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 F.A.T.A.L.

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Maximilia
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PostSubject: F.A.T.A.L.   Sat Dec 22, 2012 5:56 am

What in the hell have I gotten myself into? F.A.T.A.L. (hereafter known as FATAL) is a RPG written by Byron Hall, some... dude. The acronym stands for "Fantasy Adventures To Adult Lechery", which should tell you a lot about this game already, with lechery being in the title and everything.

I came across this game while reading an old RPGNet thread on the "Creepiest Gamer Ever", and some guy told a story about how this one dude named Byron said casually, "Hey, let's go out and rape someone." (which to the poster's credit, they kicked him out and never talked to the creeper again, so yay there) Someone else asked in almost frantic typing "Was it Byron Hall? Was it?" This prompted someone to post a really kick ass and funny review about this horrible, horrible game. That review had the link to the free game, and so I went and looked at it.

It's 900 pages of solid crap. As I was telling some other WGWers, if I invented a game called "POOP!" where people rolled a d6 to see if they pooped, and on a one, they pooped on themselves, it would be about a zillion times better than FATAL. The rules are so convoluted and twisted a person can't make heads nor tails of them. The character creation has a random roll for everything. EVERYTHING. Including anal circumference. Why that's necessary? Well, because FATAL, being "completely and totally historically accurate", is completely filled with rape, misogyny, and homophobia, as well as a weird preoccupation with how much, how far, and how often people piss and shit. I don't think I can make it through the entire 900 pages. But hey, my night's been so weird and awful tonight, I thought I would snark something weird and awful! You can find the free .pdf of FATAL here.

The cover looks... interesting. I can see a lot of teenaged boys liking it, so, eh, not much to say about that. Credits on page 2, and page 3 is where the game description begins. (Hurray, I've made it to page 3!) From the introduction, we are assured that "Aside from these basic assumptions of fantasy, realism is sought in every other aspect and applied to these fantastic tenets as well". So, they are shooting for UBER REALISM! Because yeah, gamers love uber realism in games. I can attest to that when I watch Mythbusters and tell my players no, they can't blow up a car by shooting the gas tank, but I digress. Gamers game for the fantasy, not for realism.

The introduction then continues to tell us that they are shooting for medieval Europe, around 1335 AD. That's just fine, we have a time period to reference, this should be easy to keep things real! Other than the fantasy element, which I'm assuming means like elves and dwarves and other D&D standard issue things, like clerics and mages and using standard gold pieces (which really, a person could write a whole game about money changers and their trials and tribulations trying to figure out how much a particular bit of coin is actually worth, if it's fake, how much was shaved off, and the rate exchanges between different currencies... and that's the uber realism I'm expecting here. Haha. yeah, no.) We are again assured that the "application of historical accuracy to the fantasy of this game is a neverending goal", and they include an email address to send suggestions to.

Helpfully, they go into the "what is a role playing game?" segment which every RPG must have, to explain to newbies what a RPG is. I have to quote this in its entirety to you, so you can understand the "La dee da normal normal norm... WHAT THE BLEEDING CHRIST?!" (bolding mine)

Quote :
For instance, assume you are an adventuring knight who has just fought his way to the top of a dark tower where you find a comely young maiden chained to the wall. Some may choose to free the whimpering wench. Others may free her while hoping to win her heart. Instead of seeking affection, some may talk to her to see if they can collect a reward for her safe return. Then again, others may be more interested in negotiating freedom for fellatio. Some may think she has no room to bargain and take their fleshly pleasures by force. Others would rather kill her, dismember her young cadaver, and feast on her warm innards.

As you can see, the number of decisions one could make with one simple situation can quickly become overwhelming.

WAT.

No, seriously. WAT.

I think the best part of that is that it just continues on as normal. Just like... someone inserting random insanity to their daily speech, somewhat like this:

Quote :
"Hi Bob, how's it going?"

"Oh, not bad. You?"

"Pretty good! The kids have a basketball game today which I'm real excited about. I'm going to rip your face off and eat it. Oh, and my wife is getting a new car."

The book just goes on saying, "Oh, you'll need this, and this and this" in a typically normal way for RPG manuals. They are even aware of the gender bias, and have substituted "they, their, and theirs" for gender specific pronouns (he/she, etc) unless more specificity is needed. That one little courtesy is going to be the last we'll see when it comes to women in this game. Page five ends with a note on math, stating "Players will not need math more advanced than basic algebra".

...

