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 Dear Lord, Hetalia's been infected!

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ClipboardFox22



Join date : 2013-02-24
Location : None Of Your Beeswax, U.S.A

PostSubject: Dear Lord, Hetalia's been infected!   Mon Apr 15, 2013 10:04 pm

Hey, everybody out there on teh interwebz! I've been wanting to do a spork for a while, and I finally found a great badfic to spork. So, without further ado, I present the sporking of Hetalia Halloween Special!
Quote :
Please dont judge me. Ive had these ideasin my head since i was ten. I do not own Hetalia.

Hetaween
special
Yep, that's not only how it starts, but the gross grammatical and conventional errors are present throughout. I can already feel my brain melting. (Even worse, this is an entirely serious fic, not a troll fic. The horrors!
Quote :
The allies and axis were going camping. They were going to stay there for a
week. They finally set up camp. "Hey, do you ever have the feeling we're
being watched aru," said China. "It could be just Canada," said
Japan. "No he said he was staying home," said France. "Good
thing he didn't. THERE'S ONLY FOUR TENTS!" America was shocked. "So
two to a tent," said Italy. "Alright, here's how the tents are going
to work," explained Germany, "In tent one there will be China and Russia.
Tent two: Britain and France. Tent three: America and Japan. No
complaining!" "But I don't want to be dead the next morning
aru," said China. Russia smiled. "I don't like the smell of
perfume," said Britain. "I don't mind America, but wouldn't that mean
you and Italy are in the same tent?" Japan asked. "Scheiße! I did not
think this through," said Germany. "How about this: China and I,
Germany and Russia, Britain and America, and then France and Italy," said
Japan. "Yeah that would work," said Germany. All agreed. "Is
there a bathroom aru?" China asked. "Be a man and go in the
bushes," said Britain. China ran off. "I'll cook dinner," said
Italy. "Let's get firewood first," said Germany, "Russia,
Britain, and I will get firewood." They then left. The sun was starting to
set. Then, they heard the yell of terror.
Can't you feel teh suspenz? That huge block of text is the entirety of the first chapter. Not only does the author, who English is their native language, ignore all grammar rules, but there are no page breaks, and the author's pathetic attempts at using Hetalia jokes are overworked to the point where they couldn't get less funny.

Chapter 2 (By the way, this train wreck goes on for 39 agonizing chapters.)
Quote :
"I
don't even want to know what's going on with China," said America.
"I'm checking up on him," said France. America and Italy watched the
camp as France and Japan went to see what happened. "China?" Japan
called. "I'm here aru," he sounded like he was in pain. "Are you
dressed?" Japan asked. "Yes. I am fully clothed aru! Please I need
help!" China said. They rushed to him. They found him lying down with his
hands on his left calf. His hands were covered in blood. "What
happened?" Japan asked. "I don't know, I think something bit me
aru," he said. "Is it that bad?" France asked. China uncovered
the wound. It looked like the meat of his calf muscle was about to fall off.
All winced. "France, get help. I'll stay with him," said Japan.
France ran off. "How did this happen?" Japan asked. "After I
took care of business, I got lost on my way back so I decided to stop and think
aru. Then out of nowhere, I felt an instant sharp pain in my leg aru. I didn't
see the animal that bit me though aru," he explained. "Whatever it
was, it was huge," said Japan. France came rushing back with America.
"Holy crap! China were you mauled in the leg by a giant bear?"
America flipped out. "Just help us carry him," ordered France. France
wrapped up China's leg in his coat. While America and France took his body,
Japan elevated the leg. They eventually made it back. The other three were
back. "What happened? Did bear get you?" Russia asked. They
explained. The blood had soaked through France's coat. "Um, we need a new
bandage," said America he was freaking out due to all the blood. "I
brought a first aid kit," said Britain, "And you guys laughed at
me." He tossed them the box. They found a big bandage. After going through
the proper care, China finally stopped bleeding. "Can you walk?"
Britain asked. China tried putting weight on it. He winced. It started to bleed
again. "Maybe we'll find some branches and make them into crutches
tomorrow," said Germany. They all decided to rest after the long day.
So, poor China gets bitten by some huge creature, and all you do is look at it, say something about how big it must be, and continue on your camping trip? What about rabies? Go get China a tetanus shot, pronto, not sit around. Also, where are the page breaks?! My eyes hurt from these huge text chunks.

