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 Kingdom Hearts: Destiny Shine High

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TheIan
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PostSubject: Kingdom Hearts: Destiny Shine High   Fri Apr 26, 2013 9:10 am

I admit, I’m a fan of Kingdom Hearts. Something about how the game plays to my nostalgic love for Disney characters and how I’ve longed to hear since-mute characters from Final Fantasy having voices and speaking lines. Or it could just be the fact the game is fun as balls.

But have you seen the fanfiction lately? It’s pretty rancid. And I’m not just talking about the bishie-on-bishie action that fangirls have been creaming their jeans over, either. No, that’s to be expected. I accept it happens. I don’t like it, but I accept that it’s a thing.

The only other fanfics that comprise the Kingdom Hearts fanbase’s creativity (or in this case, lack thereof) are Mary Sue/OC and canon romances, Alternate Universe stories, High School scenarios, or an amalgamation of all of these.

In today’s finding, Kingdom Hearts: Destiny Shine High combines the romance of Riku and Penelope Petunia Bunny as high school sweethearts.

I actually threw up a little in my mouth from writing that.

Here we have an example of the author’s naming creativity at work.
Quote :
Main Cast: OC (Original Characters):
Penelope Petunia Bunny: A new student fitting in at D.S.H.S (Destiny Shine High School). Penelope lives in Hollow Bastion and she has very, very high intellect with beauty matching along with it. Penelope has nice, long brown hair and brown eyes that spark when Penelope is determined. Apparently, Penelope has a rivalry with Vanitas Unversed. Penelope has the ability to wield a Keyblade, which is Leviathan, along with having a strange psychic ability. Penelope's Best Friends are Roselyynn Rosepetal, Yami Tsunamagashi and Sakiyani (Saki) Sugarcane.
Friends not mentioned here: Big McLargehuge, Buff Drinklots, Beat Punchmeat, Flint Ironstag, Punch Rockgroin and the aptly named Sue-Not-Appearing-In-This-Story.

Oh, if you think the names she gave her “friends” are stupid, wait until you see the names she gave the canon cast!

Quote :
Sora Sky Keyblade
Riku Darkness
Kairi Heart Light
Roxas Oblivion Destiny
Aqua Ocean Waters
Terra Earth
Bob Johnson! Oh, wait…

All of them obviously have a quick bio with a description, because apparently, the author assumes the reader only likes the fanfiction and never played the games at all.

A few examples!
Quote :
Sora Sky Keyblade: Sora is a longtime student at D.S.H.S. He is pretty cheerful, forgiving and upbeat (A/N: To me personally. Sora: Yay!) And Sora has the ability to wield the Keyblade. He wields the Kingdom Key and the Ultima Weapon. (A/N: I've heard he can wield that Keyblade. Penelope: STOP PAUSING. Me: Fine.)Sora has spiky chestnut brown hair that defies gravity and bright blue eyes. Sora's best friends are Riku Darkness and Kairi Light.

Kairi Heart Light: Kairi is a new student at D.S.H.S but she used to live in Destiny Islands but she moved to back home to Radiant Garden with Naminé. Kairi can wield the Destiny's Embrace Keyblade and she is beautiful, kind, friendly and isn't afraid to speak her mind. Kairi has deep auburn hair and ocean blue eyes. Kairi is best friends with Sora Keyblade and Riku Darkness and Kairi is also friends with Naminé Waves.

Axel Flame: Axel is pretty new to D.S.H.S and is from Twilight Town (A/N: In this story. Penelope: SHUT UP AND CONTINUE.) Axel is calm at times and is pretty laid back and he can be quite sarcastic at times. Axel is also kind and heartful to his closest friends and is also a sharp guy who is difficult to read. Axel has bright red hair and emerald green eyes with a single purple reverse teardrop symbol under each eye. Axel is able to use the Bond of Flames Keyblade (A/N: In this story. Penelope: Do I have to duct tape your mouth shut? Me: O_O) but he usually uses his Chakrams, The Eternal Flames. Axel's Best Friends are Roxas Destiny and Xion Tide.
As it stands, the author clearly likes to have arguments with herself, more or less to the same effect of Jeff Dunham.

But enough of this! The author has battle with her sassy Sue because OMG SO FUNNY
Quote :
A/N: Hey everyone, I decided to post another chapter because…Well, the last one WAS short, wasn't it? Yeah, so anyway…
It wasn’t even a chapter, you twit.

Quote :
Penelope: GET ON WITH IT. Nobody wants to wait a Million Years.
Me: Don't back sass.
Penelope: You aren't the boss of me.
(I summon my Keyblade, the Creator's Tool)
Me: You asked for it!
(Penelope and I begin battling.)
Xion: Oh no.
Sora, Riku, Roxas, Ventus, Terra and Axel: Let's do the disclaimer. CirciFox81314 does not own Kingdom Hearts. If she did, Larxene, Xigbar, Xemnas, Marluxia, Saïx and Vexen would probably have been thrown off a cliff.
Kairi: Oh Kingdom Hearts. The fight is getting worse.
Vanitas: (Eating Popcorn) I am loving this battle so much.
Naminé: Um…On to the Chapter?



Quote :
Chapter 1: To Destiny Islands!
(Penelope's POV)
It’s gonna be one of those fanfics.

Quote :
This day must be one of the greatest days in my 15 year life. You see, I got a scholarship to go to the prestigious Destiny Shine High School! So did my Best Friends Roselyynn, Yami and Saki. Roselyynn, Yami, Saki and I have known each other ever since we were kids.
Hmmm, yes, prestigious indeed! Let us don top hats and monocles and sip tea and learn to be just dapper!

Also, UBAR-SPESHUL BESTESTEST FRIENDS FOREVER OMG WE SHOULD BRAID EACH OTHERS HAIR

Quote :
(A/N: (Penelope and I are STILL fighting) Roselyynn: Well it's no secret that THEY are trying to kill each other. Riku: BREAK IT UP! (Riku gets caught into the fight) Sora and Kairi: O_O…OMG RIKU! Everyone else: Okay, THAT is getting bad. Xion: Uh…Back to the story? (Penelope uses a Firaga Spell and Axel gets excited.) Axel: Burn baby! Roxas: This really isn't the time for that, Axel. If CirciFox81314 gets fatally injured, she can't write the story. Axel: O_O (Axel makes a ring of fire appear around the battle.) Axel: I'LL STOP THIS! (Axel runs into the fire) Xion: Back to the story…We'll check up on them at the end of the chapter.)
I bet the voices in my head could kick the voices in your head’s ass, author! Right?
Voice in my head: Kill… me…

That aside, there’s one secret the author hasn’t told her friends, because apparently she thinks one of them would use it to their advantage. You know, like a reliable, trustworthy and loyal best friend would!
Quote :
They've told me their secrets but I've never told them some of mine. I've kept my special psychic power secret to my friends.
“I have really stupid conversations with myself in author’s notes thrust in the middle of riveting exposition.”

Quote :
If anyone knows about my power, it'll be used to their advantage. So, that's why I've never told anyone about my powers.
I have to play this, it seems fitting…


So, anyway, the Sue finishes packing with the help of her UBAR-SPESHUL SUPER SECRET POWARS and bids farewell to her mom and grandma. Her grandma has this pearl of wisdom.
Quote :
Grandma smiles at me and says, "Be good and make sure boys don't chase you!" I kiss my Mom and my Grandma on the cheek. "It's not like any boys will, Grandma. I'm just too strong for them." I state flatly.
Apparently she’s also been auditioning to be Kirsten Stewart’s stand-in.

