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 This Fanfiction Will Self Destruct

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ViewSonic
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PostSubject: This Fanfiction Will Self Destruct   Wed Jun 12, 2013 11:39 am

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This is not Naruto fanfiction.

This is not Naruto fanfiction.

It doesn't even try.


Quote :
Iruka decides to mate his pet kitten, Naruto, when he goes into heat. This leads him to meet Kakashi, owner of Sasuke the kitten, and sparks fly. However, the pets are not the only ones who find their soulmates... SasuNaru, KakaIru.

What a summary. I can't believe this thing got readers at all. Hell, from the title I thought that it would be a Naruto/James Bond crossover. For shame.


By the way, this story contains my biggest pet peeve for any fanfiction, anywhere:

This story has nothing to do with the series that it is a fanfiction of.

Sure, they may have the names of certain characters, maybe even similar relationships, but that's it. These characters could not recognize their canon selves if they were viewed through the Hubble Telescope.

Quote :
Naruto was a new breed of pet that was immensely popular lately; the so-called humanoid animals. They had human intelligence as well as sweet demeanor of a household pets; they were capable of speech, thought, and human emotions.


You know, there's a word for when something that is for all intents and purposes a human with fur is kept as property and not allowed basic human rights. Is it...ownership? Possession? It's right on the tip of my tongue.

Naruto is not the sharpest sandwitch in the picnic in canon, but here he seems borderline retarded. It doesn't help that he speaks in this awful on-and-off baby talk. Naruto is an idiot, but is mostly capable of pronouncing his name.

Quote :
Nyaryuho






I think that speaks for itself, really.




Uh oh! Naruto isn't feeling well! It's off to the, oh my Jesus,

Quote :
Welcome to the Icha Icha Love Love Pet Breeding Agency!







Kill me.

Quote :
Tsunade used this opportunity to pull apart Naruto's legs and show Iruka the swollen reproductive organ and wet anus of his pet, and Naruto started to fuss when he felt cold air against his shameful place







So, his wet anus tells Dr. Tsunade that he needs to get fucked immediately. But boy, who could do that for him?

Quote :
Suddenly a cat who was only quietly watching everything that was happening with his arms crossed over his chest stalked up to Naruto. He stared at Naruto, who stared back at him. Then he grabbed Naruto's shoulders and kissed him.








It's Rock Lee!
No, just kidding, of fucking course it's Sasuke.

We get some lovely descriptions of the pants-on-head retarded breeding system. The author should have read the Esnarutos Amateuris.

Quote :
Naruto pouted as Sasuke finished pulling all of his clothes off, and then Sasuke proceeded to strip, too. As soon as their clothing were revealed, a thick, sweet scent of arousal could be clearly distinguished. Naruto smelled of light cream and honey and a trace of something flowery that couldn't quite be named. Sasuke smelled of heavier, muskier scent, something like a lilac yet much stronger and thicker. The pheromone they gave off to indicate that they were in heat made their partner more aroused. They carefully sniffed each other and purred in approval, entangling their tail together and rubbing their cheek together. Sasuke tucked the little one's body under his belly again and eased Naruto's legs apart, mounting him as they got ready to mate.







"and then Sasuke proceeded to strip, too", eh? Is he going to look at the clock and call out the time, next?

That's just about chapter three! I am trying to be brief, though. What do you think? Should I continue? I would have some choice words to say about the raccoon Gaara and the frog Lee fucking, definitely.

I would like to point out that the chapters and stuff are longer than this, but I like to keep it brief because the really good bits are buried in this sort of beige prose.

Concrit is nice. Flames are okay, too! Please, just comment. Anything. I am so lonely.
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EileenK98
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PostSubject: Re: This Fanfiction Will Self Destruct   Wed Jun 12, 2013 2:12 pm

Quote :
 Let's see if any of the boys like him."
"Wha, what do you mean by boys!" Iruka snapped, holding Naruto tightly against his arm. "Just because he's in heat, I won't let him get raped by another boy!"
"Don't be silly, all pets are hermaphrodites."
"Haa!"
"They can all impregnate or get pregnant each other is what I'm saying. Didn't your breeder explain to you when you bought him?"

This is not good. *facepalm*
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Kakashifan727
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PostSubject: Re: This Fanfiction Will Self Destruct   Wed Jun 12, 2013 4:43 pm

Aw, god. Someone else tried this here, but never finished. I hope you can do this POS justice. Really surprised you didn't add the line above though; it's just...mind warping. Plus, motherfuckin' KaKaIru. NarSas ain't so bad, in its well done form, but I can't stand the former. They never interacted even once, how does this equal relationship. Plus, Kakashi's too good for that fodder Chunin, and I don't care if he used to be important in Part one, he's all but irrelevant now and I don't mean power level wise. Another thing that irks me about the fandom.

AGH...just got worse when I read it at Ff.net; people actually adore this pile of garbage? I can't....my brain...I CAN'T.
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PostSubject: Re: This Fanfiction Will Self Destruct   Wed Jun 12, 2013 6:15 pm

EileenK98 wrote:
Quote :
 Let's see if any of the boys like him."
"Wha, what do you mean by boys!" Iruka snapped, holding Naruto tightly against his arm. "Just because he's in heat, I won't let him get raped by another boy!"
"Don't be silly, all pets are hermaphrodites."
"Haa!"
"They can all impregnate or get pregnant each other is what I'm saying. Didn't your breeder explain to you when you bought him?"



This is not good. *facepalm*

Wow, I am legitimately pleased that you hate this story. I have finally found something worth sporking!

Continuation will probably commense tomorrow.
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PostSubject: Re: This Fanfiction Will Self Destruct   Thu Jun 13, 2013 8:44 am

There's another fic called "For Your Eyes Only" that's for Twillight, but it's probably just "average" bad and not "why does god allow these things to be written" bad. We shall carry on here, chapter four, Naruto the hermaphrodite is having kittens.

Quote :
"Kittens?" Kakashi heard sharp interest in Sasuke's voice and grinned. He could picture Sasuke curled into a defensive curl in the corner of the tiny space between the closet and the wall, his tail taut and twitching nervously. "My mate-- he's going to have kittens?"




Quote :
"We don't know yet; we need to check if any of your seeds managed to take root. Naruto didn't carry any kittens when you two were finished mating, but since your sperm will remain alive for at least two to three days in Naruto's body, we were all going to go together this Wednesday to Tsunade-sensei. But since you're too upset to do anything except hiding behind the closet and scratching me--"





.
..
...
Seed take root.

As you might have noticed, these Dr. Moreau monstrosities require plot holes big enough to fit Draco Malfoy's 42-inch penis through just to reproduce. The improbability of all this is not the author's concern though. We have cute moments to write.

Quote :
Kakashi nearly fell over as Sasuke scampered out into the livingroom, where he immediately started to groom himself. After Sasuke finished dusting and licking himself, he ran over to the food bowl and started to eat as if someone was chasing him. At times Kakashi became worried that Sasuke would choke on the food and he mildly suggested that Sasuke would drink some water and eat more slowly, but Sasuke, being the obedient good pet he was, pointedly ignored him.





This cute moment is as funny as the Holocaust. Also, let's take a look at the strange chapter names:

"If Cats Can Talk"
"What Would They Say"
"Fish Bones Are Just Too Hard!"
"Don't Compare My Tail With Others"
"Because You'd Hurt My Feelings"

This is stupid as all hell. I feel like if cats could talk, we'd already be living in a world ruled by them. Also, If Cats CAN Talk, What WOULD They Say is just outright incorrect.

Here IS some more words.

Quote :
 
"Naruto didn't complain about tenderness of his breast, or anything like that?"
"B, breast?;;"
"I guess not." Kakashi smiled and gestured towards Naruto, who trotted over to him.Sasuke followed sullenly, glaring at Kakashi. "Let's get the little one checked, anyway. If he is indeed littering, it's important for him to eat proper diet starting from early stages of the pregnancy."



The semicolons are not mine, by the way. They are just there in the story.

Quote :
 In front of his smiling female Sasuke couldn't mention that he hated sweets and that he would never eat crape if it was up to him.Kakashi's shoulders shook from trying to hold in his laughter as Sasuke's tail limped helplessly.Sasuke forced himself to smile as he meekly said, "Um, strawberry?"
"And strawberry, please! And, and, vanilla and chocolate!"
Naruto started to count out coins in his wallet.Sasuke felt sweat running down his back. "Naruto, I'll pay for--"
"No, Naryuho will treat Shashuke today, because Shashuke is sad," Naruto said."Crape from here is really, really yummy, you know!"
"Ahahaha... Thank you.;;"
Kakashi thought, amused, that the small crape stand wouldn't accept credit cards anyway. Because Sasuke was a rare Uchiha blood, and a very handsome cat at that, too, he often decorated covers of pet magazines, and he had even appeared in television quite a few times.Kakashi opened a bank account and made a credit card for Sasuke so that he could use the money he had earned.Sasuke had quite a saving earned, since he rarely spend his money, and Kakashi provided him with food, shelter, clothing, and whatever else Sasuke would demand.