If a game requires any algebra at all, I'm not playing. Hell, THACO was hard enough to figure out, and the Champions/HERO system has its own strange mathematics to master. Thankfully, that one line probably lost 98% of its readers right there, so they were not exposed to the rest of the game.

The game goes on to say that at least two people are needed, and that one must take on the role of the "Aedile" (EE-dial). Who is the dungeon master/story teller/game master. We can now add pretentiousness to the list of offenses. Should we keep a list? Let's!

  • Random insanity insertion (which also happens to be randomly (or not so randomly) misogynistic)
  • Pretentious title for the game master


Evidently, an Aedile was a Roman official in charge of games for the public. If it's the games I'm thinking of, then yes, it's strangely appropriate. However, it's not medieval at all, but rather, oh, ancient Roman empire.

Changing:

  • Pretentious title for the game master (which is also inappropriate for the historical "accuracy"-ness of the RPG)


Oh, god.



The system they use for the game? It's called MEAN. The MEAN system in the FATAL game. HUR HUR HUR. They don't tell use what the acronym stands for those. Aw.

So, then it goes on to say that the game is for adults only. This next part I almost had an apoplexy laughing:

Quote :
This game contains sex and sexual situations. Fatal Games consider sex to be a sensitive issue, and only includes it because of its prominence in the past as a significant part in human history.

Hahahaha! Yeah right!

Like sex has no bearing right now. NONE AT ALL. No! Sex was only used for HISTORY and for SRS BSNS HISTORICAL PURPOSES. With that warning, I'm sure they will treat sex as a....

Yeah, I can't even joke about it, really.

They include a warning about violence, which, ok. Fine. Warning us about all the fun stuff, sex, violence... AND THEIR MAGICAL LOVE BABY: RAPE. Yes, there's a warning flat out about rape in the book. At least they warn us. What's especially insulting is that the writers try to justify their inclusion of rape in the book because of, you guessed it, historical significance!

Quote :
Rape is not intended to be a core element of FATAL, as killing is a core element in most role-playing games. Fatal Games considers rape to be a sensitive issue, and only includes it because of its prominence in the past. For example, Europe was named for Europa, who was raped by Zeus, according to Greek mythology. In Jacques Rossiad's Medieval Prostitution, he reviews statistics on rape from numerous towns and cities in southeast France during economic and social stability, not war. ... In it, he estimates that half the male youth participate in at least one gang rape, and that sexual violence is an every day dimension of community life.

It's in a book so it's OK to roleplay rape, gaiz! JEEZ. BE MATURE. It's a part of society! It's a part of history!!

End the introduction.
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sat Dec 22, 2012 7:14 am

Oh yeah... This game...

... I say game...

I've got a copy somewhere on one of my old hard drives, I tried to run a game once to see just how bad it was...

We never got started.

...

What kind of person thinks: "I know what every RPG character creation system needs to make it more realistic: A Random vaginal circumference/depth table. I mean, how else can you have a realistic rape mechanic?"

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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sat Dec 22, 2012 11:09 am

WD40 wrote:
What kind of person thinks: "I know what every RPG character creation system needs to make it more realistic: A Random vaginal circumference/depth table. I mean, how else can you have a realistic rape mechanic?"

With FATAL you dread to ask if rape mechanic is part of the rules, or one of the character classes.
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sat Dec 22, 2012 11:26 am

KeyserSoze wrote:
WD40 wrote:
What kind of person thinks: "I know what every RPG character creation system needs to make it more realistic: A Random vaginal circumference/depth table. I mean, how else can you have a realistic rape mechanic?"

With FATAL you dread to ask if rape mechanic is part of the rules, or one of the character classes.

Holy shit. Bravo. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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Maximilia
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sat Dec 22, 2012 2:57 pm

I haven't even gotten to the insane parts yet, but it starts in the next chapter!
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sat Dec 22, 2012 3:23 pm

Is it bad that having never met this guy, I can totally picture his attitude?

"Right I'm going to make this uber-RPG that's totally OUT THERE and EDGY. And if anyone doesn't get it's because they're either too stupid or aren't mature enough to handle the ugly reality of the human condition that I present! Oh and women consider me repugnant and would rather have AIDS than even be in my presence."
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sat Dec 22, 2012 4:28 pm

OH GOD THE ANAL CIRCUMFERENCE POTENTIAL TABLE IS REAL

AND THEY INCLUDE TABLES FOR INFANTS AND CHILDREN

INFANTS

AND

CHILDREN


edit: if you need proof that this demented shitburger doesn't even know what a vagina is, here's what he has to say about menstruation:

Quote :
If pregnancy does not occur, smelly blood may flow from the lining of the uterus, seeping out of the vagina.