This is such a lovely and heart-warming scene, isn’t it? So instead of having her mother and grandmother saying good-bye at the airport, she walks there with her bags. She’s also got her luggage with her.

Quote :
I see Roselyynn, Yami and Saki and they wave at me. Well, Roselyynn and Yami did. I walk up to them, pulling my bags behind me. "Ready to go yet, Penelope?" Roselyynn asks. "Why wouldn't I be ready? I DO have everything I need, Rosy." I answer with a bit of sass in my voice.
Everything but proper dialogue structuring. But that’s me being nit-picky.

Quote :
"Ugh…Let's go before we miss our plane." Saki says in an annoyed tone. "Jet, Saki. We're going on a Jet." I say, correcting Saki.
See, they’re leaving on a jet plane. And they don’t know when they’ll get back again.

Hey kids, wanna see Sue exposition?

Quote :
"I think everyone just might be rich idiots who are either jocks or girly-girls who get to go to a private school. We DID get scholarships, did we not?" I state questionably. "Penelope, not everyone may be like that. Why do you always think so badly of people?" Roselyynn asks. I shoot a glare at Roselyynn. "People at our old schools only appreciated the fact that I'm really skilled at Blitzball and that I've earned the title of the Blitzball Champion of Hollow Bastion and nobody really liked me for my other qualities so that's why I think badly of people."
Top athlete who whines about how people don’t see her for her other qualities, exposition poorly dumped… GASP! She’s the female version of Tidus!

Quote :
"Good Rosy. I'm sure this year will be absolutely flawless." I say proudly.
Methinks the lady doth preen too much…

This chapter really drags you by the ballsack across broken glass, barbed wire, and Tommy Wiseau’s acting all at the slowest pace imaginable.

I mean, seriously, do we have to sit through the Sue getting the tickets?

Fast forwarding to the Sue doing something Sue-ish.

Quote :
"Hello everyone! Welcome on the flight to Destiny Shine High School. My name is Caitlin for those of you who don't know. We will be traveling from Hollow Bastion to Twilight Town. Is there any questions before the flight begins?"
I see a girl with deep auburn hair and appear to be in a pink dress raise her hand. "How long will it take to get to Twilight Town from here?" Caitlin begins to answer but I cut her off and say, "Well in all, from the starting point to the finish, it would take five hours in all, BUT due to the boarding times, it would actually take six hours." Caitlin and the Girl look at me surprised. "That's right…! Thank you?" Caitlin says, confused.
Stop doing the person’s job for them, Sue. No one finds a smart-ass endearing. Unless it’s Gregory House.

So while they’re waiting for take-off, someone has the audacity to not kneel before the Sue!
Quote :
"Now, WHY did you do that?" I ask. "Oh, because it's MY job to be the know it all." I glare at the guy. "Are you TRYING to start something?" I ask angrily. "Maybe I just am." My glare intensifies. "Now may I INQURE who you are?" "I'm Vanitas Unversed. Your name is?" "Penelope Bunny." "Yeah, whatever." Vanitas says, sounding a little bored. "How DARE you use that tone with me." I growl.
KNEEEEL you peasant!”

Quote :
"It's not like you're in charge." Vanitas states. Okay, can I punch him right now? I REALLY want to punch that guy now. I notice a blonde looking at me. Vanitas glares at him, but the boy doesn't notice. "Hi, I'm Ventus Destiny. What's your name?" People, STOP TALKING TO ME! "Uh…I'm Penelope Bunny." WHY DID I ANSWER?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! "Uh, Penelope, you're turning pale." Ventus alerts. "Sorry!" I cry out. Okay, Can someone tell me what is wrong with me?!
Well, you seem to have a superiority complex, have trust issues with your friends about a secret power you don’t let even your own family know about, you’re schizophrenic, obnoxious and probably smell.

What? She asked.

Oh yeah, and you tend to get in long drawn out fights with your author like it’s SUPER FUNNY OMG.

Quote :
(A/N: Xion: Oh gosh…It's been an hour and CirciFox81314, Penelope, Riku and Axel haven't appeared from the fire wall yet. Roxas: That is HORRIBLE! WHAT IF THEY DIE?! (Sora and Kairi are sobbing) Yami: I'll put the fire out. (Yami casts a huge wave on the fire wall and it goes out, only to see that CirciFox81314, Penelope, Riku and Axel are passed out.) Yami: O_O Naminé: Oh Kingdom Hearts. (Roselyynn, Yami and Saki are healing the passed out Authoress, OC and two Kingdom Hearts Characters.) Aqua: BACK TO THE STORY! Vanitas: This is my Best Day ever. (Sora, Ventus and Roxas begin whacking Vanitas.) Kairi, Naminé, Xion and Aqua: O_O…Uh back to the story? We'll check up on them literally at the end of the chapter this time.)
Author STAAAHHHHP. It wasn’t funny the first time, what makes you think it will the next twenty times?

The author then switches points of view to Roxas, and redundant writing is redundant.
Quote :
I see Axel and Xion. "Hey, we're here!" I indicate to Hayner, Pence and Olette before going over to Axel and Xion. "Hey guys!" I say cheerfully to Axel and Xion. "What took you so long, Roxas? Xion has already checked us in." Axel says calmly. Xion smiles but says, "Since our flight leaves at 10:35, we really should get going now because it's 10: 27 now."

So we cut back to the Sue’s point of view (as if it’s really necessary to do that) and she’s made friends!
Quote :
(Penelope's POV)
We made it! I can't believe I had to deal with Ventus's Twin Brother and Vanitas on the freaking jet. Yami also introduced me to Kairi and Naminé and Ventus introduced me to Terra and Aqua and for some odd reason, Roxas introduced me to Axel and Xion. Oh and why am I walking off the jet with Kairi? I really don't know what's happened to me. Kairi is literally pulling me along with her while I'm pulling along my luggage. "I have to introduce you to Sora and Riku. They are really nice and I'm pretty sure they will like you." "But I need to get to my dorm!" I whine.
“Why isn’t anything going my way! It’s not fair!

We’re almost through this. Bear with me people.

Kairi introduce the Sue to Sora and Riku, and, in a sickening twist in the plot, can read the Sue’s mind
Quote :
I notice a guy that looks EXACTLY LIKE Vanitas but has chestnut brown hair and blue eyes and I don't pay attention to the guy next to him. "Penelope, this is my best friend Sora Keyblade and this is my other best friend Riku Darkness. I look at "Riku" and see that he has long, silver hair and blue-green eyes and he IS pretty hot.
And we have fan-girling, this is not a drill, people! All hands! The fan-girling has commenced!

Quote :
Oh no. I will NOT fall in love. I am a responsible girl, not a boy crazed one. I feel somebody tap me on the shoulder and I notice it was Riku. "Uh, you're blushing."
I feel my face burning
And then the Sue died of face-melting. GOOD END.

Good end or bad, the chapter's closing is horribly inconclusive.
Quote :
"I'll see you all later I guess." I say to Sora, Riku and Kairi. "Okay! See you later!" Sora says cheerfully. I go and get the stuff I need for the year and I go to my dorm, which is Dorm 13. When I open the door and close it behind me. I notice that Xion, Roxas and Axel's friend, is my roommate?! What? "Weren't you that weird girl on the plane?" Xion asks. "Weren't YOU that girl that Roxas introduced me to?" I ask back. Well, this year is going to be nice. I was being sarcastic really. I just hope I aim more on the year than with friendships.
Seriously, this is how the chapter ends. Afterward we get another “Author’s Note” but this is it.

