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 F.A.T.A.L.

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WD40
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Fri Dec 28, 2012 4:12 pm

Reepicheep-chan wrote:
Cyberwulf wrote:
if you stripped out all the rape, misogyny, racism, and completely superfluous crap like anal circumference and GM-approved racial slurs this might MIGHT be vaguely playable
The actual game mechanics would need a complete revamp, though. They are totaly broken on a very basic level.

But yeah, a less terribad game that had fart rolls and urination skills could fall under 'so bad its good' and be entertaining for a night, probably.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] Is basically this. The game is pretty much designed to be unplayable, so trying to make it work is half the fun. (As is designing your own skills - the base Unarmed Combat Skill is "Psycho Bruce Lee Shit")

There's also [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] which is surprisingly well-balanced and playable, considering that it's barely 30 pages and that it is designed to be a parody of RPGs.

As for Teribad games... I own a game called "World Tree" that I've been wanting to rage at for YEARS... This thread might just give me the push to do it...

[edit] Ooh! Violence has been releaed under Creative Commons, so I can legally link you to the PDF of it... And be cross that I paid £12 for the thing!

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Further - "Designer X" is Greg Costikyan one of the minds behind the Paranoia game series - If nothing else, check out
these comments he made on Violence's section on drugs...

Quote :
Just Say, Upon Careful Consideration of the Facts, Taking the Evident Pleasures to be Gained Thereby, Together with the Obvious Dangers and Legal Ramifications, I’ve Concluded That I’d Rather Not, If It’s All the Same to You—Although, Be My Guest, Indulge, It’s Really None of My (or the fucking state’s) Business.

Heh.

Some years ago, I worked on a supplement to Paranoia that included rules for drugs in the Paranoia universe.

Despite the fact that those drugs were entirely imaginary (and goofily so), the publisher started getting nervous
about the reaction of “the public” (or, actually, of certain asshole distributors who shall remain nameless), and wanted to pull the piece entirely. I made a counter-proposal; instead of deleting the article, I’d just go through it and change the word “drug” throughout to “marsupial.” And I’d give each of the drugs the name of a marsupial (koala, kangaroo, and so on). Then, we could have little computer monitors sprinkled through the text saying things like “Hey, kid... Wanna score some marsupials?”

I thought this was kind of funny, but the publisher had an attack of common sense, and decided to run the piece as is, sticking a thing at the front saying “We Don’t Condone the Use of Drugs.” Well, shit. This product isn’t supposed to be sold to kids anyway. And I mean, we got rules for cutting people’s heads off with circular saws, torture, and violent rape. I mean given that, you’re gonna get hot under the collar about discussion of illegal recreational pharmaceuticals?
Still, I suppose some sort of comment is due here.

What Is The Designer’s Attitude Toward Drugs?

1. They can be fun.
2. Most of them are fucking illegal, and you really don’t want to spend the next several years in the Big House as the homosexual fuckslave of a large, tattooed gentleman named Bruno.
3. No, the police have no sense of humor about this.
4. Most illegal drugs are addictive to a greater or lesser degree. Being addicted to an expensive, highly illegal substance with deleterious health effects does not strike me as desirable.
5. By and large, it isn’t fucking worth it. Stick with alcohol. It’s quite as dangerous, and as pleasurable, as any other drug I’ve tried, and it has the great advantage of being legal, reasonably cheap, and readily available.
6. Plus, it hasn’t been cut with boric acid, and you’re not going to catch a dose of AIDS from a dirty pint glass.
7. No, I’m not going to say “Just Say No.” Educate yourself and make an informed decision.

Yes, Violence has a section on rape - and the gay prison rape gag up there is kinda indicative of the games mindset. Yes you can get all PC and uptight about it but the game is designed to offend and that is that...

For reference, here's what Violence has to say about rape.

Quote :
Fucking

Okay, so let’s think about this. What kind of sex are we talking about? We sure as hell aren’t talking about romantic tumbles on the beach or amid satin sheets, photographed through a gel lens to give it all that warm, fuzzy, erotic look. We’re talking about characters who are degraded, abusive monsters. So we’re talking about rape. Sexual enslavement. Erotic torture. It’s an ugly picture. Indeed, the image of a bunch of overweight, undersexed, unbathed gamers sitting around, drooling while they tell themselves what they’re doing to the ‘bitch’ is equally repulsive. Homoerotic, in a way, yes? Getting each other hot and bothered while imagining some poor woman being tortured and raped. I’m not at all sure I want to encourage this kind of crap. Actually, I’m absolutely positive that I don’t. But then we’re supposed to be wallowing in the muck, aren’t we? Catering to these repulsive adolescent fantasies. If we must, we must.

The guy managed to predict FATAL, ironically, by about 5 years...
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cristina_chavia
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sat Dec 29, 2012 5:40 am

I am intrigued by the free CD ROM. What are we missing out on?
Can we even review with only partial source?

Woah. Have you seen the phobia section? 600 phobia. 600. That is, he clearly found a list of every obscure phobia and listed them all. Because they would all be relevant in the setting, right?

Fear of garlic...hmm. Fear of sexual abuse. Probably quite relevant in this game.
Fear of body smells. Just had to get that one in. And entirely relevant as everyone at this time would go to spas at least weekly.
Fear of standing. Makes quests tricky.
Oh, hang on. There are only 470. The rest are re-rolls. Cop out, much?

Oh my. The ingredients section. First, a redundant list telling you that ALL sacrificial animals must be tied or chained to a stone altar. And they will die after they are killed. Good to know. People of all different temperaments / humours will also die. That yellow bile not helping you now, is it?

Wow. You can also sacrifice a "retarded victim".

A severed manhood can be reused for a week. It's the gift that keeps on giving.

Then...

Quote :
A sacrificial human or elven maiden with large breasts, long hair, and a thin waist, and with fresh semen implanted and seeping from 3 of her orifices must be tied or chained to a stone altar.

Little bit specific, there. There's also normal type things like feathers and then we get to "semen of seamen" lololol and "a bowl that is full and overflowing with jism". Niiiice.

This sounds like a game I'd want to play.
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sat Dec 29, 2012 6:29 am

Reepicheep-chan wrote:
Cyberwulf wrote:
if you stripped out all the rape, misogyny, racism, and completely superfluous crap like anal circumference and GM-approved racial slurs this might MIGHT be vaguely playable
The actual game mechanics would need a complete revamp, though. They are totaly broken on a very basic level.

But yeah, a less terribad game that had fart rolls and urination skills could fall under 'so bad its good' and be entertaining for a night, probably.
It does sound like it could be amusing if I was in a very silly mood... or drunk. Of course, if I was in that kind of mood I would have even less patience for all the dice rolling than I do now, and I definitely wouldn't be interested in the "realism". I guess one problem with the game (you know, besides all the rape and racism and sexism and idiotic game play) is that the creators of this game never realized that you can't have a "sophisticated" game filled with toilet humor.

cristina_chavia wrote:
Woah. Have you seen the phobia section? 600 phobia. 600. That is, he clearly found a list of every obscure phobia and listed them all. Because they would all be relevant in the setting, right?

Fear of garlic...hmm. Fear of sexual abuse. Probably quite relevant in this game.
Does it count as a phobia when it's a danger that's likely going to happen? I don't know if a phobia necessarily have to be irrational, but that's what it makes me think of and they describe it as such in the book. Oh look, "fear of men" is listed twice. Rolling Eyes I don't see any fears for farting, though... guess there's no phobia for that, which I'm sure must have been very disappointing. They got at least one for feces, so at least there's that.
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Thu Jan 17, 2013 10:50 pm

I kinda want to play this while drunk and with all my female friends. I mean hey, we're all gonna be 60% weaker than men, we might as well stay home and have fun.
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Maximilia
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sun Feb 03, 2013 2:58 am

And now is the time for the section of this game called "How Big is Baby's Butt?" (line stolen from Something Awful... too good to pass up. Plus, it's true. Blech.) I'm sure none of you guys have been holding your breath waiting for me to continue this review, but continue I shall! I don't know. It's taken me a while to get back into it, so I think part of my brain was like, "You know which part is next? It's the anal circumference chart" and thus, repressing the game for a while.

We left our kobold in the throes of not knowing how big her ass, tits, and vajayjay are. OH NOES! These are vital gaming stats! We must rectify this immediately!

We begin on page 50, with Areola Diameter.


I should be reviewing this at home so I could be drinking.

I roll a 64, so her nipples are 1" in diameter. Another roll of 28% shows they are light in color, and do not add or subtract from body attractiveness. Wait, what? The color of your nipples affects how attractive your body is? Nipples... And wow, only for females, and double wow, dark color subtracts, and so does not being able to identify the color. WTF. How could you not identify if your nipples are light, medium, or dark in color? What the effin' eff?!

Sigh. Next is cup size. The helpful text tells us that "cup size" is relative to race. Man, I wouldn't want to know how big EE breasts are on an ogre. Holy crap. Those things would be like dual wielding maces! Now, if I remember correctly, I think we had some modifiers to that, because our kobold is a fatty (JUST BARELY, I might add, but it doesn't take in effect an extra roll as compared to Jabba the Hutt. Fat is fat is fat... oh, god, how I hate this game and it's pretend hyper realism). AND our chest was our most attractive feature, so we add 9 points to the roll. In total, we add 34 points (+25 for being fat), and... I roll an 8%. 8+34 = 42% or... a perky size B. Huh.

Next is... wait, what? NIPPLE LENGTH. Yup, that's right, how far do us ladies nip out? Yeah... but first, we have to roll to see if they are inverted. A 32% says they are not. Now, to determine maximum erect length...

I really want a drink. I am saying these words together seriously. As in I'm not joking. That's... I need a drink.

Determine maximum erect length, which may add to a female's body attractiveness. We roll: a 30%, which means our nips stick out up to 1/4" in length, and gives us a -1d4 (rolled a 2) on our body attractiveness. *sigh*

Next is Vaginal Circumference Potential! And I have to quote this to you guys.

Quote :
Should any vagine be stretched beyond the limit as determined by the table below, which differs from woman to woman, the orifice will rip to accommodate the incoming object.

Ok, just the THOUGHT of that makes me cross my legs and wish a horrible firey ant death on the writer of this book. And there's a chart! (Of course there's a chart) This chart adds modifiers to the roll.

Quote :
-95 Age, Infant
-85 Age, Child
-25 Age, Puberty
+10 Age, Middle Age
+5 Age, Old Age
+5 Age, Venerable
+6 - +26 (1d20 +5) Mother
+11 - +31 (1d20 +10) Nymphomaniac
+1 - +20 (1d20 if unsure) Slut

Well... uhm... ok. Am I a mother? We haven't rolled that yet. How old am I? Don't know that either. Am I a slut? It even says "1d20 if unsure". Well, yes I'm unsure! We haven't rolled that yeeeeeet!

The chart below that about makes my eyes pop out. It's rated first by if you can fit one finger (from an equivalent species) in, or two, then three, THEN a normal manhood, then a thick manhood... oh, christ, let's roll and get it over with. 29%, which falls into the "normal manhood" range, or 5-6" in circumference. OUR VAGINA IS 5.5" IN CIRCUMFERENCE! This is VITAL information!!

The next part actually made me physically ill. No, I didn't ralph, but I felt nauseous. Let me quote, and this is for "Vagina depth potential".

Quote :
No object may be fully inserted into a vagina if it is longer than a female's Vagina Depth Potential. In such extreme situations, internal damage may occur, though it is best left to the Aedile.



Boy, it makes me want to play a game where I might take fucking damage from vaginal inserts.

To make the math short, our kobold's vaginal depth is 6.75".

Blah. I just... blah. I will finish out the rolling of the charts, and then Max can't take any more of this sick shit today. Next, we have something relatively tame, tongue size! Who knows? Maybe this will apply to the game or something, you know.. using your tongue to pick up a dropped lockpick? Worked for Storm in X-Men! A roll comes up with 84% which is 2.5" long, or able to touch the tip of your nose.

The next part had me going WTF... which is the Anal Circumference Potential! What had me wtfing was that men have a +5 to this roll... Men have bigger assholes! Ok, so that really did crack me up, and I"m giggling now writing this. Oh, boy. The silly chart for age and whatnot is there, and we roll.... 35% or 5-6"! Yay for being completely average!

So, there's that section. It will start up again with the header "Ripped Orifice"! So, same bat channel, some wacky bat time, next time!
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sun Feb 03, 2013 3:49 am

Maximilia wrote:
Boy, it makes me want to play a game where I might take fucking damage from vaginal inserts.
Yeahh, I think I prefer the tardis-vagina that can somehow take everything over realistic vaginal tearing. Upset
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sun Feb 03, 2013 11:22 am

Nothing like being raped by the DM's monster and having to roll five billion times to figure out if you get torn up inside or not.
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Maximilia
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Thu Feb 21, 2013 1:20 am

And we're back again. We're on page 53, for those of you following at home: "Ripped Orifice"! How very exciting!

Actually, not. I just read the paragraph as a whole, and I felt my stomach flip over. Yeah, I remember why I have to take breaks inbetween these reviews now. Let me share my misery with you folks!

Quote :
Should a vagina or anus stretch to accommodate the entry of an object that exceeds the Vaginal or Anal Circumference Potential, damage may result to the individual due to a Ripped Orifice.

It's so nice that Damage to People is given Capital Letters, because obviously, it is Very Important.

Quote :
A vagina or anus that is stretched to twice its limit results in the necessity of a health check at TH20. If this check fails, then death occurs. If successful for a female character, then the skin between the vagina and anus rips and the 2 orifices effectively become 1.
The content is terrible, but man, I just can't get over them using numerals instead of the number written out longhand. I think I'm focusing on that to ignore the content. Think of the grammatical errors! Think of the grammatical errors!

Quote :
If successful for a male character, then the skin rips into the scrotum.
I don't know about you guys, but if that's a successful roll, for a man or a woman, then let me fail it and just die, kkthxbai.

The next header is ridiculous: Hymen Resistance. Viva la Resistance!

Quote :
A hymen is a membrane that, when broken, is used to indicate that a woman is no longer a virgin.
I love how they use that in the negative. Instead of saying that the presence of a hymen is traditionally used to indicate virginity, they say that the absence of it equals someone who isn't. And then they go into rules for breaking a hymen! They are optional, though, which is rather amazing in this game.

Quote :
Each player of a female character may, at their option, determine the Hymen Resistance of the character by rolling 5d20. A 100 means she was born without a hymen. every time a male insert his Manhood into a female with an intact hymen, he must roll 1d100 to see if it breaks, and it may only break once. He must divide Manhood Circumference by Vaginal Circumference Potential and multiply the quotient by 100. Apply this modifier to the roll.
Really, game, really? Really? Rules for breaking a hymen? Oh, and there are rules for pregnancy too! But it's not just "Roll 1d100 and there's a 25% chance of preggers". Nooo... in this totally realistic game, it's much more complicated!

Quote :
At best, a fertile woman has less than a 1% chance of becoming pregnant by a fertile man with a high sperm count per completed intercourse. First, the male must make a Sperm Count (or load size) check by rolling 1d100. Average loads contain 200 million sperm. If he rolls 20 or less (80 million sperm or less), then his Sperm Count was insufficient for impregnation. Every ejaculation within a 24 hour period incurs cumulative penalties of -30 to Sperm Count checks. next, if he had a sufficient Sperm Count, she must roll 1d100. Results greater than 1% indicate that she was not impregnated.
Yeeaaaah. If this were how pregnancy really was calculated, birth control would not needed to have been invented... because pregnancy would be a rare, rare thing.

Shit. I'm not even done with the first half of this page yet. Oh, wait, I am, yay! But the second half of the page is MENSTRUATION!

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Quote :
If pregnancy does not occur, smelly blood may flow from the lining of the uterus, seeping out of the vagina.
Well, excuse me for menstruating! Some author, I'm not naming names here, definitely didn't earn his red wings.

Quote :
The (1d6 + 2) days that menstruation lasts is called the menstrual period, though colloquially it is known as the rage, since women secure rags on their crotch to catch the blood and prevent it from running down their legs.
It just fascinates me that the author has to explain this.

I could go on more about the menstruation part, but seriously, this is all on one page, guys. I have to move on! There's a small chart for Infant Mortality Rate, and then we are on page 54, finally: MANHOOD!

Obviously, since our kobold here is female, she is... HEY WAIT. Why wasn't there a chart for being a hermaphrodite? Or maybe someone who was asexual? Or people with extra x or y chromosomes, HUH? PFFT. "Realistic" and "historically accurate" MY ASS. Anyway, this is all about how big a guy's penis is. Hur-rah.

Quote :
The Manhood of a male character is his penis.
I thought it was his big toe!

Quote :
Most males consider their Manhood to be their most treasured possession.
"I woke up one morning, and my penis was missing again. This happens all the time."

Quote :
Manhood is important for sexual intercourse,
"This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it at home when I think it's going to get me in trouble, or I can rent it out when I don't need it."

Quote :
because usually, size matters.
"I really don't like being without my penis for too long. It makes me feel like less of a man and I really hate having to sit down every time to take a leak."

Oh, and then it goes into female preferences for penises, and a "Manhood that is short but extremely thick is known as a chode", but that's the only type of penis that has a name. Let's say one that is extremely thin, but very long is a "Unicorn" and one that is average in length and width is a "one eyed trouser snake". FINALLY, because what is a RPG without numbers, we get to how to figure out how big your penis is.

Quote :
Length: The height (or length) of the character (or creature) in feet is converted directly to inches (6' = 6"; 5'10" =5.83"). This is the Base Length of his Manhood. Then roll 10d100, divide the sum by 5, and subtract 1 from the total [(10d100 /5) -1]. Consult the table below.

The resultant percentage is applied to the Base Length of the character's Manhood, determining the actuallength. For instance, a manhood roll of 115 indicates a Size Modifier of +28%. If the character were 6' tall, then the length of his Manhood would not be 7.68 inches (28% of 6 =1.68; so 6 + 1.68).
You know, whatever happened to roleplaying and just saying, "Hey, my dick is seven inches long"? I can't believe I just typed all of this out. I ... I am just wondering how long it took them to come up with this formula for figuring out dick size, and if they applied to themselves and figured out what they must have rolled to... No, not going there.

Quote :
Note that this is the shortest measureable length ... and constitutes all that a female may take from a missionary position. However, if the female were to mount the Manhood from above while facing her partner and leaning back, she would actually take 1.15 times the Base Length, accounting for the Remainder. For instance, with a Base Length of 6 inches, with experimentation, it is possible for the female to enjoy 6.9 inches, depending on the angle.
On behalf of all womanhood, WOW GEE THANK YOU SO MUCH.

After that, we are done with sexual features, woooo! Next on to "Rare Features"! this turns out to be fucking FOOT SIZE and FIST CIRCUMFERENCE. Call me silly, but I would think that those two have more to do with roleplaying or combat stats than fucking vaginal circumference and how hard it is to break a woman's hymen. Bunch of bullshit charts... and oh, Handedness. You roll a 1d100 to see if you are right or left handed. No ambidexterity, but you can pick that up as a skill. Rolling a d100, we get a 56% and right handed. Next is head circumference, which is important if you are choosing a fedora. Well, hmm. Roll a 1d100 and consult a chart. Easy enough... 98% damn! For females, multiply this by 0.97 and we come up with... 23.4 inches. Why is this important? I don't know.

And the last page of this chapter... wait. What? Really? I made it through another chapter? Holy shit! Oh, wait, no. Just an odd page with half of it empty. The formatting in this really needs some work. Anyway, this next section deals with Pregnancy.

Quote :
Pregnancy occurs when a sperm of a male fertilizes an egg of a female.
I was going to make a rape joke here, and I just couldn't. Just. Couldn't.

But I will observe, as I did before, how fucking everything needs to be spelled out. Every last little detail. I shudder to think that this game might be how some teen kids learn about sex. O.O

It goes off about the different symptoms women can get, and how long they last (all randomly determined of course) and how there is a 15% chance of a miscarriage (well, I guess it's being "historically accurate" here), and then this:

Quote :
If the pregnant woman is middle-aged, then there is a 30% chance of producing an offspring who is less than ideal.
Wat? There might be higher chances of complications in the pregnancy because this is supposedly the medieval time period, but of offspring which is less than ideal? Uh. No. And your damn chart underneath this goes off into complications, you stupid author fuckwad!

And the last insult for the page:

Quote :
Pregnant females experience a decrease in Bodily Attractiveness equal to 1d20. This decrease is in full effect immediately before childbirth, and the effect increases from 0 to the full effect proportionate to the length of the pregnancy. Although in some sense a pregnant female is 'beautiful', her Bodily Attractiveness is affected negatively.
Imma gonna go ahead and list the author under "Dudes Who Will Never Get Laid", and also "Dudes who Know Nothing About Woman and Don't Care to Ask".

Well, I think I got through a four whole pages this time. When we pick up next time, it will be for Allergies, Intoxication, and Disease, woo hoo!

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Reepicheep-chan
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Thu Feb 21, 2013 9:51 am

Quote :
Although in some sense a pregnant female is 'beautiful', her Bodily Attractiveness is affected negatively.
You know is SOME sense I GUESS. Pssssh, whatever, man.
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Thu Feb 21, 2013 10:37 am

Reepicheep-chan wrote:
Quote :
Although in some sense a pregnant female is 'beautiful', her Bodily Attractiveness is affected negatively.
You know is SOME sense I GUESS. Pssssh, whatever, man.
"""Beautiful"""
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Wed Feb 27, 2013 11:53 pm

And we're back for another segment of FATAL!

When we last left off, we were going to go through allergies and intoxication, woo hoo! Except, it's boring, and stupid, like everything in this book that isn't wtf worthy.

Quote :
If a character's Health sub-ability is not high enough, then the character has at least 1 allergy (see Chap. 3: Abilities). Allergies are exaggerated and sometimes harmful reactions to external substances.

*pinches the bridge of her nose* Within two sentences, book? Yes, well, overlooking the using of the numeral within a sentence once again (which for some reason just bugs the hell out of me), we haven't even gotten to chapter 3 yet, and there are yet more modifiers that need to be determined by abilities we haven't even rolled yet! Not only that, but 'exaggerated' reactions? That's... so accurate, book.

They have a chart! (I'm so not surprised) Roll 1d8 to figure out your allergy, which is split evenly between asthma, bee stings, mammals, dust, eggs, hay fever, milk, and wasp stings.

Who wants to break it to them that asthma isn't an allergy?

Moving on to page 59, we are confronted with a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE chart which makes no sense to me at all. Why? It's not explained in the text before the damn chart! It just says 'Below are the 3 main forms of intoxication and their effects on the body.' That's it. Later on (on the next page) it informs us that the "B I V" on the top of the HUUUGE chart means "Buzzing Intoxication Vomiting" but I prefer to think of it as the last part of the mnemonic "Roy G. Biv" and thus it means "Blue Indigo Violet". Much prettier that way.

Basically, I think this game is just throwing numbers at people until they stop reading. As we continue onward, it appears that this tells us the results from drinking and all the negative modifiers while drunk and suchlike. You guys read this and see if you can figure it out.

Quote :
A check must be made on the table below with 3d10 every time a character drinks as much per hours as indicated by the table on the previous page, though the modifier from the sub-ability Health for Intoxication is applied to the TH obtained below. Note that the highest the TH may be adjusted is 24 and the lowest is 11.

Actually, in typing that out, I figured out how it worked. Please shoot me; this game is beginning to make sense.

Next we go to Intoxication by Marijuana. Which, ok, I'm all for drugs and people getting high in games, but did medieval peasants smoke ganga? And aaaah, god! Another table! I do lol at this table though, at the first column, last row: "Inhalations per hour: 128" Hehe.

Page 62 finds us with rules on shroom trippin'. I think I need to be stoned to read and understand all of these words. Like, I understand them individually, but when put together it's just gobbledegook.

Quote :
To determine whether or not bad effects occur, each time mushrooms are used, the number of caps and stems that were ingested must be considered. Consider 1 Trip Point (TP) to equal 1 stem, while 1 cap equals 3 TP (Tee hee hee, they said TP). Now, sum the TP's and make a Health sub-ability check. If the result rolled is equal to or less than the number of TP's (saying TP over and over again just doesn't get any less funny to me), then a bad trip occurs. However, if the number rolled is less than the TP's by at least 25, then the character never returns to sobriety, feeling the effects of the psychedelic mushrooms for the remainder of their lifespan.

Fucking sign me up for those shrooms, man!

You know, I almost hope they get back to the raping part so I can wtf over it because all of this stuff is just boring as fucking hell. Next up, we have diseases, and they start out with Anthrax. "Now, we're anthrax and we take no shit, and we don't care for writing hits!" Followed up the by Bubonic Plague, which they have a very helpful chart for where the enlarged lymph nodes show up (groin: 1-33%, armpit: 34-66%, neck: 67-100%). Then cancer, chicken pox, etc etc... and wait. WAIT. I have a wtf moment. Every other disease here has like a paragraph of text describing it, but Diabetes Insipidus has this:

Quote :
This is a disease that causes excessive urination and intense thirst.

WELL THANKS FOR THAT, FUCKWAD AUTHOR! That was so descriptive and helpful!

Also, LOL, they have an entry for Tourette's Syndrome, and an accompanying picture. A beautiful woman is cursing a dog shouting out, "Cunnus! Perite! Canis! Nothus!" LOL swearing at a dog by calling it "DOG!" I laugh at your silliness, book.

They have a handy chart to determine diseases randomly! Of course they do. I just wonder why they have contagious and hereditary diseases on the same chart and oh fuck, why do I ask these questions? I am looking for sense, and sense is not to be made in this book.

OH SHIT. And FINALLY we're done with Chapter 2! Next time, Chapter 3, Abilities! HURRAY! Now maybe we can fucking roll some abilities to go with all these modifiers we have.
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Thu Feb 28, 2013 1:40 am

Back again! The last bit was so short (I wasn't about to go through and hit all of the diseases and suchlike unless something loltastic presented itself to me), I decided to continue on. Since we're on Chapter 3 (Yay!), I decided to make it a new post to go with a new chapter. For those of you who are following along in the book, we are on page 68. Out of over 900. I'm drinking, but it's not alcohol. Dammit.

Abilities in games are pretty self explanatory. They are the base statistics of your character. I very grudgingly admit that there is a certain interest in how they split up the abilities, with main ones and subabilities, but it just seems awkward. Why not just have the main abilities do all the things the sub-abilities do? However, now we are FINALLY able to start rolling our character's stats! Are you excited? No? Well, neither am I!