Chapter 3

Quote :
I do not own Hetalia! DONT SUE ME!

Early
that morning, Britain and France were looking for sturdy wood for China.
Britain came across a bright, crystal clear pool. He then heard the most
beautiful melody ever. He had no control over his body. He waded into the water
deeper and deeper. France tried to snap him out of it but Britain kept going
until a creature pulled him under. France ran back to camp. "Wake up! Wake
up! WAKE UP! Something drowned Britain!" France shouted. Everyone got up.
France explained everything. "Oh my gosh someone killed the Limey,"
said America. "Hey, has anyone seen Germany aru?" China asked.
"He looked in another direction he should be back soon," said France.
"Ok is anyone else getting a little creeped out?" America asked. So
that day they said a prayer for England, and went to look for good wood. But
late that night Japan decided to wear earplugs, since America sleep talked.
"Zzzzzzzzzz… Britain you don't need to knock, come in…zzzzzzzzzzz… take
me to your leader…zzzzzzzzzzzzz… sexy girl in a chipmunk costume…zzzzzzzzz… nut
shots…zzzzzzzzz… America Prism Power Make up…zzzzzzz… soup," then, he fell
silent. The next morning, America didn't wake up. He had no pulse and a bite
mark by his jugular. He looked dead. They prepared to bury him. Then, his body
was gone. Germany also never came back. Russia also disappeared. So it was just
France, Italy, China, and Japan. The next day, France was gone. They heard when
he disappeared; they heard wings take off and kissing. Japan had a recent dream
about a cat, but that was the main interesting thing. Then, everyone blacked
out.
Sweet Jesus. I want some of whatever they're on. England DIES, and the rest of them start disappearing, and no one is freaked out EVEN A LITTLE?! I don't know about you, but I wouldn't be nearly as gellin' as these dudes. I can also just feel the author's desperate attempts at suspense in that last sentence.

Chapter 4
This chapter's titled (deep breath): The Super special awesome treehouse (1!!1!)
Yeah, also, I'm starting a drinking game for this fic. Every time a deux ex machina appears, take a gulp. New characters halfway through warrant a sip. Try not to die of alcohol poisoning!
Quote :
This part is kind of cheesy. I do not own Hetalia

Italy woke up at the base of a huge tree. He looked up at the tree, which now
contained a massive tree house. He climbed the ladder. It was awesome inside.
There were couches, a giant TV, table and chairs, a HUGE fish tank, a Jacuzzi,
and stoves and a refrigerator and everything suitable for living. This place
must have been created by magic. For a second he thought he saw another person.
He went upstairs. He could have sworn he saw someone. He turned around and Germany
was right there. Italy screamed. "Oh it's just you Germany," he said.
Germany went through him. "Is this a dream?" Italy asked. "I
wish. I don't like this," said Germany. Italy tried to hug him but he
missed. He was transparent and he was floating. "You're… dead?" he
said. "Long story," he said, "We need to find the others."
"Aiya? Is anyone up there?" said a voice. "China!" Italy
yelled. He lowered down the ladder. "I can't. My leg aru yo," he
said. "Just grab on nya," Japan said. He had fangs, cat ears, and a
cat tail. "Japan!" exclaimed Italy. China did so. He pulled up the
ladder. "Wow this place is awesome aru," he said. The sun was low in
the sky. They looked at the fish tank. Then they couldn't Believe their eyes.
They saw Britain as a merman swimming in the tank. Their mouths dropped.
\~/ *gulp* Seriously, random treehouse thing in the middle of the woods. They're all still on their Xanax, though.

Chapter 5
Quote :
Eye due knot own Hetalia

"What are you doing in there?!" asked Germany. "You bloody tell me!"
Britain yelled. He pounded on the glass. His arms also had fins on them. They
then heard footsteps from upstairs. Heavy footsteps. Upstairs was Russia but he
looked much different. He looked like he was made of cloth and had stitches by
his appendages and neck. "Oh hello. Why is Britain in the tank?" he
asked. "I DON'T BLOODY KNOW," shouted Britain. It was dark out now.
They heard a sound from down stairs. They ran downstairs. Until one of Russia's
legs fell off. "I will meet you down there," he said. The noise
sounded like a bird running into a window. They looked down it was America.
"Hey guys! Who put up a force field? Please let me in!" he begged.
Something was blocking him from getting inside. "I can go in and out
fine," said France. He climbed in with ease. "Maybe I'll try another
way like a window," said America. He charged at the window. Splat! It was
like an invisible force. "Just come In without fear of being rejected. You
can come in," said Japan. America then easily went through the window.
"Wow this is awesome!" America exclaimed. "We know," they
all said. "I have to pee," he said. "I wonder why I'm in this
tank and Italy, America, France, and China are perfectly normal," said
Britain. "I am wondering how we can hear you through water," Japan
said. They then heard a yell from the bathroom.
NO, I don't want to know what's going on in there. Obviously, I don't have a choice though, the author is determined to make us suffer.

Chapter 6
Quote :
"Oh gosh America! You didn't slam the lid on-" started Britain. "No this
is more horrifying. It's me!"
Continuing:
Quote :
idonotownhetalia

"Oh gosh America! You didn't slam the lid on-" started Britain. "No this
is more horrifying. It's me!" America said. "Well, I guess that is
horrifying," said Britain. "Just tell us what happened," said
Russia. "Well I was washing my hands and there was this mirror-"
"You were dissatisfied with your appearance?" France suggested.
"No there was nothing in the mirror! I wasn't there!" he said.
"Let us see for certain," said Germany, "I know I can't see
myself in the mirror because I'm dead." France came with them. "Check
it out! He doesn't have a reflection!" France said. All came. "Hang
on. No I have to be sure," said Britain. "What's going on
Limey?" America asked. "Does anyone have a camera on them?"
Britain asked. "I always keep a camera nya," said Japan. "Russia
take a picture of America," he said. Russia did so. "Oh I think I
missed," he said. There was no one in the picture. "Get a picture
with Italy," he said. They did so. Only Italy showed up. "This is
bad. This is really bad!" Britain said. "What's the Limey going on
about now?" America said. "America, any other differences you've
noticed today?" Britain asked. "Let's see, I can't see myself, doors
and windows hate me, camera hates me, I had a severe burning skin rash this
afternoon-" he said. "Wait, a skin rash?" he asked. "Yeah.
My skin started to severely burn and blister painfully this afternoon. It was
very bright out and it was kind of hard to see. You guys look blurry," he
explained. "Try taking your glasses off," said Britain. "But,
Texas!" America said. "Just do it!" he said. He did so.
"Why is Russia all stitched up?" he asked. "Oh no this is much
worse than I thought," said Britain. "What is it?" asked France.
"You guys are so stupid! It's so obvious! America's a vampire."
Mary, Mother of God, let me out of here! Also, Japan's random tic is really pissing me off. So is the stupidity.

Chapter 7
Quote :
Dont worry. IM not using Twilight. I do not own Hetalia

"NOOO! I don't want to be a sparkly disco ball from Twilight!" America yelled.
"Don't worry you're not sparkly," said Britain. America let out a
sigh of relief.
Phew. At least he isn't sparkly. That right there is probably the highlight of this fic.
Quote :
Just then, China collapsed. "I feel so feverish aru. I
feel so hot," he said.
*is whacked by redundancy hammer of redundancy*
Quote :
His face was all red. He was sweating. No doubt he
had picked up something from the wound.
Told ya so, told ya so, but do you ever listen to me?
Quote :
"Quick get him to his room
nya," said Japan. "I will do so," said France. He grew big bat
wings and flew up the stairs. "Please tell me I wasn't
hallucinating," said Germany.