There is honestly nothing to conclude this chapter. Either the author has no focus, or what, I’m not entirely sure.

Join in next time, when I go into the next chapter.

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Reepicheep-chan
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PostSubject: Re: Kingdom Hearts: Destiny Shine High   Fri Apr 26, 2013 12:22 pm

TheIan wrote:
Quote :
"Hi, I'm Ventus Destiny. What's your name?" People, STOP TALKING TO ME! "Uh…I'm Penelope Bunny." WHY DID I ANSWER?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! "Uh, Penelope, you're turning pale." Ventus alerts. "Sorry!" I cry out. Okay, Can someone tell me what is wrong with me?!
Well, you seem to have a superiority complex, have trust issues with your friends about a secret power you don’t let even your own family know about, you’re schizophrenic, obnoxious and probably smell.
Also your name is "Penelope Bunny".
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StandupShady
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PostSubject: Re: Kingdom Hearts: Destiny Shine High   Fri Apr 26, 2013 4:02 pm

This is dreadful. So many characters, so little point. To be honest it doesn't even read like a trollfic, it reads like a child of about 11 trying desperately to be funny and entertaining....it's kind of sad if anything....so much uncomfortable fourth wall breaching... your snark is good, Ian, but I honestly don't know if I could make it through another chapter of this.
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PostSubject: Re: Kingdom Hearts: Destiny Shine High   Sun Apr 28, 2013 6:34 pm

Argh....sad thing is I used to like KH before Re:Coded, the saw it was a cash cow that won't be going anywhere, then kinda enjoyed it after playing BBS. This fic makes me feel the former. then again, some of the series ideas' as a whole are cliche and trope filled, which isn't a bad thing, but then you have authors like THESE. Reminds me of the Naruto fandom all too well.
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TheIan
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PostSubject: Re: Kingdom Hearts: Destiny Shine High   Wed May 22, 2013 9:52 am

Back for another chapter. The author really has no idea how annoying the author’s notes really are.

Seriously, would you be interested if this was the first thing you see in a chapter?
Quote :
(A/N: Hello again! It's CirciFox81314 here to bring you all another chapter of Kingdom Hearts: Destiny Shine High! I also came up with a shortened name for me (Circi)!
Penelope: Basic.
Circi: Aw, shut it.
(Penelope instantly attacks CirciFox81314)
Axel and Riku: Oh Kingdom Hearts. Not this again.
Roselyynn and Yami: O_o
Roxas: *Face palms*
Roselyynn: It's time for the girls to do the disclaimer!
Roselyynn, Yami, Saki, Kairi, Naminé, Xion and Aqua: CirciFox81314 doesn't own Kingdom Hearts. If she owned it in the past, she probably would have not made the game exist or something.
Circi: HEY! (Dodges Firaga spell) At least I got used to Kingdom Hearts over time!
Yami: Let's start the chapter!
No, let’s not start the chapter! Let’s continue this pointless petty in-fighting because I totally want to see more of that.

The chapter is off to a great start by scaring the shit out of the reader within the first three sentences.
Quote :
(Kairi's POV)
Okay, I just got this awesome idea. I should throw a party! I should invite all of my friends attending this school. I even think Nami should help me plan it!
And when everyone’s passed out piss-drunk, Naminé can wipe everyone’s memory of the experience! One of the girls might wonder how or why they’re pregnant, but no biggie, right?

And then Xion comes in to tell us a little more about the Sue.
Quote :
"How come you're here?" Naminé asks. "My roommate scared me a little." Xion answers. "How did she scare you?" I ask.
“She was standing there in the middle of the room, screaming at her reflection calling it the author or something.”

Quote :
"When I introduced myself to her, her eyes went blank and she said something in another language and immediately startled me. I think she was happy I left the room." Xion answers. "Who is your roommate?" Naminé asks.

"Uh…I think her name was Penelope." "How could she have said something in another language?" I ask. "What I mean is that she spoke in an other-worldly language. I don't really know how she did." Naminé and I look at each other and blink and then we look back at Xion. "That's awkward. Where could she have picked the language up from?" I say in confusion.
So apparently the Sue knows the tongue of the Old Gods. Didn’t expect that one.

A knock on the door and Kairi has no idea who it is.
Quote :
I walk up to the door and ask, "Who is it?" "Kairi, you know who it is. Can we come in?" I hear Sora ask. I open the door and see Sora and Riku. "Come on in guys." I say casually. My two seriously awesome best friends walk in.
Her friends are so important, they deserve two adjectives to describe them.

Kairi explains the plan to invite everyone and Pinkie Pie to this party and gives Xion the list of people to invite. I don’t imagine that list being necessary initially, since it’s everyone (no doubt including that one weird kid who licks chairs after everyone’s sat in them) but then again, poof! here’s the list of everyone in the school from out of nowhere!
Quote :
"I'm going to throw a party. So, Xion, could you give the invitations to EVERYONE, and I mean EVERYONE on this list?" Xion reads over the list. "Penelope isn't on the list though." Riku looks at me surprised.
“Oh, she’s at the bottom of the list.”
“…You’re inviting the sports equipment over Penelope?”
“I said I’m inviting everyone, aren’t I?”

Nah, Kairi figures to invite the Sue personally with the help of the Sue’s love-interest.
Quote :
"Sora, Riku, will you help me invite Penelope?" Riku looks like he's in heaven when I ask that. "Riku are you in a trance?" Sora asks. Riku instantly blushes. "No…"
Oh snap. Riku has a crush! This is freaking hilarious yet surprising because Riku hasn't really had a crush on ANY girl.
Except maybe for you, Kairi, but that would be pushing it.

And then random antagonist! That's what we needed in this story, right?
Quote :
When I open the door and walk out with Sora and Riku, I run into a blonde haired menace and her stupid clique. The girl is Jo Dee Bolivia. She is a total jerk.
And yet, Kairi, your nipples are hard.

Quote :
"Oh, it's Kairi Light. I heard you were throwing a party and I wasn't invited." I glare at Jo Dee.
Yeah, Kairi, I though you were inviting everyone.

Words get thrown around, Penelope appears from her room, Jo Dee says something dickish, Riku swats her for it, and basic high school drama ensues. And considering this is, like, the first day of school, I’m surprised they managed to get away with this sort of shit. I mean, come on, not really a good first impression when you hit a girl, Riku.
Quote :
(Riku's POV)
Okay, Jo Dee has crossed the line. NOBODY insults Penelope without getting hurt. I punch Jo Dee and yell, "Penelope is NOT a nerd! You don't even know her. So what if she enjoys Video Games? It doesn't qualify her as a nerd. She is a pretty nice girl as far as I can see about her."
This is ironic, coming from the guy who crushes on the Sue after only just meeting her and not having spoken a single word to her yet. You’re better than this, Riku.

Quote :
Jo Dee looks surprised. "What I meant by Video Games is boyish video games and not fashion ones and stuff."
On second thought, Riku, hit her again for me, please?

So Bitchy McAntagonista storms off and the Sue’s all like, “I could have taken her. Just after another rep. I lift, you know.” And Riku gets creepy. I mean, real creepy.
Quote :
I smirk at Penelope. She's just playing hard to get, but I'm going to make sure that she is mine and nobody else's.
“It belongs to usss… my own… my love… my prrreciousss…”
Because YouTube doesn’t have a good video of the scene of Gollum and The One Ring. Which is sad.

Also, Riku, I’m no expert on the matter, but shouldn’t you botch a date with the Sue first before you start stalking her? Just saying.

So Kairi strong-arms the Sue into going to this party, because the Sue’s friends are going. I suppose this could count as a good tactic, but then again extorting a person by using their friends as leverage is pretty underhanded. Good move, Kairi.

And then the Sue reflects on how horrible People can be!
Quote :
(Penelope's POV)
No matter how hard I try, I just can't keep from talking to People now.
It just sucks when you can’t be anti-social when you want, doesn’t it, Sue?

The rest of the Sue’s part is her getting on her dress and what not, it’s frivolous padding, probably like the Sue’s bra.

So Kairi manages to get permission from faculty to find grounds for the party, set up sound equipment, decorations, someone to cater, send invitations and be ready all in about two hours. With that kind of efficiency, I’d be surprised if Kairi could turn a deer hide into a hang glider.

Quote :
(2 hours later…)
(D.S.H.S. Fields)
(Riku's POV)
I'm waiting for Penelope to come to the party. I've seen that most of the guests have arrived. Penelope and Xion are missing though. "Where is Penelope?" I whine. "Wow Riku, you sure are excited for Penelope to come to the party." Sora says before making a mischievous smirk at me. "I really want to dance with her!" I moan.
“And by ‘dance’ I mean ‘put my WEEEEEEEEEI-NER in her’!”

AND THEN THE SUE HAPPENED
Quote :
I see Xion and Penelope. Penelope is in a beautiful lilac gown and her hair is tied up. She looks beautiful. When Penelope and Xion reach the area, Sora and Kairi go up on their little stage and say, "Let the Ball begin!" Then Kairi puts on a Classical Music Piece which is Beethoven: Violin Concerto in D, Op.61-2. Larghetto.
I would have expected something like Nobuo Uematsu’s Waltz for the Moon considering the canon setting, but eh, whatever.

So the romance begins.
Quote :
I walk up to Penelope and ask, "May I have this dance?" "Okay?" Then Penelope and I slowly waltz to the music. At each key moment, Penelope slowly spins to the music. My eyes gazing into Penelope's own as Penelope blushes and softly mumbles something to herself.
“I’m missing a fight with my author for this?”

This is the point where the Sue and Riku move in perfect time with the music because Sue powers, duh. And it’s mushy and bland and clichéd, and then it finally picks up.
Quote :
This is probably one of the best nights of my life because I was able to be close to Penelope. Roselyynn, Yami and Saki walk up to me. "Hey Riku, do you have a crush on Penelope?" Yami whispers to me. "Yeah, kind of." Sora and Kairi join us. "So you DO have a crush on Penelope." Sora says smiling.
That’s some super sensitive selective hearing you have there, Sora.

Also the dorm’s co-ed; because the author is the captain of the USS Make Shit Up.
Quote :
Then Axel, Roxas and Xion also join in our conversation. "You know, I'm not really used to having Penelope as my roommate." Xion says sounding very honest. "Wait, your dorm is Dorm 13 right?" I ask. "Yeah, why?" Xion answers.

"I just realized Sora and my dorm is right next door to you guys." Xion blushes and I notice that Penelope has stopped her singing and she turns red. I am absolutely silent along with everyone else. Penelope silently walks off stage and leaves the area. "That was very awkward." I softly say with a bit of confusion of what just happened.
I’ll say. You guys weren’t even on stage in the first place.

No really, there was no prior indication they were on a stage at all.

The Sue suspects something is up with Riku.
Quote :
And I swear that Riku has a MAJOR crush on me. Okay, I DO admit I have a small crush on Riku, but it doesn't mean I can't tell if people like me or not.
You just indicated you could tell Riku has an unjustifiable crush on you, and then you can’t tell if someone likes you or not? Sue, make up my mind!

And then the Sue has a run-in with the Bitchy McAntagonista because we really need a conflict in this story.
Quote :
I notice that I've ran into Jo Dee and some of her members of her stupid clique. This REALLY brightens my day. Nope, I was being sarcastic.
Really? I couldn’t tell.

Quote :
"You're not going anywhere. Now why does Riku keep staring at you? Riku is mine, okay?" Jo Dee growls. "Look, I don't know his intentions of why he likes me so I'll be off now." Two Girls from Jo Dee's group restrain me from leaving. "Leave me alone!" I yell before summoning Leviathan and whacking the girls' hands. "Ow…" Both of them moan. "Oh, you can wield a Keyblade like some people? I don't think you really deserve the Keyblade."
Also, the Sue has a keyblade. I may or may not have overlooked that detail. In fact, it’s never been touched upon in this story, let alone mentioned, until now.

To the Suethor’s credit, I acknowledge this being a legitimate keyblade from 358/2 Days.
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And to the Sue’s credit, she has a pretty good taste in keyblades.

The whole point to the scene between the Sue and Bitchy McAntagonista is Bitchy warns the Sue to stay away from Riku. Oh good! A forced love triangle trope! Just what this story needed!
Quote :
Jo Dee shoots a death glare at me. "Don't even think about getting close to Riku or you'll be paying the price, okay Bunny?" I roll my eyes at Jo Dee and say, "It's usually him who gets close to me, not me getting close to Riku, okay?"

I'm pinned up against the wall. "Don't even think about Riku or you will probably die, okay?"
You know Bitchy, considering Riku just hit you not two hours previous, I’m fairly certain that doesn’t mean he’s really all that into you.

Who the hell am I kidding, I want to see Stalker!antagonist stalk Stalker!Riku. It’d be like setting two private investigators after one another! Only creepier!

After another useless author’s note (And you were doing so well, too! YOU HAD ONE JOB) the Sue retreats from the party and mopes some more.
Quote :
(Penelope's POV)
I'm in my Pajamas and I'm playing my Violin. I'm playing that song Riku and I waltzed to earlier. I'm enjoying my peaceful solitude at the moment, clearing my mind of the negative things Jo Dee had said to me. I move my arm back and forth as my Violin Bow slides across the strings, striking the notes correctly in tune to the song.
Oh for the love of Wataru Kurenai… Violin, too?! Fuck you.

The Sue’s friends come in, useless words are exchanged. The chapter ends (Fucking FINALLY) with Xion having this to say.
Quote :
(Xion's POV)
Oh Penelope, can't you see that I just want to be your friend? You're such a loner at times that it gets me worried about you. And don't you realize Riku likes you? Okay, now I'm wondering if Penelope likes Riku back, but she's hard to read and it's hard to determine if she does or not. I wonder what's troubling Penelope. Did Jo Dee do something?
Seeing it was on stage FOR ALL TO SEE I’m amazed you didn’t notice yourself, Xion. Or were you busy sucking face with Roxas?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

This fucking story. It seems to continue to suck.
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PostSubject: Re: Kingdom Hearts: Destiny Shine High   Wed May 22, 2013 10:46 am

Quote :
(A/N: Hello again! It's CirciFox81314 here to bring you all another chapter of Kingdom Hearts: Destiny Shine High! I also came up with a shortened name for me (Circi)!
That... must have been difficult?

