Farfalla, the wonderful Kirk/Spock shipper (NWS, NBS), kitten in a mitten

Wow. Oh wow. Butterflies. The butterflies made me scream out loud and so my fiance looked and screamed also.

And Kirk looks like Zap Brannigan in half of the drawings as if it wasn't all bad enough. Ow my brain.

Trivia wrote:

And Kirk looks like Zap Brannigan in half of the drawings as if it wasn't all bad enough. Ow my brain.

No way, I don't believe you. I'm going to Photoshop Zap into one of these just to prove you wrong.

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Aw, crap, you were right.

"That's it, massage my Zapper!"

Well, I searched her archive for something to snark, and than I found this...

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NC-17. Spock decides he wants to try a new sexual practice with his ever-helpful lifemate. Warning for candy used in an inappropriate way. ~_^

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It's been a long time since I snarked much of anything, so, all I can say is onward! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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The two Starfleet officers lay naked in the bed, wrapped in a loose tangle of sheets and sweating legs.

I would say that I'd be rather alarmed if I woke up and there were a bunch of legs just lying in my bed! Did they piss off the Corleone family or something?

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He knew he was teasing Spock by approaching his hand so closely but not touching it; for a Vulcan, whose telepathy is based on touch, the hand is a more erogenous zone than the mouth, and holding hands more intimate than a kiss.

This begs the question, what happens when they shake hands? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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Spock shivered slightly at the touch. "I had never felt there was any purpose to inserting objects or body parts into my rectum,"

That makes two of us Mr. Spock.

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"Perhaps it might be prudent to... 'work our way up'?" Spock hazarded. "I hypothesize I might enjoy the sensation of being filled by your penis if it were not the first object to perform that function. I do contain a natural apprehension to the act that tempers my eagerness."

"I wish to be filled with your penis. I have natural apprehension. All your buttsex is belong to me."

I certainly hope Mr. Spock isn't portrayed as a talker in this one, could you think of any stronger anti-boner (rhetorical question)?

"Oh yes. Oh yes. Yes, James Kirk, place your reproductive organ inside my rectum! My reproductive organ is so hard! Your reproductive organ is of much greater proportion than the proportion typical of your species. I want it inside me. Yes. Yes. Increase the speed of your insertion! Increase the force with which you stick your reproductive organ inside me. Oh! Oh!"

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While he waited for the Human to come back, Spock curled up in the sheets in an almost feline spiral of limbs.

...Not bothered at all by the multitude of disembodied arms and legs that just kind of appeared all over his bed.

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Kirk belly-flopped down on him when he came back,

Saying "surprise buttsecks" would just seem obvious and redundant, wouldn't it?

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"I cannot recall," said Spock demurely. "When I a small boy of a few years old, I am sure my mother--" Then he began to gasp loudly, because Kirk was attacking his nipple with a dizzying combination of lips and tongue.

What are you doing Nipples? Defend yourself!
Nipples: "I can't, the enemy is using a dizzying lips and tongue combo attack, I've never seen anything like it!"

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"In order to enjoy any kind of anal play," Kirk said matter-of-factly

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Kirk tickled and teased and kissed and licked every part of Spock's midsection and thighs until the Vulcan had liquefied and lay in a puddle of delirious pleasure

"Your enemy used lightning bolt and did 36 damage, what do you do?"
"I use my dissolving rape spell to liquefy him and turn him into little more than a puddle of delirious pleasure."
*you gain a bottle of delirious pleasure, use on an enemy to give them -5 on initiative and -5 to all concentration checks. Market Value: 35 gp*

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Kirk kneaded Spock's rear end gently.

If he didn't, Spock's rear end wouldn't rise properly, and it would get all flat and tasteless. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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He knew that a little bit of pain--well, the wrong kind of pain, anyway--could dampen sexual arousal faster than warp speed.

... That saves me the trouble of making a "warp speed captain" sex joke later in the fic.

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The bobbing, bright-pink erection between his thighs attested to that.

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Instead, he popped open the little tube of lube and spread the smooth substance over the other object he had retrieved. Spock peered over his shoulder curiously, trying to see what Kirk was up to. "Jim, what are you holding?"

"Just a finger from one of these disembodied limbs that are lying all around us. Should make a great impromptu dildo, don't you think?"

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Kirk held up the item for inspection. It was a small, slender cylinder of white with red stripes spiraling over its glistening surface. "It's a candy cane," he said, smiling. "Merry Christmas."

... do they even celebrate Christmas in Star Trek?

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Kirk nodded. "It's also very small. See? I'm going to stick it inside you, and I'm going to aim for your prostate."

Spock: "And how will you be sure you won't miss?"
Kirk: "Well, if my targeting system goes down, I can always use the force, right? I mean, Star Wars can't be that different from our canon, right?"

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Spock responded with an expression that Kirk knew was a Vulcan smile.

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The opening accepted the peppermint stick but then closed around it tightly. Spock was nervous, or at least whatever a Vulcan would call the natural apprehension, since "nervous" was an emotion.

So... Spock was nervous, but he wasn't really nervous?

...

I find that rather... illogical.

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After a few minutes, he pulled the peppermint stick out of Spock and gave it another dose of lube. "Wouldn't want this to get sticky inside you,"

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Kirk left the candy cane where it was, held safely outside by the hook, and moved his hands underneath Spock's body. When he felt how hard Spock had gotten, he grinned like the cat who'd swallowed the tribble.

... [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Can anyone translate this please?

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Remembering that he, as a humanoid, was lucky enough to have two prehensile hands,

"Wait a minute! As being of the species homo sapien I have been gifted with two hands! Eureka! With this newfound discovery I'll be able to do so much I was never able to do! Like bag my own groceries, tie my own shoes..."

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Kirk also went to work on himself, jerking off both himself

"... Or I could just masturbate. I guess that works too!"

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Turning his head to one side lazily, he stared into Spock's beautiful eyes.

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"You were very patient, and my body appreciated it," said Spock, gazing at Kirk peacefully, "but you were not a teacher; you were a shepherd,

The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want,
For when I am horny,
He sucks my cock,

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"Spock," Kirk said, blinking with surprise, "I never expected you to fall for an urban legend."
"Urban legend?"
"That's just a myth. There were already candies shaped like crooks before people started using them as Christmas decorations, and then people started inventing reasons on their own."

Did... did she just? No... she couldn't have. Did she? Did she really just go there?

In a smutfic?

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"I see." Spock furrowed his brow. "How illogical to fill information gaps with invented data."

I really think she went there.

Well, isn't that handy? You get to read a smutfic, and you also get to learn a handy lesson about the lies Christians spread to propagate and strengthen their monopoly over Christmas! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Tune in next week for when Spock shoves a rabbit up Kirk's ass, and we all learn about how the Easterbunny is actually a pagan symbol, and Easter has pagan origins!

Mr. Doobie wrote:

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When he felt how hard Spock had gotten, he grinned like the cat who'd swallowed the tribble.

Can anyone translate this please?

This is a tribble.
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This is Kirk up to his nipples in tribbles.
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They're basically large balls of fuzz that reproduce asexually. Feed them, and they multiply. But no matter- cats swallow hairballs, and if a cat swallowed a hairball that big, it's going to be a hell of a coughing fit.

Edit: For those interested, the TOS Episode is "The Trouble With Tribbles". The DS9 episode about tribbles is "Trials and Tribble-ations", which uses a lot of footage from the previous one.

I SAW THAT EPISODE JUST THE OTHER NIGHT IT WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS

O_O Oh my, that fanart. That's um. Wow.




I kind of like some of her stories oh dear god what's wrong with me

ALSO LOL WHAT

Nihilist wrote:

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That poor whale.

Mr.Doobie wrote:

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The opening accepted the peppermint stick but then closed around it tightly. Spock was nervous, or at least whatever a Vulcan would call the natural apprehension, since "nervous" was an emotion.

So... Spock was nervous, but he wasn't really nervous?

Sooo... if you are that strict about Vulcans not having emotions, then you may as well NOT write slashy fanfiction about them falling in love.

grmblfjx wrote:

Sooo... if you are that strict about Vulcans not having emotions, then you may as well NOT write slashy fanfiction about them falling in love.

Spock's only half Vulcan, you big silly. He has this other human half that tends to bork him up. Trying to be more Vulcan? That's a human trait. He's been known to smile on occasion, but then would cover it up and immediately deny that he smiled. Also, in one of the movies he went through a Vulcan purification ceremony called the Kolinahr, which involved the purging of all emotion. But as he was going through the ceremony, they denied him this status and told him that because he spent too much time with humans and his human half, he therefore became too attached to that part of him and was told to find happiness elsewhere- which meant that he went back into Starfleet.

Also, he went against his father's orders (his dad's Ambassador Sarek, a Vulcan), and joined Starfleet Academy, which has mostly humans in it. His father wanted him to join the Vulcan Science Academy instead and for a long, long time, they butt heads over it (from The Original Series all the way to the end of The Voyage Home). It's a conflict in him that makes a lot of people like him and relate to him as a character. And if I recall, he's the only Vulcan/Human hybrid and most of the time they're miscarried, so he's got a lot of dynamics that people don't account for. So in my opinion, because of the way he is, Kirk/Spock is the only slash fanfiction I honestly read. And I enjoy it if it's done well. Yep, that's my dirty secret, right there.

Oh, so he can fall in BIG BUTTERFLY LOVE, but not be nervous. Now I'm following, fo' sho'.

Mr.Doobie wrote:

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Spock responded with an expression that Kirk knew was a Vulcan smile.

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ROFLMFAO!!!!!!

Nihilist wrote:

Mr. Doobie wrote:

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When he felt how hard Spock had gotten, he grinned like the cat who'd swallowed the tribble.

Can anyone translate this please?

This is a tribble.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

This is Kirk up to his nipples in tribbles.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

They're basically large balls of fuzz that reproduce asexually. Feed them, and they multiply. But no matter- cats swallow hairballs, and if a cat swallowed a hairball that big, it's going to be a hell of a coughing fit.

And in a certain Deep Space 9 episode, one of those tribbles has a Tri-Cobolt bomb stuffed inside it, by the embittered Future version of Arne Dharvin, who used a Bajoran artifact (the Orb Of Time), to travel backwards in time in order to kill Kirk...

grmblfjx wrote:

Sooo... if you are that strict about Vulcans not having emotions, then you may as well NOT write slashy fanfiction about them falling in love.

Well, Vulcans do have emotions. In fact, they have much stronger emotions than humans. They just repress the ever loving hell out of them. Vulcans used to be crazy barbarians (with nukes) until Surak came along and started preaching a philosophy that centers itself around the suppression of emotion in favour of logic because they were pretty much going to kill themselves if they didn't get under control.

So if you're writing fanfiction where Vulcans have no emotions whatsoever, you suck at Star Trek.

Nonono. They don't *supress* their emotions. They *master* them.
A fine, but distinct difference. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

It's like admitting you're hungry and then refuse to eat.
Instead of pretending you're not hungry and that angry growl was your pet-cardassian-vole you haven't trained properly, yet.

As for the fanart: clear case of vicarious embarrassement for me.

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