Cori Falls

Good ol' R*cketshipping Ash-bashing Sue-making canon-raping tantrum-throwing-in-authornotes self-inserting Cori Falls. Discuss! Favorite fic for sheer badness, one that made you wanna punch your screen the hardest, one that could've been nice if it, y'know, didn't suck ass, etc.

I had a few ideas back on the old GAFF: What to do if you get trapped in a Corific, how to avoid being trapped in Corific, and this new one: You know you're in a Corific when...

I salvaged Roo's second "Four Stages of Corific" essay, if you need it.

Snake Bandage wrote:

I salvaged Roo's second "Four Stages of Corific" essay, if you need it.

I have a copy, but it's an older one. So yes. :D

Well, here we go then!

The Four Stages of Corific by Roo - downloadable from various sources

Enjoy your aneurysm.

Snake Bandage wrote:

Well, here we go then!

The Four Stages of Corific by Roo - downloadable from various sources

Enjoy your aneurysm.

Aww, and it even saved our little discussion there! :D

Cori's early fics remind me of the AAMRNs I used to read back in the day. Sappy and mildly OOC with lots of angst, drama and pining, but at least they were readable for the most part. 

I've never read AAMRNs, never was into Pokeshipping. But as far as Rocketshippy fanfiction goes - hell, shippy fanfiction in general - Cori Falls takes the cake. It was just mildly OOC and mediocre at first, but then the constant "mistreatment" of her woobies made her go completely batshit insane and her fics became model badfics. By the last few fics, the WTF level goes WAAAAAAY up and the entire saga really earns a place up there with the big bad ones. It's a shame her Yu-Gi-Oh saga wasn't that epic, it was fairly standard Canon Stu/Mary "Self Insert" Sue from the very beginning.

You know, nowadays even the bad Rocketshippy fanfics try to stay far away from the Cori Falls model. That makes me smile.

Snake Bandage wrote:

I've never read AAMRNs, never was into Pokeshipping. But as far as Rocketshippy fanfiction goes - hell, shippy fanfiction in general - Cori Falls takes the cake. It was just mildly OOC and mediocre at first, but then the constant "mistreatment" of her woobies made her go completely batshit insane and her fics became model badfics. By the last few fics, the WTF level goes WAAAAAAY up and the entire saga really earns a place up there with the big bad ones. It's a shame her Yu-Gi-Oh saga wasn't that epic, it was fairly standard Canon Stu/Mary "Self Insert" Sue from the very beginning.

You know, nowadays even the bad Rocketshippy fanfics try to stay far away from the Cori Falls model. That makes me smile.

I still wish I'd saved all her YGO fics, but the pretty-yet-awful art is enough to feed my need for lulz.

I remember thinking Rocket Princess by CTR was the epitome of melodramatic soppy TR fic, but now that I've experienced Cori and her epic awfulness that one is almost a breath of fresh air.

Sara Jaye wrote:

I still wish I'd saved all her YGO fics, but the pretty-yet-awful art is enough to feed my need for lulz.

Oh, totally! I haven't even finished half of those fic, I want to read about how Rex meets "Pagan" again!

I tried to look for Rocket Princess right now, but when I found it and realized it has Sailor Moon characters in it I immediately closed that tab. I haven't even watched Sailor Moon but I already know that when it crossovers with anything, that's bad news. :suspect:

Oh, hey, you know, when I was looking at how much a copy of Surf's Up, Pikachu costs these days (way too much), I found myself at Amazon.com looking for Cori Falls' review on the thing. I didn't find her name and thought it'd been deleted, but then I thought the name of the reviewer Dragon Lady Ryuzaki looked WAY too familiar. Yup, that's what Cori goes by these days, apparently! But, all I found on Google were multiple reviews on TR-related merchandice. And here I was thinking I've found her.

Snake Bandage wrote:

Sara Jaye wrote:

I still wish I'd saved all her YGO fics, but the pretty-yet-awful art is enough to feed my need for lulz.

Oh, totally! I haven't even finished half of those fic, I want to read about how Rex meets "Pagan" again!

