Why God, Why?


 
HomeHome  FAQFAQ  RegisterRegister  Log in  

Share | 
 

 Celosia Charmisdora Parkins: Fred's One True Love. Apparently.

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
SHGCat



Join date : 2010-04-04

PostSubject: Celosia Charmisdora Parkins: Fred's One True Love. Apparently.   Sun Dec 09, 2012 5:19 pm

Hey everyone. This is my first sporking, and my first post here. So, uh....I'll do my best but keep that in mind, if you would.

ANYWAY.

I was perusing the Harry Potter section of fanfiction.net, as you do when you're feeling particularly masochistic, and I found this gem:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.].

And with a summary like this...

Quote :
Celosia was 13 now. Yes, the year of becoming a teenager. The year where girls went gaga over guys and started gossiping. Not Celosia! She's a tomboy. No make-up, girly things and definitely not boyfriends. Cedric Diggory had finally taken a liking in her and now she's losing feelings for him. What will happen to Celosia this year? Romance? Pranks? Read to find out!

So of course I had to read it. After all, it could have GOSSIP and PRANKS in it. Who could resist? Here's Chapter 1.

Our story begins with our intrepid and pretentiously-named heroine Celosia being told by her sister Avalyn to wake up so they can go to Hogwarts. Wow, how exciting! Let me tell you, I'm not exactly an early riser but if someone was waking me up to go to Hogwarts I would be up and ready to go in like ten minutes. I bet Celosia will do the same thing, right Suethor?

Quote :
I didn't move, even if I was excited to go back to my second home. My sleep was ten times more important.

...or not. Okay. Anyway, turns out Avalyn, nicknamed Ava, has kept her poor sister up all night talking about her huge girly crush on Oliver Wood.

Quote :
She had forced me to give her 'advice'. Honestly, it's like she didn't know me at all! I suck at advice. My best advice is 'If you see a hot bloke and he's single . . . fuck him senseless.' Great morals I've got, eh? Anyway, so Mum finally came in and made Ava finally shut up about Oliver, me earning 3 hours less sleep than I actually deserve.

Uh, according to this story, Celosia has JUST turned 13. Exactly how much experience fucking hot guys does she have?

Quote :
I sat up quickly, getting caught up in my blankets, falling flat onto my face on the ground.

Oh, and she's clumsy too. I AM JUST SO CHARMED BY HER YOU GUYS.

Snip a long boring bit about how Celosia is SO FUCKING LAZY AND SLOW that her mother and sister, with whom I already sympathize, had to get her up TWO HOURS EARLY just to make sure they were ready to leave by 10:30. Considering the Hogwarts express leaves at 11:00 sharp, I have no idea how they're going to get there on time when Celosia hasn't even finished packing. Her sister comes to the rescue while Celosia gets dressed.

Quote :
I sighed and went to my closet, trying to find something to wear to King's Cross. I just decided on some sweats and my favorite sweatshirt. I didn't bother to do anything with my hair. Sure, I was 13; a teenager. Most girls my age - some even 11 or 12 - would be worried about looks, boys, and boyfriends - I cringed at that word - make up, all that jazz. But not me. I was a tomboy. I rolled with the boys. And I'm quite sure that's how I'd always be.

Given her earlier romantic advice to her sister, I'm not all that surprised that she "rolled with the boys."

Quote :
"Honestly, Celly, it can't take you that long to find some clothes to wear," said Ava, somewhere from behind me. I turned around to see her trying to close my trunk, but it was so full that it wouldn't shut.

"Oh, Merlin," I groaned, "You tried to stuff everything possible in my trunk, didn't you?"

"You can't blame me," she raised her hands in surrender, "You have the cutest clothes."


Wait, what? Didn't she JUST say she didn't care about clothes? So why does she does she have all these "cute clothes". In any case, they do realize that she won't be able to wear street clothes much while they're at Hogwarts, right? They kind of have a uniform policy, and while I rather like the cut of the robes I don't think they can be reasonably described as "cute".

Quote :
"And it's about time you get a boyfriend, so I can live my life through your relationship..."

The last part came out mumbled. "Wait. What?"

"Nothing," she said quickly. "At least take some of your cute clothes. Please?"

...kid, you are way too invested in your sister's life. Also, Celosia hasn't ever had a boyfriend? Then who are all these cute guys she's been fucking? I'm so confused. Is she sexually precocious or not, Suethor?!

Quote :
"Watch out, trunk coming through!" I shouted and threw my trunk down the stairs. I slid down the banister and landed ungracefully on the floor. I was never too good at being graceful. Clumsy was more my forte.

Clearly. Also obnoxious, ungrateful, and lazy.

Quote :
"Celosia Parkins! I've told you since your first year to not through your trunk down those stairs! You could end up killing someone!"

"Preferably yourself!"

Quote :
"Last time I was nearly killed by it," said my father, walking beside my mother.

"But you still lived to tell the story, am I right?" I laughed. He laughed too.

"Who knows, I could be a ghost for all you know," he said, mysteriously and waved his fingers in front of him, making 'Oooh' noises.

"Well, if you are, you are a terrible ghost," said my sister coming down the stairs. My father stuck his nose up in the air and pretended to fly into the kitchen. He tried to walk through the wall, but it only resulted in him running straight into the wall. Ava and I fell out laughing. Even Mum couldn't help herself.

Hahahaha, you guys, the comic relief is SO FUNNY. Also, what the hell is going on here? BOTH of the Sues parents are living, their family seems relatively normal, they all get along with one another, no one seems to be abusing anyone else....I'm beginning to doubt this Sue's credentials. She's wearing sweat pants for fuck's sake. We haven't even gotten an overwrought description of her awesome beauty yet! I'm beginning to feel like the summary was false advertising. I feel like I'm being cheated. This isn't so-bad-it's-good, it's so-bad-it's-boring-as-shit. Come on, Celosia! Let's hear how special you are!

Quote :
"What about you, Celosia? How do you think this year will go?" Mum asked me. I shrugged.

"About as normal as the other two years," I said. "But I bet you. More detentions than last year. That I can promise. Blame my friends. They're a bad influence."

My father sighed. "Honestly, do you know how many letters we've received from Professor Snape, Professor McGonagall and just teachers in general? This year, you need to stop getting in trouble so much. One day, you'll get into too much trouble and you'll be kicked out of Hogwarts."

"Until that time comes," I began. "I will forever be a prankster."

I grinned proudly while Ava face-palmed herself and my parents gave each other wary looks. I didn't know what they were so worried about. I had been doing this for two years and now they want to do something?

Ahhhh, there we go. Se, she's like Fred and George, except she's a she, you know! And not as funny. Or as smart. And she's also a tomboy, which means she's a Strong Independant Woman Thirteen-Year-Old-Girl. The Sue begins to take shape.

