Chris-chan and Sonichu: ZAP TO THE EXTREME

Christian Weston Chandler, also known as Chris-Chan, also known as the creator of Sonichu, also known as The Most Easily Trolled Person Ever, is a piece of work.

When not drawing his comics (which are masterfully rendered in fantastic, felt-marker-and-smudge-mark quality), making the most unwanted sex tapes in the world, or making sweet love to his inflatable doll for the whole internet to see, Chris's creepiness flows into real life (where he stalks girls he likes, who he wants to "make into sweethearts from the ground-up").

My words cannot do him justice. He must be seen to be believed. Luckily, several people have taken up the job of cataloguing his exploits so I can feel okay about link-dumping.

His ED page.

The entire wiki dedicated to him.

And his response to the evil internet people.

See, how did that asshole manage to find the PERFECT SHIRT to cosplay as Artie, Strongest Man in the World from Pete & Pete in, but I can't?! HOW?

4chan's got a disturbing hard-on for the guy, as much as they don't want to admit it. Didn't CWC draw some horridly disfigured porn at one point? Yeah, and then there's this. Wat

Speaking of ED, now I REALLY have to cover that...artist I promised to cover. I just need to find her website again. *vomits*

Toastuh wrote:

And his response to the evil internet people.

I tried to read it. I really did. I got about 10 pages in before my eyes started to unfocus.

The "honeymoon" comic is not to be missed. SERIOUSLY not to be missed.

Toastuh wrote:

And his response to the evil internet people.

Wow, somehow I missed this comic. I'm glad I read the whole thing through and got to see Chris grasping the True Meaning of Feminism(TM): the innate power of a woman to swallow a man whole with her vagina. Here I am still barely managing to lift weights with mine.

The best Chris-related experience comes from these audiobooks on Youtube. Episode 6 gets a special bonus for using "Tomorrow I'll" in its soundtrack (and the fabulous Villain Song at 1:15).

Delcat wrote:

The "honeymoon" comic is not to be missed. SERIOUSLY not to be missed.

Whoa. That's a lot of Glade air-fresheners.

What I don't get is... who the hell calls a vagina a "china"?

anangrychocobo wrote:

What I don't get is... who the hell calls a vagina a "china"?

Man-children who are so immature they cannot say the real names of things that offends them. See also: Pedofork, duck, mass debating.

I just wasted an hour of my life reading up on that weirdo in TVtropes-like fascination. I hate you all.

Toastuh wrote:

And his response to the evil internet people.

A Pink Hedgehog Thing wrote:

"Thank God for blessing me with a healthy pair of ovaries, a vagina, and the uterus. How dare they portray me otherwise?"

Some Kind of Yellow Hedgehog Monster wrote:

"The last time I checked, you were an all true, full-fledged woman, and you were the main woman in this month's 'POKeBOY' magazine. If the centerfolds in this magazine do not prove that you are all woman . . . then you'd have to go down there and prove it . . . to them . . . . ."

That Pink Thing wrote:

*Takes pictures of vag for Internet.*

That's honestly the plot of this monstrosity.

The quote unquote artist wrote:

ALSO, I wish to make it PERFECTLY CLEAR that I, Christian Weston Chandler, a Sound0Minded Virgin, DO NOT SEE women as "Sex Objects"; I HONESTLY SEE Women as my Equal; Human Beings who have Every Rights as Any Person in this World Do.

The punchline.

CWC and his token Good Will shirts.

Delcat wrote:

The "honeymoon" comic is not to be missed. SERIOUSLY not to be missed.

I love that comic. Glade air-fresheners. He means business.

Rizale wrote:

CWC and his token Good Will shirts.

It amazes me that the shirt looks exactly the same in every single picture he has of himself. Since Ernie-style sweaters aren't that easy to come by even in thrift stores, I can only imagine how Chris smells when he's heading out to the mall to go wimmin-huntin'.

Edit: Okay, he actually breaks the norm and wears a GREEN striped shirt in one pic. But still. Wow.

Mae Bedlam wrote:

Rizale wrote:

CWC and his token Good Will shirts.