I tried to look for Rocket Princess right now, but when I found it and realized it has Sailor Moon characters in it I immediately closed that tab. I haven't even watched Sailor Moon but I already know that when it crossovers with anything, that's bad news. :suspect:

Oh, hey, you know, when I was looking at how much a copy of Surf's Up, Pikachu costs these days (way too much), I found myself at Amazon.com looking for Cori Falls' review on the thing. I didn't find her name and thought it'd been deleted, but then I thought the name of the reviewer Dragon Lady Ryuzaki looked WAY too familiar. Yup, that's what Cori goes by these days, apparently! But, all I found on Google were multiple reviews on TR-related merchandice. And here I was thinking I've found her.

I want to say there ARE good Sailormoon crossovers out there, but I highly doubt it. Or the good ones are ones I've barely heard of and can't remember.

So she's still on the internet and still crazy?

Man, I tried to read that Rocket Princess thing and sporfled. It's not nearly as bad as Corific, few things are, but it's still laughable. The plot is ridiculous enough, but "Meowth-chan"? Please.

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So she's still on the internet and still crazy?

I don't know, all these reviews were so old!!! She was online long enough to change her SN, that's for sure...

Snake Bandage wrote:

Man, I tried to read that Rocket Princess thing and sporfled. It's not nearly as bad as Corific, few things are, but it's still laughable. The plot is ridiculous enough, but "Meowth-chan"? Please.

Quote :

So she's still on the internet and still crazy?

I don't know, all these reviews were so old!!! She was online long enough to change her SN, that's for sure...

OH GOD I forgot all about the ridiculous use of -chan in that one. XD

I'm still curious about that Harry Potter fic she kept talking about.

Dude, I know! I really wanted to see who's her resident woobie couple in the HP fandom. I hope she wasn't a crazy Snapefan who thought he's an angel and thought Harry and the Marauders are asswipes. I mean, that's not even original in this fandom!

Snake Bandage wrote:

Dude, I know! I really wanted to see who's her resident woobie couple in the HP fandom. I hope she wasn't a crazy Snapefan who thought he's an angel and thought Harry and the Marauders are asswipes. I mean, that's not even original in this fandom!

My bets are on Draco/Pansy, Draco/Mary Sue, or Harry/Ginny. (I can just picture that last one with her inserting her opinions on the fandom and Harmonians via Ginny "having an awful dream where Hermione and some other girls called her slut and bitch for being in love with Harry, NOOOOES ;_; and Harry being a damn knight in shining armor. XD)

Man, she would've felt right at home in the Harry Potter fandom. 90% of the shippers there are just as batshit as she is.

I think she would've made for a wonderful BNF of sorts in the Avatar fandom too. Sappy OOC Zuko/Mai, wasn't that your idea?

Snake Bandage wrote:

Man, she would've felt right at home in the Harry Potter fandom. 90% of the shippers there are just as batshit as she is.

I think she would've made for a wonderful BNF of sorts in the Avatar fandom too. Sappy OOC Zuko/Mai, wasn't that your idea?

Yep. XD And Katara would be the Mistyfigure who bitched at Zuko until he ripped her a new one, made her cry and then offered to be friends. And Katara totally had a thing for him but knew he and Mai were soulmates so she hid her angst behind hate.

I don't know who she'd woobify* in the Phoenix Wright/Apollo Justice fandom, but I can see her making Phoenix (and possibly Apollo) into her "Ash", and Edgeworth into her "Gary".

*I want to say Godot, but he's canonically a horrible bastard who's badly hurting on the inside, so that wouldn't really be out of character. Oh wait, she'd make everyone side with him because he's just so badass and totally right in everything he does, instead of being emotionally fucked up and completely unable to get over his past.

oh and in Apollo Justice she'd probably woobify Kristoph, glossing over the horrible things he does and making his victims into completely loathesome individuals who totally had it coming. And his brother Klavier would be his biggest cheerleader and do delightful things like slam fifteen year old girls into walls and scream in their faces about what losers they are.

I don't know, Cyberwulf, I don't get the feeling she'd like Kristoph much. The characters Cori likes the most will steal, cheat or just act like arrogant assholes in canon (and that's just A-OK!), but they're not the type who'd intentionally kill or maim people. Judging by her treatment of Jessiebelle, she'd hate Kristoph.