Quote :
Ava looked at her watch and squeaked.

"Hurry up, guys! Its 10:15!" she exclaimed. She stood up quickly, nearly knocking her chair over as she flew upstairs.

"We're going back to Hogwarts!" I sang. "Back to wizards and witches, and magical beasts. To goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts. It's all that I love, and it's all that I need. HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS, I think I'm going back." (Brownies points to whoever got this. XD)

HA HA OH MAN IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE A VERY POTTER MUSICAL DOESN'T EXIST IN THE CONTINUITY OF THE SERIES. SO THERE'S NO WAY SHE WOULD KNOW THAT SONG. BUT SHE DOES KNOW THAT SONG! GET IT????

Ahem.

Quote :
I bolted upstairs into my room; just to make sure I hadn't forgot anything. I grabbed my wand from my nightstand and also my iPod.

Because Muggle technology totally works at Hogwarts. Why would a teen in the Wizarding World even have an ipod? How would they know how to use it? And yes, while it isn't explicitly stated I'm pretty sure the Parkinses are a Wizarding family, especially considering they have an owlery in their house.

Quote :
I went into the owlery we had in our house, to see my owl, Nyctea, there.

See? They also appear to have an overabundance of commas.

Quote :
"Oh, Ny, we'll be going back to Hogwarts today," I told her. "Isn't that exciting?"

She hooted back softly in reply. I walked back into my room and looked at all the pictures around my room. I had such wonderful friends.

TRANSITION=SEAMLESS.

Also be prepared for in-depth descriptions of how she met all of her "wonderful friends." Hooray for telling and not showing.

Quote :
Hogwarts had gave me my 5 wonderful best friends I currently have; Fred and George Weasley, Lee Jordan, Angelina Johnson and my near sister: Tamsyn Wynch.

One of these things is not like the other....

Quote :
Tamsyn was seriously my soul sister. And to think a fight brought us together.

Mum and I had gone to Diagon Alley - not Ava becuase one, she was sick and two, she wasn't even going to Hogwarts until one more year - to get my school supplies. I had gone into Flourish and Blotts to get my books first. As I was picking up Magical Drafts and Potions by Phyllida Spore, so was a another girl. This girl was Tamsyn. She threatened me to release the book. And I threatened her back. We were both stubborn as ox's and neither of us wanted to let go. So I kicked her in the shin. She released the book and grabbed her shin. I smirked and took the back, but then she tackled me to the ground. The manager of the bookstore eventually kicked us out and told us when we could come back in when we settled things. I had a black eye and a busted lip. She had a bruised cheek and a bloody nose. We were going to continue our fight in the street of Diagon Alley, but realized how silly we looked. And we continued our school supply shopping with each other, even when we were bruised up. We still get into fights like that, even to this day. For foolish things, just like when we first met. It's just what we do.

...wow. I'm pretty sure this friendship counts as a mutually abusive relationship. It's sounding less like Hogwarts and more like Todou Academy. Do they seriously beat the crap out of each other whenever they disagree? I think thats a safe bet, considering their first fight was over a freaking textbook. Are the members of the Hogwarts faculty just cool with the two of them regularly whaling on each other so badly that they show up to class with fucking split lips and black eyes? Also, I'm assuming they met when they were both First-years, and I have the hilarious mental image of two tiny eleven-year-old girls kicking the shit out of each other in the middle of Flourish and Blotts. I may have to draw that.

Quote :
Next, I met Lee Jordan. I met him as I was going through the platform. We both were nervous as heck, not wanting to run through the wall and end our lives right then and there. So we went together. We held hands - as awkward as that may seem - and ran through together. When we ended up on the other side, we hugged each other and cheered, claiming loudly how we had not died. But then Lee had to go sit with some of his friends that he already knew and I was left being by myself. At the time, I was angry at him. But now, that I look back on it, I would've done the same if I was in his place. But that event didn't mess up our friendship. In fact, when we got to Hogwarts, we stayed close to each other for the most part. He and Tamsyn became close friends too after I introduced them to each other. Though, they often fought over petty things.

I'm pretty sure that means that Lee Jordan and Tamsyn are meant to be, and it'll be all surprising when they start going out. It's amazing how few fucks I give. All I want to know is if Lee and Tamsyn also regularly get into fistfights, or if their arguments are purely verbal.

And then we get into the 600-word-long block-paragraph about how she met Fred and George. Snip an overly-long bit about a confusing prank they played on her on the train her first year at Hogwarts involving her slipping on a puddle and nearly being deafened by the sound of an explosion. It's never explained what exactly it was that Fred and George did to her. I's incredibly confusing to me, but it apparently pissed Celosia off.

Quote :
All I knew was that I had been the victim of a prank. I guess I was an easy target. Well, of course. I was the most shyest first year you could ever imagine. I wore pigtails that day and I wore my favorite capris along with my favorite shirt. I wore glasses and I had braces. I shudder at the memory of my 11 year old self.

(bolding mine) Yes. Yes, Celosia, you are so shy. So very, terribly shy. You are the most shyety-shy-shyest of all the shy people in all the land. You are so shy that you thought nothing of getting into a fistfight in the middle of a bookstore with a girl you had just met. Speaking of which, how come the black eye she gave you didn't damage your previously-unmentioned glasses?

Quote :
I wiped whatever it was from my glasses and could only make out two redheads laughing in front of me. Once my glasses were completely clear I saw the boys who had bumped into me earlier. They looked as though they showed no remorse for what they had done. I was angry. Furious, even. I was literally shaking with anger. I'm a half-blood and my mother sent me to a magical school to teach me minor spells before I got to Hogwarts.

Oh, she's a half-blood. Okay, I guess that might explain why she knows what an iPod is. On the other hand, it doesn't change the fact that MUGGLE TECH DOES NOT WORK AT HOGWARTS. >_< Also, I don't think underage wizards are allowed to learn magic before they go to Hogwarts, unless maybe they did so in a purely theoretical sense. She wouldn't have even had a wand before she started going to Hogwarts!

Snip boring crap about how she sulked at the front of the train with the conductor during the train ride. Do they even allow students to sit with the conductor? Well, she is a Sue, if not a very legit one, so I guess she gets special privileges. -_-

Quote :
unfortunately, for me, I had to be in a boat with those two dunderheads. I was afraid to say the least. They had already played one prank on me. What was next? Were they going to feed me to the Giant Squid? But they didn't do anything. It wasn't until we all got Sorted into Gryffindor did they apologize. You know that Muggle saying: Forgive and Forget? Yeah. Well I forgave, but sure as hell didn't forget. I still was a bit iffy with them. But then they let me in on a prank with them. That was their mistake. Ever since that prank, I was a prankster, just like them. And I definitely repayed them for what they did to me. But I won't tell you right now. That's for another time.