Also: the party Kairi throws is a formal ball?
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PostSubject: Re: Kingdom Hearts: Destiny Shine High   Wed May 22, 2013 2:42 pm

Christ, the NAMES in this story...
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PostSubject: Re: Kingdom Hearts: Destiny Shine High   Thu May 23, 2013 3:34 pm

[quote="ViewSonic"]Christ, the NAMES in this story...[/quote]

This. Why Penelope and Jo Dee for the Sues? She couldn't have gotten the time to do an anime name generator or something?
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PostSubject: Re: Kingdom Hearts: Destiny Shine High   Thu Jun 20, 2013 2:16 pm

Chapter 4: “School Start” or “How I Got Over the Fourth Wall and Learned to Build a Playstation”
 
The chapter starts off with the Sue dreaming of a cutscene from 358/2 Days. To save you the eye-bleeding text-wall, I’ll just post the actual cutscene, if only because it’s confusing as fuck with the consistent negligence of end quotations in dialogue.
 

 
Then the Sue wakes up from her meta-dreaming.
Quote :
I wake up in shock. Why were Riku and Xion in my dream? Me not in my own dream…Them fighting…It gives me a migraine just dreaming about it. I also feel something hard under my Pillow.
Please don’t be a vibrator, please don’t be a vibrator, please don’t be a vibrator…
 
It’s not. It’s a little more fucked up than that.
Quote :
I turn my lamp on and raise my pillow up, only to see Six Games, materials for something and a set of instructions to construct something. "What are these?" I quietly ask to myself. As I spread the six game cases across my bed, I suddenly stop when I see my friends-err, acquaintances, on the covers.
I like how the Sue catches herself at the end here, like she’s trying to keep herself convinced the canon isn’t her friend, yet she pines for one of the bishies. Consistency.
 
Mysterious message talking about mysterious things are mysterious!
Quote :
I read the note and it says, "Penelope, I know you may not understand, but these games aren't supposed to exist in this world.
Then why are they? Better question, how the fuck did they even arrive in canon in the first place? Unless…
 
ANTHONY!!
 
Oh, we are going to have words, Bault! Lots of unpleasant words!
Quote :
They hold a record of everyone who was here before time was stopped and reversed in order to prevent the Clash between the Seven Guardians of Light and the Thirteen Seekers of Darkness' memory.
Honestly? This is kind of a cool idea. To rewind time to before the Clash between Light and Darkness to change its outcome would be an interesting concept. Maybe there’s something the Sue is supposed to do that contributes to the changed outcome—
 
Quote :
You see, if the games get into the wrong hands, everyone's memory will be restored and the Clash will surely occur.
No world is ready for a comeback concert of that magnitude!
 
Quote :
That is why you, Penelope Petunia Bunny, the Guardian of Light, Balance and Darkness must keep the games safe. You aren't actually from this world, but now you are a part of it.

Oh, of fucking course!
 
Of COURSE the Sue is the lynchpin of this poorly constructed plot. OF COURSE the Sue isn’t even from a canon universe! OF COURSE only the Sue can be the only one responsible for the fate of ALL REALITY.
 
Fuck you, author!
 
So the only way the Sue will be able to piece together the whole story is to—you guessed it—PLAY THE FUCKING GAMES. Because she’s a gamer; and the fate of all reality…
 
…hinges on a Sue…
 
…playing a video game…
 
…this sounds strangely familiar…
 
Quote :
As far as my understanding goes, you have a 3DS that can play Kingdom Hearts 3D or Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Days, A DS Lite that can play Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Days or Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories and a PSP that can play Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep.
What, no re:Coded?
Also, having two DS systems isn’t really necessary. The 3DS plays standard DS games quite effectively (All hall the glory of backwards compatibility! Learn a thing or two from this, Microsoft and Sony!).
 
Quote :
I have given you the materials needed in order to create the PSX, a system that is truly non-existent but it will work in order to play Kingdom Hearts and Kingdom Hearts 2.
What, the home console needs to be built, but the handhelds comes fully assembled? Boo! Bad mysterious benefactor! At least have some legitimate reason why it’s not already assembled, you douche!
 
After the rather lengthy exposition, the note is signed by the Lord of Aaarrrrrrgggggghhhh (I guess he was dictating) and the Sue assembles the PSX with her UBAR SUPAR SPESHUL AWESOME SUE POWERS right then and there. I imagine, like this story, the PSX is missing little important things that makes it cohesive and work.
 
This raises another question; Why would it be easier for the Sue to assemble it than have it already assembled for her in the first—OH LOOK A SHINY BOX!
 
Quote :
I look at Xion and then look down and see a box made with pure gold and Amethyst.
Can you tell what my favorite precious minerals are?
 
Quote :
A note is placed on it's lid. It says, "Penelope, in order to protect the games' cases, place them in this box and lock the box with your Leviathan Keyblade.
“I’m being oddly specific, otherwise you might confuse your keyblade for your bong.”
 
Quote :
Signed," I see no signature again. It was definitely the same person who sent me this box. Who sent it? Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy?
Stupid Sue. Santa Claus isn’t a Tooth Fairy! He’s an Easter Bunny! Duh!
 
She locks up the games, Xion is pissy about BRIGHT LIGHTS HISSSSSSSSS and then Sue gets yet ANOTHER surprise gift!
Quote :
I push the box under my bed and when I'm about to go back INTO bed, I see a black cloak that looks really similar to Axel, Roxas, Xion and Demyx's cloaks laid across it. And there's another note from you-know-who.
Lord Voldemort clearly has learned nothing from recruiting Sues as Death Eaters, has he?
 
Quote :
"Penelope, in case someone finds out the existence of the games, this black cloak will help you use and travel through Corridors of Darkness. Signed,"
STAAAAAAHHHHHP
 
Next thing she’s going to turn around to discover is her own goddamn Gummi Ship at this rate.
 
Luckily, she doesn’t, and finally goes back to sleep. Unfortunately, she has the same cutscene dream but she’s apart of it, doing nothing and feeling helpless. Now she knows the reader’s pain.
Quote :
(5 hours later)
"Penelope, wake up! C'mon! Okay, that's it."Someone smacks me really hard across the face, making me wake up.
Ah, the cold, cruel hand of reality strikes again.
 
Quote :
I notice it was Xion who slapped me. Thanks a lot Xion, you freaking jerk. "You were screaming in your sleep." Xion indicates to me.
“Something about Riku being your Toyota or Honda or some other Japanese car.”
“Nissan?”
“Yeah, that! Also, why did you want Kairi to keep, ‘going down’?”
 
The Sue is all pissy Xion was interrupting her wet dream with Riku, and goes full-blown Bitch-form on her.
Quote :
I'm gathering my clothes for school and my supplies, which are already in my bag, which I set on my bed. Xion is OBVIOUSLY trying to get my attention but I ignore her.
I couldn’t tell from how she was juggling chainsaw-chucks on that unicycle.
 
Quote :
Then I feel something hard whack me and I notice Xion has summoned her STUPID freaking Keyblade. "Penelope, why are you ignoring me? And how was it my fault that you were screaming?" Xion asks in worry.
“Because shut up.”
 
So then the Sue goes to breakfast. It’s a tiny detail, but I didn’t mention the note talked about another person, Authorname Von Randomperson. I only really bring it up because, come on, it’s not like they’re going to just appear instantaneously or anythi—
Quote :
I notice an Orange Haired Girl with Blue eyes ask. "Sure, whatever I guess." I answer. The girl joins me. "What's your name?" I ask the girl. "I'm Circi Von LeTier." She answers. I remember that she was the Lone Witch mentioned in my note. "Uh…" Circi smiles at me. "You know that I'm the only one who you can discuss the history of the world with, right, Penelope?" She whispers.

I think I actually felt myself DIE a little inside!
 
And then they’re friends now. Because the Sue can’t involve herself with the canon characters as that would somehow compromise the fate of universe, so she distances herself, even though her CLEARLY BESTEST FRIENDS are sitting with them.
Quote :
"The memories are the main reason. And I'm not supposed to be close to Riku because of Jo Dee that stupid jerk." Circi stared at me in confusion but quickly understood. "Jo Dee is a jerk, isn't she?" I nod. "The biggest jerk of all." Circi and I giggle a bit.
Oh wait, I’m sorry. She can’t get close to the canon and Riku because they share the suppressed collection of memories and Bitchy McAntagonista is a jerk and only lusts after Riku for herself.
 
…What?
 
Then the Sue whips out her ego again.
Quote :
"I don't really get why Riku likes me but it's not like I'm going to talk to him much anyway."
“The less interaction I have with him, the more I’ll fall in love! It makes sense in all the movies!”
 
Quote :
Circi lightly punches me. "Oh Penelope, you're a denial. You might just fall in love with Riku." I laugh a bit and shake my head, "No, I'm just too strong for boys to like me."
It’s kinda true. Her last date asked if she wanted the last breadstick, and she put him in a headlock, then Batista-Bombed him through the table.
 
Anyway, the Sue and Authorname Von Randomperson head off to class where they have Saïx as their math teacher. And apparently, the Sue knows more about her teacher than was expected.
Quote :
The Teacher walks in and the class goes silent.
The teacher really ripped a bad one as he entered.
 
Quote :
Apparently the teacher has blue eyes and an X across his face and yellow eyes. Apparently his name is Saïx Lunar.
Apparently, he was also a robot space-duck from a planet in the Outer-Rim territories. Apparently, he has detachable nipples and a lightsaber for a penis. Apparently, the author just likes to use words that sound intelligent and hopes the reader doesn’t realize just how incompetent she truly is.
 
In a sudden and rather cruel twist, Saïx gives the class a pop quiz, I guess to break them in or gauge how much hope he has for the class, I don’t know.
Guess how well the Sue does? If you said, “terribly” you’re not paying much attention.
Quote :
First we do a Pre-Test for the Unit. Okay, since the class period is 60 Minutes, it means it would take 1 hour for most to do the Pre-test but for me? It would take 5 minutes exactly for me. I quickly finish my test; check over my answers (Which ARE right)
“Potato” does not count as a valid answer on a math test.
 
Quote :
and then I turn my test in. I kind of confuse Mr. Saïx at first because NOBODY could finish a test that fast, and EVERYTHING was right on my test.
It’s just gotta be all about you, doesn’t it, Sue?
 
To spend her time waiting for the rest of the class to catch up to her UBER AWESOME MATH SKILLZ she reads her violin music book and goes full-on Rainman.
Quote :
(The book has only 100 pages, 200 sides of the pages and 400 pages if the book's pages were split in half horizontally.)
Oh god, I’m starting to taste copper…
 
Next class is Gym (But come on, does that even really count as a class?) and… oh sweet merciful deities, just grant me strength to endure this insanity…
Quote :
Circi and I walk out together for P.E. onto the field.
We were then bombarded with dodge balls.
 
Quote :
I see that the teacher has blue eyes and curly red hair that seems a darker in color compared to Circi's. "Hello class! My name is Merida Bear!
“But you can call me ‘Pointless Cameo’!”
 
Quote :
(A/N: It's Merida from Brave and I gave her the last name Bear, because you know, Bears are important in that movie. Oh, don't mind me, just keep reading.) I'll be your P.E. Teacher for the year! Okay, I'll do attendance first and then we begin the game!" The Teacher says in a Scottish Accent.
Then in a Russian Accent, she tells us to run laps.
 
Quote :
First Ms. Merida does attendance and then she announces the game. "The game is Freeze Tag!
PFFT! “Freeze Tag”? I thought this was high school, not fourth grade. You’re not fooling anyone, author!
 
The game gets going, and the Sue and Authorname Von Randomperson hide out in the bleachers (this is on a field, I don’t think you can hide that well underneath a cheap aluminum frame bleachers) away from the rest of the action. Did I mention the Sue is a top athlete? I’d say this spot would be ideal for the Suethor to make out with her ego, but then again, this story is enough of an ego trip.
 
Quote :
Circi and I get out from under the bleachers and dust off and we're congratulated by Ms. Merida before lining up.
She then failed us for not participating. Did I mention I’m a top athlete?
 
Quote :
Before Circi and I are able to go into the Locker Room, we're pushed up against the wall by Jo Dee and some girls in her clique.
O hai Bitchy McAntagonista we almost forgot about you. Almost.
 
Quote :
"I said, "Don't get close to Riku!" You are a HORRIBLE listener!" Jo Dee yells at me.
Hey, where’s the teacher in all of this? Shouldn’t she be breaking up this fight?
 
Riku obviously comes to the rescue (again) and the Sue comes up with another excuse about why she didn’t fight back.
Quote :
"I can protect myself. I'm not the Damsel in distress." I state. Riku smirks at me. "Oh Penelope, you're a denial."
“I am NOT!”
 
Authorname Von Randomperson finally got the results of the test in. The Sue definitely is a denial.
Quote :
I look at Circi who is grinning. "It's true! You ARE a denial." Circi says while giggling a bit.
“I can’t be a denial! I tested negative!”
 
So it’s lunchtime for Riku!
Quote :
(Lunch Break)
(Dining Hall)
(Riku's POV)
It's kind of hard to listen to what my friends are saying when Penelope catches my eye.
The agonizing pain of someone else holding one of your eyes does that.
 
Quote :
She is in the corner of the room by herself with her friend, that orange haired girl. Then I feel someone tap me on the shoulder. I see it's Xion who tapped me.
 
"If you like her, then just ask her out already!" I look at Xion and raise an eyebrow.
“And develop some actual character chemistry with her? Are you crazy?!”
 
Riku and Xion go on for a bit about the Sue, Riku’s all OMGWTF when Xion mentions she slapped the Sue awake near the beginning of the chapter (I still think it wasn’t hard enough) and Zexion (from out the fuck nowhere) explains a terrible joke Axel and Roxas were laughing at.
 
MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE SUE
Quote :
(Penelope's POV)
I'm beginning to get annoyed and scared of Riku.
I think he stole one of my socks from the locker room…
 
Quote :
I always feel his gaze on me and I feel magnetically attracted to him and I can't fall in love and I WON'T fall in love. Circi stares at me worried as I clutch my head. "Is a past memory replaying again?" "No! It's worse! I'm falling in love! With HIM!
Oh noes, IT’S SUCH A TERRIBLE THING FALLING IN LOVE! PUUUUUURGE THE UNCLEEEEEAAAANNNN!
 
Quote :
I lay my head on the table in shame. "I want to be normal again!" I moan. "You were never normal in the first place." Circi states frankly.
I love how Authorname Von Randomperson is saying what I’m thinking. It’s like the author finally wised up or something!
 
Quote :
In my current moment of rage, I felt someone tap my shoulder and I didn't know who. Snapping out if my blinded rage, I see who tapped my shoulder. "Hey Penelope…It's you-know who." Circi indicates. I already know Riku tapped my freaking shoulder! "Yeah, I know." I growl to Circi.
I don’t know who it is! Wait, yes I do! I know because we haven’t interacted with one another just yet!
 
After lunch, it’s music, which I feel like skipping over, not because I hate Xion (I actually consider her one of my favorite characters from 358/2 Days) but it’s just the Sue stroking her ego. Also Ariel from the Little Mermaid is the teacher. It’s pointless. So moving on to Art with Aerith as the teacher.
 
Which is also just as pointless!
 
I’m beginning to get the feeling the author hasn’t even entered high school yet.
 
What’s the next class, science? So help me, if Dr. Insano isn’t the teacher and something doesn’t get vaporized, I’m fucking done.
Quote :
Because of the pink hair but I figure out the teacher is a guy. And his name is Marluxia. I look at Roselyynn, who is staring at the teacher in surprise and shock. Then she looks at her pink hair and then moans, "No, just no. This can't be right…What guy has PINK hair?!"
And Roselyynn has something to obsess over for the rest of her life. As if a guy with pink hair is so hard to comprehend.
 
The chapter officially ends with the Sue walking to English class (which I’m most certain the author has skipped at every possible opportunity) with Riku’s very presence driving her into a deepening madness.
 
And I’m done. I can’t get around how there is so little in detail, and yet so much can happen isn't important. Just the beginning was the most excruciating to deal with, and the rest of it just…
 
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH
 
I’m OK. I’m good. I needed to get that out of my system…
Special thanks to Freezer for helping me out! You are a wizard!!
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PostSubject: Re: Kingdom Hearts: Destiny Shine High   Thu Jun 20, 2013 3:01 pm

Quote :
Merida Bear

Well, at least the authors terrible invented name choices are consistent.  What was Ariel's last name?  Mermaid? Ocean? Shell-Bra?
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PostSubject: Re: Kingdom Hearts: Destiny Shine High   Thu Jun 20, 2013 4:27 pm

Reepicheep-chan wrote:
Quote :
Merida Bear

Well, at least the authors terrible invented name choices are consistent.  What was Ariel's last name?  Mermaid? Ocean? Shell-Bra?
Atlantica.

I'm pretty convinced the author has no originality whatsoever.
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PostSubject: Re: Kingdom Hearts: Destiny Shine High   Wed Jul 24, 2013 8:53 am

Well, after recuperating from the wounds of the last chapter, I come back to the next one of this rotten pile of a corpse’s ass. Someone has to, right?

Chapter 4: “Love Has a Price” or “In Which There is Romantic Chemistry”

So what kind of chapter would it be if it didn’t start with the Sue being absolutely flawless?
Quote :
The week flew by in such a blur. In Math, I kept completing things so quickly (And correctly) that Mr. Saïx didn't know what to do about me. In P.E., Well, one day we got to play Dodge ball and I was able to get Jo Dee and her friends Maize and Lilly out. In Art, Ms. Aerith was pleased with how hard I worked on my Art. In Science, I did well on an example and Roselyynn still went on about Mr. Marluxia having pink hair and how wrong it was. In Music, I played "Maid with the Flaxen Hair" for the class, and I saw that some people were going to cry by how beautiful it was. And finally, in Literacy, Riku wrote me two poems. I liked the poems, but I didn't say a word to Riku, even though he smiled at me.
No one died under the crushing weight of my ego. It was a good day.

Quote :
Today is Friday and on Friday, we have Half-Days! I don't know why, but specific People get to take the Keyblade and Weapon Mastery Class. Circi along with Sora, Riku, Kairi, Naminé, Axel, Roxas, Ventus, Vanitas, Terra, Aqua,
[Sharp inhale]

Quote :
Demyx, Zexion, Roselyynn, Yami, Saki and Xion also take the class.
It would have been easier to say, “My friends take the class with me,” I think.

And the Sue makes friends with ANOTHER character, who probably arrived by cat-bus.
Quote :
I also made friends with a girl named Hikari Totoro.
This is the extent of the author’s creativity. It has to be.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT HER, THE SUE HAS BIGGER ISSUES TO DEAL WITH!

Quote :
I've also tried keeping distance from Xion, but she always seems to talk to me and I WANT to be left alone.
It gets so awkward when she’s singing to me from the other side of the door and I’m trying to crap.

Quote :
And, when I was in the Library, I ran into Zexion, and he spoke a bit to me.
He said something about “wands” and “muggles” and whatever else, I wasn’t paying attention. I was admiring myself in a window.

The Sue goes on about what she’s learned about Zexion, Axel, Demyx and Roxas from the games she played, but it’s useless information.

Now to play the violin!
Quote :
Now I'm currently playing "Maid with the Flaxen Hair" on my Violin. I can seriously figure out how to use the Violin for almost any song.
You will never master Through the Fire and the Flames! Never! You hear me?! NEVER!!!!

Drama, blah, blah, blah, Xion points out the Sue’s friends are jealous of being replaced, and the Sue handles it in the most eloquent way possible.
Quote :
"I DIDN'T replace them. THEY are overreacting that I have new friends and I'm hanging out with them. I'm starting to think that THEY don't want me hanging out with my new friends.
I am SO not OVERREACTING by capitalizing WORDS to emphasize my POINT!

Also, BESTESTESTEST FRIENDS FOREVAR!

I don’t think the Sue has even once talked with her friends since arriving to the school. How does she know they’re overreacting? Has she talked with them about anything that’s happened at all? Or were they just cardboard cut-outs set up to make the Sue look good initially? Consistency, author, you have none.

It’s infuriating, that this is the Sue, who can ace a math test in no time at all, is top athlete, best at everything she does, but doesn’t even think to talk to her own best friends.

I’ll bet you anything a wooden door would probably thwart her, too!

And Xion reflects on how it’s her fault, when it’s really just the Sue being an immature twat because she doesn’t have the common sense to communicate.
Quote :
"It's NOT okay! I swear Penelope's left us behind! She DESERVES payback!" Yami yells.
“I’m gonna MINDCRUSH THAT BITCH!”

So at the Weapon and Mastery Class, the Sue gets in a confrontation and is just, “meh, I don’t have time for you, because my COOOL NEEEEWW FRIEENNNNDS want to make out with me.”
Quote :
Then I feel a tap on my shoulder and hear Yami ask, "Why have you been a jerk lately?" I
answer, "Why should I tell you? It's not me being a jerk.' Then I feel someone slap me and I death glare Yami. "If you do that again, I will…"
You’re not being the jerk, huh?

Bull. Shit.

And the teacher for this class is… Mickey Mouse. An amusement park, entertainment corporation, kingdom, and Galactic Empire wasn’t enough for the ego, you now have to teach a fucking high school class? I can think of some other characters of the franchise better suited to this class, namely Master Eraqus.

So Mickey decides Riku and the Sue to have the first spar of the class. It’s a text-wall of boring, but essentially the Sue is beaten, even though she’s, “Too strong for boys”.

Sue’s brittle ego aside, she goes back to her dorm, or tries to, because Riku abducts her.
Quote :
Riku stares at me in confusion and then says, "Penelope, I'm not taking anyone else with me. Just you."
"Why?!" I ask even more angrily. "Because I need to tell you something." Riku answers a bit more seriously.
“And by, ‘tell you something’ I mean, ‘put my WEEEEEEEIIINER in you!’”

This is probably the longest the Sue and Riku have held a conversation. And these two are the primary pairing in the story, people! Four chapters in and they have had no chemistry, no attempt to get along with one another, only falling in love from a distance!

And now, Riku shares a Paopu fruit with her? Where the fuck did this decision come from?!
Quote :
I look at Riku, who softly smiles at me and then says, "Penelope, I wanted to tell you something, but I've been too embarrassed to tell you in front of people."
“We all know about the tramp stamp. Sora even swore it winked at him.”

Quote :
I look at Riku and I get the feeling that I know what he's going to say.
And like hell I’m gonna join the Columbia Record Club!

Quote :
Riku turns to face me and says, "Penelope…I really like you…No…I love you…I know you don't get why exactly but…"
“But it’s the only way to move the plot forward!”

AND THEN THEY KISSED!
Quote :
I smile and kiss Riku on the cheek. Riku gazes at me and then kisses me softly on the lips as a response, but after that, he shakes his head.
"That doesn't seem like enough for me." Riku says with a not satisfied look on his face.
“I hope you like bacon and corn,” he grins, digging a fingernail in between his teeth.

Quote :
Riku turns to me and pulls me close, and then kisses me on the lips. I lost track of time how LONG the kiss was. I can't even BREATHE at this point.
Neither can I. Then again, I am screaming out of frustration at how shallow these two characters are.

You’d think the chapter would end with them kissing, but no, Riku pulls a fast one on the Sue. So much for being, “too strong for boys”, whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean. Seriously.
Quote :
I continue eating my Paopu Fruit half and Riku tells me, "I think the Papou Fruit legend mentioned that if two people shared a Papou Fruit, their destinies would intertwine and they would remain a part of each other's lives no matter what." My eyes widen. "Wait, what?! Why didn't you tell me about the Paopu Fruit Legend in the first place, Riku?!" I ask angrily. "Because I wanted to surprise you!" Riku answers.
That’s strange, the Troll-dar’s pointing to MASTERFUL.

Maybe it’s me, but trolling a girl and then strong-arming them to be your girlfriend seems like a dick move. The crazy things you do for… love?

I’m beginning to think Riku might need to see a psychiatrist. He stalks a girl he doesn’t even know, fights off a would-be antagonizing stalker of his own, forcefully kidnaps his prey, forces them to a eat a strange destiny-forming fruit that may or may not be hallucinogenic and strong-arms her to be his girlfriend.

This world is fucked up.
Quote :
This MAY seem like a good moment, but I'm beginning to think my "Boyfriend" has gone crazy.
Even the Sue thinks so!

Quote :
Now I'm stuck in a High School Romance that will surely end.
As long as we don’t break out in song and dance numbers, I should be fine…

Riku leaves his new girlfriend to go back to his dorm (probably to do something about why his pants suddenly seem tight) and the Sue talks with Axel and Roxas no doubt having a bromantic date.
Quote :
"Uh…Sorry for startling you, Penelope. We just kind of wanted to apologize for glaring at you earlier because Xion told us what happened I suggested that we'd apologize to you." Roxas indicates. "Um…Yeah so…" Axel begins to say but I cut him off. "It's okay. I can be very forgiving when I'm in a pleasant mood."
“I’m not in one of those moods, though. KNEEL TO YOUR MISTRESS, PEASENT! LICK MY BOOTS!”

Quote :
Then, just then, a painful memory of Axel and Roxas battling flows into my head. It hurts so badly, that I about fall off of the cliff in absolute pain.
Well that death was rather anti-climactic.

Wait, no, she survives—INEXPLICABLY I MIGHT ADD—and wanders back to her dorm.
SO FIVE HOURS LATER AT THE DORM the Sue decides to go BACK BECAUSE THE MOON TELLS HER. She’s supposed to be the sane one, too.
Quote :
I see a star dance across the sky, directing to the Destiny Islands Shore. Wondering why the moon seems to want me to go there, I leave my dorm and I walk to the shore and seat myself on a large rock.

Oh look, another Sue character with questionable relevance to the plot.
Quote :
I notice starlight fade, making a light image of a girl with long hair and a flowing gown. "Who are you?" I ask the mysterious girl. "I can't reveal my true name, but you may call me Zia." The girl answers.
“I also go by, ‘Shameless Self-Insert Number 23’.”

Remember when this story was about Kingdom Hearts characters in high school, neither do I!

Quote :
Both Zia and I remain quiet and then I ask, "Zia…Why are memories of fighting so painful for me?" Zia remains quiet for about two seconds and then she answers, "As the Guardian of Light, Balance and Darkness,
And peanut butter.

Quote :
you have a special link to those who are involved in your memories.
“Fuck if I know how that works, though, otherwise I’d explain that shit to you no problem.”

Quote :
Though you aren't friends with them, you will be sooner or later.
“And you WILL LIKE THEM young missy! Or so help me I’ll MAKE YOU LIKE THEM!”

Quote :
Why it hurts the most is because of your pure heart, seeing the people you have a connection to fighting, cracks your fragile heart, making you fall into melancholy. However, the closer the bonds grow, the less it will hurt.
In other words, “Make some friends and maybe you’ll stop being such a fucking shallow character.” Huh. Well if it works for Twilight Sparkle, it’ll work here.

Shameless Self-Insert Number 23 goes on to tell the Sue she’ll be able to wield two Keyblades (Isn’t that just original?) when either she comes to peace in mind, or after she wakes up from a coma, whichever comes first. Shameless Self-Insert Number 23 disappears, Mufasa comes about and realizes he took a wrong turn somewhere, and the Sue’s head explodes!

Are we done yet?
Quote :
(Riku's POV)
I'm with Circi and that other girl that Penelope has been hanging out with, Hikari and we're on the shore of Destiny Islands.
Oh fuck me.

Fuck this, I’m done!

Riku carries a comatose Sue to her dorm, it’s padded like the Sue’s bra, Xion is sad, whatever.

Goddamn I need a drink.

 
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Kakashifan727
Sporkbender
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Join date : 2012-10-15

PostSubject: Re: Kingdom Hearts: Destiny Shine High   Wed Jul 24, 2013 1:27 pm

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] Owwwww...the bullshittery. So bad...And people like this thing?!?! WUT?
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lovedless
Sporkbender
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Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 39
Location : Scarlet Crusade (US)

PostSubject: Re: Kingdom Hearts: Destiny Shine High   Thu Aug 08, 2013 9:50 pm

Glad to see that some things never change. You, good person, deserve a drink. Or a whole damn case of hard liquor.
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TheRadioShower



Join date : 2013-09-18

PostSubject: What do we have here?   Wed Sep 18, 2013 4:09 pm

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Now I could do one of two things; I can either bitch about how you're flaming one of my best friend's attempts of being creative, yada-yada-yada, or I can applaud you. The latter is the one I'm picking. You...you're the one asshole society keeps because they need you, no matter how the world spins at the end of the day. You say the bullshit others don't have the balls to speak. If it weren't for you some people wouldn't realize their shit is just that; shit.

Besides being fucking funny as fuck this was actually pretty insightful. This is probably gonna be the weirdest fucking request you've ever gotten, but I'd savor the feeling I'd get if you did this to me. I got the same name on Fanfiction.net. Only got two stories, but one of them was inspired by the same girl you've been going at in this post. That would be Melody's Pitch ZERO. Don't ask about the name, because I got it from her.

Hell, I might even mention you on my aspiring YouTube channel. Probably would start an argument in my comments. Ahh, I enjoy a good argument. You're entertaining, man. Keep being entertaining.

Call me a fan, a loser, whatever you want...you've impressed me, and made moving to a new state more bearable.
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