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 Fuck Ya'll I'm Reviewing Black Metal

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Mr.Doobie
Knight of the Bleach
Knight of the Bleach
Mr.Doobie

Join date : 2009-10-23
Location : under the sink

Fuck Ya'll I'm Reviewing Black Metal Empty
PostSubject: Fuck Ya'll I'm Reviewing Black Metal   Fuck Ya'll I'm Reviewing Black Metal EmptySat Oct 04, 2014 3:51 pm

Lately I've found myself returning to one of my first musical loves. Lo-fi recordings of unattractive, hairy Norwegians in make-up shrieking...



Metal has some of the most ridiculously precise subgenres in the world and black is no exception. I for one am surprised that a genre whose most enduring trademark is goofy self-indulgence would feel the need to distinguish an entire subgenre dedicated to music strictly about being suicidal. It's called Depressive Suicidal Black Metal (DSBM) and it is glorious...



And did I say goofy self-indulgence? Everything in the You Might Like... tabs has names like "And End...", "Time Heals Nothing", "Sleep Forever", "Tortured by Solitude", "Defeated by Life", and, of course, "Suicide". This is amazing. It reminds me of why I got into this kinda stuff in the first place. Why fuck around with things like "poetic" lyrics or "subtlety" just tell me how you really feel.

I have no idea why it all makes me so giddy. Maybe it's because considering the fact that roughly 55% of all music you will ever hear is navel-gazing written by the chronically mopey it's kinda cool to hear someone screaming at said navel like it's the worst thing ever and it fucked their mom.

Or maybe it's schadenfreude who knows...
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Hot Cancer
Playwright
Playwright
Hot Cancer

Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 33
Location : Your Pancreas

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PostSubject: Re: Fuck Ya'll I'm Reviewing Black Metal   Fuck Ya'll I'm Reviewing Black Metal EmptySat Oct 04, 2014 4:14 pm

I find the fact that once you strip out the "satanic" vocals, the 2nd guy is basically crying about his girlfriend leaving him to be hilarious for some reason.

If he'd whinged it over some crappy acoustic guitar chords inste - OH FUCK WHAT JUST HAPPENED AT 5:00? - instead, he'd be a millionare.
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Mr.Doobie
Knight of the Bleach
Knight of the Bleach
Mr.Doobie

Join date : 2009-10-23
Location : under the sink

Fuck Ya'll I'm Reviewing Black Metal Empty
PostSubject: Re: Fuck Ya'll I'm Reviewing Black Metal   Fuck Ya'll I'm Reviewing Black Metal EmptySun Oct 05, 2014 11:39 am

Hot Cancer wrote:
If he'd whinged it over some crappy acoustic guitar chords inste - OH FUCK WHAT JUST HAPPENED AT 5:00? - instead, he'd be a millionare.

Oh, for sure.

DSBM has also reminded me how much I love black metal vocals though. They can be so expressive. The music is literally some dude shrieking about how sad they are and sometimes it sounds like sobbing, gagging, and sometimes even just mewling.

I mean sure it can sound pretty overwrought, considering the subject matter of some songs, but at that penchant for the overdramatic can also sound so nakedly pathetic. That's pretty powerful, imo. It reminds me of Weezer's "Pinkerton", kinda
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Mikey Go WOOGA
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
Mikey Go WOOGA

Join date : 2009-06-16
Age : 29
Location : In desperate pursuit of lulz.

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PostSubject: Re: Fuck Ya'll I'm Reviewing Black Metal   Fuck Ya'll I'm Reviewing Black Metal EmptySun Oct 05, 2014 7:38 pm

Spoonman wrote:
The music is literally some dude shrieking about how sad they are and sometimes it sounds like sobbing, gagging, and sometimes even just mewling.

. . .

Quote :
The music

Quote :
sounds like sobbing, gagging, and sometimes even just mewling.

These are two mutually exclusive things. In fact, potentially good metal subgenres can be distinguished from the entirely farcical ones in that the former might have vocals that sound like a howler monkey being violently buttfucked with a hot metal stick, while the latter requires all vocals sound like a howler monkey being violently buttfucked with a hot metal sick.

One can communicate emotions through vocals without devolving into a screeching wreck.
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TheIan
Armbiter of Good Fanfiction
Armbiter of Good Fanfiction
TheIan

Join date : 2009-06-12
Location : Dining car on the Train of Time, DenLiner

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PostSubject: Re: Fuck Ya'll I'm Reviewing Black Metal   Fuck Ya'll I'm Reviewing Black Metal EmptyMon Oct 06, 2014 6:44 am

ITT: Pathology is hilarious in that it sounds like someone's trying to eat the microphone.
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