OH MY GOD CELOSIA I BET YOUR PRANK WAS LIKE THE MOST AWESOMEST PRANK EVER IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE. I REALLY CANNOT WAIT TO KNOW WHAT IT WAS. SERIOUSLY, I AM ON PINS AND NEEDLES HERE. SERIOUSLY.

Last of all, we hear the riveting tale of how she met Angelina Johnson.

Quote :
The twins and Lee were her friends. I, however, was not. Whenever I hung around Fred and George or Lee, she would always take them away. I once confronted her about it and she pushed me to the ground in an empty corridor. I guess you could say I hated her. But that wasn't true. I loathed her, sure, but apart of me longed to be her friend and be accepted by her. But then I was reminded that she disliked me and openly showed it.

Okay, in this story Angelina sounds like a real bitch. Why do you even want to be her friend. You do know that "loathe" and "hate" mean roughly the same thing, right? Generally speaking, people do not long to be friends with those they loathe. Also, why didn't you just punch her in the face, Celosia? It worked with Tamsyn.

Quote :
Whenever I didn't have the boys, I had Tamsyn and I was glad. Because of Tamsyn, I grew confident and learned to stand up for myself and not be a pushover. So when Angelina insulted me and Tamsyn, I had to take action. That lead in my biggest fight since the one I had with Tamsyn.

Seems I spoke too soon. I guess violence really DOES solve everything!

Quote :
Professor McGonagall broke us up and we were sent to Dumbledore's office. My heart sunk when he said he was going to owl my parents, but was relieved when he said I didn't have to serve detention.


I'm pretty sure getting into a fight would warrant a detention, even from Dumbledore.

Snip a bit where she talks about how Angelina was hanging out with jerks and how apparently that excuses her jerkiness, but only since she doesn't hand around the jerks anymore.

Quote :
One Potions class, Professor Snape, the slimy git, decided to pair me with her. We were both angry with this and worked in silence most of the time. She kept jabbing insults at me and I ignored them, gritting my teeth so I wouldn't get into trouble. Then she said something, something I can't remember, and I snapped. When then started arguing and throwing random ingredients into the potion. We didn't even notice the potion was going awry until some kid yelled 'Duck!' We recieved dention from Snape, once again angering us. When we served detention, our arguing didn't stop. It was non-stop with us. I actually think at one point, I did hate her. It wasn't until I slipped on some rat spleen did our arguing stop. We both laughed hard. From there, we decided the arguing was getting us nowhere so we decided to call it a truce and be friends. And that's what we did. And to this day, we cherish the way we became friends.

"HAHA, WE COULD HAVE CONCEIVABLY KILLED EVERYONE IN THE CASTLE BY THROWING AROUND THOSE VOLATILE MAGICAL INGREDIENTS. WE ARE SUCH WONDERFUL FRIENDS!"

Quote :
I honestly love my friends. Without them, I'd probably be that shy, awkward, dopey girl who no one knew. Sure, I was loud when I needed to be. But now, I am loud literally all the time.

Honey, I don't think that's much of an improvement.

At any rate, now that we have all of that vital information, we can finally continue with the fucking plot. Note: I use the term "plot" extremely loosely.

Quote :
I walked over to my full sized mirror, looking at myself. I had changed since first and second year.

Oh man, I think we might be getting an overwrought description of her beauty! Go ahead, Celosia! Stun me with your radiance!

Quote :
I had changed since first and second year. I didn't wear my pigtails anymore, thank Merlin; I didn't have braces. I got rid of them this summer; I no longer wore glasses. Again, got rid of them this summer. My hair used to be down to my shoulders. But now that I was 13, I wanted to be reckless. Not the do drugs, have sex, become a prostitute, drink type of reckless. But minor reckless. I cut my hair so that now it was to the middle of neck, in blonde bouncy curls. I actually think it looked good. I haven't told any of my friends yet, knowing they'd probably kill me painfully and slowly if they knew I cut my hair. My eyes were still the same bright green. And I still had my stupid freckles. I wished my freckles would just fall off my face and never return.

....Celosia, honey, you are doing it wrong. Let's go down the list.

1: Cutting your hair short is not "reckless." I do not look at a thirteen-year-old girl with chin-length "blonde bouncy curls" and think "WOAH! So reckless!".

2. Why would your friends give a crap if you cut your hair? I thought you didn't care about your appearance because you are ZOMG SUCH A TOMBOY.

3. So...you DON'T have sex? I guess your advice to your sister in the first paragraph was purely theoretical, then.

4. Don't worry about the freckles. Your one true love will tell you he thinks they're cute and you will immediately change your mind about them because you have the validation of a man. That's how these things usually work, right?

Snip the family travelling to Platform 9 and 3/4 in the most hilariously hijink-tastic way possible.

Quote :
It was fun, speeding through the Muggle station. And it was hilarious to see the expressions of the Muggles. I nearly knocked some of them down.

I think I'm supposed to find this endearing. I do not.

Quote :
I laughed as I turned my head to see a lady cursing at me. I winked and saluted, before turning back around to focus on what was infront of me. But I had no time at all to prepare myself as I ran through the barrier to get to Platform 9 3/4. As I reached the other side, I knocked into someone.

GEE WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THAT ONE COMING? Celosia is less a "prankster" and more "someone who routinely commits acts of violence on random strangers and thinks it's hilarious."

Quote :
"Oops, sorry, ma'am," I said, as politely as I could muster. She had long blonde hair and a cold hard look on her face. The woman stuck her head up in the air and waltzed off with her son in tow. I raised an eyebrow. Well, that was rude.

...that was rude? THAT WAS RUDE? Sorry, but I'm with the lady who is clearly Mrs. Malfoy. (You aren't fooling anyone, Suethor. Just say it's the Malfoys) You just ran right into them because you were too busy laughing like a jackass and saluting the hapless Muggles that you unnecessarily knocked over to get onto platform 9 and 3/4. Fuck. You. You have no right to call anyone rude.

Snip boring tearful goodbyes from mom and dad.

Quote :
"Well, I guess we have to stick together until -" I started.

"Well, bye!" Ava waved as she walked down the corridor.

WAAH WAAH WAAH WAAAAAAAH!

So anyway she catches up with her posse.

Quote :
"FLAME!" Fred and George shouted. I giggled. I had acquired that nickname from them because one, that's what my name means and two because I have a tendency to cause things to burst into flames when I'm angry, irritated or frustated.

Gosh, that sounds so endearing.

Quote :
"You little bitch! You cut your hair!" shrieked Angelina.

"You swore, Lo-Lo!" said Lee.

"Now we're going to have to kill you," said George, seriously.

"Come on, guys, all I did was cut my hair," I tried to reason.

"But you swore. And you broke your promise. So you will burned at the stake," said Fred.

OMG Do it. DO IT! Free yourself from this piece of shit.

Ugh, snip a bunch of boring stupidity where NO ONE CAN BELIEVE SHE CUT HER HAIR GUYS. Also, Angelina spent the summer in America, Lee went to France, Tamsyn went to Scotland, and our Sue herself spent the summer in scenic Bulgaria with her grandparents and their hot butler.

This is just dull. We are halfway through the chapter and NOTHING HAS HAPPENED. Celosia is an annoying bitch with horribly ooc Harry Potter friends, a possible Sue sister, and what is clearly a Sue BFF. She is loud, obnoxious, and worst of all BORING. Stop telling us how cool she is and make her fucking DO SOMETHING.

Fred, George, and Celosia start comparing practical jokes.

Quote :
"How about you, Celo?" asked Tamsyn, jumping in on the converstion, "Any pranks from you?"

"Of course!" I laughed. "I pranked an unsuspecting Muggle when we went out one day. I think I ruined his proposal to his girlfriend . . . well, technically, it's not my fault. I just gave him an 'accidental' babbling potion. He was the one who was cheating on her with her best friend.

"He was a cheating bastard, so that means it's okay to use magic on him." I guess the Ministry overlooks underage magic, as long as the muggles on the receiving end deserve it. Snip more examples of Celosia being horrible to both her friends and random strangers, and suddenly....

Quote :
Just when Tamsyn was about to say something, the compartment door opened. There stood Cedric Diggory. He was in my year, but he was a Hufflepuff. I always thought he was cute, and had a crush on him. But I didn't know if he felt the same way about me. Plus, I didn't even really think about my crushes. That was too girly for me. Caring all about crushes when there are more important matter to tend to.

So you have a crush on him but you don't think about it? I thought this was about you and Fred. The title of this story is Celosia Charmisdora Parkins and Fredrick Gideon Weasley: Their Story. What's all this shit about Cedric?

Quote :
"Erm, hello everyone," he stuttered. He said 'hello' to everyone, but he was looking at me. I felt my heart flutter.

"Then I had a heart attack and died. The end."

Ugh, if only. Turns out Celosia's sister is going nuts and catsing spells indeterminately while laughing maniacally. This bothers Celosia not at all because...

Quote :
"She hasn't taken her pills yet,"

UM, if you know FOR A FACT that when a relative doesn't take their pills they go crazy and start flinging curses at anyone in the vicinity, I would think you would fucking well make sure they take their pills! Then again, everyone in this fic is either an asshole, an idiot, barely mentioned, or boring as tar so I don't know what the fuck else I expected.

Anyway, she manages to use a pressure point to knock her sister unconscious.

Quote :
"My work here is done," I smiled. "You guys make sure she doesn't get her wand until after she gets her medication. I guess she forgot to take it before she left. When she wakes up, all of you pin her down and force her to take her medication. It's in her luggage. Happy train ride."

Naturally, all of the students in the compartment just laughed in the crazy bitch's face, picked up their stuff, and left Celosia to deal with her own un-medicated sister because it was in no way their responsibility to make sure the crazy girl took her pills.

Lol, j/k! Everyone is, I'm sure, charmed by her assholish behavior. Especially Cedric.

Quote :
I started walking back to my compartment, when I felt a hand grabbing my wrist. I turned around and faced Cedric.

"Yes, Cedric?" I asked, quietly. Merlin! I was acting like such a girl right now.

"I - uh - thanks," he said. I nodded and my breath hitched when he pulled my hand up to his lips.

"Bye, Celosia," he said, grinning. I gave him a small smile.

Snip her friends' moronic teasing and Fred's clear jealousy, although Celosia is appropriately oblivious to it. She falls asleep on Fred's chest and Tamsyn wakes her up.

Quote :
I woke up to laughing and giggling.


....why?

Quote :
I had half the mind to just bellow, 'SHUT UP', but I was too lazy to muster up any energy.

Except the energy to laugh and giggle, I guess.

Quote :
So I just snuggled into whoever chest it was I was lying on.

"Come on, lovebirds," That sounded like Tamsyn. "You got to get your robes on."

I sighed and sat up, rubbing my eyes and stretching.

"Oh my god, the others are looking at the compartment with Harry Potter in it, and I'm on my way," said Tamsyn. "Just get up and get ready, you two."

Tamsyn left. Wait. She said 'you two'. So that meant I wasn't alone in the compartment.


Yeah, there's also the guy whose chest you fell asleep on. I can see how you might forget about him.

Quote :
I looked to my side and saw Fred. He looked so adorable when he slept. I smiled. I really wanted to kiss him to wake him up. Wait. Wait. What?! I did not just get that urge! Especially about one of my best friends! I'm going off the deep end.

"Like what you see, Flame?"

I blinked and saw Fred, sitting up. I realized I was practically sitting on his lap and quickly moved.

"No, I don't like what I see, Freto," I srunched up my nose. "I was clearly imagining as Cedric."

Fred's grin was instantly gone and a scowl replaced it. I raised an eyebrow. What's with the change in moods?

Ok, I think she meant to say "Frito". If she did, its still a nonsensical insult, but at least it's a thing that exists. Also, DO YOU REALLY NOT GET THAT HE'S JEALOUS? REALLY???

SNIP They help each other change clothes and flirt clumsily.

Quote :
"Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight!/ For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night." he said, holding my hand. I put a hand over my chest and swooned. There was no need to pretend. Romeo and Juliet was my favorite play and I always wanted the man I married to quote parts from it. Not saying I'm going to marry Fred! That'd be weird.

Yes, Celosia. Yes it would.

They flirt more and everyone sees them and gets the wrong idea and teases them and THIS IS JUST SO RIVETING OMG.

Quote :
"This train be over!" cheered Tamsyn. "Now onto some grub!"

...There is so much fail in that sentence that I don't even know where to start.

They head to the Great Hall and the Sorting begins. This is Harry's first year, apparently. Blah blah, everyone gets Sorted and we are ALMOST at the end of the chapter, thank Christ.

Quote :
I finally saw who Harry Potter was. I didn't stare at him like everyone else did. The kid looked like he was knew to all this attention. He got sorted into Gryffindor. I shook his head and introduced myself.


You shook his head? Did you grab it and physically wrench it from side to side? Given your violent tendencies, it wouldn't surprise me.

Quote :
I was always so nice for my own good.



You just keep telling yourself that, sweetheart.

