Captive, Slave, or Prince

Welcome to the world of bad Kuroshitsuji fanfic. This one is one of those fics that make sausage of the canon and then throw away the sausage.

(Link not included because I registered today. I'll edit it in later if I can.)

Chapter 1

Quote :

Kinda ooc on the characters especially Ciel but that's fanfiction for you. Also because they're human Sebastian won't have red eyes. Hope you enjoy; much love for you all. Keva

I happen to know this unmarked author's note wasn't there from the start. I also happen to know that the author originally described Sebastian as "burly" until she was told by a reviewer that that was wrong. "Kinda" OOC is putting it far too mildly.

We open with Ciel as a slave, about to be auctioned.

Quote :

"My mother sold me for whisky saying a bottle of whisky was more manly than I could ever be or hope to be." I looked down at my lap and sighed sadly as I fingered the chains around my wrists.

It turns out Ciel's mother was right. This Ciel somehow has none of the strength of the canon Ciel. He's basically the wimpiest romance novel heroine you can imagine.

Quote :

"Learn to hate." She nodded at me knowingly. "It will keep you warm at night and make the pain more bearable."

I didn't want to hate hate made the soul die. "I don't think I can."

"You will."

The spelling and grammar in this fic are generally not terrible, but there are those run-on sentences, of which you see the first one. Of course for the canon Ciel hatred is a major motivation. Well, I suppose the Ciel in this fic could be the equivalent of the canon Ciel just after his tenth birthday at the cost of making this fic even more shota than it already is. I'm not sure shota is the correct word though. This fic is more like stealth het, with Ciel in the female role, penis or no penis.

The situation is grim and Ciel is brought to the auction stand.

Quote :

I chanced a glance around the room and shivered visibly at the sight of all the men and woman gawking at us while whistling and making promises of every depraved thing they were going to do to us once they owned us. We were being sold as whores to be used as pleasure slaves to our owners or whomever they desired us to pleasure.

The sex slave plot device is quite common in the Kuroshitsuji fandom. All the slaves are stripped bare, and Ciel is nearly crying.

Quote :

I was so lost in thought that I nearly didn't register that I had been sold before my owner could even start auctioning me. I could hear my so called owner babbling on about what a fine choice I was and how I would make a perfect slave to any man or woman. Considering he said just two days hence he'd be lucky to get a single piece of gold for the likes of me. It turns out he got more than a single piece of gold for me he managed to rake in thirty gold for little useless me.

I assume the babbling owner refers to the person who owned Ciel just a few moments ago, because otherwise the things don't make sense. Also, Ciel's mother probably made a terrible trade, but that's only an assumption since I have no idea what a gold piece is supposed to be worth in this story.

The person who bought Ciel is all hooded and cloaked so that Ciel can't see his face. Who could it be? Everyone who assumed by default that it would be Sebastian will be proved absolutely correct, but the author will spend her sweet time drawing out the "mystery".

Quote :

As I slowly lifted my head my eyes roved over the body of a black cloak that seemed to never ending the further up my eyes traveled. My odds of escaping became nil when I finally reached the head of my new owner which was also covered by the hood of his cloak. It was definitely a man that much I could tell without seeing his face or body hidden under the cloak. He was as tall as a mighty oak my head barely reached the center of his chest. Though I wasn't all that tall anyway I was barely taller than most women and there were very few men I could equal in height.

However the man in front of me made me feel like I was no taller than a newly sprung sapling at first spring and just as insignificant.

If the person who had bought Ciel was actually a Nazgûl instead of just looking like one, that might actually have been interesting, but no such luck. It's not like the canon could be defiled much worse than this story than it already gets.

Sebastian being compared to a mighty oak doesn't fit his skinny body type at all. When you combine that to Ciel being compared to a sapling, the shota level of this story reaches new and disturbing heights, even though I think Ciel isn't actually supposed to be that young. How else could he be taller than most women?

Sebastian leads Ciel out by his chained wrists.

Quote :

I was molested by every man and woman we passed and with as many people that were packed into the room each person got a good several seconds to feel what made me a man along with a few fingers that managed to violate me in the worst of ways.

Instead of walking straight to the door, Sebastian apparently walks around the room so that everyone gets to cop a feel. It turns out everyone in the room is gay/straight for Ciel, or maybe they're pedophiles, depending on how old Ciel is supposed to be in this story. If Ciel here is supposed to look like the canon Ciel, we're definitely in the pedophile territory.

Quote :

When we finally reached the doors and stepped outside into the cool evening air the stinging behind my eyes finally relented and thick heavy tears rolled down my cheeks. Maybe this was why my mother said I wasn't manly enough; men don't cry but I did.Things that tore at my soul always made me cry I couldn't help it and this time was no different. My soul was aching deeply from what has happened to me in the last week no thanks to the woman who bore me into this world.

The canon Ciel doesn't cry either. The canon Ciel also would have done something about his mother selling him and wouldn't have been such a passive victim.

Sebastian gives Ciel an oversized shirt to wear and then sets him on a horse. Ciel breaks out in cold sweat, terrified.

Quote :

When the horse took off at a steady walk heading out of town the blood drained completely from my head causing darkness to play around the edges of my eyes. It was then when I felt a powerful arm wrap around my waist and pull me back against his chest.

"Relax."

The voice in my ear was deep and soothing and so badly I wanted to obey but my fear held me stiff where I was. "I can't." I whispered and if possible tightened my grip upon the saddle when the horse jerked slightly. "I'm afraid of heights." I admitted without a shred of shame and even if shame would have hit me my fear would have sent it packing back from whence it came.

"I won't let you fall."

Here we have the first signs of the romance as Ciel continues to be so very OOC. The real Ciel doesn't like showing weakness, and we saw in the manga how his first ever attempt at horse-riding was like. He was stiff and nervous, not about to faint from terror.

Sebastian and Ciel have some dialogue and it turns out Sebastian was buying Ciel for someone else.

Quote :

I frowned deeply at that. "Why does everyone want to hate so much? What's wrong with happiness and love?"

"They're a weakness." He answered curtly.

That's our Ciel, so good and innocent even though in this story he grew up under the thumb of an unloving and (probably) alcoholic mother. The Ciel in this story has reached the point where he would be the equivalent of the (at most) nine-year-old Ciel in the canon, except that the canon Ciel had a much better childhood.

And that's it for the first chapter. The rules for this forum tell to leave stuff for others to snark, but there are currently 17 chapters, this forum has been very quiet, and this is the kind of fic where the plot is worse than the prose, so maybe I should snark some more.

Chapter 2

So here's the second chapter. Ciel and Sebastian talk, talk, and talk. Very little happens, but at least we learn Sebastian's name.

Quote :

"You may call me Sebastian."

"Sebastian?" I drew my brows deeply. "Sounds like a servant's name." I said trying not to insult. "Sebastian." I repeated thinking he didn't sound like a Sebastian.

"Just like a servants name." He nodded curtly against the side of my head. "So what should I call you? Slave?"

"No." I nearly bit out. "My name is Vincent Ciel Edward Phantomhive." I answered my spine stiffening with pride. "Everyone calls me Ciel."

"Vincent Ciel Edward Phantomhive?" He pulled me back against him to close the small space created between us when I sat up straighter. "That's a rather proper name for someone given up to be a slave."

I don't know in which universe Sebastian sounds like a servant's name, but that seems to be the case here. Ciel, on the other hand, has a long name, with additional and less fancy given names (from Ciel's canon father and canon future brother-in-law) added as if "Ciel" already wasn't fancy enough.

The title of this fanfic is Captive, Slave, or Prince. Do you think Ciel might be really a prince? That's a rhetorical question, by the way.

You know, I'm really thinking this whole thing was adapted from some other fandom, only with names the changed. This could well be an old Legolas/Aragorn fanfic, with Aragorn here calling himself Strider. On the other hand, Legolas was never a wimpy person either...

Ciel and Sebastian talk about whether Ciel will be allowed to keep his name and what it might be like to be a slave. Ciel's voice cracks in fear.

Quote :

I hung my head as tears welled up in my eyes. "Maybe I'll die tomorrow." I whispered hopefully. "Or you'll let go and I can fall to my death."

"The odds of you dying from a fall this high are very low. In fact I highly doubt you would injure yourself beyond a few scratches."

Ciel continues to be the weepy, wimpy uke and shows himself to be lacking in intelligence too. Where is the real Ciel Phantomhive? Was he replaced by his counterpart from a mirror dimension where everyone has opposite personalities?

Ciel is still terrified of the horse and panics again.

Quote :

"Maybe I should knock you unconscious." He growled as he placed both my wrists in one hand, wrapped his arm around my waist, and easily dismounted like I wasn't even the slightest hindrance to him.

When he set me on the ground my legs instantly gave out from beneath me and I would have collapsed to the ground had he still not had a hold of my wrists.

Well, at least he didn't quite faint. We have to give him that.

Quote :

"Had I not seen you bared there would be no way I would believe that you were a male." He said in disgust and let go of me causing me to crumple to the ground. "Even most women don't behave as you do."

In addition to being supremely wimpy, Ciel is also very feminine looking. This will be a plot point, a horrible plot point. Ciel does cross-dress in the canon once, but this fic will go far beyond that.

Quote :

"And do tell what exactly is it that makes a man a man? How tall he is? How deep a voice he has? How much hair he can grow upon his face?"

"No." He snorted. "What makes a man a man is his ability to stare down fear and not wither like a woman over it?" He waved a hand towards me as an example.

Even this fic would agree that the canon Ciel is manly. Too bad the author didn't include the canon Ciel. It would have totally destroyed the plot to have an intelligent and determined main character, and we can't have that.

I wonder how many people on this forum are familiar with Kuroshitsuji, but this fic has so little to do with the canon that I suppose it doesn't really matter all that much. Well, I'm bored, so here's the third chapter.

Chapter 3

In this chapter we get some action and not just talking. Ciel is tired and wants to rest, but Sebastian tells him that they are being followed.

Quote :

Well if that didn't just add to my tension a hundred fold. "Highwaymen?" I gasped and clenched the blanket to my chest my fingers locking along the joints from the constant pressure in my knuckles.

"Most likely." He sighed heavily against the side of my head. "If so they'll attack when we reach the trees."

Ciel doesn't want to go there.

Quote :

"We have no choice the road leads that way." He nodded curtly and I could have sworn I heard his teeth grind in agitation.

"Just because the road goes that way doesn't mean we HAVE to follow it." I pointed out smartly. "Let's make a new road going around the woods."

That suggestion is apparently Ciel's idea of himself being smart. I can see so many potential problems with his idea, one being that the highwaymen were following them, not waiting in the forest. I don't want to see it when Ciel is being stupid if this is him being smart.

To rub salt in the wounds, Ciel in the canon has genius-level intelligence and is very much the chessmaster type, manipulating people and events to his advantage.

So to the forest goes their path, highwaymen or no highwaymen.

Quote :

"What are you going to do then?" I pressed tighter against his chest.

"Run for it." His arm suddenly tightened around my waist nearly squeezing me to death. "Hold on."

If this was the canon Sebastian, he would have been overjoyed at a chance to slaughter some hapless humans. Instead here we have some... hapless human calling himself Sebastian. He thinks galloping at top speed and exhausting his already-tired horse (though I suppose this is the kind of world where horses are hay-powered motorbikes) is somehow the solution to the problem of being followed by highwaymen. I doubt that road through the forest has many crossroads, and I think the highwaymen should be able to read tracks.

And very definitely the highwaymen should be able to set ambushes. That should be a basic job skill. It's like everyone in this story is a complete idiot.

Quote :

I closed my eyes to fight off the terror of all that was going on around me only to suddenly snap them wide open when the wind was knocked clean out of my chest. I was dying I fell off that blasted beast just like I feared and now death was going to take me.

It's unclear what exactly happens, but somehow Ciel is hit by something and falls from his position in front of Sebastian. I'm not sure what happens to Sebastian, but I suppose he somehow stays in the saddle while letting Ciel fall. Ciel immediately assumes he's dying.

Quote :

Would people in heaven accept me as I am or would I be ridiculed for being so weak and small?

Ciel's theological musings in the middle of a road are interrupted when a highwayman arrives.

Quote :

"Well well what do we have here?"

This line seems strangely familiar.

Quote :

"A little laddie or is it lass?" He eyed me over critically with his dark eyes. "You look like a boy but," he ran the tip of his dirty boot along my exposed leg. "no boy I've ever seen had legs like those."

