Why God, Why?


 
HomeHome  FAQFAQ  RegisterRegister  Log in  

Share | 
 

 The rebellion!

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
GeorgeUK
Sporkbender
Sporkbender


Join date : 2011-05-16

PostSubject: The rebellion!   Mon Nov 24, 2014 2:03 pm

Sypnosis:
Quote :
A young colt named Thunder Chaser gets left on the side of the road and finds two young fillies named Note Crusher and Dark Rebellion who let him join their family. A few years later, Dark Rebellion gets mad when Thunder falls in love with her sister instead of herself, so she tries to take over Equestria

I hate to think what happens if someone cuts in front of her in the grocery store queue.


Quote :
It was a nice, sunny day in Pony Ville,

As the pony who wrote the "Welcome to" sign was getting fired.


Quote :
as Note Crusher and Dark Rebellion

"Hitler von Killington" being too subtle.


Quote :
played in their front yard. As they were yelling and galloping towards each other! Something appeared in the distance…

I have a bad feeling about this.


Quote :
it was a colt. Note Crusher paused a gleam appeared in her eye. It was like they were the only two ponies in the world. Then she walks to him.

"You're not Prince Martin Willis? EW! No thanks!"


Quote :
“ who are you?” she questioned him.

"And where were you on the night of Tuesday the 18th November 2014?"


Quote :
getting lost into Notes eyes

Ouch.


Quote :
Note Crusher said, “I’m Note Crusher and that’s my sister Dark Rebellion.”

Again, that really should set the alarm bells ringing.


Quote :
Note Crusher, “ we are good.

Well, one of us isn't.


Quote :
Some time goes by since then and the three are very very good friends but Thunder Chaser has a very strong liking towards Note Crusher. He has liked her for along time now, and she has liked him. The thing is Dark Rebellion likes Thunder as well and she doesn’t know the other two like each other.

It's not as though she'd take it any better if she did know.


Quote :
Thunder, “ the reason I’m here is because I was abandoned by my parents. They dropped me off in the middle of nowhere and they kept my younger brother. They didn’t want me anymore. And his name.. is Lightning Chaser.”

Looks like we need to sound the cliche klaxon!


Quote :
Dark got so mad and angry that Thunder told Note but not her. She set off on a journey to find Thunders Brother. She finally made it to the house and when she knocked on the door a pony was standing before her.

"Hello, do you have a few minutes to talk about our lord and saviour Jesus Christ?"


Quote :
Dark, “hello I’m looking for Lightning Chaser. Is he around?”

"Is this a joke? He went to the chair three years ago!"


Quote :
Lightning Chaser, “that’s me. Can I help you?”

"Yes, I'll have six cupcakes please."

Next time on The Rebellion!: The one who rules all... (surprisingly, not Celestia.)
Back to top Go down
hottienanako20

avatar

Join date : 2012-05-21
Age : 41
Location : I live in the US. Nanako lives in Kasukabe.

PostSubject: Re: The rebellion!   Tue Nov 25, 2014 8:33 am

Some time goes by since then and the three are very very good friends but Thunder Chaser has a very strong liking towards Note Crusher. He has liked her for along time now, and she has liked him. The thing is Dark Rebellion likes Thunder as well and she doesn’t know the other two like each other wrote:

Sounds like a summary. Maybe the author stuck two stories together because they didn't work on their own?
Back to top Go down
Chris91
Knight of the Bleach
Knight of the Bleach
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-13
Age : 50
Location : Salem, Mass., USA

PostSubject: Re: The rebellion!   Wed Nov 26, 2014 8:40 am

Or maybe the author's just plain dumb.
Back to top Go down
ViewSonic
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
avatar

Join date : 2013-05-05
Location : Where the lonely people come from

PostSubject: Re: The rebellion!   Thu Nov 27, 2014 7:09 pm

With the pony names, some authors can do it, and some can't.

This author needs an entirely new category for himself only.
Back to top Go down
TheIan
Armbiter of Good Fanfiction
Armbiter of Good Fanfiction
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-12
Location : Dining car on the Train of Time, DenLiner

PostSubject: Re: The rebellion!   Fri Nov 28, 2014 5:18 pm

Note Crusher? Dark Rebellion?
These are not pony names. These are indie-punk bands that only hipsters would deny you've ever heard of.
I'm all for originality and creative generation, but when it comes to naming characters, you have to be clever.
Not to flaunt my own Bronyism, but I happen to have a few characters of my own: Silk Strings, Pencil Scratch, Sky Castle (This one I'm proud of most and like better than the others), Lightspeed, and Chrono Shift (It was a weird role-playing group). The naming conventions have to come from knowing what your character is going to do. Sky Castle is a writer, and his name reflects his imaginative works. Silk Strings is a prodigal violinist.
I see a name like Note Crusher and I think of some pony who's just really bad at singing. Dark Rebellion isn't even a good name. It's a terrible punk band.
Back to top Go down
GeorgeUK
Sporkbender
Sporkbender


Join date : 2011-05-16

PostSubject: Re: The rebellion!   Fri Nov 28, 2014 7:04 pm

Quote :
Chapter 2: The one who rules all...

You mean her?
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


Quote :
A silence came upon Dark.