Quote :
When the feast started, I wolfed down my food. Hey, I was hungry. And I don't rememeber eating anything on the train ride down. After dinner was finished, we all trudged up to Gryffindor Tower. I had Fred carry me up to Gryffindor Tower. I don't remember how I got to my room. But I did know I was full and overly tired.

Aaaaand. That's it. The end of Chapter One.

Where to begin? I guess I've read worse, but this was pretty boring. We have an unlikeable Sue for a main character, everyone else is grossly ooc, and worst of all it is just. so. boring. That's probably the worst thing a suefic can be. At least parts of it were mildly entertaining in their badness. I'll probably spork Ch. 2 when I get the chance.

Until then, I suppose. @_@


Last edited by SHGCat on Mon Dec 10, 2012 11:38 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
SouthSimGal
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
avatar

Join date : 2012-05-05

PostSubject: Re: Celosia Charmisdora Parkins: Fred's One True Love. Apparently.   Sun Dec 09, 2012 8:16 pm

Oh dear. How many prankster!Sues are we going to have to put up with? And all this nonsensical humor...
Back to top Go down
SHGCat



Join date : 2010-04-04

PostSubject: Re: Celosia Charmisdora Parkins: Fred's One True Love. Apparently.   Sun Dec 09, 2012 8:23 pm

SouthSimGal wrote:
Oh dear. How many prankster!Sues are we going to have to put up with? And all this nonsensical humor...

I have no idea. The worst part is, her pranks aren't so much "funny and witty" as "cruel and nonsensical". This is definitely one of the more mean-spirited Sues I have come across.
Back to top Go down
bleachedblackcat
Armbiter of Good Fanfiction
Armbiter of Good Fanfiction
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-11

PostSubject: Re: Celosia Charmisdora Parkins: Fred's One True Love. Apparently.   Mon Dec 10, 2012 11:08 am

I would like to cast my vote in at the moment that the whole reason the sister is buttfuck insane is due to having to live with a sociopath that everyone seems to think is adorable.
Back to top Go down
SHGCat



Join date : 2010-04-04

PostSubject: Re: Celosia Charmisdora Parkins: Fred's One True Love. Apparently.   Mon Dec 10, 2012 11:32 am

bleachedblackcat wrote:
I would like to cast my vote in at the moment that the whole reason the sister is buttfuck insane is due to having to live with a sociopath that everyone seems to think is adorable.

XD That sounds like a fairly plausible explanation. The worst par is, after candidly admitting and even reveling in her clearly assholish behavior, Celosia still WILL NOT SHUT UP about just how fucking nice she is.
Back to top Go down
Exodia's Right Leg
Shitgobbling pissdrinker
Shitgobbling pissdrinker
avatar

Join date : 2009-08-04
Age : 31
Location : Niggertown, HUAHUEHUAland

PostSubject: Re: Celosia Charmisdora Parkins: Fred's One True Love. Apparently.   Mon Dec 10, 2012 11:43 am

Well, her parents DID name them "Celosia" and "Avalyn". That already says a lot about their mindset.
Back to top Go down
Reepicheep-chan
Important Person
Important Person
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-11
Age : 32
Location : IN A SEXY NEW CONDO

PostSubject: Re: Celosia Charmisdora Parkins: Fred's One True Love. Apparently.   Mon Dec 10, 2012 12:32 pm

OMG girliness is the enemy~~~! How dare anyone ever think about ~bois~ that is ~gurly~ and ~weak~!!!!!
Back to top Go down
SHGCat



Join date : 2010-04-04

PostSubject: Re: Celosia Charmisdora Parkins: Fred's One True Love. Apparently.   Mon Dec 10, 2012 3:51 pm

Exodia's Right Leg wrote:
Well, her parents DID name them "Celosia" and "Avalyn". That already says a lot about their mindset.

Well, I let Avalyn slide because I think it might be it's an alternate version of "Evelyn" but even so....it's still pretty pretentious. -_-
Back to top Go down
SHGCat



Join date : 2010-04-04

PostSubject: Re: Celosia Charmisdora Parkins: Fred's One True Love. Apparently.   Mon Dec 10, 2012 4:17 pm

Reepicheep-chan wrote:
OMG girliness is the enemy~~~! How dare anyone ever think about ~bois~ that is ~gurly~ and ~weak~!!!!!

Lol, and yet she has no problem encouraging her younger sister to have indiscrimitate sex. And she likes Romeo and Juliet, which is maybe the girliest play EVER, so I''m pretty sure her "ZOMG TOMBOY!!1" act is just a front. Also, I have little doubt that she'll drop the "ew, boys" thing really fast as soon as she gets a boyfriend. -_-
Back to top Go down
Summercorn
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
avatar

Join date : 2011-08-18
Location : The Garden of England.

PostSubject: Re: Celosia Charmisdora Parkins: Fred's One True Love. Apparently.   Tue Dec 11, 2012 7:44 am

Really good first snark SHGCat, I Laughed.

And...

SHGCat wrote:

Snip a bit where she talks about how Angelina was hanging out with jerks and how apparently that excuses her jerkiness, but only since she doesn't hand around the jerks anymore.

Nice Freudian slip! Smile
Back to top Go down
SHGCat



Join date : 2010-04-04

PostSubject: Re: Celosia Charmisdora Parkins: Fred's One True Love. Apparently.   Tue Dec 11, 2012 5:08 pm

Summercorn wrote:
Really good first snark SHGCat, I Laughed.

And...

SHGCat wrote:

Snip a bit where she talks about how Angelina was hanging out with jerks and how apparently that excuses her jerkiness, but only since she doesn't hand around the jerks anymore.

Nice Freudian slip! Smile

XD whoops. Let that one slip by me. Thank you! :3
Back to top Go down
Reepicheep-chan
Important Person
Important Person
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-11
Age : 32
Location : IN A SEXY NEW CONDO

PostSubject: Re: Celosia Charmisdora Parkins: Fred's One True Love. Apparently.   Tue Dec 11, 2012 11:46 pm

SHGCat wrote:
Reepicheep-chan wrote:
OMG girliness is the enemy~~~! How dare anyone ever think about ~bois~ that is ~gurly~ and ~weak~!!!!!

Lol, and yet she has no problem encouraging her younger sister to have indiscrimitate sex. And she likes Romeo and Juliet, which is maybe the girliest play EVER, so I''m pretty sure her "ZOMG TOMBOY!!1" act is just a front. Also, I have little doubt that she'll drop the "ew, boys" thing really fast as soon as she gets a boyfriend. -_-
The whole thing reminds me of [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
Back to top Go down
SHGCat



Join date : 2010-04-04

PostSubject: Chapter Two!   Sun Dec 16, 2012 8:36 pm

This far, each chapter has only covered a single day. I really hope this isn't a trend, because I am not reading a day-by-day account of this bitch's Hogwarts misadventures. There is some enjoyable badness here, but it's sandwiched between paragraphs and paragraphs of boring exposition. When compared to badfics like My Immortal, where every single line was god-awfully hilarious, this just doesn't measure up.

Yeah, you heard me. My Immortal is waaaaay more entertaining than this POS.

Anyway, on to Chapter 2: First Day

Quote :
"Celo, get your lazy ass up!"

I groaned and flipped over, ignoring the familiar voice.

Wow, our heroine is being a lazy fuck. What a shock.

Quote :
"Celosia Charmisdora Parkins, I swear to Merlin if you do not get up at this moment I will not regret feeding your ass to the Giant Squid."

I smirked into my pillow. "Nice try, the Giant Squid won't eat me. We're friends."

...you two are friends? Are you kidding me? I know the Giant Squid isn't exactly a monster--it saved Colin Creevey from drowning, after all. But how the fuck is Celosia friends with it??? Can it even talk? Even if it could, I doubt "Celo" would be his conversation partner of choice.

I'm not sure why this pisses me off so much. I guess its bad enough that all the canon characters are totally enamored with her--does she have to have the Giant Squid as a BFF as well?? >_< Ugh.

From now on, I am calling the main character Suelosia.

Quote :
I hissed like a cat at the bathroom door, and threw my feet over the side of the bed. I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and take a shower. After my shower, I went back into the dorm to get my uniform. I hastily put it on and walked back in the bathroom to make sure I looked okay.

"And then I walked back over to my bed. And then I sat down on it. And then I put on my left shoe. And then I put on my right shoe. And then I scratched my nose. And then I tied both my shoes. And then I stood up. And then..."

....yeah, you get the point. So Suelosia is all ready to head off to class, but OH NOES! Her BFF Tamsyn wants her to wear some ICKY GIRLY MAKE-UP! Eeeeew, not MAKE-UP! Don't you know she's a tomboy, Tamsyn?

Well, surely our aggressive heroine will fight to stay true to herself and her ideals and not give in to her friend's demands, right?

Quote :
"You're wearing make-up and that is final," she demanded.

"Uh, no," I said. She gave me this fierce look and I decided not to argue with her.

Or not. So Tamsyn gives Suelosia a makeover.

Quote :
Twenty minutes later and she was done with my make-up. I looked in the mirror and was shocked to say the least. This was new to me. It was the first time I had ever worn make-up, and I actually liked the results. But I hoped Tamsyn didn't think this was going to continue, because I don't do this kind of stuff. I'm not about that life.

SHE IS SO NOT ABOUT THAT LIFE, YOU GUYS. No, our Sue keeps it REAL by being a total bitch to everyone while taking advantage of their inexplicable kindness, generosity, and friendship. I love the not-so-subtle implication that if you are a girl who DOES wear make-up, you are clearly a shallow loser.

Quote :
"I did a pretty good job, didn't I?" Tamsyn asked, smiling at me. I shrugged.

"Yeah, yeah. Come on, I want some food," I grumbled, slinging my bag over my shoulder and walking out our dormitory. I heard her huff and come out the dorm too.

"You know, you could be a little more enthusiastic," she said. I laughed.

"Enthusiastic? About make-up? I'd rather not," I said.

You're fucking welcome, Suelosia.

Ok, true, you didn't want to put any make-up on in the first place (supposedly). HOWEVER, you weren't exactly doing all that much protesting, and you admit to being impressed with the end result. After all the trouble your friend went to, you could throw her a freaking bone. A grudging "thanks," would be fine or a simple "Yeah, it looks pretty good." But nooo, you must be a bitch to everyone. You're a Sue, though, so they can't help but like you anyway.

They head down to the Great Hall for breakfast.

Quote :
When we made it to the Great Hall, we saw Angelina, Lee and Fred & George sitting down at the Gryffindor table. However, we dashed to sit down not for them, but for the food.

If our Sue was a Pokemon, she would so be a Snorlax. All she fucking seems to care about is sleeping and eating.

Quote :
"But seriously, is everyone sleeping well?" Angelina asked. Everyone shrugged and muttered some 'yeah's and some 'mhm's.

"Not me," Tamsyn piped up.

"And why is that TamTam?" questioned Lee.

Lee, you are thirteen goddamn years old in this fic. Stop acting like you are four.

Also, TamTam? TAMTAM??? That's it, I'm starting a Stupid Nickname Count. "Celo" from earlier is #1. "TamTam" is #2.

Quote :
"I'm worried about this year, I don't know, I have a feeling stuff is going to happen this year," shrugged Tamsyn.

"It's okay, I doubt anything will go wrong," I said.

"Yeah, I agree with Flame," said Fred.

Ooooh, number 3 already! The only person in the Harry Potter series who could maybe get away with that nickname was Nicholas Flamel. And even he'd probably think it was stupid.

Snip some boring crap about the gang teasing Fred because he clearly likes Suelosia, and then teasing Suelosia because she is wearing make-up. RIVETING.

Quote :
Soon, Professor McGonagall was coming around with timetables.

"Miss Wynch, Miss Parkins, and Miss Johnson, your timetables," she said, handing us our timetables. The moment she gave us them, we compared with each other.

Me and Angelina took Care of Magical Creatures and Divination for our electives. Tamsyn had Care of Magical Creatures and Muggle Studies for her electives. Other than that, we had the same classes.

"What did you boys get?" I asked the boys. We then compared timetables with them. Fred and George took Care of Magical Creatures and Divination, just like me and Angelina. Lee was with Tamsyn had Care of Magical Creatures and Muggle Studies.

EVEN MORE RIVETING.

Quote :
"Well come on, posse, let's go to Care of Magical Creatures," said Fred.

What?! Where's the detailed description of what each of them ate for breakfast? What about where they were sitting in relation to one another? I NEED TO KNOW THESE THINGS!!! But no, all we get is this bit of nonsense.

Quote :
"Posse?" questioned Lee.

"Yes, posse," confirmed Fred. "Got a problem with it, soldier?"

"No, sir!" said Lee, saluting.

"Good! Now move out!" demanded Fred. Lee marched all the way out the Great Hall, earning himself a few stares.

Yeah, that's not even the nonsense. THIS is the nonsense.

Quote :
"Well if Lee's going to go out with style, we might as well," said Tamsyn. She strutted out the Hall saying 'girly girly girly girly' all the way out. The rest of us shrugged and did the same thing. We were weird.

If by "weird" you mean "mentally deficient" and/or "annoying as fuck" then yes, yes you are. Seriously, I do not get those last few sentences. Was she just...randomly chanting "girly" over an over again? And everyone just copied her? If someone can explain this to me, please do so, because I really don't get it. It isn't even funny-random, it's just...bizzare.