I tried to kick the blanket back down to cover my legs back up but all I managed to do was hike the blanket further up my body.

Ciel's feminine sex appeal strikes again, but luckily Sebastian arrives at just the right moment and stabs the highwayman in the back. Sebastian does the stabbing with a sword rather than a dinner knife, as this isn't Sebastian from the canon but someone much less cool.

Sebastian tells that he killed two other highwaymen offscreen and the rest fled, but our heroes still need to flee because the place is so dangerous.

Quote :

When the horse took off running I went from gripping his robes to wrapping my arms tightly around his waist holding on for dear life.

Naturally they're galloping again because that's the way to move even when there's no immediate pursuit.

Quote :

"We should be safe now."

"Does that mean we can finally stop?" I questioned completely exhausted from holding on for dear life.

Ciel is exhausted but the horse's state isn't even mentioned, probably because it could gallop all day.

Ciel asks what Sebastian's horse is called and they spend several paragraphs on the subject of the horse having no name. This could be a songfic: "I've been through the forest on a horse with no name..."

Quote :

He reached up, pushed his hood back off his head, and the darkest black eyes I had ever seen bored deep into my soul. "A trade."

"That's why." I whispered as I stared at him. "You don't want people to see your eyes."

He arched a brow at me that was the same black as his eyes which in turn matched the color of his hair. He was midnight, perfect dark black endless midnight.

"Do you believe I will steal your soul?" He smirked darkly at me.

"No, I slowly shook my head. "I'd give it to you freely." I whispered still staring into those oh so dark eyes.

It's true love at (belated) first sight!

You know, it would have been easy to explain Sebastian wearing that hood to hide his red eyes, but it turns out that he was hiding his normal eyes. They're, like, extra pretty or something.

Our Ciel here would be terrible at dealing with demons, especially sexy ones, so it's good for him that our Sebastian here is just a human that has little in common with the canon Sebastian

Quote :

Whatever spell had been cast upon me was broken when those beautiful black pools vanished from my sight. I wanted to keep staring into them forever to get lost in the eternal blackness he possessed.

That's not demon magic, just Ciel acting according to his role as the designated romance novel heroine. This would be a much better story if it were demon magic.

Dear Kord.... I don't even know the source material enough to get all the reasons why this fails, but jeeze. If a thousand monkeys at a thousand typewriters for a thousand years could type shakespeare, then this is a cokehead squirrel given five minutes and a speak-n-spell

I pretty much agree. BB does sound like an alright series; though the fandom creeps me out a bit with the whole Ciel/Sebastian ship, but it is sorta the premise of the series...yet I doubt a demon would want anything sexual out of humans. Usually demons see themselves as above humans in most fiction. I remember watching a few eps and was bored with the whole ditzy staff thing coming from the other help besides Sebastian.

So what you're saying is... the fic is Kuroshitsuji

As is usual with these things, the original manga is better. It and the anime end up becoming completely different stories quite fast too, because there weren't that many chapters of the manga when the anime was green-lighted. The staff aren't really as ditzy as they first appear; it's just that Kuroshitsuji is the sort of story that has a big mystery element, and the deeper layers of characterization are given the same treatment as the more conventional mysteries.

Anyway, I think I might as well snark some more. Ciel and Sebastian won't reach their destination until Chapter 9 anyway, which is when the plot really starts getting stupid.

Chapter 4

Ciel is still ogling Sebastian on that same undescribed piece of landscape.

Quote :

He caught me by the wrists and I could feel those midnight eyes boring into me making me want to see them all the more. "I am not a some statue on display for you to stare at." He growled.

"Nor do I think you are." I answered. "You're perfect."

It's like Ciel has been brain-transplanted by Bella from Twilight. This whole situation feels like Twilight, only lacking the vampire sparkles. It's true though that Sebastian is amazingly hot and sexy in the canon, not that Ciel has ever shown any sign of noticing that. If anything, the canon Ciel appears to like girls, and Sebastian only has that bishie sparkle sometimes.

Quote :

"I just want to see you." I glared at him. "I've never see anything so beautiful."

Ciel here just can't let the matter be. He's getting close to the yandere territory here. If Sebastian kept hiding his eyes, he might end up waking up to Ciel having removed one of those pretty eyeballs with a rusty spoon and being about to take the other too. Not that that would ever happen though, given how Ciel is such a wimp.

But maybe Sebastian doesn't realize what Ciel is and isn't capable of.

Quote :

Satisfied that he was going to keep his hood off so I could see him I moved to his side. "Is that all you have?" I scowled at the meager scraps of food he had piled on the rock.

Sebastian had thirty pieces of gold but somehow he doesn't have proper supplies.

And so, we now get back to the all-important topic of the horse.

Quote :

He scratched the horse's forehead and shrugged as he fed him the old apple. "I supply him with food and protection and he takes me where I need to go. He's free to leave whenever he wants."

"Would he?" I questioned as I stared at the piece of meat in my hand wondering from what animal it came from.

"That's entirely up to him." He turned to face me. "He may not know that he can leave but if one day he doesn't come back I won't go looking for him."

Sebastian has quite an unusual way of viewing his horse. I haven't talked much of the differences between Sebastian's personality in this fic and in the canon, because there has been so little common ground to even make a comparison. However, Sebastian's attitude towards his horse strikes me as so very unlike the canon Sebastian, who I think is more of a high-strung and possessive type.

Also, I think the canon Sebastian would have kept his hood down and let people admire his perfect perfection.

Then we get to the issue of the horse having no name. Paragraphs upon paragraphs are spent on this all-critical issue. Ciel suggests numerous names for Sebastian's black (how else?) horse. Athelstan? No. Horsy? No. Gabriel? No. The name that gets finally chosen is (drumroll) Shadow. Sigh. That's even worse than the earlier suggestion of Midnight.

It's getting the time to go to sleep, but there's still some more talk to have before the plot can make the minimal progression of moving to the next day.

Quote :

I sat up and locked stares with his dark eyes. "I've hardly had a chance for self pity." I hissed coldly. "Just because I'm not some powerful lumbering man like yourself it doesn't mean I'm any less of a human being."

"I never said you were only that you were less of a man." He countered cockily.

"So be it." I bit back and burrowed myself back under my blanket where I could continue to feel sorry for myself.

Ciel is such a hypocrite who can't own up to his wimpiness, but I don't know in which universe Sebastian could be described as lumbering, the canon Sebastian at least. He's a demon with superhuman dexterity, and I really mean superhuman, as in let's wow professional circus people with astonishing tricks with every single prop.

(I'm probably making the canon Sebastian sound like a total Mary Sue, but I think he's a subversion, really. He seems all perfect at first, but then you start to notice all the flaws he has. He doesn't always fare so well in fights either if his opposition is on a similar power level with him.)

It's a good thing it's apparently a warm night, as Sebastian hadn't brought camping supplies. He made a (decorative?) campfire and that was it. Ciel gets to sleep on the bare ground with nothing more than a blanket, the same blanket he had been wearing during the day. You might think that Ciel wouldn't sleep well in a situation like that, but nah. He sleeps just fine, with no uncomfortable things poking him in the back until it's morning and Sebastian poking him to wake him up.

Ciel is still afraid of getting on the horse. Sebastian says riding is not that bad.

Quote :

I pressed my face into his chest. "How do you know you can't feel what I feel."

Emo Ciel utters the worst run-on sentence in this fic so far.

Quote :

"I think," as I stared into his eyes I couldn't help myself I let the truth fall from my lips freely. "you are the most beautiful person I've ever seen. I could spend the rest of my life just staring at you, never wanting or daring to look away."

And then we get to the sappy romance again, complete with the obligatory bickering.

Quote :

I pressed my face back into his chest and scowled at myself. "I hate you." I hissed speaking of both him and myself.

"No you don't." He responded and I could hear the smirk in his voice. "I think you love me."

"What?!" I jerked back and stared up at him. "I most certainly do not! Plus you're a man and I'm not attracted to men."

Ciel is so stupid in this fic.

Next chapter: They still aren't there yet.

This is just....wrong. I always wonder what exactly is the motivating factor for writers to make AUs in which you want to ground glass with salt into your eyes, or sue them for the genocide (cellicide? Eh, whatever works) of millions of innocent brain cells that weren't bothering anybody... 

I've been a fan of Kuroshitsuji for a few years now, and this defies logic....on an epic scale! Ciel (to me) always had two modes of behavior: pissed and petulant or pissed and psychotic, whereas Sebastian...being a soul-eating DEMON, who uses a human form in order to "cinch the deal" (as it were), is refined, adaptable, and thoroughly frightening when the situation calls for it (which it has on a very few occasions).

I will, however, wait until the sporking is done (as this isn't "soup" quite yet).

I bet I could do better not having much idea of any about the source material, just going by this sporking and what not to do.

I'm pretty sure that it's about a demon Sebastian and he's subservient to this aristocrat, Ciel, and there's probably some fighting involved and it's really, really gay. I think that I could write a pretty good fanfiction with that.

For some reason I can't edit any of my earlier posts (too much time passed?) so here's the link to the first chapter:

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

And then, onto the next chapter!

Chapter 5

This is another uninteresting chapter. Ciel and Sebastian are heading to some small town to get some food because they don't have any. Both are in a bad mood. Sebastian yells at some random stable boy.

Quote :

"That was uncalled for." I bit out as I watched the boy run off in tears.

Sebastian is such a charming love interest, but at least Ciel isn't the only teary-eyed person in this fic.

Meanwhile Ciel's attempts to be a little tougher don't do him any good.

Quote :

I only had a quick moment to see his eyes flash deadly from within his hood before he hauled me up and set me back on the saddle. My fear instantly took over causing me to grip the saddle tightly and to go rigid from head to toe.

"That should keep you quiet and out of my hair."

Ciel becomes too afraid to move, so you can call Sebastian's little trick a success.

Quote :

He led the horse over to the nearest inn and left it standing outside with me atop it while he went inside. How could he just leave me on this beast like that especially knowing how terrified I was?

The problem with this scenario is that Ciel can't be safely left to himself.

Quote :

"Now what do we have here?" A deep voice to my left questioned. "Strange that a cute little lass like yourself would be sitting out here half naked for any man to see." The man ran his hand up my exposed leg.

Several paragraphs are spent on the molestation. What can Ciel do? Who can he call for help?

Quote :

"Do something." I hissed at the horse.

In response Shadow threw his head back, whinnied loudly, and stomped a hoof to the ground.

At that Sebastian returns. He is annoyed by Ciel's failure to protect himself.

Quote :

"Oh just that easy." I waved a flippant hand through the air. "Just kick him in the face, no problem."

Well, Ciel was too terrified to move...

At least they now have food to give them some more energy for bickering.

Quote :

"I do not have girl legs!" I glared up at him.

He smirked back. "No you don't. Yours are much nicer."

Sebastian finally admits that he finds Ciel attractive. Then they bicker some more. Sebastian says Ciel doesn't hate him. Ciel claims that yes, he does. It goes on and on. Ciel is behaving a little more forcefully than he used to, probably because this bickering is all talk and no action.

Quote :

"Well," he reached up, pushed his hood off, and stared down at me. "I did buy you as a pleasure slave therefore," he trailed off and smiled wickedly at me.

Ciel doesn't like that comment, but Sebastian's sexy eyes are still too sexy for Ciel.

Quote :

He had to be a product of the dark under lord sent here to consume souls just for the sheer pleasure of it.

Sometimes authors writing far-out AUs put in little metaphors like this to show that yes, they know that Sebastian is a demon in the original even if it's questionable if they know anything else about his canon self. I'm particularly confused by the dark under lord. The dark lord of the underworld (which could be used to describe Ciel in the canon)? Some lord's dark top minion? The darkness beneath a lord, possibly the Lord, as in the Christian God? None of them really fit, so you'll just need to pick one anyway.

Quote :

"I…" I started but trailed off not knowing what to say. He was too close, too warm, too consuming, and I couldn't think. "I…" I tried again but nothing would come out of my mouth. I was mesmerized with no hope of breaking free of the spell he cast upon me.

That's one way to win an argument. Sebastian should use it more when this fic gets overwhelmed by pointless chatter.

Quote :

I was melting into him, becoming a part of him to never break free from his hold and I didn't care. The tongue dancing against my own showed me who truly owned me and it was not who he was delivering me to; it was him.

Because falling in love means you can't have an independent will anymore. At least if you're the designated uke.

After the kiss Ciel goes bathing in a stream.

Quote :

From the feel of the water on my little appendage my bath was going to be down right frigid.

Ciel's little appendage his his big toe, by the way.

Quote :

It was going to take a lot of nerve to force myself into the just barely thawed from the sun of spring water.

So at least we now learn that it's an early spring... Wait, what? Wasn't it so warm earlier? I suppose in this fic a cold, wintry weather had turned into a warm, summery weather just in time for Sebastian to transport Ciel half-naked without anyone getting a frostbite or even feeling uncomfortable.

Also, that's one long modifier to pile on "water".

He lacks a proper towel, so after the bath he has to resort to a less orthodox method of drying himself.

Quote :

So in all my naked glory I grabbed my blanket and shirt and moved to stand in the afternoon sun. I could feel the rays thawing me out instantly but not near fast enough.

Time travel: When instantly isn't fast enough. The rhetorical question now is whether Sebastian will end up seeing Ciel naked, but that'll have to wait until the next chapter.

--------------------------

ViewSonic wrote:

I'm pretty sure that it's about a demon Sebastian and he's subservient to this aristocrat, Ciel, and there's probably some fighting involved and it's really, really gay. I think that I could write a pretty good fanfiction with that.

That's correct, except for the "really, really gay" part. That's more of a shipping thing. There's fanservice in the original, both gay and straight, but it's not like it's yaoi or anything like that.

Chapter 6

This chapter is the most boring one this far. It's just Ciel and Sebastian talking and talking and then talking some more. It gets really tedious. This fic has 181 reviews, by the way.

To no one's surprise, Sebastian catches Ciel naked. They talk, kiss some, and then talk some more.

Quote :

"You draw me to you." He whispered as he gently stroked my lips with the appendage and watched himself do so. "It's a pull I can no longer ignore."

For the time being it's a pull he can ignore. Spoiler: They won't get to having sex until Chapter 8.

Quote :

I grabbed his hand off my face. "But I'm not yours." I whispered with a frown then suddenly glared. "I shouldn't be anybody's possession."

"True." He agreed. "Yet that is the way of man, to be God."

Contradicting his thoughts from the last chapter, Ciel pretends he isn't Sebastian's. Ciel still doesn't understand how the cliché romance works and how a first crush = soul mates. Meanwhile, Sebastian drags an random God reference from somewhere, probably meaning to sound profound. Ciel is pretty stupid in this fic, so it actually works. Ciel nods in agreement.

Quote :

"Let me go," I nodded. "and keep me."

"If I did I would be hunted and killed."

Ciel is serious business and worth a lot of gold for Sebastian that needs it for some unknown purpose, but Ciel still doesn't realize he just maybe might be someone special.

Sebastian lives a dangerous life. That's why he carries with him a change of clothes.

Quote :

"What?!" I stared wide eyed at him. "Stabbed? What do you mean stabbed?"

"Are you simple?" He questioned suspiciously.

"Of course not!" I bit out.

Being simple is yet another thing Ciel is in denial about. Apparently that highwayman thing from Chapter 3 didn't register at all. I don't think even Finny, he of the weedkiller incident and the second weedkiller incident, showed that much obliviousness in the canon.

Ciel has a simple answer to the question why he's so weirded out by the concept of stabbing.

Quote :

I instantly wrapped my arms around him when he mounted behind me and held tight. "Why would I?" I questioned and buried my face into his chest when he spurred Shadow into a fast trot. "My life was never about drinking and women."

Ciel knows Sebastian travels a lot. Those highwaymen really, really didn't register. Ciel isn't even supposed to be comic relief here, so he really has no excuse. Ciel in the canon is perceptive and quick to learn, but we already know this fic doesn't care what Ciel is like in the canon. This fic only cares that Ciel has the looks to make a good, stereotypical uke, even if it means a full personality transplant.

Also, Ciel and/or Sebastian can apparently be quite the contortionists on horseback. Sebastian is behind Ciel but somehow Ciel can bury his face in Sebastian's chest.

They finally get offscreen to some village (undescribed), book offscreen into an inn or something (undescribed), get offscreen into a room (undesribed), and Ciel crawls onto a bed (undesribed).

Quote :

It had been a long day of riding and little to no talking.

Unfortunately, all of the talking had to be inflicted on us the readers, and now it's again the time some more pseudo-profound chatter.

Quote :

I felt him sit down on the edge of the bed behind me. "Painful pasts are always hard to forget."

"Does anyone ever forget?" I rolled over and looked up at him.

Naturally they both have dark pasts. This fic really likes angst. After aggravatingly many paragraphs Sebastian finally leaves the room.

Quote :

It took me awhile to fall asleep, I couldn't stop watching the door waiting for Sebastian to come back. This was probably my one chance to escape but I didn't want to, not from him.

Not that he could survive on his own anyway.

Then Sebastian returns to the room, smelling of alcohol, for some more of that endless talking.

Quote :

"Always on the move, hired to do jobs you don't like, fighting, living off the land." He pressed his lips to my ear. "You believe that would be easier."

"Than a sex slave?" I whispered. "Yes."

I tend to agree with Ciel here. Though Ciel, being so slow, still hasn't figured out that he won't be just a random sex slave.

Then after some more talking this chapter is finally, blessedly over.

Chapter 7

The chapter opens with kissing and pawing on the bed. Sebastian is still reluctant, but Ciel has lost all of his remaining self respect.

Quote :

"Why? Why can't I belong to you?" I stared pleadingly up at him. "I want to be with you. I love you."

Just in the last chapter Ciel was talking about not being anyone's possession, but those thoughts are gone now.

Quote :

I arched up pressing my body against his. "Make me yours for the rest of eternity."

Sex = enslavement. I thought this story functioned on romance novel logic but that sounds more like hentai logic. Though maybe romance novels are like that too. I'm not exactly an expert.

Quote :

"Get some sleep we're leaving early." He ordered with an edge to his voice and quickly left the room.

We then move forward to some undefined time in the future, perhaps in the next day, perhaps not, where Sebastian and Ciel are in the romantic bickering mode again while floating in a featureless white void for all we know. Ciel has changed his mind yet again.

Quote :

"I'll run away." I nodded. "I don't want to leave you but not belonging to someone else is more important. I have a right to live my own life."

Even a weather vane is more consistent than Ciel in this fic.

Quote :

He held me tight against his chest and buried his face into my neck. "You want me to rule you?"

"Yes." I whispered and pressed tighter against him.

See?

Quote :

"Irregardless." He growled.

Sebastian in the canon speaks very properly and doesn't use contractions. He would never, ever stoop to something like "irregardless", a "word" I can't use outside of quotation marks.

Then we skip to the future again, to some indeterminate, "long" time after they had stopped to camp. The fic doesn't tell if they are still camping or if they had stopped and moved away to another camp, but I suppose they're probably still in the first camp. There's some talk between the two whether the other one is a coward, Ciel for not running away from Sebastian and Sebastian for running away from his past. It's so symmetrical. Then the discussion moves to a very familiar subject once again.

Quote :

"Stop." I ordered determinedly. "I can no more be an escape for you than you can for me. You don't own me." I whispered quietly.

"You're right I don't." He agreed. "But you already gave me your soul so I possess the deeper part of you. Remember telling me that you wanted to belong to me, that you loved me? If that isn't handing over all or yourself to me I don't know what is. "

Now I'm just confused.

Quote :

"What's given to me I keep and I will never give it back." He purred darkly jerked the shirt off of me faster than I could blink then smashed his lips to mine in a demanding possessive kiss.

It's weird how they can never both want it at the same time. At least Sebastian is now in full bodice-ripper mode, so the romance can finally move to the next stage.

Quote :

I attempted to fight back but it was futile at best. Sebastian just had this way about him that no matter what he did to me I fell weak and submissive to him. How did he get so much control over me so easily?

It's simple. Ciel is the designated uke. Sebastian is the designated seme. This fic doesn't care about realistic gay relationships any more than it cares about the characters' canon personalities. Ciel is a very dominant person in the canon, capable of keeping a powerful demon in check, but none of that matters to the author because the canon Ciel is such a cute little shota who is shorter than Sebastian. Also, rape is love.

To no one's surprise, Ciel has to admit to being a virgin, like a good uke should. In this world being a male virgin over 13 is shameful. It's a shota world. Children in the Medieval times entered puberty years later than nowadays too... (I saw that in a later chapter Ciel's age is revealed to be 15, by the way, meaning that he has been aged up from the canon. He would be legal in Germany!)

Quote :

It wasn't like I wanted to be but the women in my village treated me like I was one of them. I knew all their secrets, who really was a virgin, who really wasn't, who was having an affair with who, and every other scandal they were or weren't involved in. Actually before my mother sold me I was pretty certain some of them were planning on dressing me up like a girl to see if they could land me a man.

Well, Ciel is the designated woman in this fic. As we all know, every homosexual couple has to have one member playing the part of the wife.

In the next chapter: Sex!

^
Oh, this should be good. I'm going to make a wild guess here and say this is going to be a no-lubricant affair, or something like saliva is going to be used? Call me a psychic.

I feel soiled by this (and that was NOT a compliment!

If you'll excuse me I'll be crying in the shower, fully dressed, trying to wash the stains of this...mockery from my soul.... 

Chapter 8

To start with we have an unmarked but not unremarkable author's note.

Quote :

Alright so I finally got around to kicking this lemon out which means I stole it from one of my other fics and altered it to fit this one. So if it looks familiar to any of you that would be why.

At least she isn't plagiarizing someone else, but it still doesn't count as really writing this fic. You'll have to be content with a second-hand scene written so vaguely that it is a few slight changes away from being heterosexual.

The story picks up where it left off.

Quote :

He picked up where he left off forcing me to arch my back sharply and moan when he nipped almost painfully upon my other nipple.

As always in these kinds of stories, both characters will share each and every kink. Sebastian and Ciel are into biting.

Quote :

I looked down the length of my body at the dark haired being between my legs then just as quickly threw my head back against when he nipped upon my inner thigh.

Referring to Sebastian as a dark being that has hair makes it sound like he isn't human. I wish...

Quote :

He slowly worked his way inward until he came to my center and trailed his tongue up my length and licked up the small bead of liquid that had built up on his tip.

It must have been the tip of his tongue. Anything else doesn't make anatomical sense.

Quote :

I felt like I was dying a slow pleasurable death. Every single pass over me made my vision blur more until I could see nothing but sparks of colors shooting around in front of my eyes.

Being fellated is awesome. Ciel doesn't even come, but he still gets to have a cool light show.

Quote :

I gasped breathlessly when I felt something cool and wet slide over the tight ring of muscles between my cheeks before that something began to press in and breech my tight ring.

This is the only part where the fic even hints that some sort of lubrication might be involved. The "something" turns out in the next paragraph to have been a finger. It's anyone's guess what substance the wetness might have been.

After a while of stretching Sebastian puts his "himself" in. Ciel's penis is referred to as "length" and "me", once each. Sebastian's penis is referred to as "himself", "him", and blank. If you interpret every "him" as "Sebastian's penis" this scene/fic gets some extra humor value, but I'm not going to go there.

Quote :

I buried my face into his neck and gritted my teeth sharply. It was horribly painful and I didn't think he could take it.

It's so nice of Ciel to worry about Sebastian at such a moment.

Quote :

Sebastian smiled at that and pressed his lips to mine sweeping me up into a devastatingly distracting kiss. It was working too for soon my mind was so focused on the tongue dancing in my mouth it took me a moment to realize that the was slowly thrusting into me.

Sebastian's penis is written as so small that the term for it takes zero letters.

Quote :

Sebastian began a steady yet slow rhythm of rocking deep into me grunting and groaning every time I would clench tightly around him and bite his neck. "You feel so damn good."

This sex scene has been thoroughly squeamish about naughty words, but now we get a "damn".

Quote :

I tilted my head back breaking the kiss, feeling close so oh so close to something so grand I would never be able to put it into proper words.

Of course it starts out horribly painful and then quickly becomes pure bliss. That's written in the yaoi handbook.

Quote :

"Give all of yourself to me." He ordered.

People nowadays consist of nothing more than orgasms, you see.

Quote :

I gripped Sebastian's shoulders tightly before I arched his back and fell blindly into my cosmic end. I felt Sebastian curl his fingers over my shoulders and with a hard jerk down followed me into the abyss of pleasure.