Sometimes I think it's a shame she never got into Digimon. Digimon Adventure 02 would've provided her with Arukenimon and Mummymon and so much material to work with. SO MUCH. I'm currently working on an essay about what would've happened if she had gotten into Digimon. You know, other than me trying to orchestrate my own lobotomy.

...Hey, Sara, you should post your essay about what Cori Falls would write in the Avatar fandom!

Snake Bandage wrote:

I don't know, Cyberwulf, I don't get the feeling she'd like Kristoph much. The characters Cori likes the most will steal, cheat or just act like arrogant assholes in canon (and that's just A-OK!), but they're not the type who'd intentionally kill or maim people. Judging by her treatment of Jessiebelle, she'd hate Kristoph.

Sometimes I think it's a shame she never got into Digimon. Digimon Adventure 02 would've provided her with Arukenimon and Mummymon and so much material to work with. SO MUCH. I'm currently working on an essay about what would've happened if she had gotten into Digimon. You know, other than me trying to orchestrate my own lobotomy.

...Hey, Sara, you should post your essay about what Cori Falls would write in the Avatar fandom!

I still wish I'd saved the post from the old, old GAFF (like, circa '04) about how Cori would do Sailor Moon. XD I remember her version would be all about Rei and the Rei/Yuuichiro pairing and the bashing of the Sailor Starlights.

Oooh, good idea. XD Will follow up with...probably multiple postings since it's pretty long!

Her OTP: Mai/Zuko
Her favorite woobie: Zuko
Her most hated character: Azula, Zhao, Aang unless he's redeemed

She would have Mai along with Zuko on his quest, which is a good idea in and of itself-hell, I'm writing a whole damn fic series based on that idea! But she would muck it up six ways from Sunday because, well, she's Cori.

Mai would assume the James role in terms of family life-prominent rich parents and everything she could ever want, but her parents don't love her for who she is. In every other walk of life she'd be Jessie: Tsundere on the outside, oh so soft and delicate on the inside. Zuko is Her Everything and the exploding ship episode would give her wangsty nightmares. In other words she wouldn't be the pragmatic, snarky knife nut we all know and love. She'd have two pair of Mary Sue/Gary Stu grandparents to comfort her, though!

Zuko would assume Jessie's role in terms of parentage and backstory. Loving mother taken cruelly away from him, abused by his dad aka the guy who wanted him to be his slave and follow in his footsteps, mean sister and asshole Zhao always dogging his footsteps and trying to fuck up his life. He'd have a little James in there as well; Iroh would be the grandfatherly figure who made it better by stroking Zuko's ego. But of course, Ozai would eventually See The Light, beg on his knees for Zuko's forgiveness and becomes a Loving Father. And he'd also apologize to Iroh and they'd become the BFF Brothers they never were and always wanted to be because Azulon was So Evil and forced them apart. (Zuko's Good Grandparents would be given names and backstory and become a pair of Sues kind of like Cori!James's grandparents Jim and Rose.)

And she'd make the story of Zuko's scar ten times angstier, way past the point of "jesus fuck poor Zuko Ozai needs to diaf" and into "and we're supposed to care WHY?".

Together, they'd travel the world in a Team Rocket sort of way and Cori would probably bring back Zuko's hawk from the original pilot to function as their Meowth.

Aang, Katara and Sokka would function as The Twerps, and Momo as Pikachu. Only in this case they'd be trying to capture the kid rather than his pet, which would justify the Gaang kicking their asses even more. Only in Cori's world they're petty monsters and sadists because in Cori's world defending yourself makes you a monster if you're not her favorite. So Aang would be a whiny brat who branded Zuko and Mai as OMG EVOL and refused to listen to reason, and insensitively didn't care when the OTP shared their sob stories. Because attacking people is okay if you had a bad childhood.

She could go one of five ways:

1) Redeem Katara and Sokka but not Aang

2) Redeem Katara but not Aang and Sokka

3) Redeem Sokka but not Aang and Katara

4) Redeem Aang and Katara but not Sokka

5) Redeem them all using a Weevil plot device


Katara would randomly develop a crush on Zuko and be jealous of Mai and Zuko would rip her a new one until she cried. Then she'd pretend to hate them while secretly being their friend and a huge Maiko shipper. If and and Aang are redeemed they fall in love and wangst about it in the same fashion as a typical AAMRN. If Katara is redeemed but not Aang she goes off with Jet or Haru. (She would totally keep Jet alive and give him a wangsty redemption arc.)