It amazes me that the shirt looks exactly the same in every single picture he has of himself. Since Ernie-style sweaters aren't that easy to come by even in thrift stores, I can only imagine how Chris smells when he's heading out to the mall to go wimmin-huntin'.

Edit: Okay, he actually breaks the norm and wears a GREEN striped shirt in one pic. But still. Wow.

Chris and Fashion

Mafiosa wrote:

Chris and Fashion

*Thumbs up*

I was gonna say that. He's worn the same shirts in every picture including the ones of him as a child. Someone needs a serious wardrobe change.

Mafiosa wrote:

Mae Bedlam wrote:

Rizale wrote:

CWC and his token Good Will shirts.

It amazes me that the shirt looks exactly the same in every single picture he has of himself. Since Ernie-style sweaters aren't that easy to come by even in thrift stores, I can only imagine how Chris smells when he's heading out to the mall to go wimmin-huntin'.

Edit: Okay, he actually breaks the norm and wears a GREEN striped shirt in one pic. But still. Wow.

Chris and Fashion

Jesus Christ, someone made a wiki devoted to him. :unskilled78:

Holy crap, this might be my new TV Tropes.

You should see the articles about his love life. Or lack there of.

He needs a new hobby.

Haha, I love the fucking internet. And I extra love all the crazies on it <3

The Sonichu comic re-draws are my favorite. Somehow the soul-crushing idiocy of the plot is even more delicious when drawn really well.

So as none of you know, I have a little sister. A happy, content sister who, like many of you poor happy souls, has only a vague idea who and what Chris-chan and Sonichu are.
Until today.
Takkeh and Mafi present to you a dual snark in CRAYOLA-MARKER-VISION:

SONICHU 0

Mafi: Okay let's do this.

Cover page

Mafi: First off, what is wrong with this picture.
Mafi: Hint: The answer is "everything".
Takkeh: What's wrong with his left hand?
Mafi: THAT'S the first thing you noticed?
Takkeh: That and his bitchin' necklace
Mafi: I'm stuck staring at the "shadows" that look like bathroom rugs.
Mafi: Oh, dear Takkeh, that is his SONICHU MEDALLION
Mafi: He wears it in real life.
Mafi: For the ladies.
Mafi: Urrrgghhh I just noticed Sonichu winking at me.
Takkeh: Oh man, the first thing I thought of was Yu-gi-oh when I saw it.
Takkeh: That winking Sonichu has a copyright symbol next to it
Mafi: Jesus Christ.
Mafi: Let's move on.

Page 1 and 2

Takkeh: Where can I download this font? I'm kinda digging it.
Mafi: That's fucking COMIC-SANS
Mafi: I disown you.
Takkeh: Not that one, the one Sonichu is written in
Mafi: It's called "Autistic Zap"
Mafi: Why is Sonic "pondering over the destruction?"
Mafi: Some fucking hero!
Mafi: Look another copyright.
Mafi: Take a drink.
Takkeh: Okay, I'm on page 2 and I'm already lost. What just happened?
Mafi: Not even the greatest Sonichu scholars can figure that out.
Mafi: Something about a monster or some shit.
Mafi: Let's keep going.

Page 2 and 3

Mafi: RAINBOWS
Takkeh: "Ouch"!
Mafi: Looks like they're leaning in for a kiss.
Mafi: brb sobbing
Takkeh: Haha. I just realize Sonic went Super Saiyan.
Mafi: That is probably the best explanation I've ever heard.
Mafi: "Kel *weeze*...I AM YOUR POKEMON"
Takkeh: "I HAVE TRANSFORMED" "Change back."
Mafi: What is a zapbud.
Takkeh: Oh, found another copyright, take a shot
Takkeh: Also, totally naming my kid Rosechu now
Mafi: Is it because they are as BEAUTIFUL AS A ROSE?
Takkeh: No, it because I hate them
Mafi: Moving on.

Page 5 and 6

Mafi: TIME TO ZAP
Takkeh: "I've Changed!" it's called puberty, Sonichu
Mafi: I don't think puberty involves morphing into a hideous Pokey/Hedgehog beast
Takkeh: Maybe it does for hedgehogs and Pikachus!
Mafi: What exactly are we looking at in that ninth panel?
Takkeh: Him destroying the American flag?
Mafi: Never mind, expand that thought to the whole comic
Mafi: I can't stare at this anymore, let's turn the page.

Page 7 and 8

Takkeh: Oh no! Now there's 2 of him ...for some reason...
Mafi: That's some lazy-ass drawing in panel 3 Chris.
Mafi: Check out all this exposition.
Mafi: "From then on Chris, I mean, Sonichu went on to make new friends as well as enemies"
Mafi: But mostly enemies.
Mafi: I don't know if we're ready for more "zappin' adventures"
Takkeh: How do you even pronounce that? "Cwcville"
Mafi: Sonichu scholars have decided on a pronunciation like "quick"
Mafi: Most just settle for calling it "Egoville"
Takkeh: With the amount of spelling mistakes on this page, I'm going to say it was a mistype
Mafi: "He loves Rosechu"
Mafi: This fact will become horribly crucial in later episodes.
Takkeh: Darn, you ruined the surprise for me!
Mafi: Turn the page!

Page 9 and 10

Mafi: Rosechu's favorite activities include frolicking, shopping, and bitch stay in the kitchen-ing
Mafi: And copyrights
Mafi: The entire population of CWCville is missing a chromosome.
Mafi: Or, in Blachu's case has exchanged the chromosome for CHERRY COLA
Mafi: SCIENCE!
Takkeh: Man, now i can't wait for Spritechu and Mountain Dew: Code Redchu!
Mafi: Well for now you'll have to settle for Ching-ChongChu and Personality-less Femalechu
Mafi: Seriously look at Punchy's eyes
Takkeh: wait, so, Sonichu is pretty much an Eevee?
Takkeh: You can just make him into whatever you'd like?
Mafi: I have no idea.
Mafi: Apparently these are all different Sonichu or something.
Mafi: Let's try not to linger on this.

Page 11 and 12

Mafi: Oh look. Everything you wanted to know about Chris-chan
Takkeh: "Chris-Chan Sonichu" Wow. That was subtle. I wonder if it's like, a self insert or something.
Mafi: Surely he is an original character not at all based on the author's wish fulfillment fantasies!
Mafi: Hey, Chris is single, lonely, and needs a girlfriend!
Mafi: ARE YOU A BAD ENOUGH DUDE?!
Takkeh: Oh look! Now I have a name for my son too! Little baby Jerkops!
Mafi: Fun fact: Mary Lee Walsh is the dean of the college Chris somehow graduated from
Takkeh: Really? I just figured she shoved him into a trash can when they were in high school or something
Takkeh: I know I would've

Page 13-14

Mafi: "Genesis of the Lovehogs"
Mafi: This is not promising
Mafi: Look at how stoned Rosechu looks in the last panel
Mafi: The roofie is kicking in
Takkeh: What happened to their arms in the last panel?! I think the drugs Chris-Chan took are what started kicking in
Takkeh: What does that first panel even mean? It's like he lost his train of thought halfway through writing it
Mafi: That's Chris' idea of "humor"
Mafi: "So what's your favorite color"
Mafi: RIVETING QUESTIONS FOR A FIRST DATE
Takkeh: I think it's supposed to be a Monty Python joke, but he quoted it wrong.
Mafi: It's also not funny, so it can't be a joke.
Mafi: "As often as birds tweet you are my lovely heartsweet"
Mafi: :|
Mafi: That's not a proper sentence at all
Takkeh: It sounds like he got it from a off-brand hallmark card
Mafi: Let's turn the page and ARGGGG-

Page 17 and 18

Takkeh: Why is there a cookie in the sky?
Mafi: A sesame bagel and three muppets watch as Sonichu eats Rosechu's face.
Takkeh: It looks like they're concentrating really hard on not vomiting
Mafi: If I see the word zap one more fucking time
Mafi: "Sonichu is a Pokémon"
Mafi: NO
Takkeh: What's in the left corner of the "Lightning version"? The sun?
Mafi: Whatever it is it's on both versions.
Mafi: Maybe it's a copyright
Mafi: Take two shots
Takkeh: On the blue one, below Sonichu he wrote "advance " in ballpoint pen
Takkeh: It's like he wasn't even trying with this page

Page 19 and 20

Mafi: A REAL Pokémon?!
Mafi: We hardly ever see those in this comic
Takkeh: I don't know what scarier about this page: The bird, the kid's hair, or Sonichu
Mafi: Oh look Rosechu is shopping again BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WOMEN DO LOLOLOLOL
Mafi: Have you figured out where Naitsirihc’s name comes from yet
Takkeh: No, but I'm sure you'll enlighten me
Mafi: It's "Christian" backwards
Takkeh: Has he had some trouble with religion or is that someone's name?
Mafi: It's HIS name.
Mafi: Christian Weston Chandler
Mafi: As in "CWC"ville.
Mafi: EVERYTHING IN THIS COMIC IS ABOUT CHRIS
Takkeh: So this is him admitting that he's evil?
Mafi: No, it's supposed to be the opposite of him. Naitsirhc turns out to be gay later on too because Chris is TOTALLY STRAIGHT
Mafi: Anyway we're missing Zapdos action so let's mosey on

Page 21 and 22

Mafi: Every time I see the word "sweetbolt" I'm going to hit you and pretend you're Chris.
Takkeh: It's okay, the shots we’re taking from whenever we see a copyright will dull the pain
Takkeh: The bun is in my mind? What does that mean?
Mafi: Like all things Chris puts in his comic it's a shitty reference/rip-off
Mafi: I HATE PICKLES
Mafi: Because they look like penises right Chris
Takkeh: Are they eating at a place called Burger Khunch? I can't really see
Mafi: I...I think you're right
Mafi: Oh my god the next page is my favorite.

Page 23 and 24

Mafi: Look at the face the Zapdos is making
Takkeh: It's the Final Coutndown!
Takkeh: When did Zapdos triple in size? He's huge in panels 2 and 3!
Takkeh: And I think they ripped off his leg in 7
Mafi: I thought he punched him so hard shit came out
Mafi: Seriously, that Zapdos' face is exact face I'm making right now.
Takkeh: It looks constipated
Takkeh: Look at the Sonichu on the right. That is the spawn of the devil
Mafi: WHAT SICK MAN SENDS BABIES TO FIGHT


Page 25 and 26

Mafi: Why didn't Naitsirhc just send out his legendary?!
Mafi: Oh right, that would make sense.
Mafi: Look at how fat Chris is in that last panel, he actually drew himself how he looks.
Mafi: He will never do that again.
Takkeh: And how did he get his hands on all these great pokemon? No one tried to stop him?
Mafi: Wait, he swelled up between panels
Takkeh: He ate something he was allergic too? Pickles?
Mafi: I HATE PICKLEEEEESSSS
Takkeh: How is Kel's hat staying on her head?
Mafi: I thought that was a mailbox.

Page 27 and 28

Takkeh: "One girlfriend please!" Sounds like he's getting a mail order bride
Mafi: The epilogue is basically just Chris patting himself on the back for a shit job well done followed by some SO RONREY.
Mafi: Or a real doll
Mafi: This epilogue also alludes to his mall stalking.
Takkeh: Is he wearing a mask in panel 4? Off to rob some banks Chris-chan?
Mafi: GENTLEMEN

MORE TO COME EVEN THOUGH IT'S ALREADY TL;DR

Page 28

Mafi: Oh god, the classic Sonichu strips
Mafi: "I could cut 100 logs before breakfast"
Mafi: I feel like that too sometimes, Sonichu. Especially after eating a lot of fiber.
Takkeh: I read that as "I could eat 100 logs before breakfast". I was totally confused
Takkeh: Get the fiber from eating those 100 logs
Mafi: That last panel is totally cryptic.