Best. Orgasm. Ever. You know they're meant to be together when they have good sex. Though, I suppose the heat death of the universe would really be rather boring to experience. The author must have meant that Ciel ejaculated like a supernova.

The next morning Sebastian is all slave transport business again.

Quote :

"You can eat as we ride and I still have a job to do."

That's harsh. Ciel is understandably annoyed.

Quote :

He just stood there staring at me as a red hand print began to appear on his cheek.

Ciel has been developing his tsundere side in the recent chapters. I'd call the canon Ciel more of a kuudere, but his character is quite complex really and could generate a long discussion.

Ciel then gets all thoughtful about Sebastian. Unfortunately Ciel in this fic isn't good at thinking complex thoughts, so the results leave a lot to hope for. The canon Ciel, on the other hand, is great at thinking. A good example is the Murder Arc in the manga.

Quote :

Yet that was the thing; what was he running from? Aside from the highway men from the forest no one made any other attempts on us for robbery or otherwise. So did that mean he wasn't wanted by anyone?

After the highwayman incident on the first day it has been what, two days?

Quote :

Maybe he was a sex slave and managed to gain his freedom from his owners and now he couldn't find his place.

It isn't surprising that Ciel has sex and sex slaves on his mind, but Ciel is being quite specific in his guess. It's like he thinks sex slaves are the only kind of slaves in the world and former slaves are the only kind of people in the world without a clear place

Quote :

Maybe there was someone being held captive and he was running these errands to free whoever it could be. Or maybe he was still a slave and only did as he owner commanded him to. Or maybe he was a price running from his birthright no wanting to eventually take up the eventual position of king.

Once again, the title of this fic is "Captive, Slave, or Prince". The author insists on referencing it, probably in the name of making the fic look deep and literate, regardless of how forced the reference is. In particular, Ciel has absolutely no reason to jump at the "price no wanting", I mean, the "reluctant prince" idea, yet on the meta level you just know it will be true.

The plot is moving!

Chapter 9

We open with an unmarked author's note yet again.

Quote :

For the sake of this fic from here on a few things as pertaining to Ciel's daddy.

That's a nice way to spoil the big surprise in this chapter.

Quote :

One let's pretend he's a little more manly than he looks (honestly to me he looks suspiciously a lot like Sebastian but hey that's just me).

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

^ Not manly enough for the author.

Quote :

Two he has multiple names as per the time period-ish era-ish world-ish I'm writing this (haven't exactly said what world or time period they're in).

He would be expected to have had multiple names in the canon too. We just haven't been told what they were.

And as for the world/period, we are talking about a place that has open sex slavery, tobacco sold as cigarettes, Christianity, cold winters, horse travel, etc. It's not our world, past or present.

Quote :

Three he has a deceased brother.

He may or may not have had a deceased brother in the canon. Why does the author think we need to know about Vincent's brother right here the author's note rather than learn about it by reading the story?

Quote :

Lastly he's not a... well that one will work itself out in this chapter; sorta.

Point #4 shows itself to be even more useless than point #3.

Quote :

Now for another thing. I didn't put a lemon for this chapter because I just can't do it back to back when the fic isn't some perverted, twisted, sex fiend, sex fic.

Or maybe she lacked a good scene to filch.

On to the actual story! Ciel and Sebastian see a castle on the horizon. It's their destination.

Quote :

"Why can't you just let me go?" I questioned pleadingly.

He wrapped his arm around me and buried his face into my neck. "I would if I could but if I did both our lives will be null."

Sebastian says that he's heard that the man who hired him is a decent sort. Given the above quote, it sounds like Sebastian has a low standard of decency. Ciel wants to know more.

Quote :

"I can only tell you that his first name is Vincent."

"Like my father."

Dun dun dunnn... Ciel has never met his father, but he makes the obvious (to the reader) connection anyway.

Quote :

He smiled at me as his dark eyes glowed. "As you wish." He purred then pressed his lips to mine in a searing kiss. "Just remember," he pulled back a little and stared deep into my eyes. "you'll always be mine first."

"Always." I whispered with a small nod.

The confession of eternal love done, they get to the castle and in an entirely unsurprising twist it turns out that the man who hired Sebastian is indeed Ciel's father Vincent, a presumed aristocrat of an unspecified rank, who gives Sebastian a money pouch for his efforts.

Quote :

Sebastian gave a small bow of his head then placed his hand on my shoulder. "Best of luck to you Master Ciel."

I shook my head. "No you can't leave me here."

"This is where you belong with your father."

Ciel has already reached the point where he's unable to face a life without Sebastian, but it looks like Ciel will just have to deal with it.

Quote :

I spun around to stare at him. "I had no choice you let me continue to think I was a slave and you were just transporting me." My chest ached knowing Sebastian was going to leave me here alone with these people and I would most likely never see him again.

"True but this is your place now best of luck to you Master Ciel may your future be long and fruitful." He gave me a small bow of his head before he trotted off leaving me behind.

Sad partings bring out the worst of run-on sentences. Sebastian leaves and Ciel is left alone with his father.

Quote :

"Vincent Edward William Alistair Phantomhive." He smiled over his shoulder at me. "But you can call me Malcolm until you're more comfortable with me and able to call me father."

Malcolm?

By the way, Edward is the name of Vincent's nephew, Alistair (though he doesn't actually get called that) is the first name of a minor villain, and William is the name of a recurring side character who Vincent in all likelihood never knew existed. Malcolm is the name of absolutely no one in the canon.

Quote :

Well that confirmed he was my father if the fact that I looked like him didn't already. The only difference I could see between the two of us was that he was the manly version of myself. He was taller, more broad, more muscled, and his voice was much deeper than my own.

Maybe my mother was right; I should have been a girl.

The author seems to taken to heart every single uke/seme stereotype. Someone should tell her that the real world doesn't work that way. She even had to change Vincent to fit her beefcake ideals, at least in the words she uses to describe him, as if the original version was too weak and feminine to be the head of a noble family and such. I'm being redundant though, as the author clearly thinks weak and feminine are synonyms.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

^ Not manly enough for the author.

