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 Things You've Learned from Badfic

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Keith Fraser
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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Thu Sep 24, 2009 5:27 pm

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:
Quote :
cuntnuggets

I'm gonna remember that one. It's the best name for babies in bad having-a-baby fics ever.

Seconded.

kleine_kat wrote:
Alucard changing his baby's diaper because his wife was busy--and she isn't supposed to do it either, 'cause they're having a NANNY!!!

WHAT. :explode: That's possibly even worse than doing the same thing to Sephiroth or any character played by Johnny Depp.
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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Thu Sep 24, 2009 7:54 pm

-No matter how many superpowers one may have, they will lose them all the second some rapist targets them.

-Rapists have no other motives except "Need to repopulate my race" or "For the lulz." It's most often the latter.
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Sheba
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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Thu Sep 24, 2009 9:04 pm

The only outcome of rape is unplanned pregnancy. Not STDs, not vaginal/anal trauma, not PTSD. Just pregnancy.
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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Thu Sep 24, 2009 10:54 pm

...And when someone is being raped, their chances of getting pregnant shoot up to 95%. Even if they belong to a totally different genus/class/order/phyla/kingdom than the rapist. Even if they're male.
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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Thu Sep 24, 2009 11:29 pm

1. Time Lords are very keen on screwing close relatives.

2. Time Lords are very keen on screwing their own past/future selves.

3. A Dalek and a human can get it on.

4. K-9 and a human can get it on.

5. The Knacker's Yard Valeyard has human children.

6. One of these is Donna Noble.

7. Unresolved Sexual Tension is everywhere, no exceptions.

Eudyptula albosignata
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Harley Quinn hyenaholic
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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Fri Sep 25, 2009 7:46 am

The best cure for PTSD from rape, is not months of councelling. It's sex. And it cures all stress instantly.
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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Fri Sep 25, 2009 9:08 am

There is no better comedy in the world than that induced by the sugar rush, or crack cocaine. Crackfics are Teh Funneh, and if you don't laugh then you've all the sense of humour of Hitler's ballsack.
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Rabid Badger
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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Fri Sep 25, 2009 5:44 pm

When you get right down to it, all fanfic is about sex. It doesn't matter if it says it's adventure or AU or a vignette; the most important thing in it will be rather or not the writer's OTP get together. This can happen in fanfics as far-reaching as being based on post-apocalyptic scenarios involving zombies and the destruction of Earth. Underneath it all, it's all about whether or not your couple du jour will 'do it' before they die.
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T.S.Orr
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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Fri Sep 25, 2009 10:52 pm

Things I've learned from badfic:

Hitler was hot. In fact he was so hot that one of the presidents of the United States decided he wanted to sleep with him.

The Angel of Death was even hotter than Hitler. He didn't experiment on children with such things as sewing them together, blinding them, and things of that nature.

All characters are either white or Asian. Other minorities don't exist at all and when they do, they are teh ghetto friend that's only there for the laughs.

All males are gay. Even if they're straight in cannon they are teh instant gay.

There's no such thing a intelligent independent women in badfic. All they want to talk about is fashion, getting their hair done, and shooting out as many babies as their clown car vaginas can hold.
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Lady Anne
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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Sat Sep 26, 2009 3:12 pm

Sex always results in pregnancy. This is especially true if both partners are male or are different species (or both). Pregnancy is always welcome, and the baby (or babies) are always cute. They never have colic, never get fussy, can talk clearly by the age of three months, and can dance at one year of age. It is possible to have three babies in one year, and they aren't triplets or twins and a single.

Fatherhood makes all men into woobies. Women always prefer motherhood to having a career, and can never handle both. Women never die in childbirth, unless it's needed for teh angst, even in fandoms set in time periods where death in childbirth was common.

If you have consensual sex with anyone but your twu wuv, you're a slut. If it's rape, then the trauma will be cured by having sex with your twu wuv. If you love anyone, kiss anyone, or date anyone besides your twu wuv, you've cheated on them, even if you haven't met them yet.
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Harley Quinn hyenaholic
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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Thu Oct 08, 2009 10:55 am

The first thing anybody will EVER say upon entering somebody for the first time is, "SOOOOOOO TIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!"

The same goes for fanart of comics.
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Lady Anne
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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Fri Oct 23, 2009 9:36 pm

All villains are rapists. If they don't commit rape, then they're not really villains--they're just misunderstood.
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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Sat Oct 24, 2009 3:13 am

And if they do commit rape, it's still possible that they're just misunderstood... if they're hot enough. In that case getting raped by them is equivalent to a declaration of undying love. Only ugly villains can ever truly be rapists, don'tcha know, because it's not really rape when the girl (or guy, for those slashfics)  afterwards decides that she wanted it all along.
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Kevin M
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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Tue Oct 27, 2009 1:41 am

Supposedly Robin Hood fought, and defeated Cthulhu at some point in history. Strange. you would think historians would talk about that more often.
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Harley Quinn hyenaholic
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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Tue Oct 27, 2009 8:56 am

Roo wrote:
And if they do commit rape, it's still possible that they're just misunderstood... if they're hot enough. In that case getting raped by them is equivalent to a declaration of undying love. Only ugly villains can ever truly be rapists, don'tcha know, because it's not really rape when the girl (or guy, for those slashfics) afterwards decides that she wanted it all along.