Quote :
There are 5 core abilities (Physique, Charisma, Dexterity, Intelligence, and Wisdom), each with 4 sub-abilities. To determine a character's abilities, begin by calculating each of the 20 sub-abilities. Sub-abilities must e rolled in order and the order cannot be altered. For each sub-ability, roll 10d100, divide the sum by 5, subtract 1 from the result, and truncate the remainder. This creates a range of 1-199 for all sub-abilities and the average of each sub-ability is 100. It may be easier to look at the formula:

(10d100 / 5 ) - 1

Then, simply average each group of 4 sub-abilities to determine the core ability.

What ever happened to roll 3d6 and add them together?

When I need a math degree to play a game, it's time to quit gaming.

Alright, so basically, we roll that ridiculous formula twenty mother fucking times, and then average them out in groups of four, but after adding in any modifiers we may have from the earlier chapter, and then putting in aging effects.

We'll do it little bit by little bit. First up is Physique. And I really hate to give this guy any praise at all, but it's interesting how they split up being physically fit with being healthy, because no, they aren't the same thing. Also in this ability is "bodily attractiveness", which while I may make fun of it, because it is a bit on the funny side, it's an interesting idea because people are often attracted to a person's body but not facial characteristics and vice versa. So, it's a BIT interesting. Slightly. Very slightly.

I will spare you all the rolling details, but here is what our kobold ended up with (I was assuming that the 30% and 3% and suchlike is off the base rolled number. It never says (thanks for the help, book!) so that's what I assumed and did, dropping any non whole integer without rounding):

Physical Fitness: 97 - 4 (5% for being female) = 93
Strength: 94 - 40 (kobold) - 28 (30% for being female) + 3 (being overweight) = 29
Bodily Attractiveness: 103 - 15 (kobold) + 3 (3% for being female) - 11 (being overweight) + 1 (for our perky cup-sized B boobies) - 2 (for our nipples being long and pointy) - 3 (for a slightly low average Physical Fitness score) = 76
Health: 116
Physique: 79

Shit, are you confused yet, because I just fucking lost myself. Also, a 29 for strength?! WTF. Let's look that up and see what that means for us... We can bench press 29 pounds, WOO. I am so thinking these guys have never met a real woman in their lives. Granted, we are kobolds, but still. Damn. I mean, damn. The chart I found that on is on page 77 for those following along at home. Let's hope our kobold is better at other things!

Next is Charisma, with its four sub-abilities: Facial, Vocal, Kinetic, and Rhetorical. Facial is how pretty your face is, Vocal how nice your voice sounds, Kinetic how pleasing you move (dancing? Like a CAT? Who knows), and Rhetorical is 'the art of persuasion, this sub-ability of Charisma is concerned with the potential to seem credible, to make one's ideas or suggestions seem appealing by soliciting emotions. Huh. Ok. Also, I note that I giggle every time I say 'facial'. I shouldn't, but this game puts my head in the gutter, and, well. So, let's roll.

Facial: 113 - 15 (being a kobold) + 14 (for our BEAUTIFUL LONG CURLY LOCKS OF BROWN HAIR) - 3 (for the bags under our eyes) + 3 (3% for being female) = 112
Vocal: 111 - 15 (being a kobold, wow being a kobold so far sucks ass) - 7 (for our Weezy voice) = 89
Kinetic: 94 + 15 (being a kobold) = 109
Rhetorical: 72 (ouch) - 10 (being a kobold) = 62
Charisma: 93

Boy, being a kobold sucks so far! But at least we move in mysterious and appealing ways? And our long light brown curly waves of hair makes us pretty.



I will also quote this here:

Quote :
Although Facial Charisma is an ability because it is a capacity for attractiveness determined before birth, it may be enhanced cosmetically or with a hairstyle that complements features (see Barber in Cap. 7: Occupation and Hairstyling in Chap. 8: Skills).

They're kidding us, right? Because the thought of playing a barber in a rpg, seriously like gaining experience cutting people's hair, just threw me into a fit of the giggles.

"Ragnar! What do you do?"
"I cut his bangs!"
"Quick! Make a Hairstyling roll, modified by... what scissors are you using?"
"I have my +3 Hair Shears of the Elf! It both thickens and lightens hair as it cuts."
(and rae added on this)
"What do you do to the ogre, Ragnar?"
"Well, first I trim all those terrrrrible split ends..."

Penguin wrote:
"What do you do?"
"I'm a barber."
"What, that's it?"
"All right motherfucker, just LOOK AT MY MASSIVE COCK"
"Oh damn I guess you win the game"

rae wrote:
hahahahaha
"For every foot of hair I cut, my cock gets harder, stronger, and longer. Go on. Laugh one more time."
"LOL UR A BARBER"
*impales with massive swordcock*
cuz that makes just as much sense as FATAL

Oho! Also check this shit out:

Quote :
[Kinetic Charisma] is important particularly in Dance, Massage, and Sexual Adeptness.

We are gonna rock the cock, yo!

I can't believe I just said that.



Moving on! Dexterity! As the others, dexterity is split up into four sub-abilities: Hand-Eye Coordination, Agility, Reaction Speed, and Enunciation. Wha? Enunciation? Is tongue dexterity going to be valuable for the Cunnilingus skill later on... er, that might actually be a skill. A quick read says no, but it does affect Spitting and Ventriloquism. Le sigh.

Hand-Eye Coordination: 65 + 15 (being a kobold) = 80
Agility: 106 + 15 (being a kobold) = 121
Reaction Speed: 105 + 15 (being a kobold) = 120
Enunciation: 100 + 15 (being a kobold) = 115
Dexterity: 109

Ah, I see. Kobolds are supposed to be fast little guys then. Hrm. How exactly do they enslave humans? Ah, well, who knows, who cares, right?

Next up is Intelligence, split up into the following sub-abilities: Language, Math, Analytic, Spatial. I do agree with splitting some of this up, but like, again, why not just put it under intelligence? I mean who cares? It's a GAME. This is more real than real life man. Jebus.

Language: 90 - 10 (being a kobold) + 1 (2% being female, THANKS AUTHOR! WOW WE WOMEN REALLY NEEDED THAT!) = 81
Math: 80 - 2 (3% being a woman) = 78
Analytic: 87 - 10 (being a kobold) = 77
Spatial: 87 + 15 (being a kobold) - 2 (3% being a woman) = 99
Intelligence: 83

Blah, blah, description is boring here and to the point, so we'll move on to Wisdom. Wisdom is split into the following sub-abilities: Drive, Intuition, Common Sense, Reflection. While it's clunky and whatnot, the ability system at least makes some sense, to a degree. It's just clunky and boring, and GOOD GOD WHY DO WE ROLL SO MANY FUCKING DICE?! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF--

Drive: 109 -15 (being a kobold) - 2 (2% for being a woman, because we're just content to sit at home and make babies, yo) = 92
Intuition: 113 + 5 (5% for being a woman) = 118
Common Sense: (I'm rolling up stats for this game, so I don't have any. I mean...) 82
Reflection: 93 + 3 (4% for being a woman) = 96
Wisdom: 97

So, what does all that mean? It's sort of hard to tell, but they do provide a chart (of course!) on page 74 which is just a bell curve, figuring out where the average is. Big. Whoop. Of course, the scores in your abilities will affect your skills later on (naturally, the stronger you are, the more wood you can carry, right?) and sometimes the Aedile will call for an ability check. This is the example they give in the book, I shit you not:

Quote :
For instance, a slovenly chambermaid offers herself to a strapping young character if and only if he can expediently repeat a tongue-twister of her choice. (WAT) Drive by hormones (he rapes her), the young male agrees, and asks "What is the tongue-twister?" The chambermaid challenges "Huge hung hero hunks hastily hump horny heaving hot whores. How'bout it, huh?" To make an ability check, roll 3d10 and apply the Skill Modifier to the result. A 6 or less always represents failure or a fumble. This number may be compared with a difficulty threshold (TH) determined by the Aedile or the roll of another player. In the example provided above regarding tongue-twisting, the Aedile may have secretly decided the TH to be 20. The player of the strapping young character tests his character's Enunciation sub-ability at the moment by rolling 3d10 and applying the Skill Modifier from Enunciation to the roll. He rolls an 11 and the Aedile tells him that he tried to say it faster than he was capable at the moment. To the dismay of the character, the chuckling chambermaid abandons him for a lad with a more nimble tongue.

I WAS SO RIGHT! IT DOES AFFECT THE CUNNILINGUS SKILL!

After that is PAGES upon PAGES of charts to describe what the different ability scores mean. It is practically never ending! It has some real world examples, so let us consult the numerous charts and get an idea of what it means for our kobold.

Physical Fitness: 93 - OH SHIT ANOTHER MODIFIER FOR BODY ATTRACTIVENESS, fucking book (-3)
Strength: 29 - Bench Press 29 lbs, dead lift 43 lbs. Woo.
Bodily Attractiveness: 79 - Oh, just a skill modifier, big whoop? Not going to compare us to People of Walmart then? Thanks?
Health: 116 - More life points and a 62% illness immunity, woo!
Facial: 112 - "Plain", wat? This was one of our scores above average, and we're still plain? FU, book!
Vocal: 89 - "Normal", just like 8 other categories! SO DESCRIPTIVE, BOOK!
Kinetic: 109 - "Ordinary"
Rhetorical: 62 - "average speech rate 120 or 240 (50%)"... wtf does that mean?? Let's roll...89%, so... does that mean we talk too fast? I guess so. Nice explanation, fuckwad author!
Hand-Eye Coordination: 80 - "Finger Precision" 1/16th of an inch. I snicker at the term "finger precision"
Agility: 121 - It only takes us 3 seconds to stand up, woo de hoo!
Reaction Speed: 120 - "Deep Sleep Recovery" of 2. 2 what? Minutes? Seconds? Hours? People you kill until you get your coffee?
Enunciation: 115 - -6% to spell cast time. Big damn whoop.
Language: 81 - "Vocabulary limit" is "substantial".
Math: 78 - Highest possible math is fractions, woot! I note here that at the VERY top of the chart the highest possible math is still only trigonometry. I can do calculus. I AM OFF THE CHARTS! *flex*
Analytic: 77 - No examples provided, boo.
Spatial: 99 - "Unfamiliar Object Assembly" is 200. Sooo... I can assemble up to 200 unfamiliar objects, but can't do 201? I have no idea what that means!
Drive: 92 - We have to spend 17 hours a day relaxing! Pass me the peeled grapes!
Intuition: 118 - Just a skill modifier, boo
Common Sense: 82 - Uh, no examples, but some of the examples here for scheming are funny. "Get caught for lesser schemes: Flirt, but then get their ass kicked." and for 127-134: "Probably has the trust of immediate family." So god damn! If your common sense is below 127, your own family doesn't trust you! Well, this is FATAL, so it's probably with good reason.
Reflection: 96 - And aw, our earliest memory is at age 3.

There's a handy dandy chart to see if WE R SMART or not, and consulting the chart and our intelligence, we are "slow" but evidently talk really fast. Huh. And OMG, really book?

Quote :
Retard Strength

Consult the former table entitled 'Intelligence Range' to determine if a character is retarded. For example, humans with Intelligence less than or equal to 70 are retarded. many aediles will simply tell the player to reroll the score, all abilities, or some may demand that the character is played despite the low score. If your character is retarded, consult your Aedile.

Any character who is retarded must roll 1d100 to see if they have Retard Strength. Next, consider 3 times the difference between the character's retarded Intelligence and the lowest Intelligence they could have to be 'Slow', and consider this to be the percentile chance of Retard Strength.

I really should not be surprised at any of the offensive things in here, but yet, it did surprise me. Man, I need a drink. However, almost a whole hundred pages through the book! I'm amazed I've lasted this long.
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Thu Feb 28, 2013 11:41 am

Hur hur womins is gud at talking but bad at maths.

I do agree that the attribute with sub-attributes thing is sort of neat, but executed in the worst possible way. The abilities are not really connected in any meaningful way and most of them are completely superfluous.

Also, IDK if you want to indicate someone has a way with words, as opposed to just being attractive, that could be a skill, right? I mean, being able to talk nicely is a skill in DnD and Shadowrun. For the purpose of game play it is not really necessary to make the distinction between natural ability to talk well and a trained ability to talk well, is it? Because that is the only purpose I can think of for defining something like that with your attributes rather than your skills.

ANOTHER THING: For all that this game has a huge hard-on for modifiers, stuff like language intelligence, rhetorical charisma, and enunciation dexterity do not seem to be related to each other! So you can have the enunciation of a gibbering idiot and the knowledge of language of a literal retard, but still have the rhetorical charisma to drop panties??


Last edited by Reepicheep-chan on Thu Feb 28, 2013 7:39 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : yeah yeah my in-browser spellcheck is a fucking crutch and i sound like a moron without it i know)
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Thu Feb 28, 2013 2:06 pm

Reepicheep-chan wrote:
ANOTHER THING: For all that this game has a huge hard-on for modifiers, stuff like language intellegence, rhetorical charisma, and enunciation dexterity do not seem to be related to each other! So you can have the enunciation of a gibbering idiot and the knowledge of language of a literal retard, but still have the rhetorical charisma to drop panties??
Short answer: Yes.

Long answer: The developer probably knew but didn't give a shit, about the fact that if you're playing as a male character you could very well be pants on head, underwear on the outside retarded yet somehow, SOMEHOW be able to get women into bed even if you're a gibbering fool with no reading comprehension or foresight further than 'lunch, breakfast, and dinner'.
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Thu Feb 28, 2013 3:28 pm

Reidmar wrote:
The developer probably knew but didn't give a shit (...) that if you're playing as a male character you could very well be pants on head, underwear on the outside retarded yet somehow, SOMEHOW be able to get women into bed

'Knew but didn't give a shit'? Created his dream world, more likely.
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Thu Feb 28, 2013 4:35 pm

grmblfjx wrote:
Reidmar wrote:
The developer probably knew but didn't give a shit (...) that if you're playing as a male character you could very well be pants on head, underwear on the outside retarded yet somehow, SOMEHOW be able to get women into bed

'Knew but didn't give a shit'? Created his dream world, more likely.
Maybe, but I refuse to believe someone could actually try to use ITL in this.
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Thu Feb 28, 2013 5:42 pm

Reepicheep-chan wrote:
For the prupose of game play
Lol gameplay? All the various skills are just there to make the game more *~*~realistic~*~*

(Seriously though, I agree it's kind of neat to have different skills like that, but there's a reason most games don't have a skill for every single thing.)
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Thu Feb 28, 2013 5:43 pm

Reepicheep-chan wrote:
Hur hur womins is gud at talking but bad at maths.

I do agree that the attribute with sub-attributes thing is sort of neat, but executed in the worst possible way. The abilities are not really connected in any meaningful way and most of them are completely superfluous.

Also, IDK if you want to indicate someone has a way with words, as opposed to just being attractive, that could be a skill, right? I mean, being able to talk nicely is a skill in DnD and Shadowrun. For the prupose of game play it is not really nessisary to make the distiction between natural ability to talk well and a trained ability to talk well, is it? Because that is the only purpose I can think of for defining something like that with your attributes rather than your skills.

ANOTHER THING: For all that this game has a huge hard-on for modifiers, stuff like language intellegence, rhetorical charisma, and enunciation dexterity do not seem to be related to each other! So you can have the enunciation of a gibbering idiot and the knowledge of language of a literal retard, but still have the rhetorical charisma to drop panties??

Basically... yes. The worst possible way, and the way of rolling is so clumsy. 10d100 divided by 5 subtract 1? WTF?? Evidently, in a previous edition, it was 4d100/2 - 1, which gave a way bigger range. I could tell right away once I got a dice roller that averaged rolls for me that it would be really uncommon to have any stat which would be above or below average without those modifiers. SO YAY WE GET TO BE AVERAGE!

Also, the "bodily attractiveness" stat has the most modifiers by far. You can tell what's important to these schmucks, as in that's all they were thinking about.
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Thu Feb 28, 2013 6:15 pm

So we have Retard Strength but no PMS Strength? What, the womens can't get that boost of anger once a month about being stuck in a world in which everyone wants to rape them and they have fucking cramps while the men whine about how it makes them 5% less hot?
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Thu Feb 28, 2013 7:41 pm

bleachedblackcat wrote:
5% less hot?
I have no idea why but I am laughing my damn ass of over here. Breaking down how hot or unhot any given thing makes a person into percentages is just such an absurd concept.
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Thu Feb 28, 2013 8:00 pm

That's why this game is so fucked up. Good job with this, I have no idea how you do the math either. It's ,making my head spin.
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sat Jun 15, 2013 10:40 pm

bleachedblackcat wrote:
So we have  Retard Strength but no PMS Strength? What, the womens can't get that boost of anger once a month about being stuck in a world in which everyone wants to rape them and they have fucking cramps while the men whine about how it makes them 5% less hot?

Ok, I can't believe I missed this, but I was laughing my ass off at the 'whining about how it makes them 5% less hot'.

Also, expect an update within a week (possibly tonight if work is slow!) since rae has convinced me to continue.
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sun Jun 16, 2013 4:53 am

Guess what time it is? Time for another chapter of FATAL! This chapter is in a word... boring. Yeah, I didn't expect it either. Unlike other times I have done a bit review, I didn't read ahead so I could record my honest reactions. This time, I thought that I would and try to think of some jokes... and the text was both insulting and boring. I didn't think I would come across anything that would make me wish for fur-lined vaginas and thunderfarts.

This is Chapter 4: Disposition. Instead of, oh I don't know, roleplaying out a role or a character, FATAL says, "Here's your randomly generated personality, including morals and ethics!" Then, the game goes into great lengths to describe ethics and morality to us.

Let that sink in a for a bit. FATAL tells us about ethics and morality.

They sum it up with ethics being concerned on how a character acts, and morality how a character feels. We'll simplify it even more for those people familiar with Dungeons & Dragons: ethics is lawful to chaotic (aka, do you follow the law or break it?) and morality is good to evil. What's really ridiculous is when you think about this how they present it... morality as feeeeeeeelings. They have an example in the book about a guy being invited to cheat on his wife. If he doesn't do it and doesn't regret it, he's Ethically Moral. If he doesn't do it, and regrets it, he's Ethically Immoral. If he does do it then regret it, Unethically Moral, and lastly, does it and doesn't regret he's Unethically Immoral. 

Basically, it's telling us that if (to keep in the flavor with the game here!) someone rapes another (or kills or maims or tortures or whatever), and then feels bad about it afterwards, they are MORAL PEOPLE. 


Quote :
Overall, a character's ethical and moral views create bounds for their actions and affect how a character feels about their actions. 


It's been a while since I added something to our running list, so let's do so now!


  • Lecturing their readers on a subject the author knows nothing about


Then, in an unrelated subject, we have to determine our character's "Piety Points" or PP, which I would actually rather have be toilet humor. How many PP you have determines how much you are devoted to your god, religion, or philosophy. You roll a 1d100, then add in modifiers, THEN consult a chart and add in MORE modifiers! I know you are all so surprised. Rolling our dice, we come up with a 45%. Let us add in our modifiers now! 

Er, well, hm. I guess we have to roll a 1d100 for each potential modifier to see if we actually modify the roll.... Ugh. Let's go down the list:

Age: Rolled Too High, so N/A
Bodily Attractiveness: N/A
Culture: We add in +2%
Drive: Add in our skill modifier for that, which is -3%
Facial Charisma: We Multiply the skill modifier by -1 and apply the result as an adjustment, or -6%
Health: Same as Facial Charisma, or -9%
Near-Death Experience: Uhm. So, it's plus or minus 1d8? It doesn't tell us how to determine that though, so we'll go high-low, and we end up with +5%
NDE with a White Light: Er, plus or minus 1d20... or +17%
Negative Event: N/A, thank god.

And that's it. Other things in there refer to a book that isn't (and hopefully never will be) published called "Neveria". All in all we add +6% to our roll and get a 51%! We are 51% pious!! I think. Or wait, we have 51 PP for... something, and it means that we "worship intermittently, but may attend regularly." All of that for 'Yeah, we sometimes pray to god when we feel like it.'

Next we determine our Ethicality and Morality by rolling 1d100s! Because we are kobolds, we subtract 50 from our morality. Well, kobolds do enslave humans, and that's not very nice, and I guess they don't regret it either? Let's see what we come up with!

Ethicality: 73%
Morality: 30 - 50 = 0%

Consulting the chart, we find out that a 73% Ethicality is Neutral with Ethical leanings, and that 0% Morality is completely Immoral. So... in D&D terms, we are Lawful to Neutral Evil.

OH THANK CHRIST they let you reroll this if you want to!


Quote :
If a player expresses significant discontent, and should the Aedile agree, the Aedile may allow the player to reroll either the ethical or moral dimension of the disposition of their character. Each reroll results in the acquisition of 1 randomly determined allergy, whether the player is satisfied with the result or not. A player may reroll either ethicality or morality 4 times.


So let me get this straight... not only is our personality determined randomly, we randomly determine if we have "negative" experiences and near death experiences, whether we believe in god or not, and if we decide that we don't want to be completely evil or whatever, when we reroll our morals, it makes us weaker? Oh, OH, and that how good looking and how healthy you are affects if you believe in god in a negative manner? 

Yeah.... yeah. Alrighty then. The next part is a description of the 9 "alignments" and what they mean. Since we are Lawful Evil... er, Ethical Immoral, let's read that description!


Quote :
Barristers are clearly the best examples of EI; they are concerned less with objectivity and the law, and more with how the law may be either twisted to their advantage or pushed to the breaking point. The client, and finally their reputation and winning record, is more important than they or it should be. Demons who get characters to sign away their souls are EI by nature. Very few character are predominantly EI. 



*startles and blinks awake* Huh? What? Huh? Oh, sorry, I just woke up because this part is so FUCKING BORING. Not only that, but examples are taken practically from the Player's Handbook for D&D. Oh, but it goes on to describe the nitty gritty details of each various shade of possible disposition. 

The last nail in the coffin of my death by boredom comes from the inclusion of pie charts to break down of disposition by race, all in greyscale. With that, on page 109, I have to stop for the moment because now it's naptime.
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sun Jun 16, 2013 11:12 am

So you being moral is just like most of the 'good' people in religious stories that are getting published? You might have killed a thousand people, but you felt really, really bad after and found Jesus, so you wouldn't get punished in the afterlife! And if you made a little slip or two... well you felt bad!
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Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 44
Location : South Dakota

PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sat Jun 29, 2013 2:21 am

Now, for our second look at the morality and ethics system in FATAL.... *starts awake* Huh? What? Who? Ah, that's right, it's dead boring. I am actually going to skip the rest of this chapter here because they just keep describing to us what fuckwad author thinks is morals and ethics. I am amused though that the book tells me it hates me on page 121. Well, that feeling is mutual, sir!

The next chapter shows more promise to be more amusing, or at least I hope. It is Chapter 5: MIND! MIND! So, personality has nothing to do with a person's mind. Check! This chapter is concerned with 'temperament and mental illness' and oh my god are you shitting me, book? You are. You really are. So, all that random shit you rolled with morals and ethics has nothing to do with temperament, and not only that, temperament is determined medieval style, as in a person is sanguine, choleric, melancholic, or phlegmatic. QUICK! HIS HUMORS ARE UNBALANCED!

Now we roll 1d100% to see what the percentages for each category are, and ignore the lowest two, as obviously that won't have anything to do with forming our personality. This is what I got, with modifiers:

Sanguine: 100% - 25% (kobold) = 75%
Choleric: 33% + 25 % (kobold) = 58%
Melancholic: 6%
Phlegmatic: 43% + 25% (kobold) = 68%

Sooo... we're sanguine and phlegmatic. Oh my god, doing a quick read, our kobold is basically an extroverted introvert. Or a introverted extravert... this doesn't make any sense!!! Thankfully, they have helpful interpretations for each combination a little further down on page 129.

Quote :
On the outside, this character is a happy, emotional, expressive, and a joy to others. However, these characters are very selective of which emotions they show, and behind closed doors they are characterized as unenthusiastic. It is this contrast that causes others to consider their happiness to be fake.

Well GEE BOOK, do you think so?

It goes on to the mental illness section next, and each and every one of them are listed here. Oh, joy. If we rolled subpar on mental abilities, we would have to roll here but we didn't so we don't. That won't stop me from going through the diseases though. Here, let me see.... Abasiophilia.... yeah, regretting this decision already.

Quote :
Over a period of (5 + 1d100) months, the character experiences recurrent and intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving sexual attraction to lame or crippled partners. ... Whenever a character afflicted with abasiophilia sees a lame or cripple, they must pass a Drive check at TH 20 or engage in socially unacceptable behavior.

You're so funny, book! Like anyone in the FATAL world could tell what's "unacceptable" sexual behavior!

Next one is acrotomophilia, or attraction to amputated stumps. Yeah, this isn't going to get better, is it? Oh, and then we have Anorexia.

Quote :
This mental illness affects 1% of young women. Nearly 1-in-5 die of starvation. This condition is the intense fear of gaining weight or becoming obese.

Nearly one in five young women in the world starve! Which is funny cause I thought they were all being raped to death here, or eaten alive. Next is Antisocial Personality Disorder, and there's a long, accurate description there of that. Can't say I'm surprised there. After that is autoabasiopilia... which is the sexual attraction to your own crippleness, and oh god, people have to make drive checks to not amputate limbs and get off on it. *facepalm*

There's a lot of them listed, so I'll just list the more loltastic ones.

  • Choreomania: the intense obsession to dance
  • Eleutheromania: The recurrent and intense impulses to SEEK FREEDOM. Damn those pesky slaves anyway, always with the mental illnesses and wanting to be free.
  • Erotophonophilia: The urge to commit "lustful murder".
  • Narratophilia: The urge to use dirty or obscene words with a partner while having sex. Dirty Talk is insanity, yo.
  • Onomatomania: The urge to repeat a sound or a word. The Aedile must come up with their own way to randomly determine what sound or word... which is bullshit! Why not put yet another useless chart in this book?
  • Raptophilia: The urge to, you guessed it, commit rape. Pretty common in this world, I would think.


And so on, and so on. After that, there is a 1d1000 chart to randomly determine your mental illness. One to one thousand? Really, book? Really? One to one hundred was not good enough?

But, after that, we're up to chapter six and the end of this snark for now. I have noticed that it's getting harder and harder to make it funny, although I am certainly still trying! I end up shaking my head a lot at this going, "WHHHHHYYYYYYY????" and the other part of the time trying to stay awake, at least in the last couple of chapters. Probably an improvement for my enjoyment of this fine piece of literature, but it's not helping with keeping me awake at work while I write it up.
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