Page 29 and 30

Takkeh: Living her life a being beautiful is a full time job
Mafi: ...Is this whole strip dedicated to telling off a black Sonichu for following them?
Mafi: UNFORTUNATE IMPLICATIONS
Mafi: HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY AND GET OUT OF HERE BLACK GUY
Takkeh: That's how I spend my Valentine’s day, don't you?
Mafi: That is not how I raised you. Go cut 100 logs as punishment.
Takkeh: Sorry, but I just had lunch
Mafi: Fun fact: Chris does the "curse-ye-ha-me-ha" to people in real life
Mafi: WHY CAN'T HE FIND A GIRLFRIEND??!?!?!
Takkeh: Oh man, it’s getting intense! Turn the page! I can’t wait to see what happens!

Page 31-32

Mafi: Sonichu secretes lard and Mary Lee Walsh explodes into radio waves
Mafi: Sonichu has tickets to the gun show
Takkeh: Everyone got buff in panel 4
Mafi: He totally just turned into GOB
Takkeh: I've made a huge mistake
Mafi: The next comic is a mother's day comic.
Mafi: All about Chris
Takkeh: Wait, not his mother? Did she specifically ask not to be put in his comics?
Mafi: No she's there in the comics, but the whole thing is about how awesome Chris is.
Mafi: How the fuck did Sonichu get past the bars in that cage to rescue Chris' mom
Takkeh: I like how it's 'your son' not 'my grandson'.
Mafi: I REJECT YOUR MUTANT HEDGEHOG CHILD
Takkeh: Aww... they wear matching sweaters! How sweet!
Mafi: I wish you have never pointed that out to me.

Page 33-34

Mafi: TOUGH LIGHTENING
Mafi: Most of Chris-chan's woes come from the mall
Takkeh: Oh God, that final box, last page. I can just see him giving this to a girl trying to ask her out
Mafi: The "Sarah" depicted in the comic is a real person too
Mafi: But she preferred anyone else over psychopathic man children
Takkeh: I hope she rejected him by yelling "TOUGH LIGHTENING”
Mafi: And then he zapped to the extreme

Page 35

Mafi: Oh look another ad.
Takkeh: That Sun thing!! It's the Nintendo seal!
Mafi: He's still stomping on the sun.
Mafi: O: O: O:
Mafi: I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED THAT
Takkeh: Oh look, more ballpoint pen add on; Sonichu's Adventure
Takkeh: What's in the background? Is he being abducted?
Mafi: It looks like he photoshopped the top left corner.
Takkeh: Really? I thought that was just his amazing art skills!
Mafi: Smartass

Page 37-38

Mafi: It's been a year and 7months
Mafi: Still no girlfriend
Mafi: Can't imagine why
Takkeh: What's a Tastropie?
Mafi: I think it's a Pokémon
Mafi: COPYRIGHT SPOTTED
Takkeh: He always say" Boyfriend-free girl" has he attracted girls with boyfriends?
Mafi: HE WISHES
Mafi: He also doesn't accept "darkies", red-heads, other autistics or girls with previous boyfriends.
Takkeh: what what what
Mafi: SHOCK!
Mafi: YOU HEARD ME
Mafi: I'M CALLING YOU OUT
Takkeh: Oh darn, I guess I'm not Chris-Chan material, how will I live out the rest of my life knowing this?
Mafi: DAMN YOU I'M STILL IN THE RUNNING
Takkeh: does he have mashed potatoes on his DS?

Page 39-40

Mafi: I'm hearing Sailor Moon music in my head
Takkeh: robot arms?
Mafi: Hand cuffs?
Mafi: The world may never know
Mafi: EVERYBODY DANCE.
Mafi: NOW
Takkeh: Oh no! Chris-chan Soni-chu Spouts off nothing but outdated pop culture phrases!
Mafi: It's not very effective...