"smelly blood"

smelly.

blood.

for fuck's sake
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sat Dec 22, 2012 5:06 pm

Hahahahaha "smelly blood". My gosh, I do not remember that one.

Oh God, on page 35 there is a racial hatred table. It is just... every race down each side and a number from 1 to 5 representing the degree of hate. Almost every single fucking block is a 5.

The next page is dedicated to racial slurs. Oh and you can roll 3d10 at character creation to determine how racist your character is.

OH HAHA BUGBEARS CALL HUMANS "POOPLE."
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sat Dec 22, 2012 6:44 pm

I'm looking over the different races. Most of it is your usual bullshit. But then I see this on the anakim tables:

Quote :
The anakim causes babies to scream when present. If the anakim touches a screaming baby, then the baby is 75% likely to urinate, 50% likely to defecate, and 25% likely to vomit.

I am convinced this dude has a fetish. A SERIOUS fetish.

Then there is this little WTF gem when discussing just how much hill trolls like to eat brains:

Quote :
While tasting the limbic system, hill trolls will become erect or wet with sexual excitement as well.

As if there weren't enough terrible tropes in this shitpile...

Quote :
Female subterranean trolls are willing to experiment sexually with [other races]... Their willingness to experiment is due to the ugliness of male trolls. For this reason, female subterranean trolls are also called trollops.

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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sat Dec 22, 2012 7:13 pm

Quote :
Female subterranean trolls are willing to experiment sexually with [other races]... Their willingness to experiment is due to the ugliness of male trolls. For this reason, female subterranean trolls are also called trollops.
I'm guessing these female trolls are not ugly. I mean, that wouldn't be very realistic.
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sat Dec 22, 2012 7:42 pm

Lurv wrote:
Quote :
Female subterranean trolls are willing to experiment sexually with [other races]... Their willingness to experiment is due to the ugliness of male trolls. For this reason, female subterranean trolls are also called trollops.
I'm guessing these female trolls are not ugly. I mean, that wouldn't be very realistic.

You would be correct. Oh, and to make it ~super~ realistic, if the female troll comes across an elf or human woman who is prettier, she has to roll not to maim her. Rolling Eyes
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sun Dec 23, 2012 1:45 am

So, it's another awesome night here (she said sarcastically) so I decided to liven my night by snarking some more of FATAL! Which I almost mistyped as FARTAL. I think that would be an improvement.

We were up to page 8, which is just the table of contents. After that, we start chapter 1! Chapter one starts our character creation... and it's all about race and gender. Race in this case doesn't mean race as in black, white, asian, etc, but rather fantasy races like elves and dwarves and shit. Why? Because there are no other races in FATAL except white! That's right, it's also completely racist too. Let me add that to the list:

  • Completely racist by complete erasure


So, first things first, the players consult with the Aedile if they get to choose their race or determine it randomly! So, hey, let's all make a character along with FATAL! This will be super fun! Since we don't have an Aedile, we are going to roll everything randomly. I rolled a 61%, which makes our character a kobold. (which strangely that's what I would have chosen to play. Is the book reading my MIND?!)

We'll have to go through section by section until we reach kobold to see what our race is like here, but for now, let's start at the top. I flip a page and whoa.... naked picture of people. A mass of people. I guess it's to show us what the races look like? Other than the nakkie picture, it's pretty standard. "Oh, this is a desc of this race, this is the format" etc etc. Finally, on page 12, we get to the first race: Anakim.

scratch

We play... Darth Vader?

Oh, anakiM. With an M. Hey, at least it's different, let's have a read...oh. They're half demons. Yay. Although this next line gave me chuckles:

Quote :
Oftentimes, [anakim] children show no signs of life until they are seven years in age.

Hm. After that we have a bunch of modifiers to stats that we don't know what they do or mean yet. Let me add:

  • Crappy book organization


to the growing list of offenses. There are some more stats to things we don't know what they mean yet, and then it gets to "sociality" (which I had to double check to make sure I was reading that word right). In there, it says that all human mothers of anakim DIE. Actually, knowing how the rest of the book is split up, I'm rather shocked it's not a mini table.

Quote :
Roll d100 and consult the following chart:

01-10 Mother lives!
11-78 Mother goes insane!
79-83 Mother eats her baby! Roll another character!
84-99 Mother dies!
100 Mother is actually the anakim. World ends.