Silence: "I'm sorry, that's never happened before."


Quote :
She was stun by the sight of Lightning Chaser, he was so big and so powerful looking.

So? I bet he can't crush a can with his own beer gut.


Quote :
His face turned a solid red.

"Oh sweet Celestia I'm touching cloth!"


Quote :
Dark, “ well yes he lives with me and my family and has fell in lve with my sister.” “ I am fed up with her getting everything and I need someone to help me take her over…. Can you help?”




Quote :
Lightning, “ my older brother got everything when I was little, I cried so much and he never comforted me. My parents got rid of him for me. I have so much hate for him.”

Makes sense.


Quote :
She was desperate for his help and was aching for him to agree to help her take over the world and destroy Pony Ville.

Oh, if only there were six friends who wielded powerful magical elements to ward off evil! But, as far as I'm aware, no such ponies exist.


Quote :
Lightning, “ I do hate him very much. ”

I doubt he thinks highly of you either.


Quote :
Dark stood there and screamed “ yes!!” now I can rule everything. It will all be mine! she thought to herself.

And then Lightning Chaser took off his mask. He was Ron Raper!


Quote :
Lightning, “ now wont you come in so we can get to know each other a little better if we are going in to business together.”

Bow-chicka-wow-wow.


Quote :
And then this is how it all began for the two partners.

It ended six years later after several ponzi schemes and a failed attempt to bribe an FBI agent.

Next time on the rebellion: The Planning
Back to top Go down
GeorgeUK
Sporkbender
Sporkbender


Join date : 2011-05-16

PostSubject: Re: The rebellion!   Mon Dec 01, 2014 1:50 pm

Chapter 3: The Planning

Skip the plan, go straight to the execution. As in the execution of whoever wrote this.

Quote :
“they arent here.. Well they died a year ago…”

Interesting...


Quote :
I’m very sorry…”

"Oh never mind. They had a very large life insurance policy."


Quote :
They then start to plan out what they want their siblings to feel and the pain that they will go through.

"So it's settled then. We tie them up and make them watch Nativity 3, St. Vincent and Horrible Bosses 2."


Quote :
Lightning, “ I want him to feel what I felt, the pain and suffer I went through for those years I was with him.”

What pain and suffering? You got your parents to disown him!


Quote :
Dark, “ yes! Me too I want her to feel the pain I felt when she took your brother right away from me…”

Yes. Keep telling your partner-in-crime how much you want to get into bed with his arch-enemy.


Quote :
well uhm uhm uhm why do you like him?”

Needs more uhm.


Quote :
She looked up at him and she started to talk about taking the world over again. “ I think we should go to Pony Ville and take them over first.”

I'll give you five seconds before you're rainbow'd.


Quote :
“ yes I agree with you on that to let everyone know that we mean business, also it is right were Note and Thunder are.”

Chrysalis: "Pfft. Amateurs."


Quote :
“ exactly! So we can take them down!”

Meanwhile...

4th Hole, the Links at Costa Fortuna

Rainbow Dash: "Your shot, Twilight."

Twilight: "I think we should return to Ponyville, they may need our help."

Rainbow Dash: "Come on Twilight! There's no threat. We're on holiday, remember? And the two biggest threats to Equestria are currently waiting for you to hole out so we can move to the next hole."

Next time: The start of disaster
Back to top Go down
Chris91
Knight of the Bleach
Knight of the Bleach
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-13
Age : 50
Location : Salem, Mass., USA

PostSubject: Re: The rebellion!   Tue Dec 02, 2014 5:49 pm

You mean this thing wasn't a total disaster already?
Back to top Go down
Arcadia Rose

avatar

Join date : 2013-10-23
Age : 48
Location : Providence, RI

PostSubject: Re: The rebellion!   Fri Dec 05, 2014 10:57 pm

Next on Breaking Equestria...it was all...

just a dream! (insert dramatic chipmunk music here)
Back to top Go down
Chris91
Knight of the Bleach
Knight of the Bleach
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-13
Age : 50
Location : Salem, Mass., USA

PostSubject: Re: The rebellion!   Sat Dec 06, 2014 3:11 pm

Breaking Equestria: the reason the phrase "KILL IT WITH FIRE!" was invented.
Back to top Go down
TheIan
Armbiter of Good Fanfiction
Armbiter of Good Fanfiction
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-12
Location : Dining car on the Train of Time, DenLiner

PostSubject: Re: The rebellion!   Sat Dec 06, 2014 7:56 pm

Chris91 wrote:
Breaking Equestria: the reason the phrase "KILL IT WITH FIRE!" was invented.
Don't even think about doing that Project AFTER Brony-hate bullshit, Chris. It's unjustified.

A phrase like, "KILL IT WITH FIRE!" was coined for something like geriatric porn, or that giant spider occupying that one lone corner in your bathroom. You know the one.
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: The rebellion!   

Back to top Go down
 
The rebellion!
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» [New Set] Clash of Rebellion
» [SCD New] Odd-Eyes Rebellion Dragon
» Deck #1: RR-Rise Falcon (beta)
» [SCD New] Odd-Eyes Absolute Dragon
» Role Play - The Rebellion

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Why God, Why? :: The Sporking Table :: New Releases-
Jump to: