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 Things You've Learned from Badfic

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Lady Anne
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AuthorMessage
Lady Anne
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
Lady Anne


Join date : 2009-06-12
Age : 47
Location : The land of the fruits and nuts

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 13 EmptySun Feb 05, 2012 11:15 pm

Having sex is the ultimate sacrifice.
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Rabid Badger
And This is Why I Need Medication
And This is Why I Need Medication
Rabid Badger


Join date : 2009-06-10

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 13 EmptyMon Feb 06, 2012 12:33 am

Conversely, if you have no real interest in sex, and would sooner spend your time reading or doing volunteer work, there's something terribly terribly wrong with you, and you should seek out immediate psychiatric help.

Also, if you haven't met 'THE ONE by the time you're 19 16, you are doomed to a lonely and loveless life. Because everyone knows that there is only One True Soulmate out there for everyone else. (we'll ignore the fact that when my mother met my dad, she was already dating another boy, and was seriously considering marrying him. Instead, she ended up marrying my dad after knowing him for three weeks).
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Mouse
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
Mouse


Join date : 2011-01-22

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 13 EmptyMon Feb 06, 2012 12:43 am

In fact, if you're ever in any kind of survival situation, the most important thing to do is not conserving energy or waiting for help or even not panicking, the key to survival is sex. Lots and lots of sex. Not only does it prevent loss of body heat, it also counteracts dehydration and keeps you from starving to death before rescue comes. Of course, pregnancy is the inevitable result of survival sex but then again, pregnancy is the result of any kind of sex, even masturbation. Besides the person you slept with in the heat of the moment will turn out to be a perfect parent to your little miracle, because TWU WUV always results from having sex, even if it was a high-stress situation.
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Harley Quinn hyenaholic
Knight of the Bleach
Knight of the Bleach
Harley Quinn hyenaholic


Join date : 2009-06-12
Age : 38
Location : Taking that picture...

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 13 EmptySat Feb 25, 2012 12:36 pm

If all the main characters are male, against all the 1 in 7 odds, they will all be gay.

I learned this by reading South Park Fanfiction and finding stories that have not merely the regular couples that are faggy, but up to all five of them IN THE SAME STORY.

Admittedly South Park is full of fags but seriously, all five of the top five characters? I mean, even Butters? For godssake he turned Pimp in one episode and he's had quite a few crushes by now!
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Knorg
Behind Blue Eyes
Behind Blue Eyes
Knorg


Join date : 2009-06-06
Age : 41
Location : The Forest

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 13 EmptySat Feb 25, 2012 1:23 pm

The rotting smell of zombie flesh is a powerful aphrodisiac.
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Rabid Badger
And This is Why I Need Medication
And This is Why I Need Medication
Rabid Badger


Join date : 2009-06-10

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 13 EmptySat Feb 25, 2012 6:14 pm

Knorg wrote:
The rotting smell of zombie flesh is a powerful aphrodisiac.

And people who have, up to that point, shown no known necrophiliac tendencies, instantly become aroused when presented with a zombie, instead of doing what any sane rational person would do-shoot it in the head, then throw up.
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Lady Anne
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
Lady Anne


Join date : 2009-06-12
Age : 47
Location : The land of the fruits and nuts

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 13 EmptySun Feb 26, 2012 10:58 am

Sex is the cure for everything.
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Knorg
Behind Blue Eyes
Behind Blue Eyes
Knorg


Join date : 2009-06-06
Age : 41
Location : The Forest

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 13 EmptySun Feb 26, 2012 1:51 pm

Rabid Badger wrote:
Knorg wrote:
The rotting smell of zombie flesh is a powerful aphrodisiac.

And people who have, up to that point, shown no known necrophiliac tendencies, instantly become aroused when presented with a zombie, instead of doing what any sane rational person would do-shoot it in the head, then throw up.

Kids! Just say NO! to Zilfs!
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Harley Quinn hyenaholic
Knight of the Bleach
Knight of the Bleach
Harley Quinn hyenaholic


Join date : 2009-06-12
Age : 38
Location : Taking that picture...

