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 I want someone to snark my work.

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ZOOLANDER
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PostSubject: I want someone to snark my work.   Thu Jan 31, 2013 8:02 pm

It's actually my first ever full-length fanfic. Not yet finished, but when I finish it I want nothing more than for someone to give it the New Releases treatment. MLP: FiM, of course. I know there's stuff wrong with it, it's not perfect, that's why I want someone to have a go at it.

EDIT: No, it's not a clopfic.
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Penguin
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PostSubject: Re: I want someone to snark my work.   Thu Jan 31, 2013 8:45 pm

Asking for crit is one thing. This is just begging for attention.
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ZOOLANDER
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PostSubject: Re: I want someone to snark my work.   Thu Jan 31, 2013 10:33 pm

That's right, Penguin. GIVE ME DELICIOUS ATTENTION NAO.
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Mikey Go WOOGA
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PostSubject: Re: I want someone to snark my work.   Fri Feb 01, 2013 12:29 am

Clopper wrote:
EDIT: No, it's not a clopfic.

We'd be more likely to snark it if it was.
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ZOOLANDER
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PostSubject: Re: I want someone to snark my work.   Fri Feb 01, 2013 6:19 am

Too fucking bad, Mikey, you get what you're given.
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Hot Cancer
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PostSubject: Re: I want someone to snark my work.   Fri Feb 01, 2013 12:14 pm

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
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Cyberwulf
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PostSubject: Re: I want someone to snark my work.   Fri Feb 01, 2013 4:02 pm

Clopper, if you want constructive criticism, this subforum is the place to ask for it. It is not the place to beg people to post your shit to New Releases. A much better way to do that is leave a link in your sig, hope someone will have a look, think your work is crap and run back here to tell everyone.
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ZOOLANDER
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PostSubject: Re: I want someone to snark my work.   Fri Feb 01, 2013 6:10 pm

Who said I was begging?
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Cyberwulf
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PostSubject: Re: I want someone to snark my work.   Sat Feb 02, 2013 10:48 am

xerrofoot wrote:
Who said I was begging?
You, when you made this thread.
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grmblfjx
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PostSubject: Re: I want someone to snark my work.   Sat Feb 02, 2013 11:23 am

xerrofoot wrote:
I know there's stuff wrong with it, it's not perfect, that's why I want someone to have a go at it.

EDIT: No, it's not a clopfic.

Then why would anyone be entertained enough to snark it? "Could use some work" is not enough to make the cut.

Also I can't see a link anywhere, is it just me or are you that blatant a troll?
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ZOOLANDER
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PostSubject: Re: I want someone to snark my work.   Sat Feb 02, 2013 12:21 pm

I didn't link because it's not finished. If you still want to read it, though, I'll link you to what I have so far.
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Sideways



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PostSubject: Re: I want someone to snark my work.   Tue Mar 19, 2013 7:20 am

I would like to take a look
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ZOOLANDER
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PostSubject: Re: I want someone to snark my work.   Tue Mar 19, 2013 8:05 pm

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]


Last edited by xerrofoot on Wed Mar 20, 2013 4:29 am; edited 1 time in total
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Mikey Go WOOGA
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PostSubject: Re: I want someone to snark my work.   Tue Mar 19, 2013 8:11 pm

And the link doesn't work. Congratulations.
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spork
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PostSubject: Re: I want someone to snark my work.   Wed Mar 20, 2013 1:05 am

Xerrofoot.

How can you be so bold to ask for a review of your own fanfic at this place.

Not only that, but you're even actively begging to be ridiculed. That is where you truly crossed the line. That is where you proved once and for all that you're a deluded, sick, attention deficient sub-human being with illusions of grandeur, even if it has always been a known fact. Have you no ounce of decency, then? Don't you know that mockery is hard work? To be spanked by the community is an honour, so don't you ever ask for it again as if it were a trivial request. Angry
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Disco Stu
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PostSubject: Re: I want someone to snark my work.   Wed Mar 20, 2013 2:01 am

So whose sockpuppet is spork?

Sounds like a parody.
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TheHedonist
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PostSubject: Re: I want someone to snark my work.   Wed Mar 20, 2013 3:18 am

spork wrote:
How can you be so bold to ask for a review of your own fanfic at this place.
I'm not really sure that's bold.

In fact I'm actually pretty sure that's what this subforum is for.
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spork
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PostSubject: Re: I want someone to snark my work.   Wed Mar 20, 2013 3:27 am

Sorry, I'm fairly new here so I guess I should have added a warning sign.

Spoiler:
 
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ZOOLANDER
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PostSubject: Re: I want someone to snark my work.   Wed Mar 20, 2013 4:30 am

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:
And the link doesn't work. Congratulations.

Try it now.
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Summercorn
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PostSubject: Re: I want someone to snark my work.   Wed Mar 20, 2013 6:03 am

Okay, the link works.

It's really not worth snarking. You're okay on atmosphere, but poor on fleshing out character. There's nothing here for me to care about. Rather then the epilogue, (I cannot accept three paragraphs as a chapter), some opening about who the hell Discord is, or was, would help. For all I know he could have been the twin of Datrope in a Jedward style My Little Pony, X Factor competition.

Of course, if you are soley writing for youw own fandom, okay. But you asked us, and you know we're not of a single fandom, let alone yours.

Oh and this:

Quote :
“That was last week,” Spike explained. “The day we went to Canterlot, something happened nopony imagined would ever happen again.”

The humanized baby dragon shivered slightly. “Discord got loose again.”

“What!?” Twilight shrieked. “How?”

Spike's eyes narrowed as he spat out a name like it was a bad word. “Trixie.”

It reads like Twilight says, 'Discord got loose again'. Then you read the next line and you realise that it was a continuation of Spike's dialogue. Stuff like that takes the reader right out of the fiction. You need to read that stuff back as an impartial reader to see if it makes sense. Berfore you post, ideally, but edit it.

Not ripping on you, Xerro. Just sayin'.
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ZOOLANDER
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PostSubject: Re: I want someone to snark my work.   Wed Mar 20, 2013 6:58 am

Summercorn wrote:
Okay, the link works.

It's really not worth snarking. You're okay on atmosphere, but poor on fleshing out character. There's nothing here for me to care about. Rather then the prologue, (I cannot accept three paragraphs as a chapter), some opening about who the hell Discord is, or was, would help. For all I know he could have been the twin of Datrope in a Jedward style My Little Pony, X Factor competition.

Of course, if you are solely writing for your own fandom, okay. But you asked us, and you know we're not of a single fandom, let alone yours.

Prologue, not epilogue. Prologue = before the beginning. Epilogue = after the end.

You're right about the Discord bit. Part of the operation of the story in medias res, though, assumes familiarity with the fandom. My bad.

Summercorn wrote:
Oh and this:

Quote :
“That was last week,” Spike explained. “The day we went to Canterlot, something happened nopony imagined would ever happen again.”

The humanized baby dragon shivered slightly. “Discord got loose again.”

“What!?” Twilight shrieked. “How?”

Spike's eyes narrowed as he spat out a name like it was a bad word. “Trixie.”

It reads like Twilight says, 'Discord got loose again'. Then you read the next line and you realise that it was a continuation of Spike's dialogue. Stuff like that takes the reader right out of the fiction. You need to read that stuff back as an impartial reader to see if it makes sense. Berfore you post, ideally, but edit it.

Not ripping on you, Xerro. Just sayin'.

No, no, it's OK. I should probably have kept that next line attached to the preceding one, that way it would have maintained the flow of dialogue and made it clear that Spike was still talking.
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Summercorn
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PostSubject: Re: I want someone to snark my work.   Wed Mar 20, 2013 7:14 am

Yeah, I knew as soon as I hit send I'd spelled soley wrong. In fact, I don't think it's even a word! You are right too about the Prologue and Epilogue thing. My bad.

I think that may be one of the problems with fanfiction. A lot of stuff on New Releases is about people ragging on their fandom. Including mine. If you are in with that fandom, or at least aware of it, it's okay. Often though, the reader hasn't a clue. Since I grew up with Airfix, Mecchano and Lego, I never saw the attraction of My Little Pony. Just some plastic horse-shaped thing with a mane and tail that you can comb with silly little plastic brush, (provided). So I never caught the cartooons either.

If familiarity with the fandom is needed for your story, maybe some others here can help. I can critique style, or story telling ability. I'm just not able to judge the thing on it's fandom references. You do seem to have some comments from My Little Pony fans on the story where it's posted.
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PostSubject: Re: I want someone to snark my work.   Wed Mar 20, 2013 8:36 am

xerrofoot wrote:
Summercorn wrote:
[The only person here willing to give your stupid attention whoring post the time of day, and you are patronizing enough to correct her post, which you asked for, in red, mostly for fucking typos]

Prologue, not epilogue. Prologue = before the beginning. Epilogue = after the end.

You ask for feedback and then have the nerve to correct the only answer for fucking spelling errors. How about a THANK YOU first, or at all, really?
I'm starting to think you may be for real after all, because to create a sockpuppet this obnoxious, this clueless, this stupid, your creator would have to have a degree in psychology and spend hours on end plotting how to make this character more consistently unlikeable, only to find that that's impossible. You wonder why people don't like you; it's because you're a condescending, stuck-up, deluded little shit.


Last edited by grmblfjx on Wed Mar 20, 2013 4:19 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: I want someone to snark my work.   Wed Mar 20, 2013 3:29 pm

Dear Clopper,

I read your fic. It is shit.

I recommend the following things to improve it: Delete the fic from the website. Delete it from your PC. Delete your account on that website. Delete your account here. Destroy your PC and never own or interact with one in a recreational capacity again. Kill yourself.


Yours,

Hot Cancer.






There, was that the reaction you wanted?
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ZOOLANDER
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PostSubject: Re: I want someone to snark my work.   Wed Mar 20, 2013 10:18 pm

grmblfjx wrote:
xerrofoot wrote:
Summercorn wrote:
[The only person here willing to give your stupid attention whoring post the time of day, and you are patronizing enough to correct her post, which you asked for, in red, mostly for fucking typos]

blah blah blah blah I can't tell the difference between helpful correction and being an ingrate

I don't see Summercorn complaining. Pull your head in, you cranky old biddy.
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I want someone to snark my work.
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