Even ugly villains aren't necesserily rapists. Look at all those Jason Voorhees/OC fics. People carefully neglect the fact that he was always disfigured and 40 years living wild in the woods hasn't made him any more attractive. Or fragrant, for that matter.
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Lady Anne
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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Tue Oct 27, 2009 7:47 pm

Badfic geography:

1. There are icebergs in the Caribbean, especially in July.
2. The days are longer in New York in November than they are in May.
3. California is tropical. There are also icebergs there.
4. It doesn't rain in England.
5. It doesn't snow in Russia, but it does snow in the Bahamas.
6. Polar bears live in Antarctica. Penguins live in Alaska.
7. New Mexico is not in the United States. Neither is Iowa.
8. There are sugarcane plantations in Wisconsin.
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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Wed Oct 28, 2009 2:42 am

Lady Anne wrote:
4. It doesn't rain in England.
:roflmao: Presumably this was from someone who believed that all the Brits do is attend garden parties, drink tea and go "What". Therefore completely neglecting the fact that we have 56 words for "rain".

More fanbrat geography: apparently it is perfectly possible to walk from London to Paris in a day. Without getting your feet wet at all.
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frostflowers
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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Wed Oct 28, 2009 3:48 am

1. Sweden is a land full of blonde women, polar bears and endless snowfields. Also, we all speak with a German accent.

2. London is a skip and a hop away from Hogwarts, despite the castle being in Scotland. You can get lost in Hyde Park and end up in the Forbidden Forest, without any magic happening in-between.

3. Acting like a stalker is not creepy, but rather very romantic - but only if you're hot. Ugly people should be shot on sight.
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ZoZo
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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Wed Oct 28, 2009 4:47 am

frostflowers wrote:
2. London is a skip and a hop away from Hogwarts, despite the castle being in Scotland. You can get lost in Hyde Park and end up in the Forbidden Forest, without any magic happening in-between.
I've always found this one particularly confusing as every bloody book there's a six hour train ride from London. Six hours!
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frostflowers
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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Wed Oct 28, 2009 5:43 am

ZoZo wrote:
frostflowers wrote:
2. London is a skip and a hop away from Hogwarts, despite the castle being in Scotland. You can get lost in Hyde Park and end up in the Forbidden Forest, without any magic happening in-between.
I've always found this one particularly confusing as every bloody book there's a six hour train ride from London. Six hours!
Silly, silly ZoZo - don't you know they run that train in circles around London? Which reminds me:

Fact: The train ride from London to Hogwarts takes six hours. Or seventeen. Or a day. Or fifteen minutes. In fact, the duration of the train ride to Hogwarts is dictated entirely by dramaturgic demands.

... Not that fangirls would know appropriate dramaturgy if it up and bit them in the nose.
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Harley Quinn hyenaholic
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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Wed Oct 28, 2009 6:31 am

Robot genitalia is exactly like human genitalia. Right down to getting hard-ons. The concept that they may have sex in a different way is completely inconcievable.

Also,
Quote :
4. It doesn't rain in England.
The hell? It does nothing BUT rain in England! We were told we were gonna have a barbeque summer this year and the sun barely came out for more than a couple of days in a row.
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EileenK98
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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Wed Oct 28, 2009 7:51 am

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:
Robot genitalia is exactly like human genitalia. Right down to getting hard-ons. The concept that they may have sex in a different way is completely inconcievable.

Only in your fics, Harley.

Quote :
Also,
Quote :
4. It doesn't rain in England.
The hell? It does nothing BUT rain in England! We were told we were gonna have a barbeque summer this year and the sun barely came out for more than a couple of days in a row.

The fanbrats who set their fics in England do not live there. In fact, I doubt they've ever been any closer to England than watching BBC America.
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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Wed Oct 28, 2009 7:56 am

Aye. There was a highschool Torchwood fanfic sporked once on GAFF, in which a blonde Gwen was woken up by some kind of servant and went down to the 'main' kitchen for her breakfast.

I live close to a building made entirely as a holiday home for Prince Regent a couple of hundred years ago, the Pavillion in Brighton, England. I've been in there on a tour and I can promise you that, despite the opulence of the place, there is only one kitchen.

The multiple kitchen thing still does my nut to this day.

Also, we have been getting long droughts in the UK for about 10 years. So the 'doesn't rain' thing isn't too far from the truth.
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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Wed Oct 28, 2009 3:02 pm

ZoZo wrote:
Lady Anne wrote:
4. It doesn't rain in England.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Presumably this was from someone who believed that all the Brits do is attend garden parties, drink tea and go "What". Therefore completely neglecting the fact that we have 56 words for "rain".
That is an unexpected one, I always thought we were so famous for having rain that people think it rains much more here than it actually does.
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Sorsa A. Jänis
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PostSubject: Re: Things You've Learned from Badfic   Wed Oct 28, 2009 3:06 pm

Fairlight wrote:
ZoZo wrote:
Lady Anne wrote:
4. It doesn't rain in England.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Presumably this was from someone who believed that all the Brits do is attend garden parties, drink tea and go "What". Therefore completely neglecting the fact that we have 56 words for "rain".
That is an unexpected one, I always thought we were so famous for having rain that people think it rains much more here than it actually does.
At least I had lived in an impression that it's always raining there and at least it's foggy.
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