What's also amusing is that under the names section it says, "their human mother names them at birth", right after they say that the mothers die during childbirth. Oh, sure, maybe that's nitpicky of me because she could gasp out a name, then die, but it's still contradictory! Anyway, the anakim automatically start with 1d10 random traits which they have to roll on a chart that spans four pages. This one... this one... this is where my mind was officially blown. Up until this point it was just offensive with bad organization. This is where the WTF started rolling down the shit stained hill the idea for this book was birthed on.

Some of the possibilities for random traits are (my comments in parentheses):
Quote :


01 The anakim has absolute odds of reproduction. If male, then the anakim will impregnate any female with whom he copulates. If female, then the anakim will become pregnant by any male with whom she copulates.

03 The anakim may instill bestial lust into any member of the opposite sex, within visual range. The foe must pass a Drive check at TH 20 or sexually force themselves upon the anakim immediately, regardless of location. This trait may only be used once per day and only in 1-on-1 situations. (A power to get myself raped? AWESOME!)

06 The anakim is cannibalistic, and eating vegetables will induce vomiting.

11 The anakim may cast Call Maggots once per day. ("COME! DO MY BIDDING, MINIONS!")

14 The anakim is addicted to vaginal or penile carrion. Once per week, the anakim has the urge to kill the first member of the opposite sex in sight and feed on the previously stated remains. The anakim may resist this urge by passing a Drive check at TH 22. (that's... very... specific. O.o)

20 The anakim is accompanied by an odor of feces that extends 1d6 feet from their body.

24 The anakim cause humans within 1 foot to desire anal sex according to their sexuality.

25 The anakim has blood for sexual fluid, causing a penalty of 1d10 to the Sexual Adeptness Skill. If male, then the anakim ejaculates blood. If female, then blood is the lubricating vaginal fluid all month long. (Yeah... blood? Not a lubricant.)

36 The anakim is always accompanied by the gathering of 1d10 black birds near and above them. (Think of the bird poop! Constantly! Man, if that isn't a demon tip off. "Hey, that guy is covered in birdshit." "That's a demon, get him!")

41 The anakim is able to cry at will, with tears. (But normal people are unable to cry without making a skill check! Actually, that wouldn't surprise me in this game. They have a skill for Urination, after all.)

66 The anakim has uncanny anatomical knowledge, increasing the severity of all Crucial Damage rolls by 5. (These are traits that are given to them at birth, I might add, because they are demons, such as powers and appearance and shit like that. But that babeh comes out of the womb knowing how to CUT PEOPLE UP!)

72 The anakim may fart as loud as thunder. All creatures within a 10-feet radius of this anakim, except the anakim, automatically take 1d4 sonic damage and are stunned for 1 round, which can be avoided by passing a Drive check at TH 17. This can be utilized once per week. (brb, laughing too hard. FARTS AS A WEAPON! BRILLIANT!)

74 The anakim is able to speak backwards at will, increasing their Enunciation sub-ability by 1d100. (speaking backwards to help enunciation...something is a touch wrong with that picture. I suppose they said they were aiming for historical accuracy, not common sense accuracy)

90 The anakim knows how to speak Demon, increasing their Language sub-ability by 1d100. ("Oh, my baby!" "WAAAARBLE GAAAAARBLE!!!!!" ... knowledge from birth, man. *shakes her head*)

I may get to more races later, but that chart wiped me out. That was... special. So very very special.


Last edited by Maximilia on Sun Dec 23, 2012 6:28 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sun Dec 23, 2012 5:48 am

Maximilia wrote:
So, first things first, the players consult with the Aedile if they get to choose their race or determine it randomly!

In an attempt at finding a silver lining in a cloud peanut in a turd, if nothing else FATAL gives us a great example for why Random anything is a terrible idea in any RPG and should be abandoned immediately.

Quote :
Rolled a 61%, which makes our character a kobold. (which strangely that's what I would have chosen to play. Is the book reading my MIND?!)

Making you extremely lucky. If you actually wanted to play an Elf or a Dwarf, well, screw you, you thought you were designing the character you wanted to play? Piss off, this isn't your game.

Random attribute rolls are the same. You want to play a big fucker with a hammer? Well fuck you mr. I-Want-To-Play-My-Own-Character, you've got an above average dex and a roughly average everything else. Random generation. It's realistic.