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 13 EmptyTue Feb 28, 2012 5:57 am

What's a Ziff? Is it like a Zombie Roll-up?
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EileenK98
Recovering Fanbrat
Recovering Fanbrat
EileenK98


Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 55
Location : very, very close to Chris

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 13 EmptyTue Feb 28, 2012 6:03 am

ZILF, I would presume, is the undead MILF.
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Knorg
Behind Blue Eyes
Behind Blue Eyes
Knorg


Join date : 2009-06-06
Age : 41
Location : The Forest

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 13 EmptyTue Feb 28, 2012 10:56 am

EileenK98 wrote:
ZILF, I would presume, is the undead MILF.

An Undeead MILF, at least. Don't forget VILFs and WILFs!
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Un1t 0n3

Un1t 0n3


Join date : 2011-12-20
Location : I was too young to remember back then.

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 13 EmptySun Mar 04, 2012 2:47 am

EileenK98 wrote:
Quote:
Incest is not wrong if the parties involved are robots.



Euglena wrote:
I have to ask: what fandom is this?


Don't forget Transformers. Sideswipe and Sunstreaker, Rumble and Frenzy, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Ratbat and Ravage, Blaster's Cassettes (Steeljaw, Ramhorn, Eject and so on)...any mecha that have a clearly familial connection are often casually involved in sexual relationships among their own and no one seems to have any issue with this whatsoever.

And again, even though there are female characters in Canon, these femmes amount to little more than a superfluous option, and a male on male relationship is preferred or favoured.

To each his own and all that, but really...is it that hard for some of these folks to write a monogamous heterosexual relationship? Granted, little is known about the female characters, but that simply leaves wiggle room; done well, an interesting character could be developed.

But then, there's always the option for "butt-babies", and that's more 'kawaii' than character development.
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Harley Quinn hyenaholic
Knight of the Bleach
Knight of the Bleach
Harley Quinn hyenaholic


Join date : 2009-06-12
Age : 38
Location : Taking that picture...

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 13 EmptyMon Mar 12, 2012 8:27 am

Butters Stotch and Kenny McCormick can be, and will be, paired together on a regular basis by a large number of people, even though Butters has never actually spoken to Kenny one-to-one, even thouh they both clearly prefer girls, and even though Butters is probably more likely to be raped by Cartman on a regular basis.

In fact the only thing they seem to have in common is that they're both blond and both probably mentally scarred; Kenny from multiple rebirths and Butters from emotional child abuse.

The same goes for ANY pairing between ANY two characters in ANY fandom. They don't need to have met, they don't need anything in common, they just need to look cute together.
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Lady Anne
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
Lady Anne


Join date : 2009-06-12
Age : 47
Location : The land of the fruits and nuts

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 13 EmptyMon Mar 12, 2012 8:42 pm

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:
Butters Stotch and Kenny McCormick can be, and will be, paired together on a regular basis by a large number of people, even though Butters has never actually spoken to Kenny one-to-one, even thouh they both clearly prefer girls, and even though Butters is probably more likely to be raped by Cartman on a regular basis.

In fact the only thing they seem to have in common is that they're both blond and both probably mentally scarred; Kenny from multiple rebirths and Butters from emotional child abuse.

The same goes for ANY pairing between ANY two characters in ANY fandom. They don't need to have met, they don't need anything in common, they just need to look cute together.
They don't even have to be in the same fandom.
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Rabid Badger
And This is Why I Need Medication
And This is Why I Need Medication
Rabid Badger


Join date : 2009-06-10

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 13 EmptyTue Mar 13, 2012 12:25 am

Lady Anne wrote:
Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:
Butters Stotch and Kenny McCormick can be, and will be, paired together on a regular basis by a large number of people, even though Butters has never actually spoken to Kenny one-to-one, even thouh they both clearly prefer girls, and even though Butters is probably more likely to be raped by Cartman on a regular basis.

In fact the only thing they seem to have in common is that they're both blond and both probably mentally scarred; Kenny from multiple rebirths and Butters from emotional child abuse.

The same goes for ANY pairing between ANY two characters in ANY fandom. They don't need to have met, they don't need anything in common, they just need to look cute together.
They don't even have to be in the same fandom.

