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 Ew, tastes like fish

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SouthSimGal
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PostSubject: Ew, tastes like fish   Sat Dec 15, 2012 1:19 pm

Okay, guys, I'm back after a short break. As I was sporking my last story, I realized that every single one of my finished projects were from Harry Potter, which is odd, as HP is one of my most casual fandoms. I'm much more familiar with more modern ones, such as Hetalia, or, as I'm getting into today, Homestuck.

As far as I can tell, this is the first Homestuck fic to be sporked on WGW, although it has been mentioned as an Antidote. I'm not 100% sure how many of you WGWers are familiar with the comic, but the thread I just linked may help you decide whether you're interested or not, and I will attempt to explain things like OOC as much as I can, so those unfamiliar may still enjoy the badness.

The Homestuck fandom has something of a reputation for being quite talented; there's a ridiculous number of fancomics and AUs, adramatic reading on Youtube (no small feat, considering the thousands of pages), and an episode of a fanime currently in progress. The Homestuck community is rather snooty, as fandoms go, probably due to the weight of the source material. They are very intolerant of the Fandumb.

HOWEVER.

There IS a Fandumb. An impressive one. There are whole blogs devoted to the vilification of those who insist on trying to contribute to a fandom they understand nothing about. I dare say that Homestuck may have the largest percentage of fanwork produced by someone who has never laid eyes on the source material.

But let's not forget devoted, loving fans who just don't have the talent that they think they do. Although this is mostly expressed in cosplay,

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fanart,

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Youtube comments,

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or bad roleplaying,

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it sometimes bleeds into the fanfiction as well. And that's what we're talking about today, with a fanfic entitled Ew, tastes like fish. Sounds like a bad femmeslash to me.

Quote :
All of Cris' friends made fun of her for liking Eridan. 'Cause you know, everyone thinks Eridan sucks. But what if Cris happened to meet a boy on the beach. Do you really need another hint? Okay, he had fins. Kind of a crack-fic and Eridan is his old pervy, desperate self. Eridan/oc

Yes, it's one of those "what if a canon character entered the life of a fan of the source material?" scenarios. These are almost impossible to do well, and this one doesn't even seem to try.

Second, "everyone thinks Eridan sucks"? Although he is regarded as a vile person by much of the intelligent fandom, he (as a character) has many admirers on both ends. Methinks the real issue "Cris' friends" have is with her rabid fascination with him, which you'll see soon.

Third, "old, pervy, desperate self." Oh BOY.

Something a non-Homestuck fan must know about Eridan is that he is one of the most fandom-mangled characters in the story. In canon, he's this:

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He is a egotistical seadwelling troll with a genocidal superiority complex over landwellers, due to the way they've polluted the ocean that his love interest lives in. He is constantly looking for chances to wipe them out with doomsday devices, despite the fact that he admits to having a fondness for a few of them. Eridan has had flirtatious interactions with several characters, although none of them developed into relationships, due mostly to the others' disdain for him.

In fanon, he's this:

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OMG ERIDAN IS SO LIEK DESPERATE HE'LL FUCK ANYTHING LOLOLOLOL NYEH WWEH FOREVVER ALONE PATHETIC LOSER

As you can see, they don't quite match up.

Quote :
There once was a lass named Cris.

Unlike her friends, she liked Eridan the best.

Of course to her buddies, that sounded like a whole load of piss!

...I'm going to need more candy if I'm going to spork this.

Seriously, was that supposed to be a limerick? It has the same basic rhyming pattern, but not the right number of lines! Not to mention the syllable counts! And who rhymes "best" with "piss"?

Quote :
I flipped my straight brown hair out of my eyes as my fingers rapidly flew over my keyboard, the fanfiction I was writing fresh from the deep, dark, twisted corners of my mind.

You want to hear about "deep, dark, twisted corners" of people's minds in fanfiction, just search for "tentabulges" and "xenobiology" on ff.net.

Quote :
No, I was not writing about sober Gamzee. That crap is screwed up in so many ways.

So it's "screwed up" to write about a troll who stays high 24 hours a day just to keep his inborn ethnic-cleansing urges in check, but not one that wants to annihilate all landwellers while perfectly sober? Okey-dokey.

Quote :
No, I was writing about Eridan.

Because NOBODY writes about Eridan except for you. That's why you're so BESHUL.

Quote :
The very thought of him made me swoon. All of my friends may call me crazy (and believe me, they do)

Maybe that's because you faint at the thought of a fictional character. That's usually a good indicator of sanity.

Quote :
but He will always be my favorite characters.

So now Eridan is a god, worthy of having pronouns referring to him capitalized, and multiple people. Hmmm.

Also, he's your favorite character. That's cool, I like him too. What attracts you about him? His superiority complex, shockingly juxtaposed with someone rather silly-acting? His over-dramatic need to make himself known? His determination and inability to accept his own failures?

Quote :
I love guys with accents.

Ah, his undefined accent. That's nice too. After all, all accents are the same and equal in sex appeal, and even if they weren't, Eridan's accent is clearly defined as "wwavvy soundin".

Quote :
And hey, who cares if he has fins?! They make him look even more cute. Hey Eridan, I like scarves too!

Because that's a major part of his character. The scarf that he wears.

Quote :
" Cris, get off that damn computer. We're going to the beach tomorrow and if you fall asleep in the water and drown I'm not saving you!" My older brother called from the living room. My eye twitched. Me and my brother live alone in this big house in North Carolina, and he's a total control freak, and over protective.

Oh noes, EVUL older brother wants you to get some goddamn sleep! And, yeah, "overprotective", that's why he won't save you if you're drowning.

Quote :
I'm probably never going to get a boyfriend with him around.

LE GAAAAAAAAAASP! EVEN MORE EVUL! Being protective of his little sister of indeterminate age!

Quote :
I turned the computer of, rolling my eyes at my brothers command. Little did I know, tomorrow was the day I was going to meet a CERTAIN fish boy.

He's really not a fish boy, he's a troll boy with gills.

Quote :
Oh god was I unprepared.

As are we, Suethor, as are we.
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Reepicheep-chan
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PostSubject: Re: Ew, tastes like fish   Mon Dec 17, 2012 9:15 am

Haha, oh geez. I have been trying to find a Homestuck fic to snark myself, but it is hard as hell to dig one up that can be followed without being familer with the source material.

This looks pretty bad though.
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