Suki would play a bigger role but have a ridiculously angsty past and even more ridiculous crippling guilt issues over her and the Kyoshi Warriors being imprisoned and the fall of Ba Sing Se, requiring Sokka to play the soppy knight in shining armor who knows All The Right Things To Say rather than trying to cheer her up with lame jokes. That is, if he's redeemed. If not, Cori gives Suki a Gary Stu love interest or shoves her together with Jet or Haru.

Azula would be the evil bitch who eventually fell from grace and be exiled by Loving Daddy Ozai because it's somehow all her fault he didn't see how amazing Zuko was. Ty Lee would be their Gary and have all her awesomeness stripped away and her backstory retconned into her having loving parents and a Gary Stu older brother who also becomes BFF with Mai-Sue and Zuko-Stu. If not Ty Lee, Jet would be Gary with a loving adoptive family who so kindly took him in after he recovered from Lake Laogai.
The "talking to dead people" thing would at least make sense because of the Spirit World, but it'd be used as a vehicle for sap more than anything else. Iroh has sappy conversations with his dead wife and wangsty convos with his dead son, Mai has soppy conversations with her Mary Sue and Gary Stu grandparents. Katara has weepy convos with her mother and Sokka eventually does too.

As for Mai and Zuko's former love interests who fucked them over (because they have to be there as a Rule) she'd use June or spirit Jin into the canon of season 1 as Zuko's Abusive Ex and have Mai formerly engaged to a Zuko-alike (sans the scar) who abused her and it turns out he's why she acts emotionless. And just so the girl would have more trauma cause Cori is sexist like that, she'd make Mai's parents such assholes they'd punish HER when the guy treated her badly. Oh, and he tried to sexually abuse her which makes her wangsty during her and Zuko's first time.

And speaking of sex, the implied hot Maiko sexytiems would become full-blown Cori-style "lovemaking", bland and soppy and lasting hours upon hours. Everything would be a reason for super-hot sex, from needing comfort after a bad day to celebrating Zuko not getting his ass handed to him or Mai...not burning dinner. Or something like that.

She'd also do a sappy reunion scene for Ozai and Ursa with lots of crying and rationalizing of whatever bad things he did and Zuko crying sparkling tears of joy that MOMMY AND DADDY ARE BACK TOGETHER AGAIN OMG!!

The grand finale would be All About Mai And Zuko Saving The World With Their Love somehow. Mai would be captured or something, Zuko would wangst, they'd each discover their Speshul Powers Of The Soul and come together in a grand epic I LOVE YOU LET'S USE OUR SOULS TO DEFEAT THE EVIL battle of epic proportions. If she went with the redeemed!Aang plot she'd make him kill the Fire Lord to "prove" he's worthy of being liked by her or some shit like that and as an excuse for him to wangst and Katara to give a schmoopy "awwww ur not a monster snookums it had to be done! :DDD here lemme sex away your murder traumas *smooch smooch*" speech. Actually the concept along might make for an interesting AU-type fic, much as I love canon!Aang not sacrificing his principles for the sake of "a real man is a killer".

...and then of course, Ozai would turn out to actually be alive because the spirits "deemed him worthy" of another chance and this would spur his happy startover with Zuko and banishment of Azula. But she'd still find a way to milk Aang for plenty of wangst at "almost taking a human life".

Oh, and she'd make an entire plot of Toph exploration where she suffers the same character derailment as Jessie in her Pokemon fics. Her crush on Sokka is 10x deeper and wangstier until The Duke (aged up), Teo (with working legs so he can be a better hero for fragile flower Toph) or a Gary Stu came to sweep her off her feet. Her blindness causes her the kind of wangst it never did in canon. And of course, she gets a patch-things-up redemption story with her folks, who throw themselves on her mercy.