Well, now I'm confused about the petting zoo reject's role in society. He's allowed to own property such as money, but he himself is owned by another person? What the flying fuck? The author's Ku Klux Kats agenda is falling apart at the seams.

Did I mention that Naruto is wearing a dress? He is. Here is how I learned this:

Quote :
 "Whatever you say, Naruto," Sasuke said, affectionately nuzzling against Naruto's soft, pink cheeks.He kissed Naruto's lips and eased his tongue between the velvety lips of his mate.Naruto seemed surprised and he stiffened, but when Sasuke purred reassuringly, Naruto purred in return and let Sasuke's tongue dart amongst his small, sharp teeth.Sasuke felt the warmth of Naruto's tongue around his own and he aggressively pursued the tongue, then swept across Naruto's canines before he pulled away.Naruto was panting a little, looking out of breath.Sasuke licked Naruto's lips and Naruto stuck his little pink tongue out.The kittens licked at each other's tongue, the slick warm muscles briefly entangling and nudging against each other.Then Sasuke leaned down and pushed his head between Naruto's legs, underneath his dress.


Quote :

"Sha, Shashuke?" Naruto's breathless voice inquired."Naryuho doesn't feel funny today. And if Shashuke does that, my waist hurts a lot, and milk keeps coming out, so Naryuho's panties gets all wet."



AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! :-( ;;

Quote :
 The uncut version, as usual, is up at my website. Sasukitty is a pervert! XD;;


Quote :

It is actually my site and my birthday today. Because of that I'm holding a special event, in which I randomly select three people to send hand-made keychain and bookmark... thingie, that is based on this fan fiction. (The bookmark has picture of Naruto in white dress that I was talking about above. XD;Wink If you'd like a chance to enter(entries are due by this Friday) please visit my website and read the details there. Thank you so much for all your support, reviews, attention, and gifts that you have rained down on me thus far. I'm always very thankful for all the love and friendship that you guys give me, and I'll do my best to make this story fuwafuwa ichaicha story that won't fail your expectations! (laughs)



AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Quote :
- To Be Continued -




AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH CHAPTER FOUR OF EIGHTEEEEEEEENNNNN


DAMN IT STORY, YOU'VE TURNED ME INTO ASH FROM THE CORI FALLS STORIES


POST CONCRIT, FLAMES, OR WHAT THE HELL EVER. I AM JUST PISSED AT THIS STORY.


I NEED TO BUY A BETTER KEYBOARD. THE CAPS LOCK KEY STICKS ON THIS ONE.
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PostSubject: Re: This Fanfiction Will Self Destruct   Thu Jun 13, 2013 2:41 pm

....Wow, this is...pretty bad. But the thingy that bothers me most is...when did Naruto get a lisp?

What the hell?
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Kakashifan727
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PostSubject: Re: This Fanfiction Will Self Destruct   Thu Jun 13, 2013 8:39 pm

It's not a lisp; he talking baby talk, or so we're supposed to believe, even though he's 16 yrs old.
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PostSubject: Re: This Fanfiction Will Self Destruct   Fri Jun 14, 2013 5:28 am

Breaking news update for chapter five: I just noticed this, and now I am mad as hell. Here are two separate lines from Naruto in this chapter:

Quote :
"If you won't get along with Iruka"


"if you bite Iryuka I'm going to be really mad"


What the fuck, author?


Quote :
Iruka grimaced.
Quote :

"Do you need condoms?"
"No." Sasuke helpfully started to add, "Naruto likes it when my milk fills his.."

 I don't even know what this is, anymore. I can't even see the point of writing this. Why not just write a story about "Nathan" and "Shane" being these weird cat monsters and save me the expense of screwing around with this dumb, dumb story?

Quote :
  Then suddenly the paw slipped and the whole outer paw came off, exposing human-like hands underneath. Naruto dumbly stared at the five digits before he burst into tears.
Quote :

"Naruto! What's wrong?"
"My paw came off!" Naruto cried, showing Sasuke his hand. Sasuke licked Naruto's hand and then kissed his palm.
"Don't worry, Naruto. See? My paw comes off, too."
Sasuke sat up and pulled off the paw-shaped gloves, showing Naruto his well-shaped, long fingers.
"You know how you were covered with fur when you were born? We slowly shed our fur as we grow older. Our paws are the last bits to come off; it means now you're an adult." Sasuke nuzzled Naruto and Naruto stopped sniffling to look at his hands. "But that's strange, usually paws come right off after you lose your virginity... Mine came off right after I went home after we mated."

Charles Darwin is rolling over in his grave right now. Let us say that these are genetically modified pets and they don't live in the wild normally for now...why? Why would that even happen? What am I reading?

Quote :
 "No no, Naruto, don't run away," Sasuke murmured, taking hold of Naruto's head and bringing it back against his male. "Naruto likes milk, doesn't he? If you're good, I'll give you milk."
Quote :

"Is it yummy?" Naruto asked, giving a suspicious look to the stiff rod. Sasuke chuckled and pressed himself against Naruto's lips.
"You'll see. Try sucking it and if you do a good job, you'll get your milk."

Who calls a cock a male? And this story's stupid bullshit is starting to annoy me. I know there's some even worse stuff in here that I specifically want to get to before I call it quits, but I fear I may have missed it, or something, and that aggravates me.

Quote :
I am convinced that Naruto is a girl so don't tell me otherwise


scratch Okay author. Okay. Chapter five is alive, chapter six...eeehhhh...Sasuke gets in a...fight?

Quote :
 Naruto rolled his eyes and tugged at Sasuke's shirt. "Come on, Shashuke, it's not worth your time... I can't have babies right now anyway."
Quote :

"But you can still mate." Sasuke turned back to Sai and started to hiss again. Sai only smirked and stared at him. All of a sudden the two male cats jumped at each other, yowling and hissing and growling. They bit and scratched and kicked at each other. Sasuke's sharp teeth tore away tip of Sai's ear, but Sai gave him a big kick in the stomach, which made Sasuke lose his breath. Coughing he kneeled over and Sai got on top of him, biting his neck. He aimed for his throat but Sasuke pulled away and flipped over, tossing Sai to the ground. A well-aimed kick made Sai crumple to the ground, but he also kicked Sasuke's leg, making him fall down. Sasuke was stronger, but Sai was more experienced. Sai only went for the lethal spots. Once again he aimed his teeth over Sasuke's soft, exposed throat. He suddenly howled.
Naruto had scampered out and bit Sai's tail as hard as he could, ripping a tuft of fur out. Sai hissed and started to get up, only to get knocked over by a hit on the side of his head by Sasuke's paw. Sasuke's teeth clutched at Sai's throat and the sharp canines started to draw blood. Sai struggled and kicked Sasuke away, then hissed at Sasuke reproachfully before he turned tail and jumped off the veranda into the surrounding rooftop.
"Next time, when there is no one to help you... You won't be so fortunate, pee-wee."

I think maybe I should skip chapter six.

Chapter seven!

Quote :
Gai was in charge of exercise and fitness program for the pets to keep them at top condition; Kakashi trained and groomed the pets for shows. Gai was always fired up over "winning" against Kakashi as the better breeder, but Kakashi ignored him. How could they win against each other when their field of expertise was different?


I must admit, I took a Naruto crash course just before this, so I only know the basics, but...I've kind of forgotten who Gai is. Not that it would matter, considering that I am pretty sure "pet exerciser" is a far cry from what the hell he actually does.

Here, take a look at this line:

Quote :
 "Why? He's not obese! A little belly fat never does anyone harm!"
Quote :

"You moron!" Kakashi finally snapped. "Don't you remember, your pet had been mated! I think he's pregnant, and if he is, he's in deep shit because his mate was a mammal and frogs aren't made to carry babies in their stomach!"
Gai paled.
"Impossible. We separated them before they finished."
"You do realize that Gaara had been sneaking behind your back and had been fucking your precious little frog whenever he had the chance."
"Noooo! Leeeeee!" Gai wailed as he took Lee from Kakashi and ran at full speed towards Tsunade's office. Kakashi sighed and followed after him.

The stuff of legends right there. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!", "No John. You are the demons." "and he held out...SOME JEW!" and...this.

Quote :
There is only 50 chance that you will live through the operation if you won't kill the eggs.


I am so bored. I just know it's going to happen. I just know it. Just get to Sakura.


Let's talk about Sakura's part in this story. She's a bunny or something, and I couldn't get a real grasp on her character. Here she is reintroduced, momentarily. If you know Sakura in NaruSasu stories, you understand how this works...but it's taken to the next strange level here.

Quote :
 Surprised Kakashi paused from heading to the dog section, and headed towards the hallway where he heard the commotion coming from instead. When he had arrived at the scene, breathing a bit quickly because he had been running, he was greeted with a gruesome sight of pieces of what must have been a pet rolling across the room. The floor was smeared with blood and pieces of flesh and organs, and the more sensitive pets threw up or fainted, while others cried and ran away or stood watching, rooted to the spot as if paralyzed. Sasuke was in the middle of it, covered with blood, his eyes also the color of blood in his excitement. Neji was standing a little away from his cousin, shaking his head in dismay.
Quote :

"Now look what you've done, Uchiha..."
"Sasuke, what in hell's name have you done?" Kakashi asked, his voice tight and worried. Sasuke wiped his blood-soaked hands on his pants, then shrugged.
"She was trying to rub her cunt against me, even though I told her if she doesn't stop I'll rip her from limb to limb... And then she rubbed her breasts against me, so I got really mad because the only one who's allowed to make sexual advances on me is Naruto, and when she kissed and licked my neck I killed her."
"Who?"
"The pink rabbit... You know, the one who's ugly as sin."
"You killed Sakura?" Kakashi moaned and forlornly looked at cooling bits and pieces that used to be the bunny slut. "Sasuke... She's the one that all dominants mated with when they didn't have a partner and they were in heat; some males don't automatically cool off or can be controlled by pills and stimulating toys, you know... Most females only let their mate fuck them. Now where are we going to find another submissive that will let any dominant mount them? You knew she was always like that and you had to go and kill her..."
"Naruto's going to kill me when he smells that slut on me," Sasuke complained, sniffing his hands, then trying to sniff his neck. "I asked you to keep her away from me, and you didn't. What else could I have done?"
"You didn't have to kill her. And so messily, too," Kakashi grouched as he started to clean up the carcass. He found a mush of brains and hair and assumed that Sasuke had ripped her head off and stomped on it until it became a sickening mess of blood and brain and hair. He shook his head. Uchiha had tendency to become violent; Sasuke's brother had also massacred all of his clan during a cat show with exception of Sasuke... No one figured out why he had done so and ran away, but the trauma of it seemed to make Sasuke weary of contact with other pets and even when he was in his first heat he kept to himself, quiet and aloof, until Naruto was introduced. Kakashi was very glad that Sasuke met Naruto.
Sasuke started to wander away but Kakashi sternly said, "You're not going anywhere until you take a bath. You're going to drip blood all over the place, and did you forget? You have a shooting session later today."

What is the list of offenses that this story has perpetrated?

A. Humanoid pets kept as slaves.

B. The worlds weirdest breeding system that I still don't understand fully.

C. Strange pairings, including a raccoon and a frog having non-horribly mutated children.

D. Sakura bashing out of nowhere, including her owners being more upset about the mess than the violent and senseless death of a creature which they own.

E. Characters being completely unlike they are in Naruto.

F. The setting also being completely unlike anything in Naruto.

G. Disgusting anthro sex.

And there's more to come. Oh so much more to come.

Quote :
 "Shashuke, don't you want to see me? Didn't you miss me?" The poor little kitten sobbed, quite distressed. "Why are you running away from Nyaryuho? Did Nyaryuho do something bad? Shashuke... Nyuu--"
Quote :

"Naruto, it's not you! I swear it's not you, so don't cry! See, I just came back from working and I'm sweaty and I smell terrible, so can you come back another night? Like, maybe next week? Stop crying!"
"But Shashuke--"
"What is wrong with you?" Iruka fumed, pulling Sasuke out of Kakashi's head. Sasuke tried to hang onto his head with his claws, and few strands of Kakashi's hair tangled in his paws. But unheeding the poor man's pained yelp Iruka ripped him out and put him on the ground. "Naruto was looking forward to seeing you all day, and this is how you treat him! You should be ashamed of yourself, you..."
"Shashuke you cheating lying perverted stupid octopus ADULTERER!"
Iruka didn't get to finish his scolding because crying Naruto slammed Sasuke with his paw as hard as he could. Then he kicked him and beat him with his tiny paws and scratched and bit him, bawling at top of his lungs.
"How could you! How could you! How could you mate with another female when you did naughty owie things to me and said I can never do it with someone else, you liar!"
"Naruto, wait, I can explain! Ow! Naruto!"
"What have you done! Sasuke, did you have sex with someone else!"
"Iruka-san, Naruto, I can explain, wait..."
"You're in cahoots with this, too, Kakashi-san! I'm so disappointed in you!"
What ensued was a total, beautiful, complete chaos, and Naruto ended up running away, crying his eyes out. Iruka gave a very, very dirty look to both Kakashi and Sasuke as he followed his sobbing kitten, muttering something about men all being the same. A ruffled and very thoroughly beaten Sasuke and Kakashi remained in the parking lot in front of their apartment, mutely staring at the retreating backs of Iruka and Naruto.
Then Kakashi wailed, "Sasuke you moron! Because of you Iruka-sensei's mad at meeee--"

No, hold on, this is too stupid to pass up.

H. Forced conflict. Uberforced conflict.

Quote :
I'm too lazy to post the chapters again at OTL (hey;;;Wink Sorry I took so long to upload this. After I uploaded it at my website, somehow I didn't feel much desire to upload it again at so;;;;;; (Because I'm a lazy being like that... TvT;;;;;Wink


The semicolons are getting worse now. I shudder to think what her website looks like. Anyways, chapter eight.

Quote :
Iruka clenched the envelope so tightly that it started to rip in his hands. This wasn't very different from prostitution. Iruka had sold his kitten so that that scum of a male cat could have his way with him, let him plant his seeds inside of him. And when Naruto had failed to litter this year—but so what? Most virgin females didn't produce in their first year of mating, did they?--they had promptly moved on, sent money for their troubles, and now wanted nothing to do with them any longer. Then how about how Kakashi had hit on him, flirted with him? Was that some kind of game for him? Did both Kakashi and Sasuke pretend to seek out their hearts, when all they were after was—what were they after? In Sasuke's case, it was obviously a litter of kittens carrying the Uchiha blood. But what about Kakashi? Was he getting a sick pleasure out of toying with his heart?


Now I'm even more confused about these pets and how they work. They can't own property, their murders don't matter, they are SPECIFICALLY BEING BREEDED LIKE DOGS, and yet when Kakashi does what he specifically said he would do even after Iruka refused to hear his side of the story, Narusegawa-style, he is angry? What the hell, author?

Quote :
Sasuke's eyes cracked open. He stared at Naruto. His black eyes widened and with an involuntarily whimper he backed away from Naruto, backing further into the corner.
I hate you.
Blood, so much blood. Everyone dead. His brother, his beautiful, kind, gentle brother... Why was he coated with blood? Why was he smiling at him like that?
Never appear in front of me again.
Mama's head was pulled away from her neck, rolling on the floor behind his brother. Papa's chest had opened to show his no longer beating heart. Everywhere there were corpses, smell of death, putrid odor of freshly cut bodies. Uncles, aunts, cousins. Everyone dead, everyone cold, except his living brother, his brother who was laughing hysterically...
I no longer want you. 
Dude, when you are making a fluffy bullshit anthro shit awful bad waffy romance, don't go adding bullshit anthro shit awful bad drama like this. Apparently Sasuke has PTSD after his brother killed his whole clan, which is understandable. 

Okay, we're getting close to the part I am going to end at. I did feel sick when this came up, though:

Quote :
Gaara stalked into the room and stared at the prone figure on the bed. There was an unpleasant scent surrounding him—not only the antiseptics and drugs, but also the new smell that was getting on his nerves. For few days the frog had been smelling strange, and he was slow, both in movement and in response to his touches. The frog had given up struggling against him and he now lay limply as Gaara violated him, his head turned to the side so that Gaara did not have to stare at his tears. Gaara didn't open his eyes anyway. He imagined it was that wonderful, wonderful female kitten he had fallen in love at the first sight, only to have him taken away by that bastard Uchiha. He softly said to himself the kitten's name over and over again, the word like honey against his tongue: Naruto. That was the name he grunted as he came inside the frog, whatever his name was. The frog was only his object of lust; something he fucked when he needed a lay, but nothing more. The frog cried when he lost his virginity. The frog cried when Gaara called out Naruto's name as he came. The frog cried after he was done, his legs covered with semen, his body curled up into a ball-like shape as he tried to crawl away. This would only infuriate Gaara and he would fuck him again just for a good measure.
Quote :

While the frog didn't like getting raped, his body seemed to have grown used to it. He would respond quickly and harshly, his body arching back, his throat softly emitting whimpering sounds that fueled the dominant male's lust and made him hurt him more. But recently he didn't respond much to Gaara's touches, and his stomach was bloating up so that it was difficult for Gaara to climb on top of him. His body didn't get excited quickly enough and he rarely orgasmed now, only lying limply after Gaara was done, then slowly crawling away. It irritated Gaara to no end. It didn't help with his fantasy about screwing Naruto if his partner didn't emit any sounds at all.
And now the frog had disappeared off the face of this earth for few days, and when he finally found him he found that the frog was sleeping. He looked small, vulnerable. But his hands were fiercely wrapped around his tummy, determined feature engraved into his otherwise gentle face, and Gaara felt a strange sensation. Something stirred in him, cried out to him that he must protect this female, he must take care of his children inside the female's belly. But Gaara didn't know what his instincts were telling him. He was only pissed that his fuck toy was unavailable for his usage.
The frog's eyes suddenly fluttered open. Perhaps he smelled Gaara in the room. But then again, frogs' sense of smell wasn't very useful, was it? Perhaps it was that he had sensed him. But the frog's black, black eyes focused on him, and the frog quietly, matter-of-factedly said, "I'll kill you if you hurt these children."
There was no anger or threat in his voice. Gaara felt chill running down his back. The frog was not boasting. He would surely kill him and kill himself afterwards if... if what? What did he mean by "children"? Where were the children? There was something else in the frog's eyes, too, but it wasn't something he could figure out.
Gaara didn't know it was a mother's sadness at losing all of his offspring except two that desperately clung to his temporarily constructed womb(frogs did not come with wombs, since they fertilized outside their body), wanting to live, wanting a chance to be born in this world and breath and eat and laugh and cry. He could only stare in confusion as Lee lowered his face and wept.