Quote :
We walked down to the grounds where the Care of Magical Creatures professor, Silvanus Kettleburn, was waiting for us.

"Welcome, students! Welcome all!" he said, upon seeing us all. "Since this is only our first class, we will not be doing much."

Uh, since when did Hogwarts professors go easy on their students? Any of them? Like, ever? Even on the first day of class? I sort of got the impression from the books that they expected you to dive right into your studies and they expected you to work hard. This isn't like one of those gen-ed college courses where they give you a syllabus on the first day and tell you to beat it. Urgh whatever. Minor nitpick.

Quote :
"I brought books out for all of you to read on porlocks."

If it's required reading for a course, shouldn't they have gotten these books along with all of their other textbooks? Just sayin'.

Quote :
Oh! And before I forget, partners!"

He called out name after name. Finally my name and Fred's name were called out. George was with Tamsyn and Lee with Angelina.

"Okay, page 243, get to work!" he announced. I huffed and picked up a book called Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them by Newt Scamander. I walked back over to Fred, who had sat down.

"Well come on Freddie boy, let's read about some porlocks," I said, enthustically but immediately frowning after.

Whaaaat? They want you to actually PARTICIPATE in the class? DON'T THEY KNOW YOU'RE NOT ABOUT THAT LIFE???

Aaaanyway, Fred and Suelosia decide to blow off the assignment so they can "talk".

Quote :
"Okay, what do you want to talk about?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe why you're wearing make-up."

"I thought we went over this," I groaned, "Tamsyn made me put the bloody stuff on. I want to take it off, but she'd probably maim me if I even contemplated it. She was going on about how 'it's third year you need to start off with a bang'. A bunch of bull if you ask me."

He fell into a fit of laughter. "It's good to know that you won't be like most girls in our year who cake their face in make-up."

"Oh, Merlin," I shuddered, "don't even get me started on those girls."

Because wearing a lot of make-up obviously means you are a whore, right? *sigh* It could just be me reading too much into it, but after reading two chapters of this fic and six chapters of one of her other HP-related fics (a Draco/OC fic called Kalilina Black and the Year of the Stone), I really get the feeling that our Suethor is quite judgmental.

Blah blah blah, Fred gets all sickeningly flirtatious and our Sue just can't figure out why she's blushing so much and recting to his flirting! No, really. She is utterly clueless.

Quote :
My heart pounded in my chest. Grrr. What the hell? I keep blushing a lot more than usual. It's driving me bonkers!

Quote :
I shivered unvoluntarily. I shivered obviously because it felt weird. I mean, that's the only logical reason, isn't it?

GROW A FUCKING CLUE, YOU MORONIC BITCH.

There's a truly awful scene where Fred tries to get Suelosia to give him a kiss. Seriously, it's horribly sappy and the dialogue is just awful. I thought about summarizing it, but then I thought, if I have to suffer through this bullshit, I'm taking some WGWers down with me. So I'm not going to summarize it. You get the whole scene in all its sappy, cringe-worthy, totally OOC glory.

Quote :
"What can I do to make you feel better?" I said.

"A kiss would help," he suggested, wagging his eyebrows. I snorted and smacked his cheek lightly.

"In your dreams lover boy," I scoffed.

"Fine then, don't kiss me," he said, "but then I'll tell everyone you're crushing on me hard and that you want to snog me senseless."

I stared at him, my jaw hanging. "Excuse me?!"

"You heard me," he said, smirking. I narrowed my eyes at him. He grinned and tapped his finger against his cheek. I kissed my hand and smacked it against his cheek.

"There you go," I smiled.

"Nu-uh, a real kiss," he said. I groaned.

"You honestly can't make this easy for me, can you?" I asked him.

"Nope," he grinned like the chesire cat. I hissed at him and pressed my lips against his cheek. I quickly pulled away, feeling a spark. I decided to play it off, though.

"Yuck, I hope I don't have to go through that again," I gagged. "That was the most digusting thing I've ever had to do!"

What a coincidence. That was one of the most disgusting things I have ever had to read. Poor Fred. I feel more and more sorry for him. I know Hogwarts is a relatively small school, but surely he can do better than this psycho? Just find a nice Hufflepuff girl with a good sense of humor or something, you'll be much better off. Trust me: YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS.

Quote :
Fifteen minutes later, we were all trudging our way back up to the castle to go to our next class. We said good-bye to Lee and Tamsyn as they went off to Muggle Studies and we went off to Divination. Divination was located in the North Tower. We trudge our way up and got lost and had to ask a painting where to get to. A few minutes late, we arrived to Divination.

Dear Gods, could this possibly get any MORE inane?

Quote :
"Got a bit lost, I see," said the witch at the front of the room. Her voice sounded creepy to me and I edged a bit closer to Angelina. "Come in, sit, sit."

We all nervously found a table we could all sit at. We looked at each other before focusing back on the witch.

"I am Professor Trelawney and this is Divination," she announced.

"No, really, I thought this was Potions," I mumbled under my breath.

Wow she's being rude again. It just keeps getting more and more fucking charming, doesn't it? They do a tea-leaf reading and act like twats while they drink their tea.

Quote :
"What does your say, Flame?" George asked me.

"Mmm," I mumbled, flipping through the book. "I honestly don't know. My leaves look like a dolphin. . . kind of. What about yours?"

"It looks like . .. a five-leaf clover," he said, looking at the book. "Well according to this book it says I'm going to have a rash tomorrow morning."

He glared at us all as we smacked hands over our mouths to keep from laughing.

"Mine's is an acorn . . ." said Fred, recovering from laughing first, "Sweet! I'm getting money!"

"I've got a sun!" cheered Angelina. "I'm getting happiness!"

"Lucky for you two, me and George got something stupid," I pouted.

"It's cool, Flame," said Fred. "Just because the leaves are shaped that way doesn't mean it'll actually happen."

I shrugged. "I guess,"

I'm only including this because I think it MIGHT be foreshadowing. In fact I really hope it is, because otherwise this scene served no purpose at all to the plot. I'm not sure if I should give this fic that much credit though.

Speaking of a plot, there is still no sign of one. We have met her friends, we know about her crush, and she's going to her classes. That's it. There's no story! It's just, "She did this. And then she did this. And then this happened. And then she responded by saying this." Seriously, this is rivaling Twilight for is lack of plot.

Quote :
After Divination, we went to Transfiguration. I really hope this year Fred & George don't cause any problems in Professor McGonagall's class. I always somehow got dragged in to their trouble and got caught with them. The class wasn't really exciting - which was a shocking, really - and we did nothing but turn a teapot into a tortoise.


'Cause transforming inanimate objects into animals is just sooooo boring, guys.