Quote :

"Ciel was your uncle's name." He stopped in front of a thick door and turned to face me. "I intended on giving you my name proper but the day you were born your uncle was killed by mercenaries and it was only fitting that you took his name."

That is the only mention of Vincent's brother in the chapter proper. Well, at least we got an explanation for why Ciel isn't called Junior, as if that was a worthwhile mystery people cared about.

The chapter ends with Ciel being measured for new clothes naked and getting a bath naked. But do not fear, the plot complications are by no means over. We are only now entering the really stupid part.

Chapter 9

Long time no post. This chapter is where we finally get to the real reason I referred to Ciel as a damsel in distress. Here the plot really gets stupid.

It's time for Ciel to get to sleep. He gets to angsting in bed.

Quote :

All I could manage to think about was Sebastian and how he could just leave me here like he did.

It's so painful! Ciel angst about whether Sebastian ever cared about him at all.

Quote :

The pain seared through my chest making me feel like I couldn't breathe causing me to gasp deeply.

In a surprise twist, it looks like the author learned that Ciel has asthma in the canon. It looks like this Ciel has never had asthma before though, even when the circumstances would have been much more amenable for it with all that cold and stress a while ago, so it's probably evil magic. The previous sentence wasn't snark, by the way.

Ciel determines to escape the castle to search for Sebastian. It won't be that easy, as the only sons of important nobles are prisoners with no rights in this fic.

On the next morning Ciel gets to see his aunt, Angelina Durless a.k.a. Madam Red. She is evil in this fic. Sure, she did bad things in the canon too, but then, a lot of people in the canon are more or less evil and even many of the nicer characters kill people without remorse, and she genuinely loved and cared about Ciel. Madam Red in this fic is just a villain without any of her canonical depth. She has a nasty surprise for Ciel.

Quote :

"So," she clapped her hands together. "how soon until the wedding can take place?"

"I'd say by month's end." My father answered with a shrug and another light squeeze to my shoulder before letting me go. "I've already sent word this morning and the invitations will go out tomorrow."

"Wedding?" I questioned as I looked between the two.

Ciel having been engaged from childhood isn't actually a departure from the canon, though in the Victorian England he would have been able to refuse to follow through. Unfortunately for Ciel, in this world such a thing isn't allowed. There is also worse to come...

Ciel is given to Madam Red for "training". She takes him to a room with some maids.

Quote :

Angelina grinned at them. "It's time." She nodded and turned to face me fully.

"But Madame this is a boy and your nephew." She pointed out with brows drawn deeply. "I thought you were talking about a young lady."

"No and a boy he may be," she nodded, moved to stand behind me, and ripped off my shirt. "but look those hips those are a woman's hips if I ever saw them." She snorted then jerked my pants down. "And just look at those legs those are not the legs of a man. He's a woman and from this day forth that is what he'll be."

The long-awaited true horror of this story finally comes forth.

Quote :

She grabbed me by the hair jerking it roughly and leaned down so we were nose to nose. "You are whatever I say you are and your father agrees." She growled deadly. "You honestly think your father was looking for you because he wanted his son back? No," she snorted and released her hold upon me. "he was looking for you for a reason and in one month's time that reason will be made clear." She turned and made to exit the room. "Now if you can't behave I will be forced to take a switch to your little bottom so be a good girl and do as you are told."

She is so very OOC here. You'd think she'd be a little nicer to her beloved nephew, well, a nephew that she loved in the canon. The canonical interactions of the two are nothing like this.

Ciel is on the verge of tears yet again, and yet again, the story only gets mired deeper into stupidity.

Quote :

"Husband?" I gasped.

"Oh Nelly don't be absurd." The third woman elbowed her away with a weary glance at the old woman still within ear shot. "And look you're frightening her." She pulled me closer to the window and grabbed her tape measure. "Don't mind Nelly Mistress Ciel she's just a gossip and a story teller."

"I am not!" Nelly hissed. "I'm only telling her what Lord Vincent told me yesterday."

Then Ciel gets measured for new clothes even though that just happened in the last chapter.

Quote :

"In one month's time you will be wedded to increase your father's lands." Nelly continued on. "Your future husband knows you are a boy by birth and only agreed to the deal if you were made to look like a girl. This has been planned for a long time."

"He prefers the company of men but he's always wanted a little boy that looks, acts, sounds, and behaves like a girl." The woman in front of me whispered with a side glance at the elderly sewing maid on the other side of the room. "If you don't escape here the rest of your life will be spent playing as Lord Aleister Chamber of the North's wife."

Ciel's future husband is a recurring minor villain in the canon. His actual title is the Viscount of Druitt, but that's not bland enough for this fic. I'll be calling him Druitt anyway, as that's what everyone calls him outside of this fic, save for those people who call him the Viscount. I'll talk more about him when/if we get far enough to actually meet him.

Also, the shota level of the story went up again.

Quote :

"How?" I whispered wide eyed. "How can I get out of here?"

She shook her head at me. "I don't know. You'll have to find your way out on your own." She sighed sadly. "Anyone caught helping you will probably be tortured and executed so you'll be on your own."

Again, Sebastian called Vincent a good man. People just don't have any human rights in this story.

I'm always pissed off when slave stories have the slave answering back and being super-bold and then not getting punished even in the tiniest bit by their new master.

Or falling in love without first being brainwashed good and hard.

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

I'm always pissed off when slave stories have the slave answering back and being super-bold and then not getting punished even in the tiniest bit by their new master.

Or falling in love without first being brainwashed good and hard.

Well, Sebastian here was technically just transporting Ciel...

Self-advertisement: By the way, I just today found a fic with a description of slavery that doesn't trigger your stated piss-off conditions (EDIT: err... actually it does, I now notice) but which I'm quite sure you will hate anyway. I'm going to post a sporking of that fic here, possibly even today, as the fic is really quite terrible. (The slavery stuff is limited to the first chapter though.) I think that fic will make Captive, Slave, or Prince seem in comparison like a realistic story with a good plot...

Slave stories are really on the up and up right now. It's like having a rape story but with more beatings and less sex!

*reads Nerd's signature and chokes. I can't HELP it... somebody really wrote that?!*

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

*reads Nerd's signature and chokes. I can't HELP it... somebody really wrote that?!*

It's from "Origin of My Nightmares", another Kuroshitsuji fanfic. I'm currently in the process of snarking it in another thread.