But oh no, it doesn't end there! After the finale she'd do a buttload of future-fic about Mai and Zuko getting married and having 2.3 perfect little children who are essentially clones of them. Mai's parents would get THEIR redemption arc brought on by a Stuified Tom-Tom who catches a bit of Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome so he's old enough to spout sappy platitudes about love and family and friendship. We'd have nauseating scenes of loving Grandpa Ozai buttering up Zuko to the grandkids and Zuko being all "Aww Dad you're too kind :D" (in reality if Ozai did that Zuko would just be like "Nice try but I still like Uncle better than you") and Mai's parents buttering HER up like she was a piece of bread. Hawky would meet a nice girlhawk and they'd lay just enough eggs for each child, not to mention the children of Cori's other Star Couples, to have their own cutesy baby hawk pet. Her beta couple would be either Sokka/Suki, Aang/Katara, Jet/Katara, Jet/Mary Sue or Ty Lee/Gary Stu (Or Jet/Ty Lee or Suki/Haru if she didn't create OC love interests for them). Oh, and she'd find a way to shoehorn LOTR/Harry Potter names into the Avatarverse for the kiddies, although as a rule at least one of every couple's kids would be named after a dead relative. (Speaking of Cori's interests, she'd probably find a way to tailor those to the Avatarverse and write long paragraphs of Zuko and Mai gushing over "Emperor of the Ring" or Ty Lee babbling about "And To The West, We Stab", some random music group who played soppy emo hardcore rock ballads on the Tsungi Horn.)

And of course, one or more of Cori's most hated characters would occasionally show up to cause trouble only to get their ass handed to them in epic beatdown of overreaction fashion.

Oh, and any canon she didn't agree with would be used as "it was all just a bad dream or a premonition of What Might Have Been If They Made The Wrong Choice", to reaffirm how Cori's version is the TRUE story of what happened.

Snake Bandage wrote:

I don't know, Cyberwulf, I don't get the feeling she'd like Kristoph much. The characters Cori likes the most will steal, cheat or just act like arrogant assholes in canon (and that's just A-OK!), but they're not the type who'd intentionally kill or maim people.

Hmm.

She'd probably like Zak Gramarye, then

And oh God I keep imagining her writing Phoenix as hallucinating that he's a good lawyer and constantly being given clients who are totally guilty, just to satisfy the legal requirement for a trial. And he'd be yelling Ash-style at the prosecutors and trying to present pocket lint as evidence.

If Cori was into the PW fandom, I wonder if she'd Sue Franziska. She's a bit like Jessie. Though jerkass-woman, who is really a fragile damsel in distress who's acting that way to deal with her horrible childhood. Then again, she's a bit like Jessebelle, or whatever her name is, too. *cough*

Lurv wrote:

If Cori was into the PW fandom, I wonder if she'd Sue Franziska. She's a bit like Jessie. Though jerkass-woman, who is really a fragile damsel in distress who's acting that way to deal with her horrible childhood. Then again, she's a bit like Jessebelle, or whatever her name is, too. *cough*

What would she do about Dick Gumshoe? He's not the conventionally attractive type, would she give him a makeover or bastardize him? (Her fics have an underlying message of Beauty Equals Goodness, yargh)

Unrelated! We definitely need to make a Cori Falls fic survival guide.

Sara Jaye wrote:

Unrelated! We definitely need to make a Cori Falls fic survival guide.

Wouldn't surviving a Cori Falls fic just involve leaving your brain at the door? :wooper:

Sara Jaye wrote:

What would she do about Dick Gumshoe?

I think it depends on what she does with Edgeworth. If Edgey is one of her woobies I can see Gumshoe being turned into his biggest cheerleader - even moreso than he is in canon. He'd be the one shoving people into walls and screaming in their faces if they don't think Edgeworth is the coolest guy in the world. Otherwise he'd probably be in the Brock/Tracy role.

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(Her fics have an underlying message of Beauty Equals Goodness, yargh)

LOL Godot would get sooo woobified

You know, I'm torn between thinking she has a really good opinion of herself and a huge ego, and thinking she's ridiculously insecure. I mean, the way she portrayed Jessie is probably a case of a canon character turned superpowered author avatar, and Ryuuzaki's girlfriend Pagan is just... well, a Self Insert Mary Sue. And they're both described as beautiful and perfect and all that. So.