"So in conclusion only Italy and China are normal," said France.
"Good thing Limey knows this stuff," said America. "Well, I
think we can talk this over in the morning," said Britain. "No! Not
in the morning! I'll die!" America said. "Fine, sunset the day after
tomorrow. I want to make a few lists. I'm going to bed," said Britain.
"Me too," said France. Everyone else went to bed except America,
Japan, and Germany. "You two are staying up?" America asked.
"Cats are nocturnal animals nya," said Japan. "I cannot feel
tiredness," said Germany, "I'm mostly just wondering if there's beer
in that fridge," he said. America and Germany raced down the stairs.
Germany got there first. It was jam packed with beer. "Oh yes!"
Exclaimed them both. "Oh I forgot I'm not solid," said Germany.
"Wait, can't ghosts take over people's bodies or something?" America
said. "Oh yeah. Hey Japan, can I borrow you for a second?" Germany
asked. "Sure nya," he said. Germany took over.
Unfortunately, no one got drunk, they just had a few drinks. Then Japan
returned to normal. "We'll still stay up with you nya," said Japan.
"Thanks Bros," he said, "you know this is really going to suck.
Where am I supposed to find blood? Plus I have to live without looking at
myself. That's torture for me! Also I can't have fun outside anymore!"
America complained. "Well, you do have some pretty bad ass advantages. Strength,
smell, sight, speed, hearing, the list goes on and on. Think of it as a good
thing." Germany said. "Thanks man, you're Awesome," he said. He
tried to hug Germany, but he ended up going through him. "I will try to
stay solid this time," said Germany. They tried to high five, but
America's hand ended up all full of mysterious blue goo. "Ewww! GROSS!
What is this?" America asked. "Ectoplasm," said Japan. After
America washed his hands, they watched anime the rest of the night. Later on
Japan left. America saw dawn breaking. "Ok see ya," he said. "Ok
um, Good Morning!" Germany said. "Good Morning," said America.
He went up to an empty room. There was a coffin. America was still creeped out
about this part. The inside was at least padded. "Good night for me,"
he sighed as he stepped inside the casket and shut the lid.
The author's formatting and conventions simply make me mad. Just mad.

Chapter 8
Quote :
The next 2 days, things were normal and boring. Then came sunset. "Ugh.
Someone please wake up America!" Britain said. "I'll do it,"
said Russia. A little while later they heard a scream. Then America dashed down
the stairs yelling, "I'm awake! I'm awake!" Russia followed after
him. They all sat down on couches. "I am starving! I went without food for
2 days!" America complained. "That's really good for America
aru," said China who was lying on the couch with his leg propped up.
Britain was in the Jacuzzi. Everyone was at a table by Britain. Britain started
off. "Ok now that things are different, we need to take new measures.
First thing is the things we need to get rid of. I made a list: garlic, holy items,
crosses, random water, hair dryers, vacuums, open fire, and anything electromagnetic.
Italy that means no pizza! The things we need more of: Blood, fish, yarn,
sewing needles, a pretty girl, chew toys, ritual items, and electronics.
Anything else?" "Um why is there pretty girls on there?" Japan
asked weirded out. "Oh. That's to keep France from raping anyone. He's an
incubus," explained Britain. Everyone suddenly became terrified of France.
"Ok now-" started Britain. He was interrupted by America's stomach.
"Can't you keep quiet?" Britain yelled. "Sorry! I'm an American.
I live to eat and I haven't eaten for 2 days," he said. He didn't look so
well. He looked weak. "Guys, America doesn't look so good nya," said
Japan. "I'm fine. I'll live through it," said America. "You
guys… look like… food," he said. His eyes looked different. They turned
red. Fangs slid out. "I am suggesting we run!" France said. All took
off. Britain dove into his tank. France flew away upstairs. "GAH! I don't
want to be food. I don't want to be food! I DONT WANT TO BE FOOD!" Italy
screamed. "Well, you are the only normal one," said Japan.
"Quick in here!" France said. Japan and Italy rushed into France's
room. "Italy is human! We cannot risk this," said France. "China
is too," said Italy. "CHINA!" Japan and France exclaimed.
Meanwhile, downstairs America was about to attack Russia while China was slowly
limping away. "Now. Now. You don't want to attack Russia, do you?"
Russia said. America turned away. No matter how hungry he was, he knew it would
be the worst mistake of his life to attack Russia. China was halfway upstairs.
He saw China trying to escape. He caught him by his leg. This looked like the
end for China. Then America backed off. "Aw dude! You reek!" he said
covering his nose. "What? I don't smell anything," said China.
"Me neither," said Russia. America covered his nose. He dashed
upstairs. "Let me in," he said pounding on the door. "Ok,"
said Italy. "NO YOU FOOL!" Germany yelled. "Oh well I'll just
let myself in," he didn't sound like the normal America. He sounded evil.
The door gave in. He went straight for Italy. When he gripped him, he started
to fizz. "OW! Dude that hurts!" America said. He started to sound
like himself. "It's Italy. He's covered in garlic!" said Japan.
Hey, action! Maybe we'll eventually get to some semblance of a plot! (Yeah,right. *chokes*)

Okay, I'll put up the chapters in between here and Chapter 29, but here is a part, just a small part, that absolutely pisses me off in this story.
Chapter 29 (This is towards the bottom, but it's the majorly spork worthy part, even if the rest is bad too.)
Quote :
Britain was out for a bite to eat. He loved being a vampire. He played it well. He decided to take a short cut. It was a nice night after all. He didn't notice he was walking through a cemetery. He felt like he was being watched. He then felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Ms. Fairy not now. I'm enjoying the night," he said. He turned around. He saw Sealand at his eye level staring at him. He had a mournful look on his face.

"Oh it's just you. What are you doing in a place like this and How did you get to my height you little brat?" he asked. He then realized Sealand was floating. Britain freaked out. Sealand laughed.

"Wow. Someone like you is scared of a man like me. Man I never get to have fun like this!" Sealand was still laughing. Britain rolled his eyes at the little boy.

"What happened to you?" Britain asked. Sealand stopped laughing. He actually looked serious.

"They took my body," he said.

"What?" this didn't make any sense.

"I was just playing in the woods one day and I came upon a bunch of sticks. I thought I could maybe make a fort. I was gathering sticks. Then I heard something weird. Like a rustle. Something then pounced on me. It was so heavy. I could feel it draining away my soul. All I could do was stay there, helpless. It felt like my body and my mind were being ripped apart from one another. Then, a sudden force pummeled into the dark figure. I then used whatever energy I had to try to run. I looked back at the man who had attempted to save me. His soul was being drained too. I threw a stick at the thing but it was too late. The man had died. I tried to run, but I didn't have the energy. I collapsed. I then woke up in a lab. I saw this weird man covered by shadows. I could just barely hear him behind the glass. He said something about a little fun and an experiment. He flipped a switch. I felt immense pain. Electricity surged through my body. He killed me in a much more painful way, then he had originally planned. I then blacked out. When I awoke, I was here. I don't know how but I was. I later realized I was dead. But I could still have fun. Once in a while the Grim Reaper's assistant came to visit. Only once did I get another visitor besides you who actually recognized me. I think a living small girl came by, but she got scared and left. Other than that and the animals, I was alone. But this is the town grave yard, so people always come here to bury their dead. I just sit back and watch them. There used to be a few ghosts here but they all crossed over with each other. I was left out. I couldn't go anywhere. If I try to leave the graveyard I get shocked. I need permission from the Reaper's assistant, or the grave keeper in order to leave. Or another spirit that can help me cross over. And I've been stuck like this since. Oh but I was able discover some new powers. Check it out!" he said. He made a glowing green energy ball and hurled it at Britain. He ducked just in time.

"Are you trying to kill me?!" Britain yelled. Sealand laughed. Sealand then zapped him in the butt with a laser.

"Ow! Who do you think you are? Danny Phantom?" Britain yelled. Sealand was too busy laughing. Britain started to leave.

"W-Where do you think you're going?" Sealand asked.

"I'm going home. I don't want to be killed by one of your bloody plasma balls!" he said.

"Can you at least talk to the grave keeper, so I can leave? I've been stuck here for quite a while now," he said.

"No thanks. I don't need any more trouble," said Britain.

"Please! The Grim Reaper's assistant and the grave keeper won't let me go! Please!" he begged. Britain was walking away.

"Fine, have it the hard way," he said. Sealand went up to him. He then went into his body.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?" Britain yelled.

"You won't give me permission to leave, fine! you'll get me out, one way or another," said Sealand.

"Wait what are you-" he stopped yelling. Britain's eyes changed from green to a pretty shade of blue. His voice was now Sealand's. Sealand laughed sinisterly.