Quote :
Of course, we got homework from Professor McGonagall. It was a essay on what we thought an Animagus was. Welp, looks like I'll be going to the library tonight! After Transfiguration, was Potions. Professor Greasy Haired Git - I mean Snape - was still here despite many students pleads to Dumbledore to fire him.

Oh, just shut up. Seriously. Shut the fuck up. I get that you don't like Snape, but so far you have been pretty much equally disinterested in all of your classes and equally disrespectful of all of your teachers. And while Snape can be rough on non-Slytherins, if he comes down especially hard on you, Suelosia, I can't say I really blame him.

Quote :
I had to work with Tamsyn on the potion we had to make - the Confusing Conoction. That was a mistake on Snape's fault, for pairing me with Tamsyn. We decided to have some fun and throw whatever we could in the potion. That resulted in our potion exploding, covering everyone in goop.

Woooow, now I REALLY can't blame him. Seriously, the hell? Are you trying to fail the class? Even worse, are you trying to get everyone in the class fucking killed? What if your potion turned out to eat through flesh? I'm sure you'd be laughing really fucking hard then, wouldn't you?

Quote :
We got detention, tomorrow night. Sweet! Detention on the first day back! Honestly me and Tamsyn didn't care, it gave us and every else a good laugh. Snape just needs to loosen up.

No. No he doesn't. You know what really needs to happen, Suelosia? YOU TWO NEED TO FUCKING GROW UP. Ugh, I don't know how much more of this I can take. Tell me this day is almost over?

Quote :
After Potions, finally, it was lunch.

Upset

Quote :
"How was Muggle Studies?" George asked Lee and Tamsyn.

"Me and Lee here got dention," laughed Tamsyn. I shook my head and sighed.

"What did you two do?" I asked. Lee grinned.

"We were asking stupid questions and then we might've accidently set the bikes he brung in on fire," smirked Tamsyn.

It's "brought," you stupid sack of shit. Also, I was under the impression that the Muggle Studies professor was, in fact, a woman. Because, you know, there was that little paragraph at the beginning of book seven where she was
Spoiler:
 

I'm so sick of this fic. Snip some boring shit with Suelosia flirting with Cedric, everyone teasing her about it. Our heroine handles this n the most mature and calm way possible: she throws a tantrum worthy of a four-year-old and storms out of the Great Hall.

Quote :
Moments later, I saw Cedric come out of the Great Hall. I paniced and made to dash up the stairs, but of course, I slipped and fell right on my front. I groaned in pain and felt someone help me up.

"You okay?" Cedric asked. I nodded and tried to walk. That ended up as a fail as I nearly fell over. I guess I hurt my legs when I fell.

Is it bad that I feel a sick joy that this bitch is hurt? Anyway, Cedric carries her to the hospital wing while Suelosia muses about how she still likes him, but maybe not as much as she did in first and second year.

Quote :
"Okay, Mr. Diggory, your services are no longer neccesary," said Madam Pomfrey, shooing Cedric out. Cedric waved before leaving.

"Okay, Ms. Parkins, it seems like you have fractured your shins,"

She FRACTURED her SHINS? FUCKING OW! How was she even able to stand up? How was Cedric even able to pick her up without her feeling immense pain? HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SHATTER YOUR SHINS BY FALLING OVER???



Seriously, are her bones made of glass? It makes no sense.

Quote :
I nodded and took the goblet from her hands. I nearly spewed it, but decided no to. I forcefully drank it and laid down. Within a couple of minutes, my eyes were shutting on me. I expected to dream about Cedric, as I would've last year and the year prior, but I did not. Instead, I dreamt of a certain redhead.

Well whoopee-ta-shit for you, Suelosia.

This is the last chapter that's been posted (so far). I may move onto her other fic. If anything, I think it's even worse than this..... O_O
Back to top Go down
grmblfjx
Hot and Botherer
Hot and Botherer
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-10

PostSubject: Re: Celosia Charmisdora Parkins: Fred's One True Love. Apparently.   Mon Dec 17, 2012 12:39 am

Random tense change in the very first line of the story, well done. That's where I would have abandoned it, to be honest.

Also fracturing your shins (both of them?!) is a really bad plot device because if your shin is broken in more than one place there's a very real chance it will never heal right. A shattered shin means amputation.
Back to top Go down
Reepicheep-chan
Important Person
Important Person
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-11
Age : 32
Location : IN A SEXY NEW CONDO

PostSubject: Re: Celosia Charmisdora Parkins: Fred's One True Love. Apparently.   Mon Dec 17, 2012 12:01 pm

SHGCat wrote:
Because wearing a lot of make-up obviously means you are a whore, right? *sigh* It could just be me reading too much into it,
No. No you are not reading too much into it. This is a 13-year-old slut-shaming. This is terrible.
Back to top Go down
SHGCat



Join date : 2010-04-04

PostSubject: Re: Celosia Charmisdora Parkins: Fred's One True Love. Apparently.   Mon Dec 17, 2012 6:09 pm

Reepicheep-chan wrote:
SHGCat wrote:
Because wearing a lot of make-up obviously means you are a whore, right? *sigh* It could just be me reading too much into it,
No. No you are not reading too much into it. This is a 13-year-old slut-shaming. This is terrible.

Oh, god, thank you. I thought maybe I was being too sensitive, but her "EW NO GIRLY GIRLS ARE OBVIOUSLY SLUTS" undercurrent is.....grating. To say the very least. -_- I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks so.
Back to top Go down
John Marston



Join date : 2010-05-26

PostSubject: Re: Celosia Charmisdora Parkins: Fred's One True Love. Apparently.   Tue Dec 18, 2012 5:54 pm

Fractured shins seems more like an injury you would receive after a visit from the mob, Perhaps in reality our wonderful Celo pranked/pissed off the wrong people.
Back to top Go down
Summercorn
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
avatar

Join date : 2011-08-18
Location : The Garden of England.

PostSubject: Re: Celosia Charmisdora Parkins: Fred's One True Love. Apparently.   Fri Dec 21, 2012 9:21 am

SHGCat wrote:
"How was Muggle Studies?" George asked Lee and Tamsyn.

"Me and Lee here got dention," laughed Tamsyn. I shook my head and sighed.

Dention? Like, they pull out teeth? Because that would be good.
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Celosia Charmisdora Parkins: Fred's One True Love. Apparently.   

Back to top Go down
 
Celosia Charmisdora Parkins: Fred's One True Love. Apparently.
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» Muv-Luv: Save in the name of true love!
» False Love? True Love?
» A real life PS I Love You story
» Portrait of Love
» PARAMOURTAL: Tales of Undying Love and Loving The Undead

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Why God, Why? :: The Sporking Table :: New Releases-
Jump to: