peach: Nah, its under control.
Samus: *gasp* *pant*......no Josh......*pant*.....blast your fucking cum right
in my pussy. BLAST YOUR LOAD DOWN MY HOLE!!!
Josh: Huh!?
Zelda: Dont mess with his mind like that or he will.
Peach: Um, its no prob. It is under control.

Even if it had been erotic previously, this would have killed the mood completely. As it is, it just increases my laughter to Level 4, which is the state where I start snorting.

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I was ramming my dick inside Samus faster and faster and faster

By ‘Samus’, read ‘my hand’.

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and my body shifted towards her tender ass. I was fucking her so fast I was like a starved Metroid without blood for days. Samus's breasts bounced up and down as she layed on the bed as I constantly rammed her like a fucking jackhammer at a construction site.

And the prize for the most unerotic sex scenes goes to…

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Josh: EEEEeaaaagghhh!!
Samus: *scream*

Uh, yay for continuity in style, I guess…

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I slowly looked at my dick as we heard a few splats, splurts, and funny bubbly noises.

You. Doctor. Now.
By which I mean, ‘see a psychiatrist’.

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After I filled her hole, I went and put my mouth on her pussy and told her to cum. She cummed right into my mouth and I drank her pussy-cum and then swallowed it. (Yummy!)

What do you mean ‘I can’t do this’? All women can cum on demand, you freak!

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I grabbed one of her leg and held it up as I scooted my body towards her.

Shut the fuck up. There, I said it. Happy?

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After her pussy-cum went on my hard dick, I turned Peach over and fucked her dry asshole and then pulled my dick out. Her asshole dripped with her own cum.

Well, at least he used lube…

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One last thing I wanted to try (since this is the Nintendo World and you can pretty much do anything.) I put my fingers toward my head and closed my eyes and jumped by orgasm level up a notch using the Nintendo Power.

That is so…random. And I don’t mean that in a good way. At all.

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After that I slammed my dick into Zelda's pussy and filled it up with cum.

It’s like he’s one of these machines they use to fill doughnuts.
…And now I may have just put myself off doughnuts for a while…

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I grabbed Peach, Zelda, and Samus's heads and opened each of their mouths.

This objectification is why Josh is still a virgin. Or at least it would be, were it not also for his pathetic attraction to pixels, extreme Nintendo Fanboyism, and no knowledge whatsoever of what’s even vaguely erotic.

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They thought they could pwn me, but it seems I pwned them.

Again, that’s just…out of place.

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We all feel asleep on the bed as the girls hugged me, and I hugged them. The night drifted away, and the soft winds blowed

Conclusion: JoshCube really likes blowing. And scooting and bouncing, but they’re not sexual.

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A few months passed, all of the girls got pregnant and I had to force them to take the pill. It was the greatest experiene a Nintendo Fan ever had.

That juxtapositioning is brilliant, but just for all the wrong reasons.

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I am 20 and I am still a virgin. I dont plan on losing my virginity till I am married because of religion and morals.

Yeah, of course, religion and morals, right…you just keep telling yourself that...

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But its only a matter of time before I go where no Nintendo Fan has gone before.

Must resist urge to laugh...

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I have never had a girlfriend, and a girl only kissed me once. I would do anything for a girlfriend.

Learn to treat females as human first, then -- nope, you still won’t have one.

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Also, I masturbated to this story after I was done. So that is a trademark.

We did not need to know that. It may just require the breaking out of the Brain Bleach.

This fic being a personal favorite of mine, I decided to do what comes naturally and make a Dramatic Reading!

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
All parts in one .zip

Enjoy!

OH. MY. HYPOTHETICAL. GODS. I can't believe I missed this gem before. It's hilarious and disturbing in equal measure.

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I started getting so horney that I was on level 3 which was the state where I wanted to come.

IT'S OVER....THREE!

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After I filled her hole, I went and put my mouth on her pussy and told her to cum.

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I grabbed Peach, Zelda, and Samus's heads and opened each of their mouths.

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They thought they could pwn me, but it seems I pwned them.

Am I detecting a nasty undercurrent of misogyny here?

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I am 20 and I am still a virgin. I dont plan on losing my virginity till I am married because of religion and morals.

Tuxedo Mark? Is that you? Also, I like the way he separated religion and morals. [/atheism wank]

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Also, I masturbated to this story after I was done.

Wow. This is the most unashamed and blatant I've ever seen an author be about how they're writing self-gratifying and self-glorifying wank-fodder.

Keith Fraser wrote:

OH. MY. HYPOTHETICAL. GODS. I can't believe I missed this gem before. It's hilarious and disturbing in equal measure.
Am I detecting a nasty undercurrent of misogyny here?

I'd call it less an undercurrent and more someone waving a lighted neon sign that says: WOMEN ARE ONLY GOOD FOR HAVING SEX! HUR! HUR! HUR!

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Tuxedo Mark? Is that you? Also, I like the way he separated religion and morals. [/atheism wank]

Can't be Tuxedo Mark. Nobody's keeping track of time.

A lot of religious people (or people who call themselves religious) think religion and morality are the same thing. They're not. It's possible for someone to be moral but not religious and vice-versa. Not that you could ever convince Cube-boy here of it.

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Wow. This is the most unashamed and blatant I've ever seen an author be about how they're writing self-gratifying and self-glorifying wank-fodder.

I agree. I think this is the first fanfic I've ever read where the author actually admits to wanking off while writing it.

Why do these people think we want to read their masturbatory fantasies?

Rabid Badger wrote:

I'd call it less an undercurrent and more someone waving a lighted neon sign that says: WOMEN ARE ONLY GOOD FOR HAVING SEX! HUR! HUR! HUR!

And ordering/pushing about like draft animals. Ugh.

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Why do these people think we want to read their masturbatory fantasies?

Because they have egos the size of the Great Attractor? Because they see fifty thousand other people posting stuff that is varying degrees of blatant personal wank fodder every week? Wandering Critic will be in here in a minute to explain how it's the result of the education system and the collapse of society.

Oh yeah, I forgot about this one.

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After her pussy-cum went on my hard dick, I turned Peach over and
fucked her dry asshole and then pulled my dick out. Her asshole dripped
with her own cum

Wait, her rectum produced cum? Is this one of those famous self-lubing anuses I've heard so much about?

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I put my fingers toward my head and
closed my eyes and jumped by orgasm level up a notch using the Nintendo
Power.

Wait, what? This sounds like he learned how to make his orgasms better by reading Nintendo Power. I guess it got bought out by Cosmopolitan or Maxim.

"Are You Playing with Power? 5 Great Tips on How to Really Get a 1-Up!"

...Yeah, I shouldn't try.

I already recorded a reading of it, but god damn I just have to properly spork this. This is a revamped version of a spork I did for an lj comm ages ago, and as this is a very silly snark for a very silly fic, caps and CAPSLOCK may follow. Consider yourself warned.

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Ok I have noticed that alot of people now days dont make stories about themselves, well I hope that changes cause sometimes it makes it more interesting.

It sure does. Just think about how much better Romeo & Juliet would've been if Shakespeare himeslf had bamfed into 13th-century Verona, killed Tybalt with his 'l33t swordfightin sk1llz', showed that whiny bitch Romeo who was boss, beat Mercutio in a rap battle, and took the time to unwind by sexing up Juliet. Joshcube is probably second only to CWC in being the Platonic ideal of the Gary Stuthor.

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Josh: Oh man I am tired, what I would do for a massage.

*Gestures wildly* "A MASSAGE, PEOPLE. CAN I JUST GET A FREAKIN'-Oh hell, women..."

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Zelda: I will work you arms, Peach can do something else mabey.

"Peach, get me a belt sander, a jar of vinegaroons, the latest issue of Cat Fancy and $1.25 in Canadian quarters. Don't ask why."

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Then she started to go lower to where my dick was.

"Hey...WHERE THE FUCK DID I PUT THAT DICK ANYWAY-"

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After that, they started undressing. Samus started to take my clothes off. Now we were all laying in our undies and panties.

Women: :|
Josh: SHUT UP, IT'S A COMFORT THING.

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Peach: Josh, get ready for the night of your life.

AND THEN THE MUSIC STARTED:

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Zelda went over to join Samus in the dick sucking fest while Peach scooted over to my face and spread her pussy and then sat on my face.

Scooted. Scooted. If there was ever a word that could give "puckered" a run for its money, it is indeed 'scooted'.

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I started to lick her pussy as it tasted sweet like honey. I used my hands to grab her legs as I licked and licked the soft rose petals of Peach's vagina as it was mother nature at it's best.

josh you do not ever use "soft rose petals" and "scooted" within three sentences of each other
go sit in your room

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Zelda: Hehe, now here is some sucking for you Joshy.

SUCKY SUCKY FIVE RUPEE

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Zelda started sucking on my cock as I saw her cheeks suck in and she closed her eyes and moved her mouth up and down. Then samus started sucking my cock and did the same.

It's...like he's describing the schematics of a blowjob, rather than the blowjob itself. There's writing women like objects and then...this, I guess.

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Samus: Well I think its time for the next step gals.

Zelda: Yes. Peach, we need an additional $1.25 in Canadian quarters.
Peach: But we haven't used the-
Zelda: JUST GET THE DAMN QUARTERS

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They stopped whispering and then Zelda came up to my face part and layed next to me

God, it really is like everything he's writing is just a blueprint (for his fap sessions, naturally). "Face part" sounds like some little round thing between the rear socket and internal dampeners.

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Josh: Wait guys, im a virgin.....I....uh...I....ack!!!

SORRY JOSH! YOUR VIRGINITY IS IN ANOTHER CASTLE.

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I went in shock and gasped as my eyes widened as my dick finaly got inside the depths of a pussy, after all these years.

"They said I could never get inside a pussy! They called me mad at the university! Mad! MAD, I TELL YOU!"

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It was the greatest feeling ever!! I grabbed her hips as her pussy tightened on my hard cock as she just moved her body up and down gripping my dick as it kept shoving inside her over and over and over. Zelda just hugged me and kiss me while Samus started masturbating to Peach on my dick. Peach's breasts were bouncing up a down as she bounced on me.

I...have nothing to say here. Really. Putting a joke here would be like stapling a sketch of a perfectly-proportioned figure on the Bayeux Tapestry.

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It was time for me to make the decisions.

"You know when women just start randomly massaging you and initate orgies? WELL I THINK THEY'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THAT."

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So Zelda scooted

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I grabbed Zelda's fine ass and I shoved my dick inside her and started to stroke her.

Nintendo Fan's Lust: A Toshihiro Ono Production.

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As I was stroking Zelda, Peach got to the front of Zelda and opened her legs and scooted

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next to Zelda's Face. Zelda went lower as I fucked her and she started to lick Peach's pussy which turned me on even more and I started to fuck Zelda faster. Samus then sat her ass on top of Peach and let Peach lick her pussy which turned me on even more as I was fucking a girl that was putting on a pussy licking show for me.

The only way this could possibly work is if Samus has three legs, Zelda is some sort of Hindu goddess, and Peach is five people.

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I started getting so horney that I was on level 3 which was the state where I wanted to come.

On first glance, this sentence is entirely nonsensical, but it is clear that Josh has closely studied the Nintendo Kama Sutra, with its many descriptions of the "Levels And Bonus Levels" of the sexual experience as well as various graphic, 8-bit illustrations of positions with such colorful names as "Fireworks of the Glorious Italian Upon Reaching the Flag of Heaven" and "Divine High-Pitched Lotus Fairy Consorting With The Elfin Bard".

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But since I havent fucked Samus yet, I would want to let my load in her.

SCREW ATTACK ACQUIRED
ATTACK ENEMIES BY JUMPING

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So I got Samus and went up to her body and bent her legs in the air with her ass facing upwards.

Great, Samus, you had to fall for Josh's wiles. And you apparently grew another ass as well.

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Samus: *gasp* *pant*......no Josh.....

Peach: It's okay, I think we've run far enough now.

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BLAST YOUR LOAD DOWN MY HOLE!!!

SERIOUSLY JOSH GET THE FUCKING DRANO
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU PUT OUR UNDIES AND PANTIES IN THE SINK ANYWAY

(con'td)

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I was fucking her so fast I was like a starved Metroid without blood for days.

At least he admits it's a parasitical relationship.

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Josh: EEEEeaaaagghhh!!

WATCH OUT FOR SCOOTS

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I slowly looked at my dick as we heard a few splats, splurts, and funny bubbly noises.

....
"Um, why is there pancake batter in your vagina?"
"It's...it's a long story..."

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Cum started oozing out the cracks of her pussy

"My priceless Egyptian cat vase! What are you doing with it?"
"It's not what it looks like, I swear!"

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and I slowly pulled my long huge dick from her pussy and as I pulled it out, a stream of cum came dripping off of my dick from the hole of her pussy as it limped down against the bed. Cum was driping off my dick as her pussy got filled with cum.
After I filled her hole, I went and put my mouth on her pussy and told her to cum. She cummed right into my mouth and I drank her pussy-cum and then swallowed it. (Yummy!)

"Then i came and there was cum from my cock and then my cock came everywhere and then there was cum in her pussy and on the bed and on my cock and on her body and then i took my cock off the bed and then Samus had cum too and there was cum from her pussy everywhere and then also i came..."

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Samus pulled out the first fist from her pussy and it dripped with Peach's cum, then Samus pulled out the second fist from the other hole and it was dry.

Dammit, Josh, don't you know the rules of pornfics? There have to be prominent, copious amounts of gushing fluid spilled everywhere, none of this, "and it was dry" business. Also, HOLY GOD, OUCH. Lube-not just for men, you know.

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Peach and Samus went to Zelda's pussy and she sprayed them with cum and it dripped off their faces. They licked each drop of her cum by licking each other's fingers and putting them into each other's mouths.

"Which was in turn accomplished by placing their tongues outside the boundaries of their lips and moving them around in short, repeated motions."

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Peached layed down on the bed on her side and I grabbed one of her leg and held it up as I scooted my body towards her.

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Peach: Oh Josh

I think I left my spare punctuation marks in the living room do you mind if I go up and get them

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One last thing I wanted to try (since this is the Nintendo World and you can pretty much do anything.) I put my fingers toward my head and closed my eyes and jumped by orgasm level up a notch using the Nintendo Power.

"I have exhausted the physical possibilities of sex! I need something more...I must invoke a higher power! OMMMMMMM-"
*Wild MISSINGO appeared!*

Super Happy Fun Orgasm Time Yes! Both Of You, Dance Like You Want To Cum!

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After that I slammed my dick into Zelda's pussy and filled it up with cum. Then she got another orgasm and I told her to aim in the air. She aimed in the air and shot gushes of cum and pussy-cum straight in the air which also hit the fan. It hit the fan and rickashayed off the fan onto walls, the bed, and onto us, and everywhere.

...Which admittedly is marginally more pleasant than what usually hits the fan.

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Peach, Zelda, and Samus all layed there tired out with cum dripping from their mouths, faces, pussies, assholes, everywhere. Not a hole or area was uncovered. Cum was just oozing out of every hole, every area, every tit, and every mouth.

Cum is oozing out of their tits? The fuck?
AND WOW THERE IS SO MUCH CUM THAT MEANS THAT THE SEX MUST HAVE BEEN GREAT AMIRITE

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Everyone just sat there with our eyes closed drentched in loads of cum, gasping and panting like we had the biggest fuck of our lives.

Samus: Hey, that was pretty gre-OH DEAR GOD MY EYELIDS ARE STUCK SHUT JOSH I'M GOING TO KILL YOU

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Everyone lost their virginity in a matter of minutes.

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A few months passed, all of the girls got pregnant and I had to force them to take the pill.

HMMM, CAN'T HAVE THE WOMENFOLK GETTING ALL "PREGNANT", NOW CAN WE
IT MAKES THEM UPPITY

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I fucked each one of them good, and that my friends, was the final level.
THE END.

BUT IT MAY BE INVADED BY THE OTHER PORNFIC
PRAY FOR A TRUE PEACE IN WGW

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I dont plan on losing my virginity till I am married because of religion and morals.

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But its only a matter of time before I go where no Nintendo Fan has gone before.

"Into a place where the girls are easy, and the walls are fast."

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I have never had a girlfriend, and a girl only kissed me once.

"Then I had to force her to take the pill."

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I would do anything for a girlfriend.

NOT CWC, BUT AN INCREDIBLE SIMULATION

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I advise everyone not to lose your virginity till you are married because if you dont, you're going to possibly regret losing it as I know alot of guys who wished they never have had sex and wanted to be virgins again, but they couldnt.

"But I've got one up against them! I'm never going to have sex! I...oh."

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Also, I masturbated to this story after I was done. So that is a trademark.

As if it wasn't bad enough...

Damn you, Zeiss; I have GOT to stop drinking Pepsi when I read your snarks!

You know, though, in all the times I've read this story, I missed this:

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Zelda started sucking on my cock as I saw her cheeks suck in and she
closed her eyes and moved her mouth up and down. Then samus started
sucking my cock and did the same.

I realize he was busy fapping, so he couldn't be bothered to write when they switched off, but it honestly reads like they're both giving him head at the same time. So either he grew an extra dick when no one was looking, or Zelda and Samus can phase.

Zeiss, that was epic, especially the Nintendo and anime jokes and the LotGH pictures (particularly that last one - the 'religion and morals' quote still amazes me).

And I'm probably going to feel really stupid when I hear the answer, but who is CWC?

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Ok I have noticed that alot of people now days dont make stories about themselves,

Yeah, all those Mary Sues are the personal fantasies of OTHER people.

Sweetie, ANY OC in a story is gonna be based off the writer in some way. And nobody wants to read about YOU having sex with Peach and Zelda. If you want to put an OC in, you've got to do it so that the reader can put THEMSELVES somewhere in the story.

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Ok I have noticed that alot of people now days dont make stories about themselves, well I hope that changes cause sometimes it makes it more interesting.

Yeah, exactly how? While most smut probably is the author's masturbation fantasy, at least it's not as blatant as long as they don't put themself in the story. Sorry to burst your bubble, but the people who're going to read your story won't be interested in you, they're going to be interested in the fandom characters they're attracted to.

Masturbation should be against the law. It is a deplorable act, worthy of only harlots and laborers. No true gentleman would ever commit such a transgression.

Oh, JoshCube, you lovely madman, you. It's been ages since I read this, but there's something so... adorably naive about it that I can't help but love it, despite the pack of drivel that it really is.

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rickashayed

This is officially the best misspelling of ricochet in the history of bad spelling.

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A few months passed, all of the girls got pregnant and I had to force
them to take the pill. It was the greatest experiene a Nintendo Fan
ever had.

"Dear Mom. My entire harem of imaginary girls got pregnant after I fucked all of them in an anatomically impossible orgy. I then forced them to abort the fetuses. It was the single most awesome experience in my entire, shut-in life.

Love,
JoshCube."

Oh sweet Jeebus, how have I gone this long through GAFF/the House without reading this?

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Nintendo Fan’s Lust by JoshCube

The title says it all. We've got ourselves a real winner on our hands.

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Ok I have noticed that alot of people now days dont make stories about themselves, well I hope that changes cause sometimes it makes it more interesting.

I would actually have to agree with him. Take his own story for example, it's interesting just how horrible and unsexy this piece of tripe is.

Sorry, that was probably offensive to tripe. At least you can eat tripe, you can't even fap to this.

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This is a story about me having sex with Peach, Zelda, and Samus. Nintendo girls I have loved ever since I was a child. Though they arent real, I share a special bond with them. The funny thing is, I diddnt start getting a nasty mind about them till I was about 12 years old, then I started to think dirty about them. So yeah, its a special bond. Like once my innocent mind grew up with them, and then my adult-hood went to the next level.

You've had a very lonely childhood, haven't you? This guys starting to seem like the kind of kid even the lowliest, pizza-faced nerd didn't want to be seen with.

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Legal Stuff: There are sexual scenes in this story and heavy language. Do not read unless you are 18+.

... We'll get back to this later.

Second of all, why do fanfic writers always insist on putting disclaimers before all their stories? Are they actually legally inclined to do stuff like this? Or does it just lend an air of professionalism to their story (see also: crap) and make them feel special?

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In the final room, I was up against Bowser, Ganon and Mother Brain. With my final blow, I sent all of them flying far away out of the castle and bam, they were gone, I had defeated them with my final blow.