Page 41-42

Takkeh: What's with the watch?
Mafi: The fuck does that clock have to do with anything
Takkeh: ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWN
Mafi: fffff
Mafi: Oh shit double team and laser beam rhyme
Takkeh: Panel 5- Is he doing lunges? Now is not the time for that!
Mafi: JUST STRETCHING
Mafi: TO THE EXTREME

Pages 43-44

Mafi: ...More rhymes.
Mafi: I just.
Takkeh: Did he learn that in kindergarten?
Takkeh: Maybe that's what the watch was about! It's like the Flava-Flav clock. Now he's a rapper!
Mafi: I don't think Chris-chan remembers what he had for breakfast let alone kindergarten
Mafi: I can guarantee you what he had for breakfast was not logs, though
Takkeh: Ew, he threw up from his hands

Page 45-46

Takkeh: He learned that banana trick from Mario Kart
Mafi: This Jerkop embodies everything Chris hates: black people and smokers
Mafi: "I have cursed you with bad luck and extreme misfortune" is my new reaction face
Takkeh: and everyone who's not him or a sonic-Pokémon hybrid
Mafi: Now you're getting it!
Mafi: What's today's moral, Takkeh?
Takkeh: Get as many boyfriends as you can to keep Chris-chan as far away from you as possible?
Mafi: NO
Mafi: NEVER MESS WITH A TRULY FRUSTRATED VIRGIN
Takkeh: Ah ha! So they were handcuffs!
Mafi: On 9/11 Chris was handcuffed
Mafi: NEVAR FORGET
Takkeh: Was he one of the terrorists?
Takkeh: I'm starting to think so
Mafi: Only a terrorist...of our sanity.
Mafi: Well, it's over.
Mafi: How did you feel about that?
Takkeh: Angry, confused, but I'm feeling pretty good about my art skills!
Takkeh: Maybe, as Chris-Chan said: My soul hurts
Takkeh: How do you feel?
Mafi:

Why are you bullying an autistic boy? Stop it. He clearly doesn't see these comics in the same way we do and he obviously wouldn't have the same capabilities as we do.

So basically this comic is all about Chris-Chan's lonely life and how he can't get a girlfriend, and his childish fantasies of MORPHING INTO A BLUE HEDGEHOG POKEMON AND SHOWING EVERYBODY.

My own comic isn't the greatest in the world but good Christ it's better than this.

Cyberwulf wrote:

So basically this comic is all about Chris-Chan's lonely life and how he can't get a girlfriend, and his childish fantasies of MORPHING INTO A BLUE HEDGEHOG POKEMON AND SHOWING EVERYBODY.

My own comic isn't the greatest in the world but good Christ it's better than this.

It gets worse. The first two issues are relatively tame and then he goes legitimately crazy, especially after Megan is introduced.

Example:

How Chris depicts Megan in the comics:



And actual e-mail from Megan from around this time:

Quote :

Christian-

I haven't been checking my email until recently, and I just want to say that your behavior has irritated me for the last time. First I'll start off with saying that I'm glad you didn't win the contest because I have no interest in going on a trip alone with someone who can't keep his hands off me. I'm not your girlfriend and I never will be. When I say "don't touch me" that means DON'T TOUCH ME! What may seem friendly to you is sexual harrassment to me. You whine that you're just being friendly but you obviously have no consideration for my feelings. The way you went off on Nina because she patted me on the head was very rude and uncalled for. Just because someone else has made physical contact with me doesn't give you the authority to do so. Remember, I have the right to decide who can come near me.

Also I can't say I like how you used my photo in your video and on the cover of your comic book. I want them removed from the internet immediately. Since I'm not a myspace member I can't view what you post. If there are any photos of me on your blog I want them removed.

And I don't like your "Megan Obsession" I don't like being a character in your comics. I don't like how you made me a character in Soulcalibur and Animal Crossing. That kind of behavior really freaks me out.

With all that said, we're down to two options: A: We remain friends and ONLY friends period. As in no more touching me, following me, asking me personal questions, and giving me things. We can still battle and trade cards and talk. -or- B: Never see me again

I'm sorry it's come down to this but I've told you repeatedly in a nice way to stop, but you've never listened.

I hope you will finally take what I just said into serious consideration, and know now that if try your advances again I won't be very nice about it.

Please listen to me next time ~Megan