Or the same species.
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Harley Quinn hyenaholic
Knight of the Bleach
Knight of the Bleach
Harley Quinn hyenaholic


Join date : 2009-06-12
Age : 38
Location : Taking that picture...

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 13 EmptyWed Mar 21, 2012 6:26 am

Looking at Halo and Mass Effect, they don't even need to both be Organic.
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Euglena
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
Euglena


Join date : 2012-01-26
Location : A petri dish

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 13 EmptyFri Mar 23, 2012 10:47 am

There are only three things that are important to know about any given character:

1.) Hair color
2.) Eye color
3.) Brief description of personality

Things like build, ethnicity, and facial features are extraneous and can be left out at whim. The character's personality as described in the exposition paragraph does not necessarily need to be consistent with said character's actions later on in the story. Simply stating that she's a fiery independent blonde who don't take crap from nobody will suffice, even if she becomes a whiny co-dependent headcase in Chapter 2. Also, be sure to state whether or not the character is beautiful in the exposition paragraph. No information on why the character is beautiful or what about the character makes him/her beautiful is necessary.


Last edited by Euglena on Fri Mar 23, 2012 10:48 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : herp derped on my grammar :/)
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Mouse
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
Mouse


Join date : 2011-01-22

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 13 EmptyFri Mar 23, 2012 8:00 pm

Nothing is more exciting than clothing descriptions. Not to mention more important. Readers don't give a rat's ass about personality or goals but heaven forbid we go through the story not knowing what shade of black the protagonist's panties are.
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Lady Anne
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
Lady Anne


Join date : 2009-06-12
Age : 47
Location : The land of the fruits and nuts

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 13 EmptySat Mar 24, 2012 8:53 am

If you're attracted to someone, you're in love with them, and therefore were never in love with your true love.
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Rabid Badger
And This is Why I Need Medication
And This is Why I Need Medication
Rabid Badger


Join date : 2009-06-10

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 13 EmptySat Mar 24, 2012 5:44 pm

Lady Anne wrote:
If you're attracted to someone, you're in love with them, and therefore were never in love with your true love.

Also, you're only allowed one true love in your life. If they die young, you're never allowed to fall in love again, and must spend the rest of your life mourning for them.
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Exodia's Right Leg
Shitgobbling pissdrinker
Shitgobbling pissdrinker
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Join date : 2009-08-04
Age : 38
Location : Niggertown, HUAHUEHUAland

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 13 EmptySun Mar 25, 2012 7:07 pm

Euglena wrote:
There are only three things that are important to know about any given character:

1.) Hair color
2.) Eye color
3.) Brief extremely detailed description of personality clothes
I think my version is more accurate.

(One thing in particular I hate about those descriptions is that they have no hierarchy. The most striking and/or important aspects, which would be worth dwelling on, are lost in a muddy mess of details that don't help you visualize the character at all. It reads less like a description and more like an item list)
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Anon
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Anon


Join date : 2010-01-20

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 13 EmptyMon Mar 26, 2012 12:40 am

Spanking is the ultimate form of punishment and can be used effectively on anyone, at any age, in any circumstances.

The relative strength of the person doing the spanking and the person being spanked is irrelevant, even when the latter has superhuman strength and the former doesn't.

This remains true when the latter regularly spars against opponents much closer to their own strength than the former.
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Lady Anne
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
Lady Anne


Join date : 2009-06-12
Age : 47
Location : The land of the fruits and nuts

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 13 EmptyMon Mar 26, 2012 8:40 pm

Breast cancer is romantic. Shocked
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Lady Anne
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
Lady Anne


Join date : 2009-06-12
Age : 47
Location : The land of the fruits and nuts

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 13 EmptyThu Apr 05, 2012 2:10 pm

A person can lose most of their blood and not only survive, but function perfectly well.
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Sheba
Shitgobbling pissdrinker
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Sheba


Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 36

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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Things You've Learned from Badfic - Page 13 EmptyMon Apr 16, 2012 12:06 pm

Lady Anne wrote:
Breast cancer is romantic. Shocked
Chemo will, at most, cause angst-able hair loss and a mild tummyache. Opportunistic infections and prednisone weightgain don't exist because they're not sexy.
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