"I told you I'd get out!" he said. He crossed the border of the cemetery with ease. "Now to find out where this guy lives," he said.
Okay, so let me get this straight, England. You find out your little brother has beenTORTURED TO DEATH, he can't leave the graveyard without being shocked (undoubtably traumatizing him even more) and all you need to do is talk to the grave keeper to let his spirit rest in peace, and you fucking REFUSE?! Angry I can't even continue this safely. I'll post more soon, though. *runs off to stab things*
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Disco Stu
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PostSubject: Re: Dear Lord, Hetalia's been infected!   Mon Apr 15, 2013 10:11 pm

Who even says "teh intarwebz" anymore what the fuck is this

rock of ages???
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Summercorn
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PostSubject: Re: Dear Lord, Hetalia's been infected!   Tue Apr 16, 2013 9:56 am

Welcome to the board, Clipboard. Always nice to have a new WGWer.

I know it's the least of this fictions problems, but why is everyone calling Britain 'the Limey'? No one is calling America, 'Yankee' or Italy, 'Wop'. Seems kind of odd, especially as the racist term of endearment for Britain from France is 'Les Rosbifs'. We, as warmly, call them 'Frogs'.

The fandom is unknown to me, Clipboard, so a little background would help your snark. So far this is just a camping trip with people named after countries, none of whom seem to have the native characteristics of those countries. They could be named Sam, Tom, Dick and Harry and it wouldn't impinge. We need to know what Hetalia actually is so we can judge how bad this fic is.

And, sorry, but in my 'umble opinion, quoting huge, headache inducing, blocks of text, only to tell us that, 'this is a huge, headache inducing block of text', doesn't a fun spork make.

Why does China keep saying aru? Makes him sound like Nixon's Head on Futurama

Hey, it's a good first try. You definately have potential. You just need to put more work into the snark.


Last edited by Summercorn on Tue Apr 16, 2013 9:57 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : spullinj errers)
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grmblfjx
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PostSubject: Re: Dear Lord, Hetalia's been infected!   Tue Apr 16, 2013 10:06 am


I wonder how anyone can have 'these ideas' in their head for any length of time, they're hardly coherent. It's like one random scene after another and none of them make sense in and of themselves, much less in conjunction.
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Reepicheep-chan
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PostSubject: Re: Dear Lord, Hetalia's been infected!   Tue Apr 16, 2013 10:19 am

Disco Stu wrote:
Who even says "teh intarwebz"
My mother.
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Summercorn
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PostSubject: Re: Dear Lord, Hetalia's been infected!   Tue Apr 16, 2013 10:32 am

Reepy, your mother is cool. Personally, I call it the ternets. But then, I'm old enough to call London Gatwick Airport, Gatport Airwick.
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Kakashifan727
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PostSubject: Re: Dear Lord, Hetalia's been infected!   Tue Apr 16, 2013 2:19 pm

Why do people feel the need to combo things that don't go together? Don't know much about H:AP either, but I guess its based on people who look/act like stereotypical countries based on their WW2 personalities? Never got into it at all, but adding ghosts, vampires and possibly Tsukhime(lines of death on Russia?)/ or mummies does not a good fic make at all.

Reminds me I have ideas I want to test out too. I want to try doing a parody again.
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Cyberwulf
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PostSubject: Re: Dear Lord, Hetalia's been infected!   Tue Apr 16, 2013 3:04 pm

Summercorn wrote:
We need to know what Hetalia actually is so we can judge how bad this fic is.
Anthropomorphised countries whose personalities are conglomerations of national stereotypes, mostly set during World War II. E.g. Germany is an uptight blond neat freak with a secret stash of dungeon porn, Italy is a pasta-obsessed airhead whose main contribution to the war effort is making surrender flags, America has a hero complex and is constantly cramming hamburgers in his maw etc.
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Summercorn
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PostSubject: Re: Dear Lord, Hetalia's been infected!   Wed Apr 17, 2013 1:31 am

Ah, thank you Cyberwulf. So the fact that these random dudes have no noticable national characteristics other than the names makes this fiction even more random and pointless?

Like Grumbles says, how can anyone have this amount of disconnectedness for so many chapters?
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grmblfjx
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PostSubject: Re: Dear Lord, Hetalia's been infected!   Wed Apr 17, 2013 8:28 am

Summercorn wrote:
the fact that these random dudes have no noticable national characteristics other than the names makes this fiction even more random and pointless?
I'm under the impression that that makes it more in character. :/
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