You're being a bit unclear. What did you beat them with?

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my final blow.

I'm sorry. Come again?

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my final blow.

One more time?

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my final blow.

You got that people? He beat them with his final blow.

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I got to the door and opened it and

and they all screamed, "WHO ARE YOU AND HOW DID YOU GET IN?" That's when the police were called.

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Josh: Oh man I am tired, what I would do for a massage.
Peach: Oh and you want us to do it?

Something tells me Josh has tried this same ploy with real girls (as in: they have a pulse) and it just hasn't worked out as splendidly as it has in his [s]mastubatory fantasies[/s] story.

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I started to blush really red. Zelda and Peach then wrapped their arms around me and kissed me on my cheeks. After that, they started undressing. Samus started to take my clothes off. Now we were all laying in our undies and panties.

I... I have never seen Samus without her armor, so mind you all that the entire time this story is happening I'm mentally picturing all of this with a girl completely naked except for a Samus helmet. Thank you Joshcube, for making me really glad I'm not a Metroid fan right now.

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Now we were all laying in our undies and panties.

Going back to this disclaimer...

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Do not read unless you are 18+.

This is what happens when your mental age is lower than that of your target audience.

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Samus slid my underwear down and my dick was sticking up.

It's called an erection, Josh. Don't worry, it's perfectly natural.



Actually, now that I think about it, it's not! It's not natural at all! It's sick and wrong and perverted, and I think next time you get one, you should beat yourself with a hairbrush and cry.

That's my two cents.

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Everyone took their clothes off.

We're in a tiiiiimmmmme waaaaaaaaaarppppp

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final blow

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final blow

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final blow

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final blow

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while Peach scooted

No.

Quote :

I started to lick her pussy as it tasted sweet like honey. I used my hands to grab her legs as I licked and licked the soft rose petals of Peach's vagina as it was mother nature at it's best.

I'm so going to record myself telling this story in a Stephen Hawking voice.

Quote :

Josh: Oh guys, im really embarressed now

Only now? Well that's a step. Not too much longer until shame sets in.

Quote :

Zelda started sucking on my cock as I saw her cheeks suck in and she closed her eyes and moved her mouth up and down. Then samus started sucking my cock and did the same.

And than samus said 'will you be my boyfriend' and I said 'yes i will be your boyfriend' and than i came all over her face.

Quote :

Peach grabbed my dick and shoved it inside her pussy, taking my virginity.

Quick! Swiper no swiping. Swiper no swiping. Swiper no swiping.

Quote :

Zelda just hugged me and kiss me while Samus started masturbating to Peach on my dick.

Damn has Samus got good coordination! Not only can she seem to balance herself on someones erect penis, but she can also masturbate while she's at it! Amazing.

And that's all the time I have for this.

Zeiss Manifold wrote:

This fic being a personal favorite of mine, I decided to do what comes naturally and make a Dramatic Reading!

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
All parts in one .zip

Enjoy!

Downloaded this last night. The stupid accents you read this in were hilarious, and underscored just how ridiculous the whole fic was. To say this was classic would be an understatement.

Rape is this only reason those filthy, limp-dick Japanese bastards even put the heroines in those games. It's no surprise the only Legend of Zelda games to allow you to play as Zelda are the ones the fans hate most. Most of the unwashed basement dwellers are constantly cumming their tighty-whites at the thought of playing a girl in Metroid.

OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD.

Goddamn now I can't snark this without looking stupid after a whole bunch of people have already stolen my ideas. :[ And Zeiss had pictures, and I don't have pictures. :[ Okay but still I can't let some of these things go by without mention.

Quote :

But I wasent done yet,...

He seems to have a lot of trouble with correctly spelling simple words now doesn't he? I mean, mabey; wasent? These aren't just one time things either - he says wasent at LEAST four times within the two posts. mabey he just has soem trooble typeing proply

Also: I think the ending of the post is probably the best part.

Quote :

Also, I masturbated to this story after I was do

NO.

On a side note;
glengarry ross ben affleck

Interesting signature, bud. :eyebrow:
Who exactly is Glengarry Ross anyway?

Dear JoshCube,