You know that rape is only rape if the other person doesn't want to have sex and you are forcing them to, right? If the other person wants to get raped, then it's just rough sex. This is why rape fetishes are nonsensical and stupid in addition to disgusting. Seriously, don't make light of people getting raped. Rape jokes can be well done in a black comedy sort of way, but to say that rape is sexy crosses the line. There was a line, and you crossed it.

I. Rapey fetishy weirdness.

...what is there even to talk about now? I thi-oh, wait, no, I remember.

Quote :
 Hinata felt the male kissing her lips and she was startled to feel his cheeks wet. Was he… why was he crying?
Quote :

"I'm sorry," he whispered against her lips. "I'm so sorry…"
She wanted to ask why. This was what she wanted, wasn't it? She had practically forced him to mate with her. Was he regretting…?
A thin sliver of moonlight penetrated between the curtains and for a brief moment, Hinata saw face of the male who had just mated with her.
Neji...?
When Hinata woke up the next morning, there was a strange, dull pain in her waist. She was back in her room and when she slowly stood up and examined herself, she found no mark of him remaining in her body. It was a dream, right? It was only a dream. She didn't know why she was having a dream about Neji instead of Naruto, but… Surely, it was only a dream that she gave her virginity to Neji.
She gingerly checked herself and when she pulled her finger back out, she didn't see any traces of mating—no semen nor blood. She decided she must have hit her hip against her bedpost or wall while she was sleeping and limped towards the feeding station.
She didn't see Neji all day.

Wait, what? What are you saying, author? Is this abou-

Quote :
 Hinata watched Neji pace back and forth. She wasn't sure what made him so irritated, but he was definitely bothered about something. She thought it had something to do with the call he received few days ago, from his cousin Sasuke.
Quote :

"What?" Neji had asked, so sharply that Hinata looked up from the piece of Swiss cheese she was picking on. Neji gave her an apologetic shake of head before he continued to talk, whispering rapidly into the phone. Hinata was the one who picked the phone up and handed it to Neji, so she knew he was talking to Sasuke, but she couldn't fathom why that would make Neji so upset. Sasuke and Neji always seemed to get along well enough before.
Hinata ate a piece of carrot, wiped her mouth, and stood up from the table in time for Neji to hang up the phone. Neji was looking at her strangely. Hinata curiously looked back at him, her long tail quivering slightly before it whipped behind her smoothly. The cat regarded the little mouse solemnly, then when Hinata tried to step out of the room he suddenly grabbed her arm.
"What..." Hinata asked, astonished. Neji had never stopped her from going anywhere before. In fact he let her do pretty much anything she pleased, provided she slept with him at nights. He didn't even demand mating from her, and they only mated when Hinata started a session. She gently shook her arm.
"Please let me go. I want to bath."
"Bath later."
"The bath closes soon!" Hinata protested. "And you are hurting my arm, Neji Oniisan."
Neji softened his grip, but only slightly. He still wouldn't let her go. Starting to feel slightly afraid, Hinata demanded in a trembling voice, "Let me go."
Neji suddenly attacked her, pushing her into the bed and climbing on top of her. Hinata was outraged. Except the time that Neji had held her in the community bath by force, Neji had never forced himself on her. And he had certainly never forced her in a brightly lit room, where she could clearly see that her mate was not the cat of her fantasies. Neji had always been so considerate, helping her with her illusions, never complaining when she called out another cat's name while they mated...
"I'm sorry, Hinata-sama."
Neji sounded anguished. Hinata stopped struggling, surprised at his voice. If she didn't know better, she would have said he sounded near in tears. She looked up at him, and he slowly pulled his arms away. Hinata sat up and looked at him, questions that were not yet voiced filling her eyes. Neji turned his head away.
"You can leave."
Somehow Hinata had a feeling that he would break if she left him now. She placed her paw on his arm, and when he turned to look at her, gently kissed his lips. She saw his eyes widen with surprise and... and something she couldn't quite decipher.
"What did Sasuke-kun say?" Hinata asked in a soothing voice. Neji bit down on his lips and did not answer. Hinata gently ran her hand on top of his arm, waiting until his taut muscles relaxed somewhat before she slowly pulled him down to the bed. She snuggled against him, wordlessly comforting him with her presence and warmth. After few minutes, Neji relaxed and wrapped his arms around her slender body, his cheek resting against the side of her head.
They stayed in each other's arms in silence until they finally fell asleep. Hinata was not to know that only few doors down to her own room, Naruto was getting examined for pregnancy along with his mate Sasuke.

Author, are you saying that-

Quote :
 "Hinata, Sweety, what's wrong?" Kurenai asked, picking up the little mouse and kissing her soft cheek. "Are you upset that Naruto is missing? You haven't even touched your food."
Quote :

"I'm okay," Hinata quietly replied, nuzzling against her owner lovingly. The only thing mice were usually used for was for breeding, because they bred so easily. Most people preferred cat or dog humanoid for a pet or show breed, and if a mice was used to breed with a cat or dog humanoid, breeders usually kept the cat or dog offspring, but drowned the mice pups. Hinata's owner bought baby Hinata, saving her from fate of drowning, and even encouraged her to live happily and get married to whomever she wanted. Hinata loved her owner and did not want her to be worried, but she could not tell her owner why she was unable to eat.
"Well, us women have to at least stay healthy and well, Hinata. If you get sick, too, I wouldn't know what to do," Kurenai said, smiling. She sounded as if she were joking, but Hinata quietly nuzzled against her owner. Her husband had died of cancer only few months ago, leaving his pregnant, beautiful wife a widow. Hinata wanted to eat, to ease Kurenai of one more unnecessary worry, but even her favorite sunflower seeds failed to calm the nauseous feeling in her gut.
"I'm not hungry right now," Hinata said in a small voice, and her owner kissed her again and let her down to go prepare her own dinner, while Hinata went to her basket and curled up. She put her small paws around her belly, and then closed her eyes. Her silly, girlish crush on Naruto had ended a long time ago. Hinata learned of gentle smile that would make her heart pound, as Naruto's beautiful but babyish smile never could.
But her mate, the sire of the pups growing in her belly, had been taken away from her to be mated with another, and Hinata never had the chance to tell Neji that she loved him back.
Hinata repeated to herself what her owner had said when her husband had died.
"..............if I cry... My baby will be sad, too, so I won't cry..."

Fuck you. That's it. If you think that sleep-rape is a romantic gesture then you should burn in hell and that is all there is to it. No excuses.

Quote :
[To Be Continued]

 I don't think so. The last update was in two thousand and eight.

Somewhere, birds are shining, the sun is singing, and joy is in our hearts. But not today.

Not here.
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StandupShady
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Join date : 2011-03-13

PostSubject: Re: This Fanfiction Will Self Destruct   Sat Jun 15, 2013 2:46 pm

Having read the entire thing I suddenly realised I have no fucking idea what these animal people are supposed to be. Are they supposed to be like standard furry fursonas, e.g. humanoid bodies with animal heads? If so, why do the paws come off and they have human hands? Does ANYBODY know what these abominations are supposed to be?

I won't even mention the fact that they seem to be always raping each other. You fucked up, author. You fucked up.
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Cyberwulf
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PostSubject: Re: This Fanfiction Will Self Destruct   Sat Jun 15, 2013 5:33 pm

who the fuck stretched out the boards goddamn
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Dixie
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PostSubject: Re: This Fanfiction Will Self Destruct   Sun Jun 16, 2013 5:22 am

Viewsonic did, on the post timestamped at Thu Jun 13, 2013 3:44pm (BST)
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KJM
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PostSubject: Re: This Fanfiction Will Self Destruct   Mon Jun 17, 2013 2:22 pm

There's already a thread for this.
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http://kennethmrrw502.blogspot.com/
hottienanako20

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PostSubject: Re: This Fanfiction Will Self Destruct   Wed Jun 19, 2013 6:34 pm

Quote :
"Naruto! What's wrong?"
"My paw came off!" Naruto cried, showing Sasuke his hand. Sasuke licked Naruto's hand and then kissed his palm.
"Don't worry, Naruto. See? My paw comes off, too."
Sasuke sat up and pulled off the paw-shaped gloves, showing Naruto his well-shaped, long fingers.
"You know how you were covered with fur when you were born? We slowly shed our fur as we grow older. Our paws are the last bits to come off; it means now you're an adult." Sasuke nuzzled Naruto and Naruto stopped sniffling to look at his hands. "But that's strange, usually paws come right off after you lose your virginity... Mine came off right after I went home after we mated."

When I read that, I could actually feel myself getting dumber.
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