Other examples:

Quote :


Quote :
90 The anakim knows how to speak Demon, increasing their Language sub-ability by 1d100. ("Oh, my baby!" "WAAAARBLE GAAAAARBLE!!!!!" ... knowledge from birth, man. *shakes her head*)


Awesome! My character can speak deamon, according to the description. Now if only I rolled higher than a 4. Well, piss. My character can speak deamon in much the same way that I can speak Swahili. What? You think the phrase "Your character can speak [X]" automatically gives you the ability to speak [X]? What games have you been playing? Obviously not the historically accurate and realistic FATAL. (Or a handful of Pendragon/HERO games which do roughly the same thing.)

Please note that this is the kind of game in which you have to roll in order to do anything. You're lucky the game lets you walk down the street without some form of test.


Quote :
[FATAL has] a skill for Urination, after all.

Oh... Yeah...

This is a multifaceted skill though. IIRC it covers both the ability to spell out your name in the snow as well as the ability to urinate ON COMMAND.



Point the final on Random Charts. The one test character I rolled up was a human who maxed out the penis girth chart, while getting really low on the penis length chart.

Captain PancakeCock was the best thing to ever come out of my brief experimentation with this game.
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Maximilia
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sun Dec 23, 2012 6:26 am

Ok, so that was sooooo worth it just to hear about Captain PancakeCock.
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sun Dec 23, 2012 6:44 am

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Quote :

The 10 Reasons We Will Never Review F.A.T.A.L.

We have avoided the subject of F.A.T.A.L. (FATAL from here on out) since this column began. Every day someone emails one of us requesting we use it for WTF, D&D!? and every week we refuse. FATAL is a peerless, gargantuan, self-published, self-distributed beast written by obsessive savant Byron Hall. The rules, touted as "the most difficult" of any game available, cover every imaginable detail except how to have fun playing the game. Minor details. FATAL is infamous because it is a sadomasochistic violence and rape simulation. We're here today to explain why we will never review FATAL.

This ol' SA article is good for a laugh. As I am not a pen/paper RPGer It may have been the first time I heard of the game.

'course it's technically a review.

Quote :
Steve: I feel like we just reviewed FATAL.

Indeed.
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sun Dec 23, 2012 12:52 pm

rae wrote:
You would be correct. Oh, and to make it ~super~ realistic, if the female troll comes across an elf or human woman who is prettier, she has to roll not to maim her. Rolling Eyes
Of course she does.

This makes me wonder if this game has anything to say about lesbians, but I'm probably better of not knowing.

And now I wish I had some dice just so I could see what character I get. Hopefully someone who manages to not constantly shit their pants.
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sun Dec 23, 2012 2:34 pm

Lurv wrote:
This makes me wonder if this game has anything to say about lesbians
if your female character has small boobs (and possibly other less than "feminine" attributes) then you have to apply a modifier to the sexual orientation roll that skews her towards homosexual

because stereotypes are always true you see
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sun Dec 23, 2012 2:42 pm

Quote :
100 Mother is actually the anakim. World ends.
So does that mean the game is over before it begins?
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sun Dec 23, 2012 2:48 pm

KJM wrote:
Quote :
100 Mother is actually the anakim. World ends.
So does that mean the game is over before it begins?
It's the only way to win.
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sun Dec 23, 2012 7:31 pm

The demon is coming from INSIDE THE MOTHER!!!!!!

Edit: And for those who are drunk enough/hate themselves enough to actually want to try this, here's an online dice-roller:
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sun Dec 23, 2012 8:55 pm

Vaguely remember unskilled78 asking if I wanted to roleplay this on Skype.

Don't remember if the whole having to play a game old-school turned me off or that it was creepy. Or what ended up being a factor in declining the offer.
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sun Dec 23, 2012 9:25 pm

... Upon looking at this Tropes, I have no words to describe the sheer 'wtf' so I will post an image instead.[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Sun Dec 23, 2012 10:36 pm

I rolled a short, plump Ogre who is drop dead gorgeous, a spy, Whore and Chambermaid that knows 3 languages, geometry and how to contort herself to the point of self-cunnilingus.
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Mon Dec 24, 2012 7:29 pm

Quote :
[FATAL has] a skill for Urination, after all.


If you have a really, really low skill does that mean that you have some sort of horrible kidney problem that makes it impossible to pee?
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Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 29

PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   Mon Dec 24, 2012 9:27 pm

bleachedblackcat wrote:
Quote :
[FATAL has] a skill for Urination, after all.


If you have a really, really low skill does that mean that you have some sort of horrible kidney problem that makes it impossible to pee?

I wouldn't be surprised---this is the same game in which it's possible to be naturally gifted at speech but then roll too low a skill to ever actually learn to speak.
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PostSubject: Re: F